"elizabeth day is a world-renowned podcast host she's a best-selling author she's a successful journalist i felt like a failure but i probably wasn't it was what i've been told to feel i've had countle..."

"being vulnerable something i think we all find it incredibly hard to do and after hearing my guest's story today i had tears in my eyes maybe three or four times and that's because she is willing to b..."

"and this is the divers ceo i hope nobody's listening but if you are then please keep this yourself [Music] one of the things that i wrote recently which um after doing a little bit of reading about yo..."

"podcast called how to fail and after i had written a book called how to fail and then i kept getting asked this very reasonable question and i realized i'd never come up with a satisfying definition f..."

"no plan for the future can be terrifying and it can also be this enormous opportunity to change your life and to redefine it according to who you really are once you've stripped back that pretense so ..."

"imploded the jobs that weren't right for me like that was what prompted me to do the soul searching and i'm a big believer in things happening for a reason the universe unfolding as is intended even i..."

"an author even though there was no one in my family who did that so i had those kind of conversations and that's and that's an enormously wealthy way to be brought up and i even though we didn't have ..."

"being my authentic self in integrated selves so like professionally personally and when i'm asleep like i'm or in my friendship group or when i'm stroking my cat it's always the same me i talk in so i..."

"terrible anyway i know i shouldn't go down these rabbit holes of self-loathing and most the time i'm able not to but just occasionally if i'm feeling low or particularly sensitive that day it will aff..."

"tactics interesting how do you deal with it um so i think it's important to be honest as well i'm i've read a lot about this this topic i've spoken to psychologists i've sat here with guests and you k..."

"they're not saying anything am i adopted yeah he's like yeah so here's my he's my productive conclusion though is one of the things we're not taught to do is to use social media in a conscious way so ..."

"fascinating because i think i care less about twitter because i don't feel as myself on twitter i suppose because i'm super conscious of how you can send out an ill tweet one day and like lose everyth..."

"something that was really calm and that was like you know i refute this for these reasons and it was an excellent lesson in how sometimes it is important to stand up for something i had an outpouring ..."

"say those people have exploited it right so it's just i mean it's such a nonsense thing for someone to write that i actually don't want to spend too much time talking about it quick one starting from ..."

"and it manifested itself at work as well i was always the person who said yes to overtime yes to the commissions that no one else wanted because i thought eventually i'd be rewarded and i got a staff ..."

"and that leads you into situations and relationships that you shouldn't be in because you're not fully giving yourself you're giving a version of perfection to someone that is never fully real yeah so..."

"mistakes i'm not in a relationship i've actually really struggled with relationships and i was thinking about this last night when i was working out i was thinking much the reason why i've struggled i..."

"incredibly important in my professional life yeah it's actually the things things like so in my in my professional life if i don't want to do something or if i think it's a bad use of my time i say no..."

"second guess whether he really means it when he says he'll come for lunch with my family or whatever yeah i know that he's invested in that so actually i'm your husband for a second okay i go you say ..."

"you see that that it's that's very difficult it's so difficult dating in your 20s anyway full stop but when you're you and you're basically living the life and you have the wisdom of a 45 year old tha..."

"about having different love languages and i made him take the quiz and it was really helpful he was acts of service oh no way but he was awesome yeah there you go it's what you do oh that's so but he ..."

"that justin is very good at taking feedback that's because that's the business brain isn't it yeah yeah you have so i don't need to sugarcoat something i can say listen i need this or i feel this and ..."

"quite unhealthy and a helpfully emotional way yes and now you're trying to deal with us you're not sure which issue you're actually dealing with right so when you present it without the emotion i unde..."

"interestingly the global pandemic has been so tough and so much tougher for so many people than it has been for me in myriad ways one of the unexpected side benefits is that i've really got comfortabl..."

"slightly lessened now it's good news yes isn't it and although you probably can't tell i am actually an introvert but i've successfully learned how to be extrovert and how to um pretend i'm confident ..."

"one of them you'll be able to find them um and in fact if you ask yourself maybe the concept of a soulmate doesn't actually exist same thing with are you enough right so the term enough this was my co..."

"it's chasing what you want for your reasons that was my conclusion so the enough thing is actually [ __ ] which is just social which then causes [ __ ] ambitions like lamborghinis yeah and uh realizin..."

"if there was one thing that i've learned in the last couple years it's just like question the question yeah as much as you possibly can because the question will [ __ ] you when you accept it oh my go..."

"inside you don't need to be yes something you love to do should be something you'd love to do without having to go on this quest yeah exactly yeah yeah but that's what you were saying earlier about am..."

"yes but he also lived and in that differently expressed sentiment was 21 years of memories of a father and son who were best friends and that was what enabled him to carry on living and if he can do t..."

"out in front of you and examine them for validity i mean you mentioned working out earlier i definitely find exercise is a helpful way of doing that yes like and that's something again i never i never..."

"hard to put into words maybe the only thing that i love more in the world than huel is salted caramel and i've got some great news he'll have just released their salted caramel pure flavor and i am ov..."

"dream come true i want to talk about failure yes now which seems like a good thing to talk about and in your book philosophy you you list uh seven failure principles so i'm sure you've done this a mil..."

"increases your chance of success and it cascades upwards is that how failure works from your experience it can work like that i mean to take the example you've just given one of the ways of looking at..."

"of reliving it constantly becoming a victim yeah and becoming defined by that i can choose to be defined by something else i can choose to be defined by my response to it i can choose to find some kin..."

"i'm aware that i as a white middle-class woman have been given shitloads of opportunities to fail so so i'm totally aware of that that there's a sliding scale you have to say that right yeah of course..."

"i'm talking from a place of you know i wrote a book called how to fail which was part memoir part manifesto like a memoir by its nature cannot be intersectional like i'm speaking from my own life and ..."

"mean but this is just like this is a huge issue with society because um we're thinking in such binary [ __ ] ways about these really complex sensitive systemic issues it's in that moment and the reaso..."

"bit of black in them too maybe a quarter black depending on who i marry um and uh so if you actually give a [ __ ] about changing things your response isn't a black tile your response would be somethi..."

"in the same way putting someone in a cage it's and for me also not allowing people to express themselves we've seen the harm that does we've seen when people can't express their sexuality they kill th..."

"and i watched the clip last night of um what she said and all she goes is you know what has he said that's racist and the host responds to him it's not what he said he hasn't said anything racist it's..."

"your opinions and beliefs i thought about that a lot and i was like that's really interesting yeah if we want to get like really deep about this yeah most of our beliefs and opinions come from the soc..."

"philosophy i like lost my way in this quickly yeah got the list here as well so point number two in your book is you are not your anxious brain i think you've talked about that almost everything phil ..."

"people it's the first time that they've come out of full-time education and come out of a system of exam and reward exam and reward and there is no exam that you can sit to show that you're being a go..."

"principle was that so many people come on podcast and say that they feel they failed at their 20s and i think a lot of us fall into the trap and i did too of believing that we had to have our life sor..."

"pain like heartbreak i hate it it's the worst isn't it it's the worst it really i yeah i totally relate and i now realize that i learned something very instructive from each one of those relationships..."

"whether it be a friendship a work colleague or a lover to teach you a lesson that you needed to know and when a relationship ends it's because you've been taught that lesson god it's a shitty lesson t..."

"yes and we're also taught to avoid feelings of sadness like good vibes only and you're like no actually sometimes you need to be in that sadness you need to feel that discomfort to understand what lif..."

"and believing that rejection is protection if you're rejected yes that person is not for you either because they've been stupid enough to [ __ ] reject you or because action is character and if they'v..."

"for people to do that yeah lame is super easy in heartbreak you're so right and that's where personal responsibility comes in yeah and so in the immediate aftermath of a breakup you're going to probab..."

"it somehow makes you feel better no i get that yeah are you post-breakup right now um not post-breakup no uh i'm i'm post um something ending okay um i'm sorry no no it wasn't it was it was um i consi..."

"real connections with other people amen yeah and that's something that i have genuinely learned through the podcast the first season of the podcast i did i was very much i came from a very traditional..."

"beneath the pretense and i think it also reassures people because as we've been talking about in this culture that we live in which is so defined by social media and how you appear and the currency of..."

"with that was such an ineloqua no it was good no no it's a reason basically about that no yeah i completely i completely i was thinking when you were saying it because i remember having a conversation..."

"leader i think it's not to pretend that everything's fine and to wear this mask of the perfect boss it's to be someone who acknowledges that life can be touched tough and who shares what they're going..."

"politicians i was so inspired by angela merkel recently because she apologized for having overturned a lockdown ruling over easter she's like i'm really sorry i got that wrong i was like oh my gosh th..."

"with which to beat women i completely agree is there anything you wouldn't share that doesn't involve someone else oh that's a great question because every time i every time you hit a wall in terms of..."

"sure whether the parameters your question really fit right but that is one thing that i've thought about yeah so that's quite a heavy answer that's a really interesting point there about the you would..."

"no one is to blame for that i take personal responsibility for my reaction and that's where i need to curate my social media feed that is absolutely not the thought of the parent question they should ..."

"like you in it so thank you thank you for giving me a safe space and for making me feel like i can be vulnerable with you i have loved this conversation so much i really truly have and i love that i'v..."