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The Surprising & Unbelievable Dark Side Of Open Relationships: Aubrey Marcus | E242

The Surprising & Unbelievable Dark Side Of Open Relationships: Aubrey Marcus | E242

43 segments available

Aubrey founded Onnit in 2010. The company was built upon the philosophy of providing its customers with the supplements and equipment necessary to achieve 'Total Human Optimization'. It was the release of the nootropic Alpha BRAIN in 2011 and the partnership with Joe Rogan that Onnit began to achieve rapid success. Aubrey stepped down as Onnit's CEO in 2020 and since then founded the coaching platform 'Fit For Service', as well as hosting the 'Aubrey Marcus Podcast'. Topics: 0:00 Intro 02:03 Your mission & early context 17:14 The influence of your parents 29:34 How to become self-aware 32:15 Your vision quest 36:03 Meeting Joe Rogan & building a company with him 46:37 Advice for businesses that think they're "too late" 01:01:13 Love & the truth about polyamory 01:21:21 How to make any relationship work 01:38:17 The thing you're doing wrong that you need to fix 01:45:06 Fit for Service 01:49:55 The last guest's question Aubrey: Instagram: https://bit.ly/3L8pI1P Youtube: https://bit.ly/41VUTEm Aubrey is the author of ‘Own the Day, Own Your Life’, which you can purchase here: https://bit.ly/41QJXYw Our question cards waiting list: https://bit.ly/3ZzQfKz Join this channel to get access to perks: https://bit.ly/3Dpmgx5 Follow:  Instagram: http://bit.ly/3nIkGAZ Twitter: http://bit.ly/3ztHuHm Linkedin: https://bit.ly/41Fl95Q Telegram: http://bit.ly/3nJYxST Sponsors:  Whoop: http://bit.ly/3MbapaY Huel: https://g2ul0.app.link/G4RjcdKNKsb Bluejeans: https://g2ul0.app.link/NCgpGjVNKsb

Segments Timeline

1
0:00 - 2:02
2:02 duration342 words

The Genesis of Onnit

Aubrey Marcus shares the pivotal moment that led to the creation of Onnit, detailing his partnership with Joe Rogan and the launch of Alpha BRAIN. He reflects on the rapid growth of the company, achieving $60 million in sales within 12 hours, and the challenges that came with such success.

"with Joe Rogan as my partner we sold out in 12 hours zero to 60 million how step one it was [ __ ] wild Aubry Marcus the man who built and sold on it with Joe Rogan one of the fastest growing Human Pe..."

2
2:02 - 4:51
2:48 duration470 words

The Impact of Family Dynamics

Aubrey discusses the significant influence of his parents and step-parents on his life. He reflects on how their diverse backgrounds and experiences shaped his understanding of greatness and the quest for knowledge, culminating in a transformative psychedelic journey that sparked his desire to share insights with the world.

"Aubry when I read through your story and a lot of people's story what I tend to see is a series of almost dominoes that have fallen to make the person who they are today that sign in front of me can y..."

3
4:51 - 7:55
3:03 duration556 words

From Personal Ambition to Global Service

Aubrey reflects on his evolving mission in life, transitioning from a desire for personal success to a commitment to serving the greater good. He emphasizes the importance of recognizing interconnectedness and how his journey has shifted towards understanding what the world needs from him.

"me being where I am now even though that doesn't have a lot to do with all my business accomplishments and anything else it's just this desire to be great because it was modeled for me in the parents ..."

4
7:55 - 10:25
2:29 duration402 words

Lessons from Parental Relationships

Aubrey explores the ramifications of his parents' divorce at a young age, highlighting how it introduced him to multiple parental figures. He discusses the contrasting influences of his father and stepfather, which provided him with a well-rounded perspective on masculinity and personal development.

"your parents breaking up at two years old was that significant for you in hindsight you look back as an adult it was that significant moment the ramifications of that were incredibly significant becau..."

5
10:25 - 12:56
2:31 duration459 words

Breaking the Cycle of Anger

Aubrey recounts a pivotal moment when he recognized the need to break the cycle of anger inherited from his father. He shares a personal story about an incident at work that led him to vow never to hurt others through rage, marking a significant turning point in his emotional growth.

"those aspects of worry my father also you know was want to fly into fits of Rage at a certain point I remember one time this is a very like very important story in my own trajectory because my father ..."

6
12:56 - 15:02
2:06 duration372 words

Creating a New Legacy

Aubrey discusses his commitment to creating a positive legacy for his future children, emphasizing the importance of love and support. He reflects on the lessons learned from his upbringing and his desire to pass on a legacy free from the emotional burdens of the past.

"you know and there's something else in me it's like no never again because I saw her and I saw what I did and of course I apologize and but that's where I stopped that lineage transmission and said it..."

7
15:02 - 18:39
3:36 duration625 words

The Weight of Approval

Aubrey shares insights into his lifelong struggle with seeking approval, stemming from his relationship with his father. He illustrates how this pattern affected his interactions with mentors and peers, and how he learned to navigate the complexities of love and validation through performance.

"Journeys bring him through this path of initiation but the whole way just love love love the whole way where that never wavers so he's not trying to prove something to me so that he can get me to love..."

8
18:39 - 19:29
0:49 duration130 words

The Cost of Overthinking

Aubrey reflects on the mental toll of overthinking and the anxiety that arises from constantly considering how his words might be perceived. He discusses the balance between being a good communicator and the exhaustion that comes from worrying about others' interpretations.

"was and sometimes still is less now I have to be you know have to be honest and not claim a false humility but sometimes still is but the cost is like you're not present you're not really present if y..."

9
20:01 - 22:40
2:39 duration413 words

The Path to Self-Awareness

Aubrey reflects on his journey towards self-awareness, attributing much of his growth to psychedelic experiences. He discusses how various practices, including breathwork and other psychonautic technologies, can facilitate deep introspection and understanding of oneself. This segment highlights the transformative power of exploring inner consciousness.

"um according to all of the therapists and child trauma experts I've spoken to with something called awareness and that kind of allows you to take on the challenge but there's a lot of people that are ..."

10
22:40 - 24:53
2:12 duration386 words

Vision Quest: A Journey of Discovery

Aubrey recounts his first experience with plant medicine at 18, describing it as a pivotal moment that illuminated his true self. He contrasts this with the subsequent years of seeking external validation and approval, illustrating the tension between internal understanding and external expectations. This segment emphasizes the importance of aligning one's inner journey with outer actions.

"medicines was when you were 18 years old is that correct that's right you went on a um you call it like a vision is it like a vision mission I can't remember the word you used yeah um After High Schoo..."

11
24:53 - 27:22
2:29 duration474 words

From Partying to Purpose

In this segment, Aubrey discusses the dichotomy of his life during his twenties, where he was exploring his identity while also engaging in partying and seeking approval. He reflects on how this phase was essential for his growth, despite the external chaos, and how it ultimately led him to a more authentic path.

"I appreciate that I wanted to really go for it I was audacious and I wanted to have a big company and I wanted to make a big Mark I wanted to have resources because resources are now opening up the po..."

12
27:22 - 30:31
3:08 duration618 words

Meeting Joe Rogan: A Turning Point

Aubrey shares the story of how he met Joe Rogan and the significance of that relationship in his career. He describes the strategic decision to prioritize a meeting with Rogan over attending a party, which ultimately led to a friendship and the founding of Onnit. This segment highlights the importance of seizing opportunities and building meaningful connections.

"in that path of psychonautics building experience and I had this feeling I just had this feeling when I watched Joe Rogan do comedy and we're talking 2008 you know this is not the Joe Rogan of now rig..."

13
30:31 - 33:05
2:34 duration487 words

The Birth of Alpha Brain

Aubrey details the creation of Alpha Brain, the nootropic supplement that became a cornerstone of Onnit. He discusses the collaborative process with Joe Rogan and the pivotal moments that led to its successful launch. This segment illustrates the intersection of personal passion, strategic partnerships, and market timing in building a successful business.

"that friendship developed really I was starting a supplement company developed on it as we know it now Joe Rogan as my partner and then the combination of again going back to my parents my stepmother ..."

14
33:05 - 35:21
2:15 duration406 words

Onnit's Rocket Ship Growth

In this concluding segment, Aubrey quantifies the rapid growth of Onnit following the launch of Alpha Brain. He shares insights into the company's trajectory, including revenue milestones and the eventual acquisition by Unilever. This segment encapsulates the journey from startup struggles to achieving significant success and the lessons learned along the way.

"you know applied to having a website and having a shopping cart Etc and that was it it was a rocket ship from there and also you know being on Joe Rogan's podcast people started to be aware of my idea..."

15
36:40 - 39:01
2:21 duration453 words

Seeing the Vision: The Key to Entrepreneurship

In this segment, Aubrey discusses the necessity of having a clear vision for success in business. He emphasizes the importance of seeing the competitive landscape realistically and understanding the challenges ahead. Aubrey shares insights on how to prepare for the entrepreneurial roller coaster by pushing all chips in when the vision is clear.

"it's just an absolute dream man and doesn't mean that I didn't live my own little nightmares of fear and anxiety and worry and stress and mistakes all through the process but looking back now holy [ _..."

16
39:01 - 42:20
3:18 duration634 words

Facing Adversity: Lessons from Onnit's Challenges

Aubrey reflects on the adversities faced during Onnit's journey, including a significant security breach that tested the company's integrity. He shares how transparency and honesty with customers during crises can build trust and strengthen relationships. This segment highlights the importance of navigating challenges with authenticity.

"everything you got okay so see it I a few thoughts spring to mind when you said talked about seeing it so the first one is what role does seeing it because you talked about the adversity you kind of l..."

17
42:20 - 45:00
2:40 duration500 words

The Importance of Relationships in Business

Aubrey discusses the critical role of relationships in overcoming business challenges. He recounts a moment of financial crisis where trust and open communication with partners helped Onnit survive. This segment underscores the value of maintaining strong connections and integrity in business dealings.

"comes from those things that those monsters that come from the grass that were slithering around or hiding in the in the tall grass that you don't see and then all of a sudden you have to confront the..."

18
45:00 - 49:12
4:12 duration700 words

Transitioning from CEO to Visionary

In this segment, Aubrey explains his shift from being a hands-on CEO to a visionary leader. He expresses his desire to guide projects and brands while allowing competent operators to manage day-to-day operations. This transition reflects his focus on impactful projects and the importance of collaboration in achieving success.

"happen and then so we had all of these accounts payable no money in in the bank and we called it cash Apocalypse at that point our CFO just looked at us said we're we're bankrupt in 30 days I'm leavin..."

19
49:02 - 50:41
1:38 duration357 words

The Journey of Health and Performance

Aubrey Marcus shares his personal journey towards optimizing health and performance, highlighting the importance of wearable technology like Whoop. He discusses how it has played a significant role in his life, providing insights into sleep, recovery, and overall health, and how it empowers him to be the best version of himself.

"and the kind of idea of why these products are important and and so that's going to be there's going to be another kind of reload and birth of a new kind of wave of things that'll come out and and the..."

20
51:37 - 52:28
0:50 duration185 words

Understanding Love Through Experience

Aubrey reflects on his early models of love and relationships, shaped by his upbringing. He discusses his avoidant attachment style and how it influenced his relationships, leading to a deeper understanding of love and connection as he navigated through different partnerships.

"talk about love then I often wonder you know we we learn our models of love and relationships very early and I've talked a lot about um how I learned my model of Love The Good the Bad the Ugly of it a..."

21
52:30 - 54:17
1:47 duration305 words

The Complexity of Polyamory

Aubrey delves into his experiences with polyamory, explaining the dynamics of his relationships and the challenges that arose. He shares insights on jealousy, emotional struggles, and the lessons learned from navigating multiple partnerships, emphasizing the importance of honesty and communication.

"you have a unique point to your story which you know I'm going to talk about yeah because I know a lot of people ask you about it which is I don't even know what the correct term is polyamory polyamor..."

22
54:18 - 1:00:02
5:44 duration1040 words

Lessons from Polyamorous Relationships

In this segment, Aubrey discusses the lessons learned from his eight years of polyamory, including the emotional challenges and the beauty of honest communication. He reflects on the complexities of love, jealousy, and the importance of being true to oneself in relationships.

"you're lying to them you're not telling the truth and so after that one experience of feeling how just awful I felt when I actually cheated on a story I was in Moscow blah blah it doesn't [ __ ] matte..."

23
1:00:03 - 1:05:04
5:01 duration878 words

Cultural Challenges of Polyamory

Aubrey explores the cultural and societal challenges surrounding polyamory, discussing how societal norms and jealousy impact relationships. He reflects on the need for a supportive community and the evolution of consciousness to make polyamory more viable in modern society.

"lesson but for eight years we did the polyamory thing you know we had our moments where we were off and on and we'd have little breakups and little issues that would come up but we both were free to s..."

24
1:05:05 - 1:06:57
1:52 duration324 words

The Role of Community in Relationships

Aubrey emphasizes the importance of community and tribe in making polyamorous relationships work. He discusses how a supportive environment can enhance love and connection, and the need for a collective understanding to navigate the complexities of modern relationships.

"of like evolutionary darwinistic reason why it doesn't work and it would make sense from a darwinistic perspective that I want my seed to pass on and I want I want my genes to survive so if I if there..."

25
1:07:01 - 1:09:39
2:38 duration426 words

Finding True Love: The Story of Philana

Aubrey shares his profound love for Philana, describing it as a transformative experience that defies conventional expectations of relationships. He recounts how he recognized their deep connection early on, even before they became intimate. This segment highlights the beauty of unconditional love and the importance of finding a partner who complements one's true self.

"I think that jealousy is less like about a evolutionary biology and more about the ego the ego knows itself in relative position it's a construct that we create to help navigate our life and our in ou..."

26
1:09:39 - 1:11:02
1:23 duration228 words

The Myth of Compromise in Relationships

Aubrey challenges the traditional notion of compromise in relationships, arguing that true love should not require it. He emphasizes the importance of mutual growth and deep emotional connection, suggesting that partners should strive for a relationship that feels incredible rather than settling for 'good enough.' This perspective encourages couples to explore their depths together.

"I could see this possibility and when we got together I mean I had bought the I bought the wedding ring before we actually even had sex you know I mean if you follow the story closely there was uh the..."

27
1:11:02 - 1:12:14
1:11 duration227 words

Timing and Personal Growth in Love

In this reflective segment, Aubrey discusses the significance of timing in relationships, particularly how personal growth journeys must align for a partnership to thrive. He shares insights on how past experiences shaped his readiness to embrace a deep connection with Philana, illustrating the importance of self-discovery before entering a committed relationship.

"you're in it together and I think one of the reasons why we're able to be that is because we're willing to go into the deep together if there's something that's that's that we can't resolve then we ha..."

28
1:12:14 - 1:13:40
1:26 duration264 words

The Stallion's Journey: Self-Discovery

Aubrey elaborates on the concept of the 'stallion running,' which symbolizes the need for self-exploration and understanding one's impact on others before committing to a relationship. He reflects on his past relationships and how they contributed to his growth, emphasizing the beauty of learning from various connections to prepare for true love.

"well the stallion had to run the stallion had to run step one I needed to run I needed to be I needed to experience myself and have myself reflected in the hearts of other people who I really loved an..."

29
1:13:40 - 1:15:19
1:38 duration315 words

Mastering Emotions for Relationship Success

Aubrey discusses the importance of emotional control in relationships, particularly in conflict resolution. He shares personal anecdotes about his struggles with anger and the need for awareness in managing emotions. This segment highlights the significance of developing strategies to navigate emotional challenges for lasting partnerships.

"say I've done this I've seen myself reflected in all of these different Partnerships and now I'm ready to devote that energy to you phylana because I've really I've felt what this is really like so th..."

30
1:15:19 - 1:17:28
2:08 duration453 words

Conflict Resolution Techniques in Love

In this segment, Aubrey shares unique conflict resolution techniques developed with his partner, Philana. He describes how they use physical positions and agreed-upon phrases to facilitate open communication during conflicts. This practical approach emphasizes the importance of having strategies to maintain harmony and understanding in relationships.

"your you know the right react the processes and practices about what to do my I have two really dear friends uh Christine Hassler and Stefano sofondos and they just let a workshop at our fit for Servi..."

31
1:17:28 - 1:19:15
1:46 duration307 words

Radical Ownership in Relationships

Aubrey emphasizes the necessity of radical ownership in relationships, where both partners take full responsibility for their actions and feelings. He discusses how this practice prevents resentment from building up and fosters a healthier connection. This segment underscores the importance of honesty and accountability in nurturing love.

"strategies but the most important thing of all of the things is full radical ownership of every aspect in which you may have overstepped where you may have made an assumption where you may have made a..."

32
1:19:15 - 1:21:26
2:10 duration433 words

The Monster That Eats Love: Contempt

Aubrey references John Gottman's research on relationships, highlighting how contempt can lead to divorce. He explains that unaddressed issues accumulate over time, creating a toxic environment. This segment serves as a reminder of the importance of constant communication and conflict resolution to maintain a loving partnership.

"have you heard of professor John gottman his study about couples and they found that in his his study of why couples end up in divorce it wasn't arguing or anything else it was a buildup of contempt w..."

33
1:21:26 - 1:23:03
1:37 duration293 words

The Role of Plant Medicine in Accountability

Aubrey discusses how plant medicine, particularly Ayahuasca, has played a role in his personal growth and accountability in relationships. He reflects on how these experiences have helped him confront his past mistakes and evolve in his understanding of love and responsibility. This segment highlights the transformative power of self-reflection and honesty.

"within me so I can't allow anything that that I that I need to take ownership for to exist and and then sometimes that'll come up in the past I mean I think as my Consciousness evolves different level..."

34
1:22:43 - 1:24:36
1:53 duration383 words

Evolving Through Conflict

Aubrey shares insights on how conflicts in relationships can serve as opportunities for growth. He explains how the time taken to resolve disagreements has shortened over the years, illustrating the importance of vulnerability and communication in fostering healthier relationships.

"more than to be able to be that and sometimes just that have the humility to be like yeah I was an idiot or I was I made a mistake or all of these things and not and then not pile on a bunch of shame ..."

35
1:24:36 - 1:26:07
1:30 duration311 words

Navigating Emotional Pain

Aubrey narrates a humorous yet insightful story about a conflict with his partner that escalated due to a misunderstanding. He emphasizes the importance of clear communication and the ability to reflect on one's reactions to avoid unnecessary conflicts.

"at like you're talking about like the the time it takes you to go over there so maybe there was a time in your life where it wouldn't have been 12 hours maybe it would have been 12 days maybe it had b..."

36
1:26:07 - 1:28:34
2:27 duration514 words

The Journey to Self-Awareness

In this segment, Aubrey discusses the process of self-awareness and the importance of recognizing one's emotional triggers. He explains how understanding these triggers can lead to healthier interactions and quicker resolutions in relationships.

"falling and it's just searing pain and I'm like get up and I want to like scream and hit something because it hurts so bad and I couldn't disambiguate the feeling of pain with my frustration that she ..."

37
1:28:34 - 1:30:07
1:32 duration278 words

Breaking Free from Dependencies

Aubrey opens up about his struggles with reliance on stimulants and sleep medications. He reflects on the need for a holistic approach to reset his neurochemistry and emphasizes the importance of prioritizing personal health over obligations.

"it is just to shorten the amount of time that you stay out of consciousness all of that requires a level of vulnerability that a lot of people um still find very uncomfortable especially men in my in ..."

38
1:30:07 - 1:31:58
1:51 duration309 words

The Path to Healing

Aubrey discusses the significance of awareness in overcoming personal challenges. He highlights the importance of confronting uncomfortable truths and the necessity of making space for healing and growth in one's life.

"to evolve from it however I understand the point of the question outside of the semantics which are important you know because I think we can put ourselves in wrong right good bad in this very polariz..."

39
1:31:58 - 1:34:45
2:47 duration531 words

Fit for Service: A Community of Healing

Aubrey introduces 'Fit for Service', a community-focused initiative aimed at healing and transformation. He explains the various practices involved, including breathwork and initiatory experiences, that foster deep connections and personal growth among participants.

"could I have fallen asleep without the Sleep meds yes eventually I could have but that would have come at a cost to this podcast and then that would have come to cost to the listeners and then so I ge..."

40
1:36:05 - 1:37:55
1:50 duration324 words

Healing Through Shared Experiences

Aubrey Marcus discusses the transformative power of shared healing practices within the Fit For Service community. He highlights various techniques such as breathwork, ecstatic dance, and vision quests that foster deep emotional connections among participants. The segment emphasizes how facing darkness together can illuminate personal growth and forge lifelong friendships.

"as the things you take but we do do all the Psychedelic practices from you know shamanic breath work which is incredibly powerful you know many facilitators deep deep breathing huge emotional catharsi..."

41
1:37:55 - 1:39:02
1:06 duration214 words

The Journey of Forgiveness

In this segment, Aubrey reflects on the complex nature of forgiveness, particularly regarding personal and societal grievances. He shares insights on achieving true forgiveness, which transcends mere words and involves a deep understanding of past experiences. Aubrey's perspective on forgiving larger constructs, like government and societal systems, adds depth to the conversation about healing and personal evolution.

"you know with so many different people from so many different places you know and um it's really inspiring to see people willing to because in some ways as we were talking about nobody wants to mine i..."

42
1:39:02 - 1:45:00
5:57 duration961 words

Forgiving the Empire

Aubrey delves into the challenges of forgiving systemic issues, referring to them as 'Empire.' He discusses the pain and suffering caused by societal constructs and the difficulty in reaching a place of complete forgiveness. This segment explores the idea that collective healing and unity among individuals can lead to a transformative shift in perspective, ultimately fostering a sense of community and resilience against oppressive forces.

"it that way but nonetheless like it's what I like it's one of the things I really love to do and all of our coaches feel that way and it also draws in some incredible people that we get to learn from ..."

43
1:45:00 - 1:46:33
1:33 duration298 words

The Power of Vulnerability

In this concluding segment, the host expresses gratitude for Aubrey's openness and vulnerability throughout the conversation. They reflect on the importance of sharing personal journeys and the impact it has on others. The discussion highlights how Aubrey's experiences and insights can serve as a roadmap for those navigating their own paths of transformation and self-discovery.

"forgive Empire yet Aubry thank you um you're the type of person that I love to speak to because there's I feel like there's no question you wouldn't answer and the most difficult questions but also yo..."