All Segments
Terry Crews Breaks Down About His Sexual Abuse & Beating Up His Dad!
54 segments available
This episode is part of our USA series, over the coming weeks you will get to see some incredible conversations with guests the likes of which we’ve never seen before. Bringing more value, more incredible stories, and more world-beating expertise. Terry Crews is a NFL player turned film and TV star, featuring in a wide range of hugely successful shows like Brooklyn Nine-Nine, White Chicks, Everybody Hates Chris and Idiocracy. Escaping his abusive father, and spending decades cultivating his bodybuilder physique and mentality, Terry then broke into the Hollywood scene. 00:00 Intro 01:24 What made you the person you are today? 07:43 Domestic violence in your family 12:36 Where did your dad's pain come from? 16:48 My pornography addiction 22:43 How did porn impact your marriage? 26:14 Cheating on my wife 30:39 Opening up to my wife and its consequences 34:52 Why do men avoid intimacy and vulnerability? 45:30 What was your lowest moment? 47:32 Your dad being aggressive in front of your children 55:33 How and why did you change? 01:03:23 How would your life be if you wouldn't have changed? 01:05:22 I was sexually assaulted by a Hollywood executive 01:14:17 How my dark and bright side came from the same place 01:23:28 Our last guest's question Terry Crews: https://twitter.com/terrycrews https://www.instagram.com/terrycrews Terry's book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tough-My-Journey-True-Power/dp/0593329805/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1651096152&sr=8-2 Our Clips channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnjg... Listen on: Apple podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-diary-of-a-ceo-by-steven-bartlett/id1291423644 Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/7iQXmUT7XGuZSzAMjoNWlX FOLLOW ► Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/steven/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/SteveBartlettSC Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/steven-bartlett-56986834/ Sponsors: Huel - https://my.huel.com/Steven Craftd - https://bit.ly/3JKOPFx Location courtesy of The Nightfall Group: www.nightfallgroup.com
Segments Timeline
The Desire for Strength
Terry Crews shares the intense motivation behind his desire to become strong, rooted in his traumatic childhood experiences with an abusive father. He reflects on how his upbringing in a violent household shaped his identity and the need to protect his family, revealing the psychological impact of living in fear.
"knew one day i may have to kill my father athlete artist actor terry crews that's right i've always wanted to be a superhero one of my earliest memories was my father knocking my mother out she'd be n..."
Growing Up in Flint, Michigan
Terry Crews describes his upbringing in Flint, Michigan, during a time of economic prosperity contrasted by personal turmoil. He recounts the duality of his father's role as an abusive alcoholic and his mother's strict religious upbringing, illustrating the toxic environment that shaped his childhood.
"so without further ado i'm stephen bartlett and this is the diary of a ceo usa edition i hope nobody's listening but if you are then please keep this to yourself [Music] terry i i always start these c..."
The Impact of Domestic Violence
In this segment, Terry reflects on the domestic violence he witnessed as a child, including his father's physical abuse towards his mother. He shares vivid memories of the chaos and fear in his home, highlighting the emotional toll it took on him and his family.
"at buick um during this time he he was a poor kid who moved up from edison georgia a town of less than 300 people and moved and went up north to find to work in the factory and became a foreman and my..."
Finding Peace Through Art
Terry discusses how he found solace in art and creativity amidst the turmoil of his childhood. He explains how drawing and comic books became an escape for him, allowing him to express himself and cope with the challenges of his home life.
"mix in my household because here you know my father was an alcoholic and my mother is religious and so they always went at each other because you weren't allowed to do what my father was doing and my ..."
The Complexity of Father-Son Relationships
Terry delves into the complicated relationship he had with his father, describing moments of fear and helplessness during violent episodes. He reflects on the emotional scars left by his father's disdain and the longing for a loving connection that was never realized.
"a lot of my my desire to be strong was because i knew one day i may have to kill my father because he was just that person and it was intense man it i i guess it was a very very intense upbringing um ..."
Understanding His Father's Pain
In this poignant segment, Terry reveals insights he gained about his father's troubled past, including abandonment and trauma. He discusses how these revelations helped him understand the roots of his father's abusive behavior and the cycle of pain that affected their family.
"because i remember the nightly news and they would always tell you all the horror stories you know so-and-so kills his whole family you know i was always look at the tv and i would say you know i thin..."
The Power of Laughter in Pain
Terry shares a touching memory of using humor to bring joy to his mother during her moments of pain. He reflects on how making her laugh became a coping mechanism for him, showcasing the resilience of the human spirit even in the darkest times.
"was my son and it was disdain um he didn't know he didn't know how to do it and so that's what it was and my whole young life i knew i had to get out because i didn't want to be a part of this super h..."
The Cycle of Abuse and Religion
Terry discusses the conflicting influences of religion and abuse in his household. He explains how his mother's strict religious beliefs clashed with his father's alcoholism, creating a toxic environment that shaped his understanding of love and acceptance.
"pleaser just make everything better this is going to cool everything out right and that was that was most of my existence as a little boy growing up in flint michigan that's the context did you ever f..."
The Legacy of Abandonment
Terry reveals the painful legacy of abandonment in his family, tracing it back to his grandfather's actions. He discusses how this history of neglect and trauma impacted his father's life and ultimately contributed to the cycle of abuse that affected Terry's upbringing.
"uh no big deal you know and i did a show with henry lewis gates called finding your roots and he went into my family's past and i found out that my grandfather he abandoned his family so he abandoned ..."
Discovering Pornography
In this candid segment, Terry opens up about his early exposure to pornography and how it became a coping mechanism for him. He reflects on the implications of this addiction and its impact on his life and relationships, emphasizing the need for awareness and understanding.
"and where they knew their dad was working and this was so traumatic for them because they didn't want people to find out they would visit him in jail but it was you know off and on and he would act li..."
The Early Encounter with Pornography
Terry recounts the first time he discovered pornography at his uncle's house, emphasizing how it was a formative experience that shaped his relationship with sexual content. He reflects on the pervasive nature of pornography and how it targets young minds, leading to lifelong struggles with addiction.
"and this is the thing you know it's funny because you know people have said well you know yeah there's nothing wrong with pornography you know with adults and the whole thing but the problem is is tha..."
The Power of Addiction
In this candid discussion, Terry reveals the extent of his pornography addiction, detailing how it consumed his life for years. He describes the compulsive behavior that took over his daily routine and the internal conflict he faced as he tried to break free from this cycle.
"and that was what attracted me i was and again i didn't even know what sex was but man all i knew is when i opened that magazine and saw those ladies in that magazine and how beautiful they were all m..."
The Impact on My Marriage
Terry opens up about how his addiction to pornography affected his marriage to Rebecca. He shares the false belief that marriage would eliminate his need for porn and the reality of how it became a secret that strained their relationship, leading to feelings of guilt and shame.
"that was on me like and i i had this addiction for the longest time how long oh my all the way up until 2010 right from my whole life from 19 from literally from the time i was about 10 to all the way..."
The Cycle of Guilt and Shame
In this segment, Terry discusses the emotional toll of his addiction, explaining how guilt and shame perpetuated a cycle of secrecy and further addiction. He reflects on the psychological impact of feeling 'bad' about himself and how it drove him back to pornography as a form of reward.
"and i found it would just keep going on and on and on how did it impact your marriage because you got married in 1989 listen it first of all i got married in 1989 to the most beautiful woman on earth ..."
The Wake-Up Call
Terry describes a pivotal moment in February 2010, when his wife confronted him about his behavior. This segment captures the emotional intensity of that conversation and the realization that his past actions had a profound impact on their relationship.
"for basically a lot of different addictions i mean and the you know starting with the serenity prayer which is you know god helped me accept the things that i cannot change and the courage to change t..."
Living a Lie
Terry reflects on the disconnect between his public persona as a successful actor and the private struggles he faced. He discusses how success can mask deeper issues and the realization that he was living a lie, which ultimately led to a breaking point in his marriage.
"and my wife uh was basically you know over the years she was always suspicious but what had happened is 10 years earlier basically in 2000 i had went to a massage parlor and got a hand job and cheated..."
The Confession
In a moment of vulnerability, Terry shares the confession he made to his wife about his infidelity. He explains the weight of that revelation and how it shattered the illusion of their perfect life, leading to a critical turning point in their relationship.
"nobody's going to say hey maybe you should you get a lot of psychopaths you get a lot of people telling me you're telling you you're right you're right i had tons of people like man you good in compar..."
The Moment of Truth
Terry Crews reflects on a pivotal moment in his marriage when he revealed a long-buried secret to his wife. He discusses the emotional fallout of his confession and how it impacted their relationship, highlighting the difference in perception of time between him and his wife regarding past events.
"i think it's over and she said you know i'm done she's like i don't know who you are i have no idea because see to me it happened ten years ago but to her it happened today i had a few words to say ab..."
Facing the Past
In this segment, Terry shares the shocking revelation he made to his wife about a past experience at a massage parlor. He explores the consequences of his honesty and the realization that his actions had lasting effects on their relationship, emphasizing the struggle of reconciling past mistakes.
"and so one of the things i'm doing now to reduce my calorie intake and trying to get back to being nutritionally complete and all i eat is i'm having the heel protein shake thank you hill for making a..."
The Fallout of Confession
Terry discusses the immediate aftermath of his confession to his wife, including her reaction and his feelings of blame. He reflects on the societal pressures of masculinity and how they influenced his behavior, revealing the internal conflict he faced during this tumultuous time.
"i was like she was like i'm gone that's it i'm out and i was like fine leave great thank you now we know because i was still blaming her i was like so you're not gonna stick with me cool you know what..."
The Search for Intimacy
Terry delves into the concept of intimacy and vulnerability in relationships. He explains how true intimacy requires openness and honesty, contrasting it with the superficial connections often mistaken for love. This segment highlights the importance of being known and accepted for one's true self.
"i'm not and then there i was by myself i remember in this hotel room and i was with my little thing like there it is it's over and then a little voice was like maybe it's me i was like who is that you..."
Masculinity vs. Vulnerability
In this thought-provoking segment, Terry discusses the paradox of masculinity and vulnerability. He shares insights on how societal expectations can hinder emotional connections and the importance of breaking down these barriers to achieve genuine intimacy in relationships.
"all your mama does that your mama knows everything and she loves you anyway that's why your love for your mother will never dissipate a good mom a good mom is always somebody that you like you put on ..."
The Cost of Masculine Defense
Terry reflects on how traditional views of masculinity can serve as a defense mechanism but ultimately prevent men from forming deep connections. He shares a poignant example from the life of Patrice Evra, illustrating the long-term effects of suppressing vulnerability.
"there's this almost apparent paradox between when you're a man you think that masculinity is the opposite of vulnerability right and you think masculinity is attractive and also in your case it can it..."
The Illusion of Control
In this segment, Terry discusses the false sense of control that comes from adhering to toxic masculinity. He emphasizes the importance of recognizing one's true self and the power of letting go of societal labels that can lead to destructive behavior.
"by his headmaster and and about all that pain that he had been you know he'd held behind that shield of his masculinity and until then he describes the same thing until then he wasn't able to have a r..."
The Reality of Objectification
Terry shares his experiences in the NFL and the culture of objectification that often surrounds women. He discusses the damaging mindset that reduces women to mere objects and the importance of recognizing their humanity in order to foster healthier relationships.
"shooting her it was like shooting her um it was wild i remember in the nfl that i look back on and i thought were you know moments of camaraderie but they were really it was really disturbingly twiste..."
Breaking the Cycle of Abuse
Terry reflects on the abusive behaviors he witnessed growing up and how they shaped his understanding of relationships. He discusses the need to break the cycle of abuse and the importance of acknowledging past traumas to foster healthier dynamics in the future.
"you know what i mean like you humans do but you be a mannequin and you can we can manipulate you in any way we want but don't talk because you're ruining it and when i say i've said this before and a ..."
Confronting Family Trauma
In this emotional segment, Terry recounts a painful memory from his childhood involving his mother. He discusses the impact of this experience on his life and the challenges of confronting family trauma, emphasizing the need for healing and understanding.
"and i remember she made me she she called me in the room and she said you got hair down there i was like what head down there she said yeah she said you have yes you have hair down there i said down w..."
The Journey to Self-Acceptance
Terry concludes this segment by discussing the importance of self-acceptance and the journey to reclaiming his identity. He reflects on the lessons learned from his past and the significance of embracing one's true self in the face of adversity.
"it's too painful no one wants to know they hurt their kids but it happened and it was part of me getting through every little bit and see i called the book tough because remember i brought up the fact..."
The Lowest Point: A Moment of Despair
In this poignant segment, Terry shares the darkest moment of his life, contemplating suicide after a visit to a massage parlor. He reflects on the shock of realizing how far he had fallen from his ideals and the emotional turmoil that led him to consider ending his life. This moment serves as a critical turning point in his journey toward self-acceptance and healing.
"i can get mad about someone calling me something i'm not like the thing i like to say is bill gates if you call him broke he just look at you and go go in his helicopter and fly away you know what i m..."
The Christmas from Hell
Terry recounts a traumatic Christmas experience when he received a call about his father's violent behavior towards his mother. He describes the surreal terror of realizing his children witnessed the abuse, leading him to confront his father physically. This segment highlights the impact of domestic violence on families and the emotional scars it leaves behind.
"like for a minute i remember thinking what if i just found a way to die and then make it look like it was an accident you know like i was kind of thinking of things you know after the massage parlor y..."
Confronting the Past
In a powerful moment of confrontation, Terry describes how he physically attacked his father after years of abuse. He reflects on the emotional weight of that moment, realizing that while he sought revenge, it ultimately did not heal the wounds of the past. This segment delves into the complexities of familial relationships and the struggle for closure.
"my mind and it was a very graphic scene is when i believe you're on the way to dinner with your wife and you get a phone call saying that big terry your father has punched your mother again and her to..."
The Illusion of Revenge
Terry discusses the realization that revenge does not bring true satisfaction or healing. He reflects on how his violent confrontation with his father did not change the past or improve his mother's situation. This segment emphasizes the importance of finding healthier ways to cope with trauma and the futility of seeking vengeance.
"and i said did my kids see it she said yes terry they saw it they were real kids my kids were there how old were you oh i was uh i just started so i was about 31 32 years old and um yeah man it was i ..."
Success vs. Revenge
In this insightful segment, Terry contrasts the concepts of success and revenge, arguing that one cannot achieve both. He shares his journey of understanding that true success lies in breaking free from cycles of violence and negativity, rather than seeking retribution. This discussion encourages viewers to reflect on their own paths to healing and growth.
"pow hit him dead in his mouth and there it was i was like man all those times you beat my mother up all those times i was running around five years old scared couldn't do nothing froze up i'm bigger t..."
Learning Control and Resilience
Terry reflects on his personal growth and the importance of emotional control. He draws parallels to the recent incident involving Will Smith and Chris Rock, discussing how maintaining composure can prevent chaos. This segment highlights the significance of emotional intelligence and resilience in navigating life's challenges.
"it didn't work and you know one thing i discovered even in writing this book was that you can either have success or revenge but you can't have both it's success would have been transcending that mome..."
The Journey of Change
Terry shares the gradual process of his transformation, emphasizing the small changes that led to significant personal growth. He recounts moments of self-discovery and the importance of understanding one's emotions. This segment illustrates the journey of self-improvement and the power of introspection.
"but it would have been complete bedlam quick one as you might know crafted are one of the sponsors of this podcast and crafted are a jewelry brand and they make really meaningful pieces of jewellery a..."
Breaking the Cycle of Anger
In this segment, Terry discusses how he learned to manage his anger and respond differently to situations, particularly with his children. He reflects on a moment when he chose to remain calm after his son spilled a drink, marking a significant change in his behavior. This highlights the importance of breaking the cycle of anger and fostering a nurturing environment.
"actually changed that was the moment wait first of all what was it that changed you what was the process you know remember this was years in okay and it was small minor minor changes just one after th..."
Recognition of Change
Terry shares a touching moment with his wife, who acknowledges his transformation. He reflects on the significance of her support and the journey they have taken together. This segment emphasizes the importance of recognizing personal growth and the impact of love and partnership in overcoming challenges.
"and i'll never forget this guy came up to me saying man can i get an autograph and i was gonna do it i was in practice i said and i looked at him i said no he said come on man come on man i said no no..."
The Importance of Vulnerability
In this closing segment, Terry discusses the necessity of vulnerability in his journey. He expresses a desire to share his story to help others feel less alone in their struggles. This segment underscores the importance of openness and honesty in healing and encourages men to embrace their vulnerabilities.
"that's what i knew that's what i knew and that's one of the biggest reasons why i have to tell it simply because i don't want people to feel like they're alone i don't want men to feel like they're al..."
Confronting the Past
Terry Crews contemplates the potential trajectory of his life had he not confronted his past and embraced change. He acknowledges that his temper could have led to destructive outcomes, including the loss of his marriage. This segment highlights the importance of self-reflection and the transformative power of facing one's demons to foster healthier relationships.
"it's not enough to hit people in your car and go my bad and pull off but you have to understand in the world today you said my bad i said i'm sorry bye and you leave people broken you just hit somebod..."
The Assault in Hollywood
Terry Crews bravely recounts his experience of being sexually assaulted by a Hollywood executive. He describes the disbelief and lack of support he faced when reporting the incident, illustrating the pervasive culture of silence and fear in the industry. This segment sheds light on the challenges survivors encounter and the importance of speaking out against abuse.
"what do you think your life would be like if you hadn't looked yourself in the mirror and started to own up to and confront that i i don't believe i'd be here today i really don't um my temper i would..."
The Cost of Silence
In this segment, Terry Crews discusses the repercussions of silence surrounding sexual assault in Hollywood. He shares his frustrations with the inadequate responses from those in power and the systemic issues that allow such behavior to persist. This reflection emphasizes the need for accountability and the courage required to challenge the status quo.
"that happened to me when uh my own agent assaulted me and i went to the head of the motion picture department and i was like hey man i said this dude you can't molest the clients and the guy looked at..."
Empathy for Will Smith
Terry Crews expresses empathy for Will Smith following the infamous Oscars incident, drawing parallels to his own struggles with anger and violence. He reflects on the pressures that can lead individuals to react impulsively and the importance of understanding the complexities of human emotions. This segment highlights the shared experiences of public figures and the need for compassion.
"i'm about to put my hand through his head and my wife i looked at her and she's and this is where i went to because my wife has seen me there's a long trail of people who've been knocked out by terry ..."
The Double Standard in Hollywood
Terry Crews critiques the double standards in Hollywood regarding accountability for misconduct. He shares his experience of reporting his assault and the dismissive response he received, contrasting it with the serious consequences faced by others for different types of offenses. This segment underscores the need for systemic change in how the industry handles allegations of abuse.
"because i didn't do it when people take that you took that to your agency the head of your agency and you told him what what had happened and he said he said well he's a partner and he said listen thi..."
The Fight for Justice
In this segment, Terry Crews discusses his decision to sue his former agency after experiencing sexual assault. He emphasizes that his motivation was not financial gain but rather a quest for justice and accountability. This reflection highlights the importance of standing up against powerful figures and the collective strength of survivors coming forward.
"i snapped because i knew nothing was going down they let them get away with it and so when i when i met with ari i said hey ari i said man first of all you wrote a letter to mel gibson demanding that ..."
The Power of Speaking Out
Terry Crews shares the impact of the #MeToo movement on his journey, revealing how it encouraged others to come forward with their own stories of abuse. He reflects on the importance of solidarity among survivors and the necessity of creating a safe space for dialogue. This segment emphasizes the transformative power of speaking out and the hope for change in the industry.
"and what happened was i decided to sue i spent 500 000 of my own money suing william morris endeavor and what was crazy is that they bought me every step of the way until people came out of the woodwo..."
Shame and Success
Terry Crews explores the relationship between shame and his drive for success, revealing how both his achievements and struggles stem from the same source. He discusses the complexities of using pain as motivation and the need for self-acceptance. This segment highlights the duality of human experience and the journey toward healing and fulfillment.
"in the first place because it's unacceptable remember it's not enough to say my bad you can't tell me you can't grab me in front of my wife and all this and be like oh my bad i got high that day that'..."
The Duality of Success and Struggle
Terry Crews reflects on how both his success and struggles stem from the same source of pain. He discusses the paradox of using shame and anger as motivators, revealing how these emotions can drive hard work and achievement while also creating internal conflict.
"which created anger and all of these other things and these the escape of pornography but the other side of it the thing that everybody claps for which made you an anomaly as well and gave you that dr..."
The Relentless Pursuit of Self-Worth
Crews shares his experience of working tirelessly to prove his worth, often pushing himself to extremes in both physical fitness and career pursuits. He emphasizes how his self-worth was tied to external validation, leading to a cycle of overwork and self-doubt.
"right yes it and it's um it it's it's kind of wild because these things you know if you get a lot done when you are running off shame or even even revenge these kind of things you get a lot done like ..."
From NFL Pain to Hollywood Success
Transitioning from the NFL to acting, Terry Crews discusses the challenges he faced in Hollywood. He highlights the importance of resilience and the ability to endure pain, which became his defining skill in both sports and entertainment.
"obsessed or a worker oh my god i mean hey man you talking about i used to i'm the kind of guy who would work out until you passed out like like work out to every muscle in my body cramped up because i..."
Reframing Work and Self-Identity
Crews explains how therapy helped him redefine his relationship with work. He shares insights on self-acceptance and the realization that his value is inherent, not dependent on external achievements or others' opinions.
"um it was the only thing i could feel good about myself for you know what i mean like it was one of those things where all my self-worth came from it that's why when she said you know what what if a d..."
Embracing the Inner Child
Terry Crews discusses the significance of reconnecting with his inner child. He shares a poignant moment of self-reflection, emphasizing the importance of self-love and acceptance in overcoming shame and guilt.
"like mom i'm gonna be the best kid i'm gonna be the best kid in the church that you've ever seen because of the pleaser thing and the whole thing and then the shame would make you bad again and always..."
The Power of Authenticity
Crews reflects on the manipulative nature of shame and competition in society. He advocates for authenticity, encouraging others to embrace their uniqueness rather than conforming to societal pressures.
"unstoppable when you start doing the work with the therapist and you start unpacking a lot of this stuff how does this change your relationship with work oh it became where hey man you're good because..."
Redefining Strength
In this segment, Terry Crews discusses how his book challenges traditional notions of masculinity and strength. He emphasizes the importance of vulnerability and honesty in redefining what it means to be strong.
"would you tell him you would hug him you know the little boy who kissed his dad and got shunned out the room you would be like man it's okay i love you man you're a good boy you know i'm the same pers..."
Finding Satisfaction in Storytelling
Terry shares his feelings of satisfaction after discussing his life experiences openly. He highlights the importance of sharing one's story authentically, contrasting it with the often distorted narratives found on social media.
"i'm the only and by being the only you are the best that's it and i went oh my god like that was watershed so much pressure off you see what i'm saying it's like whoa now i'm working because i like it..."