"I did everything that voice told me to do that night had that voice have told me to jump off Thames Bridge I would have done it please welcome David"

"have done it please welcome David it's U.S drama home"

"it's U.S drama home the most influential voices on race and mental health I remember reading about a moment when you come home you find your father's typewriter with one word written on the typewriter..."

"keep this yourself [Music] foreign"

"foreign [Music] what do I have to understand about your"

"what do I have to understand about your very earliest years to understand the man you are this perspective you"

"the man you are this perspective you have and the work you do today what is the most important context wow that's an interesting question what do I need to what do you need to know"

"about me then um that I was probably naive open innocent uh and probably more"

"um probably more conflicted than I thought I was I I was a vessel and into that vessel was just been poured so much I'll say false information wrong information that um at some point it had to"

"at some point it had to smash break I grew up at a time when there weren't many black people on television and there weren't many black images that on television or anywhere and I think I think that i..."

"false false picture uh has only recently emerged does that make sense not entirely unless I get further context what was the picture of yourself you grew up with I would say you know I just think I wa..."

"way too that's hard that's a really interesting question I had really thought about that but I think it's only it's only in recently recent years and having asked myself some of the questions that I'v..."

"I don't think my color was important and that's why I say I was naive I didn't think my color was that important I had no concept of myself as a sort of young black man and that's why I say I grew up ..."

"my you know I I heard the one I heard the phrase one time you're not black you're normal which is so bizarre so that your identity as a black person was sort of ironed out you you just you just you're..."

"think and the world said to me you're black it was a real sort of wake-up call for me and seriously contributed to what happened two years after I left going back to your your mother and your father h..."

"really uh very proud um didn't really speak much didn't really um it wasn't wasn't particularly involved in our education wasn't particularly involved in shaping who we were you know he was very much ..."

"sit and what's the telly and in peace and just you know I often tried to talk to him when I was a kid but he he was a very difficult man to sort of open up um whereas my mother was my mother was alway..."

"that she used to you know some of the fights that she had some of the battles that she had when I was writing my book you know as I said we were the only black family on that street and she was consta..."

"your father um you write a lot about how hard working he was um the the lack of affection you've described there the lack of openness um as you look back now was there a is there was that was there a ..."

"the fact that he didn't that's difficult because it feels as like I'm criticizing him and I don't really want to do that but I think it was a loving home there was a lot of laughter in the house but t..."

"of you know there was a lot of humor in the house but there wasn't necessarily a lot of tenderness and you know I I kissed my kids every morning when they go to school it's just that why but I I don't..."

"my dad didn't do that not not because not because he he um purposely didn't do it I just think just don't think he thought it was that important maybe do you think he knew how to do that I don't know ..."

"your mum's reaction there when I read about this seemed uncomfortably calm well what are you gonna do you know and she wasn't always calm and there was times when she she did you know grab people by t..."

"you were a target people don't understand that especially people especially people that haven't experienced race racist debut the idea of leaving the school Gates and the the journey home being anxiou..."

"I thought I'm gonna go and sit in the Leeds end and back in the day back in the day you could um at half time you could literally walk into the ground so I thought you know I think I was about 12 mayb..."

"uh my dad was a prolific sort of organizer and uh he started this this Darts League and I was always on the typewriter writing out the results and writing out that who's played who and who had won and..."

"happened really quickly and they sort of kept me away from it but unbeknownst to me my brothers were holding my dad down in the kitchen because he would he he sort of lost it how do they explain being..."

"same again and I don't think I think he had a really bad time in there a really really difficult and bad time which I don't think he ever forgave my mother for understanding what you understand now ab..."

"I think he'd found that difficult and um resentment had built up and I I think I was going to say a point earlier on that illustrates this but a friend of mine used to told me that his dad used to wor..."

"with cope with mentally when I read through your book and also a lot of the stories you've told me today I mean I remember one particular story where you gotta you got a girlfriend in school and then ..."

"dealing with it because I only found the records I only did that documentary I only all this is recent and I think if I'd talk to you last year I'd probably be in tears by now because so much of this ..."

"um it's okay to be not be you know darkest McFly you know who just beats down all the girls dances fantastically does you know he's the Alpha Black it's okay not to be the alpha black guy it's okay an..."

"well that's exactly what I had so you know when I came out of Radha so I had I had tough I had this sort of when I was started being an actor you know blackmens I'm like you're gonna be a what that's ..."

"there and she said it's amazing low calories you get your 20 odd grams of protein you get your 26 vitamins and minerals and it's nutritionally complete then the protein space there's lots of things bu..."

"what would you have had to change a void do differently before then to have avoided that happening that's a million dollar question this really is a million dollar question and I'm not sure there was ..."

"both um scary and um worrying what do you remember about that time because it seems to be quite a blur when you recount the events you it's almost like you have these abstract memories of just differe..."

"give me an example of something that you recount that is well it's interesting because my one of the Consultants that was in the documentary tells me that um because I thought she asked me for an exam..."

"read that you were you hailed a taxi and it was ultimately the exchange of the taxi driver I mean this was an extraordinary I mean that was an extraordinary and again it was the voice of Martin Luther..."

"got my clothes on and walked all the way to Camden obviously the shop was closed it's 10 o'clock in the morning you know I'm out of my nuts so um and I was exhausted and I thought I've got to go home ..."

"and you have to make that call to have them sectioned and luckily for me my friends had been there because if they weren't there I think I would have been in real trouble oh my God I would have been i..."

"I think and again I mean we didn't you know speaking to my con the consultant who was working on my documentary It's a combination of both things your propensity your your uh the chances of you having..."

"and the hostility that I was met with as a young black actor was ferocious newspapers newspapers reviews just dismissing me completely dismissing me and I sort of left John's school with a bit of heat..."

"always in the middle of that monologue black people would get up and walk out and it was really tough to deal with it was really tough to try and they were such Chop Sing and but as they walked out an..."

"how long from being section to getting back to acting how long was that sort of recovery process per se it was a lot quicker than I realized actually which I which surprised me I thought it was going ..."

"I sat here with uh Maisie Williams um the young Game of Thrones actress and she talked to me about how act acting was a form of escapism in her life because her home had such little joy that acting be..."

"the true nature of a thing of art it's like somebody who paints I think you know they want to create something and they're free to create like Van Gogh could be taught that it could be tortured but he..."

"uncontrollable life is full of contradictions full of difference full of failures and success it's just it's it's uh it's very difficult to distill whereas on stage I know you know I can play that and..."

"work at it 2019 you was the the first time 2017-2019 was the first time she really opened up about your experiences in terms of to the Press I'd always I I mean like that's that was the shock of it is..."

"2019 you um produced the documentary hmm everybody talks about that documentary really incredibly powerful but just artistically brilliant in so many ways but so many people talk about it you know I e..."

"you know and she watches you know she went and she was like she was afterwards she said she was wearing the you know the kids might get ribbed at school or you know your dad's there is that and I didn..."

"it's a shame attached to to particularly psychosis and particularly to being taken away it's a shame attached to it for some reason maybe because I'm an actor I have no shame so me a recognizable succ..."

"I sometimes sit here with people and there's a moment where they let the wall down and the wall can be a number of things sometimes it's sexuality sometimes it's something that they've been holding in..."

"black people being restrained by police the amount of Crim the criminalization of that the criminalization particularly black people in that period of illness of psychosis is look at the people in Ame..."

"so it just all this stuff was coming out all these stuff was coming at me and I couldn't really process it and I remember going into my therapist and just flying my eyes out because it's too much it's..."

"yes no and and you know again I think of myself thinking about the acting side of it you know I've always had this ability to not method but I really throw myself into a character and I love that and ..."

"something somebody else but even reading about even reading about psychosis is someone that's never been through it it makes me realize that it's completely possible for me to find myself in that situ..."

"and you know I know how having you know having been there I said I was I'm just lucky that I think my doctor said it that he said you know we're lucky David is uh calm essentially a clown because my p..."

"I didn't realize at the time but I think I was really specific when the documentary went out I was very very vulnerable and it really was painful I and I it was uncomfortable and I used I get what I w..."

"the night before after all the regrets were and then maybe afterwards there was like maybe I've said too much you know maybe people don't now see because since then I've done a lot more a lot more doc..."

"I want complexity I want a challenge so when I'm finding that in the world of documentaries and I really enjoy doing that this has never been done before ever keeping a diary has fundamentally changed..."

"um and now as an entrepreneur and many other things in a director unbelievably um successful unbelievably successful um against many many odds why you yeah you have the talent you're a Class Clown you..."

"it's funny the things that often give us our USPS are also entirely linked to the things that give us our difficulties and our struggles and it seems to be the case in what you've said it's funny beca..."

"really look after yourself because what does that mean to you look after yourself uh control what I can control and don't if I don't get a job I don't get a job I can't there's nothing I can do about ..."

"controlling what you can control it made me realize that this word popped into my head I almost imagined myself stood at a Crossroads and one path was like control what I can control and that says lef..."

"for yourself slash children foreign I would say crack open the universe you know inspire those around me an inspirational figure in in what you do be an example in what you do and let me I'll give you..."