"purpose the number one Health and Wellness podcast  sold like a million and a half books Jay you know how much I love you I think we live in a world  where we think sacrificing our purpose makes us a ..."

"what's up Stephen it's good to see you  this is a this is a question that people are so flippantly right because that's just  the way Society is and the way we all are but I mean this question in the ..."

"I pushed myself to limits that I never thought I  could when it came to work productivity efficiency Effectiveness impact like the quality of the  impact this year was higher because everything else w..."

"tools and skills that I need so what are the  symptoms of that how do you know you're there I know I'm there because what have you been  feeling yeah I've been feeling like I want to know where I want..."

"achieve what I want to achieve I think I'd waste  time waste effort I think we'd spend time being doing stuff that didn't really excite me or move  me I think that I think you get to a point where you..."

"genuinely listening and genuinely compassionately  giving it didn't come from a place of patterns algorithms studying and research like that's  not why the impact happened if that makes sense do you e..."

"thought and I didn't want to be that I wanted  to dive into building a podcast and writing a book because I wanted long form I wanted quality I  just felt like I felt like there was only so much I cou..."

"whereas a program can do that a book can do that  a podcast that people listen to religiously and build a habit can rewire parts of themselves and  so to me I was like I'm more interested in habit cha..."

"lot of people said to me they were like Jay why  are you going from meditation and mindfulness and think like a monk to talk about love like why  why would you even do that and I was like because that..."

"as I was in the beginning all the time and  I'm and I'm intrigued at how you feel about this especially having built something so huge  and now I know you're building something again I can't that you ..."

"way you never were before that doesn't make  me more scared or more uh fearful it just means I can't ignore it and I think that's the  balance that I'm always going on it's like how much do you want t..."

"well no I I get where you're and by the way I  actually don't disagree with that I get where that's coming from and I can appreciate where that  sentiment comes from because we've all been forced to b..."

"want the most honest answer which is does that has  that ever bothered you have you ever have you ever received received that kind of critical feedback  and it's bothered you yeah there was definitely..."

"it wasn't anything specific it was just feeling  that there was a lot of because I wrote a book called think like a monk which I still stand  by the title I still stand by the whole book The reason I ..."

"and that's not a story though isn't that's not  a story exactly and I think that was hard for me because I'd always believed that people would feel  your genuineness and and and they'd respect that um..."

"I'm comfortable with that but that seven days  was me doing all that work to process it bring me into this bring me in good man Stephen only  Stephen only with you man only with you literally bring me..."

"for a day and I gave myself a day I said I'm  gonna let myself do it today because I want to be informed I want to be aware and you know you  just said this to me you were like you know Jay I didn't s..."

"do and you're kind of doing this whole defensive  and explaining and that all of that was day one uh maybe even day two and I think day three and  four were really the hardest because you start to bel..."

"not doing that enough and so I'd say that was day  three and four and that was the hardest because you're now taking someone else's words to  be your worth and you're taking someone's writing to be wh..."

"what was feedback what was shots fired and what I believed about  myself run me through those three so the way I and and and even deeper than all  three of those and I'll talk about those three but ev..."

"of what role does this play in our society that's  the most difficult Point um to understand which is I remember someone tweeted something at me the  other day and they just like they just you know be..."

"right context yeah especially if you've got a bad  day and the wife or the husband has given us a hug you know and then I understand I'm ugly too  yeah you know um but going to those three those three..."

"just do the work and maybe I do need to spend more  time giving context do you think though because there's so many people that do the content the  helping people the you know the genius stuff you do ..."

"part of it and and I recognize that that's  a massive Paradox and by the way I'm living that Paradox which is even crazier because  it there's all that there's so much of that self guilt and transform..."

"uh there's a beautiful story that I love that  we would often be shared in the monastery where the teacher asks a student if you could give  one person a hundred pounds or give a hundred people one po..."

"or For Worse I remember that you know we've been  able to do so many beautiful things whether it's things privately or even publicly when you  know my wife and I did this fundraiser for covid for Indi..."

"makes sense and it's the idea as well of like  if someone says they're humble or practicing humility it's like they're in ego right now it's  yeah it's not possible to think to yourself oh I'm I'm I'm..."

"shouldn't avoid that I shouldn't sit here and say  no no I know I'm an amazing human being and I'm a good intention I know all this thing I am good  intentioned I am someone who cares about people I I..."

"based on very different things than my self-worth  is based on do you ever find you know when you're saying all of this you're describing exactly  me and my partner I love that man that's good she wak..."

"my timeline now at the same time I think opening  up conversations like I will have the conversation with my wife and be like uh are you thinking  about setting goals or intentions for 2023 and do you..."

"you working hard and being a miserable human being  quick one intelligent of our podcast sponsors and I want to talk to you for a second about that  built for business vpro platform in today's Working..."

"way that pattern could last a week and it could be  over next week yeah and that person's now guilty and shameful of and they're dealing with something  far deeper so I don't think this can ever be oh..."

"they can't find that voice within themselves it's  so interesting because I imagine almost everybody listening to this has those gripes with their  partner 100 whether you've been together for five mi..."

"path that Rebecca should take to deliver that to  Dave yeah at what point should she go [ __ ] Dave you know what I mean because because it's a  success is a team sport in this record right first thin..."

"we're having in relationships right now is we're  saying well I like this why don't you like it relationships are saying I love that you love  that and I love this you go do your thing I'll go do mine..."

"to think that we're better greater human beings  because we see something better for someone and there are projects and they're a project and I  talk about that in the book the idea that you know the ..."

"think so many people say to me Jay just you know  my my partner just won't read your book I really want them to read your book and I'm like please  don't do that to them you're about to push that pers..."

"um that question that Rebecca should be asking  Dave which I've never really thought about before which is the first question you should ask them is  like where do they want their life to go and where..."

"I mean by that is there's an amazing study that  was done that said that in order for someone to be considered a casual friend you have to spend  40 hours with them in order for someone to be consider..."

"they want to get to but most of us don't even  know where our partners want to go or where we want to go so we're struggling with like three  fundamental things that define love and we'll never know b..."

"both do something that you both are not experts  at often what we do in relationships is we say oh well I love football come watch football with  me or I love this come watch this with me I love this ..."

"is education go and learn together maybe there is  a book that you can both read together maybe there is a podcast you can listen together maybe there  is a retreat that you both want to go on maybe t..."

"they take a bit more planning yes they take a bit  more time than watching TV actually maybe you know I had argue that takes the same amount of time  the quality of your relationship will Skyrocket im..."

"uh to entertain us it brings me to chapter five of  your book where you say purpose comes first yeah and there's a quote I wrote down which is for any  of us to bring the best version of ourselves to ..."

"us forward in life yeah so The Vedas talk about  these four Pursuits in life who's Vedas The Vedas v-e-d-a-s are the uh kind of umbrella scriptures  the umbrella spiritual texts that have all of this ..."

"uh and so those are the four Pursuits and it's  really interesting to me that Dharma is placed as the first Pursuit not love and it's really  interesting because you look at people they did a study on..."

"seven and so their perception of loneliness their  perception of being alone was far greater and so a lot of us skip purpose because we find connection  is an easier solve to our internal unhealing so..."

"and control and so I do this very simply and  I ask couples that I work with and I've worked with I've been coaching a lot of couples over the  last few years especially while writing this book and I ..."

"and so I think we live in a world where we think  sacrificing our purpose makes us a better partner we think the self-sacrifice and the self-sabotage  of our own goals and our own Pursuits makes us a ..."

"the exact same thing word for word is if we're  dating I want to be your second priority I want your first priority to be you your Ambitions your  life and your future because my priority right now is..."

"you've got to come with me you've got to be if I  was saying this hypothetically to my wife you've got to be on every flight I take next year I I  my work's really important I'm saving the world I'm d..."

"because that's the point that we're talking about  where you skip step one you've skipped Dharma and you've leaned into Karma because you don't want  to sort Dharma Dharma is making sense of who you a..."

"relationship down potentially ruin a great thing  and push someone away amen and and actually make a mess of the situation and so it's kind of like a  game where it's like you could have the cheat cod..."

"and you're not going to push away something that's  powerful and to summarize these steps so Dharma is um as written here in the book purpose clarifies  your values and priorities um to yourself and y..."

"digital and like she's not meeting enough people  she thinks maybe if I go get my hair done and this done and I get that done or if I get a membership  to Soho house maybe then I'll [ __ ] meet a guy ..."

"interesting here about like delaying gratification  just generally I was actually reading yesterday um about the people that delay gratification in  their lives and those that don't and why from a phy..."

"also you also attract what you use to impress so  if you use something specific to impress someone that's the quality and vibration of energy you're  attracting so if I use money money like I did yeah..."

"that I love to share and it's about a kid who  finds like a gem in his house like a stone and he goes up to his dad and he says how much is this  Stone worth Dad what's the value of this Stone and the..."

"um it you know I wasn't going to ask this question  but it tees up because I always think about you know Sophia who's listening to this and it's just  heard you say that and she's going I completely a..."

"and I know what value I bring to a relationship  you were just talking about doing hard things so let's talk about sex sex is a huge part of  relationships yeah and one of the one of the really intere..."

"to me it comes back down to everything  we've just been talking about sexual chemistry and attraction and connection is  all based on a how someone feels about themself if someone themselves is not fe..."

"can how can you expose yourself that vulnerably if  if you can't even have a vulnerable conversation with your partner because you just switch on  the TV every night and avoid that difficult conversat..."

"manage or engineer or manufacture like it's not  this separate thing it's it's based on how close I feel to you and the point is when don't feel close  to our partners because we don't do anything tha..."

"that's massively unhealthy there's something it  does to expectations as well and expectations of the key of that's what we're saying yeah your  expectations of sex become completely unrealistic your ..."

"doesn't ever make someone want to open up like  if you run up to your partner and said God you just watch porn all the time that you you know  you're one of the worst guys like haven't seen all my mat..."

"to you it was one of the hardest no thanks it was  one of the hardest and best things though because one of the things we don't realize and  I want to address this and celibacy is really interesting t..."

"to have access to it and so that's why I'm here  today that's a brilliant question well done Ria or whoever it is all Cristiano Ronaldo if you  did that one that I would I would flip out former Manche..."

"in more detail in this wonderful book which  really is another pioneering book of our time and say that on the back of it I'm actually so  happy I'm on the back of it that's amazing um so everybody go..."