"I think out of everything [Music] she was worried about me do you know what I mean like that was her last thought like [Music] Davina McCall she's a TV presenter a fitness fanatic multiple times best-..."

"[Music] what was your first defining moment oh um definitely uh realizing the moment I realized my mum wasn't coming back to pick me up so I got taken to my granny's my paternal grandmother most amazi..."

"because it's set up a chain of events a fear of Abandonment that kind of made me make some really stupid decisions all through my teenage years into my twenties um and and something that I've worked d..."

"make sense yeah so my sister also was my lifeline in Paris so my sister who's six years older than me even though we did do drugs together and I know that sounds bad but she was my rock like she was m..."

"but I often wonder whether it's it was the hardship that made me when you know small wins or little winds in my life were massive oh yeah you know a hug from my mum that felt a little bit like a paren..."

"was beginning I moved to London when I was nearly 14. and when I moved to London suddenly the safety of the country had disappeared and I started finding ways to go out and take drugs and find people ..."

". so when I was 19 I um I'd left school I went to Australia for a few months I came back and I thought I'm going to save up money I'm going to get you know go working I'm going to save up some money I..."

"went back to Australia and I I got a job as a waitress I was a really really good waitress I loved waitressing did you ever do that well my mum had a restaurant when I was super young so I did did it ..."

"that made me feel good about myself so it was a great job for me when did you first realize that you wanted to do something in media TV um or was it more yeah no so that that's quite a good story so I..."

"blondstein and um a guy called Graham we were in charge of entertaining the celebrities from Victoria train station to Amsterdam and back and it was like Duran Duran um zodiac mind warp I mean it was ..."

"and eventually a year later Mike Calvin said there's a vacancy so I'm 24. I've just got clean I'm I'm six months clean and sober I'm absolutely radioactive I can't believe I'm sober I still can't beli..."

"and she got me into her car and I was like I'm so excited about going to see Santana I was probably what Santana um it's a band ah Stephen Bartlett I know sorry go and do some revision okay can you ju..."

"she gets me in the car and she goes I know you've been lying to me we all know you've been lying to us all your friends and you are the topic of conversation at every dinner party I go to and this sha..."

"um tomorrow she's like yeah yeah I'm going at six o'clock you know World's End come and meet me there I was like oh yeah you know I'm just interested to see what you know like what it's like it's just..."

"and weirdly having tried to get a job at MTV while I was using all those years the the time they say come in for an interview we're going to finally screen test you after three years of trying I was s..."

"you know if you work through these steps and it is like people would go oh it's like a cult you know it's really bad but I did replace my addiction with addiction to Narcotics Anonymous but I know whi..."

"another transformational moment when I got hypnotized um for a job that I was doing about eight years ago and that was like that was when the impermeable seal went on my fear of Abandonment and it was..."

"and it's hard to let go of I mean I didn't even think really that my fear of Abandonment issue was still there but I do think I do think it was and we did some regression work where I went back to me ..."

"comfort her as if she was your child so I put I put my arm around her and I thought okay this is easier and then her head went on my on my chest and I was stroking her hair I said I don't know what to..."

"all went click I am gonna be okay I looked at her and I got like her head in my hands and I was like you are gonna be okay your life is going to be amazing and it will be full of you know ups and down..."

"just wait and see what happens there he said this this was basically to stop you feeling like you're gonna be abandoned at the bottom of the sea but actually I think maybe we've done something bigger ..."

"in my outlook on life it's been Mega so your your career then in TV one of the things I read is that it was heavily fueled we kind of talked about this before we start recording by your desire to be f..."

"failed singer what else can I do to get famous all of this obviously mum look at me you made a mistake look how great I am that's at the back of everything right and I mean for example when I was 15 o..."

"first show and I went up to the dressing room afterwards and I cried and I cried and I cried and I couldn't figure out why I was crying and I called my sponsor which is something you you have a Narcot..."

"need to warn everybody you know being famous you've got to do it for the right reasons I did it for the wrong reasons and now I'm here and I've got this job and I'm on the wheel and I don't know how t..."

"happy like I can't even I sat oh do you know it was really funny because I said I said to my boyfriend this morning I said I'm going to do this thing with Stephen Bartlett this morning and he was like..."

"oh my God it's like I can't I cannot quite believe it and I'd and I don't you know I've been walking forwards but I don't know how I got here just walked forwards you know but settling settling down u..."

"quick tell everyone it's gonna be okay Stephen it's gonna be okay never had someone say to me that their feelings of Happiness make them emotional oh and when I think about it oh well because I'm grat..."

"thank you very much I'm going to have that it's like you are healing yourself this is your n a meeting this is this is your this is your recovery yeah this is your recovery and how amazing is that gre..."

"long career after that when you reflect on what advice you would have given yourself or like why you made it to the very top of that that pyramid what is the answer Davina this is another thing that I..."

"I thought I need to get into technology and the internet and I need to go online and I came up with an idea for I thought about it in terms of an Exhibition Center but you could put that online where ..."

"part of that moment in their life where they learn something that's been a niche that they couldn't scratch for years and years and we can provide that scratch um so I always think well just start wal..."

"there's this word manifestation you've used in this conversation what role and what does that mean to you you know you're talking there about proactively like attacking the day I I almost liken it to ..."

"many people and we all know them that have sofa ideas they'll turn to you while they're watching yeah I've got this idea for this TV show sometimes they're really good right fantastic but it doesn't m..."

"said be as annoying as a mosquito and I was like I think that's me I am as annoying as a mosquito and that when I meet somebody and I bet you're the same Stephen when you see a kid and a kid comes up ..."

"with moments as I saw in yours where I just sent the email had nothing to lose whilst sucking stealing pizzas on my own in Manchester what did I have to lose at that point by just sending loads of ema..."

"yes that hasn't happened yet I'm always like oh you're saying No but you mean maybe you mean maybe give me an ask again quick one some of you know Intel are sponsoring this podcast and for me Intel ha..."

"to find out more and to get your hands on an Intel Evo laptop go to intel.co.uk Evo and let me know how you get on quick one for many years people have been asking for a coffee flavored heel and quite..."

"Smash Hit so check it out let me know what you think on social media I see all of your tags and Instagram posts and tweets about your the podcast I sat here with Professor Galloway Scott Galloway and ..."

"so I told you a little bit about Caroline with my mum and that she she was six years older than me and she lived in Paris she was the result of my mum's pregnancy when she was 16. and she endured a lo..."

"I understood her and she understood me and all my defects of character and she knew exactly why I did things and she was an instiller person quite an insular person and her favorite thing would be to ..."

"come and talk to me when I have a bath I mean I was so annoying I was an annoying little sister right until the very end so she'd come over to the house and she'd sit on the floor and I'd go like talk..."

"too much weed or menopause or something she became a bit forgetful she kept going off menopause I can't remember what's going on she had a sore back and she'd fallen over we'd been in the garden and s..."

"on the floor all night um she was in her pajamas she soiled herself she couldn't move she was paralyzed down half her body and I was like it's a stroke quick call the ambulance the quicker we can get ..."

"have to I just said I'm just gonna go and call um my mum and dad I'm just gonna go and call them and just let them know what's happening and I called them I couldn't breathe I was like in the corridor..."

"painful child she'd never done the work she'd never got to na or AAA she wasn't really an addict I mean you know she smoked a lot of weed but I didn't I didn't see her as that she wasn't an alcoholic ..."

"and just hung out with her and we got a carer and she she had chemo booked in but the first chemo was booked in for two days after she died and we thought she had six months we wrote a bucket list and..."

"you about so obviously no one had ever seen the naked and she had this amazing caracal Claire oh my God she was the best ever she was the most gentle she understood respect and dignity and she knew Ca..."

"and I got to she had the softer skin I'm very furry my my sister had no hair like at all she was bald as a coot and her arms and stuff was so soft I got the difference I was like oh my God Caroline yo..."

"what is that process of grief like uh you know I ask these questions because I've been fortunate enough to not go through that Arc of grief yeah and I think about it it's been like I think it haunts m..."

"it's called yeah a group of islands all groups [Music] so I I don't so your partner I know you don't talk about personal life but is it like two islands have come together so you've formed a like a li..."

"funnily enough my girlfriend is the opposite which is funny because I sat here with a relationship matchmaking expert and he talked about these three different types of attachment that we have one of ..."

"relationships no because I had the fear of Abandonment yeah but then this this I feel like this hypnotist kind of transformed me to be able to form healthy friendships um change my whole outlook I thi..."

"and we know nothing about it this is a crime to to Womanhood and it is also not good for society because women are behaving in a bizarre and irrational and over emotional way sometimes 75 percent of w..."

"people this could be seriously good but like page one of menopause questions I still get asked can I take HRT well I've still got periods yes that is exactly when it's the best time to take HRT oh my ..."

"figuring all of that stuff out but what are those symptoms to be looking for and how much do they impact one's life and relationships so the symptoms can be varied they can you can just get one sympto..."

"differently uh in midlife and estrogen and um the way that that affects your digestive system and your gut changes in menopause that's like fascinating so many changes happen and so I had night sweats..."

"it postpone your menopause it doesn't postpone your menopause but if you stop taking it you've wean yourself off you can occasionally get nod flush even after your periods have stopped um it's just th..."

"and I thought oh you know banter hilarious yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm terrified and then I thought actually do you know what I'm gonna send you a direct message so I messaged him because h..."

"a man to then go oh I see it's like oh he gets it do you know what though there's um there's a fear I have about this because even in the case of him buying the book and then running in I know it was ..."

"bit of understanding and no banter banter is like bad in several situations banter is bad around periods do not do banter back periods you can do banter about haircuts clothing uh loads of things but ..."

"even something is kind of you know lingerie to me is a is a superpower like lingerie is one of the most important Builders of self-confidence when I was single I used to wear badass lingerie because t..."

"like I can do a job and and do something lovely I mean I'm not sure if I would find anybody to get that off the ground because it's it's quite extreme but this is yeah I've said it out loud on here so..."

"my husband okay no they've got the wrong picture up there I've written to Apple so many times I've gone yeah I have I keep writing to Apple podcasts going mate please swap Michael Douglas's photo for ..."

"but when she died she freed me up to remember funny times as well as all of when she was alive I could only remember the bad and what I was missing and when she died you know I was able to remember he..."

"yeah when um I wrote a tweet about Sarah everard's death when it was getting really nasty online about men yeah um and I said that um that abduction and death from abduction is very rare and we don't ..."

"back I know lots of men that really changed their behavior after hearing about how frightened women are in the streets and you know like if they're walking towards a woman just go I said go or cross o..."

"somebody's whole career gets finished you're never letting them learn the lesson they've got to you've got to let them learn the lesson come back and give them the space to say I could have done it di..."