"the number one reason for breakups is not Finance infidelity it's if you do that there's a 99% likelihood who break up that's pretty crazy when you think about it Paul Carrick Brunson the world's most..."

"PA last time I had you on my show you were a Smash Hit And I look at the episodes and I can see the retention of every conversation I have the retention is essentially how many minutes of the conversa..."

"first party data I know that you I think maybe was it Tinder have shown you some data yeah absolutely last year I became the head of global insights for Tinder and what that has allowed me to do is se..."

"we're going I guess yes yeah let's look back okay so we you know humans 300,000 years ago right started there was no dating it was more so what was called assortative mating which was the selection of..."

"companion and that's the second phase right that that's the second phase is the Romantic phase and then in 1960 what you see happening and this is in Western Society is you see what the pill is create..."

"been everybody thinks they want Choice men and women we all think we want choice but I I'm quite fascinated by the psychology of choice and how it can result in indecision but also valuing what you've..."

"time understanding who we are is because of cognitive dissonance right we believe as human beings we think that we behave as we think we behave but we actually don't like we we don't what we say we va..."

"want our partner to be our best friend our lover our Co CEO our running buddy our therapist our therapist right spiritual leader spiritual leader our Netflix and chill buddy like we we want all of thi..."

"more satisfied so part of the reason why that group is more satisfied than the average is because the average is not satisfied so if you're in that that sort of 80% of unsatisfied people in their rela..."

"make that decision for herself because I've seen scenarios where there's resentment and all of these things and contempt when you move you you it's almost like you take on the responsibility of that p..."

"I thought God yeah yeah yeah but that's what it must have would have been like back in the day when you were talking about phase two of the history of relationships oh oh yeah I mean that that's that'..."

"where you'll thrive on that point as well you said about friends knowing you better than you know yourself and kind of by way of that knowing maybe what you should be going for how important do you th..."

"certain things that we did with this matchmaking agency that I really think were groundbreaking that was one if you can look at what your friends and family and all of the people who love you are sayi..."

"relationship so the key is you want to figure out how you could flourish you know on your own on your own Carol riff is one of the people who I don't think she gets enough attention out here in the re..."

"flourish with or without a partner one of them is personal development are you on the path to personal growth are you doing things to develop yourself right number two do you have inspiration do you h..."

"level of well-being you'll reach self-actualization and to your question this is something that we should be doing with or without a partner and if you could do it without a partner when you enter you..."

"and a lot of this has to do with and you know and I put some of the blame on me you know I think some of this is television you know some of this is is is is the you know a lot of people call it the d..."

"strongest partners for us that's one and then once we have chosen the partner then are we working together to help our partner unveil their best self you know the Michelangelo effect and Eli finle wri..."

"long not only are you not as happy not only are you more unhealthy but but you can literally suffer not just emotional and psychological distress there is a rise of domestic violence that is happening..."

"there's a Twist there's a turn and then there's a happily ever after and the movie ends and and you think when the movie ends in all of these movies that we've watched for 10 20 30 years you think tha..."

"let's reframe it reframe the negative right is this podcast right Incredible One skill you're probably learning incredible skills doing this one of which I'm sure is your active listening is off the c..."

"business apply those to to your platonic relationship so it it's it's it's a wonderful thing and when you are in a secure relationship it's boring as hell it's boring which is why you know uh not to g..."

"anyone in the UK did you see that series they'll say no we didn't see that because it's boring and then you change things and you get couples who can still work but there's tension right for a variety..."

"your thoughts on this yeah I'm I'm I'm with you you know what I like about the conversation today is we're finally acknowled it's it's it's okay to acknowledge that you know men are getting crapped on..."

"men going through those same challenges which creates camaraderie and helps you to uh to to break out of that loneliness so so so we're we're we're on the path uh but we have to acknowledge some of th..."

"in a great place to begin working on the problem but it's a hell of a problem in your book on uh page 72 it says that in the Tinder research you found that one of the main reasons men aren't in relati..."

"such an important point and this is why we have to look back let's look at history why is it the case that the Calvin Klein model or why is it the case that the higher status person gets more interact..."

"Evolution this has been indoctrinated into our into our system and what is rarely talked about is so you know there were millions of men throughout history who were not the Calvin Klein not the bigges..."

"woman who you know I talk about this in the book there's this golden mean golden mean I read this and it was the first time I'd ever heard of this idea of the golden mean but it was super interesting ..."

"could see that ratio tested throughout time and you could see that ratio tested throughout culture which is rare to go to an Eastern collectivist society and see something similar to what's happening ..."

"you go into different subcultures and there might be more of an exaggeration of the golden mean right so maybe it's more than 70% or should I say less than 70% could be what's considered more attracti..."

"from and in the matchmaking Community what I used to do all the time is if I had a client who was you know say a male client and he didn't really represent the the golden mean I'd say put on this this..."

"evolutionary psychology term that is around technically what value do we bring to the mating Marketplace because when you think about uh you know our evolution is that we go on one or two paths in mat..."

"therefore you know and and so high self-esteem is indicative of so many aspects of our life and you could show up get that premium effect if you have high self-esteem I've never heard anyone talk abou..."

"things there you go that's why we need to be in a state of flourishing ourselves before we go out there because because think if if he was able to just take a breather work on his self-esteem there's ..."

"I'm happy then you can walk down the street with anyone and if you encountered in your work as a Matchmaker back in the day someone who was low self-esteem what would you suggest them to do would it w..."

"self-esteem High self-esteem these are some basic ways to help to boost it I I was thinking a lot about this and I said um I said to one of my friends the other day about this idea of keeping commitme..."

"learn to just simply respond which is active listening versus reacting that's a game changer it's this it's this there's this idea of like metacognition which is thinking about your thinking and when ..."

"the return on investment on learning the skills is infinite it's because I'm sure you take that into your business you take that into uh social situations active listening stepping outside of yourself..."

"yeah does it matter so sex ratio is huge the best example of sex ratio is look at what's happening in the Farmland so country areas of China where you had the basically the one child policy where you ..."

"formed and then what happens in the relationship there's some environments that are and there's some professions that are typically dominated by one gender typically for whatever reason in the book yo..."

"said this thing life it goes by fast goes by fast the second thing is they begin recounting the the intimate relationships that they had with all of their with with their loved ones you know they're t..."

"make in life so let's talk about kids and dating them we talked about Boomers a little bit there's this word in your book pronounced hyper gamey yeah hypergamy that's exactly what I said hyam hypergam..."

"whole push back that I think ends up happening is you see people say well there it is right there these women are all opportunists that's what they're looking for they're looking for opportunity and I..."

"reason why I say I believe that gen Z will have the strongest marriages is I also think they'll have the fewest marriages of any generation marriage is without question on the decline without question..."

"your concentration your immunity is now available in the UK for the 91 vitamins and minerals you get from it the adaptogens the daily green probiotics that are within this blend and for the last year ..."

"we get into this some of these key questions which are really things we talked about earlier but like what should I be looking for in a partner and what should I not be looking for in a partner I want..."

"the four categories of attachments in adults yeah all right so uh Mary answorth is really the person that led us to attachment Theory she worked with John Balby but Mary answorth really American Canad..."

"attachment now if the caregiver left and came back and the child was distressed when the caregiver left came back and still a little distressed but okay but I'm not sure are you going to leave again d..."

"because there's been some small tests done in Uganda some small tests done in Japan around attachment and do you know what happened when the care Giver in Japan left the the child and comes back that ..."

"they when the caregiver came back but the reason why I say this is because I think what ends up happening with attachment style and I've I I've seen this in different different concepts that get intro..."

"the illusion Paul we like but it's I think yeah I I relate most to this idea of being the an ious preoccupied one who probably wouldn't care when they came back in the room sorry no I got that wrong y..."

"orgasms in one night stands or casual sex was substantially low if they were uh if they were secure or anxious but if they were avoidant off the charts why is because the avoidance were like oh man I ..."

"environment Marcus Garvey from Jamaica right would always say become the the person who becomes a master of self becomes a master of their environment it always begins with self I've got to dig deeper..."

"like let's not really talk we don't need to talk is it do we need to talk no we don't need to talk about no that's kissing no that's n let's not kiss whereas I I I would willing to bet a secure wants ..."

"topic because I think when you can see your partner through that lens it's no longer oh my God can you believe it he didn't even want to kiss me like he's a he you know he he's he's this he's he's an ..."

"actually I remember it just took flat my head flash back to when I was 18 and I met a guy and one of his fantasies that he was very vocal about was because he he was powerless when he was younger he w..."

"0.046% chance of finding the person there you go how' she how'd she respond it was like that same sound of [ __ ] yeah but I but I think that's important because it go it leads into what we're about t..."

"you still show up as the same person now why is this important because life is filled with ups and downs constantly I would say that the moment I knew my wife was the one that I wanted to marry her wa..."

"a vision for themselves in in life so so that's very important you know next you need someone who is I call it resiliently resourceful very important when times are hard someone who's resiliently reso..."

"Compassion compassionate supportive focus and kindness and empathy that you talk about there's no dating apps that put that front and center I have to make a decision on these dating apps within 0.1 s..."

"tetrad narcissists they exhibit attractive qualities at the beginning of a relationship right because that's characterized by being sort of self assured like on the surface it seems like confidence ye..."

"going to be someone who is not secure and it's going to be someone who has low self-esteem because when you have low self-esteem you're seeking that validation you're seeking their confirmation their ..."

"them how' you spot an Nar nist oh my God I me you know so people talk about love bombing all the time but but but ultimately a narcissist objective is to use you for whatever it is like to use you use..."

"it's insignificant it's nothing but they check those boxes so therefore I'm going to stay and you're going to stay and this is what you're going to get when you stay you're going to live under duress ..."

"relationship is dying like there there's no in between [ __ ] there's no in between but it sounds like it's growing sounds like yours is growing I know it is growing it is growing because do you know ..."

"nothing in nature can grow without continual nourishment of some form so chapter nine my last question okay in chapter nine of your book you talk about John godman's Four Horsemen yes what are the fou..."

"and one of the four he if he sees with 99% accuracy he believes they will break up so what are they one is criticism one is defensiveness a third is stonewalling but here's the biggest and I see this ..."

"it begins with us selecting bad Partners you know it begins with us choosing a partner that we have very little hope of completing the Finish Line with you know what I mean and so we are not on the sa..."

"relationship but it begins before that it begins with us reflecting on us doing the woow woo work and saying am I happy like when I wake up do I wake up with a smile on my face when I go to sleep like..."

"fail Cheryl Samberg 2014 her book uh leanin when she wrote that book it blew me away because she she said who you choose as a partner is the most important career decision you could make then a couple..."

"it as chess you know and I want to think of it less as chess chess is is uh is is exhausting exhausting yeah Checkers is so much easier Paul thank you you've um you've written a unbelievably great boo..."