All Segments
The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck: Mark Manson | E111
58 segments available
This weeks episode entitled 'The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck' topics: 0:00 Intro 02:07 Your early years 18:22 Pickup artistry 22:46 Rejection and self worth in relationships 27:27 Characteristics of a good relationship 34:12 Trying to find purpose 43:55 Why you have to treat people well 47:33 How to figure out what you actually want 54:15 The values that allow you to be fulfilled 01:02:55 Personal responsibility 01:07:43 Is happiness a choice? 01:12:00 Mental health 01:25:30 Finding your new why 01:32:12 The last guests question Mark: https://www.instagram.com/markmanson/ https://twitter.com/iammarkmanson THE DIARY OF A CEO LIVE TICKETS ON SALE NOW 🚀- https://g2ul0.app.link/diaryofaceolive Listen on: Apple podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-diary-of-a-ceo-by-steven-bartlett/id1291423644 Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/7iQXmUT7XGuZSzAMjoNWlX Sponsor: Huel - https://uk.huel.com/
Segments Timeline
The Burden of Success
Mark Manson reflects on his journey from feeling like an outcast to becoming a best-selling author. He discusses the inherent human desire for status and how achieving success can lead to a loss of direction in life. Manson emphasizes that while happiness can be a choice, accessing it is often challenging.
"i always felt like an outcast was bullied my big goal in life was like i want to be a best-selling author and then it happens and it really [ __ ] with me we're wired to want status we're wired to wan..."
From Outcast to Author
In this segment, Mark Manson shares his unconventional path to becoming a successful author. He recounts his experiences as a pickup artist and entrepreneur, leading to his rise as a blogger and author. Manson's self-awareness and insights provide valuable lessons for living a better life.
"it's just a question of do you know how to access it [Music] mark manson the author of one of the best-selling self-development books of the decade the subtle art of not giving a [ __ ] i read this bo..."
Growing Up Different
Mark Manson takes us back to his childhood in Austin, Texas, describing a conventional suburban upbringing that shifted as he became more aware of societal norms. He discusses feeling like an oddball in a conservative environment, where his interests in art and music were not valued, leading to feelings of isolation.
"one of the most wise honest open individuals i've ever met and one of the most remarkable things he says in this conversation was this smash hit book which has sold more than 10 million copies and i k..."
The Struggles of Adolescence
Manson opens up about his adolescence, marked by bullying and a sense of being an outsider. He reflects on the challenges of fitting in during his teenage years, particularly in a conformist culture that did not embrace his individuality. This period shaped his identity and social interactions.
"but if you are then please keep this to yourself [Music] mark take me back to austin texas in the 1980s-ish time when you were born oh god what was life what was life like for you i mean when i was re..."
Parental Dynamics and Emotional Growth
Mark discusses his parents' divorce and the emotional distance in his household. He explains how his parents, despite being good people, struggled with emotional functionality due to their own backgrounds. This lack of emotional support influenced his development and understanding of relationships.
"um so so that was nice i think um where things started to kind of go off the rails so to speak um when you know when you start hitting that age 11 12 13 and you you start your brain develops a little ..."
Lessons from Wealth and Family
Reflecting on his upbringing, Manson contrasts financial stability with emotional dysfunction in his family. He shares how his father's success in business provided material comfort but did not address deeper emotional needs, teaching him early on that money cannot solve all problems.
"uh books i read all the time and you know those values just weren't really respected a whole lot where i where i came from in fact they were viewed as suspects i was going to say on the playground tha..."
The Quest for Acceptance
Mark reveals his struggles with social acceptance during his youth, particularly his desire to be liked and fit in. He discusses how these feelings of rejection influenced his self-worth and social interactions, leading to a desperate need for validation from peers.
"and this was the 90s so of course i wore like band t-shirts and and dressed in all black and like that's all back in now yeah i know right [Music] thank god i finally know what's going on again i'm ol..."
Transformative College Experience
Manson recounts his college experience in Boston, where he found a more accepting environment that celebrated his interests. This shift allowed him to build confidence and develop a vibrant social life, contrasting sharply with his earlier experiences in Texas.
"here i gotta i like i gotta get to one of the coasts were you bullied in school a little bit a little bit um not like to a dramatic extent but um yeah definitely some like shitty experiences for sure ..."
Balancing Academics and Social Life
In this segment, Mark discusses the balance between his academic ambitions and a thriving social life in college. He reflects on prioritizing social experiences over grades, recognizing that finishing college was more important than achieving high marks.
"functional emotionally you know they came from emotionally dysfunctional families so in their head like giving 100 like they're giving 100 but really they're 100 is actually kind of like you know 40 5..."
The Nightmare of Corporate Life
Mark shares his experience in the corporate world, describing his first job in finance as a nightmare. He reflects on the disconnect between his aspirations and the soul-crushing culture of the investment bank, leading to his realization that he did not fit into that environment.
"was mean to me or something you know it's like i could never go to my mom or dad like if i tried to go to my mom or dad and kind of like express these things they just kind of look at me like why are ..."
The Struggle for Creativity in Corporate Culture
In this segment, Manson discusses the challenges he faced in a corporate setting, where his desire for innovation was stifled. He recounts an incident where he proposed automating data entry tasks, only to be dismissed by his boss, highlighting the cultural issues within the company.
"anything to do with school feelings you know so you kind of like you're like left to your own devices and the internet yeah to figure this stuff out which isn't the best source when you're like it's l..."
Lessons from Tim Ferriss
Mark reflects on how reading Tim Ferriss's 'The 4-Hour Workweek' influenced his perspective on work and life. He discusses the allure of the book's promises and how it shaped his understanding of work-life balance, while also recognizing the challenges of implementing such ideas.
"actually because his business really started to take off probably when i was like eight or nine years old and so we went from kind of like a i'd say like uh upper middle class when i was and then sudd..."
The Corporate Culture Shock
Mark Manson shares his early experiences in the corporate world, highlighting the absurdity of being busy for the sake of appearances rather than productivity. He recounts a moment when he proposed automating data entry tasks to his boss, only to be dismissed, revealing a cultural issue where efficiency is undervalued in favor of maintaining a facade of busyness.
"are like finance books too right like i'm like yeah and he's like you can't do that and i was i was like why not he's like you need to be working on something i was like what there's nothing to work o..."
The Illusion of the Four-Hour Work Week
Manson reflects on how Tim Ferriss's 'The Four-Hour Work Week' inspired him to quit his job, only to discover the harsh realities of entrepreneurship. He discusses the initial excitement and subsequent disillusionment with the ease suggested by the book, emphasizing the challenges of building a business online.
"probably trickles up the line yeah yeah and i remember kind of like the so one of one of the books i read at the time was tim ferriss's four-hour work week and uh that book was life-changing for me bu..."
E-Commerce Dreams and Blogging Realities
After quitting his job, Mark attempted to create e-commerce businesses but found more success in blogging. He shares his journey of starting a dating advice blog, which unexpectedly gained traction, leading him to pivot from e-commerce to content creation.
"some e-commerce businesses and try to basically kind of your classic spammy seo blogs with affiliate links and stuff like that and it was it was really like the whole goal was like just get to 2k a mo..."
Diving into Pickup Artistry
Mark discusses his entry into the pickup artistry world, driven by insecurities and a desire for validation. He reflects on how this journey resonated with many men of his generation, revealing the underlying motivations and societal pressures that led them to seek out these communities.
"a year or two i realized i'm like i kind of suck at this e-commerce thing but the blogging is going really well so and this kind of started your your journey into the pickup artistry world right so te..."
The Taboo of Self-Help for Men
Manson explores the stigma surrounding self-help for men in the 2000s, explaining how pickup artistry provided a socially acceptable outlet for personal development. He contrasts this with the shame often associated with traditional self-help, highlighting the cultural shifts that have occurred since.
"into pickup artistry i took to it pretty pretty hard and pretty quickly i think it really scratched that that itch uh that of that insecurity i had you know from my childhood um you know looking back ..."
The Quest for Validation
Mark reflects on the quest for validation through dating and relationships, discussing how societal expectations and personal insecurities drive men to seek out quick fixes. He emphasizes the importance of understanding deeper emotional issues rather than relying solely on external validation.
"still very different back then like it wasn't socially acceptable for men to kind of get into you know feelings and trauma and and healing and recovery and all this stuff like it was still it was stil..."
Lessons from Heartbreak
Manson shares his experience of a painful breakup that shaped his understanding of relationships. He discusses the impact of this heartbreak on his self-worth and how it fueled his interest in pickup artistry as a means to cope with rejection and insecurity.
"taking care of yourself you know hygiene grooming you know and so there's like so much good life advice there and then but there was also so much bad advice there too so it was this very mixed bag but..."
The Disney Understanding of Love
Mark critiques the naive 'Disney' understanding of love that many young people hold. He reflects on how this unrealistic view can lead to unhealthy relationships and the painful realization that love alone is not enough to sustain a partnership.
"you're trying to figure out how to get laid it feels like this this this quest in which no one has ever provided you with the blueprint or the road map and then someone whispers in your ear at some po..."
Navigating Relationship Pain
Manson discusses the complexities of navigating relationship pain and the lessons learned from failed partnerships. He emphasizes the importance of understanding what constitutes a healthy relationship and the need for personal growth before entering new ones.
"cheating on me and leaving me for another guy and so that was part of you know it was my first serious girlfriend first love and and it ended basically as badly as a relationship can end so i was hear..."
Building Healthy Relationships
Mark outlines the fundamental characteristics of healthy relationships, stressing the importance of self-respect and personal boundaries. He explains how a strong relationship with oneself is crucial for fostering trust and vulnerability with a partner.
"happened to me today i would i would handle it fine i mean i'd be upset obviously and hurt but i would handle it fine i i agree with you you know for me when i look back my understanding of relationsh..."
The Cycle of Toxic Relationships
Manson highlights the vicious cycle many individuals face when seeking relationships to fill emotional voids. He discusses how this cycle can lead to repeated toxic experiences, further damaging self-esteem and hindering personal growth.
"as well is just trying to like pick up the pieces and figure out like wait you know how what is love what is a relationship how are you supposed to be towards each other i have no clue but you have a ..."
The Importance of Openness in Relationships
Mark Manson emphasizes the necessity of being completely open in relationships. He discusses how hiding personal issues can prevent trust and respect from developing. By sharing vulnerabilities, partners can work on their issues together, fostering a healthier relationship dynamic.
"hiding all the ugly stuff they're like oh well if she doesn't know that like i did this or if if i really like kind of think that you know then she'll love me it's like no you have to come to the rela..."
The Vicious Cycle of Toxic Relationships
Manson describes the negative reinforcing cycle many people experience when seeking relationships to fill emotional voids. He illustrates how entering relationships without being ready can lead to toxic dynamics, further damaging self-esteem and perpetuating a cycle of rejection.
"so what you said at the start the first point i i've i mean both points were perfect but the first point really it made me think about a million people i know that are in the mindset that if they can ..."
The Upward Spiral of Self-Improvement
In this segment, Manson contrasts the downward spiral of unhealthy relationships with the upward spiral that occurs when both partners are committed to self-improvement. He highlights how mutual growth and communication can enhance confidence and relationship satisfaction.
"someone work on yourself yeah it feels it's like well known it's the equivalent of like telling people who want to get a six-pack to like eat vegetables it's correct but it's the last thing anybody wa..."
Recognizing the Difference Between Happiness and Highs
Mark Manson discusses the distinction between fleeting highs and true happiness. He explains how societal pressures can lead individuals to chase temporary pleasures, such as partying or material success, rather than pursuing deeper, more fulfilling experiences.
"spiral as well like one way i told a friend a couple years ago because he was kind of having trouble he was like you know i just like you know our emotions blind us right so it's like getting in that ..."
The Dangers of Chasing Highs
Manson elaborates on the dangers of focusing on highs, such as travel and material possessions, which can lead to diminishing returns. He stresses the importance of recognizing what truly brings satisfaction and the sacrifices made in pursuit of superficial pleasures.
"is immediately being matched by the other person and so it's like you no longer you no longer feel like you're just fighting constantly to like keep things stable and you'll pick a partisan phase wher..."
Rethinking Values and Happiness
In this reflective segment, Manson shares his journey of re-evaluating his values after realizing that chasing highs left him feeling empty. He emphasizes the need to live out values and learn from experiences to truly understand what brings happiness.
"you know winning an award or an accolade or going to like some exotic vacation putting on instagram getting a ton of likes like that's a high and highs are nice like we all we all love having highs an..."
The Cost of Material Success
Manson discusses the pitfalls of material success, sharing personal anecdotes about the loneliness that can accompany wealth and status. He highlights the importance of community and relationships over superficial achievements.
"you know like you're complaining about the taxi driver like you know because it's you need that much more to get that same hit um and so it becomes a very dangerous thing to to kind of put all of your..."
Learning Through Experience
Mark Manson emphasizes that true understanding of values comes from lived experiences. He shares how personal failures in relationships and material pursuits led him to a deeper comprehension of what truly matters in life.
"[ __ ] lamborghini well i think a lot of it is you know i think a lot of value like changing your values and again i think i say this in subtle art like you can't just sit on the couch and think your ..."
The Illusion of Status and Ego
In this segment, Manson reflects on the illusion of status and ego, recounting stories of personal experiences that illustrate how chasing status can lead to dissatisfaction. He encourages listeners to focus on meaningful connections rather than societal expectations.
"so you're so right in what you said earlier as well but linked to that point is like i remember buying the big house like seven bedroom house with a tennis court yeah out in the countryside the cost w..."
The Philosophy of Treating Others as Ends
Manson introduces a philosophical perspective on relationships, discussing the importance of treating others as ends in themselves rather than means to an end. He explains how this principle can lead to healthier, more ethical interactions.
"taxes so that's a bad combination damn you you really have you know and it's i always think this because i've read a lot of quotes and i've read a book and stuff and i always say in my writing like my..."
Treating People as Ends
Manson introduces a philosophical principle from Kant, emphasizing the importance of treating individuals as ends in themselves rather than means to an end. He explains how unethical behavior stems from valuing external gains over personal relationships. This segment underscores the significance of ethical interactions and personal development, advocating for a mindset that prioritizes the well-being of others.
"your one rule for life is each person must never be treated only as a means to some other end but must also be treated as an end to themselves yeah please tell me what that means it's a little it's a ..."
Finding Your True Desires
In this segment, Manson explores the challenge of discerning genuine desires from societal pressures, particularly in a culture driven by comparison. He reflects on personal experiences and the necessity of facing failures to understand what one truly wants in life. Manson encourages listeners to question their motivations and seek deeper fulfillment beyond superficial aspirations.
"short term you might sell the car yeah but in the long term your reputational damage and your general sense of feeling inside and yeah which which you see all the time in in internet businesses right ..."
The Shift from Pickup Artist to Personal Development
Manson shares his journey from being a pickup artist to recognizing the deeper emotional needs of his clients. He reflects on the realization that many individuals require therapeutic support rather than just dating advice. This pivot led him to focus on writing about personal development and emotional health, emphasizing the importance of self-esteem and vulnerability.
"he'll be ready to ask that question of like why do i want to do that like why am i really doing this it's almost a question you have to earn in a lot of ways interesting you know and i feel like a lot..."
Core Values for Fulfillment
Mark Manson discusses the fundamental values that contribute to a fulfilling life, such as honesty, generosity, and community. He highlights the joy of giving and the importance of strong relationships, contrasting these with the fleeting satisfaction of material possessions. This segment encourages listeners to cultivate meaningful connections and prioritize values that lead to long-term happiness.
"but after a year or two i realized like what these guys really need is a therapist [Music] you know it's it's their problem you know they're good guys like they're they're smart they're they're like t..."
The Power of Honesty
Manson emphasizes the critical role of honesty in being true to oneself. He discusses how self-deception can hinder personal growth and fulfillment. This segment offers insights into maintaining authenticity in a demanding world, providing tips for defending one's true self amidst external pressures and expectations.
"hadn't done the dating coach stuff if i hadn't kind of been obsessed with the like yeah let's go to the club and like try to get laid like you that's the entry point right and then you find the deeper..."
The Art of Saying No
Mark Manson elaborates on the importance of learning to say no gracefully in both personal and business contexts. He shares his strategies for declining requests while maintaining respect and integrity, including creating personal rules that guide his decisions.
"want to build my instagram following like really why you know and try on different answers like always try on the answer you don't want to hear and see how it feels see if it feels true or not kind of..."
Understanding Personal Responsibility
Manson delves into the concept of personal responsibility, arguing that it is essential for personal growth and improvement. He explains how rejecting responsibility can disempower individuals and discusses the difference between responsibility and fault.
"in the business context actually in the personal context as well i what i've kind of found to be like the easiest way to do it is i kind of create rules for myself uh and i don't know what it is but w..."
The Challenge of Accepting Responsibility
In this segment, Manson explores why some people resist the idea of personal responsibility. He discusses how past traumas can create a fear of accepting responsibility and how this can hinder personal development and relationships.
"have emailed sooner he wants to do it but the principal said yeah but it's but it's true it's like i'm not lying it's just i create a rule for myself you know another thing another rule uh and it was ..."
The Power of Choice
Manson emphasizes the significance of choice in shaping one's life. He illustrates how every moment presents an opportunity to choose one's perspective and actions, reinforcing the idea that individuals hold the power to influence their circumstances.
"everything and in our society for whatever reason people don't like that some people yeah really don't like that idea of personal responsibility that you might be more so than you believe responsible ..."
The Burden of Expectations
Mark Manson discusses how expectations can lead to disappointment and anxiety. He introduces the equation 'happiness equals reality minus expectations' and suggests that managing expectations is crucial for maintaining mental well-being.
"influence so if you if you just reject the idea that you're responsible for an area of your life like if it's like i'm not responsible for my shitty relationships it's all their fault you're basically..."
Navigating Anxiety
In this segment, Manson shares his insights on managing anxiety, particularly in high-pressure situations. He discusses the importance of reframing expectations to alleviate anxiety and maintain a balanced perspective.
"so i think particularly people who have had a lot of bad things happen in their life and and those things are not their fault it's very very difficult for them to to accept responsibility because well..."
Happiness as a Choice
Manson reflects on the idea that happiness is a choice, emphasizing that individuals can choose how to perceive their circumstances. He acknowledges the complexity of this concept while affirming that the power to access happiness lies within everyone.
"we all have to kind of go through that struggle it's really interesting it's a yeah it's something that i see a lot in in our in our culture at the moment specifically with young people because i thin..."
Finding Balance in Expectations
Mark Manson discusses the delicate balance between having high and low expectations. He advocates for a mindful approach to expectations, suggesting that letting go of rigid expectations can lead to greater peace and satisfaction.
"like this is what it what it was trying to say but it kind of got distorted and turned into this weird delusional thing but it's basically like you know in every single moment you are choosing how to ..."
The Reality of Anxiety
In this closing segment, Manson candidly shares his personal experiences with anxiety. He acknowledges that while anxiety is a common human experience, it can be managed through awareness and acceptance of one's feelings.
"double-edged sword because if you have like tiny expectations for yourself then you're not going to try to do anything so like there there's this weird balance where i mean i i prefer kind of like mor..."
The Rise of Mental Health Issues
Manson explores the increasing prevalence of mental health issues in modern society, attributing it to the overwhelming stimulation of contemporary life. He discusses how the comfort of modern living can lead to existential crises, particularly among younger generations who face difficult questions about purpose and identity. This segment delves into the paradox of comfort versus meaning.
"managed right do you suffer with anxiety uh yeah for sure and how long have you suffered with it for i mean sounds forever i mean i am human yeah so there's it's kind of like a i see it well i see it ..."
The Burden of Comfort and Purpose
In this segment, Manson reflects on how the affluence of modern society has led to a crisis of purpose. He contrasts the survival-driven mindset of the past with today's existential questions about meaning and identity. Manson argues that the privilege of asking 'why' can be overwhelming for young people, leading to feelings of aimlessness and confusion.
"probably increasing um you talk about how a lack of something to strive for is at the root cause of a lot of this and how as life has got more comfortable um we've got into trouble yeah there's you kn..."
Navigating Success and Identity
Mark Manson shares his personal experience of feeling lost after achieving success with his book 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.' He discusses the emotional turmoil that can accompany sudden success and the challenge of redefining one's identity in the face of newfound comfort and wealth. This segment highlights the psychological impact of success and the search for a new purpose.
"of our affluence and comfort mm-hmm makes perfect sense to me just in my own life i think one of the most um dis i've talked about this before one of the most destabilizing disorientating moments of m..."
Finding a New 'Why'
Manson emphasizes the importance of finding a new 'why' after achieving success. He discusses the need to let go of previous identities and the value of saying no to opportunities that do not align with one's current goals. This segment focuses on the journey of self-discovery and the necessity of reassessing one's motivations in a changing landscape.
"to like when you're coming up it's it's very exciting and it's very it's very easy to know what you're gunning for like you've got the north star yeah orientation and you've got nothing to lose right ..."
The Hustle Culture Dilemma
In this closing segment, Manson critiques the hustle culture that equates worth with constant productivity. He reflects on the societal pressure to always be striving and the importance of recognizing the value of rest and reflection. This discussion challenges the notion that one's value is tied to their work and encourages a more balanced approach to life.
"know i'm tired i'm like i'm exhausted like i don't have to say yes i don't need the money like you could start saying no to this stuff um you know that it took a while for that to sink in and then and..."
Finding the Off Switch
Mark discusses the importance of learning to take breaks and the value of stepping back from work. He shares how taking time off has been rejuvenating and allowed him to reassess his identity and future goals.
"climbing and working or yeah for some reason that feels like it's connected to our sense of worth right in society if we're we're not working we're not striving yeah i i think so the kind of that that..."
Evolving Your 'Why'
Manson emphasizes that one's purpose or 'why' is not static but evolves over time. He reflects on how his motivations have changed throughout his life and the excitement that comes with exploring new possibilities.
"to me it's it's i i finally hit a point about midway through this year that i had no major project like the wheel book was done i just did a documentary in new zealand like that like all the shooting ..."
Confidence in Creativity
Mark shares how gaining confidence in his career has shifted his perspective on creativity. He discusses the freedom he feels now to explore new projects without the fear of losing his previous success.
"think this is like a really important point that doesn't get talked about enough is that like you're wha like there's not this this predetermined why out there that just exists forever like your why i..."
The Shift from Fear to Excitement
Manson reflects on his journey from fearing the loss of success to embracing the excitement of new opportunities. He discusses how confidence in his abilities has transformed his approach to future projects.
"play like i can just screw around like i can spend a week just like screwing around with crypto and like nobody could tell me not to like it's it's and it's like is this a thing i don't know maybe it ..."
Embracing Freedom in Creativity
Mark talks about the newfound freedom he experiences in his creative endeavors. He expresses excitement about exploring various projects without the pressure of needing to achieve immediate success.
"that i can do it again you know it's i think one of my deep-seated fears when subtle art blew up was like this is a fluke i got lucky so as a result of that so much of my motivation was like don't los..."
The Value of Struggle
In closing, Manson discusses the importance of struggle in personal development and how it shapes our understanding of meaning. He reflects on the impact of his work and the narratives he shares through his books.
"i like there are a lot of great opportunities that could happen in front of me and so now it now it's it's actually just excitement um yeah so we just have a tradition the previous guest leaves a ques..."