"People really care about what's making them disliked. And they really want to know how to be liked. >> Okay. So, first, this is an exercise that I do in my class at Harvard called 10 questions to fall..."

">> Professor Allison Wood Brooks. What is it that you do and why do you think it matters so much to the world? >> I am a professor at Harvard and I'm a behavioral scientist. I study how people talk to..."

"As you were saying that, I was thinking, do you think there's a lot of people that are going through life giving off the wrong impression because they don't know how to talk? Maybe they are disliked. ..."

">> No, I think I do. I think I [laughter] do because I, you know, this I was thinking about this last this last week and all the conversations I've had, the different types of conversations. I had one..."

">> How has being an identical twin been formative in this regard? M. So, my twin's name is Sarah. Um, being an identical twin, I'm there are many things that are similar to being a close sibling, I'm ..."

">> So much. and give me a flavor of the the >> Too much probably. I uh it's almost like I'm a recovering academic. I've been working in academia doing behavioral science research for 20 years. I know ..."

">> and this negotiation study you did what was the mechanism for that >> yeah that was a more class so the the literature. People have been studying negotiations for decades now. And there's a really ..."

"boss for a pay rise, for example, and I and I'm very very nervous, I'm much more likely to um lower my expectations, accept a bad offer, and leave the situation prematurely. >> Absolutely. >> So, what..."

"with my girlfriend where I just wanted her to know that I accept the fact that I [ __ ] up. Like I I I accept the fact that I should have been more present in a particular moment and I wasn't. And I j..."

">> Yeah. >> Gotcha. >> Do you have a sense of where your goals from that conversation that you described would be? >> Apologize. >> Which is high relational and not very high on informational cuz I di..."

">> What is that skill set? >> There's a fabulous research on this. I have found it incredibly helpful in my life um research by Julia Mincson, Mike Yman's, Hannah Collins called receptiveness. So it's..."

"learned this um [clears throat] because I employed this person once and this person when we'd talk about ideas the first word out of their mouth was always I disagree and then they'd make their point...."

">> One of the things we notice when we have conversations on this show about uh about conversation >> is people really care about likability. >> Yes. >> Like they they really want to know what's makin..."

">> Okay, it's the best in the world ever. I >> thank you, Stephen. Okay, thank you. >> Um, thank you for recognizing. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Okay. T is for topics. >> Topics. >> Topics. Topics are the buil..."

"about. >> Did you do that today? >> Always. >> Sometimes you don't have to, right? Like you did it today. You did extensive prep. Um, you even have things printed on cards here. >> And in a [clears th..."

"worlds?" Okay. So, if I wanted people to like me, one out of 10. Yeah. What What would you do? You tell me. You tell me. You're the expert. [laughter] >> I want to hear your I want to hear your guesse..."

"built? Deep ones >> for sure. >> At the top >> moments at the top probably, right? This is where vulnerability takes you. Um, often asking lots of questions, especially follow-up questions, gets you u..."

"questions. >> So what? Give me an example of asking a great follow-up question. >> We're on a date. It's uh there's food. It's going really well. I've just shared with you that I went on an amazing wa..."

"which I've had to have a conversations about historically, is when someone will be talking and then someone's listening going "Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah." And I know I'm like, "Oh my god, they've got s..."

"particular example I'm thinking about, I started to get negative feedback from people that worked with this person. And I noticed one day the negative feedback was, I don't think they're even listenin..."

"having huge budgets, warehouses, office space, and lots and lots of stuff. But now, you can start a business with your laptop, an idea, and the right tools. And I would know more so than anybody else ..."

"Are there anything else that you know we talked about death by a thousand cuts as it relates to being a 10 out of 10 conversationalist and like li like li like li like li like li like li like li like ..."

">> And the L >> L. Shall we put them in the correct order? Yeah. V A L K. >> L is for levity. So, we've talked a bit about difficult conversations and how they can so easily get overheated. When you t..."

"stuff real? >> It's a great question. People have preferences about what makes them feel connected to other people. Some people would love to go to that party with a hundred famous people. Tell me abo..."

">> I feel attacked. [laughter] >> No, but I I you know, that's interesting because is it true that some people who overtalk are less respected? Can you overt talk? I I had this um this thought many ye..."

"place in LA. What she discovered is that most available options have the same issue. They're reactive and only take action after someone has broken into your house. Simply Safe, who sponsors this show..."

"what are these here? >> Yeah, let's find out. >> This list of questions here. >> Oh, this is an exercise that I do. This is based on a very well-known exercise called 36 questions to fall in love. >> ..."

">> What about persuasion? Have you got any any useful actionable advice for me on how to be a better salesperson? And when I say salesperson, I don't mean I'm trying to sell someone a car. I mean tryi..."

">> Like the the mistakes I made in maybe past relationships were when I didn't validate, it was kind of like a broken record. the person continue to make the same point because they didn't feel heard ..."

">> Can you imagine? >> No. >> It's quite hard. Yeah, >> it's the sort of topline thing you notice is that it's so much it's just a crazy amount of communication that's happening in our lives now when ..."

"students do office hours with an AI version of me. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> You preferred it. >> Well, that's a risky [laughter] experiment. That's a risky >> the reason I actually think she is better tha..."

"the front of your book talk, it says, "The science of conversation and the art of being ourselves. Do you think we should show up to work as our authentic selves?" >> There's a great phrase, what a gr..."

">> And how do you do that? I'm sure there's loads of parents screaming right now like, "How do I h how do I set my kid up so that they can talk well?" >> Yeah. >> Communicate well. >> I think it's wha..."