"so contempt is criticism on steroids this is what John gottman calls sulfuric acid for love nothing will erode a relationship quicker than contempt contempt is when you are looking at your partner fro..."

"predictor of a split the following is a conversation with Shannon Curry a clinical and forensic psychologist who conducts research therapy and psychological evaluations pertaining to trauma violence a..."

"the Lex Friedman podcast to support it please check out our sponsors in the description and now dear friends here's Shannon Curry Charles Bukowski said that love is a fog that burns away with the firs..."

"can't go on like that you will die if you are using these kinds of chemicals all the time all day long so eventually our bodies are sort of made to dial it down we've made it I mean we're evolutionary..."

"the reality is we know based on the re and and I'm also talking about certain Western civilizations here because as you know there are arranged marriages and a lot of times those marriages if we're lo..."

"don't think that feeling could be a foundation for a 50-year relationship well I don't think that specific feeling you're having based on drugs is going to be the same feeling you have 20 30 40 years ..."

"you are sobbing on the floor and tell you we're going to get through it together who's going to know the names of your kids special ed teacher and the process for getting a 504 plan or is it going to ..."

"that was something I think one of the reasons I got into studying relationships was because I wanted that right so I'm a scientist but I also love art and I love writing and I love literature I wanted..."

"relationship you can build you are not just settling for companionship but you can have passion and intimacy and growing love and appreciation but there is a blueprint a set of skills that we were nev..."

"so what's the five to one Golden Rule what I read is there's the kind of balance you can achieve of uh how many interactions you have in a relationships that are positive versus negative and I think t..."

"are happier they have better health Etc they are having approximately five positive interactions to each negative and I want to be clear about what I'm defining as positive and negative here so this d..."

"show your partner tell your partner something and have them be proud of you it could be wanting to go buy groceries with your partner doing things together hey you want to come with me it could be tel..."

"husband may not matter to you for instance I mean Ty's bar is so low with me I thank God what defines the positive interaction right like he just wants me once become if if he wants a water when I get..."

"Stonewall I also am someone who stonewalls but it's where you just sort of Disconnect from the conversation you shut down you turn away you can physically even turn away kind of arms cross but you're ..."

"contempt all right so contempt is criticism on steroids this is what John gottman calls sulfuric acid for love nothing will erode a relationship quicker than contempt contempt is when you are looking ..."

"change you start to notice beautiful things and then let uh the things that annoy you yes like just you're exactly right you're touching on some really important things so in relationships we actually..."

"almost become I mean our lives intertwine and we grow those oak trees so she by the way this is a line I read somewhere that uh when you're wearing rose-colored glasses all the Red Flags looks just li..."

"question but uh in the in the couples you've worked with is there like the feminine and the masculine is there different dynamics that come into play like dominant submissive is there is it like a dan..."

"relationship but what we do know is that gay couples so lesbians and gay men tend to be gentler with one another when they are having conflict discussions I so that's actually been identified in the r..."

"couples do all the time you just see this humility and openness it's lovely yeah it's lovely but I wonder if uh maybe watching too many Hollywood films is some of the drama some of the tension is requ..."

"fondest but unrealized life dream and see if your partner knows you might not even know they might know you better than you know yourself that in and of itself is a beautiful reminder of the relations..."

"exactly like like what what's your favorite movie from the 80s you might not know the answer to that it's like those first date questions or whatever or what's your favorite movie this year and why an..."

"take a wrong step and you can be back in a tough place in your relationship or you treat it with care and it can be amazing so they're careful with one another they give each other compliments they ar..."

"person I've ever seen in my life most I can't you know you just appreciate every war that comes out of them and look at them in that way you actually begin to believe it yeah and you actually begin to..."

"intervention where you kind of look at the underlying belief systems values and there's the goal is not to solve that problem the goal in that situation is to actually just get a better understanding ..."

"mom was always accusing me of doing things I wasn't doing and it would set me up and my dad would come home he'd hear about it he would just believe her and then you have like a partner climbing up on..."

"feel so unloved what are you uh the early days of that what do you think about the whole dating modern dating process how do you find a partner that you can um stay with for the rest of your life so w..."

"tashiro starts talking about his research and how he found that most people are you know signing this agreement getting married and doing it based on the love endorphins and really only about 35 perce..."

"okay and I love the word conscientiousness because it's not just kindness kindness is a good way to think of it but you can be kind and kind of be a pushover and that's not attractive conscientiousnes..."

"conscientiousness and it is true I mean I will tell you as somebody who's with a conscientious partner Your Love increases over time as you continue to feel grateful and admiring of that person the se..."

"really hard on other family members including children if you have children so it's just a predictor of Happiness so there's a certain threshold of chaos that if you exceed it it's going to be destruc..."

"third is um really interesting I think so he found that having a partner with sort of moderate adventurousness not high adventurousness actually leads to greater greater satisfaction and the reason fo..."

"thing ultimately what you're getting with low to moderate adventurousness is that rock that feeling of stability that home and I made some references earlier like when you're 70 and you turn to your p..."

"wonder if those things those those three things that something you can work on you know Consciousness you can probably you can proactively observe yourself and you know do it more regularly right neur..."

"now in my 40s than I was when I was younger but in that same way for me I like to connect myself to high adventure people so that it like brings me brings me out it's like uh they're a horse and I'm g..."

"there are but it really has more to do it's sort of like remember I was talking about processing conflict and what matters is do people feel like it's been resolved do they feel like there's been a re..."

"then also is honesty harmful or helpful at certain points too yeah I.E so you're talking about sort of like disclosing prior sexual history I thought you were going to go to so if you've had an affair..."

"discomfort thank you for saying that because I I totally agree but it's it's like logically it's doesn't quite make sense to give that advice but psychologically makes complete sense because you reall..."

"and I think there's sort of a cleansing we do when we share that information I think in real life most people disclose it because they can't stand the secret anymore themselves that to me is a selfish..."

"and then you're like oh yeah like should I sit my dad down right now and be like Dad your dementia like you have dementia again today I'm going to tell you Dad you're not making sense no we're good it..."

"from the values that they've been taught since they were kids um and so jealousy arises a lot and uh and also I it's very difficult to be I think as truthful and direct as you need to be which you're ..."

"um this was different I I anxiety isn't usually my brand um and I just skipped anxiety that Maureen went straight to Terror and he was mad I was mad at the legal it was funny like I was having all the..."

"but um once you're sitting there for a little bit and you're asked the questions you can kind of go into a routine of just wanting to talk about your work so what is the work the job of a forensic psy..."

"what your findings were but from my perspective just watching you seem to have held it together really well so what do you attribute that to so you said like it calmed down after you were able to ask ..."

"has some basic skills as code types and just reading through the different complex it's the thing of beauty because the human mind is really complicated even you know depression schizophrenia uh bipol..."

"illness you just get a comparison group and then a group who's using that specific strategy or has that specific mental illness or has that personality trait um and you just look for patterns and ther..."

"just tells you that you're not responding in a way that is uh dishonest and that you are uh kind not hugely problematic but there's you know it's not looking for strength so you have these 10 clinical..."

"there are a lot of questions pretty interesting it is I was I wanted to see which one I would I have given it to some people in my life it's just phenomenal how hard is it on your side of the table to..."

"more in uh trying to figure out like how to improve your lifestyle improve your relationships all that kind of stuff so the the results of the test with um would then be heard if you can speak to the ..."

"um I don't love the title histrionic personality disorder I think its history is um it's pretty controversial and there's some misogyny in it but that all being said as a servant to the court and some..."

"same time so speaking about borderline personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder borderline personality disorder can best be thought of as a disorder of instability and impulsiveness em..."

"to the person and to others to the person themselves so the fear of Abandonment can result in the very thing you're afraid of right and and I there has been some research also to suggest that there th..."

"and so there's some new research also coming out that's even suggested that among women those that score higher in some of these more calculated traits of the disorder may actually be it may be a cert..."

"um I certainly think that in most cases and here's just me speaking personally again I think in my own work in most cases what I see is that somebody may have some sort of predisposition then they go ..."

"interesting the act of recording your partner yeah and not not the ethics of that or so on but the fact that you have this data made me wonder like if I recorded myself how would I sound like when you..."

"externalizing blame and then I also went into the the mmpi2 list three six includes anxiety tension rigidity fear of criticism suppress hostility merging and passive or episodic aggression suspiciousn..."

"Financial functioning physical functioning academic functioning basically where is there evidence that something in their life changed um where is there evidence that harm occurred other than from wha..."

"okay so given how huge this trial was given how eloquent you were you were I know you don't think of it that way but from a public perspective you were like the star because of how well you've been it..."

"wow uh I mean a lot happened in my life around that trial leading up to the trial after the trial um so let's tackle forensic psychologists first sure okay so in terms of forensic psychology um I am g..."

"so now personally um I've learned some things I've learned that I need to slow down a little bit so this took a lot from you it took a lot but it was really the culmination I feel like there are these..."

"I don't just do forensic psychology all day I also have own a clinic I provide therapy I've been providing therapy for 15 years so what happens is you have clients who maybe you've stopped seeing but ..."

"he started having his cognitive decline I got a medical diagnosis that is stress induced um I really thought I was getting away with it I I really believed that people who talk like a lot about self-c..."

"lost your mind quite yet maybe yeah maybe unless I mean it depends who you ask what about the stress of just being in the public eye has that been difficult for you that's a lovely question thank you ..."

"about that too at the moment I came to almost like came back to my body and realized where I was and just wanted it to stop and felt like I was burning alive I just was thinking I don't want to do thi..."

"PTSD significantly impairs people's lives how do veterans how do soldiers who suffer from PTSD or close to that kind of diagnosis begin to heal what's the path for healing well I will hand it to the m..."

"problem is that they Outsource to this third party company they're paying really low rates for a one hour meeting with a vet and you don't need to be specifically trained in assessing PTSD um and so y..."

"if you can speak to why do you think that is on the opposite side of PTSD there's a there's a deep human connection there's like a love for each other what is that what what is that about war and comb..."

"numb um that they want to kill someone that they have a whole lot of racist beliefs and thoughts um there are a lot of things that can be associated with PTSD that aren't as clear or expected and thes..."

"um and are just looking young people that are looking to find what they want to do with their life career-wise or I love that question what would you tell them I'm gonna tell them something my dad tol..."