0:00
I think if people are like, I want to accomplish this goal, the very next question is why?
Search this video
0:03
And then go why, why, why, why, why.
0:06
If your why is so strong, how it's going to be done, it doesn't matter. You'll figure out.
0:11
You've got a book out called Level Up.
0:13
Rob Dial from the Mindset Mentor Podcast.
0:15
Not everything that's happened to you in your life is your fault, but whatever it is that you have, it is your responsibility to work through.
0:20
If I'm going to feel the feelings of fear, why don't I also just try feeling the feelings of success and getting there?
0:30
Hey everyone, I've got some huge news to share with you. In the last 90 days, 79.
0:35
4% of our audience came from viewers and listeners that are not subscribed to this channel.
0:41
There's research that shows that if you want to create a habit, make it easy to access.
0:45
By hitting the subscribe button, you're creating a habit of learning how to be happier, healthier, and more healed.
0:55
This would also mean the absolute world to me and help us make better, bigger, brighter content for you and the world. Subscribe right now.
1:03
The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty.
1:08
The one, the only Jay Shetty.
1:13
Why is it that we all want something?
1:13
We have goals, we have things that we believe are important, but we struggle to focus on them?
1:23
Yeah, well, there's there's a couple different things.
1:25
I think the first thing is that we hold ourselves back from is we have a lot of fears.
1:27
And fears, when you really start to dive into them, like you you mentioned in the beginning of this, like I started talking with you about like the East and and you started I remember you told me in 2017 like you should read the Bhagavad Gita.
1:39
So I literally wrote it I got it like the next week and read it while we were traveling. And so there was that.
1:44
And and as I was writing the book, I was like, what's the thing?
1:45
Cuz the original title of the book was the psychology of taking action.
1:48
Cuz I was looking at the Mindset Mentor Podcast, I had 1,400 episodes, and I was like, it's just me speaking for almost every single one of them.
1:56
And I was like, "What do I teach?
1:58
Like, what do What do people want from me?"
2:00
And I was like, "It's almost all like tips and tricks to understand yourself to take action."
2:04
Because everybody who's listening to a podcast has the awareness of I want to improve. I want to get better.
2:09
I want something different. But, how do I do it?
2:10
And then so I I started saying, "Okay, if if taking action is what the book's going to be about, like, why don't people take action in the first place?"
2:17
And one of the things that that pops up for people is fear.
2:20
Like, they're just there's some sort of fear that pops up for them.
2:22
And I had a conversation with one of my friends who went and lived in the tribe with a a tribe in native Brazilian tribe in the middle of Brazil.
2:29
And so, he had to fly into a town.
2:31
He had to hop on a boat and go for 2 days on a boat in the middle of nowhere.
2:34
And he started talking to me about these things that he called primal fears and intellectual fears.
2:38
So, like, a primal fear is is pain or death is attached to it.
2:40
And we don't really come up with too many primal fears in our life nowadays.
2:46
Intellectual fear is like what we deal with all day long, which is you know, the the the fear of rejection, the fear of failure, the fear of uh not being accepted, the fear of success.
2:54
We all have these fears, and and all of these fears are made up in our minds.
3:00
And so, I was listening to I'm pretty sure it was Sadhguru I was listening to.
3:03
And I was like I I put on and I was driving around in Sedona as I was writing the book.
3:07
I was there just to try to get my whole mind together.
3:08
I was by myself writing it.
3:10
And I was like looking at fears and trying to figure them out.
3:13
And one thing that he said that like really hit me more than anything else is okay, I've identified my fears.
3:19
And the next thing is, well, how do I overcome these fears?
3:22
And if it's an intellectual fear, the the fears that exist in our minds, is you can't overcome something that doesn't exist.
3:30
And so, we create We basically wake up with the boogeyman.
3:32
We wake up in the morning, we create the boogeyman, which is like uh the fear of success, the fear of failure, whatever it is.
3:37
And instead of actually taking the action that we need to and focusing on what it is that we want, we take all of our focus and put it towards trying to overcome this fear.
3:44
When in reality, the fear doesn't even exist in the first place.
3:46
And so, I think the biggest thing for most people is like the fear is keeping you from from focusing.
3:53
Um, but there's also like the identity of who you think you are.
3:54
And one of my favorite things is challenging who I think I am all the time.
4:00
Like I love the story and I put in the book of Jim Carrey when he decided to be uh in Man on the Moon.
4:06
Then uh there was a the Man on the Moon is a movie where he ended up playing uh Andy Kaufman.
4:11
And there was a whole documentary that was done on this and they curbed it for like 20 years cuz it was so off the rails of how crazy he went and the and what he did was he it's a documentary called Jim and Andy that's on him playing the role on Man on the Moon.
4:26
So Andy Kaufman was a guy who was once alive.
4:28
And the crazy part of about Andy Kaufman is he also played other characters.
4:32
So it was Jim Carrey playing Andy Kaufman who played like Tony Clifton and other characters.
4:38
But the thing that happened with him was that he would never break character.
4:40
So he was a method actor.
4:42
So for 4 months he played as this real-life person.
4:48
And even to the point where his driver that would pick him up in Hollywood and drive him to his house said that whoever he was playing at the time that they stopped recording whether it was Andy Kaufman, Tony Clifton, he would play that person the entire day when he when he was driving him home, that night, and he'd pick him up and he was still the same person. Not Jim Carrey anymore.
5:06
And so what happened was he he ended up like and it gets kind of crazy where he ends up doing therapy sessions with Andy Kaufman's real daughter and his family.
5:15
So like help them overcome his sudden death.
5:17
And so what happens is they stopped recording 4 months later and he's like, "I don't know who I am." And he lost who he was.
5:25
And he's like, "I don't know my beliefs, I don't know what makes me happy, what makes me sad, what pisses me off anymore."
5:29
He's like, "I've kind of just lost who Jim Carrey is."
5:31
And that's kind of like his spiritual awakening that you've seen him go through over the past 20 years and he realized "If I can lose Jim Carrey, then who the hell is Jim Carrey?"
5:41
And he realized that Jim Carrey is just basically a character that he's playing all the time that is completely somebody else and he could just wake up another morning and act like he's somebody else.
5:50
And so I think that two of the things that really keep us from focusing on stuff is we get really afraid and fearful of making change or judgment or failure and all that.
5:59
And the other thing is like who we actually truly think we are um will hold us back from taking either the action that we need to or you know, staying in the exact same position that we're in. I love that.
6:07
I want to go down both of those routes because I find them both fascinating for different reasons and I want to go down that more spiritual ethereal journey as well because yeah.
6:16
But but before we do that, I want to make sure that so if we talk about the fears that people are experiencing, as you said, a lot of the time it's an intellectual fear.
6:25
It's not real, but it feels so real. Feels real, yeah. Right?
6:28
Like when someone says like oh, I'm really scared about what if I get rejected from the job or I'm really scared that my partner's going to leave me or I'm really scared that I don't feel good enough or smart enough to to make it in whatever field it is.
6:45
Those feel extremely real. Yeah.
6:49
How do you process a feeling that feels real even though it may be intellectual? Yeah.
6:54
Well, so that's the beautiful thing about being a human and I think it's and you can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it's actually in the Bhagavad Gita gives an example of a lion attacking you at a tiger attacking you at night.
7:05
And you know, one of the examples I give in the book is is similar to that where it's like if you think about it, if you we've all had this where we have a really intense dream.
7:11
Like you're walking in a forest, whatever it is, and you see a lion, it starts running after you.
7:17
You know, you you run from it, you turn, you look over your shoulder, it's getting closer, you're still running from it, you turn, you look over your shoulder, just his teeth are about to to to dig into you.
7:25
And you wake up in the middle of the night and your body didn't move at all.
7:30
But you're sweating, you're out of breath, your heart rate is intensely going.
7:34
And the amazing thing about being a human, you know, they usually say what in in any case is what your biggest strength is is also can be your biggest fault.
7:43
The thing about humans is that we can project our minds into a future that doesn't exist yet.
7:47
And so, what we can do right now is we can sit here, you know, we're in the studio, everything is amazing.
7:53
We have food, water, shelter, clothing, everything.
7:56
But if I'm like, as a lot of people do, like if I'm starting a business, right?
8:00
I can sit here and I can think, "I really want to start this business."
8:02
But then I start playing out all of the things that could go wrong, which is what we tend to do.
8:07
Not what goes right, but what could go wrong.
8:09
When I project my mind into that future, the crazy part is that my mind and my body are constantly connected.
8:15
So, my my brain is sending neuropeptides to my body and creating hormones as if that moment is actually happening right now.
8:22
And so, what happens is we tend to, us humans, as a protection mechanism, uh we tend to project ourselves into a future that is fearful, that is scary, and that fearful, scary feeling usually keeps us in the exact same place.
8:36
And so, what I always say is like, if I'm going to imagine the worst that could happen, why don't I at least try to see the best that could happen?
8:41
And so, if I'm going to notice myself the awareness of like, "I'm really in a lot of fear right now with starting this business."
8:49
And I'm I'm going, "Man, what's the worst that could happen?"
8:50
Well, then I might as well close my eyes and say like, "What's the best that could happen?"
8:54
And what would it feel like to start this business and to be able to crack a million dollars in a business and how proud of myself would I be to break a a million dollars in sales and to be able to build this and travel with my family and provide what I've always wanted to provide.
9:10
And if I'm going to feel the feelings of fear, why don't I also just try on feeling the feelings of success and getting there?
9:17
And so, if we notice this is an intellectual fear, the first the first piece that I always say is there's there's three pieces.
9:22
There's the awareness of it.
9:23
Okay, I'm aware that I'm in a state of fear.
9:27
I need a practice to get myself out of that.
9:29
Okay, if I notice myself in in a state of fear, what's my practice to get myself out of it?
9:34
Well, I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to calm down and and and take six deep breaths and I'm going to connect back to my heart and I'm going to ask myself like what's the best thing that could happen?
9:43
That's the practice to get myself out of it and then the last piece is repetition.
9:46
So it's awareness, it's practice, it's repetition.
9:48
If I do it over and over and over again, eventually I start to rewire myself.
9:52
So like one of the things that that I found in myself years ago that I didn't like was was that I judge people and I didn't I'm like, "Man, I love people.
10:00
Like I love I try to do I try to be of service as much as I can, but an immediate thought that will come in my head sometimes is like judgment of somebody that I don't know and I just judge them and I was like, "I don't like that pattern.
10:11
I want to change this pattern within myself."
10:13
So awareness, I become aware of what I want to change.
10:17
And the the one the first time I really did it, I was at a grocery store and this guy had this like Bluetooth, you know, like the long Bluetooth.
10:22
It was in like as if he was, you know, making cold calls at an office, but he was at the grocery store.
10:27
And immediately the first thought in my head was judgment.
10:29
And I always say you can't change your first thought, but you can change your second thought.
10:33
So I noticed a judgment as a first thought.
10:36
The awareness, my practice that I decided for myself was I'm going to force myself in my head to say three things that I like about this guy.
10:43
I paused myself in the moment.
10:43
I found myself in a pattern that I don't want to be in anymore.
10:47
What are three things that I like about this guy?
10:48
And I said it and then I went on about my day and I started doing this over and over and over and over again.
10:55
And one thing that I noticed is that my first thought started changing to less judgment and more acceptance cuz ultimately that's that's what I really want to work on is more acceptance and loving of people and of myself.
11:06
And so I think it's um it's becoming aware of it.
11:09
Once you're aware of the the things that you're trying the pattern you're trying to change, what's the practice that you're going to take yourself down and then noticing that you're just going to need to do it over and over and over again.
11:20
But the one of the biggest keys is to give yourself grace as you're doing it cuz a lot of times we make we are become aware and then we judge ourselves and we beat ourselves up for it.
11:27
So I think it's it's giving yourself a lot of loving grace and going, "Hey, I've noticed this pattern.
11:31
Don't worry, we're going to change it.
11:33
Let's go on this practice."
11:34
and just continuing to do that. Yeah, it's so well said.
11:36
I think so often we get scared even of having the thought of what could be possible because we're scared that it can't be possible.
11:44
And we just find another thing to be fearful of.
11:46
And I love this idea of what you're saying around transforming your thoughts because I've definitely the more and more I've studied books, the more and more I've I've read and I've thought I've discovered that all of our failure and success in life is based on our most repeated thought. Mhm.
12:05
And one of my biggest questions to most people I meet now is, "What is your most repeated thought?" Mhm.
12:09
And most people don't know the answer because they're not aware Right. in your words.
12:15
And a lot of people who do know will say it's something like, "I'm not good enough.
12:20
I don't like the way I look. I am ugly."
12:24
And whatever whatever else it may be for them, right?
12:26
And so, we're either aware and it's negative or we're unaware because it's so subconscious.
12:30
And I've started to recognize that most of the thoughts we have are not that different.
12:37
They're the same thought that comes in a different voice, a different tone, a different vocabulary, a different language, but it's the same repetition. Yeah.
12:46
And so, I've started to really think about what's my most repeated thought. Yeah.
12:50
And how can I be more, as you are saying, how can I be more selective about it?
12:54
And how can I choose it more effectively rather than just let it be something that's kind of just coming up. Yeah.
13:01
And it's And it's like not Don't identify with your thoughts.
13:03
You know, like one of the things that I don't remember where I heard it before, but the way I like to think about it and and I've heard you say before even like a lot of people say like, "Oh, I struggle with meditating."
13:12
And I've heard you say before where it's not about mastering your thoughts, it's not about making your thoughts go away, it's just becoming aware of your thoughts a little bit more.
13:19
Becau- Because when we close our eyes, you know, about 60% of our brain is visual.
13:23
We It's It's for the visual things to see.
13:26
So, when we close our eyes, it kind of turns off a lot of parts.
13:29
And so, thoughts usually come up and we become aware of those.
13:31
Like, one of the things that I've been doing a lot recently is like trying to be in as much silence as possible.
13:37
Like, I'm just trying to be as much silence as I possibly can cuz I feel like that's where a lot of my awareness is, a lot of my answers come from.
13:46
And so, when you sit there and the analogy that I love when you start thinking of your thoughts is it's like sitting on the edge of a mountain and down below there's just a road going that that that you're looking at.
13:55
And sitting on the edge of the mountain is like meditating or just sitting in silence and just, you know, looking at your thoughts and you can watch the cars go by, the thoughts that go by, and not have to be attached to them.
14:04
You don't find yourself getting sucked into the red car that just went by.
14:08
You just watch the the cars go by.
14:10
And that's the way that I try to to see my thoughts, which is, okay, I'm going to watch them go by.
14:16
I'm not going to connect to them, but I can look at them and be like, is this thought, which, you know, about 90% of our thoughts are the same as yesterday, is this thought helping me in trying to get to where I want to be in life, or is this thought holding me back from trying to get to where I want to be in life?
14:29
And if it's helping me, then I want to strengthen it.
14:31
If it's not helping me, well, then, hey, as that guy in the podcast said, I can't control my first thought, but I can control my second.
14:37
So, what it What would I prefer my second thought to be?
14:39
Yeah, I I think you just hit the nail on the head.
14:41
Like, that's what it is for me.
14:42
It's whether you've understood that you're not your thoughts or not.
14:46
That can be quite hard for people because I think we're so close to them.
14:51
But, even if you can practice distance through meditation or mindfulness, the real win is being able to look at a thought and say, is it good for me or is it not helpful? Like Like you just said.
15:00
Like, I think that is the wisdom of it.
15:02
That can I evaluate everything that's repetitive in my mind and ask myself, is this useful? Is it helpful?
15:08
Is it allowing me to move in the direction I want?
15:11
Because chances are a lot of what we're saying is actually doing the complete opposite.
15:15
And then you go, oh, wait a minute, even though it's interesting and even though I could get lost in here, I don't want to waste time and therefore I'll move in the other direction.
15:24
You talk about procrastination in this book and that again, going back to your earlier title, is a block against the psychology of action.
15:32
And we all have a friend or maybe we are that friend that constantly puts things off.
15:37
We postpone, we procrastinate, we say I'll do it another year.
15:41
I want to launch a podcast.
15:43
Someone's been saying that for 2 years.
15:45
There's someone listening right now who wants to start an Instagram page, they put it off for 6 months.
15:48
There's someone listening who's like, oh I missed out on the Clubhouse thing and then I missed out on the TikTok thing and now I'm missing out on whatever the next thing is.
15:57
And we procrastinate hoping that one day will come.
16:00
What have you learned about procrastination through your research when you were writing the book that has helped people break that cycle because it seems to apply to so many of our lives?
16:11
I mean, the thing about it is this, if I've always I always like to be like very extreme in examples because we can go extreme then it makes a lot of sense.
16:18
But I always tell people like and and I always say it like, hey, I've I've given this when I used to give a lot of speeches.
16:24
I'd be in front of people and say, hey, what's the chance of you making a million dollars this year?
16:26
Give me give me numbers and everyone's like, 0% 0% 0%. 1%.
16:32
There's always one person that's like, five and that's like the most it'll get to.
16:34
And I said, okay, I'm going to give you the most extreme example but I just want to see what happens, okay?
16:38
What's the percentage chance of you making a million dollars this year legally and if you don't everyone that you love dies?
16:47
And everyone's like, 100% 100% 1,000 1,000%. I said, what changed?
16:49
The goal didn't change, the time frame didn't change, why you're doing it changed.
16:56
Would you wake up in the morning if everyone that you love's life depended on it and be like, yeah, well maybe I should scroll on TikTok for a little while.
17:03
No, you'd be like, I'm going to take action immediately.
17:04
And so it doesn't need to be like a fear of losing everybody but what's really behind that is like why?
17:09
Like why they're they're doing it.
17:12
Like if if any of your reflection of anyone who who know Jay, like you're one of the hardest working people I've ever met, but you have a really strong why, right?
17:18
And that's like one of the best parts about it, where it's like when I see Jay, I'm like, this guy has to he he has this internal feeling of like, I want to change the world, and you work so hard trying to do it.
17:29
And that's the the one of the most beautiful things about you, is like you are wanting to change the world and you have a really strong why to it.
17:35
And I think that if most people could figure out like, oh yeah, well, I want to do this thing.
17:39
Why do you want to do it?
17:41
And my my very first one-on-one coach um used to say to me, he would say, "What's your why? What's your why? Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this?"
17:48
He would like hammer it home in my head.
17:49
And I was like, "Why do you ask this so much?"
17:51
And he would always say, "Cuz if your why is strong enough, your how will reveal itself."
17:57
If you know why you want to do something, how it's going to be done, you'll figure out. It doesn't matter.
18:04
Things are going to get in your way, there's going to be obstacles, there's always going to be obstacles, there's always going to be challenges, there's always going to be moments of like, I don't know if I can do this.
18:09
But if your why is so strong, it's like I don't care what comes up in front of me, I'm going to get it done.
18:16
Like most people, they want to be motivated.
18:20
And I have come to to hate the word motivation, because motivation's so fleeting.
18:24
Like, we can wake up and we can listen to a podcast, we can get, you know, read something and be motivated, and then something can happen to us and it's gone. It just disappears.
18:34
What I want to be is I want to be driven.
18:35
Like when you see a driven person, like you see it in their eyes, like, yeah, they're not stopping.
18:39
And the difference between a motivated person and a driven person is that the driven person has this why that they want to see have happen in the world or in their life or for their family.
18:50
And so, I think if people are like, I want to accomplish this goal, the very next question is why?
18:56
And then go why, why, why, why, why, and go deeper into it.
18:58
Um an example I give in the book is I had a coaching client years ago, like 8, 9 years ago, and he was like, "Rob, I want to make $100,000 this year. I've never made it." And I was like, "Why?"
19:09
And I took him through what's called seven levels of why.
19:11
Just keep asking why why why why why.
19:15
And it went from I want to make $100,000 this year cuz I've never done it before to the eventual thing was he had just got into a divorce a couple years ago.
19:24
Both of his young children lived in a bad part of town with his ex-wife.
19:25
He wanted to regain custody because he was afraid that both of his children would be killed in a drive-by.
19:34
And he was so terrified of it that that was his actual true why.
19:36
And so it wasn't it didn't motivation I I didn't have to talk to him and say, "Hey, you know, how close you to make $100,000 this year?"
19:43
I said, "Hey, how close you to providing more safety for your children this year?"
19:46
Cuz he wanted them to move in with him.
19:47
He wanted to be able to provide for them and to make sure that they were safe.
19:50
And so I think that if we just ask ourselves, "Why do I truly want to accomplish this goal?"
19:54
It kind of reveals itself and it makes it a lot easier to take the action. Yeah, for sure.
20:00
I mean, I you know, and I appreciate all the kind words, but I can definitely say the only thing that's kept me going is my why because I think there are so many things that either make you want to give up or slow down or become lazy or complacent.
20:14
And when I look at it and someone asked me this, I was I was sitting with an with another creator end of last year and he was just like to me, "Jay, why do you even do anything anymore?
20:22
Like what what's the point?
20:23
Like it seems like you're you're good.
20:25
Like why do you need to do anything?"
20:27
And I was like, "We've just got to the start of everything."
20:30
Like I just got to the beginning of where I need to be.
20:31
I was like, "We've just got to a point where we can connect with lots of people, but we need to give people the step-by-step process to transform their life.
20:39
And now we can take them on the journey because people are listening, they're engaged, we have a community, we have a connection with people.
20:47
But when I started out, we didn't have any of that.
20:49
So I see as we just got to the start of where I want to be because And and it was just interesting to me that so many people struggle to find their why.
20:59
And I think it's because we don't No one's And you just said your coach helped you do it. It was same with me.
21:05
My art teacher at from age 11 to age 18, he was my art teacher at school.
21:09
And every time I'd paint something or draw something or do a collage or a graphic design, and whatever I do, the first question he'd ask me is, "Why did you do it?" Mhm.
21:19
And I'd be like, cuz it My initial response was, cuz it looks good.
21:22
Like that, you know, I was a kid, what do I know?
21:24
And he'd be like, every year he'd be like, "Why did you do it?"
21:26
And I'd be like, "Oh, cuz this color matches with this color."
21:28
And then he'd be like, "Why did you do it?"
21:30
And I'm like, "Oh, because it reveals the metaphor that I think this is about Then he'd be like, "Why did you do it?"
21:35
And I'm like, because that's how I'm feeling right now.
21:38
I'm trying to And every year he would ask me, he would reveal more and more layers of my psyche in a similar way.
21:44
And again, I've owed it to someone in my life who pushed me to ask the question, "Why?" Same as you.
21:49
And so I think what we're both saying is, please ask that question to yourself.
21:52
But what if someone asked that question and they feel stuck and they kind of go, "I've asked it, but it's kind of just like just want a nice house.
21:59
Like I just want a nice car.
22:00
I just I just kind of want to, you know, like I It's not that deep."
22:04
But I think you're right, like you said, we don't have a lot of primal fears.
22:07
Like some people who are listening right now will have fears of survival.
22:10
And that is driving them and they are working hard and they are pushing.
22:13
And at the same time, we'll have people who like driven, but they're like, "I'm not driven enough because I haven't got anything to be that scared about or that worried about."
22:20
What How do that person discover their why?
22:22
Yeah, I think for me it's like my life was never terrible or you know, like when I when I started the Yeah, when I started the podcast, The Mindset Mentor, like I was at a point in my life where I was making a whole bunch of money and I was 27 years old and I was making 250 grand a year and I was working from home and everything was great.
22:42
But I felt like I was slowly withering away.
22:46
And I could see what the future was going to be while I was there and I said, "Okay, if I do this for another 5 years and I'm 32 years old and I'm still doing this where I have my manager's job, is that going to fulfill me?"
22:58
And it actually gave me more anxiety to think about having my manager's job.
23:02
And then I sat there and I thought, "Okay, well, like I really want to do this podcasting thing.
23:07
It seems to be going pretty well. I want to coach people. I want to help people."
23:11
And I also at the same time was like starting an Amazon business and trying to make money online and do that.
23:14
And so I thought about it and I asked myself, "Okay, if I fast forward 5 years from today, do I want to be the person in sales management like I'm doing now and consulting?
23:24
Do I want to be the guy that's selling stuff on Amazon and you know, an incredible Amazon business person?
23:29
Or do I want to be the guy that's coaching people and helping people change their lives?"
23:32
And the immediate answer was very clear.
23:36
Coaching people and changing their lives.
23:37
And I was like, "Okay, well, that feels like it's the path."
23:39
And then immediately comes up is all kinds of fear.
23:42
Cuz I don't know what I'm doing.
23:44
Like back in the day, 2015, nobody made any money in podcasts.
23:46
I didn't have any idea of how to grow a business, any of that type of stuff.
23:51
But what was important to me was number one, when I fast forwarded into the future, the futures that I didn't want seemed way more painful than trying the unknown.
23:59
And what could be if I did take the path.
24:02
And so that was that became more of a fear.
24:04
Like the fear of judgment, the fear of putting myself out there, other people's opinions. It was there. It's still there.
24:09
And I don't know if you ever get past it, but you just kind of get more used to it.
24:12
But the fear of being in the exact same position, working the same job, maybe making a little bit more money, doing this for every day until the day I die, was terrifying to me.
24:22
That was that was a fear.
24:25
And I was like, "Well, then this path of the unknown isn't as scary."
24:27
And so I might as well take this path of the unknown.
24:31
And I'll be fully transparent.
24:33
There was um I shared this on like one other time, I think.
24:37
There was a moment in 2015 where I started the podcast in August of 2015.
24:45
November of 2015, I was feeling like a whole lot of fear.
24:48
And I was like, "I might have to go back and work for someone else again."
24:50
And it was just fear was so in my head and I was like, "I got to go back to making money. I got a new house. I got a mortgage.
24:55
I don't know how I'm going to do this.
24:57
I'm not making any money doing this.
24:58
My sister came out to me and I believe, you know, if you're silent, the messages are always there.
25:02
If you're looking, the messages are always there.
25:05
And my sister, I was at her house um and she goes, "Hey, have you ever seen this box of dad's stuff?" And I was like, "No."
25:10
And she brought out my my father was an alcoholic.
25:11
He passed away when I was 15 from his alcoholism.
25:14
And she brought out this box and it was like his glasses, there's a a t-shirt of his, um it was his watch.
25:18
And the other things were a bunch of letters.
25:23
My dad was in jail for a little while uh for multiple DUIs and they put him in jail and he would write letters to us.
25:29
And um and he wrote a letter to my sister on her 19th birthday.
25:35
And I was reading this, you know, 2015.
25:37
So, he would have wrote it to her in in 1999.
25:39
And the very last line was, "I hope you live your life with courage, love, and laughter."
25:45
And I read it and it was like the universe warped and I was like, "Oh, he wrote this for me."
25:53
Like there was a moment where I was like, "He wrote this to my sister, but the universe is giving me this message through my dad cuz I need to hear this right now cuz I'm in so much fear and the very first line is courage.
26:02
Live your life with courage, love, and laughter."
26:05
And I was like, "I got to commit."
26:07
Like I I I this has to be the thing.
26:09
I've got to make a decision and when you look at the root word of decision, it's decideri, which means to cut off.
26:14
I'm going to cut off all other options.
26:16
You know, I heard like Will Smith say there's no reason to have plan B cuz it's a distraction from plan A.
26:21
Like it's got to be the thing.
26:23
And I was like, "Oh my god, I got to commit to this thing.
26:24
I can't have any more feelings of like I'm going to go back to work for someone else.
26:26
Like this is my life path.
26:30
I'm either going to succeed at it or I'm going to die trying."
26:31
And I was like, "I don't know what to do."
26:33
I was like, "I'm going to get this tattoo to my arm."
26:35
So, I literally have, "You live your life with courage, love, and laughter" tattooed on my arm, my very first tattoo I ever got.
26:40
But it was like for me, people always think like when you make a decision, the fear disappears.
26:44
Like I wish that I could do these things, but it's like it's always there, but you've got to learn that like the fear is always going to be there.
26:51
But my bigger fear is getting to the end of my life and having not done this, having not tried to help people.
26:57
You know, like being in the room with with my father after he passed away when I was 15 years old and realizing cuz he was the first person I ever met that passed away, I'm going to be there one day. And I saw it. I was like, "Oh, yeah.
27:12
That's I'm going to He He was a dreamer and he was an amazing person, but he didn't do what he wanted to do.
27:16
I am not going to live that life.
27:18
I'm going to create what I want to create."
27:22
And now I have all of the other fears that everyone else has, but my biggest fear is getting to the end of my life and not having tried or not having at least gone for it.
27:28
Yeah, that's I love hearing that and you've reminded me of a great speech that Jim Carrey gave, funnily enough, and he talked about how his dad, I believe his dad, and I could be getting this wrong, but he said that his dad was an accountant. Mhm.
27:44
And he did that to be safe.
27:46
And he said that when he was young, his dad got made redundant from his safe job. Right.
27:51
Jim Carrey said that in life, you are probably going to fail at something you don't love. Mhm.
27:57
So you might as well try something you do love. Right.
28:00
Like this idea that I'm choosing the safe option or I'm choosing something that my parents told my family wanted or I'm choosing something I think is secure, even that's unstable and uncertain.
28:10
And so the uncertainty that you pursue actually is less fearful Yeah.
28:15
because you're on top of it. You're aware.
28:17
And I think that's That's one of the biggest habits that I think changed my life is that I stopped believing and accepting that I would get to a place where I no longer had to use my brain. Mhm. Right?
28:31
Like I think we all believe subconsciously somewhere that there's a paycheck, there's a bank balance, there's a home, there's a fashion, there's a partner that means from At on, I don't have to think about anything. Because it's all good.
28:49
And my I'd say my best habit in life is recognizing that that is the biggest myth that we've been sold.
28:53
And I just don't accept it.
28:56
And I'm okay that my life requires constant work ethic and effort and awareness and being astute and being conscious.
29:05
Because that is what's actually being demanded by this world.
29:09
A uncertain world forces you to be conscious. Yeah.
29:14
But if you're unconscious in an uncertain world, that's leading to a really dangerous place. Sure.
29:20
And but I think we're waiting for that moment where we can just not be conscious because it's so much hard work.
29:24
But to your point, it's way harder work being unconscious. Oh, yeah.
29:28
Because the amount of unconscious issues that arise are numerous.
29:32
I think there's like a lot of wisdom in what you said.
29:34
Because a lot of people would rather just be like, "Well, let me get to this destination once I'm there everything becomes better." Hey, I want that, too. Right?
29:45
And I I thought that for a long time.
29:46
And And it's interesting the journey that I've had is, you know, um I always wanted to make money.
29:51
Because I thought money was going to give me what I needed.
29:55
It would give me that safety and security that I never felt as a child.
29:58
And then I got to a goal that I wanted to get to and I realized I feel exactly the same as I've always felt.
30:03
I don't feel any different.
30:05
I don't feel any more secure.
30:06
I don't feel any happier.
30:06
I don't feel any more loved.
30:07
And what I realized was I thought that the achievement, the recognition from other people, the money in my bank account, the buying cool stuff would fill what I actually thought was and and consciously now know is I thought that all of those things would fill a void that was inside of me.
30:23
And what I realized is what I was searching for from the external world is actually what I was searching for for myself.
30:28
And so the reason why I spend so much time in silence nowadays, I'll just go out on my porch and I'll just sit there for a couple hours is because I'm trying to fill the void that I have have created through life and through patterns and through heartbreaks and through all of the things that happened in my childhood and I'm trying to be there as the 38-year-old man for the nine-year-old boy that's still healing.
30:55
And what I've realized is that none of the material things, anything externally, will ever give me what I was ever searching for.
31:00
Everything I've always searched for in the external was what I've been searching for for myself.
31:05
And so I don't I 100% agree with you.
31:05
I don't think there's any destination we ever get to.
31:08
I think I'm constantly going to overcome more things every single day and you know, if I live to 100, I I would be so lucky and another 62 more years, I don't expect that I'm going to get to the end of my life and be like, "I got I figured it out."
31:20
I think the beautiful thing part of part about it is I think that I was given this this need for achievement to realize that it doesn't change anything because the path of wanting to achieve and doing it through business and doing it through growing and all that stuff has actually lit up inside of me um a spiritual journey that wouldn't have been there had I not wanted to go for those things. Yeah, absolutely.
31:46
I heard this uh you reminded me of this story that's told about Benjamin Franklin.
31:53
And Benjamin Franklin had 13 virtues.
31:56
And these were all qualities that he aspired to develop in his life.
32:02
Simplicity, authenticity, patience, things like that.
32:05
And when he was on his deathbed, they asked him which one he didn't accomplish. Mhm.
32:09
And he said it was the 13th one.
32:11
And they said, "What was that?" And he said, "Humility." Mhm.
32:14
And I love that because I think what you're saying is humility doesn't mean you're meek or weak.
32:19
It means I'm able to accept there's always more to learn.
32:25
I don't know everything and it's okay.
32:28
I'm going to give myself grace for it, too.
32:29
It isn't a feeling of I'm useless because I don't know.
32:32
It's actually I'll become more useful if I recognize there are things that I still have to learn.
32:38
And and when I'm listening to you about your spiritual journey and that silence, I'm intrigued by that.
32:42
Walk us through how you fill that void almost practice-wise because I I identify with that fully and it's funny because we always talked about how our lives were kind of opposite. Yeah.
32:57
Cuz when I met you, I'd kind of gone down this deep spiritual path Right. but I had no money. Yeah.
33:03
And you were in the other boat where you had this you had sustained yourself financially and created a really good stable place for yourself but you were seeking spiritually and so we're kind of a Right. Right?
33:11
We had that conversation if I'm not Yeah.
33:13
And let's talk about that, too, but I'm intrigued as to how does that couple of hours or whatever that time on your porch, like how do you do that for people because I think we we like the sound of that but then we get distracted by the next thing.
33:25
What I've come to find and I can speak within myself and this is what I've seen from other people.
33:28
But what I've seen within myself is that I've learned a lot of lessons from my dad.
33:34
Um most of them after his death and me processing things.
33:37
My father was the way that he was and he became an alcoholic because he had things in his past that he hadn't worked through.
33:44
And the thing that that he hadn't worked through is when he was 12 years old, my father heard a gunshot, he walked into the room and his dad had just shot himself in the mouth with the shotgun.
33:54
And so my dad grew up in rural Tennessee.
33:56
This is 19, you know, '60s when this happened.
33:59
19 Yeah, 1960s when this happened.
34:01
There wasn't a whole lot for him to understand it. There weren't podcasts.
34:04
There weren't books to read like we have nowadays.
34:08
And so I I always consciously knew that the what was happening was that he had not healed his pain.
34:14
And Gabor Maté says, "Don't ask why the trauma, ask why the pain."
34:19
And when I first heard Gabor Maté, I was like, "Oh my god, someone's finally saying what I always thought with my father."
34:26
And so, you know, we can look at him and say, "Oh yeah, he's an alcoholic and he didn't overcome his trauma."
34:30
The trauma, the way it came up in my life is I became a workaholic.
34:32
And so, I didn't You know, sometimes we could see someone and say, "Oh, they drink too much alcohol. They do too much drugs. They eat too much food."
34:40
They And we can say, "Oh, yeah, that's That's their their addiction."
34:45
The problem and the hard thing in our society is that my addiction of workaholic is rewarded.
34:49
And people look up to it.
34:52
They're like, "You're doing so great.
34:54
You're making so much money. All of this is so good."
34:55
And what I came to find is that my workaholism was just basically me trying to not feel my feelings and to to not work through and process those things.
35:05
Um you know, like scrolling on social media could be that way for somebody.
35:09
It could be Um some people are addicted to working out.
35:12
Some people are addicted to, you know, watching TV.
35:14
And And there's so many Some people are addicted to shopping.
35:17
There's so many different addictions that we have.
35:18
And what I found is that the hardest thing for me was to stop.
35:26
And to just not have to I was always trying to fill every single moment of my day.
35:29
I always tried to be so busy.
35:29
When I didn't have something to do, I'd find something to do in my business.
35:34
Businesses, you can always work all day, every day.
35:37
And so, what I've tried to do and I've I've built in my business is a lot of systems and processes through my My VP of operations has really helped me with this a ton to be able to take a lot of stuff off my plate so that I have more time to just be.
35:48
It's my personal belief uh that I think that God, the universe, life, whatever it is, speaks in silence.
35:57
And so, if I want those messages, I need to be silent.
35:58
What I found for myself is when I would be silent, a lot of anxiety would come up.
36:02
And it'd be, "You got to go to the next thing.
36:04
You got to go to the next thing. Dude, this is stupid.
36:06
You should be doing something else."
36:08
And then I just realized that what I was trying to do was achieve to fill a void.
36:11
But I could sit here and there's been moments where I'll sit on my porch and I'll literally just start crying.
36:19
And I'm like, sometimes it's gratitude.
36:21
Oh my god, I can't believe I've been given this life.
36:22
I can't believe I've had these challenges.
36:23
I can't believe that I've had this come up, but I'm so grateful for every single aspect of it.
36:29
And sometimes I just sit there and tear up and I'm like, I don't know what this is, but this is something my body's releasing.
36:34
And I need to be okay with this releasing process.
36:36
Um, you know, there's a there's a really interesting thing that that people could look at.
36:41
There's two videos that are really interesting on um on YouTube.
36:42
One of them is called uh polar bear trauma where they show a video of a polar bear and they they shoot it with a tranquilizer gun from a a helicopter.
36:52
They chase it down the helicopter, really heightened experience.
36:53
They shoot it with tranquilizer gun, so it's still awake, but it's not, you know, completely out.
36:58
And it starts having a convulsion, starts seizing.
36:59
And eventually after it seizes, it's what it's doing is it's releasing all of the cortisol, all of the adrenaline from its body so that there's no trauma that comes with it.
37:10
And so then it goes after it's shaken for a while, takes a really deep breath and it just kind of calms down.
37:16
Almost identical video of a impala that gets attacked by a jaguar and the jaguar gets scared off.
37:21
It starts to convulse, takes a deep breath, and then it moves it.
37:26
And we're taught in our lives at some point in time not to remove this and to work through these traumas and these feelings.
37:32
I think children naturally do it through like temper tantrums.
37:35
They move it, and sometimes as adults, we either need to have like an adult temper tantrum in safety uh where you just take a pillow and you can be angry, you can be mad, you can just scream, you can cuss, you can smash it against the bed, whatever it is in in safety, by yourself without other people around so you don't scare them as well.
37:53
And then sometimes it's also just like sitting there in silence and and realizing that what is coming is going.
37:58
What's It's like when you squeeze an orange, what's inside of it?
37:59
Orange juice, cuz that's what's in it, right?
38:02
When you sit there and you put pressure on yourself or you give yourself space, what's coming out is actually what's inside, and your body's natural intelligence is trying to let go of it.
38:10
And so for me, that's what I found is that there's some moments where I'm just like incredibly grateful.
38:13
There's some moments where I'm I by doing nothing, Jay, I get so much anxiety.
38:18
And I'm like, what is this? Why?
38:20
And instead of running from it, I'm I get curious.
38:23
And I think if we could just get more curious, um like I I've been reading a whole lot of Krishnamurti recently. I love Krishnamurti.
38:31
And one says he one thing he says is is don't know yourself cuz knowing is based in the past and past is based off of memories.
38:37
Start learning yourself, which is in the present moment.
38:40
So be present and be like, what comes up?
38:42
How can I be curious about this anxious feeling or these tears or whatever it is and and just be be in the space to just know yourself or get to know yourself a little bit better. Yeah, it's so great.
38:51
I mean talking about that, that goes to me back to what we were talking about at the start of it.
38:56
You were saying how this idea of well, what if the worst thing happens?
39:02
What if the best thing happens?
39:02
And we were talking about this idea of Jim Carrey and you were saying that there's this experience of well, I lost who Jim Carrey was.
39:10
And what we've both talked about is we are so much of what our thoughts are.
39:15
And therefore, if you change the thoughts completely, you're almost a completely different human. Sure. So then, who are we? Right?
39:19
Comes back to this know thyself versus learning of thyself.
39:23
Like, what has that spiritual journey taken you on to understanding identity? I mean, God, Jay.
39:29
That's as deep as it can get.
39:32
Um that that I'm just uh I am just a soul that that chose this life.
39:36
soul that that chose this life. And um one of the things that I like to do is I like to think that I I chose this life and and um that immediately takes me from being a victim in my life of woe is me, my father was this way, he did this to me, my mom did this to me,
39:52
and my teachers acted this way, versus me going like, I think my soul chose this life because this is whatever is needed for this path that it's on for, you know, whether it's reincarnation or whether it's heaven or hell or whatever it is that comes after this, I don't know, but I do know like right now I do have this life as Rob Dial. And as I get older, the thing I realize
40:11
And as I get older, the thing I realize is that my body changes.
40:13
I'm not as fast as I used to be.
40:16
I'm a lot more sore than I used to be.
40:17
Like my body's changing, but my soul is this thing that is just always there.
40:21
And so the thing that I've that I've come to realize is that I want to I don't know if it's going to sound weird, like I want to unattach myself from this body, from everything around me, and I want to try to connect back to what's internally inside of me.
40:35
And the one thing that I find is that that never changes.
40:40
Like that there's like a a truth that's behind that and truth is the thing that that never changes.
40:45
If something changes or if something can be questioned, it's not true.
40:48
But there's this feeling that feels like truth inside of me at least and everybody has their own truth.
40:54
But for me, my truth is there's something that's behind all of it.
40:59
And the more that I connect to it, the more peace that I have.
41:01
Like I listen to a lot of Ram Dass and one of the things that he said I was I was listening to him on the drive over here and and I listen to his meditation every day is the only work that you have to do is the connection to your own heart.
41:17
And so I'm always constantly thinking, what's in the way of my own heart?
41:18
What what material possessions, what things that I want to to get are in the way of that?
41:25
And the reason why I think that it helps is number one, I've I've had so much more peace from trying to connect to that.
41:31
And my relationship with my wife has been so much better because of it cuz I'm not blocking her from letting her in.
41:38
She's experiencing me fully.
41:41
She's she starts to be able to open up even more in different ways.
41:43
I'll be able to experience her more fully.
41:45
And so for me, it's just like connecting to the thing that's behind it that feels like the only thing that's truth.
41:50
Now, mind you, if if Rob 15 years ago had heard this, he'd be like, what the hell is that guy talking about? It would make no sense.
41:58
But on this journey, I've just I've just kind of realized that there's something behind it all.
42:04
And I want to try to connect to that something behind it all and see what it is.
42:06
And so for me, it's like I I I like to use myself as a guinea pig.
42:10
Everything I teach in the Mindset Mentor in the podcast is all stuff that I'm trying within myself.
42:13
And I I use it as almost my own therapy sessions where I'm talking to everybody, but I'm talking to myself.
42:18
I'm reminding myself of all these things.
42:20
And um what I realized is I I realized that after 15 19 years of personal development, it's like, you know, personal development's like this this this cup right here.
42:30
And I feel like my cup in personal development was overflowing.
42:33
And then I found spiritual development and I realized, "Oh my god, it's a lot bigger cup."
42:37
And it's not even close to being full. Like, it's a bucket.
42:40
And it needs it it's my next thing that I'm working on.
42:42
So, for me it's like the mindset, the working through, like I'm constantly working on those and trying to get better.
42:47
But for me it's like, I want to connect to myself and see what else is in there. Mhm. Yeah, for sure.
42:51
Thank you for sharing that.
42:53
I mean, you made me remember a C. S.
42:54
Lewis statement that says, "You don't have a soul, you are the soul and you have a body." Yeah.
43:03
And I remember I used to have that written on a little posted note and I used to look at it every day first thing in the morning.
43:09
Because I was thinking about this concept of identity that the first thing 99% of us do when we wake up first thing in the morning is we look in the mirror. Mhm.
43:18
Usually we say something like, "Ugh, I look tired."
43:21
Or "I don't like that spot."
43:24
Or "God, I put on weight."
43:26
God, whatever it is, right?
43:28
Now all of a sudden we're already in the bodily concept of life, this bodily consciousness.
43:33
And now you live your whole day thinking about the body. What does the body need?
43:38
The body needs food, etc.
43:38
And so And that's natural, like that's not unnatural, that's normal. Like, I do that, too.
43:47
But then you're saying that at the same time you've got to nurture and nourish and connect with this deeper sense.
43:51
How do you balance the two in a real world where you have responsibilities, you have bills, you have things to do that are connected to the body, but then at the same time we're like, "But you're not this body."
44:04
So, how how do you balance?
44:05
How do you make sense of these two seemingly opposite pursuits?
44:09
Yeah, I mean, I'm the the thing that I that I think I would have thought 5 or 10 years ago was that the more that I get into spiritual development, the less motivated I'll become or the less the less I will want to achieve.
44:19
That hasn't gone away any sort of way.
44:24
But what I have found is that I achieve through a place of of It's more like I'm not white-knuckling my way through life anymore.
44:33
I'm not I can take action and not be so wrapped up in my fears and my limiting beliefs.
44:37
And so it's not like you I'm I'm in the world and and of the world at the same time where it's like the soul is here and I get as I'm speaking to you, everything that I say is also something that I struggle with every single day.
44:50
I have not mastered this process.
44:51
There'll be times where I find myself just so in the world and I'm just like stressed, there's things happening, there's this business where there's all of this, you know, we've got employees, we're hiring people, there's stuff happening.
45:04
And then I just take a step back and I'm like It's just a It's just like a kind of like a game. Like take a second.
45:08
Like that's it's all real.
45:10
That's it's I'm not saying that's it's not true, it's not reality, it's not in front of you. It's all there.
45:17
But behind it all, if I can connect to like a deeper sense that's within me and and the the soul that I feel is in there, I'm like, "Hey, man, chill out for a second.
45:26
Like it's really not that big of a deal, right?
45:27
Most things, you know, there are there are definitely some things that are big deals in people's lives and there's deaths and there's there's um things that people have to, you know, be in control of and be able to pay bills and all that stuff.
45:38
All those are real and they're definitely necessary.
45:42
But behind it all, you're still there. Yeah.
45:43
And there's this thing that if I can take myself back and kind of like out of my own head and kind of into my heart, which has been a big journey for me because I was I'm so analytical and was never really taught like feelings and how to feel and process emotions.
45:58
But if I can take myself out of my head and into my heart, what I've always found is that my head is always projecting itself into the future or sometimes projecting itself into the past.
46:07
But, most for me, like if I sit down and meditate sometimes, it's like all of my to-do list, all of the things that I have to do, and it's projecting itself into the future.
46:16
So, my brain is always somewhere else.
46:18
My body, it's always here.
46:20
And so, when I notice myself get stressed, I notice myself get anxious, I notice myself, whatever feelings I might be feeling, if I can take a couple deep breaths and kind of get back into my body, I'm like, "It's not that bad."
46:30
Like, you'll fit you you have overcome so many things in your life.
46:34
You'll figure out a way to get through it.
46:36
And so, what I've found is that it's not that I don't take the action.
46:39
It's not that I'm not um wanting to achieve more and more things and be able to have more fun and have more do all of this stuff in the external world, but when I find myself kind of take a step back and kind of be in my heart, is it makes it a lot easier where I'm not like white-knuckling and forcing my way through life.
46:55
It's almost like I'm allowing life to happen through me.
46:56
And I don't know how it works, and I don't pretend to be smart enough, but things start happening around me that help me in the process of getting toward the wherever it is that I actually want to truly go.
47:11
Yeah, it's there's this really interesting thing in Eastern traditions.
47:15
There's this obviously this idea of oneness and that everything's one.
47:21
And then there's this idea of duality that there's this side and then there's this side.
47:27
And one teaching that I've really connected with is this idea idea of simultaneously one and different. Mhm.
47:36
And it sounds complex, but it's actually not.
47:38
It's this idea that this feels real and and it can be real and it is real, and at the same time there is a greater reality.
47:44
So, rather than this feeling of everything's one, everything's the same, or it's disconnected, there's real and fake, it's actually this idea that a lot of things are real, but they're not the full picture.
47:54
So, the idea that today in LA, it's like saying the weather's rainy and cloudy, but that's not the weather everywhere.
48:01
So, it's my current reality, but it's not reality across the whole world.
48:06
And when you start looking at life in that way of there's this reality and then there's this bigger reality, I think that's that zoom out.
48:13
That's that let me take a breath.
48:15
That's that let let me look at the inner world as well.
48:19
And I think what it does is it gives you a certain grace and it gives you a certain detachment, disconnection, but also a recognition of the significance of what you do and the insignificance of it. And both are so needed.
48:33
Like I believe what I do is significant and at the same time it's totally insignificant.
48:39
You won't We won't be remembered in a thousand years. And it's so okay. Yeah.
48:41
And but we take it so seriously and if you only do one or the other, like if I only see my life as extremely significant, everything's too high pressure.
48:50
Oh my gosh, I would I would it would hurt me.
48:52
And it would cause me pain if I thought everything I did was of utmost significance.
48:59
And if I thought my life was insignificant, if I thought my life was irrelevant, that would be really bad for my self-esteem. Why do anything?
49:04
I won't be able to function. Right.
49:06
And so I think it's really interesting because the more and more I'm learning, I'm like I have to learn how to hold these two seemingly opposite things, but actually they're so connected and symbiotic and they're so synchronous because they both have value.
49:19
Going back to which thought has value, the the collective thought of my life is significant and insignificant is the most helpful thought because thinking I'm significant and insignificant both unhelpful thoughts.
49:33
Oh my god, that's you actually just summarized perfectly what I feel like actually has been going through my head for years, which is what I do, I do believe is so important.
49:44
And at the same time, I'm like none of it matters. Right?
49:47
It's it's this weird duality that we live in.
49:50
But it's so freeing because it it takes so much pressure off where it just becomes like fun.
49:54
Like it's it's how can I bring more fun into life?
49:57
Like when did we lose the the joy of life and the fun of life that we had as children?
50:03
When was it programmed out of us and how can I connect to that child and bring that spirit back in and be like, "Yeah, I'm going to do some amazing things in the world, but without it being stressful, with just with it being fun and with it being something that I can do and it and it effortlessly flows out of me."
50:18
Like I believe that every single person is incredibly creative and we are we are creators at the actual core of us.
50:27
And a lot of us have lost it and I lost it for years.
50:29
And so what I think is how can I make the creativity flow out of me in some sort of way and just allow the space for it to happen.
50:36
And one of the things that happens and it's not necessarily my my goal of it, but when I sit in silence, I get ideas that come through and I'm like, "Oh man, I don't know how I didn't see this."
50:48
And that's where they all are.
50:49
So it's like a lot of times we're trying to force things to happen, we're trying to force creativity, trying to force ideas, but sometimes when I get there I'm like, "Oh man, yeah, this is the thing I've been searching for."
50:58
And it's just I think every person needs to give themselves just a little bit more space to not be on their phone, to not be constantly, you know, and I a lot of people have children, their their children are up.
51:08
Can you wake up a little bit earlier, not be on your phone and just sit in silence and see what comes up.
51:13
And and I think that it's really important for people because um what you'll notice is exactly what you're saying, which is what we do.
51:20
Like this life is so important, but it is very insignificant and that's okay.
51:25
There's nothing wrong with that.
51:25
Like I've I love watching videos on YouTube about how small the earth is compared to the rest of the universe and it stresses my wife out.
51:33
She's like, "I'm going to have a panic attack."
51:34
Why why do you watch this?
51:36
Because I was like, "I like to remind myself that even though it's all happening and I'm in it, none of it actually truly matters." And that's okay. Absolutely.
51:46
And I think when I'm listening to you, there's this feeling that you know, I feel like I agree with you.
51:50
I think everyone is a creator.
51:52
I do believe that creativity flows when we connect with that, but I think sometimes we feel so distracted from it. Yeah.
51:59
And it's so much easier to pull out our phone.
52:01
It's so much easier to put on a show in the background.
52:02
It's so much easier to do all of these It's so much easier to do all those things at the same time. Yeah.
52:08
Like now we're no longer ever with one person.
52:11
We're with one person, we're both on our phones, and we're watching a show at the same time, and we got our laptops doing work.
52:18
So, you've literally got three screens in front of you, five screens in total, and there's this so much distraction, right? We know that.
52:28
How does a person possibly, and I say this out of like compassion and empathy, because it's like it requires so much from us. Right.
52:35
Because everything around us is built for distraction.
52:37
The foods we're eating, the the things we drink and consume, the the stuff that's created around us, it's all to distract. Yeah.
52:45
So, you're fighting like almost what feels to a lot of people like a losing battle. Right.
52:50
What do you do to get pick yourself back up?
52:51
I mean, what's more what's what's more important than that?
52:56
You know, like what's more important than connecting to your true self, to working on yourself?
52:59
Like I Why do I Like why am I so hardcore on mindset?
53:04
Cuz I know how many people are so wrapped up in my in their mindset and their thoughts and their beliefs and their patterns that they're stuck in.
53:11
And what ultimately we all want, I think, is is freedom.
53:13
And the way to get through to that freedom is to work on yourself.
53:18
Whatever that looks like for whatever stage someone is in.
53:19
You know, and and I can have uh empathy for every person at every stage, cuz I've been through so many stages of of my process.
53:29
And um I think that it comes back to like, why are you doing it?
53:31
What do you want If if you're trying to disconnect from your phone, why?
53:36
You know, like for me, like I I recently deleted Instagram from my phone.
53:41
I did it last year for a month, felt like it was amazing.
53:43
The book came out and I was like, I got to get back on. I got to promote.
53:46
I got to make sure things are good.
53:48
I recently just deleted it again.
53:49
And now everything that that I post, everything flows through my team.
53:53
So I'm it's not like it's just gone.
53:54
It's just now I just happen to to flow through everything flows through my team.
54:00
Why did I do that though?
54:00
Was because I don't want to live my life on that phone.
54:05
And the one thing that I noticed is that Instagram was one of the things where I would pick it up and I would just somehow get to it.
54:11
And I wasn't even thinking about getting to it.
54:16
And I was like, my life is not this little tiny thing.
54:18
My life is everything that's out here.
54:20
And so why do I want to get Why did I delete it?
54:23
Was because I actually want to be in everything.
54:25
I want to be present with my wife.
54:27
When we have children, I want to be present with our children.
54:31
I want to be the most present version of myself as I possibly can.
54:35
And I can't imagine that I'll get to the end of my life, be 100 years old and be like, I wish I would have spent more time on Instagram.
54:42
I wish I would have spent more time watching Netflix.
54:43
You know, I and I have I've I've been addicted to all of those things.
54:47
I'm not you know, uh above any of this stuff.
54:50
But I started looking at myself and saying like, is this helping me get to where I want to be in life?
54:53
Is it creating more peace in my life?
54:54
For me it was creating way more stress.
54:56
It was perpetuating these feelings that I'm trying to let go of and try trying to work with.
55:01
And so for me, I think what's important to people is like, if you want to make a change, why do you want to make the change?
55:06
And for me, looking at a screen is not as important as actually physically being in front of my wife and giving her what she actually truly deserves, which is 100% of my attention.
55:18
Cuz there's been times where I've not given her 100% of my attention.
55:22
And as I as we start to have kids and stuff, I don't want to be a distracted parent. I want to be with them.
55:26
I don't I'll I'll never sit there and go, well, when my kids were kids, my kids were children, like, I wish I would have spent more time on Instagram.
55:33
I wish I would have spent more time watching Netflix.
55:37
I just think it for me like the the the level of the the place I'm at in my life is I want to be as present as possible because I've worked for things I've climbed ladders I've gotten to different places I've realized none of those things fulfilled me any sort of way.
55:48
And this journey I've been on in the past, you know, 10 years, 7 years ago when we started talking about the Bhagavad Gita and I started meditating a whole lot more and getting into it as I realized, oh these things are bringing me peace.
56:00
And the more peaceful I feel the more that it becomes easy to actually achieve and create the stuff that I want to in life.
56:08
And so for me the presence and the peace at this point in my life, things might change.
56:12
I don't know what it's going to be in 5 years, are actually the things that are the most important to me.
56:16
Yeah, it's so interesting.
56:17
I think we feel like being anxious and being you know, kind of like busy and stuff will actually create the most effectiveness.
56:24
But what you just said this idea of if you start from a place of peace and I think about that I completely agree with that.
56:30
If you walk into something with stillness it gives you clarity, it gives you perspective, you can zoom out, you can zoom in.
56:38
If you're buzzing around and moving around, you lose all of that.
56:41
It's all blurry and fuzzy.
56:43
And I want to ask you, what's what's a lesson you wish you learned earlier in life?
56:52
I think it's that what you're searching for externally you're actually searching for yourself.
56:58
Um I think that's become very apparent to me in the past few years is is I was always looking for somebody to give me love, somebody to give me acceptance, to achieve so that I could be accepted.
57:06
And what I actually truly think is what I was searching for from everyone else is what I was searching for from myself.
57:13
So a lot of people that are like I I I a lot of people I know are people pleasers.
57:19
They come to me, "Rob, I'm a people pleaser."
57:20
And it's like they'll change themselves to try to get love and acceptance from somebody else.
57:26
But that's just filling a you know, it's like a hungry ghost.
57:28
It just the food just goes through the ghost. It doesn't go anywhere.
57:31
And what we're actually searching for is what we're searching that that love and acceptance for ourself.
57:36
And um one of the biggest things that I think I've learned in probably the past 2 years is I was always trying to grow and change myself because there were aspects of myself that I didn't like and I I I resented.
57:52
And what I've changed it to in the past couple years is I'm going to love every aspect of myself.
57:58
So there's some parts of Rob that are beautiful, that are amazing, that love people, that want to connect.
58:05
There's there's some great parts of Rob.
58:07
There's some parts of Rob also that are very selfish, that are very judgmental, that are um a little bit short, not as present as he should be.
58:17
Instead of trying to change those and hate those, I've actually just tried to love them and realize that the selfish Rob that exists was some sort of thing that he that was a part of past conditioning that came up from needing to be selfish as a child for whatever it might have been, whatever reasons it might have been.
58:35
And I can love that side of me.
58:37
What I realized is that if I try to change it, it gets stronger.
58:43
If I love it and I accept it, it kind of chills out.
58:46
And it doesn't disappear.
58:48
Like I'm not like, yeah, these parts of me don't exist.
58:49
It's me looking like internal family systems is a is a therapy where you look at all parts of you and who you are and you try to figure out a way to understand how the entire orchestra works together.
59:00
You know, when I was when I was writing my book I was sitting there and I was I was going so hardcore.
59:06
Like you and I come from the world of creating viral videos.
59:12
I would spend so much time on every single line to make sure it was perfect, right?
59:17
Cuz I wanted to make sure like I've only got 30 seconds or a minute to get the the message to be as clear and concise as possible.
59:22
Let me try to make it as perfect as possible.
59:23
And And to do a lot of poetry and I do a lot of song writing when I was younger.
59:26
So, I was used to making every line as potent as I could.
59:29
As I was writing this book, I was like 16 rounds of edits in, editing every single piece of it.
59:34
And there was a part of me that said it said, "Why are you doing this?
59:37
Like, why are you doing this?"
59:40
And I was like, "I want to write a book that helps people and changes people's lives.
59:43
I want someone to not know what the Mindset Mentor podcast is, but they walk into a Barnes & Noble, they see this book, and they're like, 'Interesting. Let me read it. Let me pick it up.'"
59:49
And they read it, and it changes their life.
59:51
And then I played devil's advocate, and I said "But you also want it to be successful, don't you?
59:56
You also want it to be a New York Times best-seller.
59:59
So, you can have a little badge to put on yourself and say New York Times best-seller.
1:00:02
You want it to be this incredibly selling thing because you know if it takes off, you're going to make great money for a very long time if it's a perennial seller."
1:00:10
And I thought to myself, "Okay, can I use that ego excite of me to actually help me create a better book?" And I could.
1:00:18
And so, what I realized is instead of hating that aspect, it's like a tool in my tool belt.
1:00:21
When I need to bring that side of me out, I can bring out side of that side of me out and say, "You know what?
1:00:26
I'm going to create the best freaking book that I can, or the best podcast that I can, or the best reel that I can to try to impact people."
1:00:33
And so, it's not about like trying to force change on myself, it's about loving every aspect of myself, the quote-unquote good and bad, even though there is no good or bad, but every aspect of Rob.
1:00:43
And if I need to use it, I can bring it up and say, "Hey, Rob, I need this version of you right now, but I'm not going to fight it anymore." Yeah.
1:00:52
Yeah, in the monastery we'd always talk about how the word is uh anartha, which means unwanted thing that seems unwanted actually needs to be engaged.
1:01:02
Like, you need to engage it in the service of doing something higher really for it to be purified.
1:01:05
Like, you can't just cut it out.
1:01:07
You can't just get rid of it.
1:01:08
You can't just hate it to go away.
1:01:10
You can't just shame it away.
1:01:10
You can't just guilt it away.
1:01:13
It has to be engaged in a higher service, i. e.
1:01:15
, impacting others, helping others, improving your own life, improving the lives of others.
1:01:21
Because when it's engaged, then it becomes purified.
1:01:25
Because if you just ignore it, it will just stay there.
1:01:27
And if you try and push it away, it's going to push back and get stronger.
1:01:33
But if you engage and go, "Yeah, you know what?
1:01:34
I do have that in me, but I'm going to use that tendency to try and help this people help this person do this."
1:01:39
That's the only way that it starts to be purified.
1:01:41
And so, that that resonates very strongly. Great answer.
1:01:45
The other one I wanted to ask you was, "What's the lesson you have to learn the hard way?"
1:01:51
Yeah, I think the one that's been the most potent for a long time is you can't do it all on your own. Mhm.
1:01:55
Um for me, I don't think I was able to trust people for a very long time.
1:02:02
Um you know, I went to a therapist one time and he had said, "Yeah, you've been you've been neglected."
1:02:05
And I was like, "No, I haven't been neglected.
1:02:07
Like I I had food, water, shelter, clothing, all these things."
1:02:11
And he's like, "No, you were emotionally neglected from your father."
1:02:14
And and I was like, "Oh my god, I that really like rings true."
1:02:17
But what happened was I had developed this feeling over my lifetime of I've got to do it alone. I can't trust anybody.
1:02:23
No one else can do it for me.
1:02:25
You know, like there were times when my dad would even though he's a and he was an amazing person.
1:02:30
I always tell people like I was I'm so grateful that I had the father that I had.
1:02:32
Um he was he never beat me, he never yelled at me, he never touched me inappropriately.
1:02:38
He would just get drunk and fall asleep.
1:02:39
And when he fell asleep, he'd forget about me in a lot of different ways, right?
1:02:42
So, there was that neglect of like I might he would say, "Hey, I'm going to come pick you up and we're going to go fishing." Cuz I lived in Florida.
1:02:48
And I you know, I'd sit on the front porch for an hour, 2 hours with my fishing pole and he would just never show up, right?
1:02:53
And so, there were there were aspects of that and I think somewhere along the line I developed this feeling of like no one's going to help me.
1:03:02
I have to do it all on my own.
1:03:02
Which there's a piece of that which there is some truth, right?
1:03:05
Like I do have to sometimes step forward and be the person to do it.
1:03:10
But for the longest time I never understood the phrase no man is an island.
1:03:13
Cuz I was like, "I have done everything by myself."
1:03:16
And then I started looking around me and I was like, no, I haven't.
1:03:19
The universe has always been there giving me everything that I need and every person to help me in some sort of way and prove and get better.
1:03:27
And, you know, as everything's grown, the podcast has grown, my my company has grown, all this stuff, we have 30 people on the team.
1:03:33
Like, I can't do it on my own.
1:03:35
I can't help people on my own the way that I I wish that I could.
1:03:38
If I was I'm not 30 people.
1:03:40
I don't have 30 days, you know, that they can get done in we can get done in one day that I could get done in an entire month.
1:03:46
And so, what's been big for me is is trusting people to be able to help me.
1:03:54
And to be able to ask for help.
1:03:54
Whether that be in a business, but also like going to my wife and be like, "Hey, I'm really struggling right now.
1:04:01
Like, can you just talk to me for a few minutes?"
1:04:04
And knowing that she doesn't think like, "Oh, he's not man enough."
1:04:06
Which is a you know, fear that I had.
1:04:08
Like, "Oh, if I go to her with my problems, she's going to be like, he's not man enough."
1:04:13
But for her to be like, "Yeah, let me hold space for you. Let's talk it out."
1:04:15
And so, I think the biggest thing for me is like is learning that I can't do it all on my own.
1:04:19
It's okay to It's actually strength to ask for help.
1:04:23
It's strong to ask for help.
1:04:25
And um and that I need to be better at at asking for help when I do need it. Mm. That's a great one. That's a great one.
1:04:31
I can relate to it in so many ways and and yeah, it it strikes a chord for sure.
1:04:36
And I think so many of us, you know, both of those questions, think about it, you know, what's taken what's the lesson you learned the hard way and what's the lesson you wished you learned earlier. Yeah.
1:04:44
And write them down because you might forget it. Yeah.
1:04:49
And and you kind of fall back in that cycle often.
1:04:53
Rob, we end every On Purpose episode with a final five. Okay.
1:04:55
These questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. god. Okay. And so, I'm so wordy.
1:05:01
That's a that's a I'll do my best.
1:05:03
Rob, these are your final five.
1:05:05
The first question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?
1:05:08
I'll give you the I'll give you the sentence.
1:05:12
And if you want me to explain it, I can, but everything is your fault.
1:05:13
Yeah, you can explain it.
1:05:15
Everything is your fault comes back to like you are the CEO of your life.
1:05:19
I My very first mentor that I had I I paid $500 a month to have my first coach when I was 19, about to turn 20.
1:05:25
And we worked together for 2 years and we had some great calls.
1:05:28
I don't remember any of them. I remember one.
1:05:32
And what it was was I had made so many excuses as to why I was late to calls, why I didn't hit my assignments, why I didn't do what I needed to do.
1:05:39
And he had this really tough conversation with me and he said, "Rob, if a business succeeds, whose fault is it?"
1:05:45
And I was like, "I mean, what do you mean?"
1:05:46
He's like, "If a business succeeds, all 1,000 employees move into the direction they they have a successful year, whose fault is it?"
1:05:52
That the person who works there. I was like, "The CEO."
1:05:53
He said, "If a business fails, whose fault is it?" I said, "The CEO."
1:05:57
He said, "Rob, if you get to the end of your life and it's not what you wanted it to be and you didn't create the life that you wanted to, make the money that you wanted to, have the success, the love, the happiness, travel the places that you wanted to, whose fault would it be?"
1:06:08
And I said, "It'd be my fault."
1:06:09
And he said, "If you did create the life that you wanted to, had the love, the happiness, the abundance, everything that you wanted, whose fault would that be?"
1:06:16
And I said, "It'd be my fault."
1:06:17
And he said, "The problem with you is you're treating this treating this life as if you're the victim.
1:06:20
And what you need to realize that everything that happens to you is your fault and that your life won't change until you decide that you want to be the CEO of your life."
1:06:28
How do you know how that would have felt when you heard it at that point? Hurt? Yeah, exactly. With that mindset.
1:06:34
Like and I think a lot of people today would find that offensive.
1:06:37
They might get hurt by it.
1:06:39
They might What How did you transfer that energy to be like, "No, this is actually helpful. It's not hurtful."
1:06:46
Yeah, I mean, I was a little bit hurt, but there's I I felt truth.
1:06:53
I felt like, "Yeah, he's right."
1:06:53
Cuz in when I look at the path of where my life was going to go, had I continued to blame everybody else, it wasn't going to be good.
1:07:03
But when I looked at people who who I knew who took full ownership of their life, One of my my uh probably my first mentor without even it being on purpose was my uncle Dan who was an incredibly successful guy, um had a bunch of success, but also was incredibly giving, always so loving.
1:07:20
And he never blamed anybody else for when his business failed and he brought it back from from nothing and rebuilt it.
1:07:27
He never blamed anybody else.
1:07:27
He was always there for everyone else, but he always took everything as his responsibility.
1:07:35
And you know, it's like not everything that's happened to you in your life is your fault, but whatever it is that you have it is your responsibility to work through.
1:07:41
Will Smith also said this, right?
1:07:43
Where it's like I it's not my fault that my father was an alcoholic, but it's my responsibility to do with what I do with it because it's the reality that I have.
1:07:52
And I have to work through those things.
1:07:53
And so for me it was like it rang really true where I was like he I was like, "Okay, it's right.
1:07:56
And if my life is going to change, I have to be the person to change it."
1:08:00
And that's when it like clicked for me.
1:08:01
That conversation I could say is absolutely 100% the one conversation that changed my life completely. Mhm. Powerful.
1:08:11
Uh second question, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?
1:08:15
Fit in with everybody else. Mhm. Good.
1:08:18
Uh question number three, what is your most repeated thought?
1:08:23
As of recently is I'm proud of you. Mhm.
1:08:27
I try to tell myself that every single day.
1:08:29
My mom told me that a lot as a kid.
1:08:30
I'm trying to repeat it to myself. Mhm. I love that. That's a great one.
1:08:35
Uh question number four, the number one habit that changed your life.
1:08:40
Like a daily habit, like something that you practice.
1:08:45
Meditation and breath work. Mhm.
1:08:48
Sp- finding space for myself. Love it.
1:08:50
Uh fifth and final question, if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
1:08:58
All right, you take your time.
1:09:00
Uh one law that everybody in the world has to follow to take 5 minutes every single day to practice self-awareness.
1:09:11
I think that every problem in this world could be solved if people were more self-aware.
1:09:15
I think that that all of our problems come from lack of self-awareness.
1:09:19
self-awareness. And if people were more aware of our actions, you know, if politicians were more aware of their actions and how it's affecting the entire world, and if parents were aware of how their actions are affecting their
1:09:32
children, and as you know, a son, if I'm aware of how my actions are uh, affecting my mom, my sister, my wife, everybody around me, if we could take 5 minutes to practice being more self-aware, I think that the entire world would be better. I love that. Rob Dial, everyone. The I love that. Rob Dial, everyone.
1:09:46
The book is called Level Up.
1:09:48
How to get focused, stop procrastinating, and upgrade your life.
1:09:53
If you don't have a copy, go and grab it.
1:09:54
Already, you'll be able to see my testimonial on it.
1:09:58
You're the You're the top on there.
1:10:00
Make sure you go and grab a copy, and tag me and Rob on Instagram, on X, on TikTok with what resonated with you, what connected with you.
1:10:07
I love seeing, and I want Rob to see as well what you're practicing, what you're trying to put into action in your life, and I can't wait for you to level up.
1:10:15
Rob, thank you again Thank you, man.
1:10:17
uh, for coming on and opening your heart and being so vulnerable, and at the same time giving so many practical insights of how people can move from where they are to where they really want to be, and even deeper.
1:10:28
So, thank you so much, man. I appreciate Yeah.
1:10:30
Well, thank thank you, Jay.
1:10:30
Like, I've I've known you for 7 years now, and you're an inspiration for like doing good in the world.
1:10:35
And and I I can see that the actions that you take are from your heart and from a place of purpose, and it's inspiring for me to always see that. Thank you, man. I appreciate you. Of course. Thank you.
1:10:44
If you loved this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr.
1:10:48
Gabor Maté on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional wounds to start moving on from the past.
1:10:57
Everything in nature grows only where it's vulnerable.
1:10:58
So, a tree doesn't grow where it's hard and thick, does it?
1:11:00
It grows where it's soft and green and vulnerable.