and I tried out for the Victoria Secret fashion show I wanted to try out and I wanted to do this so I went and I auditioned for it and when I booked it I was shocked she's made a huge Splash in the fashion industry Victoria Secret Angel Taylor Hill let's talk about the
grief of losing a friend I'm looking at him and I'm asking him like if you if you need to go like please let me know like I will let you go hey everyone I've got some huge news to share with you in the last 90 days 79.4% of our audience came from viewers
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absolute world to me and help us make better better bigger brighter content for you in the world subscribe right now the number one Health and Wellness podcast Jett J shett the one the only Jett what would you say is your earliest childhood memory that you feel has
defined who you are today my first memory ever is my I think it was my third birthday party I so I was born in Chicago and I lived there until I was was probably about 5 years old and then I moved to Colorado and that's like my home and where I am from in my head cuz
I don't really remember Chicago but I remember being in our backyard there and we had this little red house and it was my birthday party and all of the kids in our neighborhood were over and we were having a party and I had a pink Barbie cake and I specifically
remember the candle was Barbie like it was a very intricate candle and everyone's singing happy birthday and then I'm supposed to blow up the candles and then my friend he blew the candles out before I could and I got so upset and I was very emotional and I was like
kind of crying and I got so mad and I was like why would you do that oh my gosh like I was supposed to do that and then my mom's like it's okay we can you know we'll light the candle again and then you can blow out the candle and I was like well it's not the same he took
my wish like I was heartbroken and I think if that says anything about me it's just that I'm I'm very emotional and I I just sometimes when people do things that aren't so nice to others I sometimes don't understand I'm like why why did you do that so that's
one of my very first first memories um but I think something that kind of helped like maybe Define who I was when from a child I would say um is Sports um I I was um a gymnast from I from when I was nine I did ballet from when I was six and then I grew up snowboarding and
um I think for me being athletic and being active really help shape who I am because um I've been you know I've been modeling for 14 years I was scouted at 14 and I love my job and I love working and I I have such a passion and a drive
for it and I think I have such a drive because of being in sports my whole life and honestly being a gymnast not a not a very good gymnast but I loved it I had so much fun doing it even though I wasn't my mom was like this girl a she's not going to the Olympics that was
understood but you know she encouraged me to do it anyway and she knew I had fun and you know it gives you sort of this sense of structure and you know healthy competition is always a little bit nice and um I love the of gymnastics because it's very um demanding in a
sense and it challenges you to always be better you know the sort of motto of gymnastics or what um my uh perception of it was from doing is you know strive to be better strive for Perfection Perfect 10 all that stuff you'll never get there you'll never well some people
do but I I was never going to be a perfect 10 let's be honest um but you know having the drive to like always do better always you know perfect this trick perfect that flip do do this do that and you know push myself it was and and push myself in something I enjoyed
doing um kind of gave me the I have a similar head space and my modeling career just because I love doing it and I I love my job and I just want to like I just want to keep doing it you know so I I think that's two things about me yeah those are great answers are you do
you still know the person who blew that candle out I do yes I do I I hadn't seen I haven't seen him in forever but I did go back home to my where I was born a couple times like throughout my childhood my my god parents and my my mom and dad's best friends um they still
lived there and their children were our uh childhood best friends so we would spend Summers together and everything and um some Summers I would go back to uh Chicago and like see them and all that and see the kids in the neighborhood so I did see this boy
multiple times and he was a really good friend it was very innocent you know we were only maybe 3 years old so he didn't know was doing either but I just didn't understand I was like does he realize now what a big moment he probably doesn't even remember that he did that
but I do yeah and he he probably doesn't even know I'm talking about him but I'm not going to say his name but we know well how was that like when the Bobby movie came out was that like has Barbie always remained an idol in your life since that day or not really you know I
loved I loved Barbie I have um two sisters and I I actually have three siblings so I have an older sister a younger sister and a younger brother and we're all very close in and age we're all about you know roughly one year apart from each other so growing up we
loved playing dress up we loved Barbie we loved toys we loved you know Polly Pockets we loved little My Little Pet Shop you know we had all of those things we loved all of that um and I loved the Barbie movie I thought it was great and I thought it was really profound and it
touched on a lot of things and a really interesting and kind of a light-hearted way so yeah I had a I had a childhood connection to Barbie for sure so I loved her and then when the candle was blown out I was I was like how could you do
that to me I can see it still affects you tell day still that here what was it like you you said of course you got scouted at 14 what was it like you have siblings I'm assuming they weren't all working at 14 and so when you start working at 14 which is a very young age
first of all what does working at 14 as a model look like like what are the hours what are the commitments do you drop out of school and then how do your siblings react to it how do your parents react to it like what does it look like because I feel yeah they're they're not
working they're not getting paid they're not traveling yeah it was interesting I mean so my mom uh was a hairdresser so she worked in a salon and cut hair and uh you know after having all four of us she obviously was like I can't stand on
my feet all day and take care of four young children under the age of five so we're not going to do that anymore and she became stay-at home mother with which um I'm I'm so grateful to have had my mom and that's a that's a job it's work and she was amazing at it and you
know when I was scouted and I started traveling and you know working as a model it it meant that you know I went to New York I signed with IMG when I was 14 and from there I went everywhere you know I I traveled the world at you know 14 years old and my mom came with me
everywhere I went you know I did Paris fashion weeks I did New York Fashion Week I went to Australia and I lived there for a month or two you know Milan all those places and she came with me everywhere and um I definitely wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for my mom
and her support and I know it was a difficult thing for even her to navigate she had three other children at home and you know we were all trying to figure out how we were going to do this um my grandpa was a huge help he you know would come with me places as well and he
would live with me places he lived with me in LA for a bit he traveled with me and then when my older sister was 18 she would travel with me and she would live with me which wasn't much help she was 18 and I was 17 so you can imagine how
fun that was for us to do but you know my mom always wanted to make sure I had somebody with me who was just like another set of eyes making sure I was good and I you know I I could take care of myself and she made sure to teach me how to you know read signs in an airport
and this is what this means this is how you get to your gate and this is what you how you do this and you know don't take a car ride from a stranger you know so um she was really really good at making sure I was able to do all of that
um and then my siblings you know I think it was really we we just didn't know you know you don't know what you don't know and I think we didn't really know any better better and it was like oh well this is Taylor's doing this so this is what she does now um and they were you
know nothing changed I think for them cuz they didn't never see me differently they were just like well Taylor goes to work instead of goes to school so whatever you know and I think because we were all a similar age they did have an understanding of what I was doing you
know it's not like they were you know really young and didn't get it or much older than me and didn't understand why I didn't want to go to school or didn't go back to college and stuff they were kind of you know accepting of it and my older sister now is a photographer and a
content creator herself so she really got it you know she gets it and she she saw what I wanted to do and you know that I loved what I was doing so she was really helpful and supportive of that so yeah it was it was definitely interesting I look back on it and I'm
like oh wow how did we do that I don't know we just kind of did it you know um at the time was it exciting or was it scary or what parts were exciting and what parts were scary I was really excited just because I I wasn't very good at school and I didn't love being
in school I was really um distracted daydreaming kind of didn't pay attention very well I didn't learn things very easily not very good at math um and I remember the first time being on a set and feeling so excited because I was like oh my God I can do
this instead and once I started booking more and more jobs and school became more and more difficult to keep up with you know we looked into so many different options like did do homeschooling for a little bit and ultimately that was still really
difficult based off of how much I was working because you know you have to put in at least 5 to six hours a day even on online school you know because you have to commit an hour or so for each class I was in different time zones getting
one-on-one time with my teachers to explain something to me was very difficult um so you know I tried to go back to regular high school but you know in Colorado they don't have these child entertainment laws like they do in California there was no structure for me
to be able to do both so ultimately I dropped out of high school and I got my GED instead and I just I left school totally at 15 and started full-time modeling at 15 and to me it was really exciting cuz I felt like I all I would think about while I was in school was I
can't wait to get out of here uh stay in school you know what I mean don't do what I do no I'm just kidding um I do value school I think education is really important but I do think that it's not always for everyone and people learn differently and I feel like I went
to sort of a school of life I guess you could say I kind of learned by doing and by seeing the world so I have a different education than what Academia maybe teaches you so um I am grateful that I got to experience some school obviously like and a normal childhood to
an extent until about 15 but I'm grateful I started I left and I was done and doing what I was doing by 15 I felt like okay this is it this is what I'm supposed to be doing so I was just ecstatic I was just I was where I was meant to be you know yeah yeah it's
amazing hearing your passion and drive like after all these years you said you've been modeling for 14 years and I can feel like it's still this energizing feeling what was that transition like from that to becoming a Victoria Secret model like what is that Journey like
like what is that Arc like like how hard is it to move from Paris fashion week and New York Fashion Week and doing runways and then going to actually be a Victoria Secret model at the time it was really interesting because you know at that time Victoria's Secret was the end
all be all you know what I mean it was not to everyone but to a lot of models it was oh my gosh you know the Victoria Secret fashion show it gave you more of a mainstream name I guess you were more I guess in the the stream the the pulse
of Pop Culture I guess if you were a Victoria Secret model some of the most famous models in the world were Victoria Secret models you know you know jaelle bnin is like one of my favorites and I love her and look up to her she's why I went to IMG because I was like jelle is
that IMG at the time she was I don't think she still is but when I signed with them she was still with them so I was like I want to be where she is and Carly Claus is with IMG and I wanted to be where she was so um I I just I feel like when I went from doing you know
fashion and um more commercial Brands like I did shoot a lot of for for H&M and Forever 21 and some like some of these younger maybe fashion lines that were more for you know teenagers like myself so I did work a lot with Brands like that and then kind of when I turned 18 I was
switching into more of you know adult modeling which is so crazy cuz I was still so young 18 years old um and I tried out for the Victoria Secret fashion show just because you know cuz why not everybody wants to do it I wanted to try out and I wanted to do
this so I went and I auditioned for it and when I booked it I was shocked because I really didn't think that I would get it on the first time and the on the first audition because so many people go back multiple multiple multiple times but probably because I'd
had you know a fashion career and had been on runways since I was 14 I was able to sort of be in the room and kind of maybe know a little bit more about what was happening whereas I feel like some girls start modeling at 18 16 18 you know so they're still new and newer
and I even though I was still really young I had been working for 4 years so um I I felt ready for it and I was excited for it and when I booked it I was shocked and I I I was like I can't believe I'm here right now no way this is happening I what so that was really
scary was scary thing was booking it I was like oh oh God okay all right this is happening um but it was an amazing thing for my career and I'm really grateful for it and I'm grateful you know that I got to do that because I I I wouldn't be sitting here if I hadn't you
know so I'm I'm grateful for it for sure I keep saying that but I am no I believe it how many steps was that audition process like what does that look like in terms of getting there it's well and what is it like like what are you doing
I mean it was like 10 years ago now so I have to try and remember what I did but I'm pretty sure what happened was I so I knew the casting director who was casting for the Victoria Secret fashion show he was casting some of the other shows that I'd walked in before like
Michael Kors and you know a couple of the other New York shows as well as shows in in Milan and Paris so I was familiar with him and for the Victoria Secret fashion show you go to a pre-c casting with him and his casting team and you know you do the walk they record
you they film you they ask you questions where are you from how old are you what agency are you with so it's just a little bit of your personality or the way you talk on on video and then they take your picture and then I guess they probably take it back to the Victoria
Secret internal casting team that also does Show casting cuz when you get into the main room at the Victoria Secret headquarters there's five or six people at a table in front of you and then five or six people behind them sitting in chairs and they all have notepads and
you know there's a big camera and they're filming you and um you know you do the whole like walk thing and they ask you to do it again do that so I did a pre-c casting with the casting director directly and then I went back in for a call back which was the main
casting so they had probably seen my tape and seen my pre-c casting video and thought okay let's request her for our main casting so I went into that and then you know sometimes there's another one and there's another call back and you know another casting you have to do
but I was working in La so I went to my casting and got on a flight and landed in LA and got a call that I booked the Victoria Secret fashion show so that's what I did that's how happened to me useful to know I I feel like we it's it's like we need a picture in right
like because if you've never done it you just don't know what the process looks like and you mentioned something that I've heard a lot of models talk about how they went from like teen modeling to adult modeling and also when you're still a teen and like how was that
process for you because I've heard other people describe it as like it was uncomfortable where certain poses or certain clothes or whatever it was like I've never worn something like this or did you feel that or was it not like that for you was it just kind of like
you enjoyed it it was fun no I didn't I didn't feel like that because I I was just happy to be there I was like I'm just happy to be here also I love it like I love I loved playing dress up when I was a kid and i' do it for a living so like how can I not be just
having the best time ever you know trying on all these clothes doing all these things also I did dance wasn't very good at it but I loved it and I loved dancing and I loved gymnastics and I love moving and you know if you're on the right set and you have the right
team around you and you know a lot of the the Victoria Secret team from that time I've known them for a really long time and I have worked with a lot of the photographers in the past and you know it felt like a safe space and my memory and my interpretation of that
environment was that I was safe so I felt comfortable and I was just like oh this is what we're doing now and um I I had the best time doing it so for me I I never felt afraid to do anything so I just was so excited I guess or maybe I was just young and was like whoa I don't
know maybe bit of both you know so I I don't I don't know no I love I love I never felt I never I know some people do feel that and that's some I have felt like that for sure definitely but not maybe not in those instances and maybe not at that time just because a
combination of you know excitement you know youth never having that experience before being excited to be there so it kind of wiped away the fear a little bit maybe I was a little delusional and kind of was like wa this is so cool you know
it's like rose-colored glasses a little bit but I've I've been in some scenarios where I'm like n maybe not so you know yeah no I I I think I mean I love hearing that I think for me I mean I moved to LA much later uh in life but even for me like as soon as I came to
the United States to me being in the US is like living in a movie because we grew up watching American television in London Y and so when I first landed in New York I I visited maybe once or twice in my teens with family but I remember moving and like even when I saw like a
yellow school bus or I saw like a cop car or NYPD or whatever like to me it's like I've only ever seen that in a TV show or a movie and so it's really fascinating and then you see the Empire State and then when I moved to LA it was the same thing it was wait a minute even
now when I'm driving down the streets and there's palm trees on either side I'm like I'm on vacation because yeah in my head like that's such a it's such a alien experience having grown up in London that you know living in La so I kind of have some of that youthful
enthusiasm around some of these things too because it reminds me of a time when I used to watch TV religiously and and what I grew up on so I I can resonate with that feeling whereas someone will always be like oh don't you think La is like this or New York's like this I'm
like to me it just reminds me of what I saw in the movies like wow I can't believe I get to be here yeah exactly I can't believe I never imagined in a million years that my life would look this way and so I'm just taking it all in as opposed to seeing gaps and holes
in it or whatever else it may be yeah there's days where I see gaps and holes but my overarching goal and perspective is to be I'm in awe you know and I'm still in awe and I can't believe I'm even sitting here right now like this is crazy so you
know it's just I definitely that's just I think my natural sort of energy and where I sit with things is just w I'm here whoa how'd I get here and you know like all humans do every day is different so there's definitely times where I'm just like oh whoa this is you
know I don't like this I don't like this feeling or what's happening here and what's going on there so there's definitely both like I I don't want you know the perception of me to feel like she just whatever she has no idea what's going on she's in a bubble like and I'm
just no I just feel I just feel grateful and I think the most important emotion for me to feel daily is is is gratitude so just I try to remind myself where I'm at and where I came from and just be grateful to be here so that's the my
genuine consensus on things yeah you obviously have a hard work ethic and a drive which is what you were talking about with sports and that discipline walk us through the discipline of being a Victoria Secret model like the diet the workout the plan the day like the
hour what does that look like because I think often you again that's another thing you don't ever see so you don't really know yeah it's so when I first started doing Victoria's Secret I was very young and I was very lucky because I didn't have to work out that hard and
I you know didn't have to diee it because I was 18 and you know 6 feet tall so you know you can imagine how um lucky I was in terms of that sort of stuff but then obviously as I was starting to grow up and mature as a woman in that Arena I I did have to
start working out you know there was an air there was a time where I was like okay well if I want to be in the best shape of my life for this one really important day then I'm going to take it I'm going to step it up a notch so there was some preparation probably when I was
like 21 to 22 I started you know amping it up in terms of like the exercise and diet and stuff like that when we we were training for the show but you know there was such a sometimes there's such a negative connotation in terms of talking about those things um because I think a
lot of people have maybe an healthy perspective of it because Victoria Secret wasn't inclusive and it wasn't a welcome space for everybody you know it was welcome for you know women who were 6 feet tall and naturally slim and you know and then they were really fit on
top of that so if you're an outsider looking in it looks like a really well not everybody looks like that and I don't see myself there yeah fair enough like sometimes even I didn't see myself there you know so I had to train hard to get there um but you know I always Tred
to be um as healthy as I could with it and you know keep a positive outlook on it for me personally in my journey and like how I went about training for the Victoria Secret fashion show I sort of looked at it like maybe an athlete would I'm not an athlete obviously but you
know the level of training that I would do and the the diets I would be on if a footballer came in and you know started talking about his diet people would accept it I think because he is an athlete um but you know if I come in and say how
I was working out and what I was eating because I'm a six tall naturally slim woman I think it could be you know taken negatively and misconstrued but I just want to assure people that you know I did do it healthy like I was very healthy when I was doing it this is my
natural physique I know that everybody doesn't look like this and not everybody can relate to that and that's I I I hear you and I see you and I hope you you know don't take anything that I say and misinterpret it and say like to look
like her I have to do this no don't do that you know do what you need to do and for you and your body um and when I was training for that I I did what I needed to do for my body so I can get into that um I I did a lot of like hit cardio training so I had a personal trainer
who's amazing um Christina she's she's near and dear to my heart she's so intelligent she has you know a nutrition background as well so she was making sure that I was eating eting the amount of food I should be eating for the exercise that I was doing um and so we
sort of did like a mix of things it was weightlifting I I love weightlifting it's really fun I also I'm a crazy person like I love exercise I love Fitness I like working out it's like it's really it's good for my mental health when I work out I work out
because I want to do it for my mind not for how my body looks um so but for the Victoria Secret fashion show obviously I was training for a reason so I I did care about you know muscle definition and all that fun stuff um so we did like you know weight training weightlifting
um you know it would be like interval like we would you know Sprint on a treadmill and then hold a plank kind of stuff like that and I really liked that type of workout because it was it was you know high energy and going from one thing to the next thing and it was
challenging and it kind of sort of reminded me of maybe my gymnastics background and the sports I done before where they're a little bit more Dynamic and you're moving around a lot um and then you know for diet I would eat pretty healthy just um I would eat like
I would make sure I was gluten-free though just because I think sometimes gluten can respond in your body in a negative way so some I know some people are gluten-free around the vs show be gluten-free for about a month no alcohol for about a month and a half or so up
leading up to the show day just because alcohol is never going to help you if you're trying to like you know gain muscle weight so that was my sort of goal was muscle not never managing or washing my weight um it was more just about you know making sure I was eating
lean proteins I had like protein shakes in the morning I would have a gluten-free bagel I would have eggs vegetables I ate chicken breast I ate sweet potato I ate sushi rice fish I ate all kinds of things like that and making sure that it was enough based off of
what the kind of exercise I was doing so the trainer that would work with me on my fitness routine she also worked with me on the food I was consuming hey you need to make sure you're consuming before you see me you need to eat this amount and then we come and we're going
to work out and we're going to do this and then you go home and you have this protein shake so we know you're getting the right nutrients that you need to fuel your body so yeah hopefully very yeah that was very in depth I love it yeah no and I asked Taylor I genuinely
asked because I I do think it's an interesting thing around the discipline and that's why I asked it from that perspective because to me the discipline the work ethic the you know the focus and and I'm so happy that it was a healthy Journey for you and I think
we're taking into account the fact that it may not be a healthy Journey for everyone and we recognized that that it can cause challenges for others yeah and I mean I know that time too it was difficult for so many for women watching
and I know like the expectation that was put on women to look look a certain way to I never want to feel like maybe I was a part of it and perpetuating that just because of the way it was being presented maybe that I was just a like I was just happy to be there again I'm
just like w I'm so excited I get to be here um but I know what it meant to to society I know what it what people perceived it as for sure so I do take that into account and I know it's it's a lot and I hope people are can maybe listen to to me in my perspective and
know like I was trying to be I was really healthy in the way that I was trying to do this and go about this and I never want to like perpetuate that somebody should do something or you know work out a certain way to to look like a Victoria Secret model because you know
it's that's not fair and not everybody looks like needs to look like that that's not what's beautiful you know beauty is so much more than what people were trying to make us believe it was at that time so just wanted to put that out there no I'm glad you clarified that I
actually think you made a really interesting point though I think what's interesting for example like I love watching basketball I am I have nowhere near the physique of any basketball player on the planet there's no one my size who plays basketball in height
physique whatever else it may be and if you saw I don't play basketball but if I was to try and play basketball when I was younger I was great a three-pointer because I didn't need to like beat anyone or whatever but it's I would never be expected to do what
someone does on the court it's really interesting how the industry is then projected onto people thinking they have to be that whereas I can watch basketball knowing I never have to be there and I think that's the part which is so interesting that it's almost like
a interesting pressure that if it becomes about beauty yeah it it sets an unfair standard but if it's about sports like you just said in one sense you were training yourself like an athlete but we know we I know I can't be Tom Brady or I
know I can't be LeBron James me neither yeah yeah and and I'm okay I also can't be Adriana Lima and because that woman was amazing and Jazelle I mean they they trained so much harder than even me I I did my best but but you know I I I did what I knew I was comfortable and able
and capable of doing but they are them and they're their own person and they trained in their own way and I did it my way too so yeah no no no and and I hope uh anyone who's listening like the reason why I wanted to open up that conversation is because it's also
interesting to hear from someone who just loves what they do is excited about it and then naturally there's this bigger thing going on uh in society and culture and Industry and it's like you might just be doing your thing and not know at a time when you know you don't
realize it how did you feel about when it stopped and now of course we know it's coming back the plan is to be more inclusive I'm really glad that it's coming back in a different way and from a different lens and a different perspective because I think you know I'm
I'm so happy I still work with Victoria Secret and I'm you know been a part of the brand for 10 years and I've seen the shift that they've made and the changes that they're trying to make and it's to me it's a little relaxing you know a bit of
a breath of fresh air because now I am at a different phase in my life where you know maybe I don't want to work out like that anymore you know know what I mean when I was younger and you know it was exciting to do so then sure I could definitely I was let's do this but you
know 10 years later and also I haven't done that show in how many years now how long has it been since the last one you know so five years maybe maybe four maybe more I don't know um you know I I I feel when it comes back I I'm excited that it's going to be so so different
but also I I hope that we can still maintain some of the the fun some of the glamour some of the beauty because I think reclaiming it for ourselves as women is really important because you know if you want to feel sexy and you want to be sexy I don't think there's
anything wrong with that but you want to do it for yourself not for in not for the objectification of what men want you know so and I think that's the difference now and I think you know that's definitely the goal with the Victoria Secret fashion show
coming back is to make sure that women are doing it you know we're comfortable they ask me you know what Wings would you want to wear and are you excited about doing this and you know what do you want to see when the show comes back and I really appreciate that you know I
value that they're asking how I feel and you know what I would like to see as a woman doing it as a woman who's done it before and you know will'll probably do it again so um I'm just I'm excited that it's going to be very different and I
hope that it can be perceived in a way that's you know not setting an unrealistic Beauty standard because that's what it 100% what it was and you know maybe I was maybe some of that like expectation was put on me but I didn't realize it at the time because I was so
young you know I didn't you don't again you don't know what you don't know and now that I'm 28 you know 10 years later from my first show if I look back on my first show it's kind of like I'm sure so many women who were at that show felt such an intense pressure to look a
certain way and work out a certain way and that's probably why some people had an unhealthy relationship with it and maybe just the timing of my age and where I was at and where my heads space was at I got really lucky that I didn't feel any of those things but that
doesn't mean it still wasn't happening for other people and that doesn't mean that it didn't make Society or other women watching it feel that way so like you know I just I hope that well said yeah there's definitely both they both sit with sit with me so yeah everyone
who's listening or watching I can definitely I I definitely hear what you're saying and and I can see how much of a it's such a complicated complex layered topic when it's personal but Collective and it's hard to kind of verbalize and talk about something
because it is very complex so how do I put that into words but I I I do see both and and they it's weird two things can be true at the same time you know what I mean sometimes emotions are parallel and they're really just happening one's happening here and one
it's also happening and you're going on the same path and you're going to the same place and you're feeling two different things at the exact same time so I I look back on it and I have new emotions that sit alongside the old ones
and the joy and like the wow that I felt there but then I can see how everything happened and I can see the heaviness and I can understand like I see where Maybe by me talking so positively about it makes other people feel a negative way like I I would never want to make
somebody feel like that so I have to acknowledge that and be like okay I I know I see now like we've we were in like we were the early 2000s we were in this bubble of this thing and it popped and now we can see clearly and I see it so I get it but you know also if I'm
going to talk about my personal experience while I was in it it was I did have a great time and I I personally went about it and what I feel like was as healthy as I could possibly be like trust me I was eating I was working out I was doing I was doing all the things
like I should be doing to make sure that I'm not you know being unhealthy and having a a negative thing that was happening in my mind and my body so well I really appreciate that kind of the way you've presented that because I think
there's so much truth to it and I think if anything it helps us become more aware of hey let's try and be aware of bubbles but by the nature of a bubble you're not aware of it until it pops and so when it pops then we all become aware of it and then all of a sudden so it's
almost like we've got to give we've got to give ourselves Grace we've got to give others Grace we've got to give everyone time and space to kind of understand and grow and Rise together yeah because and and this doesn't just apply to the beauty industry or the
modeling industry this applies to so many Industries across the world where I think there's a need for Collective Grace on both sides and then and then Rising together and and I love and I completely agree with you I think you're allowed to have your own experience I I
almost think about it sometimes to do with entrepreneurship too like a lot of people will be like entrepreneurship is really tough it's really hard work and there's the hustle culture of you have to work 18 hours a day and you have to do this and you have to do that and I
always say to people like if I'm completely honest for the first two years of my career three years of my career I did work 18 hours a day and I'm really happy I did like it was amazing and I'm really grateful and yes some parts of it were unhealthy but it it
allowed me to get to where I wanted to get to in order to put things in place to be more healthy and that's my personal experience of it and that's not right or wrong or the best way or the worst way it's just how it's worked for me uh and and you could look at that and
be like oh well 18 hours is a hustle culture and there's no balance and I'm like but it's it's each of us have got to find what's comfortable and natural for us and you're allowed to have your own experience and also recognize that there's negatives within it yeah cuz you
you know you working those 18 hour days and when you realize well maybe I shouldn't be doing that or you have maybe this realization of maybe I should have more balance in my life maybe I should do this oh okay like then you can maybe fix it and grow from it and change and not do
that anymore but doesn't mean that when you were doing it you were you know having a terrible time maybe you were having fun and you were just excited that you get to do this work and all that stuff and then you can look back on and be like w I was actually some more
overwhelmed than I thought I was oh okay like that's I that's what that was cuz sometimes you feel these things and some new emotions that you've never felt before and you can't pinpoint what it is exactly until you hear somebody say it or there's a new topic of discussion
where people are like do you guys ever feel this and then you're like I do feel that what is that and then you discover oh it's burnout like oh see I there was never a word for it before that's what that is so it's just like acknowledging
and and recognizing something and then being like okay well we're not going to do that anymore but I did do it so you know we're not going to do that yeah it's so true I mean I I think about that when I was young I used to have certain
um physical Sensations or experiences in my in my heart space in my chest space and I would go to the doctors I would tell my mom and we'd go get checked out the doctors had no clue they were like you're absolutely fine yeah and now I look back I'm like oh I had anxiety oh I
had panic attacks I had no idea and no one in my no one ever used that language I saw multiple doctors no one ever said it to me Y and so I just moved on with life and got on with it and became better at dealing with it and now I look back and I'm like oh now there's a word
for it and now we can label it and talk about it but I didn't know then and there's been definitely times in my life where I've been in denial that I've been in stress or a burnout and then I look back and I'm like oh now I can notice it but at that time I just needed to push
through or whatever it may be but I mean talking about this and talking about relate relevant emotional experiences uh I was talking about my friend earlier and you were talking to me about the experience you went through you shared this on social media you
talked about the loss of Tate and the grief you've experienced which is What's led to tat and Taylor which is this incredible new platform and Company that's supporting so many people walk I want to talk about what you've built and the passion and the purpose behind it
but let's talk about the grief of losing a friend uh because that's really what this is a really dear friend uh walk me through those nine years and and the amazing relationship you built with Tate yeah Tate Oh My Angel um I got Tate when I was 18 so it was really kind of
in the mix of all the My Life Changing you know I I booked the Victoria Secret fashion show not very long after I I tap came into my life and we went we walked through life together for 9 years and he was my best friend and oh gosh it's so hard to put it into
words because it's um it's so it's such a unique thing to have a deep relationship with an animal and it sounds I hope I don't sound crazy I'm going to sound a little crazy but like I just feel like the love that you know dogs and animals in general have
for humans is so unconditional you know and they have no judgment they don't want anything from you but your love back and it's so pure and it's so innocent it's almost childlike in a way you know when I I I can only imagine you know when you hold
a newborn baby for the first time that immediate connection that you feel to this thing that can't even talk yet and is just a part of you it's um it's really special to have such a a deep connection to something that literally wants nothing from you except for also
the like unconditional love so to have tap come into my life at that time was so special just because so much was changing you know I was growing up I was you know becoming a young woman from a girl to a woman and he was there for that and you know I was traveling all
the time and I was away from family and I just had this little tiny innocent soul with me that just always looked at me like you're the best and I love you and Tate taught me so much I mean he taught me you know responsibility caring for something other than myself you know
taking care of him you know pouring love into him and making sure that he was good and you know even well behaved and training him and doing all those things is is showing him an act of love and making sure that he's a confident comfortable dog he he could be in any
scenario and he was the best boy and I think he also kind of knew that I was just kind of out there winging it a bit and he was like oh God this girl this girl has no idea what she's doing so I'm going to have to be a good boy now and he just I really sometimes feel like he
did teach himself um how to just be everywhere with me all the time and I think that he was meant for me and he was meant to be in my life and I think that we were sort of made to for each other and we belonged to each other um and you know he was he was
so it sounds crazy to say this about a dog but he was so emotional like his eyes were so human he could look at me and I knew what he was saying or what he was thinking or I felt that could feel what I was thinking or what I was feeling and I definitely think that he
also taught me a lot about you know emotion and you know being you know what's that saying you know be the person your dog thinks you are they think you're great you know they're like I love you no matter what yes Mom yes so that's the energy they
give you right is like you're the best and it's just like am I the best but to housing you know this little creature just look at you and think you're the best it kind of makes you want to be the best right you know constantly trying to grow and be better and change and you
know nobody's perfect and no one will ever be perfect and we're always learning and we're always growing and um we're always changing but having something to do that for and having some someone to do that with is is really is it's different you know like it's more
intentional right so trying to be better because Tate thinks I'm the best is it's a different motivation so he definitely um was there for me through you know so much of my life and so much of my life changing I think from you know 18 to 27 are pretty
formative years I don't I'm not a doctor but I someone told me once that your brain stops developing a 25 or something so you know he was there oh sorry I hit the mic I talk with my hands um he was there he was there from when I had a undeveloped brain to a developed brain
you know he kind of just saw me through and he was he was just the best I mean the love of my life I mean my soulmate really because he just knew you know and I've never had a connection with any anyone like that that I've had with Tate so um
I'm just I'm really grateful that he was in my life he's the inspiration behind me even wanting to start a pet company just because I love him so much and I know other people have felt that before people who've had you know what I like to call a soul dog they know what I'm
talking about you know they know that feeling and when I share that I lost tape people who who' you know been on my journey with me and been maybe following me for a bit know the day I got him and maybe saw saw him on my Instagram all the time I mean he was probably in every
single picture on my Instagram for nine years so I feel like people felt like they knew him and when I said when I you know shared that he was sick and then when I ultimately shared that he had passed the overwhelming amount of support and you know messages that I got
and also shared experiences that I received from I lost my soul dog 10 years ago and I still think about them every single day it made me feel it made me feel less alone and less maybe kind of strange for feeling this way about a dog because I you know you both you get
I got amazing overwhelming comments that were just overwhelmingly positive I mean just I you know I know what you've what you're going through I went through this you know just remember he's always with you you know I got messages like that
that touched me so deeply and positively and I just felt so grateful that I got those messages but then of course you get the flip side where people don't understand they're like oh it's a dog what's the big deal you know oh it's a dog move on oh um never move on from
Tate's death my grief will change for sure um my perspective of his death will change um and it and it has even since I lost him you know I it's it's devastating and it's heartbreaking and you know to anyone who's felt that I know that feels like and don't let
anybody rush you you know some people don't understand that it's just because this is a dog and you know not a person it doesn't mean that they don't deserve the same amount of time and space and energy you would give to grieving anything else so I
would just say you know take your time and you're not alone and it's it's a not a fun thing to go through at all so um I think I'll always mate you know I don't see how I can't you know and I think to say to to get over something is such a harsh way of saying it because
I'll probably never get over it I'll never really get over losing Tate I can heal from it and I can find you know peace with it but those are two completely different things getting over it you can't how do you get over that you know it does it's not something that
it's not a object in my way it's he's a part of me and he's no longer here so yeah I definitely think um losing a pet is is tough and you know losing one that you have such a deep strong connection with that's been with you for so many things with no expectation from
you other than just they want to be there with you is that's a tough loss and a tough thing to to um work through so thank you for sharing that I mean I like I was saying to you I've had two friends recently who've both lost pets that they were dogs that they were close
to for many many years and I've been talking to them and when this opportunity came up to talk to you I was thinking about you and then thinking about them and I can't wait to share this conversation with them because it's I I don't think there's anyone who has a
pet that they're deeply close to that sees it as a loss that's different of any kind and and why would you when that person has been there with you through all these experiences walk through like what is it like when you get that call or you have that meeting with the vet or
the doctor that goes this is the condition that Tate hasn't please tell us a bit about the condition and that experience because I feel like to me when I think about grief and loss it's like that point in the journey is so pivotal to everything that comes after
it because it's like the first time it really hits you that this may not last yeah and also it can dictate your your journey and how you grieve and why you're grieving so Tate was diagnosed with te cell lymphoma and you know he was acting strangely
probably less than a month before his diagnosis it was little things very subtle things and almost things that were already kind of things that he had been doing before but they were just a little bit more frequent or a little bit more extreme and I was like that's
really weird so Tate had a very sensitive stomach he would always sometimes I don't want to say the word throw up but sorry guys if you're triggered by that um he would throw up his food sometimes and he like it didn't always like sit well with him and he he had
like you know already had like digest digestion problems from when he was a puppy but probably a couple weeks before his cancer diagnosis he was still throwing up food he was like drinking water excessively like drinking a lot of water like he seemed very very thirsty
and then when I ultimately was like okay something is really really wrong um it was incontinence so he was peeing in the bed at night which was he never did that he was such a good boy I was like he would never do this intentionally so um I took him to the doctor and I was like
something is wrong he's you know it's not strange or abnormal that he's throwing up his food but it's strange that he threw up water yesterday and it's strange that he peed in the bed and I don't think that those are normal things so you know they're doing blood
tests his calcium levels are off I don't remember in what way just because honestly it's all a bit of a blur because it's it was a very emotional time so but I do remember his calcium levels there was something wrong there so they did another test that was a bit
more of a deep dive into that they were like okay yeah this is a problem we should probably do an exray so you know that was a week ago so now it's a week later and you know getting these appointments and like seeing the doctors you know it's just sometimes not always
easy even in dogs even you know in in veterinar um circumstances it's weirdly sometimes similar to human doctors you know it's just getting these appointments and getting into SE it's like well something is wrong can we just do this now like why are we sitting here
and waiting um he doesn't feel good so we go in for the X-ray and um you know sure enough they they find a mass in his shoulder in his lymph node near his shoulder and they're like okay well we think it's lymphoma so you know you need to take him to an
oncologist and you know these are the oncologists that we recommend I'm calling every Hospital in New York that I possibly can to see you know who can I take him to right away everyone was you know this was maybe May everyone was like our next appointment isn't until
June 16th our next appointment isn't until July 16th I'm like okay well my dog was just diagnosed with cancer or what they think to be is cancer I can't can't imagine that he can wait until June or July um and I don't really know what to do next so he starts getting
worse and he's not eating anymore and he has no appetite and he can't keep even water down so my husband actually takes him to the vet um I'm out of town this when this is happening and she says he's in a really bad State he's severely
dehydrated you need to take him to the emergency room right now and and they'll check him into the ICU and then maybe then he'll be seen by an oncologist and I was like why didn't you tell me that before Oh my God I would have done that a week ago even though he wasn't in a
state of emergency he has we we think he has cancer we think he has t- cell t- cell lymphoma that's very aggressive so we um we my husband takes him to the emergency room and sure enough they do they check him into the ICU he's you know very severely dehydrated he's very
weak he hasn't eaten in like 2 days and he's on a weight list to see an oncologist that day and wow remembering all this is hard cuz I wasn't in town when this was happening and I get these calls that Tate's in the emergency room Tate's in the ICU I'm not
there I'm petrified I'm going to lose him I'm not going to be there and he's seen by the oncologist they do all the tests they do all the scans yes he does have t- cell lymphoma it's throughout his entire body he has multiple you know masses on multiple lymph nodes
and he he definitely doesn't have much much more time left so I get home as soon as I can I'm in the ICU with him and you know all this is happening days before our wedding actually um I was in the hospital with him on a Monday and on Thursday I was meant to fly back home to
Colorado to get married and I'm in New York in the hospital in the ICU with Tate and you know I'm looking at him and I'm asking him like if you if you need to go like please let me know like I will let you go you know like I don't want to make him do anything that he
doesn't want to do because sometimes I feel like when you're dealing with a sick animal we can be quite selfish and I want him to be there and I want him to be okay and I want him to be at my wedding and all these things that I want but what about him him he doesn't feel
good he's sick he's in the hospital so Tate was at the Animal Medical Center in New York the shorman Animal Medical Center and a lot of what we do at Tate and Taylor is I have a whole cancer like a [ __ ] cancer merch collection line where 100% of the profit
that we make goes back back to um a a fund that they have at the Animal Medical Center called the Buddy fund and what the Buddy fund does is help subsidize the cost or cover the cost and total of chemotherapy and Cancer Treatments and pets amazing it's an
incredible program and it's an incredible hospital and a part of my journey and story with Tate so much of it has to do with the amazing the oncology department at the Animal Medical Center is amazing they're the largest nonprofit Hospital in the world
and they they're they have so many amazing programs there they're teaching hospital so it's a really it's a great place Tate was in the best hands when he was there and while even though I was going through something quite emotional and a turbulent time of is he going to
make it to one of the spe most special days of my life and or is he not I I had an amazing doctor there she was so supportive she was about to get married she was you know getting married a week after me so she was I I have a dog and she was like I can't she's like I can't
imagine what you're feeling right now I mean she's she's like I can't imagine what you're feeling right now you know getting married your dog in the hospital this is your baby and you know you're he might not be there so the the team that the oncology team was so amazing with
Tate and with me they did everything in their power they're like well we think we should start you know the chop protocol which is what he started and um um he started responding to it really positively so I I'm you know those a small segue cut back to you know I'm
looking at Tate I'm like please tell me like do you want to fight this like are you going to stick it out I you don't have to do the you don't have to come I know I want you to but I need to do what's best for you and after I you know said this to him he it's you know he's
going in to have a feeding tube put in because he's not eating and he's about to start the chop protocol they want to make sure he has nutrients in his body so they put a feeding tube in so that they can start giving administering you
know nutrients to him and immediately flipped he went from looking like he was on death's doorstep to Tate he was wagging his tail he was energetic he was you know you doing it he was him I was like it was the next day and this is Wednesday I'm supposed to leave Thursday
for the wedding I was my mind was blown I was like oh my God I can't believe it I was like T are you lying to me right now what are you doing what is this all of a sudden he knew he knew he wanted to be there I asked him I was like do you what
do you need what do you want they they you know put the feeding T they're administering the his first dose of the chop protocol and you know he's able to put get some nutrients in his body he's a different dog I'm like okay this dog wants to fight this for me he wants to
pull through right now so he does make it to the wedding it was an amazing beautiful experience be able to share that with him because literally every person who he's ever loved and who has ever loved Tate was there and they got to they got to say goodbye to him you
know as not to sound morbid but it is it was a it's in a way sort of cancer and dogs is it's not curable they don't live much longer than maybe a year you know sometimes in some cases to like it's different you know you they treat dogs to live the best quality of life if they
can for the rest of their lives until they get to a point where it's okay well it's it's their time so it was a way for people to say goodbye to him because we knew he wouldn't be around for much longer we didn't know how much longer but it wasn't going to be much longer um
and it was really special you know my my best friend from my childhood someone I've known since I was 5 years old he was was um um what did I call him oh my man of honor and uh he walked him down the aisle and it was really special and
you know people were crying and everyone was hugging Tate and kissing Tate and just it was so special for me to be able to see and feel the love for him knowing what he had gone through and what we were going through and it felt like it truly felt like a miracle that he made
it there and that he was there that day um so then you know we get back to New York and he's you know he's on maybe number two or three of his doses um it's a 16 we process and we were probably only on like week two and so because he had te- cell lymphoma it's
a it's very aggressive and it adapts in the body really quickly and you know since Tate had tumors throughout his entire body um we didn't know how he was would respond to it he he was 9 years old so he was older but he wasn't old old I guess so the doctors were like
well we're not really sure he's nine it's old but he's still energetic he's still quite youthful like we're going to kind of play it by a and see how this goes um and then it was we were um we were in New York for maybe about a week 10 days or so and he started to get
really really bad again really bad we take him back to the emergency room um they you know he's back in the ICU and they're doing all the blood work and the tests and you know checking on him and he um the cancer in his body had adapted to the to the chemotherapy treatments and
it was attacking his kidneys now and um essentially you know his doctor said if he doesn't pass from the cancer he'll pass from kidney failure failure so right now we're in a position where there's not much more we can do and he's not comfortable he's in a lot of pain
he's very sick um he she said it's completely up to you and I can't tell you what to do all I can tell you is where he's at what the health the the condition of his health right now is not good so you know we ultimately have to come to the to the decision to let take
go because I don't want him to live like that that's so selfish you know I think to try to keep treating him when he's yeah he's not he shouldn't he shouldn't be you know so um we were able to um make an appointment with a doctor that that does
humane euthanization in home so that Tate could be with me my husband and we were in our home together and we got to hold him and you know he didn't have to go back to the hospital because going there was it was a scary thing for M could tell it was stressful because
that's where they would take him away from me and I knew he wanted to be with me he was very attached to me so I didn't want to have to take him back there I didn't want him to have to pass in that environment not to speak neg it wasn't a negative space at all it was actually
very happy it was a very beautiful space the doctors were amazing there and it was it was both it was tough because it was what we were going through was so so difficult but they were so they were so amazing they they were so positive their
energy was so great so it wasn't that it was a dark scary place it was just I wanted him to feel as comfortable as possible and I know that by him walking in there he was like he would be like oh no like I'm in this place again they're going to take me away from you mom so I
didn't want to bring him back there and have to you know his last moments be in a place where he didn't know what was going to happen to him so we did it at home and um it was was really special that I um got to hold him and you know comfort him and be with him that was the
most important thing to me I was I absolutely have to be there like I have to be there and I think he knew that and I think he wanted me to be there and he waited so that we could do we could do it together and we could be together and it's it's a tough thing you
know like having to you know witness someone die is not fun um especially him you know for me was he was he was everything to me and um just based off of that experience that I have with him I know so many people probably have felt that way have
been in a similar situation and I know it's it's really hard going through that so I'm grateful for the way that everything happened with me with Tate um it's so crazy they know like they know they're these Spiritual Beings I think animals they're more spiritual than us
they have so much more they have different types of Consciousness I think than people do he knew what I needed and he knew what how I needed him to go and he he like he really did that for me and it was really even though it was really tough it was really also
beautiful at the same time to be able to hold him in his last moments and he was there for me for every single moment and I got to be there for him in this moment I he didn't feel fear he didn't feel pain he was I held him in my arms and I was you know we were just I got to hold
him so he was very I know he was comfortable and I I felt that with him and I that's why I wanted to be there so I just could make sure that he felt nothing but comfort and no pain and just happiness and love like you could feel my love so um that's sort of the you know the
story of Tate and his his illness and his cancer and what you know sort of of what we went through um and you know treating cancer is so expensive even with insurance and you know part of why the um the Buddy fund is something that we're so passionate about and why I
feel like I want Tate and Taylor as a brand to be really um cause-driven and have an initiative and have a purpose and have a reason behind it is because of you know what I went through with Tate I started building Tate and Taylor with him not that any of this would
happen and then before we even got to launch and start the company publicly I lost him and it shifted sort of a lot of the drive and some of the purpose that we have um and being having to decide between being having a financial burden and
being in a place where you may or may not be able to financially care for your pet and those last Precious Moments the ones that even I know I got to have with Tate those last few weeks with him were the the best weeks ever in my memory of
my life with him because he got to come to my wedding he was back to himself for a little bit these like special little things and times that we Shar together they were so important in how I was able to heal going forward once I did lose him so I think being able to help
support people who are going through this with their pets and go through cancer and you know that that journey and that path and and what that looks like is something I really I have such a um a passion for and something I really want to be able to help because I went
through all of this with him and I know what that feels like and I know what that pain is and what how what that weight feels like and what the grief feels like how can I be there for other people and how can I help other people who are going through this so they they never
have to think about that um and that's why we picked the Buddy fun just because of the experience that I have with Tate at AMC and so many people I know so many people who've who've had that experience and you know I um spoke with Tate's oncologist Dr Rachel lordal and um you
know we posted it on the Tate and Taylor Instagram and I got a couple of comments that were like I love Dr Rachel she was there for me with with my um with my dog and you know she's amazing and so people feel people feel it from them from that
place and that fund is so imp act F because when you're going through something like that to have to worry about whether or not you can afford care and whether or not you can even get those extra that extra time and just see how they're even going to respond to
treatment I mean I can't even I don't even want to we nobody wants to have to go there and make that decision so I got so much support when I lost hate and I just want to do everything I can to support others because I know other people go through this and there are
people in that position and it breaks my heart to even think that somebody would have to go through yeah I just I can't it's hard to um to verbalize that pain and I cuz I I can I can so clearly visualize what that feeling could be and having to make that decision and um I
got to make it when I did with tape and I'm I'm I'm so grateful that I I I was able to do that and I just want to be able to to share to like give that back give that time give it to others like how can I help give people more time with their soulmates I guess Taylor
thank you so much for opening up so intimately about that journey and I remember seeing the beautiful and amazing pictures and memories you shared with Tate on social media and but to hear the the actual Journey behind it just thank you so much for
being so open and and giving and I'm very confident that I mean I I haven't lost a pet or a dog and I don't know what that feels like but even just sitting here listening to you I know that anyone who has or anyone who may do so in the future will have this to turn to as a
way of connecting with and to humanize their experience and also validate their experience of How Deeply they love yeah this friend in their life and I wanted to ask you what would you two questions what would you for anyone who is grieving the loss
of a pet friend a dog like what would you want them to know about the grieving process and the second question is if someone has a friend or family member that's going through it what would you like them to know in order to offer help or support to that person I would say if
you're going through if you're going through this loss and you're you know coping with this type of grief I think patience just be patient with yourself feel it you know grief is like an ocean sometimes it's Relentless sometimes it's calm sometimes the waves
are huge and crashing sometimes it's completely still and beautiful and peaceful and you know you're you're able to just float so wherever you're at where whatever your ocean is doing just feel it because one moment it'll feel really calm and you'll feel a sense of perspective maybe
a sense of peace and then there'll be a memory or you'll be in a situation where it brings something back up and then the waves come crashing in and you know that's okay sometimes you know I'm I'm almost a year uh to to the day that I lost hate and I'm not fully healed yet
and I think that's going to take maybe a couple more years to even feel like I can say I'm Healed from that um I don't think I can ever I don't think anyone ever necessarily moves on and I think if they hear the words move on don't take that let let that roll right off you
because there that's not what maybe they mean to move on you may you may never move on but to heal is different you know to heal a wound that so it no longer opens is a different thing and I would say to make sure that you're doing the steps and taking care of yourself in
the way you need to to heal cuz it is a wound you know how would you go about if you broke your arm you know you would go to the doctor you would you know set it in a cast you would do all these steps to make sure your arm could work again
so I think that losing someone is sort of it's It's a wound it's in it's an internal wound it's some it's a part it's it breaks something in our spirit so it's not something you can see but it's something that needs addressing it's something that needs help it needs
time you know however you need to do that and whatever your process looks like to deal with healing just and if you don't know how to do that I think talking to someone I think anyone it doesn't even have to be a therapist you know because I know a
lot of people like to say go to therapy well some people don't have access to therapy yet and that's okay but talking about it you know if there's someone you can relate to if you can find anyone in your life who will listen and help help you grieve and you know talk it talk
through it with you writing about it talking to yourself about it if you if you prefer writing or journaling or I think there's a couple of different ways to get started in terms of well I don't even know how to heal what does that mean Taylor where do I start what's the
process look like it's different for everyone but I think um you know knowledge is power and learning and if you don't know where to start you can talk to someone and maybe ask a couple of questions or ask yourself questions or write things out and start really
small and start there and then hopefully you know you can start growing on that and and expanding on okay well I this is what it means to heal this is this is my process this is how I'm going to do this and you know find the tools that work for you and or create the tools that
work for you who who knows it's different for everybody it's different for everybody so however that looks like to you whatever that feels like to you as long as you're you're doing what you need to do to ultimately heal from it I think that's a really a really great
place to start is just to start thinking about it from there don't worry about moving on or getting over it or if the emotions are stronger sometimes than others they can be really unexpected you know it can it hits you like a wave some
days and and that's okay feel it sit there write about it think about it I mean if you want to ignore it for a little bit you can but you know make sure you're always coming back to it and acknowledging it and addressing in it and then you can sort of like Let It Go
and be like okay I see you I hear you I feel you we're going to acknowledge that emotion and then we can let it go and then I think that's like those are really good ways to kind of start healing thank you for sharing that yeah and I loved what you were saying
about people discovering their own tools discovering their own way not feeling like there has to be a set formula and and even listening to this conversation and I do think I've been encouraging a lot of my friends to reach out to other people
who've gone through similar experiences because not that your healing will look the same but that it feels necessary to sit with other people who you feel see you hear you understand you and my friend told me something beautiful about grief that I don't think
I'll ever forget they said to me that grief is like a stone and you carry it in your pocket and you'll always notice it you'll feel it you know it's there but as time goes on you get stronger and so as you get stronger it's not that the
stone goes away it's just that it gets lighter wow and so it's lighter to carry but it doesn't mean it's going away you didn't move on you didn't have to get over it it doesn't disappear it doesn't get smaller it stays the same you just gets stronger so the stone gets lighter
yeah and I and I really appreciated that idea around grief because it sat true with me that it didn't have to go away I didn't have to let go of it I didn't have to forget about it and that it would always be there but just as I grow and as I strengthen and as I become more
resilient it becomes lighter and doesn't weigh on me in the same way as the heavy feeling of grief can in the beginning yeah and so yeah thank you for I mean it sounds like you know you shared with me before that there was something you wanted to share with our community here
that you hadn't shared before MH and when you mentioned it to me there's something beautiful you said and it was this idea of how Tate has actually been with you through another loss in your life and that's a journey that you haven't shared before could you walk us through
how Tate was your best friend through that Journey too so about 3 years ago um I had a miscarriage and I've I've never spoken about it before um except for obviously to people in my life and you know my family knows and my close friends know
and I I've shared it with you know some people and I do think you know talking about it is an important thing but you know I've never publicly spoken about it or said that I went through that um and you know I kind of made the decision that I since I'm you know talking about
Tate and I'm you know starting this business based off of the love that we have for each other and how I want to be there for people he was there for me in so many ways and how can I you know share that without sharing something I went through that he was there for me
for and in grieving his loss I'm grieving the shared experiences we've had and learning how to cope some cope with something without him when he was there for me through that time in my life um I had a it was a really strange circumstance under which I um had my
miscarriage I um had an IUD I had it for about 3 years so I obviously you know wasn't actively trying to get pregnant I didn't want to get pregnant at all I was you know engaged to my husband and you know we were not planning on starting a
family probably for you know for a while so I wasn't in the headp space at all to to be pregnant um and you know I'm not really sure how it happens because I I don't I I don't know how that works I'm not a doctor and I I didn't understand it and sometimes I still don't
understand it um because you know I'm pretty sure I could be wrong on this I probably should have looked it up before I came in here so I could say exactly but um it's a really small percentage like a small chance of getting pregnant on an IUD it's like less than 1% or
something like that which is still you know still a chance like it can still happen of course but you some crazy things happen to someone and they it's like that'll never happen to me it happened to me I got pregnant on an IUD and I I was shocked and I was sad I
didn't want to be pregnant I wasn't ready to be pregnant I didn't understand what it meant to be pregnant with an IUD I didn't know what that meant I didn't know what my journey with this pregnancy would look like I was so scared I was terrified um and also it was um still
during covid so my husband was in he wasn't able to be with me he was in London and um he was in you know kind of not allowed to travel into the us so I I found he was with me in the beginning of um Co and the pandemic but because he's British you know he was on anesta and
they were getting people out on tourist visas so his exception to fly out was so he didn't overstay his esta cuz that's the last thing we wanted we were you know planning on getting married like we can't get marks on you know all that stuff so um he left the country because
he had to and so then we were separated and we were no longer able to be together I I don't think I saw him for maybe another couple months after that so um he he wasn't with me when I found out I was pregnant and um that was really hard for both of us because all
you want to do when you're going through something like that as shocking and unexpected as it was for the both of us is to be there with each other you know I know he wanted more than anything in the world to hold my hand like tell me it's going to be okay like hold me and
you know that's all I wanted to and I couldn't be with him and um Tate was with me though you know he was we were together and I'm so grateful that I I had him physically to be there with me physically you know my husband was there for me in every way that he possibly
could be but I had the physical connection that that holding that com you know that's something that you need in that space I it was breaking both of our hearts that we didn't have that you know couldn't do that and I think it both gave us like
comfort knowing that I had Tate with me for that um you know I had to go to my doctor's appointments alone I you know went in to make sure that I didn't have an what's called an ectopic pregnancy which is when um it the embryo attaches itself in the fallopian tube my
pregnancy was in my uterus so it was viable it was technically healthy but the circumstances in the environment on which I got which I conceived was a bit of a turbulent environment so you know my doctor said we don't really know what's going to happen here because you
know you conceived in an environment where your body is telling you you shouldn't be pregnant because of the IUD because of the hormones the IUD is putting into your body um and also if we remove it then you know we're changing again the environment on which you
conceived so you know it's we don't know 50/50 of whether or not you're going to you know carry this out so um it was really just a waiting game to see if it would stick or not and I was given a couple of markers of you know come back at about 6 and 1 half
weeks and we can do internal ultrasound and you know check everything out and see how it's going so you know I'm I'm waiting another week or so I go back in they do the internal ultrasound they're able to like hear a heartbeat um and you know at this point I'm like oh my gosh
like I what is happening to me this is so crazy I'm going through all these things I I have a photo I have the picture you know of the ultrasound like that's so great it was like this big you know what I mean and um so I'm at a place in my life where okay maybe I
wasn't planning to get pregnant and I wasn't I wasn't ultimately excited about it at first I was scared not excited I was shocked I was confused I I I was feeling fear I wasn't feeling Joy but at the same time I'm going to marry this person I'm in love with this person I
want to have a family with this person I'm 20 was I 25 or was I 24 I think I was 25 I'm 25 that's still young but you know it's I feel somewhat ready if I was to have a child okay so I'm going to start getting in the head space now of I think
I'm going to if this pregnancy sticks around like I'm going to have a child okay oh gosh so it's like I'm coming to so many different so many terms of acceptance here where I'm just like okay but I can't get too excited because we don't know what's going to happen I have
to pass all of these Milestones to make sure if this is going to be a healthy pregnancy or not um so I get to about roughly 9 weeks and you know she's like okay well we're getting closer you know she's optimistic that this could be happening you know
usually it's about 12 to 14 weeks when you start telling people um so I'm like oh my God it's getting closer like maybe this is going to happen um and I'm starting to accept that this is going to happen um it's still really early though
so of course not too excited I'm not at that that check mark yet and then um I start spotting but it was it was like um it wasn't bright red it wasn't blood yet and so then the doctor was like well that's normal sometimes that happens you know there is spotting with pregnancy
it's just your body adjusting so oh we'll just keep an eye on it um and about a week goes by and and then I start seeing what looks like fresh blood um and that's this you know that's what she told me to look out for and that's like kind of the early signs and um of
what ultimately will be a miscarriage so that starts happening and you know I'm I'm alone in my house and you know at least I have Tate with me and I call my husband and you know I'm just devastated because I know that this is about to happen to me and we're both crying and
he's I could just tell he was so heartbroken um that he couldn't be there I think that was really painful for him too you know for both of us and I've never spoken about it either so like to this extent so I um I have with my family so this is also new for
me to to do this it's like reprocessing again um I'm going through the physical reaction of having the miscarriage um and it it takes some time like you know it's happening while it's happening it doesn't just like happen and then it's done like it it's
it takes a long time it's it can be painful it feels like a period cramps but like your worst period cramps you've ever had um and you know ultimately it passes and I have to make all these doctor doctor's appointments I um I have to you know make sure everything's okay
make sure I'm healthy and all that so you know right after dealing with with this loss you have to click into this mode of I have to do all these things and I have to make sure I do this and I do that and Logistics of getting to the doctor and like making sure and checking
and making sure it was clean and everything that needed to pass past um so you know I kind of went into take care of it mode um and I just remember feeling so confused because it was really just like a a roller coaster of emotion of I didn't I didn't even know I I
didn't even want this I I wasn't expecting this I I wasn't planning on having a child I was doing to the best of my ability you know the IUD is one of the best forms of birth control one of the most efficient forms of birth control and and you know
I I was very confused I was like why is this happening um this is so wild I can't believe I can't believe this um I I didn't I didn't want to necessarily be pregnant um and then okay I I make pass a couple of checkpoints and I'm starting to feel a little like oh gosh this is
going to happen I'm starting to process emotions of coming to terms with this like you do get excited I wasn't allowing myself to get fully excited or like be too optimistic about it I tried to stay as neutral as I possibly could but it's it's difficult you know you
can't you can't control some of these things I mean the this is what I'm feeling so you know I I was like okay well oh my gosh like is this happening like whoa so then there's a little bit of excitement and then you know some Joy because like I want a family I'm excited
to have children um and and then I lose the pregnancy you know it was early still like when I lost it so um I wasn't luckily fully in the head space of oh my God this is 100% happening so in terms of the timeline I am really grateful that I hadn't fully
come to terms with it yet but I was still really confused because I was like whoa processing this emotion of feeling like I don't even want this to maybe this is happening and feeling some excitement and maybe some joy and then and then loss it was so strange and it
was just all the things you know it was really just two things can be true at once kind of a thing where you feel these emotions that are one is honestly even with some time and some space now and some perspective relief wow the timing wasn't right you
know everything happens for a reason I wasn't ready to be a mother I wasn't ready to have a child I'm absolutely devastated I'm not a mother and I don't have a child well that makes no sense how can you feel both of those things I don't know they both sit one sits on
this side of my brain and one sits on this side of the brain and they fight with each other and I don't and it took me a really long time to understand how to deal with that I don't know how to talk about this how do I make this make sense and I think in
terms of you know miscarriages sometimes they don't make sense none of it doesn't make any sense and I think a lot of women go through that I think it's something like one in three women experience miscarriage so and and some women multiple and some
women who've never had one like myself you know when I first got pregnant it's like this you have this sort of we don't you don't know that that's a possibility right so it's it's like oh it can be really exciting and I think a lot of women when they get pregnant for the
first time feel excited and optimistic and hopeful and oh my God I'm going to have a child right away so the blow of a miscarriage is so devastating wait a minute what I didn't what what happened I thought I was having a child all everyone has a baby how do people
have babies like this is crazy how is this happening um to to be pregnant is such a complicated thing it's so wild the fact that we can even get pregnant you know um and and I think it it really helped me feel less alone knowing that it was something that
was quite common um and that a lot of women do go through it um and it just it but then you know something that I I felt that was difficult to hear in the very beginning that being said um when I did very first lose my pregnancy I was like well you know don't worry this
happens to a lot of people you're not alone it was like you I didn't want to hear that I didn't want to hear this happens all the time like you know I was so upset I was like what do you mean so so I shouldn't feel upset that this happened to me because it happens to a
lot of people so I I'm trying sorry I'm trying to articulate and it's a very difficult thing to articulate specifically because I think it is very intricate and it's it can be very difficult and complicated to speak about something like that um
so because there's so many powerful really you know strong emotions that are happening in your physical body and in your emotional self as well so I was always torn with they're trying to help me by saying this but it didn't help me to hear that so if I'm saying that now 3
years later I do have perspective and it and it did eventually become helpful to hear I'm not alone one in three women have have miscarriages this happens to people it's going to be okay if someone's listening and they're not ready to hear
that I feel that I've been there like no this sucks it sucks that one in three women go through it it sucks that it's something that we have to deal with sometimes you need to hear that you know so I've I've been in a place and I've been in positions where I needed to feel
both like I'm mad I'm confused why is this happening to me why is my body doing this I felt a sense of failure i s felt a sense of betrayal of my own body of my own self I felt like and I wanted to feel those things I didn't want to hear oh what happens to one in three
women I'm like I'm mad at myself like it's okay it's okay to be mad at yourself you don't have to get over it right away and accept that it happens to one in three women so wherever you're at and you know your journey of of dealing with these emotions and processing you know
I i' I felt those things I've been angry I felt confused I felt relief I felt pain and none of it made any sense I was like what how do I how do I deal with this um and again you know it's it it goes back to sort of something similar and when I lost Tate I just sort of
started talking to people I spoke to one of my best friends in the whole world and I with the day it happened I just sobbed her and she held me you know and you know she experienced this loss as well not shortly after me and I think that when I knew she was
going through what I had been through and she held me and I held her and we were talking about it with each other I think that's when I got to a place when I was starting ready to hear this happens to one in three women and then I wanted to learn about it more
and understand the technical reasons why this happens and you know it's not my fault my body didn't fail me you know it wasn't a viable pregnancy it wasn't healthy it wasn't meant to happen I don't I'll never really know why it happened um it could be a multitude of
things I I got pregnant on an IUD you know that's probably number one reason why I didn't come through come to fruition so you know I I did have some things to ground me in my grief of okay well this happened because of this reason some women don't get that answer
and they don't know why and maybe it happens them a lot later in their pregnancies and there's so many different levels and variations of what it means to have a miscarriage and so many different variables and versions of what a miscarriage looks like and what a
miscarriage feels like to those people um all I can say is my own personal experience and all the things I was feeling during that time and know that you know 3 years later I have so much more perspective and I've given myself so much time to heal from that and it no longer feels
like an open gaping wound it feels like a a scar it's definitely still with me there's a mark there it happened to me it's it's more of a you know another mark on my Spirit maybe but um I have perspective from it I I have healing from it I really feel like I
gave myself a lot of time to to to feel everything I know I needed to feel for myself and I think it's important for other women to hear from others what that it's something that we go through and I didn't know if I would ever publicly talk about it but I you know I
lost hate and I'm talking about grief and he was such a huge part of my journey and my life and he helped me deal with grief and he's been a huge part of you know my mental health and being there for me and I think there's something there with you know having
that connection to an animal and mental health and what they can do for our mental health I mean there's therapy dogs for a reason and horse therapy and there's a reason why people connect to animals so strongly and there's something there and there's something
that's healing and being around them you know and he was such a huge part of that healing and in losing him it did it did hurt me in that area that previous injury in my spirit that I had from the miscarriage it was some someone that was with me so closely and so deeply for something so
difficult is no longer here I can no longer hold him and you know feel comforted from the wave of emotions that maybe come back from having this having the miscarriage um so you know it's it's all connected and you know sometimes it it can be painful and
it can be hurtful and even though it's a it is a scar on on me now and it's what I feel healed and I feel optimistic and I've I've grown a lot from it and you know I do feel like I've kind of come out on the other side of going through that it's still a tender spot you know
what I mean it's like if it's poked it kind of hurts it's like ow that that was that's from that you know you I can only I I have I've never broken a bone crazy enough as it is so I I can imagine it's maybe similar to if you break a bone in
your body it still hurts maybe later in life and you feel aches and pains and all these things so um it's it's an injury that I've feel like my spirit's endured and it's still there but um I've really worked through it and worked through healing and um I think there's a
light at the end of the tunnel and and terms of if you're going through through that um it takes time and who knows maybe now I maybe I think I'm Healed and maybe fully not I don't know I I feel confident and comfortable enough to speak about it so maybe that's a layer
and a step towards like towards healing maybe we're never fully done healing and and and growing from things I mean we're never done growing we grow forever and ever and ever until the day we die so um it might evolve and it might change going forward and you know it might
continue and shift and I can maybe look back on where I'm at today and think I still had some work to do and I wasn't aware of it yet so you know we'll kind of we'll see where it goes but you know kind of where I'm at now is this is the head space that I'm in I feel
um comfortable and you know confident enough to sort of talk about it and talk about you know what happened and and share it and hope that others can maybe connect with it and feel Not Alone um I know it's it can feel isolating especially if there is no
one in your life that's been through it and you don't feel like you have somebody to connect to so hopefully it it just helps and I feel like that's kind of why I wanted to share that was just because you know the many layers of grief and in my loss I've I've felt lost
before and I lost someone that went through me through that loss with me so I I kind of just wanted to touch on both of those things just because I know they can be it's something that a lot of people go through losing a pet losing a loved one and then obviously you know
losing a pregnancy and going through a miscarriage and and so thank you for the courage and bravery to share that with us here today for the first time publicly Beyond friends and family and when I was listening to you Taylor I was just thinking like I appreciate just
the level of comp and layers that you're willing to kind of look at this from whether it's personally others everyone I mean I was saying to you that I've had multiple friends in the last two to three years who've all experienced a uh miscarriage and I talk
to them and I'll hear from them and I see so much just stress overwhelm pressure um self-degradation like you know just um negative selft talk like there's it's it's it's one of the hardest things to go through even if everyone goes through it as you or not everyone but so many
people go through it it doesn't make it any easier and often actually like you said it makes you so lonely that you don't want to talk to anyone about it yeah and it's it's not comforting to know other people have gone through it and I wonder in that lonely phase like
what was it that did help you and even when your friend went through it what allowed you to be there for other in a way that was comforting and helpful rather than felt uncomfortable and unhealthy I needed to be alone um I needed to like I needed to
feel it I needed to yeah sit in it I didn't want to talk about it um because I didn't want people want to be there for you and that's really special and that's really helpful but I didn't want people to be there for yet I wasn't ready for people to be like oh I'm so
sorry or you know cuz people don't know what to say sometimes when it comes to grief or loss sometimes I don't know what to say either I have no idea on how to react to some things still having experienced my own version of grief um H how do you be there for
somebody it's a difficult thing I mean I didn't know how I needed I didn't know what I needed from people um I didn't want to talk about it I wanted to be alone I didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want people to talk to me about it or say things to me
because I just wasn't ready to hear it yet um and the way that I think I told people that were really really close to me really my husband obviously knew because it happened to him too um and my two best friends knew and the way that I feel like they were there
for me because they didn't know what to say they didn't say anything they were there for me physically they held me they let me cry I just sat there and I cried and said nothing and they just held my hand and were like just sat there with me and like let me cry they
didn't ask me questions they didn't ask me how I felt they didn't ask they didn't say anything to me like they didn't say everything happens for a reason don't worry like you'll feel one day D they didn't go into that I think because they know me so well they
probably knew that I didn't want to hear that yet they just were there and they listened when I was ready to talk and then because I wasn't ready ready they just let me emote and they just let me cry and they cried and I could tell because I was hurt they were hurt you know my my
when I finally got to my husband and we were together he just held me we both cried and he just held me and you know I held him too because I think that's another thing is another layer on top of it is even though it physically happened to
me and emotionally was something that I experienced it was it was an individual experience to myself emotionally it's something that it's a loss that happened to him as well he also thought potentially he would be having a child so we were both grieving something we
were both grieving the loss of of this we were both feeling this weird sense of relief at the same time and then immediately guilty because we felt relief and then immediately anger because we felt guilt and you know what I mean it's just it's
Relentless these emotions when it's fresh you know you feel literally every single one that's on the rainbow of all the colors we felt we felt all of them and I think when it's when it was the very beginning I think for me it was just holding PE people holding me you
know being in just being in the space with me they didn't have to say anything if they didn't know what to say you know and when we did sort of start talking about it I I we first started saying this sucks I can't believe this is happening um you know it
was if I was feeling angry then they would be angry with me if I was the if I was sad then they were sad with me um so it was amaz they were amazing at being there for me in those ways and you know I think it is difficult to know what to say and how to be there for someone but
I think following them and how they're reacting is also really good like taking the cue from how they're responding is a good way to respond back to someone and you know checking in you know my my friends that knew checked in with me how are you feeling today you know and then
if I didn't want to talk about they were like okay let me know when you are ready you know yeah we're here mhm so just you know they were checking in you know making sure and then you know my my best friend she who she experienced this as well
she continues to check in with me you know this is 3 years later and we still talk about it oh my gosh like can you believe it you would have a three-year-old I'm like I know and it's just we we get to have these moments together of we would both have a three-year-old right now that's and we
we think about that and we deal with that and we grieve that and we grieve the loss of that potential and that direction and life you know that thread that didn't happen in this path so um female friendships are incredible and they're beautiful and I think it's
really important for women to have women in their life if they can they can go to and they can talk to about these things because we can relate to each other in other ways that I think you know you I could get from my husband and being able
to go to her was so special um and really helpful so I just I think also have patience with with yourself and if you know someone who's going through that have patience with them because it's a roller coaster and you know she was my my friend she was going through this too
and I was feeling emotions and I was feeling heartbroken because I know cuz she was heartbroken so I was feeling emotions as well and I just have to be patient because the it it's happening to her so at her Pace at her time when she's ready when she wants to hear when she wants to
talk about it we can and we both kind of just we both share that understanding with each other something powerful really powerful that you said was I wasn't ready for someone to be there for me yet and I think that's such a really remarkable insight
as I was listening to you I was thinking often when we see people who are struggling because their struggle causes us discomfort we want to solve it for them and so if I'm speaking to a friend who's like oh you know my friend's going through this or my partner's going
through this and they're spiraling and we're so uncomfortable with their discomfort that we want to fix to relieve our own discomfort not realizing that that person may need to feel and experience all of it yeah and and to let it all out in their own way and I love
what you just said of I just wasn't ready for someone to be there for me yet and I think that's a great note for all of us to ask ourselves like am I ready for someone to be there for me yet and if I'm trying to help someone are they truly ready for me to be there for them
yeah and one of the things that I've seen in and you mentioned as well when we were talking this idea about how there's so much pressure also on the couple so there's you're both individually dealing with loss and grief but then there's like a dynamic that you
go through with each other yeah because you're both at different spaces of healing you're both at different timelines the waves come differently it's affected both of you but then you're both trying to be there for each other like it's quite a
unique relation uh it's quite a unique situation mhm walk us through how you navigated that overwhelming pressure and feeling together as well and what did it take to to reconnect and I mean I don't even think it's finding normaly it's like evolving but what does that look
like I mean my husband is so kind he's so he's very he's very gentle he's very um he's very understanding he he knows I'm an emotional person he knows I feel things deeply um he like heavily and he knows that I I was distraught you know I he he could see that I
was I'm even I'm even feeling it now you know just all these different things all at the same time and um he's a supportive partner to me um and I think what was really helpful for us was you know I think he had a really great understanding and he's he was
so wonderful during those times for me um he I think for him he understood okay this is something that he's like okay I'm I'm feeling I also can't speak for him obviously because this these is this is his these are his feelings and and his journey as well so I'm as I'm saying
this it's more just like collectively what you know we both went through it was the shared experience that I'm I'm touching on um and things that he did say and express to me so you know I felt that he had a really great understanding of you know equal the equal amount of
heartbreak of loss you know he was feeling that too and we got we had a shared experience in that and I think he also had a really great understanding of this is physically happening to her as well as it is emotionally happening to her he knew it would take me
longer to gain perspective to start my healing process to you know know be able to adjust or you know process my emotions just because I think you know he said to me you know whatever I feel like I'm feeling I know you're feeling it tenfolds I know what you're going
through is a physical reaction in your body of change and then the change of becoming pregnant the change of losing that pregnancy the the emotional change from all of those things so for us it was really helpful that he was super understanding and you know he's really
great at navigating emotion as well um and I think it was helpful for me when he talked about it with me when he would say things like today is the day it happened and he's reminding me and he's the one talking about it it makes me feel less
alone that he still remembers it that he still carries it with him because sometimes you know we just because it's we've had some time and we've had some some distance I know I carry this with me forever you know I know I will because this happened to me in more ways than one and I worry
sometimes you know or I did that well maybe he won't feel that way like maybe he'll move on faster maybe he'll forget about it maybe all these things and and then you feel sad and you know different emotions around that and like I know that that can be really
complicated in a dynamic of loss of they're moving on oh they're forgetting about this they're not talking about this anymore so for me what was really helpful is because I know that he went through this too I love that he checks in with me I love that he talks about it
with me I love that he also says things like can you believe we would maybe have had a three-year-old oh my God you think about that too it made me feel so seen like so heard and that he sees me all the time you know he sees when people we've been married for
almost a year now so he sees when people make comments like oh when are you guys going to have kids or are you thinking about having kids and people ask you know it's a harmless question and I understand when people ask it and it's it's I'm not angry that people ask that
question I think it's part of society you know people want to talk about it you know people are excited about having starting families if we we want to start a family which we do and we've spoken with our friends that we would want to
have a family one day so I understand why they're asking us those questions but not everybody knows that I went through this and at that time I mean now maybe everybody everybody will know I went through this but I wasn't ready for everybody to know that I was going
through this and I had to deal with those questions in Al and um it was painful to hear those questions you know people would make comments because a lot of my friends had babies during covid and everyone was like oh you know everyone had all these babies you know
during Co and everyone was getting pregnant and I did and I was pregnant and I didn't have a baby so I would hear comments like that I would hear things like that oh also people assume that maybe I have had a kid and they just don't know yet oh did did you have a kid
were you one of those girls during Co that had a kid and I'm like oh God I know what you mean when you're saying that but uh you have no idea no I'm I'm not I guess I'm not um so he would sort of see me and like see that I was dealing with that internally and trying
to process socializing and you know navigating these um comments because it's nobody's fault that they're asking it you know it's it's just normal it's just life right so I have to I do have to grow from this I have to be able to handle this I have to be able to talk
about this again I do have to be able to be okay and I I wasn't always okay and I think he saw that I wasn't always okay and I could tell that he was hurt when I was hurt I could tell that he he was feeling what I was feeling you know and I also shared it with him too because
people can't read your mind you know this is my partner this is my life partner um this is the person that I've decided that I want to spend life with and do life with so I have to do life with them right so I have to make a point to share today I'm feeling extra
bad because it's the week of my miscarriage it's the anniversary week I'm not going to feel good this week you know I say that I express that he cannot read my mind he has no idea what I'm feeling unless I'm saying it so you know I it's a two-way street um
that I share with him and that he sees me and he understands me so and he does he's really great at understanding how I emote you know my tells my you know physical things that maybe I do he's like she's nervous she's upset I could
tell she's holding back tears right now he helps remove me from said situation you know so um learning each other and sharing with each other and he he knows those things he he he's been able to learn those things because I've shared them with him and I've shown him and
told him and vice versa he's shared with me and told me and shown me um how I can care and love and be there for him so um I think just for uh a couple in this scenario however you're dealing with the loss of a pregnancy or a child because I know people can see in many different ways
and there's a lot of stress in in starting a family on on multiple different types of relationships and partners and spouses and how you're going about it and how you're dealing with and what you're going through and and you know what you're doing with each
other and how you're the your journey with with that is um is unique to you to to your both of your situations and the way that you guys communicate with each other is is important and and learning each other and asking for something is there's no
there's nothing wrong with asking for something and then they're able to adjust and do that for you so I feel like that's something that I've learned as well is being open and making sure I'm sharing and you know he's really great at just innately because we've
known each other and we're we're we love each other he's he's good at you know knowing and figuring out those little things that I do for himself and just seeing me but also I've shared a lot with him and he listens and he adapts and he changes for those things for me
and does those things for me so um I think that communication is probably the number one most important thing and also the most difficult thing I know communicating is so difficult how do you be vulnerable how do you share these things am I ready to talk about this do
I want to say this and you know I don't know I think just say it and and and ask for it and communicate it because again you know they may may have no idea that that's even going on in your head and they have something completely different going on in their
head yeah no it's it's so true and I appreciate you sharing that because I think a lot of people are both dealing with the grief and then they're dealing with the loss of the relationship they had and the one they thought they were going to have when they had a child
together as well and so communication's at the core and the Heart of all of that because it's so multi-layer and so complex Taylor as I was listening to you and I asked this question very sensitively and I asked it in order to hopefully help people who are listening as well
like where where how do you refine the confidence to want to think about a family again and try again because I and I ask it very sincerely and sens sensitively thinking about people listening who are like I don't think I can ever try again because it was so
painful and that's generally a human reaction to pain if it was so painful I can't go there again yet I have this desire to have a family like how how for you do you know when you're ready to think about again even or open up to the idea I know I want one I I don't think
I've I don't think I'm there yet I haven't I don't know actually if I've confronted that for myself you know I don't think I've I've gone there where one day I'm going to be trying to have a family and you know maybe that stick is going to say pregnant is it going to
bring back all these emotions and how am I going to deal with that again h gosh I have no idea because you know I'm not there yet I'm I'm still not ready for a child and I'm and I'm not ready to think about it and I'm not ready to start having a family and I
don't know when that is and you know a lot of people who've had children are like you'll never know the timing's never right all this stuff and everyone's journey is different and that I I I have no plan I have no timeline of when I'm going to start a
family when I'm going to do that how I'm going to to do it I I don't know and I also have no idea what I'm about to confront when I start trying again you know is it going to be really easy am I going to is it going to be fine did this scenario happen to me simply because of
the IUD or will I experience this again because you know a pregnancy is is a new organism in your body it's like a technically a I don't know it's I can only I think of it maybe as almost like a bacteria that's like it's introducing like a new thing inside of your body and
a a miscarriage is a rejection of that your body being like that shouldn't be here what is this this is new and sometimes it it takes time to adjust your body has to be like oh that's what that is so maybe it takes a couple tries and you know that's why your body's
doing that I don't know why my body did that probably the IUD most likely if doctors are listening they'll probably be like oh it's the IUD that's why I was like okay okay fine that's why but um I I guess I'll sort of I maybe I'll be able to speak on that more when I'm in
in the head space of actively trying or if and when I do have a child like to be able to touch on that again but I think I'm nervous you know I'm I do have fears about getting to that stage in my life and I'm worried about what I'm going to
start feeling when um I am pregnant again I want to enjoy the process I want to be you know excited I want to feel all of those things but unfortunately because of what i' I went through I know that in the beginning I won't I'll feel fear I'm going to be afraid I know I'm
going to be scared I know I'm going to have like anxiety about it until who knows when maybe the entire pregnancy I don't know but um I know I've been through this before I I know I can handle this I'm stronger because of this if it happens to me again I'm going to
be okay um you know look at how far I've come look at what I how I handled this like what we went through like I I have confidence in that at least but I I also I I have no idea what what that is going to look like for me until I start doing that or until it happens
so you know I would I I would say for me what how I can rationalize it is I'm stronger because of this I've handled I've I've been through this this thing and I've I've dealt with something that was really difficult for me personally to to go through and I came
out the other side whether or not I'm fully done yet we don't know we'll we'll figure it out when we get there but right now all I can say is I feel confident that I'll I'm going to I know I'm going to be okay no matter what I'm going to be okay I can get through
anything I can do this like I have a great support in my husband in my family in my friends they were all there for for me they showed their love and support I was there for me I was there for myself I showed up you know so I know I can show up for myself I know I
can be there I know I can pick myself back up again and start walking and make it you know make those steps towards healing again so we're resilient as people as as humans and having faith in our resilience and in our strength and and in our ability to find healing and
find growth I think we forget and we doubt ourselves sometimes that we can do that we can do we can get through that thank you for such an honest answer I feel like I feel like a lot of people will be able to resonate and connect with that this idea of I don't know see
when I get there I don't even if I'm ready to answer that question and I think I think people listening to that will feel a sense of relief because I think that naturally again like you said when when you go through it you have to get into tactical mode of how do we make
sure it's done and clean and everything's okay and then we get into okay how do I start and it's you almost don't give yourself that space so thank you so much for giving everyone Space by even having that answer it's it's really beautiful and Powerful to hear Taylor
You've Been So uh gracious and kind with your time today with your energy with your soul like I really feel like you've led us in which is so kind I really hope you feel we've honored Tay uh and given a chance for you to express your love
for Tay and also uh honored your experiences and you know I feel like like with your your whole career and everything it's almost like I find that you know when you've been modeling from such a young age and you've been in the public eye like so much of your career
becomes about um your looks your age your you know those things become big and as you transform and evolve as a human too as you're starting you know T and tailor and you're starting a company or you started a company that's doing all this incredible purposeful work and
you built a Content platform and a platform where people can find amazing products amazing Services amazing Partnerships for their pets and their dogs and everything else like walk us through how you see that Evolution for yourself of coming from an industry in a
space that is defined by these external things of looks and age and fitness and everything and then finding your path through that now yeah I think you know they really play such a big role with each other I think why I even wanted to start T and Tor and start a business and
be in the pet space obviously I have a huge passion for animals and dogs like this is so much more to me than just a company I'm doing this because this is absolutely 100% like the thing I love most in the world is my dog Tate and my dog Salem I have now too and they're
just so incredible and amazing and they change they've changed my life in so many ways and even Salem now has impacted my life in so many different ways than Tate did and I'm so excited about the journey and the the life that I'm going to live with him and the
things he's about to teach me and show me and I don't think I would even be able to know how to do that and build something with intention and purpose if I hadn't had my career before you know I started um modeling when I was 14 I don't have a traditional education in in
that sense but I've learned so much from from my job and from working at a young age and traveling the world and having so many experiences I feel like I learned by by doing and you know by being able to see how things work and you know people producing fashion
Collections and watching them make the clothes on me to walking in the fashion show and seeing how things are done is really interesting and being a part of a of of a photo shoot and all the different areas and everyone has a different job and seeing how it all
comes together and how everybody works and all the puzzle pie is kind of like you know as I'm sure you know it's just like it's interesting and there's a lot of different um layers to what goes into something like a photo shoot or you know a campaign or a video or a movie or you
know um a fashion show and it was really fun and exciting for me to witness and and see those things and do those things and you know I think modeling has been it is a lot about um it is about physically what I look like 100% like I'm a model because of how I look I know
that so it's an interesting thing to go from you know I I'm here because of how I look but also I feel like after a certain extent I'm still here because of who I am and I'm still hearing people um continue hopefully to work with me
because we have fun together and we build relationships and they get to know me and it becomes more than just this you know surface transaction of she looks a certain way she fits the bill physically of what we're looking for so we're going to book her I think after 14
years you know you start knowing people and establishing relationships and becoming friends with people in the industry and then people want to work with you because they like you they like hanging out with you you're it's it's like a lot of Industries you know what I
mean the more you are in it the more you do it the more friends you make the more connections you feel like you have with people and the less it becomes about how you look and it becomes a lot about who you are actually like the the my reputation of my career in modeling I
feel like it's been with people that I enjoy working with and I get to work with them again and again and again and I love that I love that I now know so many people in the industry and every time I get a call sheet not every time but I get these call sheets and I see
who's going to be on set and I'm like oh my God I haven't seen this person in you know however many years and I'm so excited to work with them again and do that so to me it's maybe it starts off that way and and modeling is is about the way that I look and and how I
physically am but then I think it becomes a lot deeper than that so you know people establishing those connections with me has like taught me how to to grow and and you know and change and just they've taught me so much about life and different different backgrounds
and different people and different things so um you know I learned so much from it and I've grown so much from it and um you know wanting to start my own business I feel like I'm able to do that because of everything that I've done in in my modeling career and I really just
I see them so much a part of each other and I want to be in the pet space and have this this business because it's something that I also love to do like I love my job I love modeling and I really believe in pursuing things that you love
to do and you know maybe I won't be a model forever I have no idea because it's um it's not a very consistent lifestyle as much as I love it I'm you never know I you know I just got a text message today that I'm going to Paris on Thursday so you know maybe if when I do
start trying to have a family and if I have a family and my family is growing and growing and growing or you know I have all these hopes and dreams to have a a big family it'll be more difficult to do my modeling career to the extent that I'm doing it now and I I also love
dogs and I love my dog and I love you know animals and I love that people love their animals and I wanted to create something that I wish existed with my life and my journey and path with Tate and I'm creating something that I really want and need with Salem my my new dog
now that I've rescued and because we're going through so many different things and I'm so excited to you know have be able to build on the experience I've had from modeling and apply it to what I'm doing now with t and Taylor and build
something with purpose build something with you know meaning something that I'm passionate about doing something that I love it's it's my lifestyle it's you know I'm that crazy dog lady that every time I see a dog on the street I'm like hello how are you nice to meet you
what's your name I just I love dogs and I love animals in general too so I I really think that dogs are connectors and I've met a lot of people and had so many amazing interesting convers ations because of our dogs if you're out walking your dog and people stop you oh
my god what kind of dog is that oh my God he's so beautiful you know are they a boy or are they a girl what's their name and and the next thing you know you're having a full-blown conversation with the complete and total stranger but I feel like I'm in a safe space you know
it's it's really interesting and I as um a shy I started out really shy and kind of an introverted person having Tate everybody loved him people were like oh my God that's the cutest dog I've ever seen and I I had to open up I had to have
conversations with people and he helped me do that and he helped me connect with people and you know someone that um works with me on Tate and Taylor I met through Tate in my building you know because we had like a doggy play dat group chat in the building and she
invited us and you know our dogs were playing and we connected and now she's helping me you know build um Bill Tayon Taylor so I love dogs I think that there's they're just amazing and and their connectors and it's something that I I love so much and find so much joy in
and I hope that people you know receive that and see that and um are excited about it because you know I'm really passionate about how I take care of my dog and the the love I want to give him I want to give give him the best life possible because they're not with us
forever as you know I I know very well and I want to cherish every single second I possibly can with them and I know so many pet pet people people who have pets want want that as well and you know there's definitely a lack of uh Community I think in the pet industry
there is community but there's not like a place I feel like there there wasn't a place to go for information to connect to other people and I really hope to build that and grow Tate and tailor into something where people feel like this is
happening to me and I don't know what to do maybe we can help you figure that out so that's sort of the intention in doing what we're doing you know we have the the online store we're like curating products we're looking for amazing Founders and Brands and people who are
doing Innovative things in the pet space with whether that's treats that are with really great great quality we have women-owned businesses I love the idea of supporting women and um you know young cool entrepreneurs doing really interesting things and maybe helping do
that together and giving them a a space and a platform to Showcase and talk about their product and why it's great and and why it's different and you know help them sort of just like share what they're doing with the world because there's so many passionate you know
entrepreneurs out there who are starting these companies in the pet space and they're so dedicated and they have just as much passion and love as I do for their dogs and and they've gone through something completely different than maybe I've gone through with Tate you
know so it's really interesting to be able to um speak with businesses and speak with you know Founders about why they started their company what their goal and what their mission their Drive is why they're doing what they're doing you know challenges they've faced as
women in the industry as you know um just an Entre being an entrepreneur in general there's there's so many things that you know we would we want to touch on in in that space that I think there's just I felt like it wasn't there when I was going through that with Tate you
know and I really want to create that for people and and bring people together and have it be fun and you know really easy and exciting you know to care and like find cool products and great and things at work that that you know we like for our pets
so yeah that's a really powerful no it's a really powerful intention and Powerful Mission and it's it's so clear and evident and I feel like you're going to revolutionize the pet space it's it's it's obvious that your your drive and passion is true and couple of lessons I
took away just listening to you one was this idea I think we live in a world where when we discover something we're passionate about we like to Discount our past experience and make it seem like oh now I found it whatever I did before was
kind of like it was there but now I found it and what I love hearing about from you and and I definitely resonate with what you said it's like actually every stage of your career unlocks the opportunity the ability the ideas the resources the connectivity to do the
next thing and I think if anyone out there is right now you're listening and you're going I hate my job I hate where I am I don't what I'm doing I promise you there's some skill or some lesson or some person or some contact that you met through that that could help you build
the next part of yourself and overall your your business and your Venture and this direction you've gone in is truly a journey of pain to purpose of passion to purpose of using your platform for a purpose and I think that it's such a beautiful example that so many of us no
matter what our pains are what our stresses are what our challenges are that we can transform them into an offering to help other people who are going through the same thing yeah building a brand with um with intention I think and with a purpose to give back
and help I think is really important and something that especially in the pet space I felt was lacking because there's so many areas I would love to tap into out you know just beyond the um cancer funding and um maybe even cancer research and getting into that and
understanding why and how and you know and as well as rescue you know we work with rescue organizations and my Salem my my dog Salem is a rescue and and that's an experience that he's been teaching me about and something that I want I want to make a change and make an
impact in I think for me with Tate and Taylor the most important thing about this business is using it to make make an impact and do good things with it and and use it to help people and help others and help dogs you know help people who have dogs or you know
hopefully animals pets in general we're we'll get there one day we if you have an iguana great maybe we'll be able to help you with that I don't know um who knows where it's going to go that's what's so exciting it's so new and it's so fresh and right now we're dogs right
now so I'm obviously talking about dogs because that's what we are doing currently um I do have the hope and the optimism and the intention to want to do as much as I possibly can um but you know I'm going to focus on one thing and then we can start growing from there and
building on top of that so um in the pet space there's just so much that I want to do and so much I want to accomplish and I want to be able to build something that that helps most importantly and that does give back and that does have a
drive and does have a cause because there is a drive there is a cause and there is a reason behind everything that I'm doing and it's Tate it's dedicated to him it's dedicated to everything he taught me the love I know he has for me the love I have for him and it's for
everyone who's ever felt that way about a dog or a pet in their life it's a dedication to that it's a dedication to that feeling and knowing you want to take care of something you love something so deeply so do we we know that feeling we understand that and we
want to make something and build something with you that is imp ful and and meaningful and helpful and connective and hopefully we can you know build a great community and and have incredible resources for people so you know we're this is just the beginning of
our of our journey with with it and I'm really really excited about it so well congratulations Taylor and we end every episode of on purpose with a Fast Five which have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum I talk a lot before you might have noticed from that so
Taylor Hill these are your final five uh question one is what is the best advice you've ever heard or received best advice is do what you love and the rest will come my dad told me that great answer all right question number two what is the worst advice you've ever
heard or received maybe uh if you ignore it it'll go away or something that's a good one yeah that's absolutely not true good answer uh question number three what's the first you do every morning and the last thing you do every night well I'm really not a morning
person so first thing in the morning I'm like why am I awake what's that alarm why what's happening I'm very disoriented first thing in the morning um and I think I drink coffee I need I need to have a cup of coffee I'm not a morning person
and then at night I love snuggling with my dog kissing Salem and in the past I you know kissing Tate having good night cuddles um you know with if I'm at home with my husband this is more than one sentence I've already failed you know saying good night and you know having
time like you know a connection with with him yeah uh question number four what's something you learned lately something a skill that you picked up a lesson that you learned recently not that recent but lately I've been learning how to cook and doing it better
cool cooking more and being better at it but that's taken time nice it does take time uh Fifth and final question if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow what would it be always grow you know always change like be be willing to grow
and change I don't know how to apply that as a law but I think growth is so important and you know acknowledging past mistakes and growing and changing from them is really important and something I'm still learning and trying to do but I think if we can all work on
that and do that maybe the world could be a better place absolutely well said Taylor Hill everyone Taylor thank you so much for sharing your heart your soul your uh beautiful experiences thank you for being so open and honest with our community and everyone who's been
listening and watching I know that this will have affected you I know you have friends and family you've been through some of these experiences that Taylor shared with us please pass this episode on to them maybe even sit and listen to it with them and hold them through it I
would love for you to use this episode as a way of having some of those uncomfortable difficult conversations and of course check out Tay and Taylor I can't wait for you to uh give your dogs all the love that they deserve and uh want to say a big thank you again to
Taylor for her presence love and energy thank you very much happy to have been here thank you if you love this episode you will also love my interview with Kendall Jenner on setting boundaries to increase happiness and healing your inner child you could be reading
something that someone is saying about you and being like that is so unfair cuz that's not who I am and that really gets to me sometimes but then looking at myself in the mirror and being like but I know who I am why does anything else matter