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How do you hmm That wasn't [ __ ] Hey, what's going on everybody?
Search this video
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For First We Feast, I'm Sean Evans and you're watching Hot Ones.
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It's the show with hot questions and even hotter wings.
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And pull up your jeans mommies because Tommy Buns is in the building.
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He's one of the biggest stand-up comics in the game.
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His latest special Disgraceful is on Netflix now and of course the long-running podcast Your Mom's House hosted by Tom and his wife / fellow comedian Christina P.
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Pause the video, subscribe, it's on YouTube.
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Tom Segura, welcome to the show.
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Thanks for having me, man.
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How are you with spicy food?
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I feel like in recent years and time, I haven't been, you know, actively going after it and I have a lot of fear. But you know what?
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We have the chocolate milk lifeline.
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I think we're going to make it through, Tom. You ready? Like three-year-olds. Let's do it. Oh.
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Children's play right here, man.
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It's a crime to call that spicy, right?
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So now that you have a deep love for hip-hop's golden age, standing for Camp Lo and often telling your audience, "If you don't know who Big Daddy Kane is, you can go [ __ ] yourself." That's right.
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These days there's an intense generational gap debate between hip-hop heads.
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I'm curious, where do you stand on this new breed of rappers birthed from the internet?
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I do have this thing where you you're conscious of the fact that you don't want to be like the old guy cuz you can feel it being like, "Ah, none of this.
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New kids don't know how to rhyme."
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Or whatever dumb take you have on it.
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Um here's actually the real thing about, I think, hip hop is that it became so big that there is a lot of garbage, a lot of [ __ ] because it's so big.
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I remember as a kid going into music stores, you knew everybody because there was like 18 people.
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Queen Latifah, Run-DMC, EPMD, Gang Starr, Rakim, LL Cool J, MC Lyte, and you're like, "That's everybody who raps in the world. That's it."
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So, and they had to be pretty good to get albums and get deals.
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And you know, now it's just it's a huge, you know, the whole entertainment is just huge.
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So, there's going to be [ __ ] and there's going to be good stuff.
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And there's there's good stuff now, for sure.
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Do you have a take on Tekashi 69? [ __ ] that guy.
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Have you had him on this show?
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No, but I really want him on the show. Really? Yeah. For what? You want an education?
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Quote Shakespeare or something?
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Listen, I'm in the eyeballs game. He drags in eyeballs. drag in some eyeballs. Yeah, no.
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I mean, I shouldn't say [ __ ] that guy, but [ __ ] that guy.
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This is your neighbor's version of spicy.
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I'm not even touching that chocolate milk, man. There it is.
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It's inspiring to witness. Mhm.
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So, I wanted to take it back to Mequon, Wisconsin, where I know you played linebacker for the Homestead Highlanders. Mhm.
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Is it true that you used to piss on yourself chanting Crowder style? Okay. No, and yes.
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It wasn't a regular thing.
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I'm just saying it's quite an ordeal to get a football uniform fully together.
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You know, you got the straps and then the toilet is 100 yards away.
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So, I said there was a couple times where I had to go and I was just like, "I mean, you're already sweating and you're covered in dirt." You're like, "Fuck it." Right.
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So, that probably happened a few times.
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I did puke before every game.
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You know, that's kind of a common thing.
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I think everybody has the guy on the team that pukes.
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Yeah, yeah, I would see it one time we were playing Lake Highland, I remember I'm in three-point stance, my you know, my hands in the dirt, and the guy in front of me is like 340 lb, and his So, he's playing offense, and his core you know, the quarterback's like, "Down, set." And he just goes, "Bah!"
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And just pukes all through it all over my arm.
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And I'm like, "You motherfucker!"
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And like, neither one of us flinched.
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He was just like, "That's what happens, you know." Easy. Real easy. No problem. There it is, Tom. Nothing.
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Yo, is it still [ __ ] Nike? [ __ ] Nike, man. 100%.
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I don't [ __ ] with that company.
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Are you still ride or die on three stripes? No.
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I mean, I was in Portland, which I didn't know.
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I always knew Nike was up there.
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I didn't know actually Yeah, they both are. They're both up there.
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I have I heard the best thing about how much they hate each other.
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I did a show up there, and this dude who was opening the show, he was MCing the show, he was doing up there.
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He goes, "Yeah, I used to be a a messenger here in town, but drive, you know, packages around town, and Nike and Adidas are so competitive in Portland that they would know that uh let's say a prototype for a shoe was being put in a box and driven across cuz they have so many properties around town, they would pay you to stop and take pictures of the other one's prototype.
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So, eventually, they started to put timers, and they would know exactly how long the drive should take, and then they would know exactly if you stopped.
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So, they would put decoy shoes in boxes.
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They would start to put locks in boxes.
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I'm like, dude, they'd have probably put [ __ ] in a box if they thought this was going to the gain them an edge.
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And he was like, "Yeah, basically."
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And he goes, "One time, this is make me laugh so hard."
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He goes, "I was on the Nike campus, and I was delivering a package, and an executive stopped me.
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And he was like, 'What the [ __ ] are you wearing?'"
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And and he goes, "I look down, and I'm wearing like just some BS sneakers, you know?
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He goes, do you know how disrespectful it is to walk around our campus and not wear Nikes?
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And the messenger goes, well, I can't afford them.
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So, I'm I'm just wearing what I can afford.
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And the guy goes, all right.
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Stop in the lobby on your way out of here, okay?
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And don't wear that [ __ ] around here again.
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The guy's like, all right, but at the same time he's rejoicing.
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He's like, oh man, this is awesome.
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So, he drops off the package, he goes to the lobby, he's like, hey, I'm so-and-so.
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And he goes, I think you guys have something for me. And they go, yeah.
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And they give it to him, and he walks out to his car, and he opens it, and the guy had left him like the the Walgreens janitor 11s, like the the all black with no logo.
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And he goes, two days later the seals came apart.
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And I just love that that executive could have given them anything, and it would have costed him nothing.
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He would have just been like, leave him a pair of Jordans.
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Leave him some dunk clothes, and he was like, give that guy the biggest piece of [ __ ] shoe we have because he's not worth it.
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That's how savage those guys are.
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It means like he was really actually super pissed.
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You know, like that's like a lesson thing, you know? That's right. That's right. He was so mad.
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He was like, I'm going to give you the shittiest shoes we have. Huh.
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Um, I'm feeling a little bit I didn't see you reach for any chocolate milk. We're still good. We're still good.
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What city would you say has the most savage hecklers? Oof.
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Man, that is a tough one.
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There's a lot of animals out there.
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I mean, one of the craziest shows I've ever had is in Miami. Miami runs on savagery.
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Dude, they would just talk to you in the crowd, like as you're on stage.
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They're like, I don't know about that.
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And you're like, I'm not This isn't a press conference. I'm just doing my thing.
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And it's in two languages.
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People yelling [ __ ] in Spanish to you. Miami's pretty crazy.
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Philly doesn't [ __ ] around.
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Um you got to you got to come with like a little more aggression, I feel like, in those cities. And [ __ ] it.
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I mean, Houston, they're psychos, too.
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And then, my favorite thing that you do on the road is when you troll these local morning shows.
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Like when you went and did River City Live in Jacksonville, they'll announce that you're a gender non-binary.
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Big announcement I wanted to make uh is that last year, you know, uh I came out as poly and bi, and now I'm proud to say that uh I'm non-binary. What is that? Interesting.
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Is there any Is there more to this? Cuz I'm confused.
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What's the reaction to situations like that?
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Do you find that these hosts just sort of blindly go with it?
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Do they know that you're joking?
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Do you ever get chewed out when the cameras cut?
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I've had the full spectrum of reactions.
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That one, that lady was really upset.
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I could kind of tell she was. Yeah.
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There's one part, too, where I was like uh I said something about my gender being from like outer space, and if you see her, she goes like, "Huh."
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Like she really It's kind of like a a a look of disgust.
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And when we cut, she was like, "I don't know what's happening here.
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I don't know" She started talking to like the club person next to me who brought me there.
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She was like, "What is up with this guy?
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He's the weirdest guy I've ever met in my life.
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I don't know how this helps him on his shows."
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But I also told her I was like, "I don't care about shows. I'm a DJ.
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I just care about after-party."
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And she was just like, "I don't get it."
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And then, we got in the car, and she called.
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She was like, "What is up with that guy?"
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I'm like, "I'm right here. We didn't split up."
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She was just really off-put by the whole thing, which ended up actually being kind of my most joyful experience. All right.
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So, this next one is the Los Calientes. Ay, ay, ay. Is this your sauce? Mhm.
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It really is delicious, Sean. Thank you, Tom. Mhm.
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If I were in the market to buy one of these, I would get this one first. Did I do good there? That was great. Okay. We got you a bottle. Oh, great.
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I'll throw a hundo in there, too, for you. Oh, thank you. All right, Tom.
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We have a recurring segment on our show called Explain That Gram, where we do a deep dive into our guest's Instagram, pull interesting pictures that need more context.
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So, I'll bust out the laptop.
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I'll show you the picture, and then you just tell me the bigger story. Does that sound good? Oh, yeah.
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All right, laptop, please. How you doing so far? I'm doing well. You're doing so good.
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All right, first things first. Hey, Tom. Yeah, Mike Tyson.
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That was a wild day, dude.
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Mike Tyson, to me, you know, it's just it's larger than life.
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It's one of those So, I saw him board my flight, and I just it was surreal.
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And I heard these dad boners behind me like boring him to tears.
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And then I was like, I got to try something. And I went up to him.
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He was really nice, and I gave him a DVD.
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Um because at the time, those were a thing.
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And and then I sat back down.
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And he comes back over as I'm seated.
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Puts his hand on my shoulder.
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And he goes, uh he leans into my ear, he goes, "I've been watching a lot of Netflix."
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He just looked at me like like, "Now you talk."
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I was like, "Ah, yeah, like the Netflix is awesome."
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And then he showed me the He's like, "That's on Netflix."
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And I was like, "Yeah, that's that's on Netflix."
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And he goes, "I'm a I'm a big fan." I was like, "Okay."
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And then he goes, uh "Give me your phone number."
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I'm telling everybody, by the way, just that part, you know, I'm telling friends, I call my dad. That's a W.
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Oh, yeah, I'm like, "Mike Tyson's got my phone number." Like, it's crazy.
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And the next day, like an hour before the show, phone rings, and it's him.
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He's like, "I'm coming to your show tonight, man.
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I want to see you do your work."
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Like, he's talking like in fight terms.
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"I want to see you work out and shit."
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I was like, "All right, man."
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He's like, it's you know, like I can't believe you're coming.
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He's like, it's all love, baby.
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So, I go to the club and the guy goes, Mike Tyson is coming, right?
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And I go, yeah, Mike Tyson is coming tonight. He's like, sure.
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He goes, we'll have a whole section for him.
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Him and Sinatra can sit together and tell, you know, he's like totally mocking me. I go up on stage.
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I don't know that he's there.
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I kind of feel like a dumb ass because I had told people about it. Right, right.
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And as I walk off stage, I just feel like like that.
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I was like, god damn, like that is an aggressive fan, you know.
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And then he was like, that's a funny show, brother. I was like, oh my god.
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And then he's like, let's go to the green room.
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So, he took me to my green room, right?
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And then he's just sitting there like ripping through cigarettes, which is also bananas, I think, to see like such a high-level athlete just chain smoking. Chain smoking.
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By the way, he had a guy light his cigarettes. Woah.
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It's one of the most boss moves I've ever seen in my life.
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This dude would run out of he'd uh put one out, grab a pack, put another one he's got come over, here you go, Mike.
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And then he would just stand there like anything else? You going to breathe? Wow. Yeah, pretty wild. Uh-huh.
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How do you That wasn't [ __ ] So, being a comedian in the age of social media, it seems like it adds a degree of difficulty to stand up. Uh-huh.
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And as someone who's a veteran in the game, I'm interested in your perspective on the anatomy of a comedy controversy.
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When you're in hot water, what's it like in the fraternity of comedians?
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Like, do you guys all rally around each other at the store or what is that situation? Definitely.
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Comics usually, like if a comic is in any type of trouble for any type of joke, comics almost always have each other's back cuz they know what you're doing.
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They know that it's an art form.
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They know it's a performance.
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You never hear comedians go, "I was really offended by that."
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So, to them it's almost always a joke.
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And the more offended people are, most comics usually are like, "Man, that's really great."
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What is insufferable to you when you read think pieces by people who aren't in the comedy world?
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What makes you roll your eyes?
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Oh my god, I They're They're rolling back to the other side of my head right now just thinking about it.
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You don't get to decide as a viewer or a writer or a reviewer what the person's intent was who wrote and performed that joke.
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You don't get to decide that.
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Deciding that for them because you're like, "This is how it affected me.
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Therefore, I get to decide." is complete nonsense.
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And also, the idea that a lot of times you'll see these think pieces written, you know, outraged about blah blah and they'll give you a line or two lines and you're like, "Dude, that is not the context in which that was performed."
14:23
First of all, written things hit you way differently.
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When you read something, you could You could type up most comedy specials and just be like, "Here, read this."
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And people would be like, "Oh my god, this is horrific."
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Well, like, "Yeah, of course.
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Because you don't hear the tone.
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You don't know the intent.
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You don't see it within the performance in that space with an audience."
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I actually am one of the people who are like, "Just if it's funny, go for it.
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I don't care who you're talking about.
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I'm a fan of jokes and I like when comics go for it."
15:03
You know what my favorite thing was watching Hot Ones? What?
15:10
I was watching Trick Daddy Dollars with you. Classic. [ __ ] amazing.
15:15
Shout out 305 Overtown Pork and Beans Liberty City Canes of Trash Gold Nose and uh [ __ ] I'm watching him like, is he going to do it? Is Shawn going to do it?
15:29
Interview's going along and you're like, I got to ask you, man.
15:31
You got to ask you about the eat a booty gang.
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You weren't sure if I was going to go there. in there.
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I was like, is it going to come up? And it didn't.
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I was like, this is the greatest interview of all time.
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And my favorite thing about the eat a booty gang is he was fully committed.
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Which is what makes an absurd comedy bit hilarious is the level of commitment.
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But it's not a comedy to him.
15:54
It's he's 100% sincere about eating ass and how you have to do it.
15:59
And those posts, by the way, he's he spoke with the type of conviction like, if you were just to catch part of it, you'd be like, is this what's this guy talking about?
16:09
Is he going to open like a shelter for homeless? What's happening?
16:11
He's like, no, he's he's going to eat your girl's ass if you don't.
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That's what this is about.
16:15
And he would have like a fist in the air. Yeah.
16:17
Even the way he explained it.
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He's like, it's like manners.
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It's like being raised right.
16:21
Like even his Yeah, that which is so [ __ ] amazing. It's pretty hot. Yeah.
16:30
I still have a rich with the milk, but my eyes are watering. Yeah, me too. Maybe I should. There's no shame in it. Okay. Oh. Nice.
16:44
Is it a reprieve of some sort?
16:46
a little bit of the edge off, although it does feel quite temporary. All right.
16:54
God damn, my nose is running. Yeah. Oh god. Yeah. Yeah. Chocolate milk time. Yeah. Mhm.
17:28
You got a [ __ ] question or what?
17:32
So, recently you and I sat down in an office kitchen to settle one of the age-old fast food debates, In-N-Out versus Shake Shack. Yeah.
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And since you were so eloquent and well-reasoned in your defense of In-N-Out, I think now is a great time to settle some of the other time-worn age-old food debates. Okay.
17:50
Should deep-dish pizza be considered pizza? [ __ ] deep-dish pizza. It's thick.
17:52
I'm [ __ ] crying right now. Yeah. And I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like deep dish. One's got to go.
18:02
Steak fries, curly fries, waffle fries. Obviously, steak fries. Steak fries [ __ ] suck.
18:15
Is cheesecake a cake or a pie? I don't know. It's for kids.
18:17
I'm scared to touch my eyes and wipe them. Don't. Don't. Just let it go. Just let it go. Just let it go. Don't make it worse.
18:25
Feel like I should audition like this next time.
18:29
And if I draw a wrong, I'm going to be like, "I told you I'd come back."
18:35
What's the greatest regional fast food chain in your opinion? Oh my god.
18:40
Anything to get away from this [ __ ] That was just a real powerful tear that just went down. Yeah. Mouth's on fire. There's two more. How you feeling, Tom?
18:54
Like I regret coming here.
18:56
I feel like I got to go for it all. Splitting bones. Viewers respect it, man. They do. They do.
19:04
Tom Segura, a man of the people.
19:07
Oh, [ __ ] What did I do? Oh my god.
19:12
So, last January you did a weight loss competition where you lost over 50 lb and I know that it's over, but from where I sit Tom, you're still looking like a snack. Thank you.
19:22
you been doing to keep the weight off?
19:23
I mean this week I boxed twice. Uh one-on-one sessions.
19:28
I did a powerlifting session.
19:28
So I try to work out and I try to avoid sugar.
19:33
What sorts of things do you think about when you hit a wall?
19:38
How disgusted I am with myself. How no one will love me.
19:42
Try to put those thoughts in my head as motivators. What motivates you more?
19:44
Seeing results or getting fat shamed by the internet? Oh, good question.
19:52
Feeling Seeing the results is motivation in that it makes you happy. Right?
19:57
You see the hap- like so you feel joy.
20:01
The shame, the fat shaming from the internet gets you to the gym.
20:02
So it's like you kind of need both.
20:05
You need people to make you feel [ __ ] this is hot. Or huh?
20:12
You need that fear to chase you. Yeah.
20:14
And then you need that happiness to keep you going. That's right. You need both.
20:16
But I mean I you know I know that some people who don't like fat shaming.
20:23
They think it's really bad.
20:27
Uh they they're really against it. I understand that. But they're really fat. How bad is this? It's pretty bad, huh?
20:40
Let me ask you this, you know, the bomb it knocked you on your ass, it knocked me on my ass.
20:46
But I feel like it makes the hellfire a little bit easier.
20:50
It was preparation for it. Right. Yeah.
20:52
And so I think that that's how it goes. Sorry.
20:55
The Hot Ones experience really more of a bell curve than an incline, you know? Really? This is the last dab.
21:00
We call it the last dab cuz it's tradition around here to put a little extra on the last wing.
21:07
You don't have to if you don't want to, Tom.
21:09
I feel like it's, you know, once saying something like that is it's a challenge.
21:14
It's kind of like a backhanded way of saying, "Are you a man?"
21:15
Yeah, it's really like You want to play ball or not? You want to sit here?
21:20
You want to play ball or not? Yeah.
21:24
It's one of the worst experiences of my life. No, this All right. Easy. There you go. Whoa. Whoa. I want this last dab. Try it out. All right. Cheers, Tom. Cheers, bro.
21:44
Thanks for having me, I guess.
21:47
[ __ ] I'm just going to bite right into it, huh? Go for it.
21:55
Tom's a girl cleaning wings. What a G. I'm sweating. Crying.
22:07
But it's actually a handsome glove.
22:09
Looks like you're wearing Fenty. I am. Ah, [ __ ] Mhm. You got it. You got it. All right, Tom.
22:17
Here we are on wing 10, riding a hot sauce high, weakened by the wings.
22:19
Now I just have one more question for you, and it comes from your friend and mine, Bert Kreischer, who wanted me to tell you that he's your best friend.
22:29
He wanted me to make that clear to you. So this is from Bert. Okay.
22:36
Why does Tom think people like him?
22:36
He's befriended some of the biggest comics in the industry and has more famous friends than Trump, but he's not that interesting a guy. He doesn't say much.
22:45
He just stands there like a bump on a [ __ ] log, yet everyone loves him.
22:47
I know why I like him, but I can't figure out why anyone else does.
22:51
What's his secret to making friends? I don't know. I don't know.
23:01
Um I don't know, you know me. Why don't you answer it? Because you know what?
23:05
You're just a good dude, Tom.
23:06
You know, like Comedy Store, it's sold out, it's sold out.
23:10
Hey, Tom, can you get me in to Can you get me in tonight?
23:11
You don't have to, but you do.
23:13
I want you come eat spicy chicken wings on my YouTube channel, you're here.
23:18
You want to debate In-N-Out versus Shake Shack, you're ready to go.
23:21
Tom, that's why I like you.
23:21
That's why you're my friend.
23:23
so much better answer than mine. Thank you.
23:27
Well, you deserve it, my man.
23:27
And look at you, you king.
23:29
Crown on the head from where I stand.
23:32
Now there's nothing left to do but roll out the red carpet for you, Tom.
23:35
This camera, this camera, or this camera.
23:37
Let the people know what you have going on in your life. Uh I almost threw up. I uh I'm on a tour. Go to tomsgura. com.
23:48
I got a great podcast called Your Mom's House. Check it out.
23:53
My friend Bert is fat, but he's still my friend. Don't be mean to him. It's cuz he's gross. That's it. Good job, Tom. Good job.
24:04
All right, real quick, before you get up, I want to read you The mouse on fire. Thanks. Get him a napkin.
24:12
I want to read you the text that uh Bert sent me after that, okay? Okay.
24:18
Uh cuz I asked him, I was like, "Why do you like Tom?" Here's what Bert said.
24:22
The times I've laughed the hardest have always been with Tom.
24:23
And what is fascinating is that in those times, he doesn't steal the moment or make it about him.
24:27
He shares it with you and makes you feel like you created it.
24:29
He's the accelerant to that moment.
24:31
Where some of us force that fire, Tommy just has an innate innate ability to sense that heat, find his way to it, and fan it and make it grow like a fat Johnny Carson.
24:42
What I find fascinating is that in this narcissistic world, where everyone wants to wants to output their moment of greatness, hoping for fame, and insisting on credit for stuff they may or may not have accomplished, he asked for none of it, making the time he spends with you about you. Selfless.
24:55
You walk away thinking, "God, that was [ __ ] fun. I was [ __ ] hilarious.
25:01
Who the [ __ ] told him that would work?" He wrote that? Mhm. Jesus.
25:07
I still don't like him anymore, but that's really nice. That's really awful.
25:10
I I didn't think he was capable of half those words.
25:14
I've never heard him string together a sentence like that.
25:17
I told him, I was like, "I want to call my best friend now and tell him I love him."
25:20
I mean, that's really sweet.
25:20
I'm curious if his wife wrote it, but that's very sweet. That's really sweet. I love you, Bert. Ah.
25:28
Wow, that was really fun. Thank you for having me. Aloha, spice lords.
25:32
If you're wondering why I'm sitting on this beautiful beach, it's because I'm celebrating Los Calientes, the sauce of summer and the newest addition to the Hot Ones hot sauce family.
25:43
This is beach vibes in a bottle.
25:46
Sweet, smoky, spicy, and I might be biased, but I think it's the best hot sauce we've ever made.
25:52
And here's the exciting news.
25:54
If you want to pick up a bottle, it's available now. You know the drill. heatness. com, heatness.
25:58
com for your bottle of Los Calientes. Los Calientes. Muy delicioso.