0:15
Terry, it is so nice to see you again.
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0:18
Thanks for taking the time.
0:19
Good to see you, too, Tim.
0:19
I tell you, it's been a long time. It has.
0:21
And last time we were in person on stage in Los Angeles, now we are remote, still looking at each other via video.
0:28
And for those who can't see where I'm sitting because they're listening to audio, I'm sitting in a studio with a a projection of the skyline of Austin behind me because I had two location failures today.
0:43
This is my third location.
0:45
And, you know, it made me think of something I heard once when I did very little television, which was or it was more of a joke.
0:51
And the joke was why does thunder come after lightning?
0:56
And then the answer was because even God waits for sound.
0:58
And So, I was I was hoping if you could maybe just give people a little bit of connective tissue related to your professional life because people see the red carpet events, they see the TV shows, and they they might assume that it's just like all highlights all day long.
1:17
And I I was just wondering if you could maybe add a little bit of color to what a day in the life actually looks like because there's so much behind the scenes.
1:31
It's seasonal for me, you know, one thing I learned especially now, it's not as you know, entertainment has changed significantly just in the last 5 years, especially after the pandemic of the last 2 years.
1:47
And, you know, streaming has kind of taken over.
1:51
You know, I had a much more structured life before, you know, you do a sitcom, and you you kind of you know, you wake up at 4:00 in the morning, get the workout in, go to the the set, do your whole thing.
2:04
I I usually I I mean, my workout is 2 hours.
2:06
So, no matter what my call time is, I'm up at least 3 hours before my call time so that I can get all my, you know, my workout in, my showering, all that stuff.
2:15
And then I go right into a usual day, but and that's a 12-hour kind of sitcom day.
2:22
You know, when I was doing Brooklyn Nine-Nine for 8 straight years, that was my my go-to.
2:25
And and, you know, that's kind of how the day went.
2:31
But, now with streaming and the way everything is going, people have now started to do limited series.
2:41
And I'm not on Brooklyn anymore, but I am doing, you know, I did a stint on a TV series for AMC called Tales of the Walking Dead, which is going to be really cool.
2:55
But, it it was all in Atlanta, and and and we shot 15 hours, and it was like shooting a movie in 10 days. You know what I mean?
3:04
And that's kind of how everything goes.
3:07
It's always like hurry up, shoot it all, and then now you're down for 2 weeks, 3 weeks finding out what your next thing is.
3:14
But, this is the thing, I never lose my own structure. You know what I mean?
3:20
I you know, wherever I'm at, I have my The first thing I find is where I'm going to work out, what it and then also what I'm going to eat, and also my timing of my eating.
3:31
I still do intermittent fasting.
3:33
I'm going I'm in the beginning of 12 years now, straight, of intermittent fasting and doing my 8-hour window of from 2 to 10.
3:43
And then it it changes by when I go to, you know, whatever time zone I'm in.
3:50
And now it's funny because a lot of I find I can go one meal a day.
3:52
I I actually enjoy skipping that 2:00.
3:59
And then maybe by 3:00 or 4:00 having a charcuterie or something like that with some, you know, real satiating cheese and some, you know, meat. And that's it.
4:08
And then I have a dinner, and then I'm done.
4:11
That's kind of the way I've been doing it lately.
4:13
But the industry changing so much and so much is also on social media.
4:20
You know, it's now they expect every production expects to take all your followers with them.
4:28
You know, so you you're like doing two jobs at the same time.
4:30
And this is where I had to really, really kind of push back a little bit because too much phone time is just not good for you. Yeah.
4:43
Like I never bring my phone when I'm working.
4:46
I leave my phone in the trailer.
4:49
I find that if you have, you know, if I lose my focus, I could lose my career.
4:56
And the lack of focus that comes from always checking our email, always checking our posts and looking at what people are commenting on and this kind of stuff, man, it it slowly but surely changes you.
5:11
And I I saw it happening in in my performances, you know, and I only did it for a small time because I immediately started to see a decline in my performances.
5:23
It didn't look like I was there. I didn't feel present.
5:25
I I was somewhere else while I was saying the lines.
5:29
And I said, "Man, this is going to hurt me."
5:33
So I I learned to just kind of leave all and create a seasonal kind of thing with my social media.
5:39
Just kind of like And what was crazy and what I I figured out, I didn't lose any followers.
5:46
You know, I didn't In fact, I would gain some, you know, people are like, "Where you been?"
5:49
You know, I'm going, "Oh my god."
5:50
Cuz you get this feeling or you got to feed the beast. You know what I mean?
5:53
Like if you don't if you don't keep the pipeline running, all of a sudden you're just going to run dry, but I found it wasn't true.
6:04
I found that when it was when I'm doing America's Got Talent and it's time to promote and time to get your social media back up and running, it's like people never left. Yeah.
6:15
And I was like, man, that was a really good thing to find out.
6:17
You know what I'm saying?
6:19
Good to test early and learn that you can do it. Yeah.
6:21
And again, I try to go to bed as early as I can.
6:23
Like if I can get to bed literally at 8:30, I'm gone.
6:29
Because I just enjoy my mornings.
6:31
Like with my workout, it's my peace, man. I put my headphones on.
6:34
I'll listen to your podcast.
6:36
I'll listen to some I read a lot of good books via audiobook.
6:44
While I'm working out, that just give me the insights and the and the thing that I need and I I I literally I probably read a book a week at least.
6:55
And sometimes two if it gets really rolling, if the book is the books are short.
7:00
But I find that it the reading just really keeps me keeps me level level-headed in a world of quick blurbs and and people who want to excite everyone else and get everybody riled up.
7:14
One thing I like to say is the media likes to get everyone angry and keep them there.
7:20
Because it's very profitable, you know, but reading calms all that down.
7:22
You know what I'm saying?
7:26
And it's kind of like a very it's a very realistic way of looking at life, you know what I mean?
7:31
It's like as a as opposed to blowing through the day, it's like you're enjoying a sunset when you read a book.
7:37
You know what I'm saying?
7:39
That's the analogy that I I I have for that.
7:43
And it gives me great perspective.
7:45
Sometimes I read books on people that I wouldn't normally, you know, listen to or understand or try to understand.
7:52
And then you get a deep You get a new empathy for different people.
7:56
You may not all You may not even agree, but I can definitely empathize with points of view and where people are coming from.
8:04
And it gives nuance where there is I mean, the death of nuance has been kind of what's happening lately. You know what I mean? So, sharp contrast.
8:14
So, I have I've probably 27 footnotes that I've made for follow-up questions on what you just said.
8:20
So, let me let me jump into some of them.
8:22
We'll start with the end first.
8:24
Are there any books, audiobooks, anything that you've kind of consumed long-form that has stuck out to you or that has been memorable in the last Could be 6 to 12 months, 2 years.
8:38
It's been a while since you and I saw each other.
8:39
It feels recent on one hand, but it's also quite a while ago. There is a book.
8:49
I'm trying to It's And Walter Isaacson is like my favorite biographer.
8:51
You know, this man, he gets so in-depth. He's great.
8:55
It's like you're living a life with these people as you read it. You know what I mean?
9:01
And I believe what is the one Oh my god, it's about It's with Jennifer Do- Doudna and how she The Code Breaker?
9:11
I think the Code Breaker. Yes, Code Breaker. Oh my god.
9:12
That Let me tell you, man.
9:16
And I'm a big science guy.
9:20
And for people who don't know, this is CRISPR-related.
9:21
I mean, there's a lot more to it, but very CRISPR-related.
9:25
Well, she Jennifer was this biologist who basically helped develop CRISPR.
9:28
But what happened while I was reading the book, it blew me away because I learned about and it's the first time I heard it, but it was all about James Watson, you know, Watson and Crick, his teammate.
9:44
They basically discovered the whole the helix the structure of the double helix.
9:51
The structure of the double helix and the whole thing, but you know, James Watson went public about how he felt that uh the intelligence of blacks were inferior to everyone else because of their genes.
10:08
And you got to understand, as I'm reading this book, uh my it my heart just sunk into my stomach.
10:14
I was like, "Wow, this is the man who is probably going to be go down in annals of history as being, you know, this innovator, this this person that really solved so many problems, but here he is creating a new one right at the same time."
10:34
It hit me really, really hard because this is another thing.
10:37
There was a level of success you get to that it actually can harm you. Mhm.
10:46
One example is even when I watched The Last Dance, the Michael Jordan documentary.
10:51
And And Michael Jordan is one of the greatest athletes of all time. But was he happy? Yeah.
10:56
When you look at the the whole doc, you go, "My God, like here's a man who's who's like I don't know if we could really say that he was a actually fulfilled in any of this.
11:10
In fact, you know, a lot of teammates, a lot of people were like he was one of the people that you really didn't want to be around. You know what I mean? And this is a quandary.
11:19
This is not a a judgment on Michael Jordan, but it's it's like myself included.
11:27
You know, I was the guy who had what I what everyone would say was everything and and was great, but I had all these other things wrong at the same time.
11:35
And here I was, I was successful, I was popular, and everybody liked me, and the whole thing, but you know, my wife was ready to leave.
11:48
She's like, I can't put up with it anymore.
11:49
And um and that reminded me a little bit of James Watson's conundrum. You know what I mean?
11:56
It was like here he is, one of the smartest men on earth, and he's got this thing so wrong.
12:03
But see, this is how we think even as men.
12:05
We think whoever runs the business is the guy with the biggest bench press.
12:11
And you're like, but that makes no sense.
12:12
Like, yo, but I have the biggest bench press, so I I get to say what goes on in this business.
12:17
But that doesn't mean you know anything about inventory or you know, but it's it's such a wild take where you're like you're misrepresenting here.
12:31
And for me I look at those things and these things in in in Hollywood and science and politics and almost every genre of of what you would call life and and I say, man that's that's the mistake we could always make.
12:53
And we can never forget that.
12:55
And we have to humble ourselves.
12:55
We have to really really understand that we're all just beginning even even when you've succeeded, when you've got this thing, you got your you're still starting at day one every day.
13:09
And is the mistake think just assuming that you know more than you know, or that to you are you have more certainty in more places than you actually do.
13:19
Is that the the the the crux of the issue or is there would you describe it a different way?
13:25
You know what I would describe the mistake is?
13:28
The mistake to me is self-righteousness. Mhm. That's the mistake.
13:31
The mistake is you have deemed yourself self-righteous.
13:37
And And when you are self-righteous, you can now do the most heinous inhuman things to other people because you feel right.
13:50
Because you you know in your heart you're right.
13:52
And but for thousands of years And this is the thing where it is is so crazy because now we can we can mix everything up.
14:03
Cuz people have I think there's a lot of conflating going on even with racism.
14:07
People say, "Well, that's racist."
14:07
Well, actually a lot of it is self-righteous. You know what I mean?
14:13
And if you define the problem correctly, you can actually deal with the problem correctly.
14:17
And self- But And this is the thing about self-righteousness is that you can be black and self-righteous.
14:24
You can be gay and self-righteous.
14:24
You can be you know, white self-righteous.
14:28
You can be a policeman and self-righteous.
14:29
You can be all kinds of things. It doesn't matter.
14:33
You can be poor and self-righteous.
14:37
But we have these things, especially in Hollywood, where it's like you're poor now you got the upper hand, you know more, and you're the downtrodden, and you're this and that.
14:46
It's kind of like vic- what I call victimology, where it's like you've created a hero out of anyone who's been who's been abused or or hurt.
14:57
But the issue is is also there's two ways to be self-righteous.
15:02
You can be, you know, you can have like the divine right of kings.
15:04
You can be like, "I was born this way."
15:06
Or you can say, "I've suffered more than anybody else." Mhm.
15:12
So now I get to say how everything goes. You see what I mean? I do.
15:17
I think a lot of people have never looked at the other side. You know what I mean?
15:23
It's just like someone who's suffered a lot is immediately given all this this play.
15:29
But my thing is is that Mhm, but you still have to respect other people.
15:36
You still have to understand that you are no better than the others.
15:40
It's And the phrase I've used before and will continue to use is that it's really How can you compare your suffering to another person? You know what I mean?
15:50
It's kind of like it's not the oppression Olympics. It's just not.
15:56
You know, you can't We got rights.
15:56
We get to be right because we've suffered the most. Yeah.
16:03
And I always look at that and have to examine it even in the light of my own suffering and my own thing.
16:09
And let me tell you, no one has basically been a victim more than Terry Crews. Okay? I had victimology down.
16:17
I was like, "Okay, my my father was abusive.
16:20
My You know, I grew up I'm I'm black. I grew up poor. I grew up in the hood.
16:26
I grew I had every excuse in the book." You know what I mean?
16:31
And I felt justified in my self-righteousness. And I used that.
16:37
I used that against my family.
16:39
I used that to manipulate people.
16:43
I used that you know, in order to to gain things that I never earned.
16:50
Cuz I knew people would give me the benefit of the doubt because of my background. I knew I could use that.
16:55
But in the end when all said and done, I it did not leave me fulfilled because I knew these things didn't play.
17:08
Like the problem with with victimology is all those excuses they work for a minute.
17:14
Like but they they expire very quickly. You know what I mean?
17:20
Like, I like to call it an expired credit card.
17:24
You know, it's kind of like your excuses, they have a valid date, but it expires like really fast.
17:28
And then you got you try to use it the next day and you get declined. You know what I mean?
17:35
And it's kind of like every excuse you ever wanted to you to use, there's a time when it doesn't work anymore.
17:44
I would love to hear more about your your personal experience.
17:46
So, you had, as you mentioned, victimology down. Yeah.
17:50
And then at some point you reflected back on that and with self-awareness and then changed behavior or your perspectives, how you approach things.
18:03
Were there any particular triggers?
18:03
Was there a particular day?
18:05
Could you sort of tell a story or give us an example of something that catalyzed that change?
18:13
Because for a lot of people, if they have any perspective, they may not change that.
18:16
They may not actually have a trigger to turn it inward and take a look at that.
18:23
So, could you describe what happened?
18:25
Well, you know, in our house, we call it D-Day.
18:30
It was the day everything changed and and you know, I've made a I've gone public a lot about my pornography addiction.
18:40
And then there's a lot of people who who say you could never really be addicted to pornography or whatever and and it's always been said that, but all I knew was I couldn't stop. That's all I knew.
18:53
For me, it was a numbing device.
18:53
It was something that I went to when I was sad, when I was happy.
19:01
And I always went back to it and it left me unfulfilled and I had to get to get more just to get a feeling of fulfillment, but then you know, I would be left empty again.
19:11
So, it just it was a cycle I couldn't stop.
19:15
But it was also a secret that I held from my family and my wife and the whole thing and my wife finally confronted me on it.
19:24
And let me tell you what was what was so wild and and really really strange is that I was the question I was asking was, "Why doesn't she believe me?"
19:37
But the question I should have been asking was, "Why did I lie?" You know what I mean? Like think about that.
19:45
There's two same It's It's all in the context is the same.
19:47
And I'm sitting here lying and wondering why she won't believe me. That's all out focused. It was all her.
19:56
It was the responsibility was on her in order to to make me right.
19:59
Like, "You should believe me cuz I'm telling you this." But I was lying. I was lying.
20:07
I don't I don't I don't do any of this.
20:08
No, I don't have a problem.
20:10
I don't I don't do any of this.
20:10
And then it And why doesn't she believe me?
20:14
But once it it switched into why am I lying?
20:20
All of a sudden it went inward.
20:23
All of a sudden I had to ask myself the questions I had been avoiding for years and years and years.
20:31
And it was like, "Hey man, you have an issue.
20:34
Why aren't you doing something about it?"
20:37
And And like I said, and I would pull out that card of excuses and this and I would say, "Well, you know, you I'm I'm a man and you know, men we need to we I have a high sex drive and this kind of stuff."
20:50
And I'll pull out that card and then my wife declined it.
20:55
That credit card was done. It was expired. And she was out. And you know what, Tim?
21:04
What's so crazy is that I was like, "Fine. Bye. Leave.
21:08
You know, I'm Terry Crews.
21:08
I can get any woman I want. In fact, I will. And you know what?
21:15
This is a normal thing in Hollywood.
21:18
Divorce is is pretty normal and it's not a big deal.
21:24
In fact, my career won't suffer and nobody cares if I lose my family.
21:29
Hollywood certainly doesn't."
21:32
And as you And then I listened to myself talking like that.
21:38
And I went, "Who are you?"
21:41
Like, I didn't like that guy.
21:43
And I started to have internal conversations with myself and I was like, "Man, this is not who you say you are."
21:54
And I realized I was two different people.
21:57
And when you have a double life, when you you And when I say double life, what I mean is I was more concerned with the image.
22:07
I was more concerned with the image of Terry Crews rather than who Terry Crews really was.
22:15
And I And it was two different people.
22:18
And once I started to try to put them together, my world crumbled.
22:25
Everything that I knew, everything that I I was around, everything that I thought I stood for.
22:33
I thought I was like, "Yeah, you know, women are equal and the whole thing."
22:37
But nothing in my behavior would would would do that or even said that.
22:44
And in fact, I thought I was more valuable than all the women in my life simply because I was a man.
22:51
Simply because of the culture.
22:51
I was in I grew up in black culture, in hip-hop culture, in sports culture, and there was a lot of misogyny.
22:59
It was a lot of, "You're the man, dog.
23:01
Hey man, you better get your girl in line.
23:05
You know, that kind of these kind of words, these kind of and it wasn't looked at it was looked at as like, yo man, you know, you control your wife or your girl. You actually owned her.
23:17
I remember in the NFL going to the strip club and we'd be in the club and with all the guys and the whole thing and the girls be up there on stage and one of them would come down and actually want to talk to the players and I would look at her like, okay, you know, she'd start talking, you know, I got to get you know, I got to get to do this for my kids and then it and you're like, shh, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
23:43
You're like, you're ruining the experience because you're becoming a human being right before my eyes.
23:51
I like you to be a picture.
23:51
I want you to be a doll, a a mannequin.
23:58
I mean, Tim, once you start I I I I mean once you open that can of worms, it's literally like a domino effect.
24:07
Like everything started to fall on itself.
24:12
And I said I I went through a huge huge just and then and now I got to say this because in my culture, where I grew up, you know, therapy was looked at as ridiculous and because they I where I grew up it was like, you can't cure crazy. That was the term.
24:35
You know, it was like, if you're crazy, you can't cure it.
24:38
I my father being an alcoholic, he went to a psychologist one time and uh and I remember I was probably around 12, 13 years old and I'm like, wow, I think you know, my my dad's finally going to get some help and the whole thing and uh dude, it was crazy because uh like a week later the psychologist killed himself.
24:57
It was on the front page of the newspaper. god.
24:59
And I went, that don't work.
24:59
You know, my my whole mindset was like, huh?
25:06
Like, did my father kill him?
25:06
Like, you know, did he did he say something that made this guy jump off a bridge?
25:09
And he got literally jumped off a bridge. And I was like, what? That doesn't work.
25:17
And so I had in my mind that all this therapy stuff is mumble jumbo.
25:23
You know, and so there was a there was a block.
25:26
There was a resistance to that.
25:28
And I I finally saw a counselor who said, you need to go to this place and get some therapy.
25:33
And I was like, oh no, you know.
25:38
And I remember and my wife said, look, you know what?
25:40
If you don't do this, like there's no hope of us ever coming back together cuz we had split up at that time.
25:49
And so I went and I said, all right, I'll give it a shot.
25:50
And I'm sitting in in this room with these people and Terry, may I interject for one second? Oh yeah, go ahead. One question.
25:57
So did did you guys sort of split at that point or were things on ice because of how you handled the situation, D-day and that conversation, or was it the subject matter, like the addiction itself and other things?
26:14
I guess I'm asking, was it what you did or was it how you handled what you did or something else?
26:21
It was what I did because what happened was I confessed to a infidelity that happened 10 years earlier.
26:31
As a result of this addiction.
26:31
Because, you know, I I went to a massage parlor and got a hand job and I vowed I would never ever tell anybody.
26:40
You know, it was one of those things, but I was it was at the beginning of my career.
26:43
I was I was in Vancouver. I was by myself.
26:45
I thought I would never be there.
26:48
I thought I'd never do something like that, but you know, it was wild because I found myself in those circumstances and I did it, but I vowed I would never tell.
26:56
I was like, I'm taking this secret to the grave, man.
27:00
This is never ever coming out, but my wife constantly she was like, "No, you did something."
27:05
She said, "There's something you're not telling me." And she knew.
27:08
And again, like I said, I was lying the whole time, you know, and she could feel that, you know?
27:15
I mean, you could feel when your significant other is not telling you the truth.
27:19
And it was just It was something she didn't know.
27:24
And when I told her, I remember just It came out and I remember she was just going, "That's it." Like, "Wow. Who am I living with?" Like, she had no idea.
27:38
And that was the thing because I was I had put an image in front of her.
27:42
And I And then what was so crazy is that she was married to this image. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to her.
27:48
There was no honesty in the relationship because you have to cover a lie with another lie.
27:55
And then it just keeps continuing to grow.
27:57
I mean, we were We were getting farther and farther apart is what was happening. And she was She knew it. She felt it.
28:06
And that was the D-Day moment. And she said, "I'm out." She's like, "That's it. You can't come home.
28:15
And if you have to show me that you want this, that you want actually want to do something."
28:19
And I like I said, in the beginning I was like, "I I'm fine."
28:23
And then I realized I was like, "You know what?"
28:25
Cuz the whole thing was it was about her.
28:29
And it's little bitty questions.
28:29
It was just like, man, you know, maybe it's me.
28:34
And the real realization that hit me that it was me. That it was.
28:39
And I I have to say this, going into therapy, all the the great thing about therapy, and especially with addiction therapy was just the 12 steps.
28:51
You know, the 12 steps they work for every sort of addiction.
28:56
Be it drugs, alcohol, sex.
28:59
All these things and it starts with like the Serenity Prayer, which is help me to accept the things that I can't change and the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference, okay?
29:13
But you have to understand, men especially in my world you live life as if you're in a revenge movie.
29:23
I'm I'm laughing because I I'm a lot smaller than you are, but I understand. You know what I mean? I get it. I get it.
29:30
Hey, movies like that, man, like Payback and Death Wish and Oh, Wrath of Man.
29:35
I mean, there's a long list. Yeah.
29:38
Why Oh, Wrath of Man, Taken.
29:41
This thing where you get on the phone and you tell the guy, "I'm going to hunt you down.
29:45
I'm going to take you and your crew out one by one and you're going to die slow."
29:51
You know, it's it's like on Fire, also a good one.
29:55
Oh my god, and you make them pay for everything.
29:58
You make them pay for everything they ever did to you. That's the male fantasy. IT'S BETTER THAN SEX.
30:09
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, LIKE TIM, IT'S LIKE, "Oh my god."
30:10
You can you can literally sit in the theater LIKE, "MAN." OH.
30:19
BUT THIS IS THE PROBLEM, TIM.
30:19
This is the problem, man.
30:21
I found out and this is so crazy.
30:24
You can either have success or revenge, but you can't have both. It blew my mind.
30:35
And when you're talking about getting revenge this is why I even alluded to the 12 steps was because revenge is trying to control things you can't control. You know what I mean?
30:49
It's literally like you've lost it and now you just got to even the score.
30:54
You know, most of us are all about settling scores, you know?
30:59
But the thing is the score is never really settled. Things just get worse.
31:05
Things tend to fall apart.
31:05
I bring up incidents where the things where I I used violence.
31:13
I was the kind of guy I even start my book out where I talk about how I beat this man up on the street, man, for disrespecting my wife.
31:21
And this was in Pasadena.
31:21
This was around oh, I would say 2008, 2009.
31:29
And this guy he basically talked disrespectfully to my wife and she was just like whatever, but I put this dude out.
31:36
I mean, literally put his head on the concrete.
31:39
And the police came and it was a big hullabaloo, man.
31:43
And I the only way I got out of it was because there was a guy in the crowd who was like, "No, no, no, you know, I saw the whole thing, officer.
31:53
This guy came up there and they were bothering them too." and the whole thing. So I got away with it.
32:00
But it was way out of it was way too big a reaction for what was done.
32:07
But that was me settling my scores.
32:09
Here's the revenge movie, you know?
32:12
And my wife pulled me to the side and we went home and she said, "Terry, she said, you have to promise me.
32:18
Promise me that you will never ever do anything like that again." And I was like, "What?
32:23
I mean, you need to be protected."
32:25
And he she said, "I wait a minute." She said, "I got this.
32:28
But you are going to lose everything you have."
32:34
She said, "You're going to get sued, you're going to get shot and injured, or you may be killed by someone who you go up against on the wrong day, or a police officer.
32:45
You know, like, you can't go around and putting people on their head like this.
32:52
And she told me I was just like I was like, "Nah, I don't I I I I said I got to.
32:56
This is This is my thing. This is me being a man.
32:57
This is what this is about. This is me being tough."
33:03
And she said, "No, Terry."
33:03
She said, "You got to promise me. Promise me." And I said, "Okay. All right. I promise. I promise."
33:11
And I I don't even think I meant it, you know, at the time.
33:17
But, I made a promise to her that I was going to going to take the the righteous path and be less violent, you know, and not or non-violent, and try to handle things in a non-violent way.
33:28
And little did I know in the future it would actually save my life. In so many ways. So many ways.
33:35
And And what I mean is is by not choosing revenge, cuz that's what that is.
33:41
Is when you put somebody on You know, the whole thing is a little bit like you're playing chess, and you don't know the right right move, so you turn over the board.
33:55
That was my answer for everything. You know what I mean?
33:57
Like, I'm stuck on a move, instead of thinking my way out of it, my answer was just turn everything over. Yeah.
34:04
That was my answer for everything.
34:07
And it led me to a very very hollow existence.
34:13
So, there I was in therapy trying to figure my life out, and trying to control the things that I couldn't control.
34:19
Cuz you can't control people.
34:22
You can't control what people say to you.
34:25
And a lot has been said about even my friend Chris Rock, and my friend Will Smith, and what just happened at the Academy Awards. Right.
34:34
And I there was a time when I was Will Smith.
34:39
But what saved me was when I was the time I was Chris Rock.
34:44
And it didn't descend into chaos.
34:44
I decided to what you would call take an L for one day, but actually win the whole war.
34:56
The other thing in therapy I discovered is when you can have the courage to change the things you can.
35:03
And let me tell you this, there was so because of victimology, I had given up control on probably every aspect of my life.
35:13
I it was it was always up to somebody else.
35:17
Even where I where I worked, what I did, it was always someone else's decision.
35:24
And then I found out I had a lot more power than I realized.
35:26
I was like, if I just work on me, if I stop pointing at everyone else, and I just put 100% into improving myself, all of a sudden, things started to change, Tim.
35:44
I have to tell you, man, that first year was really really hard coming out of therapy.
35:50
And I mean, I was there in and out for a while.
35:51
We would do it by phone, we'd go back in.
35:54
It was a place called Psychological Counseling Services in Phoenix.
35:58
And and they had dealt with a lot of people who had to got who had really lost everything because of these kind of addictions.
36:08
And it was really it was wild because I thought, can I change?
36:10
I was getting triggered every 5 minutes.
36:13
I was like, I don't know.
36:16
But what was happening is as I continued to work on myself, I began to change. I changed.
36:23
I slowly but surely started to things the way I needed to see them, you know?
36:30
And And what's so crazy about belief is when you believe you're different, you slowly start to become different.
36:38
You have to believe it first, you know what I mean?
36:40
Terry, would you mind giving an example?
36:41
It would be very helpful because I I think from the outside looking in, people see this incredible physical specimen.
36:50
Certainly, in all my interactions with you and your descriptions and stories and private mentors, you've done a lot of self-development and you've worked on yourself a lot.
37:01
Could you give an example from that chapter during or after therapy of something that you worked on or a belief that you gave attention to?
37:12
I can tell you a distinct example that let me know I was different. We were on vacation.
37:18
And And it Wait, and it's so innocuous and small and tiny, but it was so powerful.
37:27
We were on vacation and my son, who's who's 16 now, but he was probably 4 years old, and I have five total kids, you know, four daughters and my son, and we were out to dinner and he spilled his water all over the table.
37:46
And it was all over me, it was all over everybody, and I just said, "Hey, man." I said, "That's okay. We'll get a towel."
37:54
And I said, "Hey, man, we People make mistakes. It's okay." You know?
37:56
And I started dabbing up the water and the whole thing.
38:00
Now, that sounds like nothing.
38:02
The whole table was looking at me like this.
38:07
I mean, they just were froze, like eyes bugged out, like, "What is this?"
38:09
And you have to understand, Tim, the way I was was like, "What is wrong with you? What?
38:20
I mean, you Didn't you see the water right there?
38:22
You Now, you what you're going to You know, you you got me wet, you got this wet.
38:26
You You caused this I paid for this dinner.
38:30
You guys can't stay stay still.
38:32
You guys are not paying attention.
38:34
I mean, I would have went off.
38:38
Tim, I can't count the family events and the things that we went to do that I ruined.
38:47
Now, you have to also have to understand that these things were happening also because with my addiction comes guilt. You know you're lying. You know what I mean?
38:58
You know what you're doing.
39:01
So, you take it out on everyone else.
39:01
I would snap at the end of at the drop of a hat.
39:08
And it was because I was angry with me because I couldn't control myself.
39:15
So, I would go off on everyone else.
39:18
This is common like you know, where you're your projection. That's the term.
39:23
And I was projecting my own guilt onto everyone else. And I was that guy.
39:27
I have to say I still I have adult children right now that I still apologize profusely for how they grew up.
39:36
The Terry Crews that I was back then was he was my way or the highway. It was vicious.
39:47
Now, this is the thing, Tim. And again, I was Mr.
39:50
Self Help still and and the whole thing is I never I I never hit my wife cuz I was like, "My mom went through that."
39:56
So, my idea of what I was comparing myself to what I saw and I was like, "I'm way better than that."
40:06
You know, what I grew up in Well, it was like, man, people women were getting smacked like with impunity.
40:10
And it was expected that you were to beat your wife.
40:16
It was expected that you owned your kids and you beat them within an inch of their lives. You know what I mean?
40:21
And so I'm like, I'm better than that.
40:23
Look at I mean, you guys are living a good life.
40:29
And you ought to be lucky. You know what I mean?
40:31
And but it was still cruel. It was cruel. It was self-righteous. Yeah.
40:37
That self-righteousness that I had a mix in with the guilt that I already felt it really kept my family in this this kind of cage.
40:50
And in an attempt to control them, in an attempt to control my family, and control the way they thought, and control everything, control the fact that you spilled the water. You know what I mean? Yeah.
41:01
And man, my wife looked at me when when I just dabbed that water up and didn't lose a thing.
41:09
And I'm And I'm telling you, man, I didn't even I wouldn't have perceived it. She said, "Oh my god."
41:18
And she pulled me to the side.
41:18
She said, "Terry, you're different." Man, I'm I'm sorry.
41:25
It's I mean, just even imagine going back to that moment. I was like, "What?"
41:30
She was like, "Terry, you're different. You changed. You changed."
41:38
And it hit me that all And this is years later.
41:40
This is years into the therapy, you know, years into constantly working on myself.
41:47
And my behavior started to change.
41:50
And I'm going to fast forward a little bit to 2017 is when I think I believe What was crazy, we were still going through it last time we talked, but um I talked about the time my agent assaulted me at a at a party in Hollywood.
42:09
And the whole thing was I mean it was so degrading.
42:15
And so I mean I pushed him off.
42:15
I was like what is your problem?
42:17
I don't know what his problem was.
42:21
I think he was on he was high or whatever.
42:22
I don't know what he was doing but it was all I could say is this here this guy he's the head of the motion picture department at William Morris Endeavor my own agency and he grabs my crotch in the middle of this party and I'm going to get off me.
42:40
What the hell are you doing?
42:42
Now my first instinct cuz the what I had done my whole life is to put people on their head.
42:49
And I could have killed this guy.
42:51
I mean I don't I don't even think that there's anybody who could who would even doubt my ability to murder this man.
42:57
You know it's like not the question here.
43:02
But I remembered my promise.
43:05
And I remembered my therapy.
43:07
And I remembered the water.
43:12
I mean I remembered that I was different.
43:19
And I said you know what this the whole phrase responsibility is is just that. The ability to respond.
43:30
I can choose how I'm going to act in this way.
43:35
And I went against decades of programming and said no. No.
43:45
I grabbed my wife's hand and we walked out.
43:49
Now Tim, I'm going to tell you I got in the car.
43:50
I was going to drive the car right back to the club.
43:52
I'm trying to like terminate. You know what I mean?
43:55
Again, the movie never stopped.
43:55
The revenge movie was still there Tim.
43:57
Like I was going to turn around and drive right through the front door.
44:04
And just start blazing on everybody.
44:04
I was like that was in my head. But I kept driving.
44:11
And I remember not even seeing where I was going.
44:14
And I ended up in the driveway.
44:17
And I remember my wife's voice echoing over and over.
44:20
She said, "I'm proud of you, Terry. I'm proud of you, Terry. I'm proud of you."
44:26
Cuz she's there She was there. She saw the whole thing.
44:30
She said, "I'm so proud of you. I am so proud of you."
44:33
And it kept me and it held me.
44:37
Man, and now when I say it saved my life, the question is is would anyone have believed me had I knocked this guy out?
44:47
That's the question I like to give to anybody.
44:51
I could have said, "Yeah, he did this and whatever."
44:52
And and and and and everyone would have looked at me like, "Wait a minute, he's a head of William Morris. That makes no sense. Why would he do that?"
45:03
And you knocked him out maybe cuz you were angry about something.
45:05
There you are, super big, muscular, angry black man who probably got pissed off, probably was drinking too much.
45:13
And I don't drink at all.
45:17
But everyone would have had a picture of what happened that night that I would not have been able to overcome at all.
45:28
And like I said, I even asked the head of William Morris. I asked Ari Emanuel.
45:34
I said, "Man, if I'd have knocked him out, would you have had any mercy on me?"
45:40
And he said, "No, Terry, we wouldn't." We wouldn't.
45:45
And I was like, "Damn it."
45:47
I think this is the world we live in.
45:49
And think about this when I when I look at the jails that are full right now of young black men, old black men. How many were baited? How many were pulled?
46:02
How many were tricked into reacting in a way?
46:05
How many were were baited into turning that chessboard over? And it's so easy.
46:13
Because again, it's the revenge movie.
46:16
You know, it's so easy because that's what you're supposed to do. Tim, let me tell you.
46:20
Right now, in our community, in the black community, there is an expectation that if anybody calls you [ __ ] you knock him out. That's the reaction.
46:32
I mean, this was told to me many, many times.
46:35
And it and it's told to each other.
46:37
Like, man, if you There videos on Tik Tok about when it happens, you see it.
46:43
Somebody calls somebody a [ __ ] and and all of a sudden, you knock the guy out, no matter what.
46:51
But the thing is, and the thing that hit me, and it hit me hard, was that I would only really be offended if I felt I was a [ __ ] But there there's no such thing as a [ __ ] So, why would you offend me?
47:13
See, I had to examine all of these things.
47:15
Like, it's like calling Bill Gates broke.
47:19
He would look at you and laugh. Like, hm. Okay. You know what I mean?
47:25
And so, if anybody ever called me [ __ ] I can look at you and go, hm. No, that's not it.
47:33
And I can count it to ignorance instead of it being a bait and a switch and a trigger in order for someone to get me into a position that would make me vulnerable.
47:47
And I was Let me do And let me tell you, Tim, this stuff is tough.
47:53
This is why I called the book tough.
47:55
Because it's it's hard to do. It's very very hard.
48:03
So, I want to dive into I'm actually going to pull up a couple of paragraphs about the book because I've been looking forward to this conversation for many reasons.
48:12
And the title for folks just so they get the idea tough my journey to true power.
48:16
So, I want to read just an abbreviated two paragraphs and then launch into a question about this.
48:23
So, from Brooklyn 99 star Terry Crews the deeply personal story of his lifelong obsession with strength and how after looking for it in all the wrong places he finally found it.
48:30
Now, there are several paragraphs but I'm going to leave those for now and come to the the last that I have in this little blur which is with tough Crews journey of transformation offers a model for anyone who considered themselves a tough guy in quotation marks but feels unfulfilled anyone struggling with procrastination or self-sabotage and anyone ready to achieve true lasting self-mastery.
48:50
So, let me combine that and I apologize for the long question but it'll it will have a question mark at the end of it.
49:01
A quotation that I love that I believe you also love which is from Ralph Waldo Emerson which is God will not have his work made manifest by cowards. Yes.
49:11
And the reason I bring that up is that my experience also just being male and priding myself on having certain characteristics or developing certain types of strength is that you don't want to be perceived as a coward.
49:28
You don't want to perceive yourself as a coward.
49:31
So, how do you think about the and I think the reason many people many men let's just say respond hyper aggressively in different situations is to prove to themselves and others that they're strong and not weak.
49:46
So, how do you and this might sound like a funny question but sort of demonstrate strength.
49:55
Think about strength so that you don't have that self-perception.
49:58
Maybe Maybe that's a bad question, but I'd love to just see where that goes because if someone I I feel like for for someone to have the ability to walk away, they need to have supreme confidence on some level in their own strength or that maybe that self-perception.
50:13
So I'd love to hear you speak to any of that in any direction that might make sense.
50:20
Listen, I understand your question.
50:22
Because that was the the conundrum that I dealt with when even when my wife challenged me on this stuff.
50:26
I was like, "But what if somebody does this?"
50:27
And you know, and the thing is is that toughness in supremely hyper-masculine world is about how hard can you give a punch.
50:40
But what I found is that there's a there's a toughness in a right kind of world is how you take them.
50:49
There's two way like to be a great boxer, you have to learn how to take them. You know what I mean?
50:54
The greatest boxers in the world took punches. That's the issue.
51:00
Yeah, if you have a glass jaw.
51:00
You know, I mean, you can have the hardest swing of all time.
51:06
I mean, I I look at you know, but all the fight fans out there when you look at Foreman Ali and all the punches he took.
51:18
I mean, I would never recommend anybody go through that, you know.
51:20
But what I say is how that right there was is a sign.
51:28
To me, that there's there's another toughness that's involved endurance.
51:33
I guess that's the phrase. Endurance.
51:37
Which is not a, you know, super fast 2-minute, 3-minute event. It's long. It's long-term.
51:44
It's It's how much can you take? You know what I mean?
51:52
How long can you know I love love love Victor Frankl and his story and I've probably read everything that he's ever put out and the endurance that this man put up with in the Nazi concentration camps as he watched all his his friends die, his family died, his wife and and he came out saying yes to life.
52:24
I said, "Man, that's the That's the kind of endurance that transcends and I think that it's truly truly one of the things where that level of toughness is where I want to be."
52:39
Because this is another thing, you know, the world really really determines winners way too early. They just do.
52:47
I mean, and it's always celebrated.
52:49
I mean, the valedictorian of your high school, you know, that's but most of these people don't end up winning in the long long term. You know what I mean?
52:59
It's like whoever's winning at a young age is like, "Wait a minute.
53:03
I think we need to look at the people who over time have displayed success and really displayed just have seen the most of life and seen all the lumps and been through all the things and what have they been through?
53:22
That's where you get your real examples.
53:24
I am a results-oriented person.
53:28
Whereas when I see how most of the world celebrates just instant wins. You know what I mean?
53:37
I like to call it the sportification of our culture.
53:42
You know, things have been sportified.
53:46
And this is where it goes back to even our last conversation is when I say how people have uh how I feel that competition is the opposite of creativity. Yeah, this is so key.
53:57
I highlighted that when I reviewed our our first conversation.
53:59
I'd love for you to just elaborate on that. So I will.
54:03
I will because I it's something that's that that I've been been challenged on.
54:08
People like, "But you it Without competition, you'll never get better.
54:11
And you got to have competition.
54:13
You got to get" And I say, "No, you don't.
54:14
You do not have to compete with other human beings."
54:20
Now, the thing is, you don't need competition, but you do need resistance. Two different things.
54:27
This is the the fact that you get up is a resisting it's you're going to face resistance with going outside.
54:32
The wind is fighting you.
54:35
You know, when you if you plant something, weeds are automatically grow they grow.
54:43
Anything good is attacked.
54:43
You have to build a house.
54:46
You have to Everything is so easy for entropy to happen.
54:48
But everything that's worth something has to be built, has to be designed, has to be created, and it has to you automatically have resistance.
55:01
But competition, however, I think you know, imagine if the world had evolved through competition, there would only be one set of people. Doesn't work that way.
55:13
The world evolved through collaboration.
55:17
That's how I feel society evolved.
55:20
That's how humanity evolved.
55:20
It's all through collaboration.
55:26
But again, that revenge movie, that whole thing that we live it's about competition.
55:29
It's about putting me on top. And now I'm on top.
55:31
And I got to cancel everybody else.
55:34
And And so-and-so, you got to go down.
55:36
And I am the winner and you're the loser.
55:42
And this is the it's a sportification.
55:45
It's like, I won, I beat everybody, I'm the best in the world today. It's king of the hill.
55:53
But someone's coming to kick you off.
55:56
And when you live those rules, it's kind of like if you if you go your whole life canceling everybody, you eventually have to cancel yourself cuz you're not perfect. You know what I mean?
56:05
It's like One thing that gets me, man, Hollywood loves to point the fingers at everybody and and Hollywood on the at the Academy Awards, it actually canceled itself. Which blew my mind.
56:17
The standing ovation after the assault, I was everyone was sitting there like at home like, what? You canceled yourself. This is crazy. Yeah.
56:29
And you realize, wait a minute.
56:32
Now, when I go when I go into collaboration, when you realize that the world is a house, and this is the thing.
56:41
And and the world this is the way guys like to play where it's like, "Hey, man, I am on my side of the house. I got the kitchen. The kitchen is mine.
56:49
I can cook whatever I want." And they'll flaunt it.
56:51
Like, "Yeah, I got all this kitchen and it's all mine."
56:54
While the other guy is like, "Well, check it out.
56:56
I'm on this side of the house. I have the bathroom. I can take a shower. I'm clean. I'm good."
57:03
Well, Tim, eventually the guy in the kitchen's got to use the bathroom.
57:07
And the guy with the bathroom's got to use the kitchen. You see what I'm saying?
57:12
Like, now, this is the problem because if it's a sport, how who won? Who won? Yeah. Yeah, right.
57:21
Today, the guy with the bathroom.
57:23
But tomorrow, the guy with the kitchen. And it and it's endless.
57:26
And when you do that, what you're doing to me it's like, you know, this is a phrase I love to use and and there was a lot being said.
57:33
I said things about what was going on with Black Lives Matter, what was going on with a lot of our culture during this whole time.
57:44
And I my issue was that any movement that doesn't start with reconciliation, I don't want any part of. We have to reconcile.
57:54
We have to reconcile men to women.
57:58
We have to reconcile black to white.
58:01
We have to reconcile Republican to Democrat.
58:06
We have to We have to reconcile.
58:06
That's the first rule because if we don't, what you're doing is postponing a war. It's all you're doing. It's postponing it.
58:19
It's a matter of, okay, you know, we strike the day and we'll have to wait and then we'll get our get our bearings together and we'll strike again later and then then they come get you and you come get them.
58:32
But with reconciliation, there's an agreement.
58:36
With reconciliation, there's an understanding.
58:39
With reconciliation is peace.
58:39
Wherever you are reconciled, there's going to be peace. You know?
58:44
And I knew and and I I got in a lot of trouble at the time for it talking about, hey, I decide to unite with good people, black and white, no matter the race, no matter the color, no matter the creed, no matter the ideology.
59:01
I said, I am going to unify with good people and I was I was really put through the wringer for that.
59:12
But I feel really good about it cuz I made my stand in the middle of a lot of name-calling, a lot of of people who wanted to fight.
59:20
And and listen, I understood the anger. I understood it. I was that guy. You know what I mean?
59:28
I was like But I realized if we if we just turn over the chessboard every time, we're not going to get anywhere. You know what I mean?
59:38
It's like these kind of things have to be there's no winning until we reconcile.
59:44
There's no Sometimes you got to stop playing the game. You know what I mean?
59:48
And when I say a game, that's exactly what I'm talking about.
59:52
You have to walk off the court and say, "We're not playing today.
59:57
Now we're going to we're going to work together."
59:58
One thing that has always impressed me about you and our interactions and looking back at your history and certainly in our first conversation we talked a lot about your art and your ability and many, many sort of chapters of life spent with one foot in the art world, which we won't get into right now, but people can really take a look at this very closely and they should.
1:00:23
And also from from the segueing from playing professional sports then to say entertainment and then folding in the design elements, you're very good at questioning the rules of the game and choosing new games to play.
1:00:42
And I think it really highlights a number of things, one of which is your ability to choose creativity over competition, right?
1:00:52
You like Terry Crews is a category of one.
1:00:56
And if you create a category of one, it's kind of blue sky and you can create the rules of the game that you want to participate in as opposed to constantly climbing hill after hill depending on who offended you or upset you that day to go through like the vengeance marathon, which is a not just an exhausting way to live, but it's also a very incremental way to succeed in in any given field.
1:01:20
So, I I I just wanted to say that I I spot that pattern over and over again in you, and I admire it a lot.
1:01:31
Thank you so much for that, and I that's what I'm just to elaborate on your point, that's what bothered me so much about what James Watson alluded to.
1:01:45
Because he now race was a competition.
1:01:50
And I was like, "No, but you need each other." We all We need everyone.
1:01:56
You know, and if you make a competition out of it about this race is smarter than the other due to the genes and this kind of things.
1:02:02
I was like, "Man, what are you talking about?
1:02:04
Like, think about the musical greatness that black culture has brought in.
1:02:09
I mean, that's a whole 'nother kind of intelligence.
1:02:13
That's There's several ways to be intelligent.
1:02:15
You know what I'm saying?
1:02:17
And I'll go you know, you can't do what Thelonious Monk did. You know what I mean? You can't Yeah. redo that.
1:02:22
It's one of these things where you look at John Coltrane, and you go, "My god, like, how do you even you can't even put math on that."
1:02:31
It's kind of like, "Wow, how did you create that?"
1:02:35
It's another level of intelligence that we don't understand, but if you create this game that everybody has to play, and then you determine the winners, and I said, "Man, I I It was a huge mistake."
1:02:52
And like I said, it hurt me so bad because I love science, and I love this stuff, and I see a lot of scientific racism involved with even when you're talking about coding and with with computers and and that world where there was I believe Shockley, I think
1:03:11
his his name was, who was really came out with some very racist things about uh uh just about the ability to learn computers and and black people and this whole thing and I just go, "Man, these guys it's that that self-righteousness. You can't But this
1:03:29
You can't But this is another thing.
1:03:31
And and this is what I had to address.
1:03:33
I've seen black people get the same way about what they have.
1:03:40
And they go, "We are more gifted in this and we're more gifted in that."
1:03:46
And I said, "Man, all of that is the biggest mistake you can ever make because that level of self-righteousness will allow you to be extremely cruel to anybody else."
1:04:01
It's kind of like I don't know what to say, but it it's you can't feel wrong because you don't think you're wrong.
1:04:09
And you can't even hear what people are saying.
1:04:12
And it's so dangerous and so insidious that you have to call it out like a cancer.
1:04:18
It's almost like a a growth that can grow on any movement.
1:04:21
Cuz most things start out with people with great intentions. You got to agree.
1:04:28
I mean, most things most churches, most events, most movements, most things and then all of a sudden people are in Guyana and drinking Flavor-Aid with Jim Jones and it's like, "What happened?" Yeah.
1:04:45
There was a moment when things twisted and it's a tragedy.
1:04:50
And I don't want to see that.
1:04:52
I was in a Christian cult in college. It was nuts.
1:04:56
But you see how just because you have great intentions, if they're not checked, if you know, if they're not balanced, if they're not really if you don't really get that self-righteousness out of there and start at day one every day, you're going to be on the wrong path. And this is where I am.
1:05:12
I'm constantly learning, constantly saying, "Be teachable, man. Be teachable."
1:05:18
It's so wild because I I'm I'm going to give you a crazy crazy story. It's really funny.
1:05:25
I was on I'm doing my first year of of America's Got Talent and I'm I'm loving it. I'm doing my thing.
1:05:30
And I wear these beautiful suits and outfits and the whole thing and I love this whole thing. You know, I'm Mr. Creative.
1:05:39
I'm like, "Oh my god, I got these great shoes. I got this great thing."
1:05:40
And we had this thing we had a suit that we had a belt on the outside of it.
1:05:44
It was really unique and kind of unique, you know, real high fashion.
1:05:50
Well, I decide I'm going to go on the show.
1:05:51
I'm going to do this and the NBC rep is like, uh Terry, could could you just take the belt off? I was like, "Oh, really?
1:06:00
Like, you you you talking to me?"
1:06:04
I was like, "Hey, man, do do you know who I am?"
1:06:06
You know, it was like, "I am your show.
1:06:09
I am the host of this show.
1:06:09
I can wear whatever the hell I want to wear." Tim, it was like that.
1:06:15
I switched into this like, "What?
1:06:20
How dare you talk to me like that?"
1:06:25
And dude, it was it was wild because I was with my representatives and the people and they were like, "You don't have to change it.
1:06:31
You don't have to change whatever you want.
1:06:32
You Yeah, man, you don't have to do that.
1:06:33
Just go out there anyway.
1:06:33
Go out Just do what you want."
1:06:37
And all of a sudden it hit me, Tim.
1:06:39
It said, "Hey, man, dude, you're driving their car. NBC is their truck. That's their car.
1:06:47
But if they don't want the rims to spin, take the damn rims off, man.
1:06:50
Like, it's like, dude, why are you flipping on a belt?
1:06:56
It was like, man, humble yourself.
1:06:59
Relax because, dude, these are the boss.
1:07:03
I said, "It's their show. It's not my show." And I said, "Oh my god."
1:07:07
It was I was that close to pulling this arrogant move where I was just going to go do whatever I wanted anyway.
1:07:15
And it would probably would have put everything that I my whole future in jeopardy. And I took the belt off. The show went great.
1:07:27
The NBC rep was like, "Thanks, you Terry."
1:07:30
Cuz a lot of time bosses just want to be heard.
1:07:34
And and the show was awesome.
1:07:37
And I realized how close I came of one arrogant move to losing probably one of the best jobs I ever had. Because it starts there.
1:07:48
It's not one big giant move.
1:07:48
It's always one little thing and then it grows and grows and grows.
1:07:54
And I said, "Man, you got to start at day one every day, Terry."
1:08:00
So, it's it's hard hard lessons, man.
1:08:02
Like I said, this is tough. It's tough stuff. It's tough. It's tough.
1:08:04
Hence the title of the book.
1:08:06
You know, it made me think also about the example of the metaphor you used earlier of walking outside and the wind is fighting you, right?
1:08:14
Like maybe that's just the wind.
1:08:15
Like that encounter is just the wind.
1:08:17
It's not someone attacking you or insulting your manhood or it's just the wind in some cases, right?
1:08:25
You said I've taken a lot of notes in this conversation for myself.
1:08:27
I'm I'm really looking forward to the book.
1:08:31
And I also feel like this balance that that you've described, you know, I think especially for and not exclusively for, but I I think often for a lot of the men listening will be one that comes up a lot.
1:08:48
It's like, how do you find a place for male strength?
1:08:55
If you feel like that has sort of been removed from society, how do you develop not just the self-perception, but the capability of being strong, having that endurance, that resilience, sort of defining strength in a way that isn't abusive and corrosive.
1:09:14
And I also wanted to just mention, because you brought up his name, Thelonious Monk.
1:09:19
And one of my favorite quotes is actually from Thelonious Monk, and I wanted to bring it up because I think you exemplify it by constantly revisiting who you are, starting at day one, asking yourself not just who is Terry Crews, but like who who does Terry Crews want to be.
1:09:37
And the quote is, "A genius is the one most like himself."
1:09:40
I just think there is There is so much depth in that quote. That's Thelonious Monk.
1:09:45
"A genius is the one most like himself."
1:09:47
Of course, that could apply to herself.
1:09:52
But mhm, every day is day one, like you said. That's right. That's right. I love it.
1:09:59
I know we're we're coming up on time, Terry.
1:10:01
The new book, people can find it wherever books are sold.
1:10:05
Tough, subtitle, My Journey to True Power.
1:10:06
I highly recommend people check it out.
1:10:11
People can find you on social media at Terry Crews on Twitter, Instagram, and then on Facebook, real Terry Crews.
1:10:16
Is there anything else that you'd like to say, any other comments, questions, complaints that you'd like to add before we wrap up?
1:10:25
Man, first of all, I just always always enjoy talking to you, Tim.
1:10:31
This Let me tell you, this 90 minutes went like shoo. I I It went so fast.
1:10:37
I can't even It went quickly, but I just want to thank you for letting me share my heart, man.
1:10:44
What's wild is I tend to get misunderstood sometimes, and a lot of that is because of the ability to take things out of context, and I thank you for letting me talk and and so that it's in context.
1:10:59
So you can see Absolutely.
1:11:03
where it's coming from and where it ended. You know? Yeah, for sure.
1:11:09
When I see the future of what this world is, I'm very hopeful.
1:11:15
I am an eternal optimist.
1:11:19
And a lot has been said about getting things wrong and and everybody making mistakes and this kind of thing, but my thing is these errors can push you into better things.
1:11:31
One thing I like a quote that I heard that I loved, that got me through the pandemic, is that sometimes your greatest hopes are destroyed to prepare you for something better. Mhm.
1:11:43
And when you see your hope being dashed, people get disheartened.
1:11:49
But I like to see it sometimes as you're being prepared for something better. Mhm. For what is next.
1:11:55
And I truly truly think that we can have that better. And I I really do.
1:12:05
And and I'm not a cynical This is another thing that you know, a lot of a lot of comedians tend to get a cynicism and this whole kind of thing, and I've always resisted that.
1:12:16
I'm at war with cynicism. Ah.
1:12:16
I've decided to be positive and be hopeful and believe the best about every human being and count a lot of this as a lot of negativity as ignorance.
1:12:31
And And until people can figure it out, I'm here for you until I figure cuz I don't have it even figured it out. You see what I mean?
1:12:39
So we're all on this journey cuz I can tell you 20 years ago, oh man, I was I was among the ignorant.
1:12:47
You know, like, oh, I could easily be making excuses and all thing and that's why I'm I I have so much empathy for everyone out there.
1:12:58
Everyone anywhere because it's just a matter of time.
1:13:00
So, thank you for letting me share my heart. Thank you, Terry.
1:13:05
And I I want to say to everybody listening, there are many forces in the world that want you to be apathetic and I invite you to also be at war within yourself against cynicism because it is crippling.
1:13:22
And what a great way to phrase it.
1:13:24
Terry, thank you so much.
1:13:26
Again, everyone check out Tough: My Journey to True Power.
1:13:28
You can find links to everything we discussed in the show notes at tim. blog/podcast.
1:13:33
And until next time, be a little bit kinder than you think is necessary both to others and to yourself.
1:13:42
And thanks for listening.