my whole life now revolves around what I've achieved on the court but then if I could do it again I wouldn't ever want to pick up a racket is one of the greatest players in the world winner of seven tour singles title curios I literally wanted to end my life and now I'm just here and enjoying it so yeah everything is just it's all a [Music] bonus before we jump into this episode I'd like to invite you to join this
community to hear more interview use that will help you become happier healthier and more healed all I want you to do is click on the Subscribe button I love your support it's incredible to see all your comments and we're just getting started I can't wait to go on this journey with you thank you so much for subscribing it means the world to me the bestselling author and host the number
one Health and Wellness podcast on purpose with J shett externally you've had what looks like a LoveHate relationship with tennis and at this this point you're injured you've been away from the game I'm intrigued to understand how is your relationship with the game changed when you haven't been able to play it this is a tough one for me cuz when I step away from the sport for so long I actually
don't miss it so that's scary for me you know most athletes when they get pulled away from their sport injury or take time off they're like really hungry to get back with me it's like I've always kind of known that life has so many so many cool things about it with you know and Tennis you when we're traveling s eight months a year I barely see my family my friends and during this time
it's like I get to see spend time with my partner more my family do all these things that I've been missing out on it's like wow this my life's amazing now but you know I do miss playing tennis a bit you it's all I've ever known since I was seven years old you know my family loves it you know all my friends you know know me as Nick Kos tennis player so I do miss it a little bit but at the
same time I've I've really enjoyed the time off yeah I'm glad to hear that it's good to good for the honesty I think you know like people people forget that we're human and we need a break sometimes what's your earliest childhood memory that you think has defined who you are today well I hated tennis when I was young so you know I was very chubby overweight as a kid and my mom kind of she was like okay we got to get you
doing some some some sport or be active so she dragged me down to the local tennis courts and I remember I was crying all day hated it didn't want to be there anyway I gave it a chance for like you know a couple weeks couple months and the coach was like oh he's picking it up pretty quickly and then that was I guess that was a defining moment because ever since coach said that it's like my father and my mom put
everything into tennis you know they sacrificed you know my dad and my mom had nothing growing up and I guess they kind of saw me as the person in the family to to eventually you know try and make it and help and help them out and help the family out so look tennis was it was such a interesting Journey you know I never thought I was 17 18 still in school and people were telling me you
could really do something and I never took myself seriously enough to one day be on the tour beating people like jovic fed it was just never in my mind and then all of a sudden it just happened and my life changed it's like I have big imposter syndrome like I'm sitting here I watch you my bed in my house and Camera I'm watching you and then now all of a sudden I'm here having a conversation like that's just for me
it's crazy well dude I feel the same with you I'm watching you play all the major tournaments and watching you on breakpoint and I still have to pinch myself that I get to do this so the feeling is very mutual and I want you to know that too like and and you know a big part of that for me watching you is I think and I chose not to introduce you this way but I think a lot of people
would introduce you as the bad boy of tennis how does that title make you feel today yeah it's been hard that's one thing the media's done they've branded me as you know I don't know like I'm I'm crazy I'm a bad boy but my family and my closest people know that I'm quite generous I'm quite caring I'm intellectually switched on I like having deep conversations and I I try my best to make other people
people feel comfortable like I know what it's like to be overweight insecure like I I love when I see kids that are a bit like I guess myself at a younger age I love that I go up to them I make them feel look if I can do it you can do it so that's been one of the hardest things in my career is like everyone I meet thinks that I'm just a you know a bad person I've got crazy Tempo but then off the court I'm it's like a complete
opposite person and it's been really really hard to shake that and it's taken years like only now I feel like people kind of understand how I am on the court and how I am off the but it's been it's been hard how early did that title set in like that idea of Nick Kos meltdown again Nick curios break breaks a racket like whatever like how early did that set in and how did that impact it um
probably the first couple years I was on tour um and that was almost 11 years ago and it's been an uphill battle ever since you know everyone thinks that I'm that type of person but it's like I've gone through my whole life trying to prove to people that that's not me and it's it's been really hard like all the media backlash the negativity all the negativity on my family my partner like it's not it hasn't been so easy to
navigate um but I think getting older and growing through it and getting thick skin I've kind of given up trying to you know make everyone understand who I am cuz it's exhausting and it's I don't think it's possible everyone's going to have their opinions but it's taken a toll like I'm definitely a bit tired of being branded that and it's sad in a way because people only really want to get
to meet me to meet that side of me which is not how I actually am as a person how much of it early on was self-inflicted versus was that just you trying to deal with the pressure and the stress like why did that I've so I've met you just now yeah you're smiling you're easy to be around you're chill you're cool when we were messaging I was telling my team I was this guy seems like one of the
nicest guys like s everything you just said yeah but then when someone watches you on the court or watches you in a press interview you could be intimidating how much of that became a Persona you felt you ended up playing versus where did it actually start was it that you were stressed and there was pressure or well I guess yeah when I'm on court I turn into a different person like I love
competing and it's like I hate losing and I guess when I even when I was a younger kind of kid on the court I always carried my emotions I would cry on court I would scream I would just I'd love to compete and hate to lose and I guess I never changed like whether it's me now I don't cry on court now but I still am very emotional and I just it just shows how much I care I feel like it was a way for me to outlet the
pressure you know get angry or smash a racket but the thing is tennis can go for four or five hours the match go for four or five hours and then for that small snippet of time 20 seconds 30 seconds I'm losing my losing my mind and that's all they're showing like if you just show 30 minutes of a 4H hour match then everyone's going to assume oh that's how he's carrying on for 4 hours
like the majority of the time I'm well behaved great competitor respecting my opponent and then I look I turn on you know say the TV it's just me smashing the rack and I'm like I can't control that and it's been it's been hard like most of the time I am how I am now but it's it's been a tough one yeah you were saying I've I've watched how you talked about how it's impacted you it's impacted how people communicate with
your girlfriend like the kind of backlash that you receive Y what has been the the darkest hardest period of dealing with that whether it may be a media narrative or uh fans reaching out whatever it may be yeah in 2019 was I've opened up about the some of the darkest periods of my life and I just it was so accessible all these negative comments you know you go on your phone now you
open up social media Instagram Twitter all this and I just see millions of messages that were negative negative about my family like just things that I feel like I didn't never really listen listen to but they just went into the back of my mind and subconsciously they're just there and then when things start happening you're like maybe they're right you start doubting yourself and I feel like that's what I
fell into it was like oh maybe they are right and then I started feeling really negatively about myself and I started all these bad habits happening and it was it was impossible for me to deal with I was 19 at the time when this all started happening and I wasn't prepared for such a I guess such a hard time like I was just enjoying myself I had normal friends and then I went from being in
school to now being on the global stage in the spotlight and it was just impossible for me to deal with I never really dealt with it uh in a healthy way at all yeah you talked about in breakpoint about drugs alcohol isolating yourself you talk about even considering attempting suicide and then we hear that you locked into a psych wood but we don't really realize what you went through like walk us through
what it felt like to be nickos in 2019 it's just the I think about those times and I don't necessarily feel sad about him or happy about him it's just like that part of my life is over and it's just a mess like I think about that time I just was not thinking clearly I was drinking every night you know just at the at the time I thought it was just fun but it wasn't fun it was just self-inflicted pain and I was had
friends around me telling me it wasn't healthy and I ignored them and then I found myself going to a Psy psychiatric ward in London and I had to play an adult the next day and these are the things like everyone would assume that I was doing fine I was answering questions and they told me that I should stay in this psychiatric ward for two weeks and be re reassessed and I was playing at
doll the next day it's like I I looked at myself I was like I I can't do this I have to somehow change these habits so and I had self harm everywhere I had to wear an arm sleeve on on Center quar wimon and no one knew any of these problems and it was it was hard and I look back and I just don't know how I ne like got out of it to be honest I was such a mess and the worst thing was the
media I was having decent results during that time and the media was like okay is this a new Nikos is this the Nikos and I was like this is the darkest period of my life there was a tournament in Mexico kco where I was thinking about I was having suicidal thoughts and you know I was just on the balcony of my hotel and I was genuinely thinking about it and my team was like all right we got to play
in 10 minutes ended up going out on court played amazing won the tournament and everyone globally was thinking wow is this the person that we've all been waiting for when I was really on the brink of of everything and that's so scary cuz no one else knew what was going on it was really hard I mean that Paradox of feeling that way and then having to play the biggest games and then even winning
some of them but then feeling that way when you're off court again that sounds like one of the most difficult like just just listening to you right now I'm listening to that going I was just putting myself in that position thinking you're sitting standing there at the balcony like I can't imagine what's going through your mind how did you break through that like how did how was that not the end because
I feel there's so many people listening right now who might be feeling like you were then and I want you to talk talk to them I want them to hear you right now because I want this to be the message that they say that got me through it um it just everyone I felt like I was very selfish at that time was I was always giving into my feelings which weren they were probably valid but I felt like I
was playing Just based on how I felt and then I looked back at millions of fans that I have and that I you know for instance there was a make A- wish kid that I met up with a week and a half ago he's probably got 6 months to live and then I realized that those types of people that look up to me and really want me to succeed that's who I started playing for so family these like kids the the future generation that's the
reason why I probably would have retired and probably stopped playing you know a couple years ago if if I just kept playing on how I was feeling but then I realized I've got a whole contingent of fans of why that want to see me succeed so that's why I love playing now like I play for them but that's what got me out of it I started feeling like I got a lot more to give not not for me like I've
already proved myself that I can play tennis but for all those people out there like if I can do it like you look at jovic federan a doll like these people are gods in my eyes like they're super professional jovic takes care of his diet daily I was not doing any of these things and still getting to that level so I think if just the inspiration for other people got me out of that but
it was really those times are you there are definitely times now where I think about those moments and I'm I get I still get a bit emotional on it like breako obviously showed interviews with my my sister and my father my best friend they break down into tears and that just shows how emotional that time was cuz they could just see me spiraling out of control and I I hadn't I didn't think it was okay to just step back and
not play I I kept thinking I had to force myself to get out there yeah it definitely was traumatizing how much did it mean to you that they stood by you yeah I mean I probably owe them my life to be honest you know they were standing by me through Reckless Behavior and that's what I'm everything that's what I mean like people now I go on social media and they're like oh you're a waste of talent
or why are you not playing or why you not doing this and I'm everything I'm doing now is just a bonus like being here speaking to Jay shedy for me it's just that's like a it's like all a bonus like every day I I just don't think about the past I don't think about the future I just live every day day by day and I just everything I'm doing now is just a bonus like cuz I was so so
depressed and so sad and like I literally wanted to end my life and now just I'm just here and enjoying it so yeah everything's just it's all a bonus yeah that's a beautiful way to live yeah it is to know that yeah it's a beautiful mindset to live in just stay I just stay on my feet I don't think about the past or I don't I'm not a big planner anymore because I just don't know anything can be taken away
just like that yeah I mean I think listening to you it's so interesting right when we have views on athletes especially where we're like oh you could have been this and you could have been the next greatest and you could have been whatever it may be and and the challenge is you have no idea what that person's going through you have no idea what's worrying that person and I think everyone almost
projects their own insecurities onto everyone else where we also feel like we have so much potential that never got seen that never got untapped and to almost live in the way you're living now which is like I'm already living in bonus land yeah I mean I I feel like that in so many ways in my life where I am able to do things today that I couldn't even have imagined as a kid and we can actually we have a lot in
common growing up because I was and I heard you say this and I felt the same way I was the I was a short brown fat kid growing up at school and so when you talked about that in breakpoint I felt exactly the same way where I was bullied for it I was beaten up for it I was criticized for it and when I look at my life today I'm like I get to do things that I didn't ever think were possible
so I'm already living in bonus world and you're so grateful for it so grateful for it so grateful for it Beyond and whether I reach the potential what people think I should do or whether I don't I'm already living in that gratitude with you when you're playing at the top level and there is that feeling so when you find out you're going to make it you've made it through to the final of Wimbledon y walk me
through what the feeling is when you know like I've made it through to the final of Wimbledon like which is the biggest stage the biggest moment you made it through what does that feel like I was laughing inside like I was I had Novak jovic behind me the royal family watching me play and there's like Gods there and I'm just like thinking to myself I I don't this shouldn't be me like the way that everything had panned
out it was like I just thought it was all a joke I was like this is incredible how how am I here in this moment in time and yeah I was I was walking out to the court and I just yeah like it's like every single thing that I'd gone through training family sacrifice it all that's the one time in my life where everything made sense everything made sense every gym session conditioning session every
good meal I decided to eat was all equal to that moment in time and it's like I didn't sleep the night before and then as soon as I stepped on court all those feelings went away it was like okay I'm now I'm home and then I I lost the match but I played incredible it was a great final but I just remember seeing the doors open real slowly and I saw every blade of grass the same length and I
just walked out there and it was just like home and then that was it I just I'm not disappointed that I lost the match obviously I would love to have a wi wooden Crown but it was all a bonus like the fact that I was just walking out Novak's behind me Royal Family's there like Nick curios making it that far ridiculous when I hear you speak you speak like every almost like real it's almost like that childlike
feeling yeah of like you're still living in that childlike moment or childlike feeling of what that would have felt like where sometimes we grow up too soon and experience it that when you saw blade of being even that mindfulness like watching the doors the fact that you can visualize it it means you were so present what goes through your mind during the game when it's not going your
way like what happens when you start losing a point or when you know you could have made something you didn't like what's going through your mind at that time just competing like just trying to get the best out of myself like I guess people when they watch me play like why you get so angry it's like there's millions of dollars on the line so many hours of work put in and I'm just trying to like do the best I can in
that moment of time like people when they see me I guess getting angry or doing whatever they're like he doesn't care it's like I think I care too much at times on the result and coaches always told me like don't care about the result too much but in my life and my experience if you don't win at the end of the day I wouldn't be here if I if I didn't win majority of tennis matches I
wouldn't be sitting here so I know the importance of winning but at the same time I guess I just I'm just so involved in every little bit of effort's been I know my my family's effort my support crew I want everyone in my team to feel that I care the most and I want like success for all of us not I don't care about just me like my physio is there my partner there my best friend my agent like we're we're all
contingent and that's why I guess I love the team environment a little bit more yeah but tennis is people just think you're you're on your own out there but it's like there's so much more than just me like everyone's put so much work in to get here so your anger is actually or care exactly I wanted to win wimon so then like my whole team like can share that with me I I don't really care like
I actually don't really care and I I wanted to win winen so I could just shut everyone up and so I could be just left alone so if I'm at home and I'm actually having a beer or I'm just chilling people just oh what are you doing I'm like I want Wimbleton like you can't tell me anything you're in like you're Immortal in that tennis world you know yeah like I made the final and people still criticize me I feel like if I'd
won that maybe it would stop so you feel like when you're playing you're trying to win because you feel so many people have invested in you and so many people believe in you the people that you care about and that you almost want to win for them yes and to shut everyone else up as well that would be nice I'm excited to see you go on and win a few like I I I think you have the
potential and the ability and you know the mindset to go and do it but when you go and win you know as well as I do that that still won't shut people up I know that know that I just it just false hope I guess what is that false hope walk me through that because I think that's real I think we all feel right this is this is this is the hypothesis we all feel that there's something we can do that will finally
convince people of who we are and we're all waiting in our own way to do that thing for you it may be a game or tennis for someone else it might be a promotion for someone it will be graduating with a particular degree for me will be interviewing someone whatever like we all have that thing where we think when I do this then people will say I made it yeah why is that I don't know I feel
like if people really understood my journey then they wouldn't be so pushy I think and like if I just sat down with all my haters and we had like a nice meal together and I gave them my side of story I think they'd have a better understanding and they wouldn't be so like they wouldn't criticize or be so like aggressive towards me on social media or just in general so I feel like maybe if I do win wimon and like it's I
was so close and I don't even really love the sport like I'm only doing this because I love taking care of my family my my people and I want to do this so I can prove that no matter how much more of an underdog you are you can achieve something like winning win with it like that's I never thought in my mind that i' would be capable of doing that and I look may you are right I know that even
if I did that people are going to be like all right now do it again and it's just like that's I guess that's the rat race of of life you know how much is enough and I feel like I'm very content with my life I have more than enough to enjoy and so if it was up to me I probably would I don't really want to play anymore to be honest but I have to almost I've got so much more to give but for me I'm I I don't feel like playing
anymore and that's not your way of taking the pressure no it's not like I'm I'm exhausted I'm tired and you know I have had three surgeries now that I'm only 28 years old I always wanted to be able to have a family and and not be in pain when I get up I can't walk without pain so it's it's a tough gig it's tough I appreciate the realness because it's that you know there's a couple of things that come to mind the
first thing that comes to mind for me is always I'm a Cristiano Ronaldo fan through and through like if anyone asks me CR7 or Messi I'm CR7 all the way he's the example for me of you can achieve everything yeah and there'll still be 50% of people who think that someone else better yeah some else is better and not even just better they think you're not even in the conversation like
there's a 50% of people who will be like well CR7 doesn't even make it into the top two conversation yeah and it's bizarre that you can even feel that way and so that I look at it through that perspective where I'm like this guy's won everything he's inspired pretty much every next generation of football players in the world yet there are people who have an issue with him and blows my mind and then at the same time
what you're talking about the reality I appreciate you saying I'm exhausted it's hard you know I remember a interview that Vanessa Bryant did Kobe Bryant's wife and she talked about how the only thing that got Kobe to play when he was injured or having an injury during a game was his love for the fans and he would say that this fan paid to see me play and if I don't play today then that
fan may never be able to afford to play again and so I have to play and so he was playing for Beyond him it wasn't I've got to play CU I got to win another R it's really interesting to hear an athlete say I'm tired it's a tough gig it's hard because I think we almost want to believe that the best athletes don't feel that but that's not true no it's not true and I guess that period in 2019 kind of accelerated my ex
like if I had a bit of a normal career and I flew under the radar I don't feel I'd feel this way but those couple years really I think put a lot on my age like I'm 28 but I feel like you I've traveled to pretty much every country I've seen cultures you know I was traveling to countries when I was 13 and I saw what you know poverty was like it really opened my eyes and I guess those couple
years accelerated my almost pushed me to the end of my career a bit earlier because I was just I felt that way and I was so eternally hurting that I I had to play for more than myself and that's why now I do I'm exhausted when I train I'm like I just I don't want people to watch doesn't say Okay soft or whatever but it's just like it's just hard like I am tired I'm I'm tired of playing tennis
like it's it's more than going out last year had the best year in my career and I'm playing in front of millions of people stadium is packed out everyone's eyes on me I don't know if I'm an athlete loves that but I'm a bit to that I feel like a circus animal a little bit I walk out there and like oh we just want to see Kiros do something crazy like I'm sick of kind of playing that role I'm sick of playing like I have to
turn to a completely different person and I don't like that it's exhausting do you think when you come back how are you trying to figure out how you'll approach it differently have you thought about that well I think now I'm I've kind of come to peace with I only want to play for about another one to two years and be at the top and and go on my own terms like I would hate to have another
surgery or anything like that so I think I've still got the ability to have a good one to two years and then that's it I think I'll be at peace with everything I've achieved and you're right I'm going to have to just say look to everyone out there who wants me to play more you're just going to have to be okay with me me not playing anymore yeah well people are trying to figure out whether you'll be
playing in December yeah you're obviously like you said you're in pain even when you stand up like how do you deal with that anxiety of like people want me to play in December I don't even know if I'll be better yet do I enter how do you naate it's hard because you know I'm going to the gym I'm doing my rehab you know you might have something seriously wrong with your body and it takes time like we're I'm only human I'd
love to be like a Novak or someone that just is always healthy almost it seems that way but it takes months and months of you know strength consistency dilcy to get back to playing tennis at that high level again like I don't want to get back on tour and just play decent I was competing for Grand Slam so I want to get back to that level so it might take you know a bit more time yeah I
want to go back a few things when you were saying like if you could take all your haters out for dinner and and hang with them so imagine we were at dinner yeah and all the haters are here right now what do you want them to know about you to understand you deeply if you could say three things to them to understand you more deeply and intently what would you genuinely at the heart want them to
know if if we had the floor with them right now I guess I would I would want to listen to them more I'd be like why do you dislike me so much cuz I feel like when I'm reading all these comments they really truly don't like me and I feel like I don't dislike anyone that I don't know like I just think it's ridiculous to have an opinion or or that person this one I have no idea who they are or how they are so I would just ask
them like why do you dislike me so much and then I would make them open up and then I guess cuz I think for instance I use my girlfriend as an example so my reputation in Australia is like arrogant he's crazy he's volatile and having those three things when you're meeting a person for the first time they be three pretty rough things to like already assume of someone so I had to prove every time I meet
someone new I have to kind of prove to them that's not me and so and I I asked her what was the first three things you came to mind and then she told me those three things and so that's how everyone in the world that hasn't met me before assumes I am and that's that's pretty brutal like how those three things are they're terrible I I know hang around with one person that is arrogant or
volatile or crazy so I think and she just spent time like two times with me and then she's like you're like completely different to how the media paints you out to be so I guess every hater just thinks I'm like that I'm assume so I would just try and prove that I'm not like that but it's it's it's so hard how did she give you the time of day to like make you believe that cuz like you said for a lot of
people they and you've been together for a bit now two years now coming up but you I just bought a mirror off for small company it just it were just excuses you know just an excuse of how am I going to get her to just give me the chance and I feel like these people that hate me or don't like how I go about things they just they won't even give me a chance they won't even listen because they think that I'm crazy
and do you think you just you just started playing the character at one point like definitely well that's you know at the end of the day you know money's important so I knew that that Nick could that's the one that everyone wanted they didn't give they didn't care about how I actually was they just wanted that one like Brands just wanted to work with that one wow and that was hard like I was like every time I do
something brand wise earlier in my career I was exhausted I got home I was like thank God that's over so I could just be myself again and I'd meet people and they would just want that and how did you know that were there people in your like vicinity like telling you that or like because that's fascinating right like the construction of talent is something that I think the average
person is so separated from like when I moved to LA five years ago and I coach and work with so many different people in different parts of whether it's music acting athletes and you start recognizing how their management and their teams want them to be a certain Persona whether it's like you got to show that you're single because otherwise people you know people won't be into you if if you have a long-term
relationship or you've got to be this way so that this brand will want to work with you how much of that was was in your ear were you hearing things like that or was it more in your own mind it was more in my own mind I think you know my team now have only ever wanted me to be happy and be myself and I know that that's why I keep them around I have a really small circle but I knew that
Brands just that knew that they wanted that Nick and that's it's it's sad in a way because they don't even want to get to know me like as me as a person like we wouldn't even have sit down and have this conversation with they just wanted me to be that the one they see on the court like be the entertaining one and it's like I'm not like that off the I'm very chilled out and yeah I just I feel
like most people just want to meet that one yeah because it sells tickets of gets attention get the headlines it makes a moment out of it when was when was the day where you felt you played that character really well like when would you say you're like you know what that was the best acting gig I ever did where last year at the US Open was good like arur rash Stadium in New York is
the biggest stadium that we have and it's crazy you you go to the back and you look up as on the plane it's just like a wall of people just like glaring down at you and that's the coolest thing about tennis there's nowhere to hide like if you're playing if you're having a bad day you can't sub out there's no one to play your position so you're just there and I just feel like New York and
the Americans I feel extremely at home here I feel like they really do enjoy when you put on a show and you do some crazy stuff out there so every time I was stepping out on that Court it was like and like 5 minutes before I was in the locker room I was like okay I got to I got to be more of that Nick tonight because I do appreciate the love that the American fans do give me but yeah every match was a bit of a was a bit of
a show do you feel differently about different places around the world you've traveled of course as a tennis player you travel everywhere how do you feel like when you're in Australia versus when you're in the UK versus when you're in the US like what me through the differences you experience as a player in the media and everything else austral I I I hate playing in Australia like that's going to if you're going to air
this obviously that that's going to people think that like most Australians love playing Australia but there was one kind of moment that ruined it for me I was playing second round of the Australian Open I had some match points was like a 4 and a half hour match and i' lost I'd lost second round I remember getting booed off the court in Melbourne and that was one of the worst feelings
for me because I remember after that match I was I locked myself in the physio room with my Physio and there were just people knocking in on the door like I had to do media I had to do this and I was just I turned the lights off and I was just so overwhelmed like I'd given my absolute all in front of my my fans for 4 hours and I lost the match and I just got booed off the court and for me
that really ruined that put a sour taste in my mouth playing in Australia and I know now like I've had some great results in Australia and they have been behind me but I don't forget things like that I feel like if I Loved Someone and I understood the effort and and the hours I put in I would never do that I'd never boo off one of my hometown Heroes so and that's why I guess it's affected my relationship with Australia you know
playing for the country it's because I've been battered in the media there like they've said some horrible things like there are some Australian legends that have told me and my family to go back to where we come from and I I just don't forget things like that I've had Leon hu call me on my phone and say why don't you want to play for the country like everyone here wants you here and
it's like yeah but I no no other player in the in the country is dealt with the backlash or the the negativity towards their family their girlfri like me like that that hurt so I guess playing in Australia for me I don't I don't really like London I just don't fit it there at all like Wimbledon it's a crazy feeling it's like the documentary said it's like a snowman in the desert it literally is
I walk around there everyone's like oh my God he's wearing like a I could be wearing like an anime shirt they're like oh look what he's wearing everything I do there's like under a microscope and that's a that's a cool feeling I guess Novak would kind of understand what that feels like too like the villain you know you know it's like no one wants to see you win no one and you made the finals
you have people like Piers Morgan just throwing absolute Venom at you and that's why I feel I love playing the US Open cuz I feel wow this is at home like the energy is amazing and they they bring that energy that I have and I love playing there so yeah Australia and England are a bit I don't like playing there but us I love it yeah good yeah I love Asia as well Asia is amazing Asia too yeah they just I think Asia just
love entertainment they love something different and they're they're respectful you that I think they get to think the people are different there but yeah I love I love playing Asia as well what would have changed if you were allowed to be nice guy Nick from the beginning like and and people perceived you as you actually are like how do you think that would have impacted your game your
career to work well the first 5 years of my career I was almost impossible to get any sort of deal with anyone cuz they just thought I was volatile crazy they didn't want me representing their brand where I feel like if they knew I how I was and actually like a nice guy that would have helped would have I prob would have made a lot more money I probably would have been more at peace with people actually knowing that I was
a good guy cuz for a minute there I thought the whole world thought that I was just a terrible person I feel like it would have helped me I definitely don't think I would have fell into that dark period of my life as well but cely I don't want to I don't want to change that because that makes me who I am today obviously I know everyone kind of says that but when I opened up on social
media about it the amount of people that now open up to me daily you I got people around the world that you I give them my number and I've had phone calls with people and tried to articulate in a way that it's okay like that's completely normal what you're going through but like please keep reaching out to me stay in touch with me if you need any help so that's been the most powerful thing in
my career at the end of the day is helping others getting through rough patches of their life all the accomplishments I don't actually care about them I would I I don't all my people know I don't ever sit there and talk about what I've achieved like I don't really care about it I think that's all a bit superficial but the platform that I have now is amazing what I can do with it yeah it's interesting
isn't it as a professional we assume that complete control is a demonstration of Brilliance when the reality is that when you're playing something you love it's natural to be passionate yep and like I think I mean I'm not an athlete but as in even if I'm playing football with my mates if I miss a shot someone misses a penalty I could take it very seriously and I don't see that's sign of passion and care and
enthusiasm and energy it's not a sign of not caring they're not caring or being angry at someone or being mad at my mate it's my mate he's always going to be my M but in that moment it's like dude you should have put that penalty away right and but we've tried to make com especially in tennis yeah it's almost like there's no space for passion and personality especially in tennis yeah
it's a very look it's a it's a white privileged sport so I was again I was behind the eightball from the gecko you know I was College had some you know big personality wore the emotion on my sleeve so I was always trying to play against so many more people than just so who was down beating the best players in the world is already hard enough you know the training every day the diet the the discipline that was
already hard but me it was like I was playing against Millions more people every time I went out in the court and I think that's why I'm a bit more exhausted than the average tennis player now when someone goes out there they're not they're just playing against Who's down the other end but I was playing against the media I was playing against cuz I knew that every every little thing
I did was under such a microscope and even if I had a Flawless match I was like oh that's how he should be anyway but then the minute I did something bad it was like oh here it is see that's his true col I was like I couldn't win I actually couldn't win and then if I was well behaved and disciplined it was like oh it's boring so it's like okay which one do you want and that's how I've always felt like on the tennis world
they they haven't embraced me and that's why I've got such a big chip on my shoulder now with the tennis world it's like I don't know any one any anything anymore so that's been the biggest it's just been a whole Contra like a walk in contradiction my entire my entire career it sounds like a lot to carry yeah it is it is and I think that's why I fell into that dark space cuz I knew that I
couldn't win no matter what I did how does this I wanted to show you this yeah this one take a look at that it's uh from the boss open stutgart June 2023 I believe don't look happy um yeah and I was just this was when me coming off my knee injury and I had a pretty pretty serious operation and I just knew that physically I probably wasn't ready to go and it's hard because even when I don't
play or you know even during Co I the tennis world used me as a kind of one of the key marketing points to keep I guess the sport a float while it's during that period and and that's been one of the hardest things as well it's like from a sport that's given me so much negativity and you know kind of treated me like an outcast they still use me as you know someone that they want to you know put
on the front cover for you know tickets or getting people to be there so it's like I know that I just get treated so poorly in the tennis world it's like it just honestly I look at that photo I just look like I'm just spent like I just so my there's just no energy there and it's sad cuz I'm just in front of a camera doing another interview because the tournament needs it yet I know that if I which I did go on to lose that
got got hate for it so yeah it's hard it's hard it really is are you trying to heal your relationship with tennis and the industry like for yourself in the sense of it almost feels like you have you carry there's validity to this of course like you carry like a sense of like pain and stress and victimhood to the industry because there's been so much pain caused to you is there any part of you that's trying
to heal that so that you're not carrying that bitterness towards the industry I think so much damage has being done from I guess because when people ask me like if you had your time again would you ever pick up a racket and I genuinely have thought about it and I don't think I'd ever play the sport like I don't think I'd ever pick up a tennis racket and that's such a scary thing because
it's like my whole life has been built off tennis and if I had this again like to go again I wouldn't play tennis and I think that's that's so hard and it's so dark like my whole whole life now revolves around what I've achieved on the court but then if I could do it again I wouldn't ever want to pick up a racket and that is like and I'm genuinely being honest like I've had conversations with
myself about it but I don't think I can repair the damage that I guess the sports brought upon me and just anyone like the am amount of stress that has put on my family has you can't heal that like you know about 6 months ago someone came to my house with a gun and pointed at my mom for to steal my car and I never thought that I'd bring that up like I live in Australia in a nice neighborhood like where things like that
just don't happen and it's just been hard like I never thought I'd deal with things like that like the trauma that my mom has now gone through and yeah I don't think I can repair my relationship with tennis at all wow I mean that's yeah it's amazing that you've been able to kind of take care of yourself and your family and figure it out because a few years ago I interviewed Dennis
Rodman and it was one of the toughest interviews I've ever done because he was in a really bad place at the time I don't know him personally so I don't know if he's better now or you know where he's at but all I remember was that in that interview he was like I asked him what his purpose in life was and he said to survive another day like that's where he was at and a lot of it was because of how he'd felt
treated by the media cuz he was like you know Dennis Rodman was was everywhere when you know Not only was he successful on the court but off the court his whole life was documented in so many ways and and he was the wild card too like in his in in his Persona yeah and it's just fascinating to me like it's almost like until someone crashes or until someone Burns we don't realize how
heavy media and like I don't think our brains are wired for millions of opinions no they're not to write about us and our performance and our families and our life and I think the amount of people that are now dealing with that today who are in the spotlight constantly has only increased there are more people in the spotlight and there are more people criticizing people in the spotlight and I don't think we've ever
stopped to think about and when someone is as honest as you you can only empathize to think yeah we don't realize the damage we're doing to people because I don't think it's tennis that you're mad at as a sport yeah the activity it's what comes with it is what it sounds like to me yeah definitely it's not playing tennis no because I I enjoy it I think tennis is a great Sport and everyone who plays it
I'm like it's I can see how it's enjoyable and it's it's great for you yeah it's more so I think Kyrie Irving you know I love some of his stuff because he says like I don't think people understand words can actually hurt someone a lot and I've told I had I've said the exact same thing like Fame and social media it's all man-made like it's someone's not supposed to deal like supposed to wake up and then see such
negativity feed into their brain constantly every day and like how how do you expect someone to just perform or just survive with that much negativity and you I have conversations obviously you wouldn't understand but I have conversations with some my friends about it no one can understand that because it's like it's not normal like you're not supposed to say all that negativity
you're not supposed to deal with it and I don't know I guess I've kind of run out of answers or Solutions as to how do you deal with that like yeah you can speak to people about it but it's so overwhelming and how do you stop it and you're right until someone really crashes and burns then you're like I think we push it too far but that's human nature we all take things for granted and we all don't understand our
actions until you know there's a reaction but yeah I mean I don't like to word it in the sense that I'm just surviving every day I'm just surviving but it it does feel like that for me like that's why everything's a bonus like if I'm here tomorrow and I'm enjoying it I'm eating Chipotle and I'm going to watching Lakers game or E Clippers game like that's amazing like that's awesome I never thought that I'd
still be here doing those things but obviously Dennis just couldn't obviously articulate any other way like that's how it is that's how it feels like at times and just a bit dark to say it like that but yeah was in a dark place but I guess that's just what it feels like for me half the time as well what I was saying it's amazing that you've been able would have be more upbeat and kind of positive
and and I hope you keep finding that because just from the few moments we've spent I could tell you like you like having a good time you you like smiling you like laughing you like you know like there's a positive energy that surrounds you from the moment you walked into my home today and I hope you always hold on to that because you have that natural ability to make people feel good and and
have a positive energy and I hope you never lose that because it is seems to who naturally who you are it's so easy to go down the other track how have you managed though with your relationship too like obviously quite public about your relationship like how have you managed to maintain that in a positive way as well because that seems to be a positive part of your life a part of
your life you like sharing aot a part of your life that you talking about earlier like but having a relationship in the spotlight is very challenging so how have you managed to keep that in the spotlight but then also keep it positive well I was very that just comes from experience as well I've had relationships prior that that you know were toxic and they didn't end up going well and I think the thing I love about
my relationship now we have such strong boundaries and respect for each other like we don't and in with social media and relationships in general like boundaries can be a bit soft and I think you know my I come from a background where my parents have been together for nearly you know 40 years wow and they're you know they're still they argue and they they joke with each other they get
on each other's nerves and you know I spoke to my mom about it she goes patience is the biggest thing in a relationship where communication and patience and I I think like she my girlfriend's a bit more a bit younger than I am but we've we've sat down we've we've set our boundaries and respect for each other and I think that's why it works because we understand that being in the spotlight is brutal like for
relationships there always going be people trying to tear you down send a message here or there like even liking a f like these types of things and I've now realized that I have to be diligent with these things because it's a respect thing like on social media I guess that's like who you are in today's day and ages who you are who are you on Instagram who are you on Twitter so you
have to make sure that you're ticking every box on those sort of platforms but yeah like and my girlfriend gets it and she listens to me if I hadn't have all these experiences she wouldn't listen so she knows that I've been through a lot and and she trusts me as well so she's very she does listen and we have a great relationship yeah yeah the the boundaries part is so important it's so important yeah you know like if I I
always have this example like you know like if if if she was like pregnant with my kid and my just popped up with like you know girls just like liking my photo and stuff like that plays a part I think that builds up you know tension and then it just explodes so you know I try and tick every box and make her feel comfortable and respected and especially it's heightened because we're in the
spotlight so much so I try and I try and do everything I can to make her feel comfortable yeah no it's uh you know I think it was I remember my wife and I had been together for like three years before no we'd been together for for we've been married for 3 years and together for 6 years before we did something together publicly on social media Y and I felt that that was so important
for us because we'd been together for a while but then when social media started to take off for me and and the content that I was making we were just still like finding our foundations and like figuring it out and I can't imagine if we would have been active on social media together in any way earlier than that for us because I think I was just figuring out what it meant for me then she was
figuring out what it meant for her and I feel like a lot of people it doesn't matter whether you have a platform or not we're not having those conversations and figuring that out with another human being and even now even till this day my wife has different priorities on social media and what she wants to share than I do and it comes with so many interesting question marks like we had someone
asking us a question of like like oh like well you post about your relationship but she doesn't like does that mean there's an issue and I was like no it's just we have different ways like I love sharing about her relationship she likes keeping it a bit more private like that doesn't mean that there's an issue but it's so fascinating how everything gets taken out of context yeah I think most relationships the
problems stem from social media and you know I've got friends that have very healthy relationships with different standards on social media like you said but I feel like to give the relationship the best chance of working you need to see eye to eye on those things because in my previous relationships the St the standards on social media weren't the same and they weren't as respected of
both sides and it didn't go well but here we have we see eye to ey and I think it's a crucial part of it because it again social media what what is it like I didn't grow up with social I had a flip phone and and I remember the first time when Instagram became a thing and it was like you used to share a picture of a flower and stuff now it's like a whole business it's it's just evolving and it's changing so I think
you need to have it's so important to have these conversations because they unfortunately it plays a huge part in relationships it does yeah another thing that came up on social media was your interaction with Drake that you posted did you ever get together well the thing is we didn't our beef was so so ridiculous like I was 19 and I just said I came out slow so I'm not going to listen to Dr I said it jokingly and then
he came out and said oh who is this guy I'll chop him down and I was like all right you're five you're like 5'9 I'm 6'4 and then um and then he reached out after wimon and then I I went back and I would love to I mean I would love to get him on on on my stuff but he I mean I also respect these guys have so much going on you know in in their life and if they speak to me or send me a message
that's a bonus you it it comes back to all that being a bonus so I do love his music I'm just going to say that yeah yeah so do I so do I good and uh but no it's funny but that so that was an old conversation old conversation yeah yeah that was funny that was funny no I mean I think I mean watch it I think you guys doing a podcast today would be dope that would be cool I think it be really good
let's put it out there I think that would be cool that would be that would be awesome to watch no it's I I love what you keep going back to man I think it's you know I've met so many people who have achieved incredible things but they've lost that childlike view of it they've lost that not that they've lost gratitude but they've lost that feeling of like oh my gosh I can't believe this
like that feeling of magic and it feels like you've held on to that that I think that's the only thing I like even just driving to your house today like I was like this is insane like I just I love yeah I just love like I have utmost respect for everything you've created like you must just look back at your journey and be like wow like this is sick and I love reminding people of like not that they need it but like it feels
good when someone comes into you and actually is like dude well done like good stuff cuz I can only imagine how hard you've worked for everything here and like I feel like the normal person doesn't really realize how hard someone has to work to achieve all this just you didn't just put your hand into a raffle and pull it out and be like okay I'm J shet now with all this like and I just
love making people feel that way and it's because it's yeah we all started from from something so small and I think that's so cool and and you and how you find a way to still let yourself feel that way yeah sometimes I I I like making myself feel good and it's not in an arrogant way it's like I I just think I've done some pretty cool things like you know whether it be on the tennis
court or collaborations with people like it's a it's cool and I think for the viewers that are going to watch this like it's not like you just we just started in this position like we were just normal people and we didn't really ask for everything that came with it we're all trying to figure it all out yeah what's been your proudest moment off the court I guess anytime I'm with my family and you know where having a
good dinner together we might be eating at a restaurant and just all together just any moment like that for me now is the best I just feel like we were cuz during that period when I was really unwell I didn't talk to my family at all I didn't you know speak to them they I gave them I put so much stress on on my family and now when we meet up and we have a gathering and we're all there and
we're just having some good laughs like those are the my my favorite moments now like the simplest of things are so make me so happy now yeah do you do a lot of together during the holidays coming up or yeah we going there's so many you know we have the annual curios Christmas party like things like this tell me about that tell me about the annual curios Christmas so every every year there's like in camra like 3 to 400
people come through our house during the night 3 to 400 people and then they're coming and going there's always a theme like this year it's Gatsby so everyone's going to be in suits cigars and stuff so it's good last year was like superhero super villains like those types of things now are amazing like I can't wait to just see all my loved ones family and friends and that's what I look forward
to now and yeah I guess everything that I achieve is and when people like ask me that they're like no you're just being humble it's like no I genuinely just love simple moments like that so good yeah yeah what's you were talking about you've been inspired by the Next Generation walk me through a moment you've had with like a young fan or or one of those moments that you feel like
that stays with you and that keeps you motivated and keep going well I guess my game style is you know unorthodox and you know I'm playing crazy shots and crazy moments and when people send me videos of like their young kids playing they're trying to hit a tweener or they're trying to serve like me that that's cool I think someone that I kind of look up to is like alen Iverson you look at his basketball game and you look
at the culture he left you know the way he dressed and he's some of his press conferences are are hilarious and I think he had his own style and people wanted to be him and I think when I when it's all said and done there's going to be so many people around the world trying to play like me and play the shot that they're not supposed to play and cuz it gives them that thrill so I think
if if that carries on at the end of my career that's that's something pretty special yeah yeah it's very cool I remember I still remember the Alan Iverson rebok I am what I am adverts I don't know if you had rebook back in Australia back then but in the UK we had these ads and it used to just say I am what I am and Alan Iverson kicked it off and it's stayed with me ever since that day even though you know I I maybe never
didn't even follow the brand or the sport that much but still it stayed with me yeah he's like the definition of that like I just love his press conference so good cuz he was just like human he said like I cry just like you guys you know I'm not the best every day I don't feel like working I don't feel like showing up but and you expect me to do all these things and I think yeah just normal
people towards athletes or people that you know have a lot of things going on like they just lose a bit of compassion towards those people I think yeah you've mentioned crying a few times I was wondering when was the last time that you like really cried or something that really made you cry I probably could have broken down a couple times during some of this conversation but I tried not to
um I try to control it a little bit more these days I just feel like I used to cry a lot you know I've had conversations with my you know my mom um heaps of people I feel like I can break down so often just because things are just so raw and they just have it's like a if you pull the wrong string I feel like at any moment in time I probably could get really emotional but I think we do need to be a bit stronger than
that at times um but yeah I I my dad I draw a lot of strength from my dad you know he's he never cries and he's always he's like the strong person in our family so I try and look I looked up to him a lot with that type of stuff so yeah I mean I used to cry a lot yeah but do you see do you still see crying as a weakness or you've seen it as a good Outlet as well I mean you're obviously
feeling that way for some reason I think it's not good to let it in it's not good to bottle it up during this conversation and I felt like crying and because you've touched on things that are so emotional and I think that if I don't try and be stronger then I'm always gonna you know someone's going to watch this like I don't want them to think it's like the only way is to open up and cry about it you can be strong about
things and I still feel like crying of course I do but I feel like I need to be a bit stronger than that yeah that's an interesting I I like that kind of nuance because of course I believe it's healthy to cry I think it's necessary to cry sometimes when you feel a certain way but at the same time I agree with you that the ability to know you feel like crying but keeping it together not for
performance or not for the sake of how other people feel but you're almost strengthening your ability to deal with an emotion is an interesting Nuance cuz I feel like the world used to tell men like you can't cry and then it became like you should cry and then and then there's like this in between which is the reality of like I can relate to what you just said where I'm like I like crying sometimes I think it's important
but then there's sometimes where I'm like no actually I want to be able to hold myself like I just gave a it was my sister's wedding like two months ago and I didn't anticipate how emotional it was going to be so my sister's like five years younger than me she's been my baby ever since she grew up she's a little kid for me she's short as well she's shorter than me so it's like she's
literally like a child and I knew her wedding was coming up and all the rest of it you prepped yourself for it I I kind of prepped myself but I didn't realize how was going to be and Indian weddings are like huge I got I got I got I got a guy he's he's going to be watching this for sure he told me about he sent me all the videos nuts you guys are crazy it's crazy so it was five events over seven days and every event
has like 300 people in and so we at there and I was more emotionally drained after that week than I am for my whole year of like giving and helping and everything that I do that was the most emotionally moving week of my entire life and I walked my sister down the aisle and if you watch the video I'm literally trying and I'm doing what you just said you had to do I just had to hold back cuz I knew if I cry and she
sees me cry then she's going to cry then her makeup's going to go bad then then she's going to be mad at me later that I made her cry on a wedding day yeah and so I'm holding it back and then my wife thought about it ahead she told her she goes don't look at him during the wedding ceremony cuz he's going to be crying and so my sister avoided eye contact with me the whole ceremony cuz
the whole time was crying and it was just fascinating to me because I've probably not cried that much ever in my life but there were times when I had to hold back for her sake and there were times when I let it out and I like that you brought that up because I do think that we've gone from one extreme to The Other Extreme of men never CED to men should cry all the time to figure out
that healthy balance yeah I think it's with anything like you get injured you break a bone it heals you get stronger so like it's not to say that you shouldn't acknowledge the pain or acknowledge trying but trying to stay strong through those moments I think is just as important of of realizing yeah you're you're hurt and those are touchy topics but how are you going to every time someone brings it up are you just
going to cry or are you going to be able to talk about and educate other people that are going through the same thing you know I think you got to be a bacon um and just yeah hold it together a little bit what's your days looking like right now like now that you're in your element you're having a good time things are opening up you're doing new creative Endeavors what what does your day look
like right now and what you loving about it yeah well my team comes with me for these opportunities and obviously like you know I I kind of it's all insane the fact that I have these options now and so obviously training is a big part of my day still you know obviously rehabbing through you know surgeries and and just maintaining that strength whilst you're not playing is a big thing you can get pretty you know relaxed with
it and you can lose years of work in in a couple of months so you know I'm trying to stay on top of that and then with doing all these things I feel I just got a new passion cuz I I love communicating with people I love learning about people and I love helping and I just love entertaining giving the audience something different than what they've seen from me the last 10 years
so just all these types of things training you know seeing the world with my girlfriend is is is I know that we're Extremely Blessed you know 95% of relationships you don't get to travel you don't get to do the world like we get to do it so I know that I'm extremely blessed in that department and and a little 1% of NBA games I love basketball so yeah you been watching yeah yeah I'm watching we might be going
tonight to the game too oh who's your team I'm a Boston Celtic fan okay so being in La is tough yeah what's been the best country you visited your favorite place that you visited maybe with your girlfriend even on your own that that's kind of like left the mark well Australia is the best place in the world I'm just going to say that it is every person that go I loved going to I had the best time like out of
my whole tour I had so much fun in Australia it was amazing Australia is the best place in the world I I love the states personally just because of the sport you guys do sport here like nothing else um but my mom's half Malaysian I'm half Malaysian my mom's Malaysian so every time I go to Malaysia or you know any Asian country I love the food like you know my mom cooks I'm not just saying
this my mom is honestly probably one of the best cooks in the world and I've grown up with such a good food background so I love I could live in Asia hands down um but the states probably some in there I mean I'm half Greek Europe's nice but Australia is the best place in the world it's the best place in the world where in Australia if someone had to visit where should they
go where should me I come from Cambra and everyone from Australia thinks CRA is not a very good place but I love the Simplicity of CRA like it's a very I love coffee like I love the cafe scene I love just chilling but Sydney Melbourne or even Gold Coast some of that beautiful places just such a good lifestyle they're so safe and you can just do whatever you need to do in Sydney I mean Australia in general so
yeah yeah yeah I need to go back I I went for work and I was feel like when you go for work it's different definitely of course and so I was like I was telling my wife I was like we have to go back and and just experience it I like to come come to you for recommendations yeah we got a couple good spots couple good spots what would you say now if there's anything keeps you up at night still yeah so I lost my
I lost my grandma when I was about 19 after I first broke onto the scene and she was like my best friend through my childhood like my mom and my mom was always working I didn't get to see much of my mom like my grandma picked me off from school dropped me into trainings we slept in the same room together we had bunk beds like we were like best friends and she kind of passed away when things
get a bit crazy for me in my career like medor and you know I probably didn't spend as enough time with her that I would have liked and I think back to when you know we she was in a nursing home towards the end of her life and I feel like that kind of really bothers me I feel like tennis took time away not tennis itself like you said the sport just everything that came with it took special time away
that I should have had with her and I was so young and naive to say to these people no I don't want to do it like it was like the time where you know money was coming in for my family I was changing my entire family's life so I felt like that that sits with me and that's painful because she was my best friend and she I guess she maybe understood it maybe she didn't so I feel like if I could spend some more time
with her instead of doing Media or an interview or business or something like that I guess I wish I could have more time with her but hopefully she's up there watching and and proud of everything that I'm doing now and yeah I guess that I think about that you know all the time that's that's that's a tough one when you can't do anything about it now CH yeah you can't change it those are the ones that are
like you know it's it's tough thinking you could have done one and you're so young too and like your career is taking off like it's so forgivable in that sense like you know it's how would you know at 19 what to prioritize and what to focus on and you're living the dream in one sense and like you said you're changing your family's life it's it's hard it's hard to deal with that and I
guess would you say it doesn't sound like that's a regret though it does it sounds like it's something that's kind of yeah I think I used to think it was like I used to really be upset about it and I I was regretful of doing everything that came with it I was like I hated tennis I hated everything that came around it cuz I was like we I just kind of I didn't leave her but I kind of
just didn't spend as much time as I used to spend with her so now I've come to understand it like I was young I didn't I wasn't educated on you know these things that I had to be doing so I I guess I've been a bit nicer to myself on that on that topic but I still think about it like I unfairly think about it at night time yeah yeah it's yeah it's it's amazing how the mind works right like you can literally avoid something
the whole day yeah and somehow at night it comes back and it just like almost like on Clockwork like on time it's so fascinating how have you found a way of switching those thoughts off or um I guess I just realized now that that's just more love and more time that I want wanted with her so I'll try and look at her as a positive like why am I always thinking about this moment why is it
always coming up it's just because she meant a lot to me and that's you know I have so much more stuff that I wish I could just sit down with her now and speak about everything that's been going on and you know she would love it she was the ultimate jok through in our family she had she was just a free spirit and I feel like that's where I get some of my personality from on the court so if I could just sit down with
her now and just chat about things would be amazing and I guess that's what I just try and turn into positive like she I got so much stuff that I want to talk to her about and I feel like yeah if she was here during that dark time I don't I think I would have got through it a lot easier but yeah I guess I just turned into a positive yeah there's there's also you've said that you know after the
wimon game with jovic you you felt like you could have won it like there was a feeling like yeah you could have done that that could have been it how much does that play on your mind a lot that I was two sets away from winning wimon and you know if I played anyone else on planet that day I felt like I would have won so yeah I mean now I'm at peace with it but for the 3 to four months after
that was like an everyday it was like not just a nighttime thing it was like what could I have done differently every time I was in the gym every time I was on court like why didn't I you know that was my opportunity why didn't I just grab it but now I understand like the more he achieves now the more I'm nicer I'm like okay no everyone's trying to still figure this out but um yeah I mean
look N More Than 99% of the world hasn't figured out how to beat him on a on a consistent basis so I can't be too angry about it yeah I like that perspective that's a good mindset to have yeah and but it's so interesting right like I can totally empathize with that idea of how you can be so harsh and heavy on yourself for like three to four months because you can overanalyze how have you mastered the art of limiting over
analysis or what have you learned about stopping over analysis to the point that it becomes a weakness well tennis is a is a sport where you have to be a good loser because every week you're you're losing unless you're one of these top guys who is winning consecutive tournaments you're experiencing a loss every week and you just have to pick yourself up and go again in a different country different surface different time
zone so you just have to just be really good at understanding what you've done wrong moving on and just going again cuz one week one to two weeks in tennis can change your life you can have 30 Bad weeks in a row the minute you have one really good result things change for you so you have to that's what I about tennis you have to learn to bounce back quickly and I think it's That's A Life
Lesson like you're going to experience ups and downs things are going to be horrific for a couple months they might be great so it's like riding the wave and being kind of equal through everything and just backing up and going again consistency is you learn that from tennis so early on which is cool I like that yeah with other sports you have an offseason so you have like a period of
time to say what do I need to get better at I can get stronger with tennis there's no off Seas it's like every week it's a new tournament so you can't be too down when you lose and then when you win it's like but you're playing tomorrow so you got to just start again yeah what's something in life that you've had to learn the hard way [Music] um that's hard yeah take your time I don't know let me ask you that
question what something I've had to learn the hard way here's a hard question so let me take a second to that no one's coming to save me that no one no one magic person is going to discover my abilities my qualities and help me become the best version of myself that there's not going to be one person who just activates it all you activates it all and makes it easier and shows me the
path and clears all the you know clears all the obstacles and says Jay Just Walk This Way and like when you put something in in iPhone maps and it tells you which direction to go exactly like someone who's going to come and show you the map of life and no matter how much someone cares or doesn't care it's that's not there and I think I've I think I just had this inbuilt belief since I was
young that someone else was going to discover me and help me and it was only when I realized that that person was me that life became easier but it took me a long time to learn that and you know they talk about it in dating especially for the way women were raised but it's called the Disney princess syndrome this idea of like how Disney made young women believe that one day your night and shining armor
will come and save you and there'll be this perfect guy who has everything figured out and you'll kiss a frog and he'll become a prince and all these ideas and I think we all carry that in some way so I think that's been really hard for me and I think the other one was what we were talking about earlier like I think something I've had to learn the hard way is I deeply believed that when I achieve a certain
level of success that everyone will like me y or that when I make it to this level that everyone will recognize my struggle and my pain and everyone will acknowledge how hard I've worked yeah I guess that's that's probably been my biggest one like I I wish people like when I meet new people that they just like how I am with people that have achieved things I'm so grateful I'm so like proud of them in a way and I don't
even know these people but I'm like wow you must have worked really hard like that for me is like I wish people would give me more just maybe a little bit more credit from time to time you know just of some of the things that it it's been hard it hasn't been like an easy Journey at all for me and for for I'm sure anyone in a position of achieving things it's been so hard yeah and that
could be anything right like I think we're talking about everyone everyone like if you're someone who's just figuring out how to pay the bills for your family or you're taking care of your K deserve a little pat on the back he deserves to sit down and may be made to feel good a little bit about things you know yeah yeah and it's almost weird because we think of that as cheesy yeah like we think of that as like I'll get
over it you know just but I feel like we all need me and my friend talk about this my my best man at my wedding like my best mate we talk about this a lot about how we all need a sense of acknowledgement and recognition for what we're doing yeah and a lot of the time that scene is like soft or it's scen as like oh you shouldn't need that like get over it I think it's motivating like I
think it makes you want to achieve more when people recognize okay you're doing really well you're on the right track keep going it's not like it's not arrogant I think to just sit down and recognize that I've come a long way I'm on the right track and what I'm doing is very special I think that could be motivating in a way rather than seen as like soft or why do you need credit for
that like it's like you're not doing things at every single person person is doing like that you're doing obviously something about you is special your your you know your details are you're ticking everything off the box like that's you should need acknowledgement for that yeah what's uh is there is there a moment that you wish you had acted differently in a press conference or in a game a moment where you look back and
think you know what actually I'm better than that and I'm I'm such a I'm a nice guy that's not me that was so far from who I am that I actually don't feel good about yeah I've had so many moments like that I mean I could go on YouTube now and I guess the thing about tennis is when you finish a match you only have you you have to do media like so soon to when finishing so you haven't had time
to digest any sort of emotions so you go in there with and the thing about it now with me I walk into a room with about 50 people all ready to attack me they're not actually going to ask me about oh how did the match play out they're going to just nitpick and come at me in an aggressive way and I haven't had time to digest I I haven't even eaten after 4 hours sometimes and then when I did that
time on Pi Morgan he's like this guy's so rude he's so such so disrespectful I played for 4 and a half hours I needed to eat some food because for my nutrition and my preparation so it's like I walk in there and I have had no time to digest I haven't and then these people are just going at me and then I retaliate and for me oh I'm not that that that's fine you should be able to retaliate but then I look back at all
the people that are watching this kids and they see I could be disrespect F to someone that I don't even want to be that but in that moment I just haven't had any time to just reflect on what's just happened and I feel like yeah I do I do regret sometimes on how I've acted on the tennis court or in the press conference because it's it's not that version of Nick curiosity I want people
to like millions of people to watch and say oh that's how he is what a prick you know what I mean but that's not me and Australians in general we have a bit of that like where if you come at us we'll we'll retaliate in a way of you know we'll make you feel it too and I I guess my upbringing where you know the bullying and stuff I've always had that chip on shoulder where I'm in a position
to give it I'll give it a little bit you know so I don't feel proud of making other people feel bad and I think that's just more of a retaliation of I know how much it hurts so now I'm going to give it back to you a little bit and that's not that's not a good thing to do especially after you know in a press conference where millions of people are going to see it yeah see I definitely have some regrets with that yeah yeah
especially when it's not you it's not me yeah I think that's I think that's the hardest part right like when something you there's a certain understanding that you have with it but when you feel like that's not me like I I I can empathize with that like if in any conversation or anything that I've done more offline where I've not acted like myself it's almost the hardest thing in the world
because I'm like God now I've shown someone aside of me that's not me exactly and then they run with it they're like look look how he is and I'm like that was like a 10-minute press conference you know it's not even at all of what I actually what's kind of person I am at all so yeah that's been that's been hard and it's interesting by the way it is interesting to understand the context of you playing
for four and a half hours you haven't eaten like it's good to know all you know like The Human Side of like if you're watching a press conference you're not thinking it through that deeply no you're not you're just like ah this guy just come off the court like whatever like's you know it's what we do and it's interesting cuz I'm like yeah if I was hungry for four and a half hours and I'm just played and I get
asked a question that annoys me I can imagine retaliating too and defensive like exactly if if the player had you know if you came back into the tennis courts the next day and had a whole night to reflect on the match moments where you were great moments where you weren't you could just speak calmer about situation it's like when couples have a fight sometimes having figuring
out then and there is not the best thing you know you need some time away you need to reflect you need to have a conversation and come back and when you're both Cala like rather than when the emotions are high and you just turns into an absolute explosion so yeah I mean that's the same thing and I'm into room where empathe that I lost they like why you lose for why you act like this it's like okay you're attacking me now
I'm going to go back at you and then yeah so yeah and it's the Trap it's the game they want play that's the Articles and the headlines they want it's the game they want to play yeah who is that who is the basketball player who had a really good respon was it yanis oh yeah and he's like do you you know if you don't get a promotion do you see that as a bad year like exactly everything's
building to you know losing is not always seen as a failure why is that so yeah yeah no it was what is the joy tell me tell me how it feels yeah to break a racket how how does that feel it does feel good it does feel good doesn't it it does feel good sometimes it feels good when does it when does it feel good and when does it not feel good I guess it doesn't feel good when I know it's detrimental to what's going on if look
when I know when I get to that level of anger I know that it's not helping me but sometimes you know if I've lost the match and you know the match is over and I go to my bag and I see it there and I know that I've got all this anger built up and I let loose it does feel good the timing of doing those things can help your performance or you know cuz sometimes I've seen in my experience but
other athletes like jovic and Serena Williams all these Legends of broken rackets but the response after that the key component and sometimes you need to let off the steam because you're expecting more from yourself and I feel like the response if you're going to come back with energy and you know say I did that now it's time to reset that it can actually help you in a way walk us
through the balance of when anger is helpful versus when it becomes destructive as the way you found it cuz I've been angry where I've broken rackets and then I become you know smartass with the Umpire and then I'm I'm actually not concentrating on what I need to do to win the match it's like I'm more pissed off at myself I'm more pissed off at the Umpire where I've had times where if I break a racket and you
know I walk back to my bag and I'm like all right here we go you've you've done that now you know it's time to reset you we we're not playing well but now how are we going to change that so I feel like the discipline of doing and these great players have shown that and they start playing better and they end up winning the match so it's hard because you don't want to make it seem like a
violent act because then kids are going to be like it's okay to throw rackets it's okay to but that's why I think the response after that's more important it's like he did that but then he started playing unbelievable so something must have clicked in his head after he did that so I guess it can be positive but you don't I'm not going to sit here and say yeah smash all the rackets in the world no no no not at all
yeah yeah no no that that's a that's a thoughtful response like I I can appreciate that like I can definitely see how getting that kind of competitive Spirit out in a physical act can be like helpful I I can recognize that yeah and unless it hurts someone else which it isn't exactly and so it's it's interesting how like you're saying like the greats do it often y but the respon is like how how did how did
that help you process things yeah versus how did it lead you down it's like a complete reset almost so yeah and I've I've seen it all the time like I've seen jovic alar as Serena do these things and it's like okay they realize they're not playing up to their standard and they go back and you see them breathing and then it's like they've done that it's like a it's like they've reach the limit of
playing really bad and now it's time to switch that so it's good I mean it can it can be used as a reset yeah how much is meditation and breathing or mindfulness been a part of your world or is that something you're discovering or you've been practicing for a while oh I'm just the I'm in complete work in progress like people think that I've got my stuff figured out and you know I have
a nice routine like people don't realize that having a routine is harder than doing something different and having stimulation every day that's easy like having waking up and doing something different is so easy every day but can you get up week in week out monthly yearly doing the same routine having the discipline like that's having a routine for me is probably the hardest thing ever and that's been my weakness in my
career is consistency okay played great that week but canny shop and I haven't proven I guess that's what I haven't proven is cons I've been consistent enough to make it this far but am I consistent Enough To Be A Champion probably not and I know that so I think I'm just a work in progress whether it's meditation whether it's breathing like I started Pilates like two months ago I
never thought that I'd ever stop Pilates like when my girlfriend went to Pilates I'm like I started laughing I started doing it I'm like oh my God this is hard this is hard ass I'm still trying to figure out like breathing for me is a big one when I'm on court I I I really am mindful of my breathing but am I I don't even think I'm at that point of discipline or consistency yet to meditate I can't even I hate being alone
with my thoughts still I still have extremely dark thoughts so I think I just try with easy you know consistent habits you know go for a walk to get a coffee in the morning with my girlfriend or you know just these lighter things um having a routine for me is incredibly hard still and people with routine think oh they're boring no they're just cons they're really disciplined and
consistent with their work and that's that's really healthy routines and disciplines are I mean yeah they're so hard to build so hard to build easy to break y so easy to fall off so hard to get back on yeah and so powerful when you get them right yeah and yeah anyone who can keep a discipline together every day is it's it's it's a serious achievement it is what what's the most difficult emotion
or thought that you deal with regularly still or an emotion or thought you struggle to deal with still um that I'm not enough I think that was the biggest one I think I I struggled with was I'm letting people down and I'm not enough and that's from you know millions and millions of opinions that have just built up over time and I I can see you know when I lose a tennis match or when I don't
achieve things I can see sometimes my even my family get disappointed and that's just it just ate me up for so long like going on social media saying cuz I was supposed to be the next per after the big three it was like okay curios is going to take over the mental he's going to be the one for 15 years you know being professional winning grand slams and I think I look back on my career and I didn't even get close
not even a quarter of what people thought that I should have achieved um with the talent that I have and I still deal with it it's like I'm never going to achieve what all these people thought I was going to achieve but I've had tough conversations with myself in the mirror saying like am I okay with not maybe winning a grand slam am I okay with not achieving you know I am I I I'm okay with that but
it's still hard because it's like I know that my family would love that like they maybe would they they would prefer me being that type of champion or this person and I really did struggle with that early on like it's it's hard everyone wants you to be something that you're not but the one thing that they kind of understand more is that I'm happier being this this way I'm happier just being myself and having some fun
and and just doing it my way and that's that's I'm so thankful that the most important people are they can just understand I'm not saying that they that's what they want but at least they can understand it now but yeah that's been that was the hardest thing I think for me that makes sense Nick you've been incredible man this has been uh what I really appreciate about you is
the genuine authentic raw real answers like I can tell when I'm sitting with you I'm listening to someone who's not it's interesting in a press conference it seems like you don't feel filter the combativeness and today I'm like you're not filtering to make yourself look a different way or appear a different way you're just being who you are and I really appreciate that because I think we all need to to make
sense of it and I think a lot of us who are struggling with that feeling of not being enough or not living up to the expectations of our family or not having achieved the goals that everyone else thought we'd set out to I think that's more of us in in life than the people who go on to achieve everything and the interesting thing is even the people that go on to achieve everything that everyone wanted them to they're not
happy either because they often find that they went and W at things that they didn't care about they lost themselves then they lost themselves and so I know that this is going to resonate with a lot of people but as you know we end every onp purpose episode with a final five these questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum okay and so Nick curious these are your final
five the first question is what is the best advice you've ever heard or received uh it's Never As Good As It Seems and it's never as bad as it seems who said that where did you learn that so s he was one of my tennis coaches and I feel like we there was that was very tennis specific because when I was on court I had the talent to like Amaze millions of people but I always went on Court and tried to do that where he was
like you don't have to do that these people paid to come watch you play just because of how you just are so I always was like okay maybe I don't have to try as hard and then when I was playing bad he I used to think I was playing horrific but then he was like you're bad for most people is still amazing so it's not that bad and then I started carrying that to everyday life like when I was
having some really bad moments and everyone thinks when they're going through a struggle they're like [ __ ] this is the worst part of my life and I'm like this is not the worst part of your life it's just going through a bad phase so that's why I'm never too high anymore with some amazing achievements like when I finals of Wimbledon to most people was is an amazing achievement and
it is but I wasn't like it's like I carry my trophy everywhere with me and I'm like you know I make fun like you know I just you know it's an amazing achievement and it's it's it's in the past now so I think just being able to ride the the highs and the lows the same I think when you're able to do that it's you can just navigate through life a little easier and you know that's the that's actually the quote above the
Wimbledon Court is when when when you can look at a victory and a loss the same way that's when you've you know conquered life a little bit so I think yeah that's like the final thing you see above the core as it's opening up I'm not sure that's the exact quote but it's along those lines so that quote there is very similar to that you know it's never as bad as it seems It's Never As Good As
It Seems nice I love that uh Second question what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received it's not that simple I don't like I think about when I've Had My Success you know I've eaten healthy I've been active and I've just worked hard those it's it it really is simple for everyone I think if you just break it down into nice simple categories you're going to get the best
out of yourself and you you're going to have success whatever whatever that is success is different for everyone but it's not that simple the amount of times I heard that in school in from tennis coaches from everything it it really if if they told me it's simple like do these things and you'll probably get the best out yourself so yeah it's not that simple though I hate it I hated hearing
it cuz it really was to get in my position it is quite simple yeah it's it's hard but the the steps to getting it it's it's actually very simple yeah it's not easy but it's simple yeah yeah yeah I agree I would agree uh question number three what's something that you've been trying to unlearn oh that's a t that's a hard one because I've had to unlearn nearly everything that I thought like cuz you know I made so many
people I'm not really following your rules of keeping it short am I that's cool man it's good they're good answers but um a lot you know I've met so many people and I thought that I'd meet a lot of I thought I'd meet a lot of cool people and good genuine people on the way but I've been really disappointed I feel like I feel being in our position it's hard every time you meet someone
you don't know if anyone genuinely wants to be your friend or hang out with you or you know go to dinner with you because we're good people or is just do you want to just be around us because of and that's just a common struggle I think that I deal with every day I really do struggle with that cuz I'm a genuine person I only want to hang out with you if I think you're cool and you're you got a good heart so I think I
I I thought that a lot of people I'm trying to unlearn that everyone has good intentions I felt like everyone should have that and everyone doesn't that's yeah and that's a hard one that's a really hard one and I I can resonate with that too I think sometimes it's really interesting right like when you're I feel like sometimes if I get along with someone or I feel like a natural sense of chemistry with someone
I can come on quite strong but I'm just being who I am and I'm okay with that like I'll be like to someone hey we should hang out or whatever I'm exactly like that and and I like living that way because to me that's how I've made some of my best friends if I wasn't like that yeah you're always sheltered how you going to experience like the good times totally and and I've opened myself up to
that sometimes people are like oh maybe he has something that he wants or like I'm like no not really I'm just that's just who I am that's how I was raed just feel good yeah exactly and so I I I can relate to that all right question number four a rule everyone should break and a rule everyone should follow I prefer the follow one I think goad um oh I don't know I'm going to give that to you I'm going to give that to you I
can't answer the rule everyone should break y i i i actually I can't answer it I've never asked it before I just got inspired to ask it to you rule everyone should break I'm just trying to think of rules that the world sets that we think everyone should break and so let me think of a rule the way I would think about it is what of rules that we were all told like even Unwritten rules that
we all heard since we were young that now I look at it and I go n we should break that rule and you expected me to answer the question and you no no no I want to give a genuine answer cuz I know but you're so the way you have answers to pretty much everything but I like I like to be thoughtful because it literally I came up with that question right now just for you like it was a moment thing it wasn't
a the I would say that like an Unwritten rule or like a rule that I think everyone was told to follow was like I feel like when you were growing up yep you were told to fit in yes and then when you get older you're told to stand out y right it's like if you want to be successful when you're a kid fit in yeah wear the uniform stand in line do well in school it's like everyone's told to
fit in and then as you get older if you want to win at whatever career auth you got to be different you got to be authentic it's like wait a minute and so instead of fitting in or trying to stand out the rule to break is to say well I'm not going to fit in or I'm not going to stand out I am just going to learn to discover myself and I think it's not even about being you I think that's the
cheesy answer of like just be yourself I don't think it's about being yourself I think it's about discovering yourself and getting to know yourself and so the rule we need to break is stop trying to fit in or stand out just get to know yourself I think figure out yeah just figure it out is what comes to mind anyway so I like it yeah we'll go with that you just keep flipping them back on I like it it's smart it's good tactic
it's good PR training this this a class in PR training from Nick Fifth and final question if you could create one law we ask this to every guest of all time if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow what would it be before you criticize someone you have to do what they do for one day so like if someone criticizes my tennis game they need to get on the court and try
and play or like if I was criticizing someone that I had to go I think that should be a law before you if if you're willing to criticize then you're going to be that person for one day and deal with everything that that person deals with that is a brilliant answer I love that we never had that on the show and I love that that would be amazing if you actually became that person for a day
you had to swap lives anyone you judged or criticized you had to swap lives with them for one day yep that would be phenomenal and it's not like a it's not like a holiday it's like a business day it's not it's not like a party like a Saturday night no it's like the the working day yeah because then I would think I would think twice yeah like I've criticized basketball players anyone I'd
be like oh you what and then they like all right you want to do the day thing oh actually no I'm good cuz I think a lot of people in my position would like they would freak out I think if I had to go out and play a match in front of the stadiums then do the press conference and then deal with the criticism and they had to real like feel the realness of it all they wouldn't want to criticize again yeah I like that law man
like that's a good law it is a good law it's a good law Nick kirus Nick this has been such a joy and pleasure man you totally overd delivered and for what it's worth from the moment we started messaging to meeting you today to having this conversation you're a genuinely nice guy man appreciate that thank you and uh I've enjoyed every minute we've spent together and I look forward to
many more genuinely genely man yeah it's been fun thank you man of course if you love this episode you'll love my interview with Kobe Bryant on how to be strategic and obsessive to find your purpose our children have become less imaginative about how to problem solve and parents and coaches have become more directive in trying to tell them how to behave versus teaching them how to behave