0:00
Like I was shushed so much in in my toxic relationship where it was like a physical like or like hand on mouth and I'm just like when you're asked to be quieted and to quiet who you are, it takes away your identity.
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One of the things you talk about is past relationships, toxic relationships, perhaps difficult decisions in relationships.
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And and I wanted you to talk us through how you were still able to find so much meaning or lessons in those or how actually you don't see them as just bad decisions, but you were able to learn from them because I think that's something that we all need to do.
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Yeah, you know, I don't know I've always been such an introspective reflective person.
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I've always tried to see the good even in the bad.
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I'm always slightly more optimistic than I am pessimistic.
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And for me, I was very young when I experienced the my relationship that was emotionally abusive.
0:59
And at times I didn't see it as that in the moment and then at times I did know that certain things weren't right, but I was so far in and I didn't know how to get out of it in a sense, you know. I felt very small. I felt very quieted.
1:19
I felt belittled, but at the same time it was kind of what I knew in that relationship and it was something that part of me was like, but but he does love me and there are these elements of of kindness at moments and and it's just I I would never say that I was weak because I've never been like a weak person.
1:42
I think there were moments when I didn't know how to voice myself in the strongest loudest way because even in moments when I tried to voice myself I was shushed.
1:56
And so I was you know, I was called names.
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I was um, I was told not to have an opinion on things.
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I was um, just very much felt uh, a lesser version of myself.
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And I can say all that now looking back on it as a stronger person because of it.
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And it it's it's something that took a lot.
2:16
Me and my friends and family definitely played a part in vocalizing their thoughts and intervening in a sense.
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Um, but you know, it's interesting looking back on it and even at the time I I I always look at present situations as ones to work on in terms of what am I learning from this at the time?
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Like it's going to define how I get through this just as much as it's going to define me as to what happens in the end.
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And it's it's about the journey, which you talk about all the time.
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And for me, the lessons I learned in how I don't want to be treated, what I don't want from a partner, um, how can I become stronger?
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Also just the idea of not shaming myself for not leaving earlier.
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Um, because I think that if we if we only looked back on experiences with the shame and the regret and the fear and all that, then we don't allow ourselves to embrace any uh, learning through what we would have gone through.
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And I think it's it's in anything difficult that we go through.
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If if we just lived in the shame of embarrassment of not knowing how to act or you know, I can't believe I didn't know more about this subject.
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If if we if we let that cloud our judgment, we prevent ourselves from learning more and growing through it.
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So I tried my best to kind of keep an open mind even when it was the hardest because I knew that there would be a more positive outcome in the end.
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Um, ultimately I knew this person wasn't the person for me.
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And um, I just needed to find a way to get through it that felt right and genuine to me, and also that I could kind of leave it clean, and know that I did everything I could, and not blame myself.
4:05
So, I I'm I'm actually grateful for the experiences that I had within myself.
4:11
I'm not saying that I'm grateful for how I was treated, because I wish that there were moments I had never experienced, but I am grateful for the moments that I sat within my own head and my own heart and said, "Enough is enough."
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Because at those moments I felt like I was defining how I moved forward, and I was defining the future that I was setting for myself.
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And now I know that there are certain ways in which a person acts that I will just never tolerate, that no one should tolerate.
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And that's not just in romantic, you know, relationships, that's in work environments, that's in just everyday living, that's with friends, and it just it really did teach me so much.
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And I just I would encourage anyone that has gone through something like that, or is going through something like that, to not allow the embarrassment or shame that you may feel prevent you from knowing deep within yourself what you need to do, and to prevent you from moving forward and being able to speak about it openly.
5:12
Because I think that there is a a big fear in um in not vocalizing oneself.
5:16
So, I think that that for me has really helped me raise the volume on my voice. Wow.
5:24
I mean I mean it just you know, when when I'm hearing it, and obviously it sounds like you've done so much introspection as you said, and so much self-reflection, but tell us about how at that time that affected your self-esteem.
5:38
Because you talk a lot about that in the book, too.
5:39
It's just like, how does that affect your self-esteem, and how did you rebuild or realign with the courage to make that decision to move away from that relationship because I feel so many people and you can probably attest to the people that you've shared this with.
5:54
So many people feel stuck. Yeah.
5:56
And so many people feel that that one moment of love or affection from that person Mhm.
6:01
because it's so rare Yeah.
6:05
it kind of just over amplifies above all the mistakes.
6:09
Yeah, I mean it was it was kind of that like carrot that would be dangled and and I would be waiting for a moment of of light but the second I saw it I took it almost as all the lights were on instead of like, you know, one bulb.
6:21
It's like that moment to me was, "Oh, okay, it's still there and it's going to cause me to just forget everything else."
6:28
And I think I I put so much of my self-worth and my self-esteem in that person and in that person's attention to me.
6:38
Um I found that I was losing touch with a lot of my friends.
6:41
I mean, it also was that he discouraged a lot of that those relationships.
6:45
Um and even the relationship that I had with certain family.
6:49
It's like it was very much him and that was it.
6:53
Um and so I I did feel that so much of myself was then wrapped up in that that what did that mean if I no longer had that? Like who was I?
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How would I make decisions?
7:06
Um would I find someone else and and what was that going to look like for me?
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And that's scary especially as someone you know, when you're young and you're kind of just figuring out who you are, you're just figuring out what you want in a partner or who you are as a person.
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Like I don't think you can be the best version of a partner whether that's again, romantically, friendship, work, anything until you you know more of who you are.
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And when you're young you're figuring that out and when there's someone that then takes advantage of that, you know, that journey and that self-discovery in a way to kind of make it work for them.
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Like I just got sucked into that and it was really difficult.
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I remember um I like I've never ever had like bad skin and all of a sudden I was I was breaking out.
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I had never had panic attacks.
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I was having panic attacks.
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There was a night I remember where um there we had gotten into a disagreement on the phone and I was on the floor crying like hardly able to breathe.
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Like I'd never had those experiences before.
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My body was was showing me signs.
8:10
I it was giving up in a lot of ways.
8:12
Um and I just I listened to it and then I would kind of forget, you know, um and at the end of the day there was just kind of a light bulb moment when certain people intervened and had a conversation with me that I realized um wow, that quote of when someone shows you who they are, believe them.
8:34
I had been trying to justify, yeah, but but like but he's saying this and it's like, right, but the follow through is never the same or yeah, you got those texts or those emails, but look at what you're feeling like and that's not right. That's not real.
8:49
Um and so I I finally was able to put that into practice and kind of rise above what I thought I was capable of and it was hard.
9:01
It was definitely not easy.
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I mean, there are moments when I thought I I'm going to have to start from zero.
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I don't really know where to go because I've alienated some friends.
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Will they start talking to me again?
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You know, now I'm embarrassed because I've basically said no, everything's fine for so long, but nothing it wasn't fine, you know, and now I'm having to kind of rebuild relationships and I'm so fortunate that the people that I had stopped really talking to embraced me right back.
9:32
They saw what I was going through and and knew ultimately that I would find that within myself to kind of move through it, but I'm forever grateful to this day to them because now we can look back on it and say, "God, remember when that happened?"
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And like by no means make light of it, but to show the growth through what I had gone through, and they just they stuck by me.
9:52
And I was so I'm I'm so grateful for that.
9:55
And then I have to say another version of healing was then writing about it because I never I never really spoke about it to people that didn't know what I was going through because it didn't feel appropriate and it didn't feel like I needed to.
10:12
But when I was writing the book, I thought this is something that truly shaped so much of my young adult life um in terms of then trying to find a partner and how I felt about myself and my self-esteem um that I wanted to share it because it felt like another way to connect to people that had gone through that or were going through that at a young age because you don't see out of it when you're that young.
10:41
And also, when you have parents or people that are older than you telling you it's not good for you, you're kind of less apt to believe it, right?
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Because you're like, "You don't know.
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What are you talking about?"
10:52
And it's like, but when you're talking to someone your age or someone that's younger and you can relate to, for me at least it it made a huge difference whenever I'd have conversations with people like that.
11:03
And and so, it was a way to to try and make other people feel less alone um and and I truly just I would I then feel less alone when people share their stories with me.
11:16
Yeah, and that's why I want to thank you for sharing your story because I feel so many people are going to be helped by this.
11:21
Like listening to you speak, I'm hoping that everyone who's listening and watching right now is is reflecting on their own relationships, past or present, and just getting a chance to just the way you share it is so graceful in the sense that it really helps people just be guided through it in their own life and just like, okay, is that what I'm experiencing? Is that what I'm seeing?
11:43
Tell us about how what you experienced in toxic relationships is different from what you've been able to create today, which is a real relationship, which means it doesn't It's not that it doesn't have challenges and it's not that it doesn't have uh things that you have to work out and figure out.
12:01
But tell me what's different and and how people can try and spot the right things because I think often we either see things as toxic Yeah. or like the movies. Yeah.
12:11
And but it's like what you know, what you have and and I know what I have with my wife today is is very real. Yeah.
12:18
and it's neither of those. Right.
12:19
No, you know, it's it's interesting because we're always going to have ups and downs in whatever relationship you're in.
12:26
Again, work, um friendships, or romantic.
12:28
And for me, the ups and downs of my toxic relationship were my body was reacting.
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I was physically ill and I I had such anxiety and there was there was nothing about me that felt big.
12:46
Like I I truly felt like the smallest version of myself and I didn't even realize how small until when I got out of it, I found that so many things in my life started to just grow so much bigger.
13:01
Like my light came back, my energy came back.
13:04
Um every like different facets in my life started to grow again.
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And I think that there's just no doubt in my mind when I'm with my fiance and there are ups and downs, it's like we got this together. There's no competition.
13:23
There's no um there's just no negativity at all.
13:30
It's very much Okay, how are we going to get through this? What's going on?
13:34
Let's have a conversation. There's no shushing.
13:36
Like I was shushed so much in in my toxic relationship where it was like a physical like or like hand on mouth and I'm just like What it's it's when you're asked to be quieted and to quiet who you are.
13:52
It takes away your identity.
13:52
Like and I think I went through a bit of a thing, you know, when in my early 20s where I was like, "Okay, then what is my identity?"
14:00
Like if I've been told to be quiet so much I Is being loud a bad thing?
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And what does that mean to be the biggest version of yourself?
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And to be with someone now who is so encouraging of me being bigger.
14:15
You know, it's like no, be the biggest version of yourself.
14:17
You can be all these things. And you know what?
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We can have disagreements.
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And let's have a conversation, you know?
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And it's like if you disagree about something and you have a conversation and yet you still feel heard, that's the biggest thing.
14:31
It's like when you're talking and you can see someone's like physically listening but they're not hearing you, you know it. You know what I mean?
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Like you know the difference and you're like, "Yeah, but you're not hearing inside.
14:43
You're not understanding what I'm saying and the intention and the the deepest place that it's coming from."
14:47
And I'll say that when I was going through this toxic experience, I truly I was like, "Yeah, but he's saying that he loves me and he's telling me no one's ever going to love you the same that I love you and no one's going to be able to do this for you."
15:04
And, you know, like all the all these things that you weirdly like want to hear.
15:09
You want to hear someone saying like, "Oh, you know, I love you so much and no one's going to love you the same way and I can do this for you and I'm your biggest champion." And blah blah.
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But it's like it's being used against you. It's a tool. It's a red flag.
15:23
It's a tool to draw you in and and kind of using things against you and imprison you and feel really uh trapped.
15:31
And when you feel trapped by someone that is is supposedly your biggest champion, that's a problem, you know?
15:39
And I think to be to be told to be quiet um is a really scary thing because you know what you want to say and why you want to say it.
15:54
But when someone that you love tells you to be quiet, you listen.
15:55
I or I listened, you know?
15:58
And and it and it has created this post-traumatic stress in me at times within any relationship since that day.
16:08
And I still have moments where I deal with it and have to I have to check myself.
16:12
I just have to remember in those moments that I'm having like, okay, why is my heart starting to race?
16:20
Why am I feeling anxious?
16:20
What is this reminding me of?
16:23
What do I need to think through myself?
16:25
What is it that I'm projecting?
16:27
Like I have found so many times that if a situation arises that makes me feel anxious, I know that I'm projecting what that person would have said to me in this specific moment.
16:39
What he would have done, what he would have said, what he would have like, you know, um commented on, how he would have shushed me.
16:45
And so I need to remember that that's gone. That's done.
16:49
But I'm still dealing with moments like that.
16:51
And you know, thank God for podcasting reading and therapy and all those things cuz I think it's really important to stop in those moments and internalize and and think to myself, this has nothing to do with right now. Nothing.
17:05
There's nothing in the situation that's the same.
17:07
There's no response that's the same from the other person.
17:10
There's this conversation hasn't even happened before.
17:13
But I'm I'm still dealing with how that person treated me and and it takes a while and it's something though that I will say in those moments when you catch yourself sometimes they're embarrassing because you realize that you're falling back into what that person was doing to you but but it ultimately is a huge lesson and it's I'm so grateful to be with someone who nurtures me through those and doesn't judge me for them and says I'm here. I want to help you. Let's talk this through.
17:48
You're going to be fine and I love you.
17:50
And that is like guys, it's out there because I was like is it ever going to be out there and and there there is that hope.
17:56
Yeah and and I'm and I'm so happy that you had the courage to stand up for yourself and your voice and because otherwise we wouldn't you know we wouldn't have this beaming light wonderful individual like that gets to shine and the truth is that everyone is that.
18:14
And everyone has that opportunity and potential inside of them to be the biggest version of themselves as you were saying. Exactly.
18:20
But it's so easy to just be made small and like you said it's not just romantic relationships. It can be parenting. It can be work. It can be family.
18:29
So thank you for for living that and for sharing that and for being so open about it because I think that I know that a lot of our community is going to be listening to this today and just thinking wow Lilly, thank you for being so brave because that's where I am right now.
18:43
You know what I think it's also important because and I was inspired by a lot of my book really came from me reading people's stories on social media.
18:51
Young girls and boys around the world would message me with insecurities and things that they had gone through that they wanted to relate to me on but they assumed because I was in the position that I'm in you know in this industry that I would have no way to relate to them whereas in fact I would read their stories, see their photo next to it so it's not anonymous. It's super brave.
19:11
And all I wanted to do was reach out and go, "You have no idea.
19:17
You have no idea how much I can relate to you."
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And it was their bravery that inspired me to truly want to share my story.
19:23
And I think it's so important to just say, you know, just because I'm in the industry that I'm in and I'm in the position that I'm in and I am the way that I am, like doesn't mean that I'm immune to any of these things.
19:38
It's like we all go through these and I just wanted to share that in order to try to squash those myths that some people are infallible.
19:48
Like no one's infallible. No one. You know. one.
19:51
I mean, I I I'm so glad that you're making that point because there's also the other side.
19:56
I think there's one side of like, "Oh, that person has it all figured out or it's perfect." Mhm.
20:01
And then the other side is almost like um well, well that person has so much material stuff that this stuff doesn't affect them. Yeah.
20:09
So, it's kind of like a bit of both.
20:11
Like where you think, "Oh, well that person has has so much money, so they're not upset by these kind of comments or they're not upset by these things or this person has so much fame or whatever it may be."
20:20
And the truth is none of that's true.
20:21
Like no matter how much money you have or followers you have or we're all humans and we all experience emotions and we all can be made to feel small or tiny or insignificant by anyone in our lives. Yeah, exactly.
20:37
doesn't it doesn't affect it that way.
20:39
So, anyone who hasn't already um who would love to learn more about Lilly's journey and everything inside of it, whether it's, you know, Lilly talks about mental health, talks about eating disorders that she's gone through.
20:49
And I just really feel that if you're someone right now who's working through a lot of your self-confidence, self-esteem, then um the book's going to be a great almost support and friend for you to to guide you through that, you know.
21:04
And it's it's really in a friendly tone and and and I think we can all use a a good friend uh sometimes in that way to guide you through.
21:13
So, I I read this uh that you said this, and it's just it was really new for me.
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I'd never heard anyone say it before.
21:21
So, you said that you refer to acting as a form of meditation Yeah.
21:24
uh to sit in stillness if only for a moment.
21:27
And that was so beautiful to me because I can totally understand how acting is a meditation, but to hear you say that and your journey, tell us a bit about how your acting journey started and what your intention was and what your purpose was when you first got involved, and then how that evolved to it being that.
21:47
It's super interesting because I know you're all about meditation, and that's how we met.
21:51
Um and I I it's funny because I wasn't fully versed in meditation for a long time.
22:00
Um I've obviously heard about it, I've read about it, and I didn't know what it meant for me.
22:05
I'm someone who has 10 million things going on in my head.
22:08
My friends say it must be exhausting being me sometimes, that I didn't know how to quiet myself um in in order to kind of think, reflect, and be introspective, and all that.
22:16
So, it is an interesting thing to say that then taking on a new character helps me do that, but um I I truly believe as a storyteller, you get to take people on a journey with you to another place.
22:30
Um as a kid, my dad used to read stories to me before bed, and he would make all these different funny accents and voices, and he'd he'd act out the stories, and I remember falling asleep to these different worlds in my head that had stemmed from a book, and I just I remember thinking, I want to take people on that journey with me.
22:46
I want to be one of the facilitators in that escapism, and I loved dressing up.
22:52
I loved I loved telling stories.
22:54
I loved being different people in order to find me.
23:02
Um I find that it's very therapeutic to research a character, to find our similarities and also our differences, and see how much about myself I can learn through not only the character, but also the experience of filming it.
23:18
Um cuz sometimes for me at least, the process of filming a show or a movie is almost more important than how many people see it at the end, because I know that this character's going to teach me a lot about myself.
23:28
Uh it's going to really push me, whether it's physically push me um with the physicality of the role or the emotional side of the role.
23:35
Um and so for me, I really feel like when I have certain moments, and they're not all the time.
23:43
There are these rare moments that I cherish where at the end of a take, you can think back 30 seconds before and go, "I don't even know what I just did.
23:55
I don't know what just happened.
23:56
I could never repeat that.
23:58
That moment was this magical moment of deep stillness within me where I was completely completely present. Nothing else mattered.
24:08
The texts that I was sending before didn't flash before my eyes.
24:12
Tonight's like show of whatever is not in my brain, you know, nobody was on set around me even though there's a crew of like 50.
24:19
You know, you truly I have disappeared into that moment and something came out in me that came from this place of knowing and stillness.
24:28
And to me, I look for that in meditation.
24:31
I look for these these little gifts of magic that come from moments of being so present.
24:39
And I'm someone who as a kid, I was like the ultimate worrier.
24:44
Like I would worry that people weren't having fun.
24:47
I would worry that I wasn't doing enough or being enough being proactive enough.
24:50
And so I was so focused on either the past or the future. Am I doing enough? Did I do enough?
24:56
Not, am I doing enough now in the moment?
24:58
And so, anything that I can do to feel more present, uh I welcome.
25:04
And when you're acting, uh you have to be in that moment.
25:08
It's It's like what you do as well, though.
25:10
When you're talking to someone, when you're interviewing, when you're a human being who's having a conversation, if you're focused on what you just talked about or a question you want to talk about in 5 minutes, you could miss an entirely magical moment of wow, they're leading me down a path that I'm not even following.
25:30
I'm just jumping straight to the end, you know?
25:32
And it's It's It's the same in acting.
25:34
And And there are so many moments as an actor that you can pre-plan.
25:37
You can know what you want to do, but then if someone throws you a curveball, they either forget a line, they say a line differently, they add something, or they're just a completely different energy, it won't make any sense if you don't read what they're doing in the moment.
25:55
And so, for me, that's very much meditation.
25:58
It's being present within yourself.
26:00
And And I find that acting and and my the craft of acting allows me to be more present.
26:07
And it's weird because sometimes I'm not even present as Lily.
26:11
I'm present as the character, you know?
26:13
But at the same time, it's obviously me.
26:15
So, I I do find it a deep form of meditation in that way. Yeah. I love that.
26:19
That's beautifully described.
26:20
And And it makes so much sense.
26:22
And it's almost like all of us, when you're discovering your purpose, maybe ultimately your purpose is something that makes you feel present. Mhm. Yeah.
26:30
Like maybe that's what it is.
26:32
It's something that really makes you feel happy with just being in the moment. Yeah.
26:36
Tell us about a role that you think taught you the most about yourself offline or off screen. Oh my god.
26:40
I Honestly, one of those kind of meant to be meta moments was when I I was writing my book at the same and I had just written my chapter where I discussed my experiences with eating disorders.
26:56
And a week later I got the script for this movie To the Bone where I play a character who's suffering with eating disorders.
27:02
And it was a real like aha moment for me.
27:06
Um I had goosebumps when I when I read the script cuz I went, "Oh my god, I just decided to open up to myself about this and now to the world in this book and now I'm having this opportunity to explore playing a character where it would actually be physically me opening up on screen as this character.
27:26
Um and to me I knew that the journey of making that film with Marti Noxon the director writer who also experienced eating disorders and it's partly by a by a biographical of her life um that I would be nurtured through it in a whole new way and that it would be a healing process for me.
27:45
Even though I was past that phase of my life, I knew I had so much insight to give um as an actor to the character and and insight from experiences I had just reread in my journals and then I knew that the story that that my character was going through the shooting of that would inform my book.
28:10
And I thought, "Oh my god, this is this is like a meeting of the minds.
28:13
This is when your craft, your art and life are completely mirroring one another and I would it would be foolish not to jump on this."
28:21
A lot of people of course were concerned that that that would be a risk for me.
28:26
Yeah, uncomfortable to revisit it almost. Totally.
28:28
And I and I and I understood, I respected, I I really understood their their concern.
28:32
understood their their concern. But I I had again that deep sense of knowing that I channeled and and tapped into and at that point I was so centered within myself talking about my experiences and so um like I had admitted it to myself that everyone on set knew um I wasn't hiding anything about my
28:55
experiences, and therefore not only was I keeping myself accountable, but I had all these people that knew, all these people to keeping me accountable, and I was nurtured through it, and it was a real sense of healing in a way that I never had had before um because my my story is dissimilar to my character's in a lot of ways. And seeking professional
29:14
And seeking professional opinion for a character really helped me let go of things I thought I'd already let go of.
29:22
You know, like talking to professors at uh universities about certain bullet points of characteristics of um of of people that have gone through very specific eating disorders, I could go back and look at myself and and read things I wrote when I was 16, 17 years old and go "Oh, I thought that was unique about me. Oh, right.
29:45
Okay, I understand now that a lot of people feel that same way, and I use it as an excuse to continue suffering.
29:54
Whereas I it wasn't an excuse.
29:57
It was something that was actually if I'd only opened up about it sooner, I would have realized there were people to talk to."
30:03
You know, so it was really interesting to learn and grow through that, and then at the end of it, you know, show the movie and and at the same time then say to the to the world "I also went through this."
30:15
And that was I just let go of so much at that moment.
30:20
I started as a blank slate.
30:20
Um I could know I no longer felt that when I was taking on a role that I was carrying baggage of my own.
30:27
I could drop that at the door and only take on the baggage of my character, which by the way, it was like super heavy before.
30:34
I like could hardly walk.
30:37
Um and then all of a sudden I was like, "Oh, wow.
30:39
Like no one's judging me."
30:41
That was just all me judging me, you know.
30:42
Wow, there's so much bravery in that though because I feel like I always feel like when you step out of when you've moved away from a state that you were in and then you help others connect with that and help others move out of that, that's such a healing process.
30:59
I was wondering if you feel Do you feel that and and obviously you're so young yourself but I mean do you feel like younger actresses and talent and music Do Do you feel like they sometimes come to you and ask you for insights and advice or share or do you feel that it's so hard for people to share with people in the same space because I just feel like what you're sharing could be so helpful.
31:18
I hear about so many younger you know young stars who struggle with eating disorders or mental health and I always feel like well, if there was almost just a community of everyone who talked about just all because everyone's dealing with and it's not the same way or it's not the same feeling but they're dealing with similar challenges at similar stages in life.
31:39
You know, it was interesting um I had and I speak about it in the in the book but there was um this young woman who I was speaking to one day and she was talking about a specific actress who she really wanted to be like but had read an interview where they stated, you know, I never work out.
31:57
I eat what I want to eat and all this stuff and and and she said, you know, I just will never look like that and I know they don't need to do anything and I feel like I'm just like born differently and I went, okay, you read an interview where I can tell you firsthand that was a lie.
32:15
I know that that's not true.
32:15
It's It's an image that they're putting out there um out of not feeling comfortable.
32:22
They're not going to They're not at the point yet to share what they've experienced but I can tell you that's not true of everyone.
32:26
That's That is a a facade um and you are not differently born, you you we're not from a different planet cuz she said, you know, I just feel like actresses in general are like from another planet.
32:39
Like I'm never going to look like you.
32:40
I'm never going to be And I'm like, "Whoa!
32:41
Like, that trajectory is so scary and so far from the truth."
32:46
And when I then wrote about my experiences and I and I put it out there, I did actually have quite a few emails from people within the industry saying, you know, and again, it was very much I think they knew that I would keep it private um and just said, "I just wanted to share with you.
33:05
Thank you so much for for for writing this.
33:08
Also, thank you for making something like To the Bone, because that was me.
33:12
Um and I don't feel like we talk about it enough, and I'm not at the place yet to talk about it.
33:17
I hope I will one day, but like, thank you for saying that this is something that's that's A, that's real, and B, that it's not shameful, because I'm still feeling that shame, and I know that one day I won't, but like, maybe I can talk to you."
33:35
And I was like, "Of course you can.
33:37
I'm I'm seriously like an open book, and I welcome any of that.
33:41
Um I was a teen therapist when I was in high school, so I'm like, I'm all about that. I love that, you know?" Um but it's true.
33:47
I feel like there's it we all have different experiences within um mental health, um but we all feel the same feelings.
33:57
They just may come from different situations and experiences.
34:05
No one or the other is better, worse, more important, less important.
34:08
It's all relative, and the important thing is just that the core emotions and where they come from can be related to.
34:14
And it doesn't matter who you are, what you do, what industry you're in.
34:19
Um and I and I just I feel like it's important for more young people within the public eye that have a platform to at least just not actively put out a false image because that just continues that domino effect. Mhm. Yeah, I know.
34:38
And And I think the strongest part of what you said there, which I feel is like it's all relative.
34:42
I feel like so many people are struggling, then they compare their They compare their challenge or their issue or their pain to someone else's, and then you feel like, "Oh, well, I should feel better because mine's not as bad as theirs." Yeah.
34:54
Or I They shouldn't be allowed to share their pain because mine's much worse.
34:58
And I think that comparison Oh, comparison can be the worst.
35:00
And I still find myself sometimes comparing myself, even though I talk about not doing that. It's a human quality.
35:06
It's like it's natural to all of a sudden jump to "Oh, well, I shouldn't because it's not as bad."
35:12
Or you know, "Who am I to say this?"
35:15
Or And you you have to remind yourself the fact that you're feeling these things is proof that you're feeling these things and you need to talk about it.
35:23
And And you just you cannot compare yourself to other people, even though that's like the first reaction you want to have because it is all relative.
35:28
And we all We all are going through the same things, especially at a time like right now.
35:34
It's like comparison can be the death.
35:36
Like you just you cannot it you'll fall into a trap that that makes things so much worse, I think.
35:40
So, Lily, I wanted to talk about Emily in Paris because me and Roddy, ever since we saw the trailer, we've been like waiting for today to watch it because I saw the trailer and I was just like, "Oh, this looks like so much fun."
35:53
And you know, I think all of us have been seeking uh not just travel, but like fun and experiences right now because I think a lot of our experiences have been limited.
36:05
And I want you to tell us what drew you towards this role of Emily.
36:08
Oh, God, you know, I This was in no way something that came to me and said, "This is yours." This was a fight.
36:16
This was uh I had to really go after it, and I knew that I loved it the second I read it.
36:23
Um you know, a Darren Star project featuring this young woman who is bright, bold, a little bit obvious, and just optimistic.
36:29
I'm like, "Okay, definitely want that in my life."
36:31
And um this idea that she was in Paris.
36:33
I mean, it was an American in Paris, two cultures that are very close to me, you know, European and American.
36:40
Um I grew up going to Switzerland a lot um and to France a lot with my dad and my little brothers.
36:46
And so, for me, right away, this character drew me in.
36:49
She had all these attributes that that I think sometimes get a negative rap, like loving to work and admittedly, you know, really passionate about one's work, a romantic, optimistic, like I said, bold, bright, a little bit obvious, and um has this can-do attitude.
37:10
And I think there is that fine line between that being a little annoying and endearing and genuine.
37:17
And I think that Emily is just so unapologetically herself.
37:22
And that to me was the kind of character I want to play. I love rom-coms. I love them so much.
37:26
I love I mean, what's not to love?
37:30
Especially right now when, you know, just laughing and smiling is like I crave that.
37:34
Um but to play a character within that kind of rom-com world that is just so unapologetically herself and has a depth and has that ability to ask for help.
37:46
You know, like it goes back to everything we were saying that asking for help is not a weakness, it's a strength.
37:51
It's like knowing when you need a team and know who you know, who has different skill sets than you.
37:55
And also knowing when you're good at something and being like, "No, I'm good at that."
37:59
And not being ashamed to say, "I'm good at that and this is my job and I'm here for a reason."
38:03
It's It's that boldness of voice that I loved about her um and the brightness about her because I thought, "Wow, I think playing Emily is going to help me a lot.
38:12
It's going to make me be super resourceful.
38:14
It's going to make me be slightly even more optimistic than I already am."
38:19
And it's, you know, she has to pivot so much within her experience. She's judged a lot.
38:25
She is thrown curveballs.
38:25
And and I let me little did I know that we would then be having it come out during a time where everyone in the world has had to pivot daily.
38:34
Like, how do you stay creative when all your distractions are taken away?
38:38
Self-identity, who am I when these things are stripped away?
38:40
A metaphorical mirror is placed in front of you all the time. You're judging yourself.
38:45
You're having to think about all the things that you don't necessarily love about the way you handle things and how can I do things better?
38:53
And that's what Emily was going through.
38:56
And she almost like gave me these tools a year before I knew that I was going to need them, which I'm so grateful for. But it it's just fun.
39:04
And I'm I think I'm just so honored to be a part of something right now that can make someone laugh or smile.
39:10
Like, at the end of the day, that is the gift of why I want to do what I do. Yeah.
39:15
And I and I definitely I'm excited to to feel that way.
39:19
I literally the tiny trailer gave it anyway.
39:21
Like, it was just there's such a beautiful energy about it.
39:23
But you've also said it's like it's a story of self-love. Totally.
39:27
Tell tell us a bit about that.
39:29
Elaborate on that of like how what you just shared with us is actually a journey of self-love through this character.
39:35
Well, so Emily is in the city of love, right?
39:37
So everyone, you know, I've been asked the question of, you know, so it's so much about romance and and Emily finds all these different people and she goes and has these experiences.
39:46
And I go, well, you could look at it that way.
39:47
But the way that I see it is you learn so much about yourself and what you like and what you don't like through your experiences with other people.
39:56
So, for me, I take from it that she is going on this experience and this journey of loving who she is and being unapologetic about who she is, that she's strong enough to say, "No, thank you.
40:08
That's not the one for me."
40:10
Or, "Oh, I like that quality, but he's not willing to give as much as I am." Or, "That was wrong. Goodbye." You know?
40:18
And so, I think it takes a real strong sense of self and love to be able to have those experiences, see them for what they are, and move on.
40:24
And Emily and you know, it's not a spoiler, it's from the trailer, she and her boyfriend break up right when she goes to Paris because he is not willing to meet her halfway.
40:33
And she finds that it's actually a relationship that she was way more into giving than he was.
40:40
And she realizes that the upcoming journey for her, she has no idea what it's going to be like, but she knows that that experience is far more necessary within her life than someone who's not willing to treat her the way that she deserves to be treated.
40:50
And that to me set the tone of, okay, this is an adventure and story about self-love.
40:56
This is a girl going to a foreign city with a job that she wasn't expecting, and she's going to have to thrive, and she's not going to give up.
41:05
And you have to find ways to love yourself while being judged. She's judged every day.
41:09
If she took all of that and it and and took it to heart in a way that made her upset and and deterred her from continuing, she would have gone home. Yeah. But she doesn't.
41:18
She stays and, you know, she meets all these people along the way, and I think that she starts to embrace herself more through the work that she does there.
41:24
I feel like that sounds like how I felt when I first moved to New York.
41:28
Oh my god, I can't even imagine. 4 years ago.
41:31
I can relate to so much of that.
41:33
Like, I feel like me and my wife had just got married, and 6 months later we moved to New York for an unexpected job that I was had no plans for.
41:39
And it was it was yeah, it was it was it's I it's almost like I can relate to so many parts of it already, which which is exciting.
41:47
But tell tell tell me Have you and your fiance been to Paris together yet? Yeah, so Okay.
41:51
he actually came out so many times during filming, which makes this a even more special because almost all the scenes that I reference in terms of like my favorite scenes or just my favorite memories, I'm like, oh, he was right behind the camera.
42:05
Or, in between takes we had the Paris Opera House, we had that, you know, all night to shoot in, and he was there, and so there we are like running down the hallways, like, you know, he kissed me in that hallway, and I'm looking at the mural, and we're taking photos, and I'm like, wait, this is that was real life, you know?
42:23
And so, it's very much a city that I associate with him and I, and just how wonderful to be able to have a work experience and a job mean so much because of a personal experience, and to be able to share that with him, and I think it only aided me working, you know, to be surrounded by that love.
42:42
Of course, then my character's going to feel that love within herself.
42:46
And it really helped hold me up cuz it was the hardest I've ever worked um being in like every scene of that show, talking 24/7, and my character talks a lot, and she has these like long monologues where she just goes at it.
43:01
And so, to have that like support system was was so necessary. No, I love that.
43:06
I'm so glad that's what You were there for 4 months, you were saying. I was, yeah. You're filming.
43:10
Tell us about what I mean, that was obviously all pre-COVID, and it was last year, and it was Tell us about what that experience was like being in a different city for 4 months, you know? god, it was so fun.
43:21
I'd been to Paris many times before, but usually only for a few days, whether it's for a job or press or something like that.
43:27
So, to be a local of sorts um with an apartment, and you know, I miss so much the beauty of wandering and getting lost.
43:35
Um everything now is so intention-based, whether it's, you know, I'm going here for this amount of time. I can't wander.
43:44
I'm going to pick this up.
43:44
I'm going to go back home. I'm going to be safe.
43:46
I'm And I I'm so on board with that, of course, but I miss the ability of losing track of time because you're just um experiencing life and being spontaneous.
43:57
Like, I miss that, and Paris is such a beautiful city to do that.
43:59
You're wandering down like cobblestone side streets, and you're like, I'm going to grab a coffee here.
44:03
I'm going to go into this bookshop.
44:04
Oh my god, it's been 6 hours, you know?
44:05
and you're just wandering and and the city is is so aesthetically gorgeous and has such a rich history that you can't help but fall in love with the city every single time you go.
44:15
That being said, I had many experiences that were very similar to Emily in that like I lost hot water in my apartment for 2 weeks, no heating when it was starting to get cold.
44:26
the directors playing tricks? I literally said that.
44:28
I was like, guys, um I already have enough empathy for that for Emily.
44:31
Um I don't need to feel more.
44:33
Uh and so I ended up like showering at the studio or like, you know, it was just it was pretty funny.
44:39
But um Paris is a character.
44:40
It's a character in and of itself and I feel like that translates aesthetically into the into the show, but also when you go there you just know you know that you never know what you're going to get. And I kind of love that. Yeah.
44:55
Well, everyone who's listening or watching right now, you have to go and watch the show. It's out right now.
44:57
And uh we all need to laugh right now. Like we genuinely do.
45:02
We need to laugh, we need to smile, we need to feel like we're having new experiences and uh you know, I just I'm I'm I'm genuinely so excited to see it because I feel like me and my wife have been like crying out for a new rom-com for a while.
45:16
It's like those rom-coms that you wish they still made from the '90s or the early 2000s.
45:19
I'm so glad you just said that. you kidding me?
45:21
I'm like, why is no one financing these movies anymore because we need them now. Literally.
45:26
Uh so we get 10 episodes of that.
45:26
I'm hoping for a season 2. I love it.
45:28
Well, no, we're hoping too and I can't wait to watch it.
45:33
I want to end you know, we end every On Purpose interview with the final five, which is the final five rapid-fire round or the fast five.
45:38
Uh so you have to answer every question in one word or one sentence. Yeah, I know. This is always so hard. Yes.
45:45
Okay, so your first one is Ooh, I've got such a nice choice and selection for today.
45:52
So I'm going to go Let's let's start with um How would you define your purpose right now?
45:59
Um my purpose right now Um Um stay present. Mhm, I love that. That's beautiful.
46:13
Because there's so many things right now that could take me off the ground into another place and and just lose myself and what's most important right now is is being present and not allowing any of the outside talk to take me away from what's most important.
46:33
You know, I'm I'm so excited about everything that's going on professionally, but I also just got engaged and that to me is like the most exciting craziest thing and to me I'm like that's my that's my focus.
46:51
Like that's a huge part of my life that I just always wanted but didn't know when it would happen and that to me is like stay present, stay present, stay present. I love that. That's so beautiful.
47:02
I I I remember back to um when me and my wife were getting married. Yeah.
47:06
And Indian weddings last for like 7 days.
47:09
So like you're getting married every day.
47:11
And and it was just I look back and I'm like I'm really glad it lasted for 7 days because it went so fast. imagine, yeah.
47:18
And it was without it it was the most special time ever. Mhm.
47:22
And it's really funny because in the run up to the wedding, especially having lived as a monk, like weddings weren't really like top of mind for me.
47:29
So even when I was getting married about to get married, I was so like yeah, it's wedding but we're going to spend the rest of our lives together and we love each other.
47:34
And when I was actually getting married I was like this is amazing.
47:36
Like you know, it was just I I wanted to be present with it.
47:38
Like just recognizing how special it was. Yeah.
47:42
And and is, but yeah, no, I love that.
47:42
I think that's you're giving yourself the best advice.
47:46
All right, question number two. What's a two?
47:48
What's a non-negotiable in life for you?
47:50
Like what is something that you don't negotiate with on a daily basis?
47:53
Um, don't uh I don't want to feel small. Mhm.
48:00
Don't don't um try to quiet my voice cuz I've I've been there, I've done that.
48:06
It's taken so long for me to um build it up and to make it loud and to own it that I I I just a non-negotiable is is is making me feel quieted. Perfect. I love that. That's beautiful.
48:20
Question number three, what's the biggest lesson you've learned in the last 12 months?
48:23
It's okay to show someone that you're not perfect. Mhm.
48:27
It doesn't mean that they're going to leave. Wow.
48:32
You know, it's like you've got to be all versions of yourself um because at the end of the day that's life and the right person will love all those sides uh and in quarantine you definitely experience all sides and um you can't be perfect all the time. I love that.
48:50
Uh question number four, what's something that you've been certain of in life that you think other people might disagreed with you on?
48:58
What's something that you're sure about that Um other people may debate or may not agree.
49:03
Uh oh, that's really good.
49:07
Um I Okay, I'm going to I've got an answer, but it's actually Okay, I'll I'll just say it. I'll just say it. Just say it.
49:15
Um when I was 16 I was pitching talk show ideas of um being a 16-year-old vocalizing myself on current topics, uh emotional topics, and bridging the gap between my generation and my mom's.
49:27
I was turned down at every single place that I went.
49:29
I was told that no one wanted that perspective and why would anyone want to watch a kid uh talk about those types of things?
49:38
Cut to now where the youth has an incredibly huge voice, means everything in terms of the future, and um I just knew it was something that I felt so strongly about that I continue to vocalize now in encouraging whether it's voting or vocalizing oneself in mental health issues or current topics in general.
49:57
Um, young people need to feel like their voice is heard and I was like I really was told no so many times but I just knew so deeply that it was something that needed to be done and to be said. Love it. Great answer.
50:10
And fifth and final question.
50:14
Uh if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Oh my god. Um, one law? Oh boy.
50:27
Um God, your questions are hard. They're so hard.
50:33
you should have been prepared.
50:33
I mean, you like you listen. So I know.
50:36
Um, one law that everyone should follow is um Don't lie.
50:47
They're going to get It's going to catch up. That's true. Yeah, don't lie. It's not worth it.
50:53
Thank you so much for watching that video.
50:55
If you enjoyed it, here's another one I think you'll love.
50:57
We all have a place of knowing inside of us and we sometimes it's almost like we get lost and we can't find it because we're so concerned about how people are going to feel about the way we feel.