0:00
You cannot manifest things that are totally out of your control.
Search this video
0:01
Manifesting is about becoming so empowered and so full of self-belief that you make things happen.
0:08
And in that, it means that you can't manifest things that have absolutely nothing to do with you.
0:12
This isn't a game of luck.
0:14
The best-selling author and host The number one health and wellness podcast On Purpose with Jay Shetty Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world.
0:26
Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to become happier, healthier, and more healed.
0:32
Now, I love sitting down with a guest that I've been chopping up with on messages and getting to know and following for some time.
0:39
And today's guest is someone that I've had a few interactions with offline and I'm being honest with you, one of the sweetest, warmest, kindest people that I've connected with.
0:48
And when I first came across her book and her work, I was so happy to see someone take this very big word, take this very known theme that we've kind of repeated over the years, but then make it their own and really help us more deeply understand it, unpack it, and live it.
1:07
And I think that's the part that I'm most intrigued by is that I think this word's been thrown around for a long time and it's kind of been a bit ethereal and not as tangible.
1:14
And today's guest is someone who I think is going to make it super easy, super practical, and super applicable for everyone who's listening and watching, wherever you are in the world.
1:23
I'm talking about Roxie Nafousi, the author of Manifest: 7 Steps to Living Your Best Life.
1:29
If you don't already have this book, make sure you go and order a copy right now.
1:32
We have the link in the caption, in all the details.
1:35
Make sure you go and grab a copy.
1:36
But Roxie, I'm so excited to have you here today.
1:39
I've genuinely loved, whether it's been us emailing, DMing, whatever it's been, and it's so great to have you here finally. So, thanks for coming. I am so excited.
1:49
I've been so smiling throughout that whole introduction and honestly, I feel like I'm pinching myself.
1:53
So, I have to tell you, at the beginning of this year, on New Year's Eve, I always do a vision board, and I dream as big as possible, and it was before the book had even been released, and right in the middle I wrote Jay Shetty. Really big.
2:04
I was like, I have to connect with him.
2:09
Obviously, I wanted to come on the podcast.
2:12
Um and it was like a huge dream for me.
2:14
So, thank you so much for having me on. No, of course.
2:16
And you have to say I want to see that.
2:17
You're going to send that to me after. I'll send you a picture.
2:20
Yeah, I love I love seeing people's vision boards.
2:21
I think it's such an important activity to manifest. Yeah.
2:25
And I've I've done that in so many ways.
2:27
When when I first moved to LA as well, for me that was my kind of approach where I was like, I need to know I I want to connect with people I think I genuinely connect with.
2:35
And I think that's been a big part of my manifestation is that it's always come from a really good intention.
2:41
It's come from a genuine place of I don't want something from someone.
2:44
I I want to connect with them.
2:47
And I think we'll we'll dive into that and we'll get into it, but it's so awesome cuz I know you were on the Today show in New York. You know, in LA.
2:54
It's it seems like you're taking the book international, which is which is amazing, but I've loved seeing how you've been, you know, I've seen the manifest events that you're doing out in London as well and and across the UK.
3:04
Like, talk to me about I want to know more about you and your journey.
3:08
When did you first start your spiritual self-discovery, your personal journey? Where did that begin?
3:17
So, to kind of give you some background, before cuz I started when I was about 27 just about to turn 28.
3:23
So, I think it was probably my Saturn returns as well.
3:29
But, up until then, I was the opposite of spiritual.
3:32
I had been in an addiction to cocaine, alcohol, and cigarettes for almost 10 years.
3:38
And I was obviously suffering from depression, and it's one of those things, was the drugs causing the depression or the depression fueling the drugs, but it was obviously a combination of both.
3:49
Um but even prior to that, I had always been someone who was extremely negative.
3:54
I had more self-loathing than I could ever describe. I truly hated who I was.
4:01
Um, from my earliest years, you know, when I was growing up, I was an Iraqi growing up in Oxford. My name's Rowan. The Iraqi war broke out.
4:13
Um, and you know, there was this kind of media attack on Muslims and I grew up in a very devout Muslim family and I was treated pretty horrifically at school and I started to really reject where I was coming from.
4:32
And when you reject where you're coming from, you are just rejecting yourself and who you are and I think that was stemming all this self-loathing.
4:40
And so when I was 12, I decided to move schools um, after this incident where I'd been locked in a phone box basically, been called Saddam.
4:50
It was really I'd actually blocked out the memory for ages and I decided to change my name from Rowan to Roxy.
4:57
And then I that kind of continued this journey of escaping from myself and who and who I was and it took me until this kind of major rock bottom in um, May 2018 when I'd been on a yoga teacher training course and I really thought this is going to change my life.
5:16
I am going to, you know, do 200 hours of yoga and meditating.
5:21
I've got no access to these drugs and you know, all the cigarettes and everything that I was using to escape.
5:28
Um, and I felt that that was going to be it.
5:31
And I remember there was a monk there and he read my palm and he said, "You've got this fork on your palm and you're here to help lead um, with your wisdom."
5:41
And I was like, "Okay, great.
5:41
I'm going to go home and be a yoga teacher and at the beginning of my classes, I will try and inspire people.
5:49
And that was kind of my goal then.
5:53
But I got back to London, and 24 hours later, a friend called me, and she was like, "Do you want to come to this party?" And I was like, "Yeah."
6:01
And within an hour of being with her, I was back taking drugs.
6:08
And I went on a 48-hour bender, basically didn't go to bed, did some things I really regret, and I woke up feeling totally at rock bottom.
6:20
Like, the shame, the regret, and I felt like I was unchangeable.
6:23
I thought, "This is just who I am."
6:24
And I called my friend Sophia, and she is She is quite She is very spiritual, and I would say she's quite woo.
6:32
Like, she's quite out there.
6:34
And she said, "Oh, you should listen to this podcast on manifesting."
6:38
And I thought, "Oh, okay, well, this is going to be something that's really woo and out there, but I'll give it a listen, because at this point, I'll try anything."
6:46
And I listened to this podcast, and I realized that manifesting was all about self-worth.
6:51
And something in me just clicked.
6:51
Do you know, I think we all have those moments where we hear one thing, and it kind of just changes everything.
6:58
And hearing about manifesting was that catalyst for my change.
7:04
And from then, I started immersing myself.
7:08
I I would say it's like I brainwashed myself with self-development in the best way.
7:12
I was listening to podcasts, reading books.
7:14
Like, I love YouTube for motivational videos.
7:16
Um, and I was doing everything I could to try and understand how to change my my mindset, how to rewire my brain, the way that I was thinking, the way I felt about myself.
7:28
But all of it really was manifestation.
7:33
So, for me, manifesting is the umbrella, and all of self-development and healing falls underneath it.
7:38
Wow, I love that definition.
7:40
And thank you for telling us about your story a bit too.
7:42
Like how did you how did you first get introduced to like cocaine and drugs and and all of that world because I totally understand what you're saying that you were going through this bullying is an understatement because it it's it was a lot worse and it and it can be a lot worse.
7:57
But you're going through this kind of tension, stress, pressure that's coming from the outside because of where you're from and where your family's from and things like that.
8:06
But then how did it go so far to that extreme?
8:08
Where did you get introduced to these things and how did they become normality?
8:11
When I was at school, I remember trying it was called a WKD.
8:14
It was like these like blue alcopops.
8:21
And I remember trying it for the first time and thinking gosh like something about this feels quite good.
8:25
And I slowly slowly started drinking every now and then.
8:31
It was not common like my mom obviously never like knew that I was drinking, you know, she would be so upset if she did and but I was doing it kind of like casually.
8:40
And then when I left school and I went to university, I was 18 and actually I've just remembered the first time.
8:49
Yeah, I went to an after party and I remember taking cocaine for the first time and just thinking it was great and I just loved it and as someone who had absolutely no confidence, what this drug was giving me was this false confidence.
9:06
And so the use started to become more regular.
9:09
But it I actually formed the addiction, I would say really quite rapidly because by the age of 22, I was in my first NA meeting.
9:17
I knew that something was not right that I was doing it to excess.
9:19
I would, you know, when I'd be getting ready to go on a night out, it'd be 4:00 p. m.
9:24
in the afternoon and I'd be on my own taking having a line because it would give me this false confidence as I was getting ready.
9:33
But I obviously then didn't give up until I was 28.
9:35
So there was this long period of time where I knew I had an addiction, but trying to get out of it was so so hard.
9:42
And the shame that comes when you're constantly trying to remove yourself from something is you know, it is I did feel it was very traumatic time.
9:53
Even now if I see people on TV doing drugs or if I've been out and I see people coming home from an after party, I have a physical response to it. I feel so anxious.
10:03
Um so yeah, it's it was a time. Yeah, wow.
10:08
Yeah, I mean that that isn't trauma that just disappears and and just leaves you.
10:13
And what you said earlier, it can be so hard when manifesting and self-worth are so correlated Yeah.
10:20
to manifest from that kind of a place can be really difficult because I'm guessing when you're saying, "Jay, I don't feel confident and that's why I do this because it makes me feel confident."
10:30
It means you're coming from a place of I don't have self-worth.
10:32
But then to manifest, I have to believe that there's more for me to deserve and more for me to earn and more for me to create.
10:40
And so let's let's dive into that and keep kind of coming back to where you were, too, because how did you learn to manifest for yourself from a place of a lack of confidence and a lack of self-worth?
10:54
Well, firstly, now in reflection, I was manifesting but the wrong direction. Right.
11:00
So, I was actually attracting, I think, a lot of negativity to me.
11:02
And I was constantly thinking you know, I wasn't making any money. Like, I had no career.
11:10
I was trying, but at the last moment they'd pull out or they wouldn't want to work with me.
11:14
And I was for sure manifesting that because I was kept saying to myself, "I know it's not going to work.
11:19
I know this person's going to cancel."
11:21
I spent so much time on my own. I was so lonely.
11:24
Like, I truly know the meaning of loneliness at its like deepest level.
11:31
Um but when I decided, you know, and I discovered manifesting and like you say, I I realized that it was so closely linked to self-worth.
11:38
Um how I started was to start my healing journey.
11:44
And I the first kind of technique I used was to fall asleep to affirmation playlists because I realized that your subconscious was susceptible as you're falling asleep.
11:53
Um but there was but then that was an ongoing journey.
11:56
And by the way, I'm still on it. Yeah, of course.
11:59
still on that self-worth journey.
11:59
You know, we spoke before, you know, there are still things that are definitely kind of my blocks, but I don't know if you had this and because I I said before I wish I was interviewing.
12:12
You're not allowed to interview me today.
12:14
We will save that for another time.
12:17
Today is about you and your book, so When I first um heard about kind of self-development and I would listen to speakers and people would say, "Oh, it's a lifelong journey of healing."
12:27
I was like, "What do you mean it's a lifelong journey? That sounds hideous. What's the point?"
12:30
I was in this like self-development honeymoon.
12:34
So at the beginning, you know, when you find healing and I'd been in this real dark place and then I start to see changes.
12:40
I start to see the light.
12:42
I thought, "Well, this is it. I'm healed.
12:45
I'm never going to feel bad again. Like this is great."
12:50
And it's exactly like being in a relationship when you start and you're like, "I'm never going to argue with this person.
12:54
We're going to be together forever."
12:56
And then, you know, time goes on and you realize that's not the case.
13:02
And now what I realize is that yes, it is a lifelong journey, but with every single kind of layer you peel off, you open up this huge potential for growth and abundance and opportunity and you're constantly up-leveling.
13:17
So even when you take a step back, you're still never going back as far as you went.
13:21
And that for me is really reassuring and I hope for anyone listening who's also thinking, "What do you mean this is an ongoing journey?"
13:29
It It's ongoing but in the best possible way.
13:31
Yeah, I I think it's interesting when you say that because I think I believe that everything's a lifelong journey.
13:39
There's literally nothing that you could actually say has a beginning and an end because even when you look at something that you don't think grows anymore, it is growing.
13:48
It's just growing slowly or it's growing differently or it's growing uniquely.
13:54
But everything's either growing or dying at any given time.
13:55
And I think people forget that.
13:58
And I like the point you made that you can manifest negatively.
14:00
And you can actually manifest the other way.
14:03
Can you give us an example of how we do that?
14:06
Like how do we almost manifest things not working out?
14:09
So, I think like really simple examples are if you wake up on the wrong side of the bed.
14:16
You wake up in a really bad mood and then you miss your train and you know, your meeting gets canceled and you stub your toe or whatever it is.
14:28
We've all had those experiences and those days where we kind of just operating at this low vibe.
14:31
We're in a bad mood and then that's what's happening.
14:37
But there's also I think a deeper level where we you know, so much is self-fulfilling prophecies.
14:40
So, if we are constantly operating from this belief system that we aren't worthy, that we aren't enough, that we can't you know, receive abundance, then we're going to change the way that we interpret and the meaning we attach to everything we experience.
14:56
So, we might have a conversation with someone which is a in in perspective, someone else's perspective is just a like really normal conversation.
15:07
But to that person who's got that low self-worth and and believes everybody's against them, they might take that conversation totally the wrong way and then sabotage the relationship and then go see, "I told you.
15:17
I told you nobody's here for me or I told you I can, you know, whatever it is.
15:21
And so, I think in that sense we are absolutely manifesting negativity into our lives because of how we're perceiving the world through that lens of low self-worth or low self-esteem.
15:33
Yeah, I know, that's such a great answer and I'm I'm so glad you raised that point because I think people think they're like, "Okay, well, should I start manifesting? Should I not? Does it work? Does it not?"
15:43
And the point is you're already doing it in in one way or another.
15:44
And I think a lot of people struggle with the idea of manifesting for people who are kind of more skeptical or cynical and things like that and and, you know, you you said you came from a non kind of spiritual background, too, to some degree sounds or not open to these ideas.
16:00
And and that's the same with me.
16:02
If someone told me about manifesting years ago, I would have just been like, "That's weird. Like that doesn't work. It's just hard work.
16:10
It's just you got to put in the time."
16:12
And now I realize I was subconsciously manifesting so many incredible things in my life not knowing the term, not knowing the process.
16:19
And then I was like, "Well, actually, if you know the process, you can use it better." Yes. Right?
16:25
Like I think that's something that we don't understand.
16:26
It's almost like if everyone is listening or watching, if you think about something you do, actually, ask your friends this.
16:33
Ask your friends, "What do I do well?" Mhm.
16:35
And whatever answer they give you, there might be some things in that that surprise you.
16:39
Like your friends might say, "Oh, you're actually a really good communicator."
16:41
And you're like thinking, "Well, I never even knew that."
16:43
Or your friends like, "Oh, you're really great at mediating between us when we're arguing."
16:48
And you didn't know that.
16:50
Often when you don't know you have a skill, you actually don't know how to use it well.
16:53
And that's why I find with manifesting, whether you're using manifestation to create negativity in your life or positivity, knowing how it works makes sense.
17:01
So, how did you start to piece together your you know, principles of manifestation?
17:08
How did you start to gather and say, "This is an important part of the process?"
17:11
I think, by the way, I'll I'll start by saying that I think this conversation is so important.
17:16
These conversations and this one especially, you know, I'm so fortunate to have this platform to talk about this.
17:22
And the reason it's so important to me is that because manifesting has become such a trend, I think it devalues it so much. Yeah.
17:31
And I'm so passionate about manifesting that I I get almost a bit upset.
17:35
I'm like, "No, it's so incredible.
17:38
It's such a full and fulfilling and meaningful practice.
17:40
And within it there is science and philosophy and wisdom."
17:45
And I think it can get a bad rap, you know, from these like 30-second TikTok videos which maybe just are are giving so many misconceptions around it.
17:57
But it really is like it isn't woo, it isn't mystical.
18:00
And actually my book in particular is for the skeptics.
18:02
So like anyone who's a skeptic, I challenge them to pick up the book and not feel better about their lives afterwards.
18:11
But how I came up with the seven steps is honestly a terrible story. I love it. That's great. That's awesome.
18:18
I um so when I had Wolf, I kind of really was like I'm going to who's my son, I thought I'm going to make this career for myself in being of service to others others.
18:28
I realized that that was my purpose.
18:29
It's what I'm here to do.
18:32
Um and so the first I did a workshop.
18:32
I used to watch like Brené Brown and I just love her and I and I saw her um called courage on Netflix.
18:38
I was like, "I want to do that. I want to be on stage.
18:41
I want to inspire people."
18:43
So I thought I'm just going to host my first workshop.
18:46
And it was self-love workshop and 100 people came. I couldn't believe it. Wow, that's amazing.
18:50
Where did they come from?
18:51
I had a really small community on Instagram.
18:54
It was like I think like 20,000 followers.
18:55
So it was good but it was small.
18:57
And I was really connected to them because I'm very open and vulnerable and they've kind of been on the journey with me.
19:04
And so I said like I'm going to do this.
19:06
Anyway, you know, I can't imagine you know what your first one was like but I remember just my legs like jelly before I stepped on stage.
19:14
But the moment I got on that stage, I was like, this is what I'm here to do.
19:18
Um so I did that workshop, it went well, and so I was like, okay, I'm going to do another one.
19:21
And so I said to my audience, I said, "Guys, I've been following manifestation, I've been learning about it.
19:26
Do you think I should do this?" And this was Jan 2020.
19:30
And they were like, "Yeah."
19:32
So I was like, now I have to do a workshop on manifestation.
19:33
How am I going to explain this practice? There is so much to it.
19:41
So I just thought, right, I'm going to put it in a step-by-step process.
19:45
So I went on a walk, and I got out the notes on my phone, and within 5 minutes, I had my seven steps to manifesting.
19:50
And I think it came so instinctively to me, but I made this claim that I said, "Everything you need to know about manifestation is in these seven steps."
20:02
And then I panicked because I was like, this is a big claim, and what if people realize that things are not in these seven steps?
20:10
And when I would listen to people talk, I was like, on the edge of my seat, thinking, I hope there's not something that's not in my seven steps.
20:17
But I actually found that everything slotted in to one of these steps. Yeah.
20:21
Um and 100 people came to that workshop in Jan 2020, and then in the pandemic hit, I took them online.
20:30
700 people were then on a webinar in Jan 2021, and by Jan 2022, it was a Sunday Times bestseller.
20:36
So it was a really exciting journey, and I still stand by these seven steps. I live and breathe them.
20:44
They are so practical, accessible, and easy for anyone to follow.
20:48
Yeah, no, the reason I asked that was actually because when I looked through the seven steps, I really appreciated that you got into things like uh my favorite ones, and and I want to talk about a few of these, but my favorite ones were step three, align your behavior.
21:01
Uh step six is probably without a doubt, favorite one out of all the seven, which is turn envy into inspiration.
21:08
And even just the fact that you were considering envy when you talk about manifestation, I found that really interesting.
21:15
I was like, "Oh, yeah, I've never heard someone talk about manifestation and go there."
21:19
And also, you know, you obviously talk about overcoming tests from the universe, but it wasn't this It wasn't just about the universe.
21:27
There were just so many other elements to it.
21:28
So, let's dive into a few of these because I think I want to give people a sense of some of these steps.
21:34
And and and we'll we'll dream and talk about it, too, but before we do that, let's talk about some of the misconceptions you mentioned.
21:40
So, what are some of the big misconceptions that you are breaking and debunking the myths of manifesting in this book?
21:49
Like, what would you say are your ones that stand out to you?
21:53
So, the first one is definitely that manifesting is visualization, that you can visualize your way to success, or if you just think really hard about something, or you have a positive mindset, it'll come to you.
22:04
Um it's just simply not the case.
22:06
There's no substitute for hard work, and you can think as hard as you want about something, it doesn't mean it's going to appear in your hands, because this isn't magic. Okay?
22:14
I always say it feels magical.
22:17
Like, I feel like this moment for me is magical.
22:20
Like, this is incredible, but it isn't.
22:22
I made it happen, you know?
22:25
I did manifest it through act taking action and following the rest of the steps.
22:29
The other misconception, I think, is that it's a ritual.
22:32
So, I've done hundreds of interviews on manifesting, and in nearly every one, I'll get asked, you know, um what can someone do every day to manifest their partner?
22:42
As if there's one thing you can do, like you can journal before bed, or you can do a visualization meditation.
22:49
And what these are, these are rituals that support your manifesting journey, but manifesting is the self-development practice. You live and breathe it.
22:59
Everything you do is part of your manifestation practice.
23:02
Like the way you show up for yourself, the boundaries you set, the routines you have, the habits you have, everything matters.
23:11
These rituals are not manifestation practices, they are just supporting the process.
23:18
Um and the other one is that you cannot manifest things that are totally out of your control.
23:24
So, sometimes I get asked, "Can you manifest winning the lottery?"
23:29
I'm like, "No, you can't because it's nothing to do with you." Yeah.
23:33
Manifesting is about becoming so empowered and so full of self-belief that you make things happen.
23:39
And in that, it means that you can't manifest things that have absolutely nothing to do with you.
23:43
This isn't a game of luck. Mhm. Amazing. I love those.
23:47
Those are three You can You can tell that you've you've spent a lot of time thinking about these because those are three really great great answers on some of the biggest challenges with manifesting and I get asked all those questions all the time, Yeah.
24:00
I'm happy that you've done all the thinking in between for it.
24:02
Uh being clear about our vision, I think that's the one that gets talked about the most when it comes to manifesting.
24:08
It was like, "Be really clear. Be really specific."
24:09
You hear the old examples of Jim Carrey wrote himself a $10 million check and then, you know, then he got I think it was Dumb and Dumber that he got a $10 million check for.
24:17
You hear those stories of people who are really clear, like specific about the amount, specific about the person, specific Talk to me about your key tenets of being clear about the vision.
24:30
And uh interestingly, by the way, this is the shortest chapter in the book, but it's the one that people spend the most time on. on, yeah.
24:36
Um but it of course is important.
24:38
I mean, from a neuroscience point of view, when we have these really clear goals and when we do visual rehearsal a lot, we prime the subconscious parts of our brain to reach that goal by filtering out unwanted information and seeking out opportunities that align with them.
24:54
So, I like this step and for its kind of ability to help give us this kind of opportunity to actually figure out what it is we want from life.
25:08
Like who do we want to be?
25:10
What do we want our lives to look like, but more importantly, what do we want our lives to feel like?
25:13
You know, and I think that actually just giving ourselves that space be really vulnerable and open and step back and go, "Do I want something different?
25:23
Do I want to be in a totally different industry?
25:26
Do I want a different kind of relationship?
25:28
You know, am I actually happy where I am now or not?"
25:30
So, I think it's a really it's you know, creating a vision board I always say, which you know, is just creating a visual representation of what you want your life to look like, is a really sacred experience.
25:40
It's why I encourage people to put them away.
25:42
Um there's two camps on this.
25:45
Some people love having their vision boards out where you can see.
25:48
I think they should be put away because I think you have to be so vulnerable with your dreams.
25:52
You are not going to be really honest about what you want if you think your mom is going to walk in and see it on your wall or your boyfriend's going to see it on your screensaver.
26:01
Um so, having this kind of clarity and bravery and courage to actually be honest about what you want is all really integral to this step.
26:16
Um and a kind of practice or ritual that I like that supports this is a visualization meditation.
26:20
For me, I fall asleep every night to one. Every night.
26:25
Um but yeah, it's it's a it's a really simple first step and I just think it is about this kind of clarity for yourself.
26:31
Yeah, I think that's a great answer.
26:34
I think so many times and that's why I knew I wanted to talk to you about manifesting because I feel so often in the manifestation world someone will say, "Yeah, well, pick your goal. Like what is it? Visualize it. Think it."
26:43
And I'm like, "Well, actually, it's so much more about what you said.
26:46
It's so much more about who you want to be and how you want to show up in the world and how you want to feel because when you ask that question, you then realize, "Oh, wait a minute.
26:55
Is that thing going to make me feel that?" Probably not.
26:58
And so, I'm I'm going to reflect on this back for the audience with my journey and and how it makes sense.
27:05
So, when I was after I'd left the monastery and I was working a corporate job so that I could pay my bills and take care of everything, around 2015, end of 2014, beginning of 2015, I felt like that.
27:18
I felt I was doing good at a job that I didn't really see a future in, but I knew that my purpose was to help people and serve people, and I was trying to do that on the weekends and evenings.
27:31
But, there was only so many people I could connect with, and there was only so many people I could touch because I didn't have that much time and energy.
27:38
And there was a part of me that felt, well, I have to share this with more people.
27:41
And so, that's when I started exactly what you're saying, where I started looking into what will make me feel like I'm connecting to people.
27:48
I've already helped a few people very deeply.
27:49
What is it that I'm looking for?
27:52
I'd already worked and coached a few people and gone all the way with them, but I was like, I want to touch more people, and I want to be able to reach people who their company can't afford this.
28:01
They're not doing this because they have to have a coach as a business.
28:04
It's like, this is for anyone and everyone on the planet who can access it for free, who's just like me as the kid in London who grew up with no access to any of this, but got lucky that I met the monks.
28:14
How do I reach that person?
28:16
And so, I fully agree with you that it was in that moment that I decided what I wanted to feel and who I wanted to be, even though I had no idea what it looked like.
28:26
So, if you ask me to describe where I am today, which is still on the journey, I would never have described any of this in any specificity because I just didn't know.
28:37
And if anything, my goal and my visualization was far more basic and limited, but it was enough to get started. Does that feel fair?
28:44
Yeah, I love that, and I think that's so important for people because one of my most asked questions is what if I don't know what I want.
28:51
And actually what you're saying is, "Hey, I didn't know the exact things I wanted, but I did know what I who I wanted to be and how I wanted to feel."
28:59
That is the best starting place, and I think so important for anyone listening.
29:02
It's also feeling really lost, and people often find this practice when they are feeling lost.
29:07
And when you are, it is really hard to have those specific goals. Yeah.
29:12
So, you you know, I think that's just such an important example to share. Thank you. Yeah, no, no, no.
29:15
It's just as soon as I heard you say that, I was putting myself in the shoes, and I I feel that.
29:21
I've never I've actually never been specific about numbers, things.
29:28
Those things have never been part of how I've manifested.
29:30
And I'm not saying that's bad too.
29:31
I'm saying that's not been my approach.
29:33
And my approach has constantly been, "How do I use the gifts I've been given in the service of others?"
29:39
Like that's always been like the the kind of intention.
29:41
But moving away from that, we have this idea of like you're saying, people are not always clear about their goals.
29:49
They're not always clear about what they want.
29:50
But then what usually hits is this fear and self-doubt.
29:54
And I remember going through that as well.
29:58
So, I want to ask you an interesting question about this.
30:00
When you think about fear and self-doubt, I feel like this is the part where we spend a lot of time, and most people get stuck in fear and doubt that they never start, they never try something, they never give it a go because they're worried about what their parents will think, they're worried about what their family will think of them, they're worried about what their friends will say.
30:21
When you think about fear and doubt, what is the root of what we're really struggling with in fear and doubt?
30:24
Like if you really had to think about that and go, "What is at the core of why fear and doubt is such a hard thing to overcome in the process of manifesting?"
30:34
I always take a breath when I think about fear and doubt cuz it's so overwhelming for so many of us.
30:40
And it was the hardest chapter to write when we first got because how do you even begin in one chapter to describe how to begin that healing journey?
30:51
I think that you know we are born into this world kind of full of confidence and self-love and you know I always look at Wolf and he comes home and he's obsessed with himself and I love it. You know what I mean?
31:04
He's not you know he's not coming home from nursery like oh my god mom like you will never guess what I said to Oliver today.
31:12
Like he's not got that kind of like self-consciousness.
31:14
He thinks he should have everything he wants and rightly so.
31:18
I mean I am the biggest pushover as a mom.
31:20
I'm definitely like making that much worse but I love that kind of like youthful confidence and belief that they are deserving of everything.
31:31
But what happens is life.
31:31
Like life happens to us and to varying extents we come to believe that we aren't enough, that we aren't good enough as we are.
31:41
And I mean my personal belief around this is that I think rarely do we actually get unconditional love from our parents and this isn't to blame our parents but the love we receive actually is very conditional.
31:53
It's if you are good, if you behave, I will love you.
31:56
If you misbehave, if you show anger, if you are upset, if you are crying, I will punish you and I will withdraw that love from you.
32:10
And so of course we're forming these beliefs so early on that we must mold ourselves to please those around us, our parents, then our teachers, and our peers, and the people we grow up with, and then our partners.
32:23
And so when you're compounding those beliefs constantly through our lives, when we then have this realization, oh my gosh, I have no self-worth anymore.
32:34
It's really there's a big job ahead of you to start to undo all of that conditioning and come back to that bright, confident, buoyant, childlike self.
32:46
But, I think that the trick is just to begin.
32:50
It's to begin with from a place of compassion.
32:53
We can kind of judge ourselves for having the fear and doubt in the first place.
32:57
You know, we can be like, "Oh, I wish I wasn't like this.
32:59
I wish I had more confidence. I wish this."
33:04
And I think even at that very first step, it's being able to go, "Hey, I'm so sorry, you know, to you and your inner child.
33:11
I'm so sorry that you don't feel like this yet. What can we do? How can we heal this?"
33:15
And then finding ways that work for you to whether it's literally reprogramming your neural pathways and reprogramming your belief system or I mean, just it starts to come into everything that we're doing and to to changing how we feel about ourselves.
33:32
Um And for me, it's the most been the most profound journey I've ever been on.
33:36
You know, for me to be able to sit here and say, "Do you know what? I really love who I am."
33:41
is something I am so grateful for and so grateful to manifestation for um because I absolutely didn't think it was possible, like I know many people listening will feel.
33:50
Yeah, we either put up a facade of confidence or we hide our insecurities or we try and find a way to disguise the anxiety that we feel about ourselves in order to cope with with the world outside of us.
34:05
And I think for me, I did that for many, many years.
34:09
And when I started to feel like I wanted to walk this path, the fear and doubt that came in was fear of failure.
34:20
There was a doubt around if I had the skills or the ability.
34:27
And just overall, I think my vision had shrunk. And you're so right.
34:30
If someone asked me in my teens if this would have been possible, I would have said yes.
34:34
But if someone asked me in my 20s, I would have said no.
34:38
And so, it's really interesting to see that stark comparison of If you asked me as a 15-year-old if anything could be possible, I would I would have been much more broad-minded.
34:48
And at 24, I'd become much more small-minded because you start thinking as to what's real and what's possible.
34:56
And you start also looking at the people around you and going, "Well, where have they got to?"
35:03
And And then you start kind of, you know, creating your little hierarchy.
35:07
What is the What is the word you The comparison.
35:08
The comparison of where I am.
35:11
I love what you're saying about getting back to that childlike exuberance and vibrance.
35:15
I I think that is the core.
35:15
I think that's a great answer because I feel like that now, too.
35:18
I said the happiest, I think I feel now is that I think I still allow myself to be a kid.
35:26
And that a kid in thought, a kid in activity, a kid in the idea of play, the idea of treating work and business as play, the idea of not taking it too overly seriously, where it stops being an expression and starts to become, you know, too structured.
35:47
And of course, there's There's times in which you have to be the opposite. So, I get that as well.
35:51
You talk about self-care being a big part of that through that time.
35:55
When you When you talk about self-care and self-love, again, words that are so thrown around and just overused that they've lost their value.
36:04
How have you looked towards self-care and self-love through the process of fear and doubt and in a way that actually helps you through that toughness?
36:11
So, I think for me, I I started to realize early on that self-love was something that we could nurture in every decision we were making.
36:23
From the minute we wake up to the minute we go to bed, we have an opportunity to either boost our self-love and cultivate it or the opposite.
36:32
And so, I started to become very mindful and using a lot of self-awareness to really look at every decision I was making.
36:44
What time I was waking up, if I was snoozing my alarm, when I was saying no to things that I actually didn't want to do, and when I was just saying yes to please others, um how I was eating, how I was moving my body.
36:56
And this kind of awareness started to change everything that I was doing.
37:04
And I realized that self-love was honoring where I am today and where I wanted to be tomorrow.
37:13
And by that I mean that, you know, in making our decisions, we need to be considering who we want to become, where I wanted to be tomorrow, what I wanted to manifest, who, you know, who I wanted to become, and if my decisions were aligned with that, but also making sure that my decisions were honoring how I was feeling each day.
37:29
And so, having that ability to kind of check in with myself.
37:32
So, on days where I was feeling like superwoman, you know, when you wake up, you've got so much energy, I knew on those days I could really push myself harder at work.
37:41
I could, you know, go harder in the gym, whatever it was.
37:44
And on the days where I was waking up and I was, because look, life is still stressful, you know, you're not going to learn to manifest when everything is perfect, but on the days where I was waking up feeling flat or lethargic or just a bit down or sad, how could I honor that via rest, recharge, um getting an early night, saying no to social arrangements because that would cause me more stress, or making sure I, you know, finish my to-do list.
38:14
And so, it was this constant balance of like checking in with how I'm feeling today emotionally, physically, mentally, And where do I want to be tomorrow?
38:24
And what are my priorities for tomorrow?
38:25
And finding that balance.
38:27
And that for me is self-love.
38:29
And then within that is self-care, which is routines, looking after me.
38:34
Like I have found that I am someone that you know, I I work very hard. I'm very busy.
38:42
But I don't have like boundless energy.
38:44
I think some people on Instagram probably I don't know if like I had a warped vision, but I used to see people on Instagram that were so busy and they just seemed to have all this energy for all the time.
38:54
And I used to try and do that and I kept getting burned out and ill.
38:57
And I would get the flu and my back would spasm.
39:00
And I realized that my body just can't handle that level of adrenaline and stress for long durations.
39:08
So for me, self-love and self-care was going right, I have to take breaks for doing things that will really make my body feel better, that will calm down my nervous system, meditation, breathwork, ice baths, IV drips, whatever it is for me that really helps me. And that's self-care.
39:28
Yeah, no, I I love what you said there and I think the keyword that that I was taking away was priorities and prioritization.
39:35
I feel like that's one of the challenges with not just manifesting but life in general where it's like you were saying, if I have a sense of priorities and then I need to rest the next day to get back to the priorities.
39:46
But the problem is I think all of us have a lot of priorities and we have a lot of things that we want to happen at the same time.
39:53
And so it's like we want the amazing career, at the same time we want the amazing social life, at the same time we want an incredible vacation, at the same time we want 8 hours of sleep every night.
40:03
And it's like I don't know anyone in the world.
40:07
Like I you know, when when I met my wife and and even now in in my life, like my purpose is my priority.
40:13
And my wife and my relationship with her is a massive part of that, but but she knows that and and her purpose and her priority is her family.
40:21
And so we have these what some people would think of as competing priorities and I don't see them as competing.
40:28
I just see them as priorities that are different.
40:30
And she knows that if there's a weekend and she has a choice to spend with her family or anyone else, she'll choose her family.
40:39
And if I had the choice in a weekend to do my purpose or anything else, I would choose my purpose.
40:42
That's just always the way it's going to be.
40:45
And I think what's really interesting about that is when people see amazing or exciting things happening in your life, it's like, yeah, because this is all I care about.
40:53
Like I don't I'm not prioritizing pretty much anything else.
40:57
And that's kind of like a scary mindset for people because people that's an intimidating mindset, a scary mindset because people go, but I don't want to live like that.
41:05
And the truth is you don't have to live like that. No one does.
41:09
But I find that if you don't want to live like that, it's hard to create progress in any area, whether that's being a parent, whether it's being a partner, whether it's building a career, whatever it may be.
41:20
So, how does manifestation and priorities work together?
41:23
Do you feel that people want to manifest too many things? Are they too different?
41:27
Is it Do we need to be more focused?
41:29
How do you see that when it comes to manifestation?
41:32
I think that you're right in that people kind of want to have it all at the same time, all together.
41:37
But something's got to give. We're not superhuman.
41:42
You know, there's only so much energy and time that we have and I think that having that clarity on your purpose, on your priorities, is key.
41:52
It's also why doing something you love is so important because if people are going, well, I don't want to prioritize my work and have to give up my social life, you know, have to give up this, it's probably because you're not really that passionate about the work.
42:08
By the way, for some people, they just want to have a job. And that's totally fine.
42:13
Which will pay them so that they can prioritize the social life.
42:15
That is a good thing to know.
42:17
Because then you're not thinking, right, you know, I need to have a job that it is this all-encompassing life purpose.
42:26
Actually, I just want to leave at 5:00.
42:28
I don't want to stress about it. And that's awesome, man. And that is great.
42:31
I sometimes feel like that.
42:33
Like actually, that's pretty awesome.
42:35
You know, because they want to prioritize other things, travel, whatever.
42:39
But I think it's also really important for people to know that your priorities will change.
42:43
You don't need to get intimidated by this idea that, you know, if my priority now is my career, it has to be like that for the rest of my life.
42:53
My priority this week, let's say it right, I'm here in America and I'm have these goals that I want to manifest.
43:00
My priority right now is 100% communicating my message and inspiring as many people as I want.
43:07
Which means I have not not been out for dinner once. Right?
43:11
I'm not with my son right now. That is my focus.
43:14
I also know that as soon as I'm home, my priority is my son.
43:20
And I have to take a step back from work to give that the space it deserves.
43:22
And so, I always see your priority as being like your best friend. Yeah.
43:29
And what I mean is that you know when you go to your best friend to answer all your decisions?
43:33
So, you'll go, "Hey, what should I eat tonight?
43:35
Or should I break up with my partner?" Whatever.
43:37
Your priority is your decision-maker. It's your best friend.
43:41
So, when you're trying to make a decision of "Should I go to this party?"
43:45
Or should I, you know, let's say your priority is to feel really energized and healthy. Should I eat this candy? Whatever it is.
43:55
Your priority is that decision-maker for you.
43:57
And that's really important with manifestation because it's helping you to constantly align your behavior with where you want to go and who you want to become.
44:05
So, having those priorities gives you that focus.
44:07
It helps you to make decisions, but I think it's also really important to know that priorities are changing.
44:14
Like, they will change day-to-day, week-to-week.
44:20
Um and we should just be allowed to like get comfortable with that, but know that there needs to be some.
44:24
You can't prioritize everything at once.
44:26
Yeah, and I'm and I'm happy to hear that because I think sometimes people's vision boards or their manifesting is like every area at the same time, and it can be challenging.
44:35
But, I wanted to ask you this, and I feel like you're the perfect person to ask this to.
44:40
The idea of mom guilt with manifesting.
44:43
Like, you just talked about your son there and like getting back to him, and he's young. How old is he now? Three and a half.
44:48
Yeah, three and a half, right?
44:48
He's he's so young, and it's like I'm sure you want to be back with him, and I'm sure it's hard, but you also have this mission, and I feel like that's it's such a wonderful thing to see someone trying to balance it and trying to figure it out, but I'm sure it's not easy.
45:02
And I'm sure you know, I I grew up with a powerhouse mom who uh made me breakfast and lunch and dinner every day, dropped me to school, picked me back up, did my homework with me, and was the breadwinner of the family. So, Wow.
45:16
yeah, I don't know how she did it.
45:16
And yeah, it's She is a superwoman.
45:19
Yeah, she was she really is, and it's unbelievable.
45:21
And you know, I think I just wish she also found work that she loved.
45:26
She's good at it, and she's done great at it, but there's a part of me that's also like, well, if she loved her job, too, and it and it fulfilled her, and she had time, it would've been amazing.
45:33
But, having been the son of a a superwoman and seen an incredible mom and having such a great role model in my life, like for you, how do you balance Do you ever experience mom guilt because you're traveling, you're on the road, you're out there?
45:48
And how do you manage it with, but I'm also manifesting the life I I want for myself and my son?
45:53
Like, I just want to hear how that goes through in your head.
45:56
Do you know, and I don't know if this is going to be a very popular answer, but I don't really experience mom guilt. I love that. How? How does that work?
46:04
Because I know I really believe I'm a really good mom.
46:07
And I believe I'm a good mom because I do give Wolf unconditional love and space to be whoever he wants to be.
46:13
And as a parent that's all we can do is be as good as parents as we can be.
46:21
We're not trying to be perfect parents.
46:23
Like I'm still I'm still Roxy. I'm still many things.
46:27
I'm a multifaceted human.
46:27
Being a mom is one of those.
46:30
I mean it it of course is the most important thing, but it's not all that I am.
46:35
And I know that I'm giving Wolfie this unconditional love, safety.
46:40
I'm trying to create, you know, a life not just for me, but for him as well. And you know what?
46:45
He is the happiest little boy.
46:47
So, I'm clearly doing something right.
46:50
And I'm very lucky that Wade is an incredible dad.
46:53
I know that he, you know, Wolfie is never, apart from being in preschool, he's never with anyone other than me or Wade.
47:02
So, I know that he's like in safe hands. And he seems fine.
47:05
You know, when I like honestly before I was going to America, so Wade's taking him to Australia for 3 weeks.
47:13
And I did start feeling really panicky.
47:17
I was feeling quite anxious.
47:17
Like I can't believe I'm going to leave him.
47:19
I'm not going to see him for 3 weeks.
47:21
Like I'm missing this special time.
47:23
And you know, I would say day to day, I'm not like a needy mom.
47:26
Like I don't have I'm not like overly attached like in an unhealthy way because I, you know, Wolf is not mine. He's not my possession. He's my son. I'm here to guide him.
47:39
Um, but he's a very affectionate little boy just for context.
47:41
He's very affectionate, loves cuddles, loves kisses. Like he's so cute.
47:45
Anyway, the day I was leaving, he could obviously sense my neediness and anxiety and he refused to hug me.
47:52
I was like, "Baby, I'm not going to see you for 3 weeks.
47:57
like give your mommy a hug.
47:57
He was just like, it was always like he was like, mom, you're being a bit much. Can you just back off?
48:02
And every time I tried to FaceTime him for the last 2 weeks, he's like, I'm having too much fun. Like, I'm fine.
48:09
And so, he's happy, I'm happy.
48:13
Um and at the end of the day, I'm always going to be here for him and I'm thriving as much as I can.
48:18
He's thriving wherever he is.
48:21
And I think that I hope that in sharing that, it will give other moms permission to be okay with not feeling guilty, cuz I almost think that sometimes we have we feel guilty if we don't feel guilty. Like, I felt that.
48:36
I thought, is there something wrong with me that I don't have this awful mom guilt? Totally, yeah.
48:41
I can imagine that, yeah.
48:43
But actually, I'm pleased that I don't and I hope that it will encourage other moms to be okay with prioritizing themselves.
48:49
You know, our children are learning from what we do, not what we say, and we know that.
48:53
And if we are showing them that we respect ourselves, that we honor ourselves, that we want the best for ourselves, they are going to respond to that and learn from that.
49:05
And it's a really important example to give.
49:06
Yeah, I think that's I I love hearing that.
49:08
It's refreshing and the part that I was extrapolating from that was that it sounds like you've defined at least internally what you believe it means to be a good mom, for yourself, for you, for Roxy, who you are.
49:21
And if you have that definition, then you can live up to that.
49:26
Now, I may have a definition of what a good mom is, and obviously I I'm saying this hypothetically, but it's like if someone was to compare their definition to mine or mine to theirs or X to Y, the problem is you can start adding a lot of pressure to your plate and as you said, often get the pressure of well, I have to be everything and and anything.
49:46
And when I was reading your book, you have this beautiful dedication to Wolf, uh which is for my son Wolf, be whoever you want to be.
49:56
And and I love that, and I was thinking when you changed your name, it sounds like that was a moment where you were becoming who you wanted to be.
50:04
How How did your parents respond to that?
50:06
Like, how did they How did your family or extended family feel about you changing your name?
50:11
You know, I think I was so headstrong even as a child that my parents For me, it wasn't like I was asking my parents.
50:18
I was like, this is what I'm doing and I have to do it.
50:22
Um my I'm the youngest of four.
50:22
My brother and sisters just, you know, mocked me, obviously.
50:25
That's what all the brothers and sisters do.
50:27
Um they thought it was ridiculous that I was now Roxy, and they still don't call me Roxy. They all call me Roanne. Um but I love that.
50:36
Um but yeah, they they didn't try to stop me, which I think was really nice, you know, and I think that's important.
50:43
And I do feel like a Roxy, and I love it when people say, "I love your name." I'm like, "Thank you. I chose it." But yeah, why why Roxy? Where did it come from? don't know.
50:51
I was with a friend, and we were like, "What should we What should we choose?"
50:55
And then it was that or Rocky.
50:58
I'm glad I chose Roxy, but we changed it to an ie, because I didn't want to be like the surf brand.
51:02
No offense to the surf brand, but I wanted something unique.
51:05
Yeah, and I love I I think that's really important because so much of who we are is not chosen by us at the beginning of our lives.
51:15
And then it's important that we start choosing.
51:18
So, the beginning of your life, so much is chosen for you, and as we get older, we only truly become who we are and who we want to be if we start choosing that.
51:27
And choosing your name is is quite a big identity shift. It's not small.
51:29
And choosing it as a kid is really hard, because like you said, you could have ended up as Rocky, which which could have been Yeah, which which which could have Can you imagine that?
51:39
We would have had a very different life. Isn't that weird?
51:40
Like if you And also, I kind of For for a time, I felt, you know, in Align Your Behavior, I talk about kind of stepping into the character of yourself.
51:48
And I guess for some time, Roxy gave me this character of someone I wanted to be.
51:53
Like, I wanted to be more confident.
51:55
I wanted to feel like I was included in school.
51:57
And so, it gave me this kind of space to do that.
52:02
Eventually, it's just become who I am.
52:04
But, you know, there was always in that time when I was in my teens, it was like Roxy was the social me and Rowan was the me at home.
52:11
And now, I kind of liked that, you know?
52:15
But, now it's merged into one.
52:15
For me, my identity became class rebel, class clown, you know, the bad the bad kid in school. imagine that. really bad.
52:23
If you If you speak to any of my friends from the age of 15 to 18, they would just be like, "This is Jay's a totally different human today."
52:32
Like, not in not in the sense of how I am with people, just what I was into.
52:38
And that was the part where I was struggling, where in my heart, I've always been the same person I am today.
52:43
It's just I didn't think that for a long time, I didn't believe that vulnerability was strength.
52:47
Or I didn't feel that love was good.
52:49
Or that I didn't feel that serving others was aspirational, because that wasn't rewarded around me.
52:57
So, what was rewarded around me was who's a rebel, who's a clown, who's who can get away with stuff.
53:03
Like, that was what was rewarded as or praised by your social circle.
53:09
And so, then I was just pretending to be someone that I wasn't, even though it felt so uncomfortable.
53:15
Uh which, when we come to Aligning Your Behavior, I think that's half the issue, where my behavior when I was a teen was aligned with a reality or a truth that I would never have subscribed to.
53:26
Like, if you said to me, "Jay, this is what you're actually doing."
53:29
And I think we don't we don't really look at what our behavior aligns with.
53:33
We kind of just go with it, and we think it's us.
53:37
When you talk about Aligning Your Behavior, where are the common mistakes that we make when aligning our behavior?
53:44
Because and this is what I think ultimately goes back to the first point you made where you said that we have to know who we want to be.
53:50
And I think when we talk about manifesting, we don't.
53:52
I think people talk about what their goal is.
53:54
So someone wants to manifest making a billion dollars, right? I'm making this up.
53:59
Someone's hypothetical example.
54:01
Aligning their behavior means doing anything to be able to make a billion dollars.
54:06
Like you're ready to do anything because the goal wasn't set from a place of knowing who you want to be.
54:11
So now it's about getting something, which means you're pretty open to any behavior. Yeah. sense? That does make sense.
54:18
So talk to us about going back to who you want to be and aligning your behavior with that.
54:22
I feel like how how does someone think about who they want to be in a healthy way?
54:25
Because I think society has programmed us to say, "You want to be a podcaster.
54:30
You want to be an author.
54:32
You want to be a billionaire."
54:34
Like the word that follows be is rarely who.
54:36
That's what you want to do.
54:39
That's not who you want to be. So true. So true. Yeah.
54:42
And I guess it is, you know, it's about with who you want to be, it's for me, that means kind of how you want to show up to the world, what values are important to you, what relationships you have, um how you want to feel within yourself, how much integrity you have.
55:01
Um for me, for example, I really wanted to be someone who was really confident in themselves and confident in being a kind person.
55:11
So it's really interesting that you touched on that.
55:15
But being kind wasn't cool. Right?
55:18
Yeah, totally wasn't yeah.
55:18
The people that were cool were the ones who were a bit nasty, who mocked other people.
55:22
Even when we would watch TV shows, you know, all the cool kids were kind of the mean ones.
55:30
And even like if you would look at like in the PR and fashion world, like the mean people were kind of glamorized.
55:38
And I've always been quite a gentle, I think really nice person, and that was something that I used to be quite ashamed of in a way, and I used to think that people would just look down on me because of that quality. Same.
55:52
And so, for me, I wanted to be able to just really be authentic in my kindness and go, "Hey, I actually really like that I'm sweet to people, and I'm not going to judge myself for it.
56:03
I want to be someone that thrives in it, that loves myself for that quality, and I know that the right tribe will come to me for that."
56:14
And I think it comes back to this point you made earlier about with when you were talking about fear and doubt, you said, you know, there was so much worry about external validation.
56:23
And in the manifesting process, one really important thing is that you have to be able to let go of the need for approval from others. Energy is directional.
56:35
You cannot be constantly focusing on what other people want from you while simultaneously focusing on who you want to become. You can't go both ways.
56:45
And I describe it like this.
56:45
I actually describe it like this in my next book, but imagine you're running a race and you want to get to the finish line.
56:56
If you're running this race and you're looking over at the person next to you to see how far they're going or you want to see if they're looking at you, you're going to trip and fall.
57:06
You have to stay completely razor sharp with razor sharp focus on your own lane, on your own journey, on your own alignment, on who you want to be.
57:13
And for that, we have to be able to live knowing that and being okay with the fact that not everybody is going to like us.
57:25
It has been the most liberating thing for me to understand that I don't need to be liked by everyone.
57:30
You know, as I'm growing and spreading my message, some people are going to love me, others are going to find me really annoying, they're not going to like what I say, they're not going to like how I say it, and that is okay.
57:43
And one thing that helped me be okay with it, and I hope will help some listeners be okay with it, is that nobody on earth is universally liked.
57:53
When I realized that, everything changed.
57:56
If I look at my best friends, uh people I inspire and that inspire me in the media, celebrities I love, as many people love them, there are others who can't stand them. Absolutely.
58:09
And that was really reassuring for me.
58:10
I was like, "Hey, these people that I love have people that don't like them, and hey, it's the same for me as well."
58:15
And that let it like it set me free.
58:21
It set me free, and it gave me the space to be myself.
58:24
And in that, I was able to let go of this need for external validation and this constant desire to be what other people wanted me to be, and actually just be who I am.
58:33
And as soon as I did that, everything started aligning, the universe started supporting me, and I felt like, you know, I said in the beginning, this isn't magic, but it feels magical.
58:48
I feel like my life is magical because not because there aren't stresses that I have to overcome, but but because I'm living in true alignment with who I am.
58:58
Yeah, I I I love that phrase of it's not magic, but it feels magical because I think that's the issue with manifestation, that it's always been presented as magical and in that way.
59:13
And like you're saying, that the actual method is not magical.
59:14
The method is structured, and there's a process, and there's a system, and then the result is magical.
59:21
And and that really aligns with me.
59:23
I I really really I've never heard anyone say that before, and really love that.
59:27
Like, it really resonates.
59:28
And And I can say the same for me.
59:30
Like, I feel like I live a miracle every day.
59:33
But, I know the process isn't that.
59:33
And I want to talk a bit about that.
59:35
That part of aligning the behavior is getting good at doing things when you don't want to do them.
59:44
And getting good at things that you may not have wanted to get good at.
59:46
Like, I think people feel that people who manifest their ideal life, they wake up and they do only what they want for 24 hours in a day.
59:54
I don't think that's fully true.
59:56
And I think I felt misled for a long time where I was like, "Yeah, I love what I do."
1:00:01
And I realized I do love what I do, but I also do a lot of what I don't love doing in order to do more of what I love to do.
1:00:07
And And I feel like that's where a lot of people leave the journey because you start doing what you love.
1:00:15
So, I started making content, which I loved, and sharing this message, and speaking on stages.
1:00:19
And then all of a sudden, I had to think about building teams and organizing and growing, which wasn't stuff that I would say I love doing compared to doing this.
1:00:29
But, I had to learn that in order to serve the greater mission.
1:00:31
And I realized if I have to learn something in order to serve my mission of manifesting, then that's part of the manifesting.
1:00:41
That isn't excluded because I don't enjoy it.
1:00:43
Does Yeah, where does that sit with you on?
1:00:46
100% and it's why be clear being clear in your vision is so important. Yes.
1:00:51
Because it's giving you that reason, that why, why you're doing all the things that you don't enjoy necessarily or that aren't your favorite part of the process.
1:00:58
But, you're doing them anyway because of this greater thing.
1:01:01
And you know, I think that we kind of I don't know if you agree, but there is an aversion to discomfort.
1:01:07
Like, we are always trying to like avoid Not always and not everyone, but we can try to avoid things that feel uncomfortable, hard work, things that we don't want to do because our brain is always trying to keep us like as safe and happy as possible. Yeah.
1:01:27
And it's also, you know, a lot of that is also coming from a place of fear as well.
1:01:32
Like that can't go unsaid, but and I know this kind of phrase is some people don't like it, but I do believe that part of self-love is self-discipline.
1:01:40
Is be able There's a you know, there's a fine line between giving yourself compassion and space to like be gentle with yourself and give yourself space to like experience the whole spectrum of emotions.
1:01:52
Then sometimes we do need to just go, "Hey, you need to finish doing your accounts, even though it's really boring and even though it makes you feel like your brain's going to explode, but you need to do them because it's part of this greater picture and it's going to get you closer to where you want to go."
1:02:09
And it's also the same with any time you have an opportunity to step outside your comfort zone, you know, to take risks, to do things despite the fear of being rejected or the fear of failure or whatever it is.
1:02:19
And the more that we can retrain our brain to find this motivation and commitment to going beyond what we feel is comfortable, you know, that's where we see the real growth.
1:02:35
Um I always say like there's a great quote, which is nothing changes if nothing changes, but I also love, you know, I say it in my book is if you want to see and create change in your life, you have to be the change.
1:02:45
Like you are the driving force behind everything.
1:02:47
You talk about envy in your work and I find envy fascinating because the Vedas talk a lot about it, which are the books I studied as a monk.
1:02:57
I've I found envy to be one of the most interesting emotions.
1:02:59
It's It's fascinating as an emotion to me to have to figure out where's it coming from, what's it doing.
1:03:04
And you talk about in the book how you turn envy into inspiration or that's what you recommend in manifesting.
1:03:13
What is envy a representation of for you and and how have you made sense of it when you talk about turning into inspiration?
1:03:19
Yeah, so I think this is a really important step for all of us.
1:03:21
So envy comes from this scarcity mindset that there's not enough to go around.
1:03:27
So if you have something, it's potentially less for me.
1:03:31
And it's coming from this place of fear.
1:03:34
So I would say envy is fear and doubt in disguise.
1:03:39
What often happens is that we are constantly trying to deny ourselves of our envy.
1:03:44
We don't want to admit when we're feeling it.
1:03:46
Whenever I'm in a workshop and I talk about envy, you could hear a pin drop because nobody wants to like give away that they've ever felt envy before, you know?
1:03:55
There's so much shame around it.
1:03:57
You know, it's definitely, you know, look at the Disney film.
1:04:02
It's like the green-eyed monster, you know?
1:04:03
They're always the villains are the envious ones.
1:04:07
And when we don't kind of admit our envy, we pass it on often as judgment or criticism of others. So true.
1:04:14
So we see a confident person walk through the door and we go, "Oh, they're so full of themselves."
1:04:21
Or we see a couple kind of, you know, kissing on the street. "Oh, get a room."
1:04:25
We're constantly passing this judgment of other people and I think that it's just envy coming out.
1:04:30
And so at the very first step, what I really encourage people to do is to start to take ownership of it.
1:04:36
Look out for any time you're judging or criticizing others and seeing is this really a sign that I'm feeling envious of something that they have or something that they're doing.
1:04:49
Also, when you know, you know, we there are times where the envy is just blatant.
1:04:53
Like your friend gets a job promotion and you wanted that job promotion or, you know, if you see someone getting engaged and you're really, you know, what waiting for your partner to propose, then it's more obvious.
1:05:03
But either way, when we notice that envy or we, you know, realize that we've been judging someone and we've been disguising it.
1:05:09
Yes, I am feeling envious. That's okay.
1:05:12
There's nothing wrong with that.
1:05:14
It's not making me a bad person.
1:05:16
But what is this showing me?
1:05:18
It's showing me that something still needs healing within me.
1:05:21
Whether that's an insecurity or just a real doubt that there is enough for everybody to go around.
1:05:29
To then take it further, we can turn that and transform it into inspiration.
1:05:34
Inspiration is the antithesis of envy.
1:05:36
It says that there is enough for us all.
1:05:38
It comes from a really abundant mindset.
1:05:41
What you have something and I can have it too.
1:05:43
And I truly believe there is an abundant of love, success, happiness, and money in the universe for us all.
1:05:51
And so what I encourage people to to do constantly is try to get into this habit of turning that envious thought or feeling first by owning it and being compassionate around it and then transforming it into inspiration.
1:06:01
So for example, if you see someone getting married and you're going, "Oh my god, everybody's getting married around me. I'm so jealous."
1:06:09
You can transform it to, "Isn't this another beautiful representation of love?
1:06:14
I can't wait to have that for myself when the time is right."
1:06:18
So we always have this opportunity to transform this very low vibrational feeling of envy and turn it into something that is high vibrational, that is more empowering, that feels better.
1:06:29
And it's why, you know, supporting each other, celebrating each other is so important. That's awesome.
1:06:37
I'm so glad we talked about that because Yeah, I find that envy can also be the biggest block to manifesting because if you ultimately after doing all these steps at step six, are feeling envious of others, it it just takes all of that high vibrational energy back to low vibrational energy and it's Envy's one of those like I know there's there's all these new thoughts about, you know, envy is a sign of what you really want and things like that.
1:07:00
And I'm I'm not fully in agreement of that.
1:07:02
Like I don't I don't think that I often think that our envy just exists much more broadly.
1:07:09
If you have narrow envy in an industry or space, you're probably luckier.
1:07:13
Generally, we get to envy us of lots of different people for lots of different things because we don't know our own values.
1:07:18
When you know your values, you'll only be envious of people in your value space, and that's helpful as a start.
1:07:23
But you're so right that yeah, if you if you find yourself falling into the envy, it's not even what you share with others.
1:07:30
It's holding that bitterness within your own heart and mind. It's horrible.
1:07:33
Like it just it's just so polluting.
1:07:35
And letting go of it, and for me what's really helped is again and again getting really clear on what you said that if I'm doing my thing, it really doesn't matter what anyone else is doing, and it won't have that someone else's moves don't influence mine, and someone else's wins and losses don't influence in mine.
1:07:59
And I think it's also this is where I wanted to get to.
1:08:02
It's also the other way around.
1:08:05
Sometimes envy is you can't enjoy someone else's wins, but sometimes envy is you deeply enjoy someone's losses. Yeah.
1:08:16
someone loses, you take joy in it, and someone wins, you don't care.
1:08:19
But when you take joy in someone's loss, I I see this in the news every day like when people get divorced and we're like, "Oh, we knew they'd get divorced. We told you so."
1:08:30
Someone loses a game and we're like, "Oh, you're the worst player of all time."
1:08:33
Like we take so much joy in other people's loss or in other people's failure or supposed failure.
1:08:41
And we don't realize that when that same thing happens to us, we're going to treat ourselves the same way.
1:08:45
Now, God forbid you go through something similar that you condemned online, you're going to condemn yourself through that whole process rather than giving yourself compassion and space. It's so true.
1:08:56
I I similarly, I always say that every time you're judging someone else, you are like compounding and building this fear that other people are judging you. Yeah.
1:09:09
And that you will then judge yourself more.
1:09:11
So actually, the less we do it for other people, the less we find joy in other people's losses, and the less we find ourselves judging and criticizing others, actually the less we'll do it to ourselves or fear that other people will do it to us as well. Yeah.
1:09:24
So I think it's a really, really important one to talk about.
1:09:27
And I think, you know, personally, it's something that's really empowered me to manifest because, like you say, of course it's a big block because if I was, you know, when all of my book came out, I'm going into the you know, into having a career in the self-help, you know, industry, let's call it.
1:09:48
If I was thinking, "Oh my gosh, no, there's so many successful the Jay Shetty is like he's got millions of followers and I'm never going to be that big."
1:09:56
And if I started having that, I would be totally blocking myself, right?
1:10:03
But we're all on the same mission.
1:10:03
We are all here to help people and inspire people.
1:10:08
And for every coach, healer, author out there, there are thousands of people wanting to learn. Yes.
1:10:14
And who listens and hears my message and takes it in Yeah.
1:10:19
is supposed to be in my tribe.
1:10:19
But I'm, like I said, I'm not for everyone.
1:10:25
And so for other people, they'll hear you speak and that will resonate way more with them.
1:10:30
Or they'll hear another or another speaker or another author. And that's great. Yeah.
1:10:35
Because we're all we're all on the same mission.
1:10:37
And that's an abundant mindset.
1:10:39
And that's why I can look at you and Brené Brown and Tony Robbins and anyone in this world and go, "That is so inspiring.
1:10:46
I love seeing people help other people." Yeah, exactly.
1:10:49
And I And I think you identified it perfectly there.
1:10:52
It's The real question is are we here for the healing or are we here for us?
1:10:58
And and that's really the question.
1:10:58
And if you're really in it for the healing, then anyone who's a healer, you'll appreciate them, even if their healing style's different.
1:11:05
But that sign that sign is so clear when you're like, "Oh yeah, I don't like the way they're doing it.
1:11:11
Don't like the way they I don't agree with them.
1:11:12
Oh, they're not And that's It just creates fractions and fractures internally as well.
1:11:15
So, I'm so glad you brought that up, too. It's beautiful.
1:11:18
And I think as you were talking, I was I was piecing a thought together, and it's this idea of how comfort creates self-care, but discomfort creates self-respect. Mhm. I love that.
1:11:33
and it just hit me while you were talking.
1:11:35
And I was thinking that discomfort has actually brought me so much more than comfort.
1:11:43
And now I appreciate comfort more because I know I can get into discomfort when I need to.
1:11:49
And so, the self-respect that comes from discomfort creates such a confidence and a swagger and an energy that then you cradle with comfort when you need to, as opposed to when you've only coddled and comforted the whole time, it's really hard to then have that feeling of self-respect.
1:12:11
So, every time I go through something tough, I'm like, "God, I did that."
1:12:14
Like, every time I break through something, I'm like, "I can do hard things.
1:12:18
Like, I can do really tough stuff."
1:12:20
And that builds self-respect.
1:12:21
And self-respect is what I need in order to function in life, to build self-worth, in order to have self-belief. Does that Yeah. Oh, I love that. I love that.
1:12:32
And I think you're absolutely right.
1:12:34
I mean, there's no better feeling than doing something that you thought you couldn't. Yeah.
1:12:38
Or being able to have that mindset.
1:12:40
You know, even little things.
1:12:42
Like, like for me in my ice bath yesterday, 6 minutes.
1:12:44
I was like, "This is so hard. good. That's amazing. This is amazing. Yeah.
1:12:49
I was like, "I'm so cold."
1:12:52
Uh and I was like tapped into that kind of mental strength.
1:12:54
I was like, "Discomfort is okay."
1:12:55
And afterwards, I felt so proud of myself.
1:12:57
And it's quite similar to self-trust.
1:13:00
I always say like, "Follow through with things that you say you're going to do because that builds self-trust, which again impacts that self-worth, that self-esteem, that self-confidence."
1:13:10
You know, the Every time we say to ourselves, "I'm not going to drink tonight."
1:13:14
And then you go out and drink, you're losing that self-trust.
1:13:17
Or when you say, "I'm going to finish that, you know, assignment today."
1:13:20
And then you don't, you're losing that self-trust.
1:13:22
But when you actually do things like, you know, push through discomfort, or you follow through with things that you you say you're going to do, you're building self-discipline, self-respect, self-trust.
1:13:34
And all these things combined is what is making you feel more empowered, more confident.
1:13:40
And in that empowerment, you take steps that you never thought were possible to live a dream that you feel so proud of. Yeah, absolutely.
1:13:50
And it's doing what what's really hitting me right now with with what you're saying is that it's doing hard things that are meaningful to you.
1:13:58
The challenge is a lot of us are doing hard things that are not meaningful to us.
1:14:02
So, when you break through something hard that's not meaningful to you, it doesn't feel great.
1:14:06
And so, I do believe people are doing hard things every day.
1:14:10
I do believe people are working hard every day.
1:14:12
I do believe that people are struggling every day, but often it's towards something that isn't important to them.
1:14:18
And so, if we can find a way to do hard things that are meaningful to us, that can unlock a whole new mindset and, you know, make it easy to manifest. Yeah. Breath.
1:14:33
I was talking to someone about it yesterday.
1:14:34
There is this kind of feeling there that life is hard and it should be hard, but in the wrong ways. Yes, right.
1:14:42
Whereas this is like what we're talking about something very different.
1:14:44
It's a like and I just really resonated with that that it is about working hard for these things that are meaningful.
1:14:49
Yeah, well, it's it's what you said earlier and I and I love that that's where you start with just being clear about your values and knowing what you want and not wanting something because someone else thinks it's cool.
1:14:59
Like I do think that there are there's a mindset in the world where it's like it's cool not to care. And then, right?
1:15:05
And then there's a mindset the other way where it's like it's cool to really care.
1:15:08
And it's like and it's like both are fine, but just choose which one you want to be.
1:15:12
Like, you know, it it doesn't like some people are like, "Oh, it's cool not to care about what you wear."
1:15:17
And then some people are like, "No, it's cool to care about you what you wear."
1:15:19
Neither's right or wrong, but most of us subscribe to one because of what people around us think as opposed to that's how I want to be. Yeah.
1:15:27
And and I think that that's the freeing element of all of this.
1:15:29
It's like, how many decisions can you make in your day that were made because they were decisions you wanted to make, not because someone wanted you to make them, not because someone forced or influenced you, but that you knew they were right for you.
1:15:45
That that's really what we're talking about. Absolutely. Couldn't agree more. Yeah.
1:15:50
Roxy, it's been so fun talking to you.
1:15:53
You are you're definitely a kind, warm, wonderful person in person, too.
1:15:58
So, and I'm glad that we both found the courage to become ourselves in public because when you said that, too, I can resonate with that so deeply where even for years I was just like, yeah, I I you know, you have to kind of play this role that you don't want to play and I'm so glad I let go of that.
1:16:13
I'm so glad you did, too. Yeah.
1:16:16
Uh but for everyone who's been listening, I want you to go out and grab a copy of Manifest: Seven Steps to Living Your Best Life by Roxy Nafousi.
1:16:23
Please do not uh miss out on grabbing this book.
1:16:25
The seven steps we talked about a few of my favorite ones today.
1:16:29
There's so many more and I'm hoping Roxy will come back uh for her next book.
1:16:30
Uh but please do grab this. Please do use it. Use it practically.
1:16:35
Use it as a workbook, not just a reading book uh because that's what it's built to do.
1:16:43
And Roxy, we end every On Purpose episode with a final five. Yeah.
1:16:44
Uh so, I hope you haven't been practicing too much. No, I haven't.
1:16:49
I'VE JUST IN THIS moment I remember you did the Did you do the first one with Alex Cooper? No, no.
1:16:54
We've done final five forever, but that I'm going to do it.
1:16:58
there a new thing with her?
1:16:58
That's many sides of you. We'll do that.
1:16:59
Usually we do final five when it's someone's first time, and so sides afterwards, but I'll I'll do both with you. No, no, no, no, no.
1:17:08
I was like, wait, what was the thing that was new? Yeah. Okay, good. All right.
1:17:11
So, Roxy, these are your final five. Question number one.
1:17:12
What is the best manifestation advice you've ever received or heard?
1:17:17
That we manifest what we subconsciously believe we are worthy of receiving. Mm. Great answer.
1:17:23
All right, second question.
1:17:24
What is the worst manifesting advice you've ever heard or received?
1:17:28
That if you think about something hard enough, it will appear for you.
1:17:30
Number three is how would you define your current purpose?
1:17:34
To help and inspire others to find the light within them. Beautiful. I love that.
1:17:40
Uh so clear all these answers. This is fantastic.
1:17:43
Uh question number four is I love that you talked about keeping your uh vision board like private and sacred and like more internal.
1:17:52
Like, where do you keep it?
1:17:54
Do you do it on a on a board, a pad, a journal?
1:17:56
Like, what's what's your way?
1:17:58
I have the most basic vision board you have ever seen.
1:18:01
For someone that talks so much about manifesting, it's actually quite embarrassing.
1:18:07
I have really terrible handwriting, firstly I'll say.
1:18:09
You'll see on your side book.
1:18:11
But um I get like an A4 piece of card, and I write in felt tip pen. Brilliant. I love it. And that's it.
1:18:20
You'll see cuz I'm going to send you a picture.
1:18:21
It's just felt tip pen bullet points of everything.
1:18:23
I'm not a very visual person in terms of like I don't like using the magazines and stuff like that.
1:18:29
It's just bullet points, to the point, all the words, all the things I want.
1:18:33
I kind of put some headers on it. That's it.
1:18:35
And then I tuck it on the floor under my wardrobe. I love it. That's brilliant. That's fantastic. That's great.
1:18:43
Uh fifth and final question, if you could create one law in the world that everyone had to follow, what would it be?
1:18:50
I would love if there was a ban on bitching about other people.
1:18:53
Like, I just think it's so toxic for ourselves.
1:18:59
I cuz if there wasn't that, we wouldn't have this constant fear of what other people think.
1:19:04
And then we would all be living in alignment. So, yeah. That's a great answer.
1:19:08
Yeah, if we had the ability to evaluate and assess what people were doing and saying as opposed to Yeah.
1:19:14
directly going into that negativity. Yeah. Yeah. I love that.
1:19:16
Uh everyone, the book again is called Manifest: 7 Steps to Living Your Best Life.
1:19:20
Uh make sure you go and order your copy now.
1:19:24
Roxy, thank you so much for doing this. Oh, thank you.
1:19:27
such a joy talking to you.
1:19:27
I've loved I've made so many great connections in this conversation, which is what I count as a good conversation.
1:19:32
So, you've inspired me in so many ways and so many ideas that came out and I'm so grateful that you're doing the work you're doing.
1:19:39
Thank you so much for Thank you.
1:19:41
leading this path to redefining manifesting. Thank you.
1:19:44
And everyone who's watching or listening, make sure you tag Roxy and I on Instagram, on Twitter, on any social media platform you use, on TikTok, share your highlights from this interview.
1:19:51
Uh if there are any clips or any insights that stood out to you, please pass them along and make sure you share this with a friend and start manifesting.
1:19:58
Thank you for listening and I'll see you next week on On Purpose.
1:20:02
If you want even more videos just like this one, make sure you subscribe and click on the boxes over here.
1:20:08
I'm also excited to let you know that you can now get my book Think Like a Monk from thinklikeamonkbook. com.
1:20:17
Check below in the description to make sure you order today.