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Ooh, that one's a hot one. Hey.
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Hey, what's going on everybody?
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For First We Feast, I'm Sean Evans and you're watching Hot Ones.
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It's the show with hot questions and even hotter wings.
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And today we're joined by comedian Pete Holmes.
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I thought you were going to say hotter guests.
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He's the star and creator of HBO's hit series Crashing, which enters its third season this January.
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You can catch him on You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes wherever you get your podcasts.
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And if all that weren't enough, he has a new comedy special on the way called Dirty Clean, set to air on HBO December 15th.
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I'm still upset that you didn't say even hotter guests.
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And you're watching the show with even hotter guests. properly. Hi, I'm Sean.
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Hi, I'm Sean Evans and you're watching Hot Ones.
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It's the show with hot questions and even hotter guests. Guests.
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Sexy hot, not like temperately, like sexual.
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Which hot would I start from the right? Mhm. Start at the handle.
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And we're we'll work our way to the Like Kathy Bates on the Titanic, remember? Mhm. One Titan fan. One Titan fan.
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That jacket and that haircut, being from Boston, you look like a racist.
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Has anyone told you that? Not too spicy, right? No.
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So, on Crashing, you tell the semi-autobiographical story of a struggling comedian.
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And as I understand it, pulled some of your own hard luck experiences as inspiration.
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When you think back on all the humiliating things you had to endure as an aspiring comic, be it handing out flyers in the rain, or paying for your own stage time, is there a moment that you describe as comedy rock bottom?
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You know, you're never a completely immune to it.
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That's one of the things that makes super interesting.
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Like I did a show in Philadelphia and I remember it was like a bunch of Arty fans and they were just like not having me.
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Like it was billed as like me and Arty Lang and like all of Arty's fans came and none of my fans and I It look at me, I'm not Arty.
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I come out and I'm just like, "Have you ever noticed rainbows only have four colors?" You know what I mean?
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And people are just like, "Fucking boo." So you're never immune.
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What was your biggest customer pet peeve when you were living in Chicago and waiting tables at Bennigan's between gigs?
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Oh, that's a I love that question.
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It was the guy that would go, "I'll have a water. Anyone else want water? Water's for everybody."
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And he doesn't realize that there's nine people and I have to now bring a tray of nine waters to one [ __ ] who wanted water and eight people who maybe didn't want water, but he wanted to make the joke of like, "I'll buy a round of water." Like I hated that. That's from Texas? Shame on you, Texas.
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I I mean, I'm just saying. Right.
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For a state known for kicking ass and spicing up sauces, too humble.
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A little too humble for me. Mhm.
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I'm going to eat my words later when this burns on the a-hole.
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So I want to ask you about your experience working with the great Arty Lange, who was a Hot Ones guest that we talk about often.
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Was he a guest or did he just wander in and start eating wings and you started filming it like a bear in the garbage? bit of both, you know.
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He doesn't seem like necessarily the number one choice that you'd have in casting when you're bearing the responsibility of a huge HBO show. Yeah. It all connects.
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No, that was a that was a big conversation.
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We didn't write it with him in mind.
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I didn't really know Arty before we did the show.
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I mean, looking back, he, you know, he was a mess. Mhm.
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In the in the beautiful Arty way, I mean, he was wearing sunglasses inside, his hair his pants were falling down and he didn't say one of the lines, but he was so funny.
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And everybody else that came in sort of did it by the book, which by the anyone watching that wants to audition, that's how you should do it.
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Ari was just so undeniably good at improvising.
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And then we realized that like he was the right counterpoint.
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Whenever somebody starting comedy, especially somebody as dewy-eyed and sweet as my character and and I was, you need someone that's like, "Hey, this isn't a joke.
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Like this career eats people alive."
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I will say Humble House it's a sleeper.
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It's creeping up on you a little up on me through the back door. Uh-oh.
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Of the hum- No, I don't mean my butt.
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I just mean like if it's a house and it's humble, they don't tell you someone's creeping in the back door.
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All right, so this next one is the smoked onions from Butterfly Bakery.
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Is it good that I already feel sick?
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So in 2013 and 2014, you hosted a talk show on TBS, the Pete Holmes Show, which is a mix of monologues, interviews, and sketches. Yep.
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Now, I always thought that your funniest bits might have been with Schoolboy Q, and your Wale interview on You Made It Weird is low-key one of the best rap interviews I've ever heard. Wow, thanks, man.
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Do you think that rappers and comedians share any of the same genetic material? They do.
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Unfortunately, rappers sort of have this burden, and I mean this, they have a burden to be cool all the time.
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Like I watch interviews with Eminem and I'm just like, it looks exhausting that he has to be like, "Yeah, Detroit, Detroit."
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You know, like it's like he sometimes he just wants to be like, "What's going on, you guys?" You know what I mean? But he can't.
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He always has to be like, "Yeah, Hailey, Hailey."
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You know, like he has to be cool. It's [ __ ] exhausting.
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Schoolboy Q uh seemed like he had an easier time.
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I think he was just high. Very, very stoned.
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This one's called Small Axe Peppers.
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Now we're in the Now we're in the ballpark. This is getting real. It's free hat day.
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And the hat's lined with razor blades.
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[ __ ] All right, it's good.
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Makes you miss the humbleness perhaps of Texas.
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Oh, I'm I'm running back to the humble house after this to cool down.
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So you're primarily known as a stand-up, but some viewers might be surprised to learn that you're also an accomplished cartoonist.
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When you have a thought that makes you laugh, is there a mechanism that goes off where you think maybe this would be a better drawing than stand-up bit?
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I think that's one of the keys of doing comedy actually is is honoring, if I can use the word honoring, what a joke or an idea wants to be.
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So like if you have an idea and you know it's a good movie, make it into a movie.
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I've never written a movie, we'll try it.
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Yeah, or I've never written a sketch, try it.
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Instead of well, I'm going to force it into, you know, my sketch team or something.
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Well, that's not what it wants to be.
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When you think of more everyman strips like Garfield or Calvin and Hobbes, is there a comic that really stands out to you from a comedian's perspective?
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Yeah, The Far Side, for sure.
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I still think The Far Side is hilarious.
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And I I I love the story Gary Larson sent all his Far Side cartoons to like seven newspapers and he didn't hear back, so he drove, I think it was from like the Midwest to Chicago to meet in person and he sold uh his first strip, like he got his first sort of job.
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Then when he came back, his his mailbox was filled with rejection letters from all seven.
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He was like if he had waited one more day, he would have gotten all those rejection letters and wouldn't have had the the courage to drive to Chicago.
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So like the mail, like getting a slow no is why we have The Far Side today.
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But that was the first like absurd thing that I had really seen.
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I loved Calvin and Hobbes and I loved Garfield, but the the Far Side did something, I think, extra special. Cuz it It dark.
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Nobody remembers that it was dark. You like that dark?
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Yeah, there's that there's that cartoon where the farmer's going out of the hen house with a basket full of eggs and a hen is coming out of the house with a basket full of babies. That's hilarious.
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That's like a [ __ ] up joke.
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The chicken is going to scramble the babies? [ __ ] A.
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That that ran next to roses rose.
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Like that was working on a different level. Los Calientes. What does that mean? The Spicies? The hot ones. Is that what it means? Mhm. Are you sure about that? Yes.
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I think you're just committing cuz you know I'm not going to challenge you.
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But I think you are challenging me. You're right. Los Calientes. I guess you're right. Anyone speak Spanish? Nadie. All right, Beat.
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Every week segment on our show called Explain That.
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Graham, we're going to deep dive on our guest's Instagram, pull interesting pictures that need more context.
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So I'll bust out the laptop, I'll show you the picture and you just tell me the bigger story. Does that sound good? Sounds great.
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All right, laptop, please. Her shirt says pizza. Oh, Prosecco and pizza.
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All right, it also includes the drink order.
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It's a whole theme we have here.
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Oh, I thought it was a crazy shirt, but it says Prosecco and pizza. Okay, Beat. Salem reenactment. Yeah. What's going on here?
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Uh I was a reenactor in Salem, Massachusetts um reenacting the first witch trial in America, the trial of Bridget Bishop in a show called Cry Innocent.
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So anyway, we'd give the testimonies. I still remember them.
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We'd give the actual testimonies from 1692 and then the jury of modern people with wrap-around Oakleys and disposable cameras would vote as to whether or not she had committed witchcraft, which was really fun.
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That sounds like a good time. Yeah.
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It's where I met my first wife.
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She was the witch and I was the judge and I sent her to burn. Not burn, but hang. Three times a day.
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And uh take that, 50 Shades of Grey.
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That's some kinky [ __ ] right there. Two drinks not vegan. Two drinks not vegan.
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I I almost hesitated posting that because, you know, I I'm a vegan and vegans are very serious about their veganism.
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But I was like, no, it's important to share the moments that we're all full of [ __ ] In fact, I think vegans uh more full of [ __ ] vegans should come forward because right now it's such a club of like you're either in or you're out. Yeah.
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And as soon as you have like a cookie that has eggs in it, you're out.
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We also have to fess up the idea that most of us, even though I'm a vegan, weren't vegans for decades and decades and decades.
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So we have to have compassion for people that eat meat or whatever.
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And then also, I think we need to be honest about the fact that sometimes you have a couple beers.
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Yeah, well, it was a lot, but yep.
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And then you eat a Shake Shack burger and I really enjoyed it.
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And does that make me a bad person?
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Does that make me not a vegan anymore?
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I mean, some people would say absolutely. I would say no.
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Try to eat plants as much as you can.
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It's good for you and it's good for the planet. It's good for animals.
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But if you [ __ ] up, don't be embarrassed.
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That's what we're all doing.
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We're all just tripping and getting up and talking about it.
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Tripping and getting up and talking about it. That's what life is. Assam. That's Urdu. Mhm. Or Hindi. One or the other.
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Why am I asking a snowstorm of a man? How dare you? Is it Hindi or Urdu?
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Am I talking to an H&R Block? Okay, ALL RIGHTY THEN. HILARIOUS. WELL DONE.
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AS SOMEONE who grew up spending hours at the arcade playing Street Fighter, what blows your mind the most? a gentleman. Thank you, Pete. That's very sweet.
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You've done all this research. It's really kind of you.
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Most people don't do this deep dive. Yes, Street Fighter 2.
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As someone who writes for TV, is there a game that really nails it from plot line story development angle to you?
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Well, I do think Red Dead does a really good job of that.
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A lot of the younger God, I'm old.
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A lot of the younger players were like complaining that the game kind of opens in a linear way and they're like, "I hate it."
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And I was like, "But the bonding you with the characters."
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That's how I know I'm older.
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I'm like, "Now you have an emotional tie to Dutch."
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So, when Dutch gets this or this, you really want to save him.
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You know, like so I'm That game is made for 40-year-olds, 40-year-old dudes, and I'm that I'm that man.
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I touched my nose and my nose is burning.
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Ooh, have you done that before?
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Yeah, you got to be careful around your face. Yeah, face and eyes. Yep.
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All right, this is called Colly's Firewater. Mhm. Is that okay?
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Is that That's Native American like firewater?
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Everything's racist if you look hard enough. All right, firewater.
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Got firewater, [ __ ] you. Yeah.
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Firewater is one of those [ __ ] yourself ones. Does it say that?
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Yeah, it says it right here. Go [ __ ] yourself.
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We're in [ __ ] yourself territory going forward.
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It's It's It's bordering on horrible.
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So, one of the funniest scenes in Crashing is when you're at one of those deli buffets stuffing as much food as you possibly can into a container.
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And I'm curious, besides the classic slice, what are some of the foundational meals of a a comedian?
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What you would do is you'd eat as little as you could during the day to save money.
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Then when you got to the club you'd order the chicken fingers or whatever, the appetizer that was free for the comedians. You would order that.
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Where do rich comedians eat?
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Ooh, that one's a hot one. Hey. There's your promo.
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Where do rich comedians eat?
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I've been to dinner with Judd many times.
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And Judd is certainly well well off. He's well off. And he eats Craig's.
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That's where rich comedians eat.
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There's always paparazzi people waiting out front to see your post pork chop face. Sell it to the media.
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There's a lot of similarities between the come up for comedians and rappers, but I think the difference is, you know, you grind it out, you make it, and then a rapper will start talking about the lobster that he eats and the champagne that he drinks. Yeah, dude. [ __ ] Sean. You're brilliant. That's right.
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But you don't really hear that coming from comedians.
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Everyone knows what you mean. Don't finish the point.
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When I get it, they got it. WHY IS THAT?
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HONESTLY, THAT'S SUCH A GOOD OBSERVATION.
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I You can't say certain things and lose your every personness.
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I still think Bill Burr buys his own groceries.
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But when you go and see like Seinfeld or whatever, and he's one of my favorites, he's like, "You know, when you in a cab?"
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It's like, "Jerry, you have an SUV waiting behind the SUV that's picking you up in case that SUV has a an aroma you don't like. You know what I mean? Like, you you're out.
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But we don't want to hear about that.
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If you talked about that, we would we would back away.
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It's like John Mayer, right?
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I think it's so weird that young girls go and see John Mayer.
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He's like, Everyone's like, "He wants me."
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He's [ __ ] a different one of you every night.
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Like, how can you buy into this persona Gross.
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This persona that's just like, "I just want to write you poetry."
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No, he wants to [ __ ] three of you after the show.
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And with comedians like John Mulaney sells out Radio City six times. He's doing okay.
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And then he And then, you know, he's he's one of my best friends, one of my favorite comedians.
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We still kind of go along with the lie if he's just like, "And Delta charges for an extra bag."
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It's like, "Dude, you could buy the plane." Who's one? Yeah, you knew. You knew what you did. Yeah.
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You knew what you gave me. You gave me the bomb. This is not the bomb. No, it's not. It's more like a bomb. Mhm.
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Something that's the bomb.
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Let me mansplain this to you. School me.
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Usually means it it's excellent.
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Like that Hanson concert was the bomb.
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Give me their email address.
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I have a couple things I want to send them.
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One is a virus to take down their whole company. Why would you eat that?
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So in addition to your Batman character, you've racked up tons of millions of online views with this hilarious sketch series in which you play Professor X firing various members of the X-Men.
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Having worked your way through most of the roster, which X-Man do you think is actually the most expendable? Wolverine.
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[ __ ] [ __ ] get him out of here. He's a bar fight hero. He's the coolest.
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I'm not saying he's not the coolest. He's worthless.
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Let's say Superheroes are supposed to save us from like a meteorite coming towards the Earth.
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Wolverine's just going to be like, "It's closer."
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Like he'll just smell it coming.
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Rogue, she can do something.
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Let's say you were being held captive by a serial killer in a storage container somewhere and you could only call one superhero to save you.
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Who would you have the most confidence in? Superman.
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That's why Superman sucks, too. Too perfect. This movie sucks ass.
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They suck my ass all day. Where do I relate?
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Where do I relate to this?
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Superman's like, I saw it through the walls.
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You forget he has so many powers. I have wind breath. [ __ ] you, pick one. I have ice breath.
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That's like a 1950s [ __ ] character.
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Which superhero do you think would have the best Instagram feed?
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What's the Roman Sionis one?
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You know who I'm talking You know who I'm talking about?
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You know who I'm talking about? Mystique. Yeah, Mystique.
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Oh, then she became Jennifer Lawrence later.
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That was just What a nightmare.
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Is Batman the most relatable to you? Yes. Yes.
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He's kind of getting out there.
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You shoot him, he bleeds. You cut him, he bleeds. He can die. His parents are dead. Great.
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They're all dead parent people.
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That You can't be a superhero with with living parents.
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I think yeah, probably there's some sort of trauma that has to fuel that energy.
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You need trauma and you also need someone No one there to be like, "Get that cape off."
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Are those your mom's driving gloves? Shut up, dad. I'm a bat. Get that belt off.
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What do you have a yellow belt on? I made it. It has anvils in it. And the dad leaves. This is hard. I don't want to eat it. All right. For no reason.
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You don't even try to talk me into it. I just go, "Okay."
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I knew I I knew I didn't have to. Yeah, I know.
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Cuz we like playing around. Mhm. What we're doing here. Yep.
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We're in these space suits that expire.
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We should, you know, eating weird [ __ ] Just to see what it's like.
19:34
This is also how I get people to try ecstasy. Really? I know.
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But yeah, I'm your drug dealer.
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I I came on your YouTube show to let me let myself out of the bag.
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No, I've never done ecstasy. Have you? Yeah. Mhm. Tables have turned. I know. I'm in THE HOT SEAT.
19:54
UH BUT SPEAKING OF, you discuss spirituality quite a bit on your podcast.
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I've heard you described as someone who seeks enlightenment almost to a fault.
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Have you ever had a religious experience while on mushrooms or LSD or anything like that? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.
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Um Reza Aslan, who was the professor of religious studies at Harvard for a while and and then he wrote the book Zealot and he wrote the book God.
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He came on my podcast and he said that you can trace every major religion back to the use of psychedelic plants.
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And really, it's not a surprise.
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Every one of them is telling you something.
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I don't think there's anything more exciting than taking a psychedelic plant, something that people have been taking for millennia, and merging with those thoughts.
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Honestly, you can get there through a lot of experiences that get you out of your brain, sex, music.
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You have that moment where you realize that it's not about knowing something, it's about becoming something.
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And it's not about learning something, it's about forgetting everything that you've learned.
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And I know this all sounds very trite, but that really is what it is.
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And sometimes that sounds it makes more sense to me than other times.
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Right now I'm saying it and I sort of feel on the outside of the idea, but there have times that I've been on the inside of it.
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So I can say from experience that it's true.
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And most of those experiences were on mushrooms.
21:18
Everything I just said would make more sense if you guys were all smoking dabs.
21:22
It's funny that you say that, Pete. We are doing dabs. This is the last dab.
21:23
We call it the last dab because it's traditional around here to put a little extra on the last wing.
21:32
You don't have to if you don't want to. Did Wally do it? Did Wally do this? Wally did do this. Wally did dab. I think I got it. All right. Cheers. Cheers.
21:46
What a trip it's been, Pete.
21:48
What a wild trip it's been. PSYCH! I'M JUST KIDDING. All right, Pete Holmes.
22:01
We've talked about your HBO series.
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We've talked about your cartoons.
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And we've talked about your love of video games.
22:06
But one thing we haven't touched on are your comedy roots and improv before the siren song of stand-up brought you to the stage.
22:14
So, as we close it out, I want to play a little game called what would it be if.
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Have you ever heard of that? Nope.
22:21
What would it be if the rules are simple?
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I'll point to a hot sauce and you say what it would be if it were a flower.
22:27
What it would be if it were a movie.
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What it would be if whatever I say.
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And we can start at the classic.
22:34
The classic, if it were a pop star, what would it be?
22:38
Miley Cyrus, but Hannah Montana.
22:43
Humble House, if it were a Judd Apatow movie.
22:46
Um, I think that would be Trainwreck.
22:52
Spicy poster, surprisingly heartfelt and gentle.
22:57
Los Calientes, if it were a woman.
23:00
The woman from Modern Family. Sofia Vergara? No, no, the child. THAT'S SO FUNNY. NO, NO, the child one.
23:14
The bomb if it were a city.
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I mean the lost city of Atlantis, but the water's fire.
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Extra hot if it were a historical figure.
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I mean, it's got Medusa on the bottle.
23:29
But I'm going to say Ernest Hemingway.
23:32
And finally, the last dab for a life philosophy.
23:36
A penny saved IS A WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT, Pete Holmes. I am leaking.
23:43
And look at you, leaking but for a good cause because you just took down 10 scorching hot vegan chicken wings. V check.
23:50
And now there's nothing left to do but roll out the red carpet for you, Pete Holmes.
23:53
This camera, this camera, or this camera.
23:55
Let the people know what you have going on in your life.
23:58
Oh god, well, I have diarrhea coming up in about 20 minutes.
24:00
If you guys want tickets, there's only one seat.
24:05
December 15th is my special Dirty Clean on HBO, and then January God, I touched my eye.
24:13
You You almost made it, Pete. You almost made it.
24:15
Kind of feels good, like icy hot.
24:17
And I can see a color I've never seen before.
24:21
Crashing season 3 premieres in January.
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The trailer is available now on Your Tube.
24:27
Mhm, that's what they're calling it these days.
24:29
And um please listen to You Made It Weird. Good job, Pete. Good job. I can't open it. Yeah. I'm just kidding. Oh. You're a good man. Good empathy. Did you have fun, Pete? That was it? I'm just kidding. I don't know.
24:48
Yeah, I had a great time. Thank you.
24:57
Hey, what's going on, spice lords?
24:57
This is Sean Evans checking in by his lonesome and you know what that means.
25:02
It's time for another hot sauce PSA.
25:02
And for two years we've been working on making the perfect entry-level sauce.
25:08
Something that's good for everyone.
25:10
Number one on our board and now it is finally here.
25:12
The classic is our contemporary twist on the original vinegar base sauces throughout American history with chile de arbol peppers and garlic for that perfect balance as always.
25:24
People who ordered the Hot Ones monthly subscription box got it first, but now it's available for everyone. Heatonist. com Heatonist.
25:31
com to pick up the classic. The classic. It's for the people.