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All day long your body is saying, "Fire alarm! Fire alarm! Fight or flight! Run!" And I was like, "Mhm."
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Like I was sitting with him and my back felt like it was on fire.
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I was like, "See, it's crazy.
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It's happening right now. It's Feel it.
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I think it's really hot."
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He was like, "No, your chemicals are so messed up that your body doesn't know where you're supposed to be.
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Your adrenals are on fire."
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Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world.
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Thanks to each and every single one of you who come back every week to listen, learn, and grow.
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Now, you know that I love sitting down with people from different backgrounds, different walks of life, who are adding meaning, impact, and purpose into the world, that have an incredible presence and use it to do so much good in the world.
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And today's guest is someone who has been so kind to me, so gracious to me, online and offline.
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And uh first interaction was actually this January when I announced me being the Chief Purpose Officer at Calm.
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And we did a series of lives, and when this guest today said yes, I was over the moon because I love her energy.
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Uh I followed her for a long, long time, admire her work.
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And for her to say yes was a dream come true.
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So, today's guest is none other than Meghan Trainor.
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And Meghan first made history in 2014 with her diamond-certified hit single All About That Bass.
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Since then, the award-winning singer, songwriter, and multi-instrumentalist has garnered a Grammy for Best New Artist, achieved eight multi-platinum singles and two platinum albums, sold out three world tours, penned multi-platinum hits for peers across pop and country, and received countless industry awards and nominations.
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Now, on top of all of that, last fall we got to watch Meghan as the host of Top Chef Family Style on Peacock, and as a judge on Clash of the Cover Bands on E!
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In September of 2021, she also launched her podcast "Working On It", which she hosts alongside her brother, Ryan.
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Meghan has recently released her new single "Bad For Me", which by the way, my producer has been singing and listening to all week, featuring Teddy Swims along with the announcement of her fourth full-length album "Taking It Back", arriving October 21st, 2022. Mark the date. Welcome, Meghan Trainor.
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Meghan, thank you for being here. You're amazing. You're amazing. You did all of that.
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You had to You had to live it. You had to create it. You had to write it. I mean, it's incredible. Wow. Congratulations. Thank you. I sound so cool. You are. say it, yeah.
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Even just your energy walking in today and I I saw you come out of the car and just your presence, your energy, everything that you said, I was just like, this is my kind of human.
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Like, this is the kind of person that I want to be around. You'll adopt me. Okay, yay. Thank you.
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Thank you for being here, honestly. Thanks for having me.
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I'm honored that you are you're like Oprah.
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You're amazing what you do for everyone in the world.
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And I'm honored and I'll do whatever you tell me to do. So, thank you.
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Thanks for letting me be here.
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I I'm humbled and touched by that.
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I actually got to say that to Oprah because she I grew up watching her.
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And so, for me, when I finally got to interview her, her book was coming out and we got to do the first interview.
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It's very exciting for me.
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And I said to her afterwards, I said, "Hey Oprah, like, you know, I I think I do what I do because I grew up watching you and you showed me that you can make meaningful stuff really powerful and it can be really mainstream.
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It doesn't have to be in this little box over here."
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And what she said to me was really special.
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She said that Maya Angelou said to her that her best work will not be the impact she makes, but the impact that the people she impacts make.
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And I just thought that So, anyway, I I appreciate, but I'm passing it on to Oprah and passing it on and passing it on.
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But, I want to dive into so many things with you today because you're just such a interesting, fascinating person.
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But the first thing I want to ask you is, you have a secret door in your home. I do.
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I want to know all about it because How did you know that?
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Because to me, yeah, of course.
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Because to me, secret doors, like that's the kind of when you just showed me your garden, too, and I'm not going to give anything away, but those are the kind of homes I get fascinated about because they're the kind of homes you dreamed of as a kid. Yeah, literally.
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So, so tell me about the secret door.
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my dream house for when I was a child.
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Yeah, that's what I'm doing right now for my future four children.
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I have one now, but he can barely walk, so we'll get there.
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Um, but I have a secret door in my house.
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And uh the house I bought is really cool.
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Not a lot of houses in LA have attics and basement, and I have both in this house.
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And my husband, we did so much construction, and he was like, "The only thing I want."
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I'm like, "Um, yes, what would you like, babe?"
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He's like, "Um, a secret door, so it looks like a bookshelf." And I was like, "Done.
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Absolutely, we're doing that."
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Um, and it's the best part of our tour.
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When we give tours of our house, everyone's like, "What?" And I'm like, "Yeah." Where does it lead to?
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Um, an attic and that I'm turning into like the best kids playground ever that I want to do like homeschooling eventually in.
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So, yeah, we got like slides up there and That's incredible.
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I I'm inviting myself over just right now. We'll go. fun, man.
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Yeah, my house is going to be sick one day when it's done. I love it. I'm very excited.
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I I went to a home when I first moved to LA, I think I was living here already, and it's the coolest house I've ever been to.
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His name is Frank Luntz, and he's a speechwriter for most of the presidents of the United States, and that's that's his career to write speeches, teach people communication, and we spoke at a conference together in Singapore, and his presentation was amazing, and somehow he liked mine, and so we became friends over it at the end, and we got connected, and he lives in LA, too, and he was like, "All right, when you're back, come over to my house." I was like, "Great."
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He's in his like mid-50s or something.
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And so I went over for dinner at his house and his house is like a museum.
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Like he has the first shirt that Nelson Mandela wore to the United States and he has like all of these incredible documents like the invite that JFK received before the assassination.
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Like he has he's just like these really amazing things.
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And we went into this room and it had this it wasn't the Titanic.
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It was another famous boat like a structure of it and there was a little Winston Churchill in the corner and he asked me to stroke Winston Churchill's head and that's when things got really weird.
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And then I looked at my phone I had no data I had no signal and I was really scared.
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And so I I saw the little Winston Churchill and he goes, "Yeah, stroke his head three times."
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And I was like, "This is getting really weird, but okay."
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I stroked Winston Churchill's head three times and this trap door opened and it was so cool.
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And I'll share I'll share the rest of it later.
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But anyway, my point being I love trap doors.
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Um you also have you also have not trap doors I love secret doors. I love dungeons. Okay. Yeah, I love dungeons. Yeah. I'm from London. Sick.
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The dungeons dungeons are a big thing in London.
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The London Dungeon is a great attraction for anyone who's wondering.
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But you also have two toilets. I have two toilets.
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Can you can you explain that too?
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Wow, you really got to come over to my house. You got to see all this.
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Yeah, I'm I'm very fascinated by aesthetic and places. Yeah, I love it.
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Okay, so in our bedroom upstairs, there's one bathroom and the other bedrooms are farther away and my husband and I get up all night long with the baby we used to.
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Now he sleeps he's great.
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But we used to get up all night long and every time I had to pee, Daryl would have to pee at the same time and I'd be like, "Get up. It's my turn."
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And I remember in this new house, we literally like built rooms from scratch and they had a bidet next to the bathroom and I was like, "We'll never use that."
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But there was an extra hole and then I saw the dream and I was like, "I have an extra toilet."
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And I was to the plumber I was like, "Can you pop both of these next to each other?"
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And he was like, "What are you talking about?"
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I was like, "Just right there right next to each other."
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And he like laughed and thought I was joking.
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I was like, "Get it done."
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And he did, and it was the best decision ever.
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Like, if you're really close with your husband, like my like we're we're tight. We're closer than most.
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We like pee together, and it's the best bonding time ever.
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Like I don't know, we're not nasty with it, but like it's it blew up, and the whole world was like, "Ew."
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And I have couple friends that are they're older than Daryl and I are. We're young. We got lucky.
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We met each other like 22.
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But they're like, "You pee in the same room as your husband?"
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I'm like, "Oh, he'll chill with me if I'm going number two.
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Like we hang out, you know?
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Like We don't do it at the same time, but yeah. We're close. Well well, thank you.
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We wanted to start there. Yeah.
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So now now everything goes deep. There's my bathroom. Yeah. But no, I love it.
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Thank you, and thank you for letting us into your home.
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I've I've been loving following you on TikTok for that reason.
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It's just it's so nice getting to know someone and then meeting someone in person and going, "Oh, you're you're even more wonderful in person."
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It's it's a great feeling, so.
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Um but but I I want to go through parts of your journey that that I thought would be interesting to us and you and just everything you talk about when it comes to mental health, and you talk about like toxic relationships, and I just love your openness and vulnerability in a way that I know my community and audience really needs that insight.
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Uh but I want to go all the way back to Nantucket, which is where you grew up, right? And that yeah.
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And I'm like, you know, that the feedback that I always hear about is like, "It's the cutest town."
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Or you know, it's like Tell me about what it was like growing up there for you, and you know, what you dreamed of at that time. The world was so small. Everything was so small. The buildings are small.
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So when we would go off island, which was like travel anywhere else, we're like, "Oh, you going off island?"
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Um like the buildings were huge, and there's like traffic lights.
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We're used to stop signs.
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So everywhere else felt huge, and I still get scared when I go to New York.
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I'm like, "Whoa, these buildings are way too tall."
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Um and like when we park in a parking garage, I have full panic cuz I'm like, "Well, well, we're going to be late.
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We have to find a parking spot and get a ticket." It's a whole thing.
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But, Nantucket was great and growing up there though, there's there's no mall, there's no place for kids to hang out.
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So, you start drinking and doing drugs at like 14. Wow.
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And like hooking up at a very young age.
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And like when I look back at stuff that we did, I'm like, "How was I not murdered or kidnapped or like how am I not a full-blown drug addict?" A lot of my friends are.
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And even my brother had problems with alcohol and drugs, but he managed it so well that we were like, "You don't have a problem, you're just fun, you know?"
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And then recently, he was like, "Okay, I need to be sober." Wow.
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So, it was It's like if you made it off that rock, like you won. Like you survived.
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So, it was a crazy place to live.
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It's It's so different when I grew up in London, which is obviously this big city, and you're always around big buildings, and then I moved to New York, and I've lived in Mumbai, and now I live in LA.
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So, I've always been moving from big city to big city. You got that tough. Like you can handle it.
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Well, you can handle the city, but there's there's also it takes a lot more effort to feel grounded or to be in nature, or you know, that took a lot of training.
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Took a lot of training for me to adapt to that.
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And I also find that you know, when you when you're talking about I went to Montana recently, and and that's where when I was speaking to a lot of the uh people that lived in the area, and a lot of the kids there were saying they'd never left. Yeah.
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And they were saying that they all went to the same salon on a Saturday evening, and they that one of them went to NYU for the summer, but then she moved back, and she'd like she'd never seen a Chipotle before she'd Yeah.
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moved out of town, and all that kind of stuff.
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And And it's always interesting to me because we grow up in such bubbles, where you think everyone thinks like you, and everyone's living like you.
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When was the first time that that bubble kind of was burst or changed or switched?
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What was the experience where you're like, "Oh, wow, there's a whole world, and people who think differently and Um I mean when my parents started bringing me to songwriting conventions, like songwriting competitions, and I would travel.
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Like my my brothers got a gift, well, it'd be a whole family thing. I've two brothers.
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So, for Christmas one year they're like, "We're going to go to California and have Meghan go to this songwriting thing with ASCAP and the boys would get to go to the zoo."
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You know, so it'd always be a family thing, but they would make sure the boys got to do something fun, too.
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But I I I remember like traveling with my family and seeing Hollywood and I was like ew, but like but like oh, it's it's a little different than the movies.
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But then I lived in Nashville for a year by myself and that was my college.
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I was 19 and I was like a songwriter.
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I would drive to work at noon and I'd write a song and I'd come home by myself.
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And I did that for a year and then wrote All About That Bass and got signed and like had to move to LA at 19.
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So, a lot of my friends were like in college and went home for the summer and I was like I didn't I don't know.
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I feel like I missed a lot of learning steps and relationships.
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Like if I like there there there's a whole friend group out there that I would have had that I don't know them, you know, cuz I just went to work.
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But I wouldn't have it any other way. Like we did it.
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That's yeah, that's yeah, that's there's there's definitely differences that I'm frustrated with.
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Like I don't know how to do taxes.
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I don't know how to do many things because at 19 all of a sudden there was a team that did it for me. Yeah.
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And so when like I don't know.
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There's simple tasks that I'm like I can't can't imagine doing that that I feel my I'm working with my therapist on it. I feel stupid sometimes.
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I feel silly and like and she's like you're not stupid. Like look around.
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And I'm like, "Yeah, but there's simple things I can't figure out. Geography.
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I don't know where anything is.
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I don't know where I am Well, Meghan, I want to I want to share something with you.
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I promise you that most people who enter college don't know how to do their taxes. Okay, good.
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I know what No what the the problem I'll be honest with you, me included.
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And I I went to I went to Cass Business School.
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Like, I don't know how to do my own taxes because Okay, good.
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because And the reason I say that is because you're just never trained in the simple things.
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Like, it's it's sad, but no one knows how to get a mortgage or how to, you know, how to get their taxes.
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Like, you don't know these until you have to do it.
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And then when you have to do it, you figure it out.
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Like, for me, I had to learn a whole new system when I moved to the US.
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So, just about when I figured So, I moved to the US when I was 28. And so I'm 28. Yeah. Oh, there we go. Yeah.
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But you moved to LA when you were 19, so Yeah, yeah.
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A little bit different experience.
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But yeah, no, I I moved to the US 6 years ago when I was 28.
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And it was like, I just figured out how to do taxes in London.
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And then I moved and had to figure it all out again.
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And so I you know, I don't think you should be so hard on yourself because because I'd be honest with you and say I don't think most people know how to do the things you just mentioned. Yeah. I thought everyone knew.
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But when you look at that experience, when you talk about going to songwriting competitions Yeah.
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it's really interesting because competition often turns people off art.
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And it can often be a challenge where it's like you're competing at something and then often you lose taste for I remember I swam a lot when I was in college and and high school and I was a pretty good swimmer and my parents really wanted me to be a competitive swimmer and I hated the competitive side of swimming.
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I love competition in other areas of my life.
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I just didn't enjoy it in the water.
14:57
For you, what was that experience like of because that was even younger than 19, right?
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You're going to these competitions with other kids. Yeah, with other kids.
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even kids, it was adults. A- Oh, wow.
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Like, it ranged from my age, 17, to like 55.
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Where they're like, I still want to be a songwriter and here's my chance.
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And I would like always write on my CDs before we played it.
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I'd be like, I produced it myself.
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Like, be easy on the production.
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And I was like, I was a little young girl, I don't know what I'm doing here, and they would critique your songs in front of everyone.
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So, it wasn't like we were So, it's like it's like America's Got Talent, kind of, but for songwriting.
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Yeah, but for songwriting, and if you won, you got signed.
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And my second year I did it, and I was like, "Dad, I don't want to go back."
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And he's like, "Your album's way better now. Let's go back."
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The second year I got signed, and everyone's like, "Megan's the one that got picked this year."
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And I was like, "I did it!" That's amazing.
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Do you remember any feedback from the first year that like stayed with you or like My lyrics didn't make sense cuz they didn't My production was bad, and but they saw potential.
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They're like, "It's in there.
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You just got to be better at Like, maybe you shouldn't have said that here, or this doesn't really rhyme, and blah blah blah."
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And I was like, "They don't know anything. Like, Dad, they suck."
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Um, but then I went home and I wrote a whole new album and sent it in, and then it was like night and day, and they're like, "Wow, you took our notes, and you came back."
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So, it was great, and everyone should do it.
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And it sucked, and it was great.
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But, and my parents would make fun of me cuz I'd be like, "I don't want to go."
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And they would drag me, and then I when I'd be like when I'd go, I'd be like, "That was the best thing ever. I rock." And they're like, "See?"
16:29
How How do people get that courage though?
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Because I feel that Supportive parents. You That was it? That was it. Really?
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My parents believed in me so much, and I was bad.
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Like, I wasn't horrific, but I was bad.
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Like, I hear the songs now, and I'm like, "What were you guys thinking?"
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And my mom like, nowadays, she's like, she's still trying to get those songs cut.
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Like, they're Sorry, not cut.
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A lot of people don't know what that's what that means.
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When I say like, "Get a song cut," I mean another artist sing it.
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So, she's still trying to like sell those songs, and I'm like, "Mom, they're embarrassing."
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Like, there's sometimes those songs will get pitched, and they'll get cut, and she's like, "I knew it.
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Like, I knew you were good back then."
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And I'm like, "Wow, you really believed in me."
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And my parents are those parents that are like, "Everyone should go to college."
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And for me, they were like, "Go to work.
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Like, go be a songwriter.
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This is what you're good at.
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You're going to do this forever.
17:19
What How do you think they noticed that?
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Like, what was it in you because obviously And that's wonderful to hear that, but they obviously saw something and they saw a habit, a trait, a pattern, some work ethic. What did they see?
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I think my work ethic at a young age like I wasn't getting all A's in school, but I'd get like B minuses and C's and whatever, but I would come home after school every single day and I would use the production that my dad would get me at Christmas time.
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I'd use my computer and I would be in GarageBand to Logic and I would write a song after school every day and I'd play it for them by dinner time.
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So, in like 4 hours I would write and produce a whole song and be like, check this out.
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And it was me like loving what I'm doing.
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It didn't feel like work, but it was also me showing my parents like, thank you for buying this for me and like, I'm going to make you proud with this someday.
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And my dad My dad was like, this is the credit card where I'm buying all your stuff on.
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You can pay me back later when you're successful songwriter.
18:17
I'm like, I'm going to buy you a house, so. There you go.
18:21
How do How does it feel now that you're a mom?
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Like, how does that feel?
18:23
Like, how are you taking parts of those gifts that your parents gave you to pass them on and like here today, but like Yeah, I was I heard she was going to come.
18:36
I was really hoping to meet her.
18:36
I know, but we're trying to be nice with COVID and like keep like we're always like, pick one person and yeah.
18:41
But she uh she's my assistant full blown now.
18:47
Like, uh cuz What's that like? It's the best. It's the greatest.
18:49
I'm lucky and I have a cool mom.
18:50
A lot of people don't like their moms, but my mom is my best friend, my husband's best friend.
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They are the same person.
18:56
I think I married my mom. Wow.
18:57
And um they like could finish each other's sentences. It's crazy. that. He's He's sweet. He's so sweet. Yeah, he's amazing.
19:04
They uh she's my full assistant because when I had like assistants, I've only had two.
19:09
One was my best friend and then the second one became my best friend. Wow.
19:13
And it's I just like it gets uncomfortable.
19:15
It's like I don't want to ask you to go get my groceries, but my mom's like, "I'm getting groceries.
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You want me to get some for you?" I'm like, "Yes, please."
19:23
Like, she's doing it anyways, you know?
19:26
My mom was always my assistant forever, but she's not. She's just a loving mom. Yeah.
19:30
But it's the greatest, and I think having the supportive family is the only reason why I'm here. I mean, I know it is. Yeah.
19:36
That's why I keep them close.
19:36
And how do you try and do that in your own way now?
19:40
Like, how are you doing that for your kids apart from building them amazing uh water slides?
19:43
My kid sees my his uncles every day cuz they live in my house.
19:49
So, I'm he's surrounded by family all the time.
19:52
And I think that's a part of his speech delay. Yeah.
19:54
It's like like literally they're like, "Is he the only baby here?" I'm like, "Mhm."
20:00
It's all adults, and we all give him whatever he wants immediately.
20:02
They're like, "So, let's wait till he asks, and then you may give him his snack." I'm like, "Love that."
20:10
Yeah, it's a matter of too much love.
20:12
But, um I also want to give him three siblings. Like, blah blah blah. Immediately. Yes. Yeah.
20:17
So, you're working on that. Working on that.
20:19
I think December I'm going to try to get knocked up. I love it. Hope. Yeah.
20:23
I feel like for so many people family is their contention point, right?
20:28
Like, that's where they experience toxicity.
20:29
It's where they experience Could be turkey.
20:32
generational negative patterns and trauma.
20:36
Whereas you have this beautiful setup, and you're working on it.
20:38
Obviously, it's not just like that.
20:39
What do you think your parents or your family has done right over time to maintain that?
20:45
When you just said that your your kid's surrounded by uncles, and like that's so beautiful when it works. Yeah.
20:51
And then there's so many people who have What is it that you think your parents did differently?
20:54
What did Or what have you observed?
20:56
I'm intrigued because I think that could be huge for people.
20:58
I'm breaking a lot of uh generational trauma and generational patterns, which I've learned with my therapist.
21:07
Um Shout out to your We were Shout out to my therapist.
21:11
Um my new song I said my therapist told me to write you a letter and she's like, "You put what?"
21:15
I was like, "Yeah, I wrote about it."
21:17
Um but as I've learned about like why I am who I am, it makes sense through my parents.
21:25
Like no one's perfect in my family.
21:25
We look great but there is some darkness.
21:29
There's some clouds and and I've just trying my very best to break all of that.
21:34
And my mom is so good at adjusting and learning and seeing like, "Oh, we can change.
21:40
We're not like this forever."
21:42
Like my mom side of the family, they never talk about what's bothering them.
21:46
We call it Her last name was Jackanowski.
21:49
So we call it the Jackanowski secrets and they never bring up how they really feel and I'm like, "We're not going to Jackanowski secret this.
21:56
We're going to talk right about it.
21:57
Here's how you make me feel." Yeah.
21:59
And um that has My mother has changed significantly.
22:01
The only category where she's still lacking is the self-talk, self-love. Right. Bad. Bad. Yeah.
22:07
Which is where I got it from.
22:10
And she knows so she's like, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
22:13
Like she won't take a picture.
22:13
Like she'll say, "The camera will break." I'm like, "What? That's so aggressive."
22:17
Like she's so mean on her and on her hard on herself and I and she's a part of that generation too that like refuses to get therapy. And my dad.
22:27
I told them recently I was like, "You would both benefit very well if you had therapy."
22:31
And they were like, "I know what's wrong with me.
22:33
I don't need to talk about it." Yeah.
22:35
I'm like, "Oh my god, you're so lost."
22:37
Like So I'm trying to slowly get them into therapy and and I've noticed my brothers now they're close to their 30s.
22:43
They have all woken up and seen like, "Oh, we have alcohol abuse in our family. I should be sober."
22:51
And that's what my brother has done and he's like an amazing human now.
22:54
He was great before but he was poisoned, you know? Yes. Yes.
22:59
And then even my younger brother like he's just They're they've grown up so much and I think it's by watching me change my ways and change the patterns of the family and break those bad habits. Yeah.
23:11
That we can us millennials, man, we're doing some work.
23:14
It's exhausting but someone's got to do it because I will not have my kids have these bad patterns. Yeah. You know what I mean?
23:22
They'll just have other ones now because of you.
23:24
Yeah, they'll make up their new stuff.
23:25
Yeah, yeah, no, but that's I I love hearing that and it's it's wonderful to understand that everyone is needing help from an individual if you want to change an area of your life.
23:36
Like I just feel like one of the things I'm certain about is that if I'm serious about something I better be accountable to someone else in that area of my life, whether that's a therapist, a coach, a personal trainer, whatever it may be. Yeah.
23:50
And I think if you're privileged enough and accessible enough to have that help in your life, it can make a huge difference.
23:55
But knowing that your parents aren't doing it yet, yet they are using the language of yeah, yeah, you She's much better.
24:04
Yeah, she's using the language, she understands it.
24:06
bro My dad's 20 years older than my mom. Wow.
24:08
So yeah, he's like 74 and she's 54.
24:12
So she's cool young hip kids and my dad's like, "This is how it always is." I'm like, "Oh, no."
24:18
But he's sweet and great. I love that.
24:20
In in the beginning of your journey in music, today we know that a lot of your relationships inspire you just said that, you know, your therapist told you to write a letter and so like you you hear the toxic or poor relationships you've been in that have inspired music.
24:34
What was different about what inspired you back then and what inspires you now?
24:38
Like do you do you ever think about that?
24:39
Like what inspired your songwriting then and now?
24:42
Well, back then I was a songwriter writing for other artists.
24:46
So I was thinking like, "What's not on the radio and what what could be on the radio?"
24:53
But I when I wrote All About That Bass, it was like a joke.
24:56
Like it was like I was like, "No one's going to cut this.
25:00
We've wasted a day of work, and we'll just write a therapy song for us."
25:01
Like, cuz the co-writer was like a man, and it was the first time meeting him.
25:07
So, it's kind of like a blind date, and you're like, "Where did you grow up?
25:10
How were you like" and we were both were like, "We were chubby kids, and we had to learn how to love ourselves."
25:16
And I was like, "How funny would it be if I was like, I ain't no size, too, but I can shake it, shake it."
25:22
And I'm like, "I'm not a confident dancer that dances in front of everyone, but imagine if I was." Yeah.
25:27
And I remember being like, "I'll sing the demo, who cares?"
25:28
And it was like a raw demo with no autotune and nothing, but the lyrics hit so many people that they're like, "This is going to be huge. Who's singing it?
25:36
We'll just let her do it."
25:39
So, it was really from like a a weird raw place.
25:42
Like, I wasn't chasing radio.
25:44
I wasn't And I fell into that before when you talk about competition, I didn't know about charts and all that stuff.
25:51
When they're like, "You're number one." I was like, "Fantastic!" Yeah. Like, what is that?
25:55
Like, number one everyone they're like everywhere.
25:57
I was like, "Well, that was easy."
25:59
So, then anytime I did another song, I was like, "It's not number one everywhere, what do you mean?"
26:04
Like And then I was like, "Well, maybe I'm not doing what's on the radio."
26:06
And then I caught myself chasing radio and just falling on my face.
26:12
So, with this new album, taking it back, I was like, "I'm going to go back to when I did doo-wop and just didn't care about any charts and anything and just do me." Yeah.
26:19
And you'll hear that come out.
26:21
And the first song they put out was a emo toxic relationship song. I was like, "Oh, okay." Coming out passionate. Yeah.
26:28
And so, it sounds like it's always been a raw emotion that's that's gone out.
26:32
And now you're taking it back and you're going back to that and you're really earning that.
26:36
Like, with this with this new album, would you say that we're hearing you through the healing process?
26:41
Are we hearing you healed?
26:42
Are we hearing you I think you're hearing you're hearing you're hearing a healed, mature mother who um is just ruthlessly honest, you know?
26:54
Like one song, Don't I Make It Look Easy, that I teased today on my Instagram, um, is like talking about, Don't I Make This Look Easy?
27:02
Like everything's perfect.
27:02
Cuz everyone who interviews me is like, you are so fun and you have the best family and best life.
27:07
And I'm like, I cry so much.
27:09
You just don't know it cuz I don't film myself and post it, you know?
27:11
So I say in the first verse like, I posted a picture, I read all the comments, I hearted the good ones, and if I'm being honest, I probably spent an hour on it. Yeah.
27:21
I'm like, and it's just like a fun way of being ruthlessly honest.
27:26
Ruthlessly, that's not a word. A brutally honest. Yeah. Yeah.
27:31
What's your take on that, what you just said of like, there's a lot of people who will say, oh, well, if we're not taking pictures of ourselves crying and our videos of ourselves crying and posting it, we're only posting the highlight reel.
27:41
Like we hear this all the time.
27:43
What's your personal take on what showing up authentically means to you? Uh.
27:49
I just noticed when I do talk about my fun, private person stuff, like my bathrooms, goes viral. Mhm. People love it. People are like, what? She's goofy? I'm like, mhm.
27:57
And and it's always a good reaction, which feels great.
27:59
Like I use that as my therapy of like, oh, the world likes me for just who I am.
28:04
So I'm just going to do that.
28:06
And the more I did that, like literally the more popular I got, or the more people wanted to talk to me.
28:12
The more I just like talk That's why I did the podcast cuz we talk about private stuff that I'm like, normalize it.
28:18
Like I have hard poops, you know?
28:20
Like and it it just it makes I think it's more relatable and people are like, I have that problem, too.
28:25
That's And the first place I saw that was my mental health.
28:28
When I saw Carson Daly on the Today show explain a full panic attack, my mom didn't understand what was happening to me, my best friend.
28:35
She couldn't understand, she couldn't help me when I said, I need to go to the emergency room cuz I can't breathe.
28:40
And she was like, just come here, I'll rub your head.
28:43
I'm like, you don't get me right now.
28:45
I sent her that article and she was sobbing and was like, I finally get it cuz I couldn't put it into words.
28:51
And when Carson did it, I was like, you don't know what you did for my whole family.
28:55
Have you ever told him that? Oh, yeah.
28:57
Every time I'm at the dish, I'm like, Carson, save my life.
28:59
You saved my family relationship. Yeah.
29:01
Cuz I resented them for that.
29:01
I was like, how do you not understand what I'm going through? You're my mother.
29:07
Like, you're my favorite human being on this earth.
29:09
Like, and and now she still cries about it.
29:12
She's like, I didn't know what you were going through.
29:13
And then she'll look back at her life and go, oh, I had a panic attack that day.
29:16
I thought I was just having a meltdown, but my heart was stopping that day.
29:21
Like, I thought I was going to die. And I was like, yeah.
29:24
We're riddled with anxiety and you guys weren't allowed to talk about it, but we are. Yeah. So, here we are. Help.
29:27
I'm like the biggest fan of screaming for help. Yeah, absolutely. wrong. Somebody help me.
29:36
What was your worst experience With panic?
29:38
with with panic that you remember so strongly where where you didn't feel anyone was there to help and you were screaming out for it. I was in New York City.
29:46
My first like big real panic attack was 4:00 a. m.
29:48
It's one of those like never forget. 4:00 a. m.
29:51
I was in glam getting ready to announce the Grammy nominees for the year after I won.
29:56
It's like a thing you do when you win, you go announce them.
30:00
And it was going to be live with Gayle King and my assistant, who's my bestie, still is, she was reading me my schedule for that week.
30:08
And it was like sing here, perform there after all my vocal issues were happening.
30:13
And I'm just like, if I do that, this will my voice will die and none of you will make money.
30:17
You know, like we're all going down.
30:19
So, I was reading this calendar and I was like, but how would I if I go from there to Oh, there there's no way I'm going to make that.
30:26
And then I started getting light I get a little tingly every time I talk about it. You start dissociating.
30:31
Like, you start leaving your body like a ghost and like breathing Like, you start thinking about it and full panic comes in and I started crying cuz I was like I think I'm dying and and I was like what's going on and I just had to scream cry and breathe and my husband who was my boyfriend at the time and my assistant looked at me and said this is a panic attack and I almost wish they never said that because I was like what? This is what that is? Cuz I didn't know. Yeah.
30:59
I didn't really know what people were saying like how they felt and you don't know until it's happening.
31:05
And then when it ended they were telling me what's this?
31:07
I was like a lamp a TV, a rug and that like snaps you back into your body and once I calmed down they were like I was like can that happen whenever? And they were like mhm.
31:18
Wish they didn't say that either. Yeah.
31:22
Screwed me for the rest of the day cuz I was exhausted and I went on live TV and I haven't watched that clip since but I remember I blacked out on the TV and was just on autopilot and I was like don't pass out don't pass out don't die like
31:36
don't have a freak out live on TV with Gayle King and as soon as they were like done I sat down on a chair and I lost it and all the people on Gayle King's show saw me and they looked at me like I was a crazy person and they're like is she okay? And
31:49
And my team looked at me and they're like we need to stop.
31:53
I was supposed to go do like eight more interviews a whole day of work and they just said stop.
31:56
I went back to the hotel room and I literally would run to the bathroom thinking I would have diarrhea.
32:03
I was like no guys it's cool I just have the flu and they were like mhm and I would explain it to people like it was like the movies like when a demon takes over my body and I had no control anymore.
32:15
And when a doctor tells you it's your own brain you're like well then I'm going to be in a psych ward like this every day cuz I can't control that. I don't know how to.
32:25
And then also I overdosed on edibles which like you can't really do but I did it.
32:31
I usually would take I was self medicating myself with 5 mg of weed with edibles at night and it really helped in the beginning and it would help me sleep.
32:40
And one day I ran out of the specific edibles that I took and I ate like a lollipop that was 25 mg.
32:45
Then I was so high that I forgot I ate that and I ate another one.
32:50
And I usually take five, right? I was up to 50. In one day? 50 mg in one day.
32:54
I was doing a puzzle and I was like I'm not breathing.
32:59
Like I So I tell people my soul left my body.
33:01
I said bye-bye and I was dry heaving all night and that is very similar to what you feel in a panic attack.
33:09
So going to those places twice, my brain was like, we've been there and we could take you there wherever, whenever we want. Wow.
33:18
And so I was really unbalanced.
33:18
My chemicals were off for a long time, months trying to figure out like some days would be horrific, couldn't get up.
33:27
Some and I was I was madly in love, my career was great.
33:29
I would tell doctors like, I'm not depressed. I didn't feel depressed.
33:33
I just sometimes if I like sometimes I'll just feel like I have a migraine for the rest of the day.
33:38
I'd have ice packs on my head.
33:40
I'd have my mom check my temperature.
33:42
I was like, no, I just have a flu again. This is crazy.
33:46
And then I finally went to a psychiatrist and he explained to me, your chemicals are like this.
33:52
And all day long your body is saying, fire alarm, fire alarm, fight or flight, run. And I was like, mhm.
33:57
Like I was sitting with him and my back felt like it was on fire.
34:01
I was like, see, it's crazy.
34:03
It's happening right now. It's feel it. I think it's really hot.
34:05
He was like, no, your chemicals are so messed up that your body doesn't know where you're supposed to be.
34:11
Your adrenals are on fire.
34:13
So I went on my first ever antidepressants and I used to get complimented like, wow, you're the only pop star not on antidepressants.
34:19
And I used to be like, well, look at me. Yeah.
34:24
And now I'm like, that's what's messed up that they said that to me. Yeah.
34:27
And like it made me judge people and it it was horrible and now, when I was on when I was finally on the medication, I'm on like the lowest dose, and after a month or two, I was like, "It's quiet."
34:42
Like, everything stopped. And it was amazing.
34:46
And I like would talk to my psychiatrist like, "I only had one panic attack this month."
34:50
And it slowly went down, and I It's been like 5 years now.
34:53
And I haven't had a terrible one since.
34:55
I'll have nights if I'm over exhausted or my I'll say my body's trying to trick me right now.
35:01
And trying to pretend I'm in a panic attack.
35:03
And I know what you're doing.
35:04
You can't mess with me right now.
35:07
And my husband knows too. He knows the drill.
35:08
Like, it saved my life, and I don't know what I would do without those pills.
35:14
And I'm sorry I'm blabbing, but I have to say this too. is Please, carry on.
35:19
When I was pregnant, and I told people I want to get pregnant, so my doctor I They were saying, "This pill is safe that you're on, but this low dose of Ativan's not safe. Get off of that."
35:28
So, I did get off of that.
35:30
And when I walked into my doctor appointment pregnant, like day one pregnant, I was I brought my medicine.
35:36
I was like, "This saved my life."
35:38
And he was like, "Oh, you could throw those candies away." And I was like, "What?"
35:44
Like, I didn't know what to say.
35:44
I was so scared, and I was like It was COVID time, so I couldn't have my husband. I was like, "What?"
35:50
And I was in shock, and I stayed with that doctor for like weeks, and just got worse.
35:55
And I cried to everyone of like, "Just wants me to throw them away, but they saved my life.
36:02
And my other doctor said it's totally safe to be on these, so I don't know what to do."
36:06
And I eventually changed doctors, and she was I had a woman doctor, and she was like, "That's insane that he said that to you.
36:12
These are perfectly safe to be on. You're fine.
36:14
And a happy mom is a happy baby."
36:18
And I've been trying to tell every pregnant mom or anyone who's going to have a baby on antidepressants like, "You You can safely stay on them, and nothing bad will happen to your baby.
36:29
And I never had any postpartum.
36:29
I didn't have any depression while pregnant, and my pregnancy was obnoxious.
36:33
I had gestational diabetes, but Wow. we did it.
36:36
We crushed it with a good diet. Diet while pregnant. I was like, "What?" So, no no craving.
36:43
Yeah, but like it's still like the stigma's in some of the doctors, and it's like and my baby came out C-section cuz he was sideways, and my baby was in the NICU for 5 days, and all those nurses said, "Were you on antidepressants?"
36:59
And I'm I just got sawed open.
36:59
I'm on drugs like trying to heal. I feel horrible.
37:04
I don't get to see my prize that I went through all that for.
37:09
And I'm in there trying to look at him in the NICU tank, and they're like, "Well, it's cuz you were on antidepressants, that's why he won't wake up." I'm like, "What?" What?
37:17
And I asked all my doctors, and they're all like, "Dude, there's no signs that back that.
37:20
They're just pointing so they don't get sued.
37:22
They're just saying, 'Well, it's cuz you were on antidepressants, and that's why.'"
37:28
Um and it was the most discouraging thing, and I'm writing a book about it cuz it was it messed me up.
37:31
And I still talk to my doctor, my psychiatrist recently, cuz I'm trying to get lower on my antidepressants in case I want another baby, even though there's no signs that back that that can hurt that baby. happened after that?
37:45
My doctor's like I I got the charts later cuz Dr. Amen's like, "What?
37:51
Like show me show me how they proved that."
37:53
And all the charts said was, like he's sleepy, he's not waking up, he wakes up on his own time.
37:58
But it was a C-section, that is traumatic for a baby come out. Anything could happen.
38:04
And it wrote, "Mom 27 on antidepressants." That was it.
38:10
And I was like, you know, it's the worst thing you could tell a person who just had a C-section is like, "It's your fault that this kid's not awake." Wow.
38:16
But I can't wait to have three more kids. But yeah.
38:19
Thank you for sharing that, and you weren't bluffing at all.
38:20
It was actually really blah blah blah blah. No, not at all.
38:24
Honestly, it was so Thank you for taking us there, because I think, you know, it's very easy to gloss over some of the detail, but actually to hear the details what allows us to really empathize in the best way possible, but also just recognize how much stigma there is.
38:38
Even hearing the statement where you were saying that, "Oh, you're the only music artist that's not on these." Yeah.
38:45
And now it's like, "Oh, these are going to cause you to have to find help." is on them, they said. Yeah. They could be.
38:52
I have like plenty of people in my family that I'm like, "Oh, bipolar, undiagnosed." Like for facts.
38:59
And like sometimes they know it, and they use booze to help it.
39:01
And I'm like, there's better ways.
39:04
I take my pill and a half at night every night, and I feel great, and I don't have to chug a bottle of booze or eat edibles.
39:13
Like there's a way that a safer way that you could do this.
39:15
Um so yeah, those pills help me, but my whole family that they come from a place that's like, "You need medicine." Yeah. Make you feel better. I'm like, "Uh-huh."
39:24
And the best is when like a doctor said to me, "Well, you have asthma, right?" And I was like, "Mhm."
39:30
He's like, "You have an inhaler." I was like, "Mhm."
39:31
He's like, "Why can't you have medicine for your brain?" Totally. Period.
39:35
What what do you think it was for you that drew you in that direction of wanting to change your habits?
39:40
Because like we see with so many musicians, uh with so many artists as well, it's so easy to go down the other road.
39:46
And like you're saying, it's not about looking down on those people.
39:48
It's just they didn't have a family, but you they didn't have the support. But what was it for you?
39:54
Because obviously, like you're saying that the majority of your family may not really understand why you need medicine, but you met a psychiatrist.
40:00
You've been very proactive here. Yeah.
40:03
What made you so convinced that you had to make this change, and that you wanted to find this way out?
40:08
Because it's so easy and natural for you to turn towards alcohol.
40:12
I was for sure spooked, and I um, I knew something was wrong.
40:16
Like I knew my chemicals were off, but I didn't know my chemicals were off.
40:19
I was like, my body's broken.
40:21
My brain is broken and I need help. And I was scared.
40:23
I was scared I saw me in a psych ward forever, for the rest of my life.
40:28
And I was like, well, I don't want that. I want children. I want a family. I want a career. I want to keep going.
40:33
Like finally all my dreams came true and this is happening. No way. I'm going to fight this.
40:38
So, I wanted to fight it, but also it really, really helped me.
40:40
Which is another reason why I talk about all my stuff in case it helps someone, is people like Carson, but also my older brother Ryan.
40:49
He used booze and drugs for his anxiety.
40:53
And he's had huge panic attacks that he never told us about.
40:56
Like he lived in our um, in our house and in his room he would, he told me, oh my god, I would I was pretty sure I was having a heart attack, thinking it was the drugs, but it'd be like a hangover.
41:08
Convinced and he would call it scary Sundays.
41:12
And I was like, this whole time you just have crazy panic disorder.
41:13
But you've been like smothering yourself with booze and drugs. Flying through it.
41:17
He's like, yeah, stop it down, fly, eat some drugs, you'll be fine.
41:22
Like drink your medicine.
41:24
That's what he would say.
41:24
I'm going to drink my medicine, I'm going to go to bed.
41:26
Like he has sleep paralysis.
41:28
He has the most his brain's way worse than mine was.
41:30
So, when I would have my panic attacks, I would go to everyone in the house, he lived in my house, and I'd be like, something's wrong.
41:37
And he'd go, I've been there.
41:39
I know what you're feeling.
41:40
Go to the emergency room, ask for the lowest dose of medicine that you can get.
41:43
Do not let them give you Xanax.
41:46
And then come home and you're going to be fine.
41:48
And having him like, my older soldier brother that could get through anything, look at me and be like, psh, I've done this. You're go, you're okay.
41:56
Instead of my mom being like, what are you talking about?
41:58
You don't need a hospital. He'd be like, go. Yeah. Go to the hospital.
42:01
They'll tell you you're fine. They'll give you oxygen.
42:04
You'll come home, you'll be great.
42:06
And having that like acceptance, but also not be alone feeling was like he saved me. Wow.
42:16
And that's why I do this podcast with him cuz he's he's now trying to be sober and in our first episodes of the podcast, he like you can see him freaking out.
42:24
And he's like, "I don't get to have my medicine."
42:25
And I And he did it cold turkey.
42:27
He didn't go to any AA and nothing. No No therapy, no help.
42:32
He did it by himself, which is so dangerous. Don't ever do that.
42:37
very Now we're hearing like he could have a heart attack in his sleep. I'm like, "Oh my god."
42:40
Like yeah, he he's I would tell him I'm like, "You're You're on extra time You're on borrowed time, my guy." But he's my hero.
42:49
Very looking forward to meeting him now.
42:50
You're going to love him.
42:50
You are going to love him. Even more so. Yeah, wow.
42:53
What What an incredible story and to have you both go through that and get like We've had like amazing guests like Dr.
42:59
Drew on our podcast and he loves Like he's so funny.
43:01
He loves Celebrity Rehab, so he loved Dr. Drew. So when Dr.
43:05
I've been like, "Mind, you got to go to therapy. You have demons in here.
43:08
Like let's go treat them." Like trauma.
43:10
He was like, "No, you're obnoxious. I'll never do therapy." Dr.
43:13
Drew came on our podcast and was like, "Brains heal brains. Yeah.
43:17
You need another brain to heal you." Yeah.
43:19
He was like, "You're absolutely right."
43:20
Went to trauma Went to trauma therapy that week.
43:22
I was like, he was like, "So whatever you tell him, he'll be like, 'Yes, sir. I will do that.'"
43:28
So you're going to have to write me a little list. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, "Tell him." So But it is true.
43:32
We all need to hear it from different voices, different faces, different brains.
43:35
Like be his little sister. Like go to therapy. No.
43:40
But But now you're doing that for everyone who's listening and watching us.
43:42
Like I I I can't imagine everyone who just heard what you just shared and everyone who's watching this, it's like there's no one who could have heard that not be transformed.
43:51
Like genuinely everything you said. man.
43:53
Cuz like what Carson did for me is what I'm just trying to do for anyone out there.
43:59
Cuz there's still parents out there that are like mine that are uneducated and don't know.
44:02
And they're raising babies like me who didn't know. Yeah.
44:04
And had that stigma forever.
44:09
Yeah, and and And and I look at my family and I'm like, "Oh man, like my grandparents would really needed this, you know?"
44:14
Like there was there was crazy real crazy trauma back then in my family. Yeah.
44:19
And that just goes down the line.
44:19
Yeah, and I feel you only saw it on the public figures.
44:23
So I just watched the Elvis movie that just came out and then obviously Bohemian Rhapsody about Freddie Mercury a few years ago that came out and you start studying the stories of all these incredible icons and artists and you see alcohol and you see drugs and you know and you see that go to a a bitter end, you know, and it's it's painful when your heroes and your inspirations go that way.
44:43
But now when you see them go the other way it's It's so Isn't it so cool though that now it's like the rock stars that were like our heroes, but they died of an overdose were like ugh, we can't do that nowadays.
44:55
Like health is in right now. so.
44:59
We want to make it more in. I hope.
45:01
I know I want to make it more in.
45:01
Like even body types so it's like fitness is hot.
45:05
I'm like I want to work out and be hot, you know, fit and healthy, not like And strong and Yeah, I want to be strong. I want muscles.
45:12
I see muscles in my thighs now and I'm like, "Oh my god, I'm so hot."
45:16
Like What What do you think that got you to that place of your And and it's so interesting how so much of it is chemical and I and I've been thinking about that a lot lately that I know so many people who get into a negative rhetoric in their head where it's like I'm the worst. I'm I'm this. I'm that.
45:31
And it spirals and they think there's something wrong like mentally or psychologically and there are changes that needed, but so much of it is chemical.
45:39
Like I had I've I've spoken about this a few times.
45:42
It sounds so average, but when I heard it from my doctors and my teams it it fascinated me.
45:47
So I went recently I was not probably in the last 12 months, 24 months.
45:52
I was feeling more tired and there's plenty of reasons for that.
45:54
We were renting a house during COVID. No, no, no.
45:57
There's that, but we were renting a home during COVID.
45:58
During the daytime it was beautiful.
46:02
And at nighttime it didn't feel so beautiful.
46:07
And it was like there were animals in the floorboards and animals in the walls and like so you could hear scratching at night and like steps and like it was it was hard to sleep.
46:14
And we just rented it during COVID to have a bit more space.
46:18
And so I was dying to move out and hence we got this place and moved.
46:20
But during that time I don't think my sleep quality was good and I always sleep 8 hours a night.
46:26
I'm very I don't negotiate with my sleep. I sleep 10:00 p. m. to 6:00 a. m. very important to me.
46:29
But but at that time even though I was in bed for that long I wasn't getting good quality sleep.
46:36
And so I was I was feeling exhausted so I started checking in with my doctor and they said your vitamin D levels are at a 10.
46:40
Healthy is a 100 and average is 60.
46:44
And my my my doctor said to me and my nutritionist and my health team that I have they said to me they said Jay we don't know how you're not depressed. Literally.
46:51
And I was like I'm not depressed at all. I'm absolutely fine.
46:52
And they're like but your chemicals in your body show complete and I was like that's fascinating to me that sure because of my meditation and mindfulness I was able to not be but you could be depressed just cuz you don't have enough vitamin D in your body.
47:06
Like it can be as simple as that.
47:08
Well I got a dietitian who transformed my life.
47:12
She helped me healthily lose 60 pounds which was like 1 pound a week of changing my lifestyle. Wow.
47:20
But food is poison, you know? Like bad foods.
47:22
I just saw a TikTok where this guy was like I had anger issues and I was mean and I was in high school and even though I was like a smart kid I I remember I ate like the burger and the cafeteria food every day. Yeah.
47:37
And no matter how smart I was I was like I'm going to go fight today cuz I was angry.
47:40
And when I started eating healthy I was less angry.
47:42
Like Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
47:44
I have a cousin who has really anger issues but I also know he eats fast food cuz my it's like food's expensive and they can't go to Whole Foods like me all the time.
47:54
And so and there's three of the three kids, so mom's trying to feed all of them.
47:59
But, I know that that food is just feeding his anger and his, you know, so it's super sad watching that knowing like, "Oh my god, the rest of the world, you know?" Yeah, yeah.
48:10
I mean, that's the challenge, right?
48:11
How can we make food affordable, accessible, healthy, tasty?
48:16
she's like, "Don't even get me started on like food in in cafeterias though for kids, for children."
48:21
It's like, how do you expect them to work all day and like have energy?
48:26
Yeah, it's so Like, I would come I remember now when I would come home from school, nap. Every day, bro.
48:32
I'd nap and my mom be like, "It's dinner, wake up." I'm like, "Okay."
48:35
Like, no wonder I was like chubby and depressed and sad like Yeah, and it's hard again because it's all habits.
48:42
I I was saying recently to someone like, "Our biggest crisis is a crisis of habits."
48:46
Like, our life is defined by habits, and we've just adopted a ton of bad habits mentally, physically, emotionally, and now we keep repeating them.
48:54
That's what growing up is, breaking all of these My dietitian was like, "You have to And my therapist is like, you have to rewire your whole brain.
49:02
Everything you knew is wrong."
49:05
And I'm like, "Oh my god."
49:07
And even my poor mom, like she was even trying to help us.
49:10
Like, we were that family where all chubby and my mom was like, "We're going to do Weight Watcher snacks."
49:16
But, like back then, like it's still crap.
49:18
Like, it's still like, "What are you eating?"
49:23
And she tried She tried to get all the low-calorie orange juice.
49:25
And we're like, "Oh, it's the orange juice is the issue, you know?" Like But, they tried. They're uneducated. They didn't know.
49:32
So My mom was just doing her very best.
49:36
But, when I look back, I'm like, "Oh my god, I was eating poison."
49:37
Like Like, I used to eat chocolate biscuits and chocolate bars and chocolate yogurts and chocolate ice cream every single day. Yes, and it was amazing. It was amazing.
49:52
It was like You know the Boys and Girls Club? No.
49:57
It's like a place where kids can go after school.
49:58
We had it on Nantucket and we had our little snack thing we had I had Cheez-Its, Reese's, blue Powerade every day. Oh my god. Horrific.
50:07
After school, I go eat that and then play.
50:10
Yeah, and and that's what and it took me ages.
50:13
My wife had to powerfully train me out of my addiction to chocolate.
50:17
And I know that sounds so like I was crazy.
50:21
I was literally addicted to sugar. He's addicted to sugar.
50:22
I was addicted to sugar and my wife had to completely train me out of it and it's been an amazing journey for me because it sounds like oh it's sugar, who cares?
50:30
It's like sugar's really can get really bad.
50:33
Yeah, it's like sugar's like the one that everyone gets away with.
50:35
Like people like when someone gets sober from alcohol or drugs we're like My brother, he's like I love sugar.
50:39
I'm like careful, my guy.
50:41
I literally was dependent on sugar for so many years and and it took ages to get off of it and even now I found I'm now at the other side which is really beautiful where now even when my mind still tricks me into wanting really unhealthy food, when I have it, I actually don't enjoy it as much anymore. you get sick? Yes, yeah, it is so bad.
50:59
anytime I cheat now, I get ill and I'm like like when you drink a bunch of booze and you're like never again.
51:02
It's like that and I'm like oh, this is poison. I forgot.
51:06
Like And you have to remember that never again feeling. Yeah, yeah.
51:10
Tell tell me about your you're in such a and you've spoken about it in this interview already.
51:13
You're in a healthy relationship now, you know, and you have been for a long period of time obviously with Daryl. With food and my man. With love. Yeah, with love. I love him. I got lucky.
51:24
And I'm so grateful I got to meet Daryl today as well because it's always fun and yeah, he's amazing.
51:27
How did you know that that was how you were meant to be treated because I think so many people get into a pattern of accepting a certain level of treatment? Yeah. How did you know?
51:38
I figured like because of like relationships I've seen in my family, I'm like she'll deal with it and I'll I'll just train him to be better.
51:46
And when I met Daryl, he still to this day like opens every door, drives me wherever I need to go cuz he knows I'm scared to drive, takes care of me.
51:56
No one's ever taken care of me like that except my parents.
52:00
And he says, "I'll take care of you." Still to this day.
52:02
And that's when I was like, "Oh my god, I want to only be with you for the rest of my life.
52:06
I want to be 105 and die next to you while holding your hand."
52:09
And it's taught me how to care for someone and take and love them like that.
52:14
But um yeah, it was like the chivalry, whatever it's called.
52:19
It was a it was the kindness and the simple things Yeah.
52:21
of opening doors and making sure I was okay.
52:26
And he came on tour day 11.
52:26
After day six when we said I love you, day 11 I was like, "I have to do a a tour now.
52:33
Would you like to come with me?"
52:33
And he was like, "Well, I got nothing else to do."
52:36
So, and he stayed on that bus and did the whole tour with me.
52:39
And after every show, he caught me off stage.
52:40
He would carry me to the the little golf cart and he would help me take my wig off and he massage my feet.
52:49
Like month one meeting this person and I was like, "You're going to take care of me forever." Wow.
52:54
And he went through me when I had vocal surgery like four months of dating I had vocal surgery. I couldn't talk.
53:00
Couldn't say I love you back.
53:00
I was mute for months and he still loved me.
53:05
The way he treated me through my pregnancy was insane.
53:08
Just like and it makes me like as much as I tell the world like, "Hey, via mental health ask for help."
53:13
I also want to say, "Hey, don't settle for you know, cuz there's a guy out there that will rub your nasty feet after a two-hour show and will worship the ground you walk on. They exist."
53:23
And I know it's hard in LA to find them, but I found him.
53:27
And if I can find him, you can find him, you know? Like they are real.
53:30
And it's the people you want to procreate with.
53:34
Like he never saw himself as a father cuz his father left their family when he was one years old. Wow.
53:39
So, he was like, "I'm not going to be a dad.
53:41
I don't know what a dad is."
53:43
He saw me and was like, "I want babies with you.
53:45
Like, I want to procreate.
53:45
I want to make more of us."
53:47
And I was like, "We should make more of us."
53:51
It's like that's I think that the when they're like, "You know when you know."
53:53
That whole thing is like, "Oh, I want forever and I want more of you.
53:57
So, I want to make more of you." Yeah. Oh, I love that.
54:02
That's how I figured it out.
54:03
Where did you get to a point where it was like it sounds like you were in your early years using your body as a way of validation and like all of that.
54:09
When or where are you now at in terms of validating yourself?
54:14
Like, where are you looking for your validation from now?
54:18
Where is it coming from at this point in time?
54:20
Um, I'm still super hard on my body.
54:22
Like, I've lost all this weight and I still feel exactly the same.
54:24
I'm still like, "Ah, I can't wear shorts or I can't wear sleeveless things."
54:29
And and my husband catches me and is and is like, "You're being so mean to yourself.
54:35
Look how gorgeous you are."
54:37
And uh it's a thing you have to work on.
54:39
I have to reprogram my brain to be like, "No, I look good today."
54:41
And the only thing that I saw actually make a difference, which I truthfully don't do, um is cuz I got to do it more cuz it's so hard.
54:49
My therapist told me stand in the mirror naked for 5 minutes.
54:51
Put a timer on and just look at yourself.
54:55
Day one, I was literally shaking cuz I was like, like it was already tough for me to love my body, but after the C-section scar with all the stretch marks, my family's like smothered in stretch marks. Like, it's genetic. So, I'm going to get it. Got it.
55:09
So, the stretch marks go up, the C-section goes across.
55:11
Now, I'm looking at myself like a a lawnmower ran over me. Like, I've been hacked.
55:17
And so, and there's no fix in that.
55:19
So, I was like staring at that like and all that trauma that comes with it.
55:25
But after and I was just looking at the clock like, "Please be done."
55:26
But day three when I did it, I was like, "You know what? Her thighs are cute."
55:30
You know, I started complimenting her.
55:32
And I was like, "Oh, I see my brain changing already."
55:36
And if I did it more, I'd probably be better at it.
55:38
But like our bathroom, we have a giant mirror in it.
55:41
So when I when I get naked every day, I see it. And I think that helps.
55:44
My mom like avoids mirrors and avoids She doesn't want to like have my my father be anywhere near the shower when she's in it.
55:52
I'm like, "Oh my god, I used to shower with Daryl." Like, "What?" Like she's very hot.
55:56
And I think that's what keeps her insecurities stuck there. Yeah.
56:00
You know, you have to like literally get naked and start looking at yourself. Yeah.
56:06
Cuz like this is our shell, you know? Absolutely. Yeah. This is our our body. This is it. This is what we got.
56:11
So like let's treat it well. Yeah.
56:12
And I think that's the idea that if we can't look at the mirror and say I'm happy with what I see today, Yeah.
56:19
it's really hard to think tomorrow you're going to wake up and say, "I feel really happy what with what I see tomorrow."
56:25
In the sense of even if you've changed, whether you lose weight or gain weight, whatever you're trying to do, if you're not happy with the way you are now, it's never going to feel different Yeah. on the other side.
56:35
It's like because that's just a repetitive pattern. Yeah.
56:36
When people are like, "How are you so confident? Love yourself."
56:40
I'm like, "Ooh, I'm working on it every day." Yeah, exactly.
56:43
a song called Working On It, which is why our podcast is that.
56:45
Cuz it's about when you get a compliment and you're like, "Ew."
56:49
And someone's like, "You look beautiful." You're like, "Shut up. Ew, I'm disgusting."
56:51
It's like, "Whoa, I'm going to work on not doing that." And go, "Thank you." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
56:54
And like try to believe what they're saying.
56:58
Cuz they're not saying it They're not lying, you know?
57:01
Like what's the benefit of them being like When I was a monk, we got trained beautifully in how to receive compliments.
57:05
It was like a big part of our training.
57:08
And it was but it was taught to us so wonderfully.
57:09
The first thing was always to receive well from the other person.
57:14
So what you just said, like thanking the other person because what you're doing is you're rewarding them for noticing something good. Yeah.
57:21
get an opportunity to say, "Wow, like they're noticing something good."
57:24
Whether it's in me or not, it doesn't matter for now.
57:25
For now, it's just we should really acknowledge someone who decided to compliment you versus criticize you.
57:31
The second step The second step was Now that you've done that, think about who gave you that quality.
57:37
Think about how you learned it.
57:39
Did you get it from your parents?
57:39
Did you get it from your teachers?
57:41
Who was it in your life that gave you that gift?
57:46
And now you get to turn that compliment into gratitude, and you get to thank that person.
57:49
So internally, when you think when you receive a thank you, not only do you get to receive it, you now get to thank someone else and and pass that gratitude on.
57:57
And it's just this beautiful process of compliments to gratitude, which we know are great for the brain. Yeah, so it's all good.
58:02
And so yeah, I love that you brought that up. It's really special. I love it.
58:07
Megan, this has been even more than I expected. Yes, it has.
58:11
Yes, this has been I knew it was going to be fun, but it's like we've done this beautiful thing where like we've gone really deep, and then you're just hilarious, and then and then adorable, and then really deep, and then hilarious.
58:21
And it's all like I'm like you've literally been playing with my emotions.
58:25
Uh but in in the most beautiful way.
58:25
Uh we end every episode of On Purpose with a final five.
58:30
So this is the rapid-fire.
58:32
Uh you have to answer in one word to one sentence maximum. I'm so bad at that. Okay, You can try. We can try.
58:38
We'll probably go off piece because you're so interesting that I'm going to be like, "Oh, tell me more." So yeah, yeah. But anyway, we'll start. All right. Question number one.
58:44
Uh what is the number one thing you're working on in your relationship, and what's the number one thing Daryl's working on?
58:51
Understanding his feelings. That sounds good. The boy can feel.
58:55
He's got a lot of feelings, and I'm like Dr.
58:57
Phil would tell me perception is reality.
59:00
So even though it seems like he's being irrational, Yes.
59:05
cuz he is, I have to realize I can Oh, he's in that moment right now, and I have to take care of him as if that's real, and then pull him out of it, and I always do. I love that.
59:14
And what's he trying to do for you?
59:19
That's like the the toughest part for us cuz I'm so I'm sorry I'm using so many words.
59:23
But I'm so Massachusetts like, "Sack up, bro."
59:25
Like I'm raised by brothers.
59:27
Like why you so emotional? Why are you crying? And he's like, "Uh."
59:32
You know, so he's trying to communicate better Yeah.
59:40
his feelings to me and trying to Yeah, I guess. Ask him, he'll tell you.
59:46
Yeah, I'd love to ask him. It's that.
59:48
It's the very I'm cold and he's soft. Yeah. I guess. But it works. Man, it works.
59:54
Question number two, uh what is your daily routine for your anxiety today?
59:59
My husband transcendental meditations every day.
1:00:01
That's not how you say it, but 20 minutes morning and night. I do that sometimes.
1:00:06
Especially when I need it.
1:00:06
Today I'm going to Oh, I have therapy today. Ah, I know. p. m. We love her.
1:00:14
And I'm going to try to work out. I love that. That's beautiful. That's nice and simple. Easy. Yeah, easy. All right.
1:00:20
Question number three, what's the best advice you've ever received?
1:00:23
Life will get better if you let it. From my father. Nice.
1:00:27
Question number four, what's the worst advice you've ever received?
1:00:29
I mean, this isn't the worst advice.
1:00:31
I can't think of anything.
1:00:32
But you know what we got a lot of when we were getting married and when we were having babies, we would ask older couples like That's the worst thing to do.
1:00:41
We were like, how do you have a marriage so long?
1:00:43
And the the men would say "Son, surrender."
1:00:46
Or just like, keep your head down. Yeah.
1:00:48
And I was like, well, don't do that.
1:00:51
And then having babies, they'd be like, well, your life's over now and now it's theirs. So now That's not true. My life has just begun. Yeah. So we hated that advice. Definitely.
1:00:59
That's I'm glad you shared that.
1:01:00
It can be really It can be so opposite.
1:01:03
Yeah, it's it can be really really detrimental. Yeah. Yeah.
1:01:06
Yeah, I I remember that when I when I left the monastery and I decided to start doing what I do today and I was I was my my biggest fear internally was that I wouldn't be able to serve in the way I wanted to serve.
1:01:17
And everyone was just like, oh, well, now you can't.
1:01:18
You're going to get a real job.
1:01:19
You're going to get married.
1:01:21
Like set you're not going to be able to serve the world anymore.
1:01:22
And I was just like, you know, now I look back and I'm like, I'm so glad I didn't accept that.
1:01:27
And same with when I got married, everyone was like, "Oh, you're going to have less time to do impact and work in the world."
1:01:31
And I was like, You're going to have a partner now to help you with it. Exactly, yeah.
1:01:33
No, I'm glad you raised that.
1:01:35
All right, fifth and final question.
1:01:36
If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? You cannot bully online.
1:01:45
No, I actually like that. That's a great law.
1:01:47
Yeah, we've never had it.
1:01:49
We've never had it before.
1:01:49
Imagine if it was all positive comments. Oh, yeah.
1:01:52
My Instagram's pretty positive. Is it?
1:01:53
Yeah, same here, same, same. like, this is great.
1:01:56
When they're like, "Do you read comments?"
1:01:57
I'm like, "Yeah, cuz they're nice sometimes."
1:01:59
Like, I need that little confidence boost.
1:02:03
Everyone, Meghan Trainor, the new album is arriving October 21st, 2022.
1:02:10
Very, very pumped to get to know you better, to deepen our relationship, to deepen our friendship.
1:02:15
Um, and just, yeah, genuinely so, so in awe of the journey you've been on, the steps you've taken, and how you're passing that on to everyone else. It's really powerful.
1:02:25
So, thank you so much for doing that. Thanks, man. Ditto. Love it. Ditto.
1:02:27
If you want even more videos just like this one, make sure you subscribe and click on the boxes over here.
1:02:34
I'm also excited to let you know that you can now get my book, Think Like a Monk, from thinklikeamonkbook. com.
1:02:43
Check below in the description to make sure you order today.