when do most of us go to a diary when we're having problems I think I need to start writing stuff down to make sure I take the time to write stuff down when things are going well so I can dissect my successes when you won the Oscar in the in 2014 and you gave that speech I
had a ritual at that time in my life where I listened to your speech every day for 30 days and maybe even a bit longer and it was so powerful and profound and when I read your book it was exactly what I was looking for because I wanted that speech to never end I wanted it to kind of like go in so
many different directions so anyone who hasn't heard that speech go listen to it if you have heard it you know what I'm talking about and the book literally feels like a never-ending version of that speech which is beautiful Bravo great I love hearing that translation
it's it's very true so I wanted to start there uh and and before we dive into the book in chronological order I was going to pick this out uh because on page 17 E3 you say I started to believe my life's calling was to become a monk now now I don't know if you know this but I
lived as a monk for three years in India and so when you s when I read that I was just like I have to find out about this and so I wanted to hear why was that you're calling or why did you feel that was your life's calling at one point and and have you ever thought about it again
yes uh well that came to me at a time when I was having a very introspective forced winter of a year in Australia as I was exchange student um and it was a very unsettling year for me um I was alone in a foreign Place uh I was you know struggling with my own
identity I didn't have all the crutches or things I could rely on around me friends car cash a job Mom Dad I didn't have any of those things so I was forced to rely on myself um and forced inward it was it was a real year of resistance now in that um and I was going to tad bit and saying
I think it's fair to say I started to create daily disciplines for myself um and as you as you know when we're sort of lost creating daily discipline to give you a a tangible measurement of okay I I ran six miles today um you know for me I was a runner I went
vegetarian I didn't know how to do it and was looking for my calling and at the time I was like oh I'm going to go over to South South Africa and help freeze Nelson Mandela I'm going to become a monk I think that's my calling and I talked to a very good friend of
mine a story brother Christian who's a monk about that and he was like well do you have really great communication skills Matthew I think that I I admire what you you're calling to go do that but maybe your way is to be in in what you're doing in life to communicate more
and not become a Hermit or a monk and as your last question it is something that I still consider and remind myself that I still have time to try and do it that's that's my goal I love that I love that man that's that's beautiful and I'm glad you stayed on the path you did as
you've gone on to definitely use those communication skills extremely effectively and and with the book so the book's called green lights uh like I said it was a joy of reading it and this analogy that you create of green lights uh 12 talk to us about what is a green
light but more deeply for me what I'm fascinated by is how do you know when something's a green light and sometimes do we miss them like do we miss green lights as well absolutely we miss them all the time um sometimes they're right in front of us we don't see them daily because we're
not in a place to receive them to recognize them to be aware of them to see a certain situation we that sometimes we see red and yellow lights where they're actually green light sometimes we slow down and stop or feel like we're getting stopped when it's actually no it was it was free
there was no glass on the on the on the floor you could pass through that dark hallway it was it was it was a free ride whatever that may be a lot of times I think I know that we can create Green Life engineer them for our future by the choices we make daily
um I call it since it's a version of delayed gratification uh it's a version of rli return on our investments it's like teeing ourself up being kind to our future self teeing up more green lights in our future um they're based on a mix of responsibility and Freedom the choices
we make compounding assets of our future um if we for instance because sad to say I'm gonna lie cheat still get it get a short money green light right now for me well you're actually teeing up yellow and red lights in the future because everywhere you go you got to look over
your shoulder and go oh is someone here that a lot cheap stole from and the cop traffic or whatever that may be as a metaphor if we take care of our business today it can be simple simple thing here's a simple green light thing put your coffee in the coffee field to the
night before you go to bed you're so happy the next morning just to press that button because sometimes it's hard to make a coffee when you hadn't had your coffee so there's there can be simple little green lights where you tee yourself up for for um be more success and ease in the
future and then like I said sometimes you can engineer them sometimes they will just fall in our lap um and how do we how do how do we find them I've found that we find them by either enduring through something or pivoting and having on having another
look at something a different way or raising the white flag and saying I give I'm going to live to fight another day because I'm going to fight another battle here the tool for getting that to them that I bring up in the book is when faced with the inevitable get relative
so when do we deem something inevitable a situation like now we're in coveted it's inevitable so you and I can sit here and go oh my God when's this going to end I wish this was over I wish we were back in the good old days nothing constructive than anything I just said nothing leading
towards the green line but can we say and recognize like you did offline before we got on this hey I've really it's really been a still quiet time for me right now I've been taking inventory that's recognizing a green light in the red light we're in right now
and setting yourself up for more for that to remain a green light to make this useful time in whatever way you can you're already cultivating and building a green light for your future in this red light time so in that version the another truth that I believe is that every red neon
light does reveal itself to be green somewhere in the rear view mirror of life sometimes we notice it today sometimes next week next month next year sometimes on our deathbed sometimes maybe our great great great great grandkids will actually be the first recipients of the green light of some
red light we had in our own life that's beautiful I love that I love the fact that it may outlive us like we may not even get to see it like I think that's that's some real power in that because I think we have such an obsession with seeing feeling holding experiencing
grabbing having and and what you're actually saying is that if you're planting that seed right now for that green light you may never actually experience it as the green light but someone in that Legacy or lineage will get to experience it my father died in
1992. major red light in my life red light for all quite a while I read in going through writing the book I looked at the Diaries I was like oh with him passing away the values that he had you kind of had learned from him that you were doing you know a decent job of living by but not
really why wasn't I really doing a good job because I had him to rely on he was alive he was my safety net he was above government and law to me so dad's there I'll be I'll be okay I don't have to really commit I don't really have to man up to this situation
I don't really have to cut the courage to do this because my dad's here he's got my back oh lost him oh he's not here uh oh um and all of a sudden everything that I revered all the Mortal things in life that I revered came down to eye level all the things that I was condescending
and patronizing looking down upon rose up to eye level the world was flat I could see further wider and clearer I gained courage confidence uh kindness uh um became more of my true self and was more truthful I don't believe I would have done that
I know I wouldn't have if my dad was still alive at that point maybe I would have done it another time in life but his passing that red light passing revealed early green lights for me and now in hindsight I'm like I don't know if I'd be here I don't know if it had the family I have
I don't know if I'd be who I was if my dad would not have passed so it's not about denying the red light it's not about covering up and saying oh it didn't happen no it happened and it's a red light but even the one we're in now there's a great chance we have the
opportunity to look back at 2020 the most awkward and tragic year that we can remember has a banner year of rebirth and change in a year that really moved our floor it's not a guarantee that we we use it but we have an opportunity to and secedes of those green lights we're
living in them right now we may not know what they are yeah no that's a really it's it's the most empowering perspective that we can live with and and it's not even just and you know and I know you consider yourself an optimist I wouldn't even say that that perspective is just being optimistic
it's actually being the most introspecting and like you saying going inward to try and change that experience but tell us about you talked about your father and your relationship there tell us about how that was like in your childhood when obviously you wanted to
make him proud you wanted to you know make him feel something and he had these expectations how did you align with those expectations or or was it different I don't think it aligned with those expectations for a while um so I've got two older brothers yeah um my older brother rooster who's 16
years older than me my dad was a you know he's trying to raise his young boys into men and he did a good job of that he had expectations of that he also believed to write a passage and initiations um and sometimes those were physical um and and physical encounters with him
or at least he always told us hey you want to Buck you don't like how things are being run under this household you know where to find the boss I'm right here ready whenever you are my older brother took him up on that at about young 20s and from that day on
they were best friends and my Dad loved he was looking for his boys to just it was more that we would accept the challenge have the courage to accept the challenge that was it that would have made him I failed to do that a couple of times early in my life I chickened out
and you know in Heinz decided I kind of regret that that I did because he would have probably hugged me as soon as I said all right pop I'm taking you on he'd about me like that's my boy and gave me a great hug and then it would have been over and we'd have moved on
so I was raised more by My Mother My dad became more successful at work so I had to be on the road more um he and I kind of got to know each other for the first time um well it was one summer in the middle of my Mom and Dad's second divorce where he and I lived in a
trailer park together and I kind of got to know him pretty good them and I was very young man the first time I really got to know him is somewhat of an adult was around 18 or 19. um and we we had to spend some time together and I was of age to go have a
beer with him at the bar or hang around his friends and be a part of the stories I was hearing instead of just hearing about the stories the next day um and one night we were walking out of this this bar and I remember he was rocking right behind me and that as I passed out the door frame
and head into the parking lot uh this bouncer stepped behind me and put his hand on my dad's chest and said you pay your tab sir my dad was a big man and I saw my dad kind of look down at his hand and kind of Slough it off and go yeah bud because we had paid the tab we did
pay the tab but as he moved that hand I I and and and the image I had looking over my shoulder of another man putting his hand on my dad's chest as my dad was about to go tell that to tell this guy hey Bud don't put your hands on me before that could even
happen I pounced this guy I pounced this bouncer next thing I knew I was being pulled off of him and he was down on the floor 20 feet back in the bar over a table on his back what and it all just happened and I remember that night I got pulled off and I'm kicking and screaming and groveling and I hear
this voice in my ear that's enough son that's enough and it was my dad well that was a bit of a rite of passage for me in his eyes I remember him calling all of his friends oh hey the youngest one he's gonna be okay I was well worried about him he's gonna be okay you
got to watch him he's got a bit of a Berserker switch and I remember that being like that act of of taking that chance and that risk physically um was a rite of passage for him and and that's when he and I really became more buddies and he was less my father to son
but then the you know sad thing is he moved on quite soon after that um um after I went to college but yeah he's in a few other great stories where he gave me some real privilege and freedom and approval of what I was trying to be in life yeah that's beautiful man thank you for
sharing that with us yeah it's uh it's it's interesting because you speak about in the book so many almost challenging situations that you went through early on whether it was you know being blackmailed for sex uh you know uh molested like you know but but one of
the things you said after that was like you were like I've never felt like a victim in my life and and I was intrigued by that juxtaposition because one could look at a lot of those situations and feel that it was valid where were you able to not see yourself
as a victim or what was that and how have you done that in a healthy way yeah I mean we could argue you know and it's worth its worth the world right now it's in the conversation defining victimhood yeah could you say in those situations I was a victim sure I said I chose I never felt I was a
victim I never chose to say oh I've been victimized that may mean in your book or someone else's book legitimately I was a victim so I'm not trying to illegitimate the the word victim no I didn't think it was not to feel like I was a victim and I did not I understood
when I got molested that time that that was a bad thing that that was not how life worked I was old enough to not be super confused about it I was old enough to be pissed off because I had just come conscious and this person was in this situation I was old enough to go whoa
whoa whoa I was also old enough to know that's not how the most of the world works you know so it wasn't a confusing thing for me so I was able to go oh glad I came too you know uh when I did and got the hell out of there you know another what was the other one the uh
the black metal yeah ah geez it wasn't ideal man and and I write a really interesting thing after that do you remember the line after that I said at the time I was sure I was going to hell yeah I only hope that that isn't the case yes yes yes yes yeah that was yeah that was
funny that was the worst part about it is I was I thought I was going to be you know I thought I was raised to be a virgin until you're married yeah and not only did I was I no longer a virgin until I was married I had been blackmailed into it and I felt guilt and
shame and and and and and and all this stuff and ah it was not it was not ideal but I chose not to say well that's my lot that's that's what my relationship with sexual intercourse will always be uh I chose not to do you know to just feel victimized in that and chose to try to turn the page found
healthy relationships healthy sexual relationships um and you know enough my mom was like oh no we were just trying to make sure you weren't gonna you know we were preaching that but I figured you might do it before you got married and so and that's another thing right
there what we're doing right here I think a part of why I never felt like a victim is you and I just laughed at that and on paper you go wait a minute where's the joke there's nothing funny about that but let's recognize what we just did did you and I just deny the
severity of what happened not at all if anything we dealt with it and I can see it more clearly humor is such a revealer of Truth and and and it's uh I think it's good for us all to remember and I gotta remind myself all the time and if you laugh at something does it you find humor in the
situation it can be incredibly great truth now some of the best truth comes out it doesn't deny the crisis it doesn't erase it it doesn't wax over it and say oh I'm just living in the clouds I'm a foolish Optimist no it's more than a survival technique it's
actually a way of understanding um anyway that happened right there that's that's another thing that's been real a real good uh um intrinsic value that I've had and been raised around and which is in having a sense of humor to reveal the truth in situations and the book has
that the book has that moment as you as you're reflecting or recalibrating on a lot of the themes that are there in the book and I I was thinking about that the other day that I I feel I was talking to someone about it I was like I feel that way about both laughter and Tears like
that there are almost two things we try and hold back like we're like oh you can't cry about that or you can't laugh about that and and actually sometimes those are the two best things to do about most of those scenarios in life and why not do it more and more you know
I know we're trying to raise our kids to say Hey you know I tell them a story and this is part of why I got into it went into finally went to film School in college I started keeping a diary because I would go to the theater and it'd be a packed house
and I would laugh at the joke that nobody else in the theater laughed at the whole theater would laugh at the joke that I was like I didn't think that was funny I was fine and I was not crying when people someone close died I was crying when someone was born and I was going is this
okay am I weird am I often I was like no that would lean into that it's okay and let's start writing these things down about how you feel about particular situations Matthew and and started to write those down and then find some confidence to go that's okay talk to my
parents talk to friends about them they were like no that's different but that's you know keep writing down those unique sides of yourself and that that's a good point we try to raise our because hey laugh cry whenever he said come on let it out let's be part of the conversation
it goes along with people say oh don't you know that old adage don't talk to yourself yeah what no do talk to yourself just remember to answer talk to yourself all you want just answer I love that just answer that's true that's a great way of putting it yeah it's and
actually that's that's half the off the challenge right like all of these like old kind of rules or statements or whatever it may be kind of block that thinking but what you were doing by writing it down and I love that and I love how much of the book is like literally looks like scribbles of your
writing and your journals and your annotation which which I get fascinated by but that was you when you when you talk about the concept of knowing who you are is hard and eliminating who you're not first it's when you start writing these things down that you start
constructing who you are and deconstructing who you're not yes that that was it and it was look I look at my early Diaries I was writing when I first started like 15 right before I started writing those things down like a you know a theater of how my personal response was the
situation when do most of us go to a diary when we're having problems dear diary I so I'm so broke up with me it broke my heart the stuff I won't say to anybody else is just between me and you hard times early 20s I started to notice that when I would find my groove and get
rolling on something and was successful and was waking up in the morning looking forward to heading out into the day and having good human interactions with people and was succeeding at schools I was like you hadn't written in your diary in a while
just like when do when do we pray usually when we're in trouble right and you've got to say well all right I've been dissecting my failures I think I need to start writing stuff down to make sure I take the time to write stuff down when things are going well so I can dissect my successes in
the hopes that when I get into another rut again in the future which I will I can go back to my Diaries and go what were my habits back then when I felt like I was rolling yeah and you can find a bit of science to that satisfaction it can be who you're hanging out with where
you were going how late you were staying up um what you were eating yeah you know what I mean it can be all kinds of things you can find a science too I'm gonna get back in that Groove again and it can help nudge you back it's never the same but it can help get you back in
your lane so you know this identity who are you it's a tough question to answer what is easier and and more fun is to go all right if I'm not sure who I am let me answer who I'm not what are those people places and things that are giving me a hangover or not
feeding me back or not bringing out my truest self well you know what I'm going to eliminate those from my life I don't know where I'm going but I'm getting rid of where I don't want to go be anymore and by process of elimination you end up with more things that will feed you and
feed your good wolf right in front of you because you've eliminated the things that were feeding the bad wolf yeah that's that's brilliant you've reminded me I believe I came across it when I was looking at Christianity and I'd heard it and it was a statement of like you know
don't make god of the Bible your spare tire make it your steering wheel right like that kind of right way of thinking about it like you know it's not just for a bad time and I love what you're saying there because you're spot on that we struggle to get into a Groove again
because we fight we forget what we did when things were good because we never thought when you're going good you think you're never going to forget them because you think oh this is it this is the mean this is how it will always be trust it that Hill's coming yeah and we
we remember the bad times more than the good times because when something good is happening we celebrate for a day and when something bad's happening we cry for a month and we get so immersed in that pain that you remember that pain you have a good memory for pain but we
don't necessarily have a memory for for movement and joy and growth pleasure and success and those things yeah and I know I'd have to watch this with me when things are going really well I'm like aha this as I said this is the mean this is as it should be and and
you can just sustain this and if it goes below this that's a debit but it it should always be the size and it's just not fair to ourselves or anyone else because either we're going to create our own crisis for ourselves or the world's going to give us one yeah that we didn't
ask for and we're going to have to adapt to something and be beneath that mean again and it's good to have a little map if you can of wait where was I where's my head where's my heart how aligned were they in the decisions and choices I was making when I felt like life was one big
green light and you can go back and you can see how you can engineer them by our habits yeah it's it's like I mean using your beautiful metaphor it's like remembering a route or a path to somewhere like when you knew you found that really cool path up that really
beautiful road and it was quicker and faster and if you never wrote it down you just forget it but tell us you you said like we all have three choices you were like persist pivot or concede how have you how have you decided in your life when to persist when to Pivot and
when to concede because and tell us share some examples for those that you think would help people understand well let's bring up a situation and if you can think I want to shoot it at me we can we can deconstruct these three on that yeah look well maybe growing up to
become a lawyer like you know you thought you wanted to become a lawyer that may be one yeah so I started I want to become a lawyer that was that was the in-house in family Credo that was it I was a great debater I would win arguments I I was tireless in them I was in school debate in high
school this is it family business is going well shoot the joke was you go become that you'll defend the family's business Matthew go ahead great I'm heading off great idea I go to University of Texas headed towards law school well the first two years in school what are you taking
you're taking liberal arts filling out some credits after that sophomore year you better start knowing where you want to go because you those credits you have to they have to fill fulfill the direction you're heading and if you switch your Majors junior senior you can
lose credits well I was not sleeping well with the idea that I got to finish school here then I got to go to law school then I got to try to get a job and then if I'm a practicing lawyer I'm really not making a Mark or experiencing anything until in my 30s I said I really don't
I'm not excited about the idea of spending my 30s getting educated in a classroom about something before I can actually practically experience it so I had been writing as you know and I started sharing those writings with a friend of mine who was at NYU Film
School those names Rob bindler he said he the writings were good and he also said you know what you got great character and confidence you should think about in front of the camera too well that part I kind of was too didn't have the courage to even embrace the
idea of being in front of the camera it was too avant-garde I came from a blue collar worked your way up you had to be an actor I mean that's like that's so European you know what I mean or whatever and so oh what is that that'll never fly but I could grasp the idea that I'll go I want to go be a
storyteller behind the camera now I gotta call dad mom who are paying my schooling for this um I gotta pivot all right now I could have kept my head down and just gone no this is just a pipe dream you got right now lawyer of work just follow it through you'll be a damn good lawyer
which I believe I would have been I could have persisted but I said no I I got I gotta pivot here now how do I pivot here I got to get the approval of mom and dad especially dad and I don't think this is gonna go over well with him so let me make a plan how
to reapproach this situation I'm gonna call him Tuesday night 7 30. he'll be home from work he'll have had dinner he'll be having a beer on the couch with Mom he'll be in a great mood he'll be able to digest this and from this this question better I call him up
and I said Papa I said uh he goes hey little buddy I said dad I don't want to go to law school more I want to go to film School I'm gonna hear this pause five seconds then I hear this voice I'll sign you sure that's what you want to do I said yes sir another pause for five seconds and then
I heard three words that were a launch pad for me coming from my dad at that time I couldn't have said anything better and I did not expect this three words were huh don't half-ass it oh thank you not only did you approve got me out of a shotgun and said this is
more than privilege you got your freedom here and you better do a damn good job at it whoa it was freedom and I was off went to film school got confidence in telling stories started working in front of the camera and here I sit whatever 20 30 years later
so I made a pivot at that time because the idea of continuing on to go down the path of being a lawyer just it wasn't I wasn't sleeping well it's always a good way for me to explain to me how you sleeping with it what's waking you up at night the idea of doing it or the idea
of losing or missing it it's a good way to measure kind of choices we got we want to make in life well you know I do it with scripts all the time or I really want to do this well let me sleep with the fact that I am going to do it for two weeks and I'm going to see what
wakes me up at night am I waking up because I'm going oh man I'm not sure if I trust that director of that script now I'm going to sleep with the fact that I'm not doing this now what keeps me up at night waking up going no I've got to do that project I can't go without it
it's a good measuring stick for going well I think I'm gonna do it you know what I mean so what I wasn't sleeping well with the idea of being a lawyer it would have things would have worked out in another way and probably okay if I would have done that but my soul was
itching and I was uncomfortable and I made a pivot at that time yeah that's that's a great one everyone's listening and watching right now I literally want you to write these two things down because these are practical things that you can do and I know that my community
loves stuff that they can actually do the first one here was write down your wins write down those grooves write down when things are going in the right direction uh the green lights and what's going right and how you're doing it who you're around what's happening and the
second one here I love this piece of advice like sleep with it as if you are going to do it right or sleep with it as if you're not going to do it like both of those are great yeah great ways of testing which one you woke up feeling more excited about or nervous about or
anxious about and what part of it like that's such a I love that like that's so practical I've never I've never thought about it like that and I think I'm gonna I'm gonna play with that one too it's a cool decision making Paradigm if you can give yourself enough time to really
commit your mind like I'm doing this and you'll start to realize well what does that mean for the next six months of my life the next year what am I going to miss out on uh or God or are you are you thinking about everything you're going to do with that I mean it's more of a
reason it's waking up at night because you just can't wait to get up and work on it that's another thing that's saying yeah you probably I'll do it there's there's good scared and there's bad scared you know yeah it's nice on any situation and be scared but you let your
Spider Sense to say wait a minute am I scared because this is a great Challenge and I'm not sure what I'm going to do but I'm got the courage to dive in or am I scared because the pedigree around it isn't maybe up to the Excellence that I want and that's another kind of scared you're like I
need to listen to that maybe that's a reason not to do it yes yes yeah I love that distinction between the two and that links nicely to one of the other quotes that stuck out to me in the book where you were like you know when you can ask yourself if you want to before
you do and I thought I was like yeah that's that's real right there because there's a lot of things and and actually it's one of the biggest things I hear a lot of is I'm always encouraging people to move towards their their purpose and things that fulfill them and and moving
in that direction and pivoting as you did and and a big part of that question is but I can do so many things right and that's a common thing with people like oh but I could do every I could do this I could do that I could do this but you have this really distinction ask
yourself if you want to walk us through that and why that was such an important one to write down and push out well it worked its way into a nice little Limerick riddle as it laid out and it's got you know there's different ways to look at the the line um
look too many options can make tyrants of all of us you know yeah the the devil's in the yeses more than the nose you know what I mean yeah I mean I've been there where let's say me you know after I got famous in the Time to Kill my life to the 180. the Friday before time to
kill came out there were a hundred scripts I wanted to do and would have done anything to do but 99 or no you cannot do them and one of them was yes well over one weekend I got a movie that does well time to kill that Monday out of those 100 scripts all
of a sudden it was 99 or yes they're yours go for it please they're all green lights please do them one of them's no and I'm going oh wait a minute in a matter of 72 hours I three days ago would have done any of this and couldn't do any and now you tell me I can do all of them
well all of them look great I mean you asked me to be Discerning right now and to ask inside my soul when my head is just spinning going wait a minute two days ago I would have done any of these how do I know what I want to do I want to do all of them but wait Matthew's only 2 24
hours in the day I know but I need 90 hours in a day anybody given that nope they're not giving that still 24 hours a day uh what I gotta do well for me I had to get the hell out of Dodge get out of now Hollywood and go hear myself think let me let my let my memories catch up
let my brain get reconnected to my heart and soul and get an autobond in there because at the moment at that time there was a there was a one lane Gravel Road and it was bumpy driving you know between the old head and The Head and the Heart so I took off and had to go listen to
try to listen to myself and get some just you know some sort of demarcations between all this frequency of options that were now on top of me um I don't know if that answers your question it does it does it does I was going to follow it up with um what's the hardest
no you think you've ever had to say like what was like the one which you like this was like this challenged me where I I wanted to say yes but but I had to follow my own advice and say no well the heart is no for me and I'll base this on Career yeah was about 14 years ago and
the stories in the book of when I was rom-com King yeah yeah okay yeah um they were fun they were easy I love doing them I was getting paid big bank for doing them we missed them my wife does for sure you know I mean I hope maybe I still got another good one in me in me out there
um they were making money for the studios I was the go-to rom-com guy and like I said they were Saturday characters they were easy there was nothing wrong with that but I was feeling very vital in my life I just had a newborn son I'd met the woman
that I'm now married to and I I loved harder I I I had I was could get angrier harder I laughed louder I my life was like vital and I was like boy my my life's so much more vital than my work I wish I could find some characters that would challenge the Vitality of my own life
the man I'm in the man I am in the life I'm living so I learned dramas I was looking for these dramas well those dramas weren't coming so this goes back to the process of elimination if I can't get what it is I want to do I'm going to stop doing what it is I've
been doing that's not filling me up right so I made a staunch stance and said I'm not going to do the rom-coms anymore I'm not doing the action Adventures well guess what if you're not going to do those I'm kind of you may not be working for a while and that was true for 20 months I didn't work
for 15 of those 20 months I got offered zero not a zilch I was gone I thought Hollywood may have forgot about me so it was a big no the hardest to know because I'm sitting there this time getting offered 15 million dollar offers for well-written cool romantic comedies I'm like pretty
damn good and by the way it's even better the version of 50 million dollars is a better script than the the one that was offered at eight million dollars even though they were the same words I was like you know so I I looked at those things but I said no I I made this
Choice with myself I made this Choice with God I made this Choice with my wife Camilla uh my family knows about it uh I really need to go through this dry period I don't know how long it's going to last I gotta hang on to the belief that if it's to be something will come
up the work I want to find will come up and find me and sure as heck 20 months into it all of a sudden I was a new good idea so I had an unbranding two-year phase I didn't Rebrand I unbranded I was gone I wasn't in the rom-coms you didn't see me on the beach without a shirt
where's McConaughey I don't know he's forgotten forget it don't even send another subscript because he's not going to do it it's wrong con all of a sudden someone's going you know what would be good for Killer Joe Magic Mike mud True Detective the house Buyers Club Makai be
a good idea it's kind of an interesting it's a novel idea now it wasn't novel two years before you know so that was a big time where I I dug my heels in and said no that's eliminated what it was I was doing to then find and be found and offered what it is
I wanted to do and who I wanted to become that's a great connection to that onset like I wasn't thinking of that when I said that that's uh that's that's a great connection to that because almost unbranding or unlearning or almost like you said disappearing is is
the hardest way of refining your identity because you don't know what the next step is so there's a leap in that Darkness there's that you're you're you've thr you're consciously and deliberately and intentionally throwing yourself into limbo yeah which is the worst thing
we're all in a certain limbo right now it's the most uncomfortable part it's part of the reason our country's divided so wide right now because people need purpose identity and something to cling on to so they're clinging onto the fringes just to have a sense of
okay at least I'm about something I don't know if I agree what it's about but at least I'm about something yeah yeah and it's it's it's you're throwing yourself into a limbo and then look I had help I had I had a great wife next to me helping me out I had a newborn son
which was my North Star Compass every day every time I get antsy what am I doing I have no significance in my life I don't know what I'm gonna do I was like well look at look at your family look at that young look at that young man right there that you were part of
creating and that you can raise as a father it's a brand new day for him every single day let's try and see what he's seeing or put things in front of him that are going to make him go ah I like this next day so that was that was that gave me an anchor during that time when I was getting what I was had
sometimes being quite wobbly yeah no that's that's beautiful man I I think that that is is a great lesson for all of us and it's so funny that you know when I was reading your book and literally in the last couple of weeks I've been talking to my team because
I've been coming off like I was saying to you earlier my my book space and and I was looking at 2021 and and I was kind of having this moment where I was like and it's it literally timed when I was reading your book I was like I need to start saying no next year like that's my
next challenge like my challenge next year is to go deeper in what I've committed to and do it better and and go into just immersing myself into it rather than trying to do ever you know trying to do all these things where at one point in my life it was
really important that I was trying to do a lot of things and and now well you're probably being offered to do things you've never been able to offered to do before totally and and it's like yeah please thank you I'd love to yeah yeah and I'm literally in that I'm in that
phase of my life right now in this phase of it where I'm like okay well actually I need to stop that so it just came so perfectly timed and it was so interesting I was saying to someone the other day I was like there's all these opportunities but you know it's not
gonna work if I if I just keep chasing them and I loved how you brought that back to relationships because this this part of it I think and you know the relationship you have with your your kids your wife is beautiful but it's like it's it's really interesting the way you explain it like The Arrow
doesn't seek the target the target draws the arrow and and you said that you weren't even in a space where you were seeking partnership you weren't even you weren't even looking for it and I think this is you know when you just said that like even though I didn't know what was
next and I unbranded myself but I had my son and I could look at what I've created I think for a lot of people they're struggling because even their relationship world is in limbo whether they don't have the right partner or they they don't have a partner and and
you know their work life's kind of going but they don't have that where was it for you where you felt you attracted your wife like where did that come from so I am you know we all have our biological clock and our idea when we're younger when do we see ourselves
having a meeting that that woman or that man and then having a family you know and then those years come up on us I I I've never really been a time clock keeper um but subconsciously I I I I I was at a time in my life where I assure as heck didn't want to date anybody unless I thought it had
possibilities of becoming a full true long-term relationship yeah I didn't want to I wasn't wanting to Waste My Time dating someone unless that potential is there um and if there wasn't you know it's time for us to move on and we had some amiable breakups with some
wonderful women that we just both saw hey this is not gonna we both we both want to find the one that we have more potential we've gotten to a point as far as I think we can go so you know um but I did find myself looking I found myself in the produce section at the store
looking down I wonder if she's gonna bring Murphy I want to maybe I'll say hi to her I was I was looking you know at the red light at the at a club or a bar or a friend would introduce and what I did in my own thoughts and meditation and prayers on what came to me was
it's okay Matthew don't try so hard to find the right woman to start a family I know everything you've always the one thing you've only known you ever wanted to be was a father but you don't don't try so hard to find the right woman to get married you might end up an 80 year old
88 you're a bachelor with a bunch of kids and I'm not going to judge you on that but quit trying to make it happen as soon as I quit trying to make it happen and what I was out and not sort of measuring women like maybe it's a possibility maybe not objectifying well
I don't know I was more present I was more fun I was more me and as soon as I quit looking that's when she came the same way I did but when she showed up and I saw her now by now I put on moving across the room uh right to left in my eye line and I remember I saw this woman and and under
my breath to myself I said what is that and say who was I said what is that I got up introduce myself spoke the best Spanish I've ever spoke I've never spoken I go to Spanish since one and since that night I met her there's never been another woman I wanted to to go on a date with uh spend
the night with uh anything and she's now mother of three of our children and and we've been married now for shoot what are we coming on um eight nine years and that's when I was able to found it find her that's when I was able enough it goes back to a little
one of those earlier lessons with my father moving on be less impressed more involved yes yes that's when I was I was comfortable to be myself and and give her her space because I wasn't like trying to dissect wait are you the one I wasn't playing I wasn't measuring her I
was able to be myself hold my own Constitution she was able to be herself and we naturally came together so it drew the I the the uh the target drew the arrow yeah when I quit looking I then that's when I found the one for me I have to ask do you dream a lot Matthew
do you remember your dreams a lot when you dream like well I remember ones like that um I do dream a lot um and like most people most streams I forget most of them but I have had a few that are consistent that have that that have been recurring dreams and when I have a
recurring dream that is note for note shot for shot exactly the same dream I take that as a sign Celestial suggestion at least that my subconscious is trying to tell me something or my God is trying to tell me something um and and I try to back up and go okay
I need to listen to this and you can't go to someone else for advice about it because it's only your dream and it was a dream so you have to really go how much Merit do I give this yeah you know and you were talking about it earlier the truth sometimes we don't we miss the
green lights around yes they're there yeah are we in a place to receive them are we in a place to be patient enough to make them personal and see why they came to us then are we courageous enough to act on them and preserve them and make them part of our daily habits and inner being yeah
they come around all the time and as you know you can't listen to every sign no or you're running Miracles you know I've done that before yeah and everything you know you've seen art everywhere oh my gosh I got that quote in there about a man full of ideas needs to be need some
starvation a man full of Truth needs to be fed well I've had those times where I'm full of so many ideas ever I'm inspired everywhere and I'm going I gotta cut some of this out because there's too much inspiration yeah I can't focus there it's a shotgun spread
and I need a little rifle here um and at the same time we don't want to be so closed up that you're missing them or you let them pass and you don't give them credit when they when they come yeah you know yeah yeah you're one of your dreams obviously not not a dream while you were asleep was to
become a father like that was always been a big thing for you what was it that you dreamed of about being a father that you look forward to so much and how is it being on like how has that been completely surpassed in reality yeah so because I'm not a father yet so so I'm
not I'm not yet not yet yeah exactly well so I remember when I was eight years old just having this romantic realization that the reason my dad wanted me to call the men that he would introduce me to sir and shake their hand and look him in the eye which I was
looking up at their eye as a young eight-year-old boy it came to me that what's the one consistency in all these men that I am giving them the respect of yes sir why am I call him sir because they're fathers um and I remember eight years old going oh that's it that's when you've made it
success as a male on Earth to become a father so to me that was like one day then you've made it Matthew it was always very clear to me since I was eight years old and the one thing I always knew I wanted to be now I have children you have the first if and when you do have
I write about in the book the first six months after you have your firstborn don't double down triple down on any Instinct you have man is never more masculine and clear the man's heart and head and spirit are never more aligned than right after he has firstborn triple
down on any Instinct you got career-wise relationship-wise everything you're in the zone good to know um and so then you have them the the thing that one of the surprising things in all parents I think know this is that before having children I thought it was
more about environment than it was DNA you know you have children and you realize we're early no it's more about biology than I thought they kind of are who they are I can nudge them and Shepherd them and move them their way and put in front of them what turns them
on and try to keep them from from dangerous harm but they are who they are um best thing that I didn't notice about having children before I had children is that now I'm immortal no moral hopefully they have kids and that's the lineage so now when whatever perceivable Shadow we leave when we're
gone that's my that's the shadow I want to leave that's the shadow that will keep me alive forever that's to just keep living Shadow right there you become immortal when you become a father or a parent a mother becomes Immortal um that's great advice that's that's
beautiful what's a skill or uh what's what's a skill or a quality that you think you're most wanting to see them develop or or or and and vice versa what's something that you think they've taught you about yourself that yeah you didn't expect um I Camille and I are trying hoping to
raise them so whatever they individually uh known individual ways to be uh conscientious autonomous and confident people um we value [Music] family we also value self-reliance um I wanna you know and you'll see if when you become a parent you you have to
measure kids aren't afraid to fall fall off out of a tree until they fall so how high on that limb do you let them go before tell him no no no no no no no no come down yeah because for the first time when you do that they're like what what's the big announce and they get
nervous yeah so you measure in life and it's a metaphor the treatment but you measure well I'm going to be cool because if they fought from that one they may just scrape their arm and Bruise himself and that'll be worth it I don't want to I don't want to ruin the Innocence impurity that they have then
all of a sudden they get up to let them tall and feel like dude if they sell from that that's we're going to hospital I think I may need to tell them to come on down but for the first time you're going to make them conscious yeah they're gonna have to put on the Fig Leaf yeah you know what I mean
um so to measure that and let them negotiate situations on themselves for themselves let them the three of them don't interrupt every time the three of them are arguing or they're arguing with their friends let them negotiate that's real life they're going to get out the
world's not just going to lay out a carpet for them yeah in my life we're an affluent family I want to give my children a lot of them to own up to where the affluence that we have but damn sure not rely on it yeah and then also how do we define success
it's a very interesting thing look up the earliest web search dictionary version of success to today's version of success today is about it it mentions like Fame and money and all these things and the original version talks about integrity and and so so what is success what do we
what do they want to be relevant for they're all three very kind children some more one of them's more conscious than the other two one of them is the the the the the the the the comedic relief in the family but smart as well the other one is very creative but dog on it doesn't know
where she put her glasses in there on her face the other one when you're looking for your glasses she reminds you on he reminds you they're on your face you know what I mean so yeah there are different they're just some of them are very practical times some of them are
very Whimsical they're all very very kind um and uh I hope them be that they're conscientious autonomous and confident with who they are and have the ability to you know we still say we never we never say don't talk to strangers no we travel
the world we're like yes go introduce yourself go ask don't I'm gonna I'm not gonna do it for you go I'll be over here watching Engage The World's a good place there's evil in it we have to but but I don't wanna don't want to get you gun shy about the Harms in the world before
you know you realize some of them yourself and let them engage in some way they may have the bruise or the scrape I don't want to engage them the ones that send them to the hospital but engaging the ones that you come away going ow that didn't feel like what I thought as
I said don't now you know you know so selfish you know well that's another thing I can get into what I feel about that word selfish and unpack that because I'm a fan of that word because yeah go for it most selfish is actually being the most selfless um
people you know look at what we're in now and all the change we're going through I don't know how to make systemic change I don't know how to write policy but each one of us know how to look ourselves in the mirror and say how can I do a little bit better yeah how can I
value values a little bit more for myself and if I do that you do that and another person listening does that well all of a sudden we start forming a collective and that Collective will be better it will be more valuable Society yeah so what is that spot where the choice I call it the
egotistical utilitarian where's that spot where the choices we make for us yes I'm doing this for me my ego wants to do this where does that eye meet the we yes where does the want meet the need and the need meet the want yeah where do we look as good as we feel and feel as
good as we look you know where do those overlap and that seems to me to be the honey hole yeah I'm trying to unpack and continually Chase knowing I'm never gonna get there hmm but I think that's what it's about totally chasing yet that's what our lives are about
that's what America is about you know it's an aspiration and if we have the will and to want to go you know what I want to incrementally I incrementally believe life is can have an evolutionary small Ascension but things can improve just a little bit or what the hell are we growing older
for what's Experience for if we're not you know if there's not at least a little Ascension um and keep chasing it stay in the race commit to the chase of that and that is as close the destination has a kid you know again maybe it'll be realized two generations later
you know yeah yeah there's a few things in that the uh there's a Sanskrit word called Dharma which which has lots of translations but one of them is is purpose and and purpose is seen as the meshing of passion and compassion and so what you were saying there of like that
understanding of like you know that egotistic utilitarian of like you know where is it that I feel like I'm winning and we're winning like and it's and it's having an impact because you're not gonna find it in either or like if you get obsessed with just your egotistical
Pursuits we all know where that goes and if you just get obsessed with trying to make a difference and trying to serve but you don't feel like you're playing your part in a way that fulfills you it's you know you it's unsustainable too and the point you're saying about yeah
the point you were saying about you yeah the point you were saying about children true I I found that really interesting because something I always kind of wonder about before I have kids is like fragility and like what is my fragility uh barrier or limit for my kids because
what you're saying there is like we reflect our fragilities and insecurities onto them and and I remember I had a I had a couple of friends who I remember they their daughter probably I don't know like two years old was like on the other side of the room and there were
candles then she was just playing with the candles like her hands were over the fire and my and I don't have kids but my instinctual response was like guys she's gonna burn herself like we need to go save her and they're like no no like that was their limit like they were like
nope let her play with the fire it's only a tiny candle if she hurts herself she'll know she'll and I was like wow like you know I'm not recommending that I'm just saying yeah I mean she'll go out she'll remove her hand from the fire before she's actually really burned and she'll know from now
on that that glowing thing is hot and it won't you know we'll do it again usually won't do it again yeah and you know we don't we don't we can be told what to do we can be taught people can give us advice but really we don't like to be told what to do no nobody does
kids don't even like to be told what to do no one does if you go experience something and you have a parent you have friends that let you go give it a shot maybe you can pull it off I didn't pull it I wasn't able to pull up sometimes you'll see him pull-offs if you're like
oh you just changed my reality yeah I couldn't pull that off but you did yeah you can jump further I didn't think you could make it over that Creek and you did whoa Bravo okay you've read redefined uh my measuring Paradigm for the situation now um so sometimes they can surprise us
yeah because they have a more they have a talent true more of a talent for something than we ourselves do yeah um the other thing to answer that question about what they taught me um you know when we first had kids before we had kids Camilla said to me one condition
so what's that she goes Hugo we go which means my work takes me all over the world and up to that point I had always gone off on my own lived in my Airstream trailer with my dog I don't go out on school nights I go to work in the morning I come home fix my
meal have a drink study tomorrow's work go to bed over and over and over I don't see anybody nothing also my family there wait I can't be an artist with my family and but of course the The Good the good voice the smart voice my other ear said you better say yes ma'am right now yes
ma'am anyway it turned out to be the most wonderful thing for creativity as well yeah when I'm doing as you know I've done a lot of Hardcore dramas that happen to be like R-rated that my kids cannot see but how it's been great for me when I come home with my kids five-year-old so what's
this what's this movie about and I've got to tell them in the version that can make it sound fibelic or make it sound we're there with it and they think it sounds really really cool and interesting in a G-rated way so that's been really good for my creativity to answer those simple
questions from my kids when I get home from work or why are you doing this job why why are you taking this role uh great thank you for asking that let me see if I can give you a satisfactory answer and if I can't it's another measurement that we see earlier well
maybe I don't have this down yet yeah you know yeah I love that that's beautiful because I think especially as someone as as successful and artists as you it's so easy to get wrapped up in like this is how I get the most creative or this is my Optimal Performance level
or I know how to get in the zone and and that can sometimes be our greatest block to actually getting into the Zone in a completely different way yeah I'm very much I had a great mentor of mine who would tell me Matthew you you work so hard and prepare
so hard for scene you love to go in any situation balanced both feet balanced you'd love to go in like this she goes I'm going to tell you this I dare you to start looking at life and your work right before you go into it get on one leg and see if you can find your balance because
in finding your balance balance is when you're most alive and finding the balance the the stable position is when life's a verb and you see Life come and it's life really happens you know um and it was a great note not just in work but in life go into a situation and instead of
coming in set locked in do the work that you know how to be sturdy and balanced but go into it intentionally off balance and find your balance that's beautiful that's beautiful I love that again in my head's like applying that to a million things right now that is so beautiful I love
that I love the fact that when we're off balance that's when we're most alive it's one of my most animated searching seeking like looking like as soon as you feel like you've got it you know it just Ah that's beautiful that's really beautiful I love that and you're in your
in your book in the last chapter you talk about the 10 goals you set out to achieve and we were just talking about your kids achieving things that you didn't see yourself achieving you had your life goals written out have you surprised yourself have you uh
did you always feel convinced it was gonna happen uh which ones have been the ones that uh surprise you and which ones are the ones who are like yeah I I saw that well it's it's a funny thing here's why I didn't surprise myself because when I wrote those 10 goals down in 1989
I forgot about him the next day I never looked at him again God I had written them but obviously I didn't forget I wrote them because I accomplished all ten although I consciously never looked at him again or remembered them even in a mentalist in my mind wow so
I guess the best I can tell is that oh you wrote down some really true goals for yourself McConnell hey because you didn't even have to write about they were written inside you with the unwritten word because you accomplished them now look there's some in there that I pulled off
I'm like what in 1989 you didn't even know you were going to be an actor you wouldn't even admit you wanted to be an actor and you wrote down you wanted to win an Academy Award for best actor what didn't look at that for 28 29 years and found it writing this book and I went
uh okay want to be a father keep God in my life family look live a life I could look forward looking back I had some pretty cool aspirations that for the most part I've I've have succeeded in some way in achieving yeah it's special to see that and I love
that that it was again planted as a seed but you weren't obsessed about it in in a in a in a practical way because it's that it's that Obsession that almost makes you feel so far away from it uh you know if you're constantly like looking at every day going oh where is
that where is that and you're only looking at the Oscar whereas actually for you it was that you know that pivot of like I've been doing these types of movies and I feel like I need to unbrown my you know all of that was what got you the Oscar it wasn't obsessing over the
Oscar you're exactly right and look your word purpose it's let's deconstruct that in this way for myself as well as everyone else because that Clarity of purpose to see something and go accomplished I love that yeah I need that it gives me significance achievement oh I can measure it I wanted
to do that today and I got that done this is what I wanted and I got that but it's a dance because not everything is like that and I don't if if if you have a for instance in my work I wouldn't of gone and done work that was deemed excellent I'll win an Academy order done
whatever work I've done that anyone May deem excellent I wouldn't have been as good at it I wasn't as good at it until I had a family that came first when it was my top goal I was more result in a it was more about the result when I had family and I was like ah well
there we go now I've made it acting was number two didn't mean I worked any less hard at if anything I worked hard at but I was all about the process I've gotten so many more results when I didn't give a damn about the result it's like that uh um you know best rounds of golf
you know when you walk off the 18th though and you're headed to the next Tee Box and they go no you finished the round you're like oh I didn't even know it was over the Run oh yeah you said 63. what yeah you know my best work is when we rap and I'm like okay everyone I'll
see you tomorrow morning they're like no there is no tomorrow morning the show's over I'm like oh that's it you know it's the Bo Jackson he didn't run across the goal line he ran across the goal line through the end zone up the tunnel yeah you know what I mean it's like extend your Finish
Line to or to to a place that you're like oh it's like now dealing with coven I think it's very good for us to think what if this is going on for another three years um we'll probably be able to gauge engage somewhat normally before then yeah but if I
I think that moment I'm already starting to get my my purpose and survival skills are coming to the Forefront I'm preparing if I'm thinking I hope it comes over tomorrow I'm wasting 30 of my energy thinking is tomorrow the day and then I wake up oh not today yeah okay maybe tomorrow
no not tomorrow you're wasting energy so it's a good practice I think to put things way out in front of you that are beyond your reach yeah so then they don't they don't stay in that first place you can't quite grasp them you can't they're not tangible and you'll actually probably achieve them have a
better chance of achieving them if you just put your head down and stay in the process I love that I love that man everyone that is green lights uh by Matthew McConaughey make sure you grab the book we're putting the link in the comments I highly recommend it if you
want to be entertained enlightened and have an experience at the same time it's uh it's a perfect journey in that and if you want to learn more about someone that you've been watching for so many years and loving and appreciating then uh this is the book to go to uh Matthew
we end every episode with a Fast Five these uh the final five questions and they have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum so that that's the deal and you've always been already been very generous with your time so this is this is the last thing so your first
question is what was your biggest lesson from the last 12 months make sense of humor your default emotion nice I like it awesome all right question number two what's something you know to be true but other people would disagree with you on what's something
that you're like very confident about but people may may not agree with you spending time alone and not enjoying the company is a healthy constructive practice because there's only one person we're stuck with in this life spending time alone and not enjoying the company is a constructive
stick with it don't pull the parachute in the discomfort you will work it out the monkeys on your back will finally start playing and then then swinging from the trees in a right way and you it will get organized don't pull the parachute in the discomfort
stick through it because if you pull out too early when you're not getting along with yourself it's gonna Bubble Up in awkward ways later on and you're going to be forced to go through the pendant so stick with it you'll come out the other side you'll shake hands with yourself
and you'll realize there's only one person I can't get rid of and that's me we better get along I love that that's great advice I had many moments like that in my monk life so I I could definitely relate to sticking through that okay question number three uh if you could have one
superpower what would it be invisible that's the one yeah I gotta I gotta just take the the easy low-hanging fruit and go and then and then just say okay now that you're invisible let's see if you can handle this great free yeah that's a real tester there that's one
that'll challenge somebody the most but what can you do with that power it is true it is true can you be trusted with that power yeah can you trust yourself with it and can you deal with what it exposes you to yep yeah those are the challenges absolutely all right question number
four when does a risk not make sense because as you were saying your father when you take risks you started to take you've taken loads of risks in your life you know there's there's plenty of examples in the book when does a risk not make sense when it's for risk's sake
um it's like you know an eccentricity for eccentricity's sake yeah like what the hell is that for yeah I I like to see is there is there construction is there is this a constructive risk yeah is taking this risk what can it pay what can I get from it yeah what will be the green light in
this what is my Roi return on investment of taking this risk and like I said it's not a risk unless you can lose a fight um it's not really a risk unless you can lose a fight yeah well I said all right Fifth and final question if you could create a law that
everyone in the world had to follow what would it be it's not a law but I'll say this great question for for all of us to ask ourselves every day and it will change this answer changes great question to ask ourselves is this two words I value question mark
yeah because we all you know I I bring this up in the book about we all want to be relevant damn right we do but let's not forget to ask relevant for what what really matters what's going to think long money not short money what's the long Roi what's the big Eternal green light you know
um tee yourself up for the future you know as much as you can you know um yeah I value is a great question that uh I think it's prudent for all of us to ask ourselves I didn't know it'll change it'll change the answer will change thank you so much for watching that
video If you enjoyed it you Pick Your Love do you talk us more on the past the present or the future we all do all three but we tend to have one we focus more on or do you think more people Focus cost that's right and Achievers focus on the future and happy people on the present