0:00
Cuz I won't read it anyway.
Search this video
0:03
Do you like listening to your music? Can you do it? >> I do.
0:05
I'm that person that's going to be playing my own music.
0:10
Although I um It depends. It really just depends.
0:13
Like if it's something new, I'm going to bang it out.
0:18
Then I don't listen to it again for like a you know, a couple months.
0:20
This album I've only just kind of It In all honesty, I've only just reclaimed my love for it since the last couple of weeks cuz it was a difficult album to make.
0:32
>> Yeah, it sounds like it.
0:32
But somehow you still made it really entertaining in all the right ways. It's beautiful.
0:38
You know, I love I love albums that are hard to make and sound hard to make and are hard to listen to, but this one kind of lulls you in at times, you know, the humor is still there, the self-awareness is still there.
0:48
The zingers are still there.
0:48
But yeah, you went through some making it.
0:51
You make record after record after record quickly.
0:52
I mean, now you've had some time.
0:54
What do you think was was driving that that kind of productivity?
1:02
>> I would say I'm quite prolific.
1:02
I mean, if there's anything I can say about myself that I you know, really believe is that like I'm very prolific. I write a lot of music. I write music every day.
1:12
I write lyrics every day.
1:17
Um I remember hearing Dolly Parton say she she tries to write a song a day and like I took that and I was like, yeah, it. Like >> You know what?
1:24
I I asked her that and I said to her, do you ever write songs and then don't do anything with them?
1:27
And she's like, oh my god, I pick the guitar up.
1:30
I'll write a full song in my in my like, you know, corridor of my house where there's a guitar.
1:34
There's guitars everywhere.
1:36
She just picks a guitar up.
1:37
She'll just sit there and write a song and then it will never come out. >> She's incredible. She's inspirational.
1:42
>> those songs that she's just never putting out.
1:44
That Dolly Parton just wrote for herself.
1:47
>> No, I'd love to hear that.
1:47
Um yeah, she's incredible.
1:49
But also that kind of notion like, you know, being honing in on your craft, ensuring that every song that you do you're treating it like a baby, treating like your your you know, and that's what I try and do.
2:02
And so I do write a lot, I write a lot of music.
2:03
I'm constantly writing and I pick up my guitar and I just write a song and then um and you know, sometimes they're hard to make, sometimes they're less hard to make.
2:12
Um it really just depends on what I'm talking about. >> Mhm.
2:15
You said this last album which, you know, we're we're sort of falling in love with all over again. >> Mhm.
2:21
>> As you're probably getting ready to say goodbye to it to some degree.
2:24
Now, you never leave it behind all together, but you know, at some point you probably will move on to something new and make something new.
2:31
And so we'll get to the timeline of it and and actually you know, before you even do that, how you feeling about this about talking with me and being back and how's it feel? >> It feels amazing.
2:41
Yeah, I mean, you know, amazing is such a throwaway word, but it Yeah, how is it does it feel? It feels uh rewarding.
2:51
It feels really nice to just speak with you cuz I'm I'm such a fan and like love what you do in terms of giving artists a space actually talk about some that you know, maybe in other places they wouldn't be able to.
3:04
Um I love how much you study music and how much you care about music.
3:06
So for me that's important. What else is important?
3:09
Um just being back and being feeling good about being back, you know, because it's not a comeback necessarily, it's more of a it's more of a reset and that's what feels good. >> What feels different?
3:20
How how does it feel different to last time?
3:23
What what what's come from the break?
3:26
>> I think it's been some clarity on some things that I needed to work on, you know, I've spoken a lot in in various other places about what it was that was I was struggling with and getting some clarity on some certain things like, you know, growing up basically. >> Yeah.
3:40
>> That's what it is, like I'm 25, I've grown up and it's kind of almost an emotional moment for me to say that out loud because you know, when you are going through some mentally as we do at a certain age and it happens at various different ages for different people.
3:55
Um, you're not growing up because you're enclosed.
4:00
You're you're engaged and you know, whether it's addiction, whether it's um, sadness, whether it's grief or or or or or trauma, you're literally engaged. >> That's right.
4:10
>> And so you don't grow up because your your brain is trying to let go of some and you're still holding on.
4:18
>> And that's You know what else is crazy about that experience is that if you don't have the bridge where the brain can actually process and dismiss, the body starts to store it. >> Right. Body keeps the score.
4:28
>> Keeps the score and then we get mad at our body.
4:29
So we start to do things to our body. >> Right.
4:32
>> Because we're frustrated at ourselves. >> Exactly. >> Cuz I'm in pain. Why am I in pain? What's going on? I don't understand.
4:36
I'm going to do something to distract myself from that.
4:38
It's a shitty cycle that. >> It is.
4:40
And you know, and you know, you you start to use it on your body and and and and I really think addiction is self-harm. >> Yeah.
4:47
>> You know, and so I think that that's exactly what I was going through and >> by self-destruction, too. >> Exactly.
4:53
And I would say it's not a it's a non-linear process.
4:54
Anyone who's Anyone who's gone through it will go through it, has known someone who's gone through it, knows that it is this all this stuff that I'm talking about, mental health, mental well-being, anything is is non-linear and it's also so like, you know, so so singular.
5:10
Like it is so subjective to the person or whatever the word is, but I managed to I got some clarity and I've grown up and um, that's that's really what I'm feeling.
5:23
>> I'm really happy to hear that.
5:23
We love you and your music.
5:25
You know, you have the courage to write these songs and share them and release them.
5:28
You make life easier for us.
5:29
It's really hard when we see people who actually give us that gift not being able to access it themselves. >> Right.
5:38
>> You know, we've all of lost so many amazing musicians and artists who have made it.
5:41
I mean, I'm thinking about Chester from Linkin Park or Chris Cornell, right?
5:44
In my age group, those people made like mental health issues and stress and anxiety seem like things we could overcome and then what happened?
5:52
Like, how did they not get through it?
5:55
>> You know, I think that some people um some people have so much of it.
5:59
They have so much trauma.
6:03
They have so much in the and and and they can't see the light.
6:05
And I would also say that in many ways that is also okay. >> Yeah.
6:10
>> But it's also very very sad. >> Yeah.
6:13
>> Because it leaves other people in grief and in pain and in loss.
6:16
But I do believe that there is um such a we need to talk more openly about these things cuz that's the only way that we don't lose people. >> Yeah, I agree.
6:27
>> You know, we don't You know, I'm thinking of you know, people that I love and care for who are struggling at the moment.
6:34
My friends, you know, some of my family and I think I want to be I want other people to be able to talk about these things and be like, look, this is a breakdown the stigma because the stigma is the reason people do lose their lives. >> I totally agree.
6:46
I mean, it's something that when I was growing up in the '90s or whatever like, you know, it just wasn't talked about. >> Exactly.
6:52
>> It just wasn't talked about and that's why the music was so angry. >> Exactly.
6:56
>> Cuz that's like, I've got to make this music that that speaks to this, but I'm not the only way I can be heard is if I rage through it.
7:04
And um one of the things I think that, you know, you've been able to do is find a really honest way to communicate how you feel even from a young age and even going back and listening to your earlier records and yeah, there are it's a younger perspective. >> Yeah.
7:16
>> It's coming from a place of just like a you know, a sort of almost beautifully frustrated naive take on all this.
7:19
Like, I don't have the words to tell to explain how I'm >> Right. >> feeling.
7:24
But you were honest in that moment.
7:25
You weren't trying to be precocious about it and dress it up in any other way.
7:30
Where does that come from?
7:30
Let's go back to to your childhood and I'm sure you've done some reflecting on that and where this voice sort of came to you and and how you knew that this was the way you wanted to express yourself through just this pure honesty.
7:43
>> I think I think what I what I realized is that what I realized recently is that art is a way to um to process and to explain the unexplainable, to find a way of of really saying I don't know what to say. >> Yeah.
8:04
>> And um I really found my voice through not knowing what to say, being angry, being frustrated, being pissed off, uh being, you know, think I'm falling in love.
8:18
You all these big emotions that you felt as a kid. >> Yeah.
8:22
>> And just going, "Oh my god, like I want to like sit and like try and explain this to somebody, but also I had no idea and I still have no idea."
8:30
So I think that's what really led me to um to to creating music and being filled with these like mad feelings.
8:40
And where do I put them all?
8:43
Oh, I can write a song and feel really good about myself.
8:45
I'll continue to do that to do that for the rest of my life.
8:49
>> How important was going into um the some architecture like like the Brit School or whatever and being around other people?
8:55
I mean, school is by its very nature a competitive space. >> Right.
8:58
>> Even just for attention from your peers. >> Right, yeah.
9:01
>> It's it's pretty can be pretty shitty. >> Yeah.
9:03
>> It's just like, "Wait, what do you mean we're not talking now? Like what's going on?"
9:05
Like, "Yeah, what is happening right now?"
9:06
Like it's a confusing space.
9:08
Uh but you had the focus of being there for a reason. You had a purpose.
9:10
Um how did that play into your your natural talent and help you kind of um reinforce what it is you wanted to say and do, if at all?
9:21
>> I think I think what school did in general for me cuz cuz what it did in general was it it allowed me to realize that this is like a a very small version of the big world.
9:40
And that's what allowed me to do.
9:40
It allowed me to go, "Oh, Like, I can survive. I'm all right.
9:42
Like, I don't need like, you know, these are the kind of like this is authority.
9:48
I get it, you know, and like this is what I'm supposed to do and I'm going to not do any of it because but also knowing that I can survive and and, you know, school is rough.
9:57
Like, you know, school in general like before like you know, it's just rough for anyone. >> brutal.
10:04
It's the only recurring dream nightmare that I have is a school related dreams.
10:09
That's how far it's how much it grabbed my brain and tattooed it with that >> Literally, I mean, it's I yeah, I mean, like, it's it's it's quite scary to be honest, but um it's also just what real life kind of is like, but obviously it's a lot rougher.
10:32
Um and and um in both ways like school's rough and real life is rough and everything's rough, but um yeah, that's what it taught me and and and I always knew that music was what I wanted to do. >> Why? When? How?
10:45
>> I actually got told by a figure in my life um by a therapist type figure, right?
10:50
That that I could have done a lot of things.
10:52
And I was like, "Whoa, could I?"
10:54
I remember sitting there going, "Wow, could I have like He was like, "You could have been a lawyer and you could have done this and you could have done that."
11:00
I was like, "I I I don't believe it, but maybe I could have."
11:03
But I just really realized that like I don't know.
11:07
It was the only thing I felt like I was good at.
11:08
And that's really that's something really important. >> Mhm.
11:12
>> When you feel like you're good at something and you get praise and you get validation even just from yourself through doing it, that's like really cool and you feel good.
11:21
And so every time I'd get on stage, I you know, I I was doing open mic nights. I was doing busking.
11:26
I was busking from the age like 13, 14 like around my area in Bromley and I would just busk, and I would go to these random like I would go to every Tuesday like shoutout Hoodies in Croydon.
11:37
Every Tuesday I was going there.
11:41
And um I would just play my guitar and and sing these songs I'd written the night before cuz I was really excited about them, and I'd sing like four songs, and everyone would go, "Oh my god, like well done. We love you.
11:52
Like you're really cool."
11:52
Like and then I made some of my friends for life.
11:54
And that there showed me like, "Oh my god, I can do this."
11:59
And isn't it amazing as a 14-year-old girl to feel like you can do something? >> It is.
12:03
It's absolutely, you know, it's a triumphant realization at a time when your identity is completely upside down. >> Exactly.
12:10
>> It's you know, you you you're never going to be more confused than around that age.
12:13
So there you go, you're getting validation.
12:16
But then also you have to equally figure out how to process it and not let it become who >> you are. >> you are.
12:23
Which I think brings us up to the last kind of couple of years really without trying to be too sort of like presumptuous or really personal, which is like, "Okay, all this praise and all of this momentum and all this excitement and everything else."
12:35
But to use you said it before, to to quote you from 10 minutes ago, you know, you hadn't had a chance to really grow up.
12:41
>> That yeah, I'm mind-blown.
12:41
I didn't even really clock that that's what it was, but yeah, that's exactly what it was.
12:45
I hadn't had a chance to do the things Oh, that's yeah, that touched me a bit.
12:52
Um to do the things that a kid does and like make the mistakes. >> Yeah. Yeah.
12:58
>> Yeah, because you had the courage to go out there and and search for that community and put yourself in front of it at a really young age.
13:03
What's the reality about busking at 14 in Croydon, dude?
13:05
Like what is the reality? >> Yeah, yeah.
13:08
You know, it's just like um It's so it's so fun.
13:12
I mean, I remember I was getting like I was getting like a hundred like a hundred may Basically, there was pennies, right?
13:21
So we had like we had a couple quid.
13:22
People were throwing a couple quid.
13:23
Sometimes it was a tenner, sometimes it was twenty.
13:24
And at the end of that, I'd go to Tesco and I'd put the the little coins into the thing and like get like a basically that kind of a small check.
13:34
It would be like, you know, 600 quid. But that's crazy.
13:37
I was earning 600 quid from busking. It's insane. >> That's amazing.
13:42
>> Yeah, and like sometimes it'd be like a thousand and I was like, "Yo, I'm rich." Like I'm a I was rich.
13:47
But back to what you said quickly, like I just wanted to like mention that that was really interesting and it got me a bit emotional because it's exactly what it was.
13:56
Like you don't you when all this stardom and the and then whatever you want to call it, it's intense for anybody, but also it's really rewarding and you've got to find that balance of who you are here when you're sitting at home.
14:11
I don't watch the TV cuz I've cuz I can't I don't have attentions I have attention span of a fish.
14:16
But like, you know, sitting at home and then who am I when I'm there?
14:21
And I'm trying to and I really do think I draw the line like, "Wow."
14:25
But, you know, for other artists I I really I really feel and I and I as an artist myself I feel for people who for people who find it really hard cuz I find it really hard.
14:36
>> Yeah, I I'm just getting to know you and thank you. >> No, of course.
14:40
>> Um and you do draw lines in through your art and your storytelling and your songwriting.
14:45
There's lines everywhere. Don't cross it.
14:46
You know, like you know, I love it and I love it.
14:50
But um it's clear that there was a line that you had crossed. >> Mm.
14:54
>> And that um it it it had gotten too much for you.
14:59
Thinking back now to whenever it was, less than a year ago, but I I don't know the exact amount of time.
15:07
Um is it clear to you now where things were going wrong even if you couldn't see it until it presented itself in an unshakeable way?
15:14
>> Yeah, it was totally really clear. But you know what?
15:19
I think I think nothing's clear into and for me anyway and I think this is part of the growing up thing until retrospect. >> Yeah.
15:29
>> Like I can sit here now and go it was clear, but in the moment music is everything to me.
15:33
This job is everything to me.
15:36
You know, I'd I'd I'm so grateful, so so I wouldn't say lucky, but like so proud of myself and um feel so blessed to be able to do what I do.
15:50
So in those moments of and I'm you know, I'm not saying that I'm like oh, I'm the best I've ever been and da da da da da da da cuz in many ways I am, but you know, you say anything on the internet they're going to pull it.
16:00
Like when something happens to Xbox.
16:01
I'm not touch wood touch wood touch wood.
16:03
Anyway, but you know, I think I think what what what I've realized is that you can look back and you can go god, that was really difficult once you're out of it. >> Yeah.
16:18
>> And now I'm through it and I feel so just like I just take a deep breath sometimes and go god damn like I I managed to get out of a hard situation.
16:28
And I hope all I can hope is that for other people they are and I don't want to use the word inspired, but they can go you know what I can do it too.
16:39
>> Can I say you are inspiring?
16:39
>> Can I say you are inspiring? Can I also say that can I also say that it it it's so interesting the way that you were responding to your own natural in like instinctive thoughts there of like you know, um I'm I'm so grateful, so I've got to keep going even if it might not be healthy for me, but then I also I know I'm really good, but I don't
16:55
want to necessarily say that cuz people think I'm being cocky or arrogant and then they might think I'm being ungrateful and it just speaks to this whole thing that I face all the time when I'm talking to people I might in the arts, which is that it's really hard to stand by your work and honor how you feel about yourself without worrying that you're going to piss people off and I just don't understand it. You know, I I I understand why it
17:15
You know, I I I understand why it happens and I have huge empathy for it, but I don't understand how we got to this place. >> I don't know either.
17:23
>> get that from athletes.
17:23
I don't see football players going out winning championships and going like I don't want anyone to think I'm big-headed or anything, but I just won the FA Cup.
17:30
>> No, you're absolutely >> Everyone goes, "You WON THE FA CUP, BRO. YOU'RE A LEGEND. LEGEND."
17:37
>> Uh and you know, I yeah, you're right, actually.
17:39
And I'm very happy that you clocked onto that because it's hard.
17:41
It is hard because and I think especially as women, we face a lot of, you know, like I'm going to use a very vague example here and a very important example of what's going on with Chappelle.
17:55
And like there's all this Just just shut up.
17:56
The internet's just got to shut up.
17:59
>> You know, because like it's just not It's like she's amazing at what she does.
18:04
And people say, "You didn't sign up for You know, you signed up for fame."
18:08
I don't I'm not going >> Yeah. >> Exactly. There we go.
18:11
So, anyway, but on what the notion of what you were talking about, like it runs through my head all the time, these things.
18:17
Like I've got to be like, you know, conscious of saying like, you know, I believe in myself. I do.
18:23
And like that's important and something I've got to I've got to really, you know, confidence isn't cockiness.
18:29
>> I have huge respect for your generation of artists because you're having to navigate the internet at its peak lameness.
18:37
Like like like I feel like 10 to 12 years ago when it was a tool and Tyler was like, "I know what to do with that with my friends."
18:42
And they I know what to do with that.
18:43
And everyone was like, "Yeah, use it."
18:45
And now everyone knows what to do with it.
18:47
It's become this pretty It's like an F.
18:51
It gets an F right now for me in the arts in a lot of ways, you know?
18:54
Let's Let's bring it back and focus on you.
18:56
When you make a decision to go busking or go to an open mic night or focus on this, you are taking the ultimate risk on yourself. >> Mhm.
19:07
>> You've made a conscious decision to not go into the architecture of capitalism in a traditional way. >> Yeah. >> Right?
19:13
Take the job, take the benefits, go impress somebody, get promoted. >> Mhm.
19:19
>> Cool, it keeps the money coming in.
19:19
The arts are outside of that loop.
19:21
And yet, we're harder on the artist than almost anybody else. It drives me crazy. >> So interesting. It's very interesting.
19:30
>> Look at these lyrics, dude.
19:30
Look at these Look at these lyrics that you write, man.
19:33
Go get a life, get a job.
19:33
Do you know the difference between me and you?
19:37
Well, you loved me for your ego and I loved you for you.
19:39
I There's people out there who hear that line and go, "That's my life.
19:44
That's what I'm going through right now."
19:45
And I can And I can understand that much better than I could before, thanks to you. >> Thank you. >> the gift, man. That's the trade. >> Thank you. >> Thank you. >> Oh, thank you.
19:57
>> So, you made this album and everything around your life changed after it.
20:01
So, you just said something really interesting before about like coming back and and reconnecting with this record.
20:06
What Let's talk about the album.
20:09
We haven't talked about this album.
20:10
I don't want to let it go yet. >> Yeah, me neither.
20:13
>> Let's talk about some of the fun memories you had about making of it and some of the great experiences you had about making this record.
20:20
>> I So, okay, for example, let's talk about Walk Over You.
20:22
So, Walk Over You is a song that I wrote in my bedroom.
20:27
Um I wrote this song and it and it It's like, you know, a lot of I use humor a lot in my music to kind of So, I'm upset the lyrics funny.
20:34
We went to the job thing and then we went to the job So, it's like, "Go get a life and get a job.
20:38
And do you know the difference between me and you?
20:39
Well, you loved me for your ego and I loved you for many ways, I could also talk about that whole thing as me.
20:46
Like, I'm literally talking to myself there.
20:48
And like, "Go get a life and get a job.
20:51
And do you know the difference between me and you, Lola?
20:54
You loved me for your ego and I loved you for you." It's like my past self.
20:58
Like, that bit of myself where I wasn't really doing much and it's like I was talking like, "Oh, just go get a life. Just get a regular job."
21:03
>> Get in the architecture of capitalism.
21:06
>> But even though it was actually written it a a boy.
21:09
But anyway, so um >> But which one is it written about really? Is it both? >> I think it's both.
21:13
The album's called I'm Only Myself.
21:15
Like it's like I'm I was only hurting myself.
21:17
I was only, you know, all of the stuff around me didn't matter.
21:25
I was just hurting myself and that's what I wanted to talk about this album.
21:28
It's like with the doll, like the doll is kind of thinking about like me as this like thing that's just getting thrown around. >> Yeah.
21:39
>> You know, but it doesn't matter because I'm looking at her and she's like this kind of like like you know just a sex doll, but like more than that it's just this like I don't know, lifeless thing that I was carrying around. >> isn't it?
21:54
Because on on first glance with the album title "It Is What It Is", you know, you could have you could just take it way more literally, but it's such a protective embrace that you're actually putting around that. >> Yeah. >> Well, thank you. Yeah.
22:04
>> And I and I and that you know, this was meant for you anyway was like me talking about this idea of like self-love and I think with with music the meaning for me a lot comes after.
22:14
So it's my sub-my subconscious that's talking.
22:18
>> that like when those when those ideas or those words or those phrases or those lyrics come to you and you realize that something's happened that you didn't expect that you may be able to identify later, but it right now on paper or on in my headphones or on my voice note, I'm hearing listening back to it.
22:35
>> Yeah, well it's goes back to what what I was what we were talking about before, right?
22:39
Which is like you're in cage cuz like you're in cage in your conscious conscious whatever the the word is.
22:45
And then your subconscious is like moving quicker.
22:48
So you're having to catch it and you're like I'm catching this the way I see it it's like it's like running around I'm trying to catch it the inspiration or whatever and I catch it and then it's like what does this mean?
22:57
What is these words, these melodies?
22:59
Like what what what doing?
23:01
And then later I'm like, oh well, I was just trying to protect myself or like I just you know I didn't like that guy or that guy wasn't good for me or and then it makes sense.
23:09
So like looking at this is like oh I was trying to like protect myself.
23:13
I was trying to take care of myself.
23:16
>> Okay, it was a race against time, wasn't it?
23:17
I mean you were trying to get ahead of the issues that you were facing down.
23:23
Or were going to take you down on this record.
23:27
You were trying to tell yourself something on this record.
23:29
>> Yeah, that was me looking ahead going like I really hope one day I can do this not like that anymore.
23:34
You know, and at the time so you know for example, there's like moments in like not like this wasn't meant for anyone where I'm literally talking about the intro as well this is the not this album but the album before.
23:45
I'm talking about self-love and wanting to love myself and not being able to.
23:51
And then this is like, you know, I'm only myself like I didn't listen and this is me being like I just need some time like I just need to be held and protected by myself.
24:00
And then whatever the next record would be would be something whole hell of a lot brighter probably.
24:07
>> Even the spoken word intro which is obviously your friend, you know, which is is such an interesting connection collection of of thoughts and and and and just in one voice message which is like, you know, I would not say that your friend sounds entirely composed during that moment.
24:21
There's a lot going on where they're trying to figure them their own thing out but then there's there's a message of love in there and then there's this beautiful little profound idea of how long will it take to walk a mile.
24:31
Which you think is some kind of like sort of strong statement but really they're just asking because I'm going to go walk a mile how long do you think it'll take and it's so it's just such an interesting start to the record.
24:38
It kind of sums the whole thing up.
24:42
>> It really does and it's only hit me now as well that how much that sums up.
24:44
It's like how long does it take to walk a mile?
24:46
How long does it take to get there? We'll never get there. Do you know what I mean?
24:50
Like as people, you know, we're never going to get to the pot of gold but what we can do is we can walk. >> That's right. Isn't Wow, that's Okay.
25:01
THAT'S A good one because that isn't that the great learning from the last 6 months or whatever is you're never going to get there, so you don't have to race.
25:09
You don't have to rush it. >> Exactly.
25:14
>> All right, let's talk about taking the power back then, if that's even a phrase.
25:16
I quite like that phrase.
25:18
I think that's a good phrase right now. >> Yes.
25:20
>> You know, um redesigning it, redefining it for you, coming back.
25:22
You know, you've been busy.
25:24
You've done some amazing shows.
25:25
Yeah, there's there quote unquote under plays for where you can go and will go, but still every show is important.
25:31
You've shown up at some really key cornerstone events and >> Yeah.
25:35
>> and supported your friends, Elton and everything.
25:37
It's some cool You do you know you I'm so sorry.
25:40
>> You walked the LA mile for the last month, for sure.
25:42
>> The LA mile is a pretty crazy mile.
25:44
>> It's a pretty crazy mile.
25:44
So so so how does that factor into the new approach to life and and how does it feel different?
25:50
>> It feels different because I'm doing everything with intent.
25:52
I'm doing everything intentionally.
25:53
I'm doing things my way, which feels like the right way.
25:57
right way. Um and I'm doing things that feel like, you know, I won't do like a, you know, yes, I'm not doing a massive tour, but I want to do something that, you know, popping up and showing people that I love them and that I care about them and that I'm
26:12
still here and I'm still around and um I'm doing good, doing better and I'm showing people in that way that like, you know, it's in different spaces that that like whether it's LA or London or New York or, you know, wherever, just like you know, doing a little thing here and there. And that's with intent and then
26:28
And that's with intent and then like I think also it's just it's just about slow and and, you know, my granddad, he's a very important figure in my life, my mom's dad, um says like, you know, "Lorde, you just got to slow down."
26:43
And I'm like, "Yeah, I'm learning that."
26:46
So I'm just slowing down and hopefully there'll be way more, you know, cuz you got to protect yourself, right?
26:52
Cuz if you don't protect yourself, uh there's no show.
26:54
So, I will do it that way until I feel otherwise.
27:00
>> Can we talk a little bit more about your relationship with your granddad and like and and like just some of the cornerstone learnings or gifts that you've gotten from this this relationship?
27:10
>> So, Grandad P, he's called Grandad P, and he is um I rarely speak about him cuz it makes me cry, but he's a incredible He's a He's a poet.
27:16
Um he's a minimalist, so he like he's not a cursed.
27:22
He also just like lives in the middle of nowhere and like, you know, um Yeah, he's an incredible person.
27:29
He came, did a like I did this poetry pop-up a while ago in London, and he came and did a poem, and he's an inspiration to me because in many ways he's everything I'm not and which I'm jealous of or not jealous of envious of of in that way because he's just, you know, just lives this subtle most beautiful life, and um in other ways, I'm everything that he is, and I'm so grateful to be everything he is. It's like proud.
27:53
I'm so proud of myself for being anything like that man.
27:58
And um also, you know, he's he's he's he's a man in my life that hasn't messed me over ever and won't ever because And that's that powerful to say as a woman that you've got just such a rock.
28:06
And so, yeah, anyone with granddads, savor them.
28:11
Any You know, I've I'm savoring him cuz he's incredible. >> Thank you. >> Um of course.
28:17
>> Yeah, I miss my granddad.
28:17
You know, that foundation and that confidence you get from knowing that someone's got your back is everything.
28:24
>> Yeah, I actually have a song called If There's a Heaven, which will come out one day, that's about my granddad.
28:27
Says, "If there's a heaven, if there's a heaven, what in the world would I do?
28:33
God, I'd have so many questions, but the first one I'd ask is where the hell are you?"
28:40
So, I hope that song comes out cuz I love that song. >> Oh, man. >> I know. >> Yeah.
28:46
Yeah, you're a real dude. hell. All right. Well, thanks for that.
28:50
It's my job to do that, not yours.
28:55
Can I ask you something about um what you've learnt as you kind of rediscover your own sense of self away from the distraction of self-destruction.
29:08
What you've learnt as you as you're going through this process about where that where that comes from, that idea of needing something, a drug or something to help you when it doesn't.
29:22
>> It's like I would It's the solution, isn't it?
29:24
It's It's It's not It's a It's the It's It's the solution to the problem. Is what it is.
29:29
The problem isn't the drug. Isn't the quick fix. It's the solution.
29:37
And you've just got to find another solution.
29:40
You know, you've got to find another solution.
29:41
And like I, you know, I won't talk at length about the things, but like it is hard.
29:49
It's hard and it's like you then realize, oh my god, like what was I doing? Like hell, ew.
29:58
But with with with doing that like, you know, 6:00 a. m. s and and 4 days a week. What was I doing?
30:03
But then you look back and you go I was just hurt and I had all this the and you just like you said perfectly, you start damaging or hurting your body or hurting your mind or your mental health because you don't really know where else to place it.
30:17
Um but I eventually again, like I say, it's it's not linear, but it's it's it's so uh rewarding to come out of that. And I'm I'm in recovery.
30:28
I'm all you know, I do I'm you know, this is something I practice.
30:32
So, um but to anybody out there, I think my advice would be um I don't think it's as hard.
30:39
Go into a meet Go Go to >> Go to a meeting? >> Yeah. >> Yeah, man.
30:44
>> Just and and talk to somebody and say, "Look, I have a problem."
30:47
Cuz it's like it's it's a people can't People are so quick to judge that And um >> Yeah.
30:53
>> Just judging is not Don't We We all judge, but we shouldn't judge.
30:57
Um cuz this is pointless, isn't it?
31:00
>> Yeah, it's one of the worst parts of what what what of what what makes us. >> Exactly.
31:04
We We are We are made to judge, but we also need to chill out with it a little bit.
31:08
>> Yeah, I think it's a barrier in the way of of of of evolving our actual spirit and and how we connect.
31:12
I think it's at an all-time high right now.
31:14
I'm just hoping it's darkest before dawn.
31:16
I really do, cuz I don't understand.
31:18
Sometimes I'm like, "Am I really in a simulation therapy?"
31:20
I sorry I sorry actually therapy or simulation theory.
31:24
I'm like, "Am I in a loop right now?
31:25
And why is this person like why why are we even the same?"
31:27
And I just don't It's just blows my mind.
31:31
>> The question we will have we will have running in our heads, right? >> Yeah, for sure.
31:34
Um getting back to this record.
31:38
Uh was there a song on here that when you play it now feels like it it belongs to you today more than it did when you made it back then? That it it >> Penny. Penny out of nothing.
31:52
Cuz it's actually pains under my skin where do I even begin, you know, like I mean even just talking about it now is making me go whoa.
32:00
Like pains under my skin so where do I begin?
32:01
There's so much I want to give, but life's a game that I just can't win.
32:05
So I'll create a penny out of nothing, you know?
32:08
>> Ah, dude, the lyrics >> The lyrics.
32:09
It's like crazy that I'm having this realization now as to how much I was screaming like in my music for help, like you know, and being like, "Fuck, I just don't really know what to do."
32:20
And I've got all this inside me.
32:21
And that's what I'm talking about subconsciouses.
32:23
I had it with my To a certain degree I had it with This wasn't meant for you anyway. I had it with that.
32:29
I was like Big Brown Eyes.
32:30
I was like, "God, that guy was a con."
32:34
And at the time I I still with him and I was writing a Big brown eyes like big brown eyes while I was in a relationship. >> Yeah.
32:40
>> And then I was like I was speak like telling myself something here Lola I need to listen like listen to you more and then this one is like Penny I've nothing is is is is is symbolic of like me lying to everyone.
32:53
Like I was lying to everyone and to myself just to make you think I was fine.
32:56
Just to let you know like I'm good like I don't need help. hell. Yeah man.
33:02
I mean it's one of my favorites on the record and has been from the second I heard it and I just love it.
33:06
You know take the bullet out of a gun and make a fool out of a man or make a as you know it's just so good.
33:10
I'll make an atheist forgive get on his knees and pray to God.
33:12
I mean it's just it's like you you just it's just blah. >> Yeah yeah.
33:16
And I wrote that like very quickly.
33:18
I write write pretty quickly and I wrote that like you know 30 minutes I just go with it and then finesse it a little bit and the song was done and like my um the the my producers were just like yeah like this is great and and you know I do I I mess around with like you know like make the Yeah it was just it was just amazing. >> right?
33:40
You you you you make your own music as well.
33:42
I mean you're in you're in there. >> Yeah I'm in there.
33:44
Oh god I don't I'm not like a >> Yeah you're not like a what you got for me guys?
33:50
>> Imagine I think that would not nothing would add up if I was >> No no no I can tell because I because you got really great music taste and I know that because I've you've talked about some of the artists that you love and I hear it as well.
33:57
I hear elements of Depeche Mode in this record.
33:58
I don't even know if you know if you like that but I hear things from like strong like industrial 80s type influence is creeping in the way the drums kick in and you know and it's it's it's really cool.
34:08
I I read in the Rolling Stone article that you've been listening to some Jeff Buckley lately is that true?
34:13
>> I have yeah Jeff Buckley is incredible and the album is insane and you know I just love the structure of his songs.
34:19
I love his voice and his poetry but you know I've also been like I I had to I love like I'm big Prince.
34:28
I always talk about Prince and Joni Mitchell is like the two. >> Yeah.
34:32
>> You know, and so for me like lyrics are so important.
34:34
I don't know there's something about a lyric that just gets me before People are different though because I've I've noticed recently that like you know, um I listen I talked to somebody and they're like, "No, I don't hear lyric until like the third time."
34:45
And I'm like, "Wow, that's fascinating."
34:46
Cuz I I I that's the first thing I hear. >> to be me.
34:49
I used to only listen to the beats in the music and now I um directly connect to the words.
34:54
>> you know, it depends on the way your brain's wired, I guess, but I love a lyric.
34:57
So, Joni obviously is my is my queen and like um you know, but yeah, Jeff Buckley and I don't know, I've been you know, I've I I I I like a lot of music, a lot of different stuff and I love trap music. Like I love trap music.
35:11
It's just the easiest thing to put on and like just shake your ass to. So.
35:15
>> I really uh I really appreciate getting to know you and and meeting you and I'm I'm I'm really glad we're doing it at this point as well.
35:19
And you've got and you know, this is not I'm not I'm not digging around.
35:22
You share whatever you want, but um you've been making music. >> I have.
35:26
I wouldn't like yeah, I wouldn't spill the tea.
35:28
So, I've been making music.
35:30
There might or might not be a deluxe album. >> Great. >> Which feels exciting.
35:35
But also making new music.
35:37
And I've been working with James Blake who is um my babes. No, I say that.
35:41
Jamila, I'm not taking your man.
35:44
I I I I didn't >> of babes? >> Take that out, guys. >> I love Marshall.
35:49
>> I just said that because basically on stage I was like, "Oh, there's a guy."
35:53
And he's a very special new person in my life and it's James.
35:54
I was like, "Why the hell did I say that?"
35:57
>> sound like HE WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND.
35:58
>> MEANS THAT I WAS SEEING JAMES BLAKE.
35:58
I WAS LIKE >> YOU WERE SEEING JAMES BLAKE.
36:00
>> I'M NOT SEEING JAMES JAMES AND THEN I JUST SAID THAT HE'S MY BABES.
36:03
I was like, "No, it needs to stop now." >> back you on this one.
36:04
I can't back you on this one. You cooked it. >> Okay.
36:08
James, I love you and Jamila, I love you both.
36:10
So, just like let's do that.
36:12
>> Maybe say Jamila, I love you first. >> JAMILA, I LOVE YOU.
36:17
ANYWAY, SO ANYWAY, JAMES then I said, "Why did I call my babes?"
36:19
I know, it's just the way I talk.
36:20
Regardless, so I've been working with James and I love him. >> fine. >> Oh my sake. And I love him.
36:25
You know, I just did some work. Anyway, and he's great.
36:28
So, I'm not Let's just part like that.
36:30
I've been with James Blake. >> That's amazing.
36:33
>> And feels really special some of the stuff.
36:34
So, I've got like one song that I'm really excited about and I've got a million other songs I'm really excited about. So, >> Yeah, yeah, yeah.
36:42
Has has your writing shifted since you've been able to go away and take some space and figure out a new way to Yeah.
36:47
Can you talk a little bit about how it's changed?
36:50
>> Yeah, it's changed um massively.
36:52
I mean, just like being like you know, more in touch with myself feels really exciting.
36:57
I mean, it can sometimes be hard cuz I'm like, "God, what do I talk about?"
37:00
Like I'm not like you know, but um but it in terms like you know, it's not as sad basically.
37:04
But it's but it's still as it's still as fully full of humor and loneliness as it always has been.
37:12
Um but I hate talking about myself in the third person.
37:14
I should never do that again.
37:15
But yeah, it's just yeah, it's it's fun.
37:18
It's fun and it's cool and it's I don't I don't No, never mind. >> Life is pretty good. >> Life is pretty good. >> Life is pretty good. >> It's cool. What am I talking about?
37:26
No one says they're cool. Anyway.
37:30
>> No, you're cool, dude. >> Thanks.
37:32
>> No, life is good, man.
37:32
I >> I watched this thing of like So, last thing.
37:34
I watched this thing of Now I'm spurting, but somebody put this thing that was like, "Oh, um Who was it?
37:40
I think it was Ethan Hawke or someone was like, 'Oh, no, I'm not cool.'"
37:43
And then all the comments were like, "The only That's why he's so cool because he like he like nobody who ever thinks they're cool says they're cool."
37:50
>> This is what has plagued us from the from the second we were like independent thinkers.
37:56
Was like, "Are you cool?"
37:56
And I'm like, "Loaded question. What do you think?" But I think you're cool. Same? it. I think I'm cool.
38:06
Let's bring it back, guys. >> Let's bring it back.
38:08
I mean, I think I'm cool. >> I think I'm cool.
38:12
>> Look at me and my granddaddy cardigan holding it down. Yeah, you're cool. Yeah, you're cool.
38:19
Uh what are you going to do for the rest of this year?
38:20
Are you going to just make music or are you going to play some Are you saying you're going to play some shows some shows you know?
38:25
>> I'm going to play some shows.
38:25
I'm going to make some music.
38:26
I'm going to keep it chill and I'm just going to I'm going to see you see where see where life takes me but I'm very excited.
38:31
I feel very good and and yeah. I feel very happy. >> You're cool then.