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If I got a plate of chicken strips with that sauce on it, I'd be like We've maxed it out. This is fun. But, no more. Wow.
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1 2 3 4 Hey, what's going on everybody?
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From First We Feast, I'm Sean Evans and you're watching Hot Ones.
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It's the show with hot questions and even hotter wings.
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And today we're joined by Kumail Nanjiani.
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You probably know him best from his Academy Award nominated film The Big Sick as well as Dinesh on HBO's Silicon Valley now in its sixth and final season.
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He also stars alongside Dave Bautista in Stuber, which is set to theaters on July 12th.
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Kumail Nanjiani, welcome to the show. Hi.
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Thank you for having me, I guess.
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So, I know that you're no stranger around spicy food.
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Is it still a dream of yours to have a show called Sweating in Restaurants with Kumail?
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Yeah, that was my wife Emily's idea cuz I love spicy food, but even if it's a little spicy I start sweating.
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So, my threshold is is not crazy high, but even if I don't hit it, I start sweating.
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But, I don't think it's going to be fun for people to watch because it really is very unsettling.
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You're going to find out.
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Okay, and I have said that I wanted a fork and knife because I've messed up with hot stuff before I don't want it in my eyes.
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So, I'm not going to touch it.
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Um He knows what he's doing out there. All right.
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So, this This will be fine. No big deal. All right. Mhm.
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Oh, that's That's delicious.
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I like the look in your eye.
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You have the look of someone who's like you have no idea what's coming to you. Yeah.
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Well, I've seen it before.
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Yeah, you've seen it before.
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You have a confidence about you in this that I find very unsettling.
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So, during your appearance on Dax Shepard's Armchair Expert podcast, you said that you have a goal of putting on 20 lb of muscle.
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Did you pick up any bodybuilding hacks from your Stuber co-star Dave Bautista?
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Oh, yeah, he knows everything, you know.
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You got to eat six meals a day. He eats a lot.
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That's what I learned working with him is that he's constantly eating. You can't hang.
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Do you find that meathead stereotypes are sometimes unfair?
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Cuz I had a phase where I was in the weight room all the time, and I actually found myself really liking meatheads cuz they're always down to spot you, you know, they're always like very into what you're doing, you know?
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I will say it's very refreshing to see huge dudes really talking about men's bodies.
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You know, they're like pointing at specific things and they're like kind of touching you, and it's very I feel very safe around them.
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Yeah, there's a certain community quality to it all.
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Right, I feel cared for, and they're very, very supportive.
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So, you know, this guy, one specific guy who's much bigger than me is always like, "Brother, I really respect people who work out hard in the gym, and I really respect you."
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And so, I was like, "That's the best thing I've ever heard." It's cool. Sausage bae, okay.
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So, it's a big transition for a kid, say, from New York to go to a small liberal arts college in the Midwest, but I imagine the culture shock must have been very intense showing up in rural Iowa to go to Grinnell fresh off the plane from Karachi in Pakistan.
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What was the best thing about living in Iowa, and then what was the worst thing about living in Iowa? Oh, wow, good question.
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Um, see I'm already starting to sweat, and I'm not even sure if the And you're close to the eyes, which made me nervous. Yeah, made me nervous.
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but I'm not touching it, so I'm fine.
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The best thing about living in Iowa was I'd come from like a very, very intense like I came from Karachi which is like, you know, like New York is 20 million people.
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Uh, you know, there weren't many Pakistani union people where I was so I still felt like I just felt a little bit special.
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So the best part of it was that it wasn't really populated.
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The worst part was that it wasn't really populated.
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By year three you're like, "All right, I need I need to go somewhere else."
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Loved Iowa, it was great, but at the end of the four years very, very very ready to move to a big city.
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And then of course you went to Chicago and you were doing stand-up at the Cubby Bear.
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I used to live a couple Oh, really? You did?
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I used to live a couple blocks away from there.
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I live right by there, too.
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What were the crowds like there?
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Cuz that intersection could be kind of rowdy.
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Rough as [ __ ] Yeah, I imagine.
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were really, really tough at Cubby Bear. Um, I Wow, that's crazy. Cubby Bear?
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Yeah, that's where I met a bunch of comedians for the first time.
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I think I might have met Pete Holmes there for the first time.
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Yeah, they had an open mic every week and there were these people there who were not there for the comedy and then we were like, "All right, we're going to great news.
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You're at a sports bar, you're all Cubs fans.
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We're going to turn off the game and Kumail's going to now tell you how he feels awkward buying condoms at the store."
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And they were it's a very tough crowd and they were okay just being very vocal. I like condoms.
5:21
So in the sixth and final season of HBO's Silicon Valley, obviously a lot to unpackage, but we want to start with can you give us the origin story behind Rude Boys on the Lot? Rude Boys on the Lot?
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I don't I think it was season one or two.
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We're all just like nerds, you know, but we really were like cultivating this persona that we were like the bad boys.
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We would shoot at Sony which is this huge like a bunch of stuff shoots there.
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But we considered that we were like, "We're the bad boys.
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Everybody's scared of us."
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That was like the joke we did.
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And so then we got these jackets made for ourselves that said rude boys on the lot, and this company had gifted us these scooters.
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Now the scooters are everywhere that you can like, you know, get with your iPad.
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So we would wear our jackets that said rude boys on the lot, these really gaudy jackets.
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I think they had huge dice on them or something.
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And we would ride around in scooters, and then the security guard would be like, "You can't do that."
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And we'd be like, "Very sorry."
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And then one of the great scenes, not only in the history of the show, but maybe all of cable TV, is when you guys are debating the most efficient way to jerk off auditorium full of 800 guys.
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Can you break down the mechanics of that scene and how the math was written for the jerk off algorithm?
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Apparently the math is all real, and they got Stanford like uh they got people from Stanford to like do the math.
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So when you're looking at the board and all the math is there, that's all real.
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Cuz we basically they were like, "What are the factors?
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If you did have to jerk off every guy in this room quickly, what's the most efficient way?"
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And it would have to be, you know, so it's two dicks here, two dicks here, and you're sort of jerking off four dicks at a time, right?
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But then there's more stuff, cuz then you're like, "Well, what's the math problem with it?"
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Well, height, people's heights are different, so you can't have two dicks that don't align, but it's not that.
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It's actually the dick-to-floor length. It's not the height.
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And then there's how long someone's going to last, right?
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And you have to do the hot swap on the way down cuz you don't want to slow down.
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So like, if a guy comes once I go up here, there's going to be another guy with similar girth and dick-to-floor ratio.
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So there's a lot of things to consider.
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Um yeah, that was my favorite scene to do.
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Other than that, the math is sound.
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And then the math is totally sound.
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And then finally, uh I'm sure through doing the show you've been in contact with a fair number of startups and venture capitalists.
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Do you find that they're any more or less outrageous than the version that you portray on the show? They're worse.
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I mean, they had to keep like upping it.
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They actually took something from the show from real life that they had Gavin Belson, who's the bad guy on the show, and they had him say it pretty much word for word.
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And it was so unlikable that they had to rewrite it because it made the villain on the show too villainous to just repeat word for word what this real guy in real life said.
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It's funny because they watch our show and they're like, "It's hilarious.
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Everyone else here is like that."
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And we're like, "You're like that, too." So, it's great.
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They're so arrogant that they think we're not talking about them specifically, everybody else. It's perfect. I taste the pineapple. Okay.
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Yeah, that's the first one that you start feeling.
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I'm You're going to see I'm going to start sweating.
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Even though I'm not in crisis yet, I will be in crisis, but I will look like I'm in crisis way before I'm actually in crisis. Well, I can't wait. I can't wait, Kumail. I can't.
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So, rappers and professional athletes are always posturing about who's the best gamer.
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Does that sort of rivalry exist in the comedy circuit? No.
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Not many comics I know are actually into gaming.
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I'm one of the few people I know who's like really, really into it.
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And I am very good at it. And you know what?
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You can tout those credentials because a lot of people talk, but no one was back in 2011 breaking down the best video games of all time on G4.
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So, you can talk that [ __ ] Kumail. That's right.
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Yeah, I was on G4 talking video games before like, you know, video games became like super cool.
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I mean, they were cool then, too, but And I had a podcast called The Indoor Kids with my wife, Emily Gordon, and we would talk about video games every week.
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So, my my video game credentials are pretty legit.
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And then you've said that it's the only medium that's improved over the last 30 years. Can you unpackage that?
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I mean, you know, like movies, there are some movies from like the '40s, '50s, '60s that are always going to be among the best movies of all time.
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But video games because of technology are better than they have ever been.
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Like the actual products are getting better and better and more complicated and more narratively complex and satisfying and the game systems are getting better and the AI is getting better.
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So I really think it's the only medium we have that in terms of quality is getting better literally every year.
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As an Academy Award nominated screenwriter, is there a game that you just have to tip your cap to from a writing perspective?
10:02
When your buddy Pete Holmes is on the show, he had a lot of nice things to say about the character development in Red Dead Redemption.
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I think the Grand Theft Auto games are great because they hit this really like the mark they hit is so narrow.
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They're you know, they're like so satirical and heightened and really funny but you still care about the characters.
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That's a very hard thing to do to have like a satirical world where you really really care about the story.
10:27
Skyrim I thought was really interesting because the narrative is cool but you sort of create your own narrative as well.
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That's the thing with fantasy worlds, you know, it's got to feel lived in.
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It's got to feel like there's a history.
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It can't feel like it started when the game started.
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And those games do a great job of that the history of the world that you're in is so fully fleshed out. Okay.
10:53
Is this when things get real?
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I think for a spiceman like yourself A spiceman, thank you.
11:00
You have another one or two sauces before things get a little hairy over here. Things got unbearable. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
11:09
All right, Kumail, we have a recurring segment on our show called Explain That Gram.
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We do a deep dive on our guest's Instagram pull interesting pictures that need more context.
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So I'll bust out the laptop.
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I'll show you the picture.
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You just tell me the bigger story.
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Does that sound Do you get scared each time you do you like go I got to do that again?
11:22
Do you like dread it each time?
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Cuz you know exactly what's coming.
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You know what I think happens is that the pressure of the interview, right?
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This is the first time that you and I have ever met and I have to help create this energy and create this connection with you, you know?
11:37
And I think that that takes my mind off the sauces.
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So, like these could all be this sauce and I probably wouldn't even notice.
11:46
Well, that one's bad, huh?
11:48
It gets a little weird over here. It gets a little weird.
11:53
All right, what's the craziest thing that you saw at WrestleMania? Oh my god.
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Um so, we were front row for the match between Dave Bautista and Triple H cuz, you know, friends with Bautista and truly love them.
12:03
I remember being there and the commentary tables were in front of us.
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So, it was us, commentators, and then the tables.
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And I remember being like, "Wow, these tables are shoddily made.
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The construction seems awful."
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And then Dave landed on one and like splattered it and I was like, "Oh, okay, that's why it all makes sense now."
12:22
You don't want like oak furniture.
12:25
What was a more memorable nerd rite of passage for you, chatting Oh, I know what you're talking about. with George R. R.
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Martin or meeting Stan Lee? Wow. Okay, okay.
12:34
You know, love them both. Love Game of Thrones.
12:37
I mean, Stan Lee has done so many things and I remember I interviewed him and we kind of I kind of started making fun of Superman and he loved it.
12:46
He thought it was like really fun and he started making fun of Superman with me.
12:50
And I was like, "That's awesome.
12:50
I got to make fun of Superman with Stan Lee."
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And now, you know, obviously he's gone.
12:55
So, meeting Stan Lee was definitely extremely, extremely exciting.
12:58
And he was just very warm and I mean, look at him.
13:03
He's got his arm around my shoulder.
13:04
He's not doing the hover hand or anything. One more for you. Yeah.
13:10
Speaking of meeting your heroes, they say you should never meet your heroes. Yeah, they do say that.
13:14
But, I'm I've been very fortunate in that the heroes I've met have all been wonderful and that's uh obviously David Duchovny and uh Gillian Anderson, Mulder and Scully.
13:26
Um yeah, it's my favorite show of all time.
13:28
I used to do a podcast about it.
13:30
There was a little time in my life where if I liked something I would do a podcast about it and then I realized that's terrible.
13:34
Don't make stuff you love into work.
13:36
Anyway, my favorite writer on the show, Darren Morgan, he was like, "Do you want to do this show?"
13:41
I said, "Yes, of course."
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I was really, really terrified.
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And that's the last day of shooting.
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I was like, "Once I'm done I'll ask him for a picture."
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And the reason I'm smiling, laughing like that is cuz David Duchovny was uh blowing in my ear just before it. All right.
13:55
Well, the X-Files talk, that is a lovely segue to the next wing. Uh, what is this? Hellfire? Oh. You know what?
14:12
When you eat a spicy thing, there's the spice and then there's another flavor, impossible to describe. Sort of metallic. Something shows up.
14:25
And that's the first time I feel that.
14:27
And I've never been able to articulate There's something There's like another ghost floating around in there.
14:33
And he has just shown up. I'll do one more bite. There you go. That flavor. [ __ ] that flavor. I do like it though. I like how it tastes. Right, same.
14:45
There's something about the spicy food that shows up, Mhm.
14:49
that's like floating around, that's like, "Hey, I'm going to be here for a while. Make myself at home." Yeah. Okay.
14:57
So, by all accounts, you're one of the biggest X-File obsessives on the internet.
15:00
As we talked about, you had that podcast where you deep dive individual episodes and of course recently you got to guest star in the series revival.
15:07
What's your take on the infamous Home episode?
15:10
There was a lot of mythology around it. I love that episode.
15:14
That's one of my favorite episodes.
15:15
Um, people remember it obviously as very intense episode uh, because it's got some graphic violence in it.
15:26
But it's also one of the best written ones.
15:27
Um, as the world becomes more modern, it homogenizes.
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So, all these like weird towns are disappearing because of the internet or because like corporations are moving there instead of weird restaurant, now it's Applebee's.
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And this episode really is about one of those weird little towns pushing back against encroaching modern civilization.
15:48
Um, so I think it's uh I want to talk about this episode for a long time so I can put off what's coming next.
15:54
And then I know when you were doing the podcast, one of the ways that you'd prepare for it is by combing old message boards so you could see what fans were saying about the episodes when they actually aired. Yeah.
16:04
In doing that, did you see a difference in internet discourse in the mid-90s versus today?
16:09
So, The X-Files really started in '93.
16:12
It was really the first show that had a following on the internet, right?
16:14
People were very respectful to each other and the conversations were very smart.
16:21
And I would see it only took a couple years as internet was spreading.
16:26
I saw the first like AFK away from keyboard show up.
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I saw the first like emoji show up, which was like, you know, the smiley face, which is the the colon with the parentheses for it show up.
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And I saw it turn from being like a lovely place of discourse to you're a [ __ ] idiot.
16:47
And it happened so quickly.
16:49
But I saw that happen through people talking about X-Files episodes. It was awesome.
16:55
So, for me, this is probably the ceiling of what I would eat and consider enjoyable.
17:00
Like I would eat I would if I got a plate of chicken strips with that sauce on it, I'd be like, we've maxed it out. This is fine. But no more. Well. One, two, three, four.
17:21
At this point, I want to know I'm eating a big enough bite that people at home aren't thinking that I'm not doing the thing.
17:27
Is that Is that enough or more? That's plenty. That's plenty.
17:37
So, you've worked alongside directors with some of the biggest cult followings in Hollywood from Jordan Peele to Judd Apatow to Mike Judge.
17:43
And then I know that they're all unique in their own ways, but do you see a character trait that runs through all of them? [ __ ] you. Ah. Yeah. Yes, I do. See?
18:04
You're not the only one who's making things hard here.
18:05
I can make things difficult, too.
18:07
Yes, there is a character trait in common. Next question.
18:11
Um I I think that they're all other than being obviously very smart and good at what they do. Am I sweating a lot?
18:19
A little bit, but you know what?
18:19
Come on, I've seen some crazy things from this side.
18:24
Labs, people spitting in buckets, screaming, pacing around, bailing to take a break for a little bit. I've seen it all. Is that okay?
18:32
Uh there's no rules here, you know. Okay. Yeah, I could tell.
18:38
This is the [ __ ] wild west over here. Oh god. Ready?
18:54
There's a picture of a nuclear bomb on it.
19:02
This one has an extra special something cuz how else would I say that the first time the ghost showed up was here? Mhm.
19:09
And then this one You know what?
19:12
Like for instance, in terms of spices, I'll bring it back to video games.
19:16
I remember when we went from like any NES to Super Nintendo, that was a big leap.
19:22
Then PlayStation 2 to PlayStation 3 wasn't so big, or PlayStation 3 to PlayStation 4 wasn't so big.
19:25
This feels like a Super Nintendo to a PlayStation jump.
19:30
Like, we're in the [ __ ] big leagues now, [ __ ] For real. This is real.
19:36
So, I understand that your nickname at one point was Kumail Biryani.
19:40
Can you explain biryani to the people who are watching right now?
19:41
Why in your opinion is it one of the great dishes of all time?
19:47
There's a show on Netflix called Chef's Table, and there's an episode I'm going to get [ __ ] get through this.
19:54
There's an episode about Asma Khan, who has a restaurant in London, and uh there's like a 40-second thing where she's making the biryani, and she opens it, and she pulls it out, and I cried.
20:04
I It looked so good that I cried, cuz I know that feeling of being at my grandmother's house, and you know the biryani is there, but you don't smell it cuz it's been sealed.
20:16
When she opens it, and you smell it, and you all the colors of the rice and the meat come out, and um and I just started crying.
20:27
Is there a Pakistani dish that's hard to find in the US that you think could really flourish as a mainstream menu item?
20:38
Uh I would say that kebab roll, cutty roll, could be on every corner, and I think it's like a good entry point for most people. I have to blow my nose. Do people do that? Mhm.
20:49
Everyone close your eyes. Pause the cameras. Oh god.
21:02
I think it's really gross. Hold on.
21:05
I've got to look at my phone and see how my face looks.
21:08
I have to turn my phone on. We could talk.
21:11
Movie star [ __ ] Yeah, movie star [ __ ] I've now felt less like a movie star in my life.
21:18
And I've never felt like a movie star, but I've never felt less like one.
21:25
I admire your [ __ ] drive, man.
21:31
You know what sucks about these guys? Yeah, yeah. Tell me.
21:33
It's they In the beginning, they're like, "I'm not so bad. I'm fine." It's like a house guest.
21:37
And then like a few minutes later, they're like [ __ ] on your couch.
21:44
Like they don't they don't announce themselves as being horrible.
21:46
It's just right when you're like, "Oh, this is going to go fine." Like right now.
21:52
Did you find that you were lulled into a false sense of security?
21:53
Or did you kind of see this coming around the bend?
21:57
I knew that they were all going to be horrible, but like this one and the one before it the immediate sensation isn't "Oh, wow, that was really intense." It really builds.
22:09
Which is a bigger accomplishment for you, being named one of Time's 100 Most Influential or getting name-checked in a Jeopardy clue?
22:15
Time's Most Influential one was funny cuz people were upset that Putin wasn't on it.
22:21
And they were like, "Kumail's on it, but Putin's not on it."
22:23
And I'm like, I guess the Jeopardy one is better because my parents were very impressed.
22:28
They were very excited about Jeopardy. They watch Jeopardy. Wow.
22:34
Speaking of your parents being proud, was your dad, who I understand is a jeans aficionado, proud to see you on GQ's Best Dressed Man of the Year poll?
22:44
to ignore what's going on? This is the last dab.
22:51
We call it the last dab because it's traditional around here to put a little extra on the last wing. You don't have to. No, you do it on mine.
22:58
I'm not going to do it on mine. I got I got you, Kumail. There you go. What's going on? Hold on. Let me see it.
23:06
Make sure my face is okay before we do this last. Hold on. Got to check it. Wow.
23:16
I look like I'm currently being waterboarded. I think you look great. I think you look great. Wow.
23:25
Let me take a picture of you. Good good pose. Wow.
23:33
I really Okay, here we go. Here we go. Classic dab.
23:38
Classic dab cutting off a corner. So, all right.
23:45
Here we are at the final stage of Hot Ones, the final boss.
23:47
We've talked a lot about your nerd cred, which spans from The X-Files all the way to gaming and everything in between.
23:54
But, one thing that we haven't hit on is your love for old-school cartoons.
23:58
So, here I'm going to hit you with a Wing 10 pop quiz about one of your more niche off-piece obsessions, and that is He-Man.
24:08
So, if you can drill three He-Man pub trivia questions under these circumstances, I think the internet will be very impressed, okay? god. First question.
24:20
True or false, the He-Man action figures actually predate the comic books and cartoon series. Um Yes, correct. That is true.
24:30
Yeah, they made them and then they made the cartoon as like a advertising.
24:34
Who voiced He-Man in the 1987 film Masters of the Universe?
24:37
Was it Howie Long, Bruce Willis, or Dolph Lundgren? Dolph Lundgren. It is Dolph Lundgren. Yeah.
24:44
Ding ding ding ding ding.
24:44
What color is Evil-Lyn's hair? It's black. Or is it dark blue? Or is it white? The cap is black. Her hair is white? Her hair is white. Her hair is white.
25:02
But you know what, Kumail? What? Seriously? Look it up. Go ahead. Hold on.
25:06
Two out of three on the He-Man pop quiz, nothing to sneeze at. White hair? White hair. Evilynne has white hair. don't know that. not black.
25:16
It's certainly not black. nobody's ever seen that. How did you find that?
25:21
Now there's nothing left to do but roll out the red carpet for you, my friend. This camera. This camera. This camera.
25:27
Let the people know what you have going on in your life.
25:29
There's one little picture I can find where she has white hair, and I don't know if that's canon. All right.
25:35
Stuber comes out in theaters July 12th.
25:38
Me, Dave Bautista, Betty Gilpin, Natalie Morales, Mira Sorvino, Iko Uwais, who's an amazing action star. Uh go see this movie.
26:02
Just flashback to um my dead great-grandmother's funeral. So, thank you for that.
26:13
Hey, what's going on, Hot Ones fans?
26:15
This is Sean Evans checking in to say thank you so much for watching today's episode.
26:18
But I have a stern warning for those of you out there who've been watching us now for nine seasons and have still not subscribed.
26:24
This is your final warning. Subscribe or else.