Justin Baldoni: ON The Power of Reflection for Lifelong Relationships — searchlore

Justin Baldoni: ON The Power of Reflection for Lifelong Relationships

Jay Shetty Podcast

Published May 14, 2021

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0:00

I'll I share a picture of us.

0:00

I don't care how many likes it gets.

0:01

If people like it, that's fantastic.

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I hope Instagram gets rid of the likes.

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You know, like we just do it because we love it. We want it.

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It comes from our soul, comes from our hearts and our desire to share what comes through us, not because it fills a void.

0:19

Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose.

0:21

I'm so grateful and appreciative of the fact that you take out time out of your days every single week to learn, to listen, to grow, and to focus on self-work and love in your life.

0:33

And you know that I'm committed to finding and bringing you the guest that I believe are living a life on purpose, that are doing things with a heart of service and wanting to have a meaningful impact in the world.

0:44

And today's guest, I can truly say is someone who's dedicated to that vision and that mission.

0:50

He's a director, actor, producer, and entrepreneur and is focused on creating a service-based life through entertainment and media.

0:58

He stars in the award-winning Jane the Virgin, which many of you have probably seen or heard of and been fans and followers of, and also he's the founder of Wayfarer Entertainment.

1:09

He's an incredible human being who I connected with probably about a couple of years ago, but we've been trying to make this happen.

1:16

So for me, this is a huge moment.

1:17

I'm so grateful to have with me Justin Baldoni.

1:19

Justin, thank you for being here.

1:22

I I appreciate you so much, man. No, I mean it.

1:25

I'm really happy to be here.

1:25

Of all the things that that come my way, this was one that I was like, this has to this has to happen because I appreciate the the on purpose aspect of everything that you do.

1:36

And it's like, you know, this is it.

1:38

This is why we do it, right?

1:40

This is why we do everything. So thank you, man. No, thank you, man.

1:44

That means a lot coming from you, definitely.

1:45

And I want to dive into so many areas of your life today.

1:47

And I and I want to you to start with what you just said now.

1:50

Like, when did you get to that point where you realized everything was about service and on purpose?

1:55

and how did you get there? I don't think I'm there.

2:01

I think that's one of the things we'll probably uncover is I don't think we ever really get there.

2:06

I think that there have been moments in my life that were both caused by me uh uh making poor decisions that led me to a path of having no choice but to realize that this life is not about me.

2:21

And then there were things that happened that were just completely out completely completely out of my control.

2:27

But I I don't know if we ever get to a place where we realize that life's just about service because that's just not the way that the ego works and the way that our brains are built to work.

2:34

So, I feel like I'm every morning I wake up some days I get it and then some days that I don't.

2:41

And the days that I don't it's about then making sure I wake up the next morning and seeing if I can get it.

2:46

And I think that's just the journey that is life, right?

2:49

It's just no I don't think we ever arrive. Maybe you have arrived.

2:52

If if anybody maybe you have.

2:54

Uh but I definitely have not. Um so yeah, man.

2:57

I I think that it was a combination of a lot of things. So, I'm with you. I've not arrived either.

3:00

I I completely agree with that.

3:02

I think you have to We have showers every day because we get dirty.

3:05

We have to brush our teeth every day because they get dirty.

3:08

We have to eat every day because we get hungry and so we have to feed our souls and minds and consciousness every day, too, in the same way.

3:14

In my faith there's a there's a quote that says uh at the end of each day we have to take ourselves into account. Mhm.

3:20

Um and we have to look at all the things that we did that would be pleasing to God.

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And then ask for strength to do better.

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And then look at the things that we did that day that were about us and maybe would be displeasing.

3:32

And ask for the strength to do better, right?

3:35

Um so, we want to repeat the things that we did well, but we want to do better and you know, improve on the previous day. And that's it.

3:41

Little by little, day by day, it's what we're told. Yeah.

3:43

So, you know, And both of those things that you said there are so important because you have to know what you're doing well, too. Right?

3:50

You got to repeat those again and make them happen again in your life.

3:53

happen if we don't reflect and if you don't actually think about like I love the idea of taking things into account in the Baha'i by the way. And Yes, yes, yes.

4:01

And uh so this idea of like taking ourselves into account.

4:03

The actual quote is that take ourselves into account um as one day we'll be summoned to a reckoning, right?

4:11

Or that we're all summoned to a reckoning.

4:13

This idea of like we're going to have to like look at our lives and all the things that we've done and all the decisions that we've made, whether they be for us or for somebody else, the pain that we've caused, and one day we will have to we'll have a reckoning with all of those things.

4:28

So by taking ourselves into account every day, right?

4:30

Little by little, we're like we're kind of like uh being proactive in that process and not waiting until the day we're standing under, you know, before our creator and having to do the same thing. So uh so yeah, man.

4:44

So then you mix in our business in this industry and and all the interesting things that come with it and you're like, you know, it's a battle every single day, which is why I say I'm still trying to figure it out and work on it just like everybody else. Yeah.

4:57

But that's what fascinates me so much and what I love about what you do is that you're able to be in an industry that's seen a certain way, that may function a certain way, but you're able to bring that soul to it and you're working hard to bring that service element to it.

5:10

And that's when I first reached out to you and I kind of want to go back there because I think you've done so many interesting things in your career and your journey and and I'm sure many people already know about some of them, but even if they don't, I want to highlight them and unpack those stories with you.

5:24

But when I reached out to you, I saw you'd given this TED Talk about being man enough and and I looked and I was just like, wow, here's a guy who's like, you know, from the perspective you were talking about it, like you've been an actor asked to play very alpha male roles and then you're looking and reflecting and taking into account Yeah.

5:43

and and you're noticing and you're observing that like, oh wait a minute, this isn't me."

5:46

Like, I've almost been pretending to play roles and be someone that I'm not.

5:50

How did you start unpacking that and that journey to get to that talk?

5:55

First of all, that talk was I still I think I still have PTSD from that talk in the sense that it was one of the scariest things I've ever done. Especially at TED Women.

6:04

Like, being in a room with 1,500 of some of the world's most powerful women and then being a man and giving a talk that's like feminine feminist adjacent, right?

6:13

Uh I they I and then also the TED stage, talk about self-doubt.

6:16

Like, what do I have to offer the TED community, right?

6:20

I'm an expert at nothing except myself and even that I'm trying to, you know, figure out.

6:24

Um So, I That was a That was a hell of an experience and my son was born 8 days or 9 days before that.

6:33

Um and we were shooting Jane and it was just this crazy time, but I think for me it was about Look, you get to You get to Hollywood and Hollywood decides what they want you to be, right?

6:47

Suddenly, I'm playing these characters and I'm auditioning for these characters that couldn't be farther from the way that I viewed myself and also uh these are characters I'm playing the types of people that also made my life very difficult when I was younger and caused me a lot of pain.

7:04

Uh so, I realized early on I remember calling my first manager uh sent me an audition and like the title was like uh super hot.

7:15

And I I I I I remember I called him and I was like, "I don't I think you sent this to the wrong person.

7:19

I don't think you're I like cuz it well, it just wasn't how I saw myself and I was a bit of an ugly duckling and I had, you know, girls never really liked me and all the things grew at the wrong times and eyebrows weren't cool back then and definitely not the big nose and I was super skinny and very insecure and had acne and you name it.

7:39

Like, braces in high school.

7:41

Um and I was bullied a lot and I was picked on a lot and I would compensate um with overconfidence when I was younger.

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But, all those boys from the time I was in elementary school uh to even I still struggle with it today.

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I always felt like I wasn't included, like I wasn't a part of the group, like I wasn't a man, like I wasn't man enough, right?

8:02

And then suddenly I found myself being looked at from a superficial lens as one of those guys.

8:09

So, I was inducted into the club because at some point in my early 20s I I finally like grew into myself, maybe.

8:17

But, it was never comfortable.

8:17

So, I remember early on in my acting career playing these roles but having no idea like how I would talk or say things or walk or cuz even my walk I would you know was made fun of at one point by kids when I was in seventh grade.

8:31

And these memories are burned into my soul.

8:35

Um, and you know, so you know, I'm I'm playing like a I'm playing like a really cool frat guy at 20 years old. I had had no idea.

8:43

I wasn't even invited to frat parties when I like I had no like how do you how did I do that? How do I do that?

8:48

And and I found more and more every time I got a job I was it was like living in conflict.

8:55

And then I realized that I was actually living in conflict outside of the work because I would become a different man based on who I was with.

9:02

So, I would change my personality, the way that I carried myself, the way that I walked based on the company that I was in.

9:08

I would become a chameleon to be accepted, to be liked.

9:13

And uh and all of those and then I I noticed my behavior with women as I was dating and relationships and and I just started to think about all this stuff which unfortunately we don't often think about because the world is built to distract us.

9:25

So, in thinking about it I realized that I was having a innate issue with my masculinity.

9:34

Um, it was much deeper than that but that was at least a part of the issue.

9:37

And then I saw a lot of other men having a very similar issue.

9:42

And then the more I learned about um uh feminism and women's rights, I realized that that was also a big contributor, if not one of the main contributors to the oppression in that certain way.

9:53

And uh and so I just started to like dig into it and learn and I found I don't know how, but I you know, Ted eventually asked me to come speak and I wanted to use my platform to talk about it cuz I just felt like, man, if we could get if we could get more men to open up and think about this stuff and and go inside instead of projecting outside and I don't know, maybe we'd have a different looking world, you know?

10:14

And that's just the surface layer.

10:17

Underneath all of it, I believe is uh there there are spiritual issues that need to fundamentally change.

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But you can't change those things like with a snap of your fingers.

10:24

So, I chose masculinity as kind of like the the surface level thing for me to discuss and talk about and also because it was parallel to my journey playing a character that was also kind of trapped and struggling with his masculinity. Yeah, absolutely.

10:39

And what have been some of those challenges?

10:42

It's so funny, when I'm listening to you, there are so many things in common uh that I spoke about before that I've listened to and just like, wow, like I was super bullied at when I was young cuz I was very overweight.

10:51

And so I Were you really?

10:53

Yeah, I was I was very overweight and my wife had the same thing.

10:57

So, me and my wife, even though we didn't know each other at that time, but we both grew up on that side of the journey and experience of how we were bullied growing up.

11:05

That's so interesting cuz my wife and I were bullied for being skinny. Oh, wow. It's a funny thing.

11:09

Like, the policing is very interesting.

11:10

And we oftentimes forget that and it's and and my my God, God bless my wife, but we were watching um we were watching a Meghan Trainor song. Mhm.

11:21

Um All About That Bass cuz my daughter is obsessed with that music video.

11:25

She's 4 years old and everyone's dancing.

11:28

And she's and we're watching this video and she kind of and Maya is liking it and you know and and some of the words are you know kind of not attacking but but provocative. It's for skinny girls.

11:42

Kind of making skinny girls possibly feel bad for being skinny, right?

11:47

And we don't realize there's a whole 'nother group of women and men that are bullied for looking a certain way and my wife has a lot of trauma from growing up and you know, she couldn't put weight on if she tried.

11:58

And so she's telling my daughter things like, you know, it's okay to be who you are and you know what if you're skinny when you grow up, that's also beautiful and and but also explaining that their bodies are beautiful and all of our bodies and it's so funny that like we don't think about the the policing on both sides and where that comes from.

12:14

So but yeah, but the result is the same.

12:17

The result is like a lot of insecurity in your 30s, in your 40s, in your 50s, you know, throughout your life.

12:24

Yeah, and I can relate to the chameleon aspect too that you're mentioning.

12:27

I can totally relate to that.

12:30

don't often think about it, right?

12:30

Yeah, like I've said it so like I've repeated it because I came to understand that fairly early when I chose to go and become a monk which is the most random decision of everyone I grew up with.

12:40

Yeah, I want to talk about that.

12:41

It was No, we can talk about that another time.

12:43

Not today, but This is about you.

12:48

But but the reason I'm bringing it up is just I think as we're reflecting I'm hoping everyone who's listening or watching right now I hope you're getting an opportunity to reflect.

12:54

Maybe you have already, maybe you haven't.

12:56

But if you're listening or watching right now, the reason why I'm sharing when I'm listening to you is I've also played that when I was on Red Table Talk recently and I know you were too.

13:05

And Aren't they wonderful? They're wonderful. They're amazing.

13:07

Yeah, the whole family is just beautiful and incredible.

13:10

And and I was talking about this.

13:12

I was talking about how like I was switching my personalities to appeal to women and appeal to the opposite sex.

13:16

So I would switch who I was so that a certain type of person would like me.

13:22

Where have you found What have you found from giving that TED Talk, doing that research, doing that work up until that point in your life, what did you find out about identity?

13:29

And on that deeper spiritual level, I'd love to hear that from you.

13:33

I love how you said that you were not using but engaging a viewpoint around something more surface-level to talk about something deeper.

13:41

Well, I think all of our issues are inherently spiritual. Mhm.

13:44

But, um we can't you can't snap your fingers and fix a spiritual problem Mhm.

13:50

Um unless people are willing to go there.

13:55

And as you know, having been a monk and me, you know, every day waking up and struggling, the the inherent the connection that an individual has with their creator, God, the universe.

14:06

I mean, even God is a bud buzzword now for people.

14:08

Like, God is triggering to people, which is a bizarre thing.

14:13

Like, people are so anti-religion now that that and because they've had such terrible experiences um in whether it be their churches or you know, with various groups that people are very uh hesitant to even talk about God.

14:26

So, now we're using words like the universe, right?

14:30

Who created the universe? I don't know. Something did. So, I use the word God.

14:35

But, it's so hard to tackle a spiritual issue when we're not realizing we're actually spiritual beings having a physical experience.

14:41

Um so, that's why it's using you know, that's why I mean, look, so it's social justice.

14:48

It's all of these things.

14:49

They're all interconnected.

14:49

If you strip it all down, right?

14:52

Whatever the problem that's plaguing the world, it all comes down to spirituality and the way we view each other as other or the way that our ego takes over or our drive for power and money or success and our and completely forgetting that we are here really to serve each other and to be of service to our creator, the universe, God, whatever, whoever you want to um call it.

15:18

Uh so, some of the things I've learned, I've learned that I don't know anything.

15:24

I am you know, after the TED Talk I found it really interesting because we were talking about this outside.

15:32

I never planned on being a public spokesperson for anything.

15:38

Like I'm not a thought leader. Right?

15:40

I'm not someone that's going to like change my Instagram bio and call myself a thought leader and like make that my world.

15:45

Um actually inherently kind of I'm a little allergic to that phrase, right?

15:50

I I'm not a leader in anything.

15:52

I was a guy with an idea that started talking about the things I cared about.

15:56

Because of the way social media works, people then attach certain labels to me.

16:01

Um because also of the way the industry works then it becomes a little Pavlovian on my part or your part.

16:06

You start to do more of that thing.

16:07

But inherently I kept it as pure as I could.

16:10

And then suddenly you're asked to give more thoughts and more opinions and then you're on the TED stage and you don't know what the hell you're doing there. That's my journey. Um I love it.

16:19

Afterwards what ended up happening was I didn't expect there to be so much negativity. Mhm.

16:23

And I didn't realize how polarizing uh the masculinity issue was. Interesting.

16:30

And how uh uh interconnected it was with the political climate and the culture divide that's happening in our country and around the world, right?

16:39

Um as an example feminism is now a weaponized word.

16:44

And if you're considered a feminist then you're then people assume they know your political ideology. Mhm.

16:52

Um the same thing with masculinity, right?

16:56

You're a liberal snowflake.

16:56

You're this, you're this.

16:58

And I found myself getting very attacked.

17:01

And I am not good with that.

17:01

Because of how I was uh how I was treated as a young boy.

17:10

There's a lot of open wounds there that I've been working on healing for a long long time.

17:13

So So were talking about out there I could have a million people tell me amazing things, but I could have one guy tell me something with just like keyboard courage, with some anonymous name that I happen to read on accident, and my day is ruined.

17:30

It doesn't matter how enlightened or or or prayerful I am, there's a part that hasn't healed from being that kid that of course I will eventually hopefully get to a a better place, but none of us have been trained to really know what to do with social media this way.

17:48

So I found myself having a lot of interesting reactions to the talk, being loved and supported by women, getting tons of texts from women when it came out.

17:57

Um very famous women, women that I hadn't seen in 10 years, 20 years. A few men.

18:02

Uh I was one of Being Yeah, right. You were one of them.

18:07

Being promoted on all these female-facing magazines and websites and things.

18:12

And then the male reaction was really negative.

18:13

And I was confused because it ended up perpetuating the same issue, which was this feeling like I am not good enough for my own gender. Mhm. Which happened as a boy.

18:25

And then I'll here I am talking to men as a man.

18:27

So at the end of the day, I'm an athlete, I'm a dude. I work out.

18:30

I love like I love some of the aspects of masculinity. I I'm a sports fan.

18:36

I'm like, you know, all of it.

18:39

But I also want to a sensitive and I'm an emotional person, and all I'm saying is that you can be both, and maybe we can use all of those aspects of masculinity that make us strong men to explore the hidden inner parts of ourselves to become more full humans. Mhm.

18:53

And uh and the response was like was terrible on the male side. that.

18:59

Yeah, it was really interesting. realize that.

19:00

And I got really sad, and I didn't understand.

19:02

And I realized that without knowing it, I had used certain words that sensational media has weaponized for a political agenda, like toxic. Right?

19:15

Not saying toxic masculinity doesn't exist, but that word now, if I say it, a large part of the population will not listen to what I have to say, even though I'm not using it in a politicized way.

19:28

I'm saying the aspects of masculinity that encourage policing and bullying, that encourage us to change our personalities, maybe to treat women poorly, those things are toxic.

19:37

And by toxic, I mean they're bad for you in the same way that like a harmful chemical causes cancer, right?

19:46

That's all it is, but that word can be weaponized.

19:49

And then we're living in a very sensitive time where things are very polarizing and we are in the middle of this culture war.

19:55

Um, and I found myself in the middle of that and I realized that man, I should have done a little more research because the men that I actually want to reach, the men that I want to talk to the most, are the men who are rejecting the message.

20:07

And then I was in a echo chamber. I was in a silo.

20:10

I was talking to the people that already believed in it.

20:15

So, that was a that was something that I learned.

20:17

Which is why now with my work around masculinity and Man Enough, I'm I'm changing a little bit of the way that I talk about it.

20:25

Because women don't need to hear what I have to say.

20:29

The women are doing the work themselves.

20:32

My work is with men, as a man.

20:35

Healing also some of the things that have happened to me and that I've been working through.

20:39

And hoping that that by displaying vulnerability and by talking about things that are hard to talk about, that you and I have been through, that it gives other men permission to do the same.

20:49

Because at the end of the day, men are killing themselves at a higher rate than women.

20:52

Men are are dying of heart disease and cancer more than women.

20:59

We are we isolate ourselves.

21:02

We clearly cause a lot more wars and do are doing doing more damage.

21:04

And I just feel like there is a lot of opportunity for healing and that's at its core what it's about. It's about healing. Yeah, absolutely man.

21:12

You've said that so well and when I saw it and when I'm reflecting on it now hearing from you for me it was just really clear that you were speaking about something that was around personal growth, personal healing, personal transformation from the perspective of hey, have you had a look at yourself in a while?

21:30

Are there parts of you that you would like to change?

21:32

Are there parts of you that you haven't explored?

21:33

Are there parts of you that you've forgotten even exist there?

21:37

You know, I are you really being the person you want to be?

21:39

Are you We have We haven't been trained to do that. Absolutely not. We haven't at all. Nobody's taught us that.

21:43

Our fathers didn't teach us to like look at ourselves and observe our behavior.

21:50

We didn't learn that stuff.

21:50

The movies are not teaching us that.

21:51

The magazines are not teaching us that.

21:53

What are they teaching us? How to get the girl.

21:56

How to make your body look good so you can get the girl.

22:00

And we don't even think about that language.

22:01

What does get the girl mean?

22:04

Now we're already thinking about women as a possession.

22:05

Getting a thing, an object.

22:07

So without even realizing it we're like brainwashed to think a certain way. Yeah.

22:14

You know, versus attracting a partner or a mate.

22:16

Um it's just it's not in our programming.

22:20

We've been socialized and women have been socialized to respond as well.

22:21

I mean, there's two sides to this equation which is why we both and I've noticed this had to change our behavior around various groups, especially women to become the man we think they want us to be instead of being just who we are and who we were born to be and who we were born with full of [ __ ] and baggage as we are. Yeah, absolutely.

22:42

And I and I think what I took from it was just that encouragement to people to unpack your own bags, you know, like we've all got to do that healing ourselves.

22:49

No one's going to do it for you.

22:51

Like no one's going to walk into your life and fix you.

22:53

And and it's great anyway, but I I just wanted to say that I personally thought what you did was awesome.

22:57

I personally think hearing from you today as well and I'm hoping everyone who's listening and watching is taking that in from a point of self-reflection.

23:05

Like that's what I'm learning from this.

23:06

It's like, let's look at ourselves in the mirror and not look at our bodies in the mirror just that.

23:11

Let's look at that inside in the mirror and go, "Okay, what do I like?

23:15

What do I want to work on?

23:15

Where do I want to grow?" Am I happy with this?

23:16

Am I pleased with who I am? Absolutely.

23:19

We all have that feeling.

23:21

You know this feeling when you're in like a social setting and you say something or you interact with somebody and then you leave that person and you're like, "Oh my god, I was such an idiot." Yeah.

23:31

Or why did I say that thing? All of us have it.

23:33

They're like people are like they're like in the room they're like Everyone's like yeah, everyone's going yeah.

23:37

But nobody but nobody talks about it, right?

23:39

The thing is we all have it.

23:43

Because all of us are trying to like figure out who we are.

23:45

And if we just And if you And if you have that moment and you're like, "Wait, why did I say that thing?" That wasn't me, right?

23:53

What was I trying to prove?

23:57

Why did I change my That little like self-awareness can take you on a deep, deep journey into like I don't want to say enlightenment, but into uh that self-reflection and awareness.

24:09

And you can't start to change something unless you realize that it exists in the first place and you come to terms with it. So, Absolutely. Anyways, yeah.

24:16

And it's both those things.

24:18

It's looking back and going like, "What How How did I say that to that person?"

24:21

And then looking at what we say to ourselves, too. Yeah.

24:25

It's like reflecting at the the voice in our heads and going like, "Wait a minute, did I say that to myself?

24:28

Like is that how I'm talking to myself now?"

24:32

Yeah, and then if you say, "Oh, I'm such an idiot." Yeah. What is that?

24:34

Like then now clearly that's how we're treating ourselves.

24:36

You know it's funny, my wife often times says to me, "Stop treating my husband like that." Yeah. Right? Yeah.

24:45

Like this beautiful like this beautiful That's awesome. I love that.

24:48

Like she's like, "Hey, be nice to my husband." Right?

24:52

That's because she sees me do that to myself.

24:54

Like that because I can take the self-reflection and then I can go too far.

24:58

And then she's like, "Hey." Right?

25:00

And then now it's fun because I give it back to her all the time.

25:03

Because we're all doing that to ourselves, right?

25:04

That's what marriage is at its core.

25:06

I'm going to talk about marriage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go for it.

25:08

Marriage is two people coming together and putting all their [ __ ] on the front lawn and having that be the fertilizer for their new home. Yeah. You know?

25:14

And we it's like that's what it is. Yeah, 100%. No, I love that.

25:19

And what what's interesting is, you know, you've gone from obviously using your platform to spread a message, but just recently just now you were saying that actually you've been taking social media downtime, too.

25:28

You've been taking breaks from tech.

25:31

Yeah, I'm just I just I just don't think that we're I just don't think any of us realize also the damage we're doing to ourselves. You know what's funny?

25:39

I had a question for you. Go on.

25:43

You are you're a king at social media.

25:47

I'm I look at I'm I marvel at what you've been able to do and what you've been able to build.

25:54

Especially because you're doing it and it's all the same.

25:57

It's all the same with the same intention.

25:59

I can tell I know you're an I I can feel intention.

26:01

Only God knows intention, but I have this thing where I'm allergic to like self-help gurus and like I can I just had it's like it's like a No, no, no, but like there's like a there's a thing because I because we're all flawed. Right?

26:18

And it's so easy to put ourselves on a pedestal and it's so easy to then suddenly with the millions of people or the 20 or 30 or 40 people in a church or a congregation to start to think that that's about us and not about what's coming through us.

26:32

So, I and this is just me putting this on you, but I feel your purity and I and I sincerely thank you for that.

26:38

However, I don't know how you do it.

26:42

Because you're creating so much content on such a massive scale every single day and building businesses also for helping people that I look at you and I'm like how are you able to to to like separate you as your person from like this world that hinges on commenting and liking and putting out content and I don't know how you do it.

27:09

Um so first of all I would love for you uh cuz you knew at some point it was going to be flipped. No, I didn't.

27:15

I I wasn't expecting that. Cuz I I'm only I learn.

27:17

I'm not an expert on anything.

27:19

I'm not a guru or a self-help person.

27:21

I'm here to get help and to learn and all I do is pass that on, but I don't know how you do it.

27:28

Because our brains are not wired for this thing.

27:32

Like we haven't been wired for this.

27:32

Um but yet you're doing it in such a beautiful and pure way, which is why as I see your numbers rise and you get this is the number one, you know, podcast on iTunes.

27:44

I have so much joy for you because I'm like, "Oh my god, finally someone that I actually believe really cares is doing it."

27:50

But how do you how do you separate and like not go to bed at night thinking about the post you're going to have to do tomorrow?

27:58

Like and the and the interaction and the engagement that you have to have like to get people to swipe up. How do you do that?

28:05

So I think the first thing I'm going to say is I'm grateful, man. Thank you.

28:06

I really appreciate that coming from you.

28:09

Like it just it really it was very heart it's very it's very heart touching.

28:11

Like I'm feeling the reverberations and it's genuine.

28:14

Like I'm just very grateful to hear that from you.

28:16

Like it means it means a lot because it's not been easy and it's a daily practice and the first thing I'm going to say is I have an awesome team.

28:23

So that that is a huge part of it and as things grew, I really understood that I couldn't do it on my own.

28:31

And that if I tried to do it on my own, then that would get very difficult.

28:35

So I think one of the biggest things was recognizing I had to find people with good energy, find people who didn't just want to do this because they got paid to do it, but that they were also doing it because this was deeply connected to their mission in life And it was helping them fulfill their purpose.

28:48

And that's what I've always said to everyone on my team, it's like I want you to be doing a role that feels aligned with your purpose as much as it's aligned with mine, because it's not good enough for you to be here because you get paid to be here.

28:58

Like that's not And so I'm very fortunate to have an amazing team that that is doing that, so that I'm not having to think about everything all of the time.

29:05

So I think that's one big thing, but for me, I've had that daily practice for a long time, and I've talked about it a bit before, but I I call it seeds and weeds.

29:12

And that's my check-in system, and that's the check-in system from my Vedic tradition, Hindu tradition, of checking the seeds and weeds in my life.

29:21

So the way I take account is I ask myself at the end of every day, at the end of every week, or at the beginning of a new venture, or a new business, or a new project, and I ask myself, am I doing this as a seed or a weed?

29:33

The seed is a positive intention, which is a pure intention, and a weed is a negative intention, an intention that I know could start off amazing, but will end badly.

29:43

a negative intention So is an example Yes.

29:45

Give me an example of that. greed, ego.

29:47

If I'm doing something Like I'm doing this for Oh, there's a deal coming, and I'm going to do this just You know what?

29:52

It's going to make me a few grand, I'm going to do it. Correct. Yes.

29:54

So I would put that there.

29:54

And that's And that's different for different people.

29:57

Like yes, I'm in a I have to take point and say, I'm in a privileged position where now I can decide to do that, right?

30:01

And there was a time when I stuck to that even when I couldn't.

30:06

But I appreciate that not everyone can.

30:08

Yes, so I'm just putting it out there as a as a as a disclaimer for other people.

30:12

I'm not pushing that on anyone.

30:14

But for me, I know for a fact that if I'm doing something just We were talking about it earlier with guests.

30:20

Like I want to have guests here that I can have these conversations with.

30:21

Like there may be a guest that may get me the good numbers, and like be really good for my brand, but it's like if I've got nothing to talk to them about, or if we're going to sit here and just talk about their new CD, right?

30:33

I mean, nobody has CDs anymore, but you know, you talk about Then then I'm just like Sorry. Just showing my age.

30:38

But you You the point being that like if that's all you're going to do, like that's not exciting to me.

30:42

So, we me and my team when we're talking about guests that we want to have, we sit there and talk about like, "What would be the talking points?"

30:47

And like, you know, Jess would do the research and we'd be like, "Okay, well, let's talk about the meaningful stuff."

30:51

Like, we're trying to look at like, "How do we, you know?"

30:52

And so, I think for me a big thing is I don't want to do things out of ego, greed, just for money, right?

30:59

My own pride, or just for perception.

31:03

So, I'm looking at how can I do things out of kindness, love, compassion, service, right? Impact.

31:11

And and I can still be as strategic about it.

31:13

And that's the missing link I feel.

31:15

And this is all inspired by one statement by Martin Luther King.

31:16

He said that people who love peace need to learn to organize themselves as well as those who love war.

31:26

And that's the missing link.

31:26

That we can all be as spiritual and as deep and as pure as we like or trying to be, but if we're not strategic, and if we're not following, you know this cuz I see you do it, if we're not focused, and we're not organized, then we're doing a disservice to this beautiful message.

31:41

And I think what you pointed out so beautifully is I actually feel being a messenger of a message that is through me is actually liberating.

31:50

It takes some of the pressure off.

31:52

Cuz now I'm like, now it's not about me being perfect.

31:54

And now it's not about me having to live up to a certain standard.

31:58

And now it's not about me having to be perfect all the time and say the perfect things all the time, and look perfect all the time, and all of that stuff.

32:06

And and I think that's where it takes the pressure Do you still have Yes. the human moments Yes.

32:13

where you struggle with like, "Oh, that didn't do as well as I wanted it to."

32:18

Or, "Oh, that person didn't respond."

32:22

Or or just finding yourself maybe in a moment where you want to be just purely connecting with another human thinking about you know, the strategy of something tomorrow or, you know, do you still have those moments?

32:35

Yeah, so I I would say that I definitely have the moment of assessing I love assessing performance. Yeah.

32:42

Because I also think when I but it's the lens it through which you're assessing it.

32:45

So, let me explain what I mean.

32:46

So, I'm assessing like I would look at a post and be like, "Oh, people didn't like that video as much. Interesting."

32:51

But I'm not going, "Oh, people didn't like that video as much. Oh my god, I'm so sad. me. I'm depressed about it.

32:55

I my self-worth is now falling down.

32:57

Like, "Oh my god, maybe like my views are going to tank now and people are going to unfollow."

33:02

Like I'm not That's not the line of thought.

33:03

My line of thought is, "Okay, what can I learn? Why didn't that?"

33:06

Like, "Did we Did we spread the wrong message?

33:08

Was it not meaningful enough?"

33:10

Like, "Did we Did we use the wrong thumbnail?"

33:12

Like I'm like I'm trying to learn from it. Mhm.

33:15

And and ultimately it's coming from As a strategy, as a business, as organizing. Correct.

33:20

But what's so interesting is that I look and I see Instagram. Mhm.

33:22

And it's this strange intersection of people's personal lives and business. Mhm.

33:29

And it's very difficult to separate the two. Mhm. Right?

33:32

Because we're almost inextricably linked as personalities and as human beings Yes.

33:39

and as business and monetization platforms.

33:41

And that's what's never been discussed or talked about. Yeah. Right? You're right. I love that.

33:46

an example, you might share a post of you and your wife that has nothing to do with your business. Yes.

33:51

But then 90% of your other content is going to be about your business.

33:55

Granted your business specifically is to make a difference in the world.

33:57

And you as a And help people.

33:59

And mine, but I know that's that's been one of And and not to bring it back to me, but bring it back to me. back to me.

34:05

No, that's been one of the struggles that I've had is I had to take a step back.

34:09

And I had to say like, "Wait, what am I saying and what am I doing?" Mhm.

34:15

Because it's such a powerful tool. Mhm.

34:16

But as we know, tools can be used for good.

34:20

And tools can be used to destroy.

34:22

And I'm seeing so many negative things happening in in people's lives as individuals.

34:30

I'm seeing the dating world I feel I feel I have so much compassion and sadness for so many of the people that I'm seeing trying to navigate um uh themselves in this like social media uh instant gratification dating world.

34:49

I'm seeing uh we're seeing, you know, epidemic levels of depression amongst young people. Right?

34:56

Because of the likes and because of, you know, these are I mean I'm we were lucky.

35:00

We didn't have social media when we were, you know, I'm older than you, 35, but we didn't have it cuz like imagine that pressure. You know?

35:07

Um so I So yeah, so I look at it and I just said like, "Okay.

35:14

Why am I taking this picture?" Yes. It's that simple. It is that simple.

35:18

Why am I doing Why am I taking this picture?

35:20

And what I've been doing, you know, and I took it a little too far because I really haven't been posting nearly as much as I used to, is I I kind of took account as to why I was doing something, which really comes down to purity of intention, right? 100%. Why am I posting this?

35:36

Do I know it's going to get likes?

35:39

Or am I posting this because I like it? Yes.

35:41

And if you can just strip it down to that and start to battle the Pavlovian like instincts that come up when you're thinking about it, um then I think that you're on the right track.

35:52

And so that's kind of the world I'm in now, which is sharing far less far less personal moments.

35:58

Although I share personal moments, but I'm sharing them because I like them.

36:02

And I'm acknowledging and I'm aware of the thing in me that for some reason doesn't feel accepted when the strategy as the business person um isn't getting the response that I feel like it could or should.

36:16

Because I'm not like you in the sense where I I don't have a platform where I'm quite literally trying to affect and change people's lives all day long.

36:24

I'm I'm creating a different kind of content.

36:28

But, my world has come together with my personal life and my business, and it's a very tricky thing.

36:32

And you're seeing a lot of influencers and celebrities dealing with this kind of this this strange intersection of like business and personal life. The promotion of brands.

36:41

It's a very lucrative thing for people in our position like it with this privilege, but at the same time at what cost?

36:46

And what are we saying and how are we doing it and what are we showing?

36:50

And it's really trying to figure out and I'm and I'm on the journey of trying to figure out how I can do it in a pure way. Yes.

36:56

Cuz it's a necessary thing. Yes.

36:56

But I I need it to feel pure because I my my filter and my my accounting system is straight up like if this doesn't feel right or pure, I can't do it. Totally.

37:08

can't do it no matter how much you're going to pay me. Yes.

37:10

Um and that's and that's kind of the that's kind of the problem. Yeah.

37:14

So, that's kind of my issue with social media right now.

37:16

And uh and I'm also I'm also I don't even think you asked me this, but I've also been struggling and thinking a lot about just overall intention and I'm seeing this I'm seeing this trend in especially young people that want to change the world. Mhm.

37:32

And I don't know if anybody really knows why they want to change the world. Mhm.

37:37

And that's troubling to me.

37:37

In an age where everybody's trying to be more authentic, nobody is.

37:43

And that's scary for me thinking about my daughter's generation, which is why we at my company at Wayfair and personally, we don't say authentic anymore. We say sincere. Mhm.

37:51

Um you know, and I and I believe that you got to ask two to three whys, always. Yes. Sure.

37:59

Why do you want to change the world? Because.

38:00

Well, why do you want to do that? Because.

38:01

The third why is going to be because I want people to remember that I did. Or That's yeah.

38:10

And you know, you look at this hustle mentality, this world that we're living in on you know, where we're showing our lives to everybody and then I just look at them and I'm saying like, well, what's driving you to do that? Mhm.

38:19

Why are you sharing that?

38:21

Why are you broadcasting live on Instagram?

38:23

Who are you talking to and what are you trying to say? Right?

38:26

And sometimes I think about the future and wondering like if an alien civilization came down and discovered the remains of our of like of our 2019 2020, what would they see?

38:37

They'd see billions of people all over the world broadcasting themselves and taking pictures of themselves instead of seeing the moments around them.

38:45

And the other day it was funny, I took I when I took a month off we talked about taking a break.

38:48

I took a month off after 5 years of building the show and everything else to be with my family.

38:55

And the last few days I just left my phone somewhere completely.

38:57

And I was sitting in this restaurant by myself getting some food for my kids who were down the street.

39:05

And I didn't have my phone.

39:07

And I just remember looking around and I was just smiling.

39:12

Because like I was watching people.

39:15

And I went, "Oh my god, I've been missing life."

39:17

And I looked over and I saw they had this like Jenga set.

39:19

And I went over and I got and I just like played Jenga by myself.

39:25

And I would have never done that.

39:27

Because I would have been on some social platform or writing down some idea or answering an email.

39:32

And I would have missed the beauty that is right in freaking front of us.

39:38

And that's kind of the struggle that I'm having, my inner battle with it because we've never been trained.

39:41

Like we talked about masculinity, well men have never been trained to hold this conversation.

39:47

Never been trained to hold women like with like the female trauma.

39:49

We've never been trained to hold our trauma.

39:51

Well, as human beings we are not trained to live in a digital world where we're connected to our phones and and and being like liked or loved based on what we show.

40:05

Like it's not it's this our brains aren't used to it, especially if we don't have the spiritual foundation to keep us grounded so that our egos don't take over.

40:11

So, the long response to your question is that's what I'm thinking about right now.

40:16

It's how can I navigate this world?

40:18

How can we have this conversation where in the back of my mind I don't care how many downloads this podcast episode gets.

40:25

Like I'll I share a picture of us.

40:25

I don't care how many likes it gets.

40:27

If people like it, that's fantastic.

40:30

I hope Instagram gets rid of the likes.

40:34

You know, like we just do it because we love it. We want it. It comes from our soul.

40:39

Comes from our hearts and our desire to share what comes through us, not because it feels a void. Yeah.

40:42

Um and I have a lot of voids to fill.

40:48

And that's kind of what I'm uh exploring and on a journey of right now. I love that, man. That's amazing.

40:52

What a What a great uh I don't know. What a great reflection. That's awesome. I love it.

40:59

enlightened as uh many of your guests because I'm just in this I'm just realizing we're so we're you know, we I just No, but what I love about it and what what I'm glad and this is beautiful.

41:09

Like, you know, what the one thing I love about the podcast is I've no idea where it's going to go and this is exactly right now I'm having one of those moments where I'm just like I love where this is going and has gone so far because I'm just listening to you and and all I'm thinking is that actually that's the beauty of it that we are trying to learn about this new world and we're exploring it and we are going to make mistakes.

41:27

We are all going to post something that we know we did for the wrong reason and then we're going to reflect and be like, "Okay, I'm going to try this next time."

41:34

And okay, that didn't quite work. I got that wrong, too.

41:37

And so I feel like this constant self-reflection and self-checking.

41:41

That's all we have to And and what you mentioned about the three whys like I I've often referred to as the why ladder.

41:45

I'm like, "You need to build a why ladder and then you can walk up it if the whys stack up."

41:48

But if you can't answer them, that means you've got no rungs on that ladder. And start with two whys.

41:53

The first why is never enough. No, 100%.

41:57

You got to go with the why of the why. Yes.

41:59

And it's one of the things that if you like my daughter's four. Mhm. Why? Why? Why?

42:05

The fourth why there's no answer. Yeah. There's never an answer.

42:07

You can't get past the third. Yeah.

42:09

But like that curiosity, that wisdom can only come if we ask ourselves these whys. I love the why ladder. Like why why?

42:19

Just can you if you can get to the second why, you'll find that there's something missing.

42:23

And if we can get to the point where we can acknowledge the parts of ourselves that are uncomfortable and dirty, if we can get comfortable in the uncomfortable, the parts of ourselves that are doing things to fill that void, then like man, that's a recipe for happiness like no other.

42:38

Even if it's like Ooh, I don't like how that feels and you don't do it, great.

42:44

And we don't have to beat ourselves up because we failed.

42:47

That's the other part of it.

42:47

Like beat ourselves because lots of good can come from our doing things impurely. And we all going to. And we are going to. Nobody is pure. 100%.

42:56

And in the Baha'i Faith we're told that like we will never conquer our ego. Yes. Ever. Yes.

43:00

You can go be a monk for a billion years or 80 years.

43:03

You know, it's really funny.

43:05

This also made me think of something.

43:08

Baha'u'llah says in the Baha'i Faith he at one point he called the monks down from the monsters. He says, "Amazing. You found enlightenment. You found meditation.

43:19

You have perfected the art of uh of of silence. Now come down here Yes.

43:24

and put that into practice." Yeah. You're doing that.

43:28

I would say You're actually doing that.

43:30

Because it's you it's easy.

43:33

You can spend 60 years in a monastery and and practice all these things.

43:38

But can you practice it down on Hollywood Boulevard with 3 and 1/2 million followers, with a million people or 2 million people that download your podcast?

43:47

Can you practice what you've learned as a monk in the middle of superficiality and materialism?

43:55

That's what you're literally doing, man.

43:56

That's why I applaud you. Well, no.

43:57

That The crazy thing about it is that I've said to so many people that like being a monk was like going to school and then this has been the exam.

44:05

Like I've actually said it like that.

44:06

Like this has been the test of everything I've learned is the last 6 years since I left the the ashram. This has been the test.

44:13

And when we were trained in the Vedic philosophy, we would same thing.

44:16

So, I love the fact that we're so aligned on belief.

44:18

A, you'll never overcome ego.

44:19

No one's fully at enlightenment.

44:21

You're constantly in the path of purification.

44:24

It's all about sincerity of purpose.

44:24

So, I love the the use of the word sincerity.

44:27

And and the key thing was also that half of our day was silence and half was service because we were told it's easy to feel humble when you're on your own.

44:36

Like it's easy to feel you've overcome ego until someone challenges it.

44:39

So, if you're on your own all day, you can be like, "Oh, yeah, I've I'm over ego. Like I'm cool.

44:45

Like nothing can trigger me."

44:47

And then next thing you're like in the car on the Pacific Highway or whatever it is and then all of a sudden like, you know, you're like, "Oh my god, I'm full of anger."

44:52

And and it you're you're spot on.

44:54

And and therefore, I think that it's okay.

44:56

We just have to rapid awareness.

44:59

Like rapid awareness and stuff.

44:59

And that's what I always explain to people.

45:01

It's like you're not trying to make something disappear.

45:02

You're trying to spot it quicker.

45:06

And then you're trying to transform it quicker.

45:07

Like it's just a speed thing.

45:10

It's not a matter of yes or no.

45:10

I think we live in this binary world of one day I'm impure and one day I'm pure.

45:14

And it's like we both know it doesn't work like that.

45:19

But what does work is that I get quicker at spotting those moments.

45:21

And I get quicker at changing.

45:24

People ask me a lot um the effects that uh making My Last Days had on me. Mhm. Yes. Yeah.

45:32

And and for it My Last Days was a documentary series that I that I produced where I I've been traveling the country for seven or eight years telling the stories of people that are terminally ill.

45:40

But living amazing lives.

45:42

Um and there's something that happens to somebody when they find out they're dying that the reason I created the show was because I I wanted so badly for an audience to be able to have that same moment without giving being given the diagnosis. Mhm.

45:57

What if What if you could wake up and live as if you were told from the doctor you had 6 months? What would you do?

46:05

How would you treat people?

46:06

What would you care about? Right? That was my dream. That was my goal.

46:11

What I found was the thought of mortality and being around so many individuals who are so close to death um was that was that exact thing that you described.

46:24

It was the thing that in an argument with my wife or a friend or in the middle of deal points, you know, in a business was the thing that made me come back faster because at the end of the day it does that matter? Mhm.

46:35

Why am I reacting that way?

46:40

And when I leave here, how am I going to feel about it? Mhm.

46:42

Now, if you're dying and you have 6 months to live, it's just it's a totally different thing than if you feel like you have another 80 or 90, which none of us even know how long we have.

46:52

But this this this coming back faster is all that we really need to do.

46:54

It's what I talk That's what my wife and I talk about. It's great.

46:59

It's It's So what if we get in an argument?

47:01

But how fast can we come back?

47:03

My personal version of that is how fast can I apologize? Mhm.

47:08

Do I have to wait till the next day or can I do it almost the second that I say it?

47:13

And Abdu'l-Bahá in my faith basically says um in the future, the crime itself will be the punishment. Yeah.

47:24

The goal is to get to a place in civilization, right?

47:26

Where we are so spiritually grounded that the very act of the crime itself Mhm.

47:31

will be all the punishment that's needed. Mhm.

47:33

Like that's where we want to go. Oh, wow. we want to get. right.

47:38

Like So like how fast can we come back? Oh, I didn't feel good.

47:41

All right, I'm back on course, right?

47:44

it's like the pain of committing the crime is the punishment, right? That's it. Yeah.

47:46

It's that remorse, the dis- the knowing that we knowing that we displeased Right?

47:54

to get to, which is why when I say like all of these problems are spiritual in their core, Yes. you know?

47:58

Like you could look at everything. Like Yeah.

48:03

Like you talk about the the the prison industrial complex.

48:05

Like all of these things are are they're all broken, but they all have spiritual fundamental issues that if we just looked at them as you know, wow, wait a second. People change. Mhm.

48:16

Like I can change, you can change.

48:18

I just might have cursed at that person, but 3 seconds later I was in I was I was so regretful that I did.

48:24

Let me go apologize to that person.

48:26

I'm going to track that person down and say I'm sorry. Yeah. Right?

48:28

I think about that all the time when I'm driving in LA because there's so much road rage. Yes.

48:32

Road rage is getting worse.

48:32

Have you noticed by the way? Oh my god. It's getting worse.

48:34

Yeah, it comes Think about it.

48:36

There's a lot of reasons why it's getting worse, but like someone someone But someone drives by you, right?

48:41

And they like literally flip you off and you're like, did I do something wrong? Literally, it's Right?

48:47

And I I sometimes wonder if like what if that person then slowed down and said, "I'm sorry, I'm just having a bad day."

48:54

Because generally that person flips you off and then you then get pissed off and flip off the next person.

49:00

Or that ruins your day, right?

49:02

And it sends you down this spiral of negativity.

49:04

But can you do it on both sides?

49:07

Can you have instant reflection?

49:08

Can you fight with your partner or your wife or say something stupid and then and then immediately apologize and say why you're sorry, not just that you're sorry.

49:17

Oh man, this is why that happened. Yeah.

49:19

That's what we're getting to.

49:19

How fast can we come back? Yes. I love that.

49:21

I'm so glad you brought that.

49:22

That's such a beautiful statement.

49:24

And I love that practical aspect the practical aspect of it as guys going to questions like how fast can I apologize? Is a brilliant one.

49:31

But it's got to be from a sincere place.

49:33

100% 100% Because as you and I both know, as you and I as you and I both know, our partners know when the apology is real or not. Oh my god. Yeah, definitely.

49:40

It's like because my wife will tell me straight up like, "No, I don't believe you." Yeah.

49:43

And then I'll that'll piss me off even more.

49:45

So what do you mean that you don't believe me? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, "Why?"

49:50

And then I'm like, "All right. All right. Give me a second. Yeah. Right? And then you come back.

49:53

And what we found is like the faster you come back, the happier you are. Yes. Right?

49:58

You're never going to be a like completely without it. Absolutely.

50:01

If you are completely This is another podcast, but if you are completely without it, then you're not going deep enough. Mhm. Yeah, absolutely.

50:08

Yeah, the two things that always have to be specific are apologies and appreciation. Right?

50:11

You can't do either of them you thankful for? What are you sorry for?

50:16

Yeah, you can't do either of them with being generic.

50:18

But that ties back to the taking yourself to account thing as well. Right?

50:21

Getting super specific for yourself and for your creator of what am I What did go well? What am I thankful for? Yeah. Right?

50:29

Yeah, now you're going to get a taste of your own medicine.

50:30

So, I one thing I was going to say that I really love about what you're doing and the way you're doing it is that when I came to your movie premiere, which I was so grateful you invited me to Five Feet Apart Festival, it was a beautiful event.

50:43

It was so amazing to be a part of it.

50:45

It's the first movie premiere I've been to, actually.

50:48

So, I was really grateful to be invited.

50:49

I don't I don't usually go to the ones I've been invited to, but this felt special and I wanted to come because I just feel that you've genuinely tried to be of service through your media, so I was interested to see how you were going to do this one.

50:59

And this is what I loved about it.

51:03

And I was watching a movie which in and of itself is a is a story of two people, but which we'll talk about in a second and how you got there, but for me, I was learning gratitude.

51:10

I was learning forgiveness.

51:14

I was You know, if you were watching it sincerely, you were going to take away all these messages and I could tell that everyone was almost What's the right word?

51:25

Everyone was so engaged to watch it sincerely because the whole audience was in tears. Like the whole time.

51:29

And I for anyone who's not seen it yet, I highly recommend going to see it. Please go watch it.

51:35

It's I just saw it on my plane ride back home, too. Oh, no.

51:37

It was on my airline when I was It's so funny.

51:39

I always tell people, if you're going to watch it on a plane, just be prepared cuz your your partner's going to think you're having a nervous breakdown, your seat partner, you know.

51:48

Literally, yeah, exactly.

51:48

But if you haven't seen it, please go watch it.

51:49

I I went out to see it on the night that it came out when Justin invited me.

51:53

I've I've seen it twice after that.

51:54

And all I'm going to say is that people weren't just crying at the end.

51:58

Like people were crying the whole way through, but then they would laugh.

52:01

And then they would cry again, and then they would laugh.

52:03

And that's what's so beautiful about it that you were able to teach or at least share messages of gratitude, appreciation, forgiveness, love.

52:09

All of these things through crying and laughter.

52:16

And and I think that's very unique, and I think that's very special that you could go to a theater, go to a cinema, and watch a movie that was able to bring out all of those responses.

52:25

Like I'm sure people after they like called up the person they love and were just like, "I love you."

52:29

Like, you know, just I want you to know this in a good way. Yeah.

52:32

It was what's funny was that was my only goal. Yeah.

52:33

I mean, I had I had a few specific goals.

52:35

None of them were financial.

52:39

But one of them was if people cuz I got asked this question a lot before I made it and after is what would you hope an audience would do after like what do you hope the audience reaction would be?

52:48

And I always said if somebody left the theater and called somebody that they loved and told them Mhm.

52:52

then we will have succeeded.

52:55

Or forgave somebody that they were arguing with or apologized to somebody.

53:01

Or just noticed how lucky they were to be able to hold the hand of somebody they loved. Gratitude. All of these things.

53:07

So that was So thank you because that really was That was the goal, and the response has been incredible.

53:13

I think more than anything it was a human project.

53:18

You know, one of the Arabic words for human, right, is insan.

53:22

Which has infinite definitions.

53:22

Of course, it one of them means they who forget.

53:27

Which is funny that like insan means like they who forget.

53:29

Um and the idea, and this was, you know, my my partner at my production company is Muslim, and we were having conversations about this is one of like it's interesting that that's one of the words for human. Is that we forget Mhm. everything. We forget our joy. We forget our pain.

53:49

Like we just forget and it's both a blessing and a curse and part of the beauty of life is in the remembering, right?

53:55

The idea that God created us to remember him. Right?

54:00

Not to like like which means that he built us in a way that makes us also forget.

54:04

So then the journey to remembering is that much more beautiful and I think that that journey in a film should replicate the journey in life.

54:11

So for me a movie that makes you cry strips away all the stuff and the barriers.

54:20

Like it's like the Rumi quote, like all the barriers we built up against love. Yes.

54:23

It strips it all away and it leaves us open so that we can then take in a message.

54:26

So my strength I found early on was as a storyteller I both enjoy and and and and excel at making people feel things.

54:40

Which is why I would say like a mission statement for me is helping people take the journey from their head to their heart, right?

54:45

Um and that's essentially what the film was supposed to be is if we can strip people down and we can make them feel something deeply in this social media like instant gratification on demand society if we can like just make people feel, then we can create room and space for them to have that light bulb go off where they realize how grateful they are or how lucky they are or the fact that they can take a full breath.

55:12

Or how meaningless the argument that they're in is or the depression that they're facing because maybe they weren't invited to that party that they see all their friends are are at on Snapchat or Instagram or how many likes they got.

55:23

And you strip it all away and just sit there and watch something that just brings you back to what matters and helps you remember.

55:29

That was the goal of the movie and that's kind of the goal for all the content that we're creating is can you remember?

55:35

Can we remember how lucky we are and how beautiful life is and can be?

55:39

Cuz you can't have happiness unless you're content with what you have and and so uh so I'm happy that the response was that and also it was inspired by my friend Claire who passed away um who had cystic fibrosis, who was a walking example of that.

55:53

And she was featured in the second season of My Last Days and and she was the one that said like we all have the ability to make our lives a beautiful piece of art.

56:04

And um and you know, the hope is that people walk away from that movie having that experience, you know, and and crying a little bit and laughing a little bit and the laughter like after you cry, like something funny is that much sweeter. Yes, absolutely. Right?

56:17

And then after you laugh, something sad is that much more emotional.

56:19

But that all comes from real people.

56:21

My Last Days people think it's so depressing, it's inspiring. 100%.

56:24

Because like they're not just sad all the time.

56:29

They use humor half the like in many ways to deflect from the sadness and but it doesn't change the sadness.

56:33

But sometimes that stuff's funny.

56:37

And like, you know, it's just an extreme situation, so Yeah.

56:39

Yeah, man, it's been a really really beautiful experience and now I'm off to my next one. Yeah? Yeah.

56:44

You can't tell me anything about it, but yeah No, I can.

56:46

It's another It's another tearjerker, yeah.

56:48

It's based on another documentary.

56:49

We're making a movie at Warner Brothers called Clouds, based on the life of Zach Sobiech, who was uh it was a viral YouTube documentary that I had made.

56:56

He had written the song called Clouds and the week he died, the documentary went viral and the song hit number one on iTunes. Wow.

57:03

And it's basically a story about how this young 17-year-old chooses to live the last year of his life knowing that all of his other friends are going to college and how he chooses to spend his time and the impact that he wants to have on the world. I love that, man.

57:15

And this is this is what I'm saying, this is this is why I love the work you're involved in because it's it may not and you know, we both believe in this education entertainment world of like where you're able to enlighten through entertainment.

57:26

And I do believe that, you You was the reason why I came into this world and wanted to be involved was because I really saw that, too.

57:35

That I felt that we're always going to want to watch movies.

57:37

We're always going to want to watch documentaries.

57:40

We're always going to do that, but if the creators behind these can become more conscious, Yeah.

57:44

if all of us can come with an angle of okay, how is this why is this serving anyone? Right?

57:50

Beyond what you said, the monetization or any of that stuff.

57:54

Like, how is this really helping people?

57:55

Because in the world today, we have this dichotomy between Just as we have junk food, we have junk media. Mhm.

58:02

And if all you're consuming is junk media, that's going to destroy your insides in the same way junk food destroys your outsides.

58:08

And and that's where we're at.

58:10

So, with So, you're the only That's funny.

58:12

That was That was quite literally in an early deck when I was starting the company and begging people to make things with me that I said.

58:18

It was like, we are doing the exact same thing in television and media that we've done in the food system. Mhm. Right?

58:27

Which is where we're creating the low-hanging like this tastes really good. It's really sugary.

58:32

It's filled with all these natural like you know, natural flavors.

58:36

And then 5 minutes later, you feel terrible about yourself. Yeah.

58:37

And you know, there's so much content that's being created that make us feel better Mhm.

58:45

about being worse people. Mhm.

58:45

And we're really interested and you are, too, of how do you create content that makes people want to be better? Yes.

58:54

And finally, now we're in a place where that's becoming cool. Yeah.

58:59

Which is going to present an entirely new set of challenges. 100%.

59:01

Because we're going to find ourselves swimming in a ocean where everybody is now trying to make similar content. Yeah.

59:09

But there's going to be differences in the intention of why people are making the content, which is going to be the difference of why things work and why they don't. Mhm.

59:20

But for most people, they're not going to be able to see that, right?

59:23

It's like a I say this a lot, but it's like your grandmother's cooking. Yeah.

59:28

You can make the exact same thing that you could get at a restaurant. Absolutely.

59:31

But this your grandma's tastes so much better. Yes.

59:35

The ingredients could be identical. Yes.

59:37

But she made it with love. Yeah.

59:39

That's the That's the same approach that we have that I know we both share with content.

59:43

And it's going to be really tricky in the next That's my prediction in the next 5 years.

59:46

I think you're Is Is there's going We're going to be so saturated with like you know, the the the gurus and the change your life and the content that does good in the world that that we're going to have to really be mindful of the three whys. Yes.

1:00:02

You know, that's why I always ask people like, "Well, why?" Why? Why?

1:00:07

Because if you because if it's not coming from that other place, then that means that it might look the same, but but behind it Yes. you know? Yes.

1:00:14

the iceberg underneath it isn't isn't really doing anything for anybody.

1:00:18

And then for people like us, we're going to have our own challenges, man. Mhm.

1:00:21

Which is the more successful anyone gets, the more of a test it is for the purity of the reasons we create. Absolutely.

1:00:31

Um and nobody is exempt from that. 100%.

1:00:34

And my teacher keeps reminding me.

1:00:36

I've I've actually invited you to an event Yeah, I'm going I hope you can come. I want you to meet him.

1:00:41

So he's he keeps me in check.

1:00:41

Cuz he's he's 70 years old.

1:00:44

He's been a monk for 40 years.

1:00:45

for 40 years. He comes out and travels and and meets and he's he's he's with us here at the moment and he's someone who just Me and my wife were talking about the other day because he can say things to me that if most people said There are people in your life that you need that can say

1:01:00

things to you that no one else can say and that you will listen to it and that your ego is naturally limited because you have just so much respect for them and I feel like you need people like that in your life who you trust to the point where you even when my ego really wants to respond to him and justify myself and and it still does. You shut up and listen. You shut up and listen.

1:01:17

and I shut up and listen.

1:01:17

And and that's like such a benefit to have someone like that in your life.

1:01:21

Well, we're very privileged to have those people. Yeah.

1:01:22

Most people don't have those people. Yeah.

1:01:24

So, then for anybody listening, find those people if you don't.

1:01:27

Look for Surround yourself with people that tell you the truth. Yes.

1:01:30

I was telling my sister this last night.

1:01:32

Just it's so like truth even if it is can be hurtful Mhm. is so important. Mhm.

1:01:40

However, like in giving of the truth then we have our whole then then you know There's What's this quote that I love?

1:01:45

I was telling her um not everything that a man thinketh can be disclosed. Mhm.

1:01:49

Not everything that a man discloseth can be considered as timely.

1:01:52

And not every timely utterance can be considered suitable for the one who hears it.

1:01:58

It's a quote from Baha'u'llah.

1:01:58

So, this idea is not everything that you think can be said. Mhm. You're right?

1:02:02

And then you just It's like the three wise.

1:02:04

And then you have to really think about when you're saying and when you're giving that feedback. Yes.

1:02:08

Um but maybe we can also be that for each other. Yeah, I'd love that. That'd be amazing.

1:02:13

No, I'd appreciate I think we need more people in that category in our lives who can do that and you're forced to shut up and listen because you want to and I I want to ask you some some advice now because even though you you know, and I'm not doing it have much advice to give, my man. no, I'll tell you why. I'm not a father yet. Oh.

1:02:29

And and me and my wife obviously want to have kids at some point and and the reason why I'm asking you this is I'd love to hear how you've been trying Mhm.

1:02:37

to pass on whatever you have or to learn from your children too in this process because I know it's a two-way thing, you know. It is, man.

1:02:45

Like I think our our children teach us more than we teach them. Yeah.

1:02:49

Especially in the first few years.

1:02:52

Um my kids one of the things that I'm try I'm actively working on is trying to see the world the way they do. Mhm.

1:03:00

I don't know why or how we forget the wonder of like the fact that somehow like these like our body like like we've we've come into existence from like not from any will of our own doing. Mhm. So, we're here.

1:03:20

And all of this is happening and everything was somehow built and created and we're just like Yeah. Yeah.

1:03:30

Yeah, that's Hollywood Boulevard. Yeah, yeah.

1:03:32

Like No, that's Hollywood Boulevard.

1:03:36

Like but what's underneath that?

1:03:36

Like woah, the sun rises and sets.

1:03:40

The stars like my kids look at all of this and they're so curious. Yeah.

1:03:43

And we're just like that's old news. Mhm.

1:03:45

But is it like stars really?

1:03:48

Like is it old news the fact that what we're looking at doesn't actually exist today and it's millions of light-years away?

1:03:54

That those are balls of gas that were planets that were what were once there or not there or stars?

1:04:00

It's like like we forget and then we just get and then we're just like Yeah.

1:04:05

we're like oh, did I get how many likes did that get? You know?

1:04:09

Um and my kids are looking at the world with so much wonder and that's something that I'm really interested in and excited about that I try to remind myself like I stop and I look at the world and I look at the fact that I'm driving a car. Mhm.

1:04:23

Like we're driving a car or you're flying on a plane.

1:04:25

Like have we have we ever just like how often do you stop and you look at like that thing weighs 100 tons and yet it's somehow in the air?

1:04:33

Like it's like the world is magical, man. Like we're spinning.

1:04:35

My my wife my wife often talks about the moon and so Maya's obsessed with the moon.

1:04:42

And trying to explain to her what the moon is.

1:04:45

And then you And explaining to her what the moon is, you're like oh my god, that's freaking cool. Yeah.

1:04:49

Like we're actually what Look, what are we looking at? Yeah.

1:04:51

How big that thing is, how we're rotating and how the moon's rotating and there's the sun. Yeah.

1:04:58

So, that's something that's exciting to me is looking at the world with wonder and I think in terms of what I'm trying to pass on to them uh I'm trying to do a few different things.

1:05:08

One of the things I'm trying to do is is is show that I'm not perfect. Mhm.

1:05:14

Because I think the moment that we realize our parents are human Love them.

1:05:19

is one of the hardest moments of any person's life. Yes.

1:05:21

Um and I want her growing up and him growing up to see me as as just like what I'm talking about today, which is I'm just trying to figure this out. Mhm.

1:05:31

And hoping that me asking questions and digging in and my wife doing the same will give them a completely new set of tools that unfortunately most of the world doesn't have right now, which is introspection. Yes.

1:05:45

Um and also, of course, raising them with faith from an early age, but explaining that faith has to be practiced, right?

1:05:51

And by faith we're told that faith is the fewness of words and the abundance of deeds. Mhm.

1:05:57

You know, teaching them that it's about doing, right? Faith is about doing.

1:06:03

Um the ways that that's practically happening, you know, is when things happen, it's like a real-time explanation of why daddy's crying or why mommy's upset.

1:06:13

And understand teaching them that it's not about them or when you lose your temper, explaining that I'm just overwhelmed and but this is not your fault.

1:06:24

Um I'm doing this thing now where I'm teaching my son where his heart is. He's 20 months old.

1:06:31

And I was thinking about practically all the things that I didn't learn, not because my dad wasn't able to teach me, but because it wasn't in his like orbit.

1:06:39

And so I'm teaching him where his heart is, physically first. Mhm.

1:06:43

And then I'm starting to also teach him all the things that his heart can do.

1:06:46

So I wrote a song the other night called Show Me Your Heart, right?

1:06:50

So we're like literally singing about like show me your heart.

1:06:54

Um and now they sing it and I say, "Where's your heart, Maxwell?"

1:06:57

And he just goes, "Here."

1:06:57

And then it's about saying, "Well, you know your heart is the strongest muscle in your body, right?

1:07:02

Of course it's good to have Yeah.

1:07:04

muscles, but nothing is stronger than your heart, right?

1:07:09

With Maya we do this thing when we put them to sleep at night and and I anybody's I don't share this in a way of saying like this is the right way to do it or look at us, but we go through attributes because we believe the only way you can know God is through his attributes, right? His it attributes.

1:07:28

So we talk about all the things that she is starting with brave and strong, kind, patient, resourceful, powerful, beautiful, noble, and we go through this long list and she repeats after me and after my wife every single night.

1:07:45

And then we talk about all the people that she loves and then always ends with her loving God and then her loving herself and being enough.

1:07:50

And now we're doing that with Maxwell, but he can't say all the things.

1:07:54

So but his first words that he's learned are these attributes of God. Right. Right?

1:08:00

All of these attributes and then what happens is things happen during the day Mhm.

1:08:04

and we're finding little ways to connect what happens during the day with the words that she's learning at night. Mhm.

1:08:10

And the words that he's learning at night. Mhm.

1:08:12

So if she shares something with her brother, we talk about how Maya, see? You're giving.

1:08:20

Or see you're selfless, right?

1:08:20

These attributes because we believe that that most of the most of our spirituality develops before the age of five. Yes. Yeah.

1:08:33

And and so those are some of the ways and then also just making sure that we're that like they know that we're flawed and that's going to be critical as they get older is explaining that like Daddy doesn't know what to do here or Daddy messed up.

1:08:44

Here's what Daddy did wrong.

1:08:46

And here's how we're learning about it and so that I don't have to fall from grace when they're in their 20s.

1:08:54

Cuz that's going to happen Yeah. inevitably. Yeah.

1:08:56

There's going to be that moment where I'm not a superhero, right?

1:08:57

And also making sure that they know that I can't fix everything and I can't save the world.

1:09:02

I can't save everything, but I'm going to do my best. Mhm. I love that, man. That's so awesome.

1:09:06

And And I love the fact that you're also setting this It's It's setting an example in a human way.

1:09:12

And I think that's the balance.

1:09:14

It's like you're setting an example in a human way, and I love that.

1:09:15

And And I see you doing that, and I haven't been with you yet, and I really want to when you next do it, the Skid Row Carnival of Love that you do.

1:09:22

Oh, that's my favorite thing to do. That's my special thing.

1:09:26

But I 100% want to turn up with you because I've seen it.

1:09:27

I've I've only witnessed it through social media.

1:09:30

Thank Thank you for social media to be able to see what you do.

1:09:33

And I've been traveling when you've done it here, and you've invited me in the past, and I really want to join next time you do it because I think it's like this, you know, for your kids to grow up and see that and not see you as Superman as like the perfect person, but it see you as someone who's wanting to make a practical difference, too.

1:09:47

Like being out there, doing things.

1:09:49

I mean, that to me is is so special because I think when when children grow up and see their parents doing things that they don't need to do in one sense, or whatever it may be, or oh, yeah, there's, you know, I give money to something, or, you know, I we do this that's good.

1:10:06

But when you're giving your time and your energy like Time is our most valuable resource. Mhm.

1:10:12

And, you know, it's one of the reasons why I think it's so great that you start every one of your podcasts by thanking people for their time. Mhm.

1:10:17

Um cuz when you give your time um that's a true act of love.

1:10:22

It's one of the reasons why So, I have this quote um from Abdul Baha.

1:10:26

My This is in my wife's handwriting.

1:10:29

Um and it says this is like the the It's like the essence of so much of the way that we try and attempt to live.

1:10:36

Where there is love, nothing is too much trouble, and there is always time.

1:10:42

And this idea of of course time is limited, but when you love something, right? There's always time.

1:10:49

And how is love manifest? In deeds. Mhm.

1:10:53

Um so, that's kind of what it's core really what it it all comes down to is what are we choosing to give our time to.

1:10:58

Um which is one of the biggest struggles living in 2019, 2020, right?

1:11:00

Living in this modern day which there's so many things that want to take our time.

1:11:06

Um this Skid Row Carnival just for 2 seconds.

1:11:08

I would That's just the coolest day ever.

1:11:10

It's a day of human kindness.

1:11:10

And from the outside in it looks like a big carnival in the middle of one of the worst man-made disasters in our country, Skid Row.

1:11:17

We clearly have an epidemic of people experiencing homelessness in Los Angeles as the, you know, the data just came out and we're like skyrocketing through the roof.

1:11:24

Um and it's really a uh was a way to figure out how to use like the perceived celebrity and coolness to actually create real, you know, to real impact and change.

1:11:36

And so we started with trying to create an event that brought people all to the worst place in Los Angeles and and physically transformed it into a day of just joy and love.

1:11:50

And it's one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced because for one day you cannot tell who's homeless and who isn't.

1:11:59

You cannot tell who's rich or who's poor.

1:12:01

Who's who's struggling with an addiction or a mental illness or not, right?

1:12:05

Because chances are both sides are.

1:12:08

It is a day where everybody comes together and sees each other as one.

1:12:14

You don't see people on their phones.

1:12:15

People aren't taking selfies.

1:12:15

People show up to work, to be of service on both sides.

1:12:22

And the way it works is we uh we have this day where we partner with all these service organizations.

1:12:26

We bring all the people together that are competing for the same money from the government and from the state.

1:12:32

And we bring them all together to offer all the services in one place.

1:12:36

And we create a day where one volunteer gets partnered with one guest who's experiencing homelessness and they walk through this experiential carnival together.

1:12:43

And of course there's the superficial things like food and clothing.

1:12:47

Um there's like gorgeous barbecue and truckloads of clothing and toys for kids.

1:12:51

But then there's all the other things.

1:12:53

There is psychologists, there's social workers, there's the DMV for ID cards, there's housing initiatives, there's dental, there is medical, there's a there's eye exams, there's glasses for people that can't see.

1:13:03

Um there is blood tests, HIV tests, there's triage for people that have open wounds on their feet.

1:13:08

Like you name it, it's there.

1:13:11

There's haircuts, there's manicures, pedicures, feet washing.

1:13:13

We We wanted to create this experiential day, but all the guests are providing the service, and it's a one-on-one connection.

1:13:21

Um and that and what came out of that was an idea to take it further, and we created the it's called the one-to-one program, where we're now taking as a pilot program 100 uh volunteers, and we're partnering them with 100 people experiencing homelessness or extreme poverty that want to be a part of this program for 1 year of friendship. That's wholesome.

1:13:43

And then we're going to fund the friendship in the sense that we're going to give every volunteer a $500 gift card that can only be spent on the friendship. Mhm.

1:13:50

And based on the exact needs of that individual.

1:13:53

So if that person maybe needs Maybe they just need a night away from where they are or a new a new outfit for a job interview, or whatever it or maybe they just need to go see a movie.

1:14:05

Or they just go have coffee together.

1:14:07

Whatever it is, it's about building this friendship, and then we provide the support to both of them via all the different service providers that we know.

1:14:14

Cuz I believe that the one thing we're not doing when we're looking at the that the the problem of homelessness, is we're not addressing it from a human standpoint, which is like forget about addiction.

1:14:27

First of all, everybody needs housing.

1:14:29

I'm a big housing first initiative, because you can't get your life together unless you have housing, right?

1:14:31

Imagine trying to go to a job but sleeping on the street, or trying to show up on time somewhere, or trying to battle depression or your abuse or your substance abuse addiction, which is always caused by past trauma, without having a freaking place to live.

1:14:46

We are totally backwards the way we're approaching the issue.

1:14:48

However, why aren't we looking at it from a place of human to human connection saying, you matter. I see you. I love you. You belong in society.

1:14:57

There is nothing different between you and me. I'm not otherizing you.

1:15:02

I'm bringing you in and what can I do to help?

1:15:06

We're not looking at it from that point.

1:15:08

Yes, let's put people in housing.

1:15:08

Let's Yes, let's get people help, but let's also see if we can like create awareness by building friendships.

1:15:14

So, we're testing this program.

1:15:16

We're seeing what happens.

1:15:18

We're seeing what results come from it.

1:15:20

My hope is that it can become a scalable solution to people that have servant-oriented hearts that want to actually feel like they're doing something.

1:15:29

And and with people that want to get off the street or want to create want to have an actual friendship.

1:15:33

And what we found is that there are people on both sides that want the same thing.

1:15:38

So, let's bring them together and, you know, we'll see what happens. That's beautiful, man. Crazy.

1:15:41

I'm so glad you're doing all this and you haven't figured it out yet. I haven't. It makes me happy.

1:15:46

It makes me happy. No, and I know No, I know you're honest and sincere when you say that, but what I'm saying is imagine imagine not that we ever figure it out, but no, imagine as you grow even more and more, we're going to be so grateful as a world to have so many of

1:15:59

your gifts in a you know, and and receive all of them because I'm so happy to to speak to you today and hear from you and hear about all the incredible work you're doing across the board and the fact that you haven't figured it out, that gives me a lot of faith. nor will I ever. Well, and and that's nor will I ever.

1:16:12

Well, and and that's what I've loved about you.

1:16:14

You know, we we brought up Marvel earlier.

1:16:15

Like that's what I love about superheroes like, you know, superheroes are not perfect. No.

1:16:20

And we have this viewpoint which when you look from an untrained eye, you think of the Marvel superheroes as perfect, but they're not. They've all got flaws.

1:16:26

They've all got origin stories.

1:16:28

They've all got issues, but they're still trying to do their best, right?

1:16:31

They're still going out there and trying to save the world and trying to make a difference with all their flaws.

1:16:36

And they're working through their flaws in the background behind the scenes when you don't see them.

1:16:40

I've always thought of superheroes as our parents. Yeah.

1:16:41

They're just our parents. Mhm.

1:16:43

Like all Superman is is our father who's trying to figure it out. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Um but yeah, man.

1:16:48

But no, it's I I I really appreciate it. Thank you for having me. No, I'm so so grateful.

1:16:55

probably went way over on time. is perfect.

1:16:56

We We still have We end every episode with the final five, which is a final five rapid-fire quick-fire round. Oh god. Okay.

1:17:02

It's You can either answer in one word or one sentence maximum. No more than that. You'll be fine. You'll be fine.

1:17:07

I did not I I forgot that we had to do this. Yeah.

1:17:09

Okay, so question number one is what is the best advice you've ever received?

1:17:18

All right, the best advice I ever received is from somebody who's who's very near to passing away, actually.

1:17:23

He was He's a very dear friend.

1:17:26

And I was in the early part of my relationship with my wife and we were struggling cuz it was not easy.

1:17:31

Um and he told me whatever my emotions are telling me to do, do the opposite.

1:17:42

Um if it's not coming from the pure sincere place of love, my reaction, my emotional reaction to something, is the thing that I need to run from.

1:17:53

Um and it single-handedly, I think, saved my relationship, which became my marriage.

1:17:58

Because our insecurities were triggering each other.

1:17:59

And everything that I was doing was not working.

1:18:01

And I just wanted to like overcome it and push.

1:18:04

And uh and he sat me down and he's like And he was And he's And he was a He's a chi gong master and a martial artist and a meditator.

1:18:12

He would meditate for like 6 hours a day.

1:18:13

He would say, "Do the opposite of what you're feeling when it doesn't come from love."

1:18:19

So, his name uh His name's Marvin, so sending him tons of love. I love it, man. It's awesome. Sending him love, too. Awesome. Love that.

1:18:26

Question number two, what's the worst advice you've ever received? Oh my god. Uh I can't think of one.

1:18:36

I've received so much to so many so many so much terrible advice. Um, you stump me. Okay. That's cool. Uh, yeah. I I can't think of one.

1:18:48

Here's what Here's Here's what's coming up. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:18:53

Any advice another parent gives to another parent that's unsolicited. Okay. Good.

1:18:57

Actually, here's the answer to the question.

1:18:58

The worst advice I ever received is unsolicited advice. Nice. That's good. I like it. Okay, good. That's a good answer.

1:19:06

Okay, I'm going to help anyone time a guest struggles with that I'm going to bring that up as Unsolicited advice because because it's not asked for and you know Question three, something you're trying to learn right now.

1:19:18

Something I'm trying to learn right now?

1:19:19

Yeah, something you're like wanting to learn right now that you're working on. Learning.

1:19:22

Um, I'm re-wiring my brain right now via something called neurofeedback because I actually have a very addictive brain and and a and I struggle a lot with stillness.

1:19:33

And my meditation comes from moving and I want to be able like you to sit in stillness and meditate because I believe that uh, through stillness and through quiet and meditation as Abdul-Baha says the the mysteries of the universe are revealed.

1:19:50

And so I'm really working right now on actively quieting my brain and sitting and and meditating. That's awesome. I love it.

1:19:56

Question number four, something that you're trying to share at the moment, something you're trying to teach, something you're trying to give.

1:20:02

Um, something I'm trying to teach and give is that uh, I really believe that service is the key to everything.

1:20:19

Um, and and ambition and service can sometimes be in direct conflict. Mhm.

1:20:26

Uh, and uh, and stripping it all down to the whys, right? Mhm.

1:20:30

Like why are we wanting to be of service? Mhm.

1:20:32

So that's the thing that I'm really interested in exploring and teaching right now is asking people to dig into why they really want to do something.

1:20:40

Why do you want to be of service? Great. Why do Why that? Why that? The three whys. I love that.

1:20:44

And question number five, I've never asked this to anyone on the show before, but when are you and your wife coming over for dinner?

1:20:51

Uh as soon as we get an invite.

1:20:52

I'm so so excited for for all of us to hang out Yeah, me too.

1:20:57

We'll need to have a full way into your something. We should. We should totally.

1:21:01

Cuz we're my wife and I are really interested in We've had so many people come to us um about marriage. Yes. Yes.

1:21:09

And this idea of goals and thinking that we're perfect and all these things and we are constantly trying to tell people that it's the opposite of that.

1:21:15

It takes real, substantial, uncomfortable work.

1:21:21

And we only show the 20% of our lives that we want people to see, that we project.

1:21:27

And Emily and I are really really excited.

1:21:28

We're going to be diving in and possibly even creating content around dating and marriage because we just see so many people that want it, but don't realize what it takes.

1:21:39

Um and I feel like you and your wife are similar there.

1:21:40

So But we have to be careful because us together, we're just going to, you know, we'll probably end up coming up with too many things and we don't have the time to to do everything. Yeah. No, I love it. Justin, you're amazing. Thank you so much.

1:21:51

Everyone who's been listening and watching, if you got this far, I'm so grateful. Thank you so much.

1:21:55

If you If you listened the whole way through, I appreciate it so much. It means so much to us.

1:21:59

I'm guess I'm My prediction is most of you will make it all the way through Oh my gosh.

1:22:04

I won't take it personally. phenomenal to listen to.

1:22:06

I was I'm going to go I'm genuine and I genuinely mean this, I'm going to go back and listen to this episode again and make notes because there were multiple times where I was like, if this wasn't a conversation, I wish I had a phone in my hand to take notes.

1:22:15

I wish I was writing notes.

1:22:17

So I'm going to go back, listen again. I highly recommend it. Go Go ahead.

1:22:20

Go and find three things in here.

1:22:23

Go and find one thing in here that you can practice for the next week.

1:22:25

That's what I'd love for you to do is find one thing in here that really resonated with you, that really connected with you, and for the next 7 days, the next month, just try and practice that in your life.

1:22:34

Because if you can make it relevant, if you can make it real, then you can just take one thing away and start implementing in your life.

1:22:40

That is where you'll make the biggest changes.

1:22:41

Not just posting the quote on Instagram, not just sharing the shareable moment, but actually trying to live that every day.

1:22:48

So, I highly recommend that you do that.

1:22:50

I think Justin gave us a choice of at least 100 million ideas that you could try and implement.

1:22:54

So, just try and pick one.

1:22:56

Thank you so much, Justin. Thank you so much, man.

1:22:57

I'm so grateful, honestly. Thank you, man. Love you, man.

1:23:00

If you want even more videos just like this one, make sure you subscribe and click on the boxes over here.

1:23:05

I'm also excited to let you know that you can now get my book Think Like a Monk from thinklikemonkbook. com.

1:23:14

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