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all of these things that I do Amplified this in a way the the actor the writer the songwriter the movie writer the you know producer the choreographer the dancer I think for the first time I was like no I'm going to take all of the
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things I do and put them all on this I'm so glad we're still here just here you know and be able to have a conversation and to to tell the story I've seen so much more heard the music first in love with the album Still Love
0:37
the album more thank you so often when you get asked to go into rooms and hang out with artists to listen to music the last place they want to be is in that room while you listen to it and very rarely but it does happen you you encounter an experience where someone is so proud of what they've made that they can't wait to embellish and tally what's behind it that's what this is to you isn't it you're so proud of this record
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and everything I think it's the kind of most honest record that I've ever made and I feel very connected to it because of that it's it's it's not just personal it's like my my my whole heart on the wax you know what I mean it's my
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whole heart in the air in The Ether now and I um really feel like as I shared the music I wasn't just sharing music I was sharing a feeling a message a a bigger idea about you know and that's why it just didn't end with the music for me I
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realized that there was as I made the music um and thinking about this is me then to this is me now and those 20 years in between that there was a real journey that happened and there was a lot of things that I never even looked at and then I started and I was like well there's there's a bigger it's not just this beautiful kind of celebration of love and Second Chances and the idea of you know true love in a way it was more than that it was more
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than that and this is me now became more than that and there was more of the story to tell and so and that's why I decided to make the movie and uh and film the process we you know filed the process of it as well which became a documentary I think it's a beautiful thing to witness because what it actually we wrong we thought this was part two the love story part two right this was unrequited to requited the rare healing of a broken heart with the
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person who was part of the original heartbreak that's what we focused on a year ago kind of and I know now that I've seen everything as well as heard everything to some degree that you want to show which is everything yeah yeah um
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well I think it's about you isn't it wasn't it about you wasn't it about you what you realized is that it's always about you yeah that everything is about you all the things that you think are wrong all the things you think are great
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all the things you think you can do better you know everything is about you um and sometimes we focus so much on people and how they feel about us and what they think about us and how we want them to love us and how we want to love
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them and all of the things and we forget that everything that's being created in our life is us it's nobody else you know yeah we can be affected by certain things if we allow people to affect Us in different ways but the truth is it's
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really about you and your journey and what you're going to make of your life and how you're going to create it and how much you're going to kind of learn to accept who you are um that's a big one yeah that's a big one and and to do that you sort of have to acknowledge who you were and you have to and in a lot of respects that the journey that you are on you weren't necessarily in charge of the starting point on that it wasn't by
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design it just happened and I mean you would not only acknowledge that in the film and in the documentary you start the album with it the opening line is so personal yeah about your mother and about the idea of what you invest your
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life into whether or not it was the right use of your energy and your time and how that won't be you that's a powerful observation yeah I think you know the first line of the record of the whole entire album and uh well first of
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all the the title track which you know sometimes rarely happens that you actually that title track really defines the whole project and this is me now when we wrote that record on the first day um that we were in the studio day
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one day one we wrote greatest love story never told and this is me now you wrote the book ends on day one yes and I was like that's it we have the beginning we have and I knew it I said this is me now it's going to start the record greatest
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love story never told is going to end the record wow now we just have now we just have to get the rest of it yeah but hon yeah but honestly I've been doing this for so long do you know how often people are waiting for the the center of
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something to show up often you have the bone the organs in the flesh but you haven't got the heart you got the heart on day one yeah I I think when I walked in there with that book and I you know kind of presented it to everybody which
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you I I shared this with you in the listening session this this book that that was a gift that my husband gave me on our first Christmas back together um um and it just had all these letters and uh correspondences that we had from the time we were together years ago and then when we got back together and there was a few emails in between that were very kind of like cordial but he also kind of put our story in there in that book and
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we had all these letters and he's a writer so he writes long beautiful poetic letters and I bought it in there and that kind of really set the tone for everybody to understand what the mission was like we're going to put this feeling
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of this journey and what we what I've learned about love which I've been searching for my whole life what is it what does it mean does it exist into this record and we're going to show people through this music a celebration
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of love but really that true love exists and forever some things do last forever I think people you know get we all get sold this kind of bill of goods like these magical things don't exist in life and they do magic is out there it magic is real real but it but you have to work to hold on well that's why the whole story was not the album yeah right the whole story has to do with how you get there and the things that the the the
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difficult really challenging things we have to go through as people to learn ourselves and to understand ourselves and to get to a place where we can do the thing that human beings are meant to do in this life which is love love each
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other right like that's the big mission it's like that's that's the goal that's the thing that you know if you get to the end of your life you go I love somebody and they loved me too and I left that I I got to experience that as
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a human being like that's that was always the goal for me yeah but no but no the go the goal was this everything that's in this room right the goal was the p and the the love story on wax that's the that's the that's the dream of it right the art of it yes beautiful but true love is having the person your soulmate sit on camera and see a side of you that you didn't even see yourself until you did the work recognizing that only you can go through
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that experience to truly learn to love yourself that's true love that's real soulmate well what what it is is it it allows you the love when allows you the kind of like bed to lie and to look at those things because I think when I was on my own all those years and in and out of different relationships um I was wondering you know why things didn't go in a way that I wanted them to go cuz I had the best intentions with these relationships and
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I think those people did too and I was like why and the thing was is I had to figure out myself the thing was I wasn't looking at it I never felt safe enough to really look at it I just had to keep going cuz things hurt and it was hard
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and I didn't understand it and I was trying to figure it out and and so when Ben and I got back together we I was able to he was like well aren't you upset about some of these things that happened I'm like no I'm good he's
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like well he made it safe for me to look at myself in a lot of ways that I just hadn't done and now that I was older and had done a lot of work on myself I was able to recognize that and go well yeah I do need to look at those things and the the experience of making the record and being so happy and celebratory and then delving deeper and deeper into the journey that it took to get there which was you know harrowing at times and painful and
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tough and not and not pretty oh yeah my therapist said to me when I first went and found the right therap on the 1.0 therapy not the 2.0 therapy the first time and said um what do you want I said I want to go back I don't want to be here let me go back to that place where I I didn't realize there was anything wrong and I was just pisul unaware ignorance can be Bliss and he said I got good news and bad news he said the bad news is you can't you're
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here there's only one way forward the good news is it's going to be tough but if you do the work you'll be so much happier than you it's going to be so much better yeah it's going to be so much better and what you realize is just
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it doesn't go just to your relationships it goes way back further than that to when you were a little kid goes back to the first first line on this album it goes back I watched my mother miss out on her life that's it and it's a
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heartbreaking thing I don't my mother hasn't even heard this yet I don't think we're live right now oh we're live I said she has not heard it yet and actually I am going to play her the record I think you probably should no I want to and I know she's going to be like well what do you mean by that and and all kinds of things and it'll open up a whole conversation and I I'm actually looking forward to that with her to tell her how I feel about all
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those things was that was that line was it was in writing that line on day one and recognizing that who you became in many respects started as a child like it does with all of us recognizing simple things that most people don't think are going
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to stick for some reason that sticks in you and then that work e that kicks in and being a middle kid and trying to figure out what your role in all this was like no one works harder than you that's firmly established but yeah that
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can be a positive thing it can also be a really powerful distraction oh it's can be it's incredibly unhealthy it's a distraction it's totally dysfunctional on a certain level and I think too that was part of looking at myself and learning myself and understanding that that was you know part of who I was yeah but I think the powerful thing about this is me now is it is about accepting all the parts of yourself and embracing them fully and
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really celebrating all theed up things about you and all the beautiful things about you cuz we all have both of those things and if you can learn to kind of look at yourself in the mirror and go go you know what I am a workaholic I do work too
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much I do wish I had done this better and done that better and I stayed in that relationship too long and I didn't treat myself well and I wish I could have been you know more uh aware of myself and how I was
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coming off to people awareness is one of the H all of those things right like I wish but also like and also I forgive myself those things so this is me now when I first heard the title after this is me then thought this is me now in
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love and everything's worked out beautifully but I realize now that there's an element of take it or leave it to that title it's deeper it's deeper than that there's an element is that it is this is me now and this is me then
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are the two moments of C two very celebratory moments of being completely and totally in love with the person that you know you is your soulmate yeah that the person you want to be with yes I found him then didn't work out when and was it an unrequited love Ben and I always loved each other we had work to do he had work to do and I had work to do I think and that you didn't know that at the time you couldn't honestly say at the time we
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we're breaking up we go work to do see you back here in 20 years baby got no no I'm not saying I'm saying that in retrospect now looking back on it I realized that what it was at that moment it was just a heartbreak like we for
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some reason we just can't make it it's too much the world is too much this is too much got ask you a question at this too much he's too much you know if for you to break up 3 days before the wedding yeah the pressure that was piled
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upon you caused the wedding to be called off but I never really understood there's a difference between calling off a wedding which is up until 3 days before still going ahead under pressure PS and helicopters and the event of a
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century or whatever yeah you broke up you didn't just call the wedding off yeah you called the whole thing off yeah I we we didn't break up right at that moment it it happened over the series of the next few months right because what
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it did was it casted doubt in me and both of us about what our relationship was and where it was going I think and I wanted to I Knew in my heart that I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life I knew that um
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but it didn't feel like we were going to make it and so it scared me it was very hard it was a very kind of sad moment of letting go of somebody that you truly love because you just can't figure it out you just don't have the capacity and
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the ability at that moment emotionally to figure it out we just weren't mature enough in that way even though I he was in his late 20s I was in my early 30s it's still it wasn't we weren't ready to deal with and look at each other and go what we have is real we need to buckle down we need to do some work but we didn't we didn't we just weren't there yet yeah and so we we go oh this is what people do they break up when things get
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hard and we're going to go our separate ways and we went and we both tried and found other people and had beautiful children and had other families and and even had other relationships after that M and it wasn't until both of us had
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done I know for me a lot of work and gotten to a place where I was like you know what I'm totally good on my own I'm chill I'm I love my life I have this amazing career that I built for myself I have these amazing children I have great
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friends that's when he showed back up you let go see and he and and funnily enough he said he had had the same type of experience and that's kind of how it it went down I don't really know what all the purpose of all of it is and in terms of all of it all I know is the closest thing I've ever gotten to truly understanding what what the purpose is are those two words let go it's funny I have a big piece of art in my office and I don't know if I've
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told you did I tell you this it literally has a hand like that and a a green little bird in it and the hand just open and the bird's just sitting there and it says let go that's it and the whole thing is like if you can just
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trust that's it the bird's not going to go anywhere the pride is going to stay right there yeah but the minute you go like this oh yeah you kill it the bird is like it's done it's done it's done you just have to have enough kind of
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sense of self and calmness and Buddha nature within you to just trust but as soon as our trust gets broken as kids which no shade to any parent yours mine as a parent as a parent as soon as that moment when a kid realizes they're not
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entirely safe which important growth point but it starts you on this journey of like what and who can I trust right and what is safety to me and what is security to me yeah and it's so interesting both in the film and in the
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movie the idea that you acknowledge that this sort of concept of what do I want to be when I grow up well I want to be in love yeah i' never even heard that answer before I didn't even know that was a thing well because when you grow
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up and you're sold like you what in when I was a little girl you know it was all about fairy tale Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty and this person and that person and the whole thing was like Prince Charming is going to come along and
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you're going to live in this beautiful castle and have beautiful dresses and it's going to be amazing and you're going to live happily ever after and that was my idea so I grew up and what I wanted to be was you know in love and I
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had the heart of a romantic and of an artist and so it became almost like the only thing that was important and then as I grew up I realized that was because you know I had a dad who worked all night I had a mom who was kind of you
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know the center of attention all the time and a bit kind of like you know it's all about me and you know uh so those two things really contributed to me wanting to like what about where's where's the love that I'm supposed to to have and am I I'm supposed to get so I was always looking for that I was always searching for so how do you translate the world's love when when you're looking for real love because they're very different
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things and and if you can't find it in in the home that you're in at that moment in time that's lasting in the way that you need need it everybody needs it differently corre correct so if you can't find it that way and so you apply yourself to work and you're really good and you get better and then you become successful and then the world recognizes your talent and ability with the utmost success that is a form of Love well yeah
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there's what happens is you start doing things to get the attention and love that you need right and so you start wow you start overachieving and so I overachieved in sports you know I ran track I had all these I had a wall this big full of
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medals and trophies you know what I mean and I had and after that I got into dancing and then I was like the star dancer at my you know a little local Boys and Girls Club there was two of us and we were the ones and and you know
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and little by little it was always about trying to get that attention trying to get that love from people and I never looked at it I never felt like I wanted to be famous that wasn't my thing what I wanted to do was sing and dance and be able to make a living that way and act that was my thing that's all I ever wanted to do I saw I saw it on TV I saw it in musicals my mother loved music you know she was obsessed with music and she was obsessed
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with musicals and she was obsessed with great film and she was obsessed with history there was things that my mom and because she was alone raising us and my dad was sleeping all day and working all night and kind of not there and I was
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wishing I had more time all of these things informed a person who you know went out there and was trying to you know do what I wanted to do and in a way also searching for that love and attention and kind of somebody to see me
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but I love the connection that's clearly made between JLo Jennifer Lopez JLo this identity of like what it can what a real like modern pop star dancer performer writer producer can be and the love that you really are searching for in your personal life because this album didn't get made until that got repaired it's crazy to me yeah it's it's well it's it's actually really makes perfect sense yeah you know that's the only way
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the album could have been made I just wouldn't it would never have been made if if if he and I hadn't if I hadn't found that make music to work through that pain and you get that I'm not with Ben album and then you get that I've
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divorced this person album and you get the album those albums you never made those albums no no no but in a way I made that movie just now you made that movie a way in a way because it's very meta it's not exactly me when you're
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watching it but there is Essences of my life within it and different metaphors it's a very metaphorical kind of serialis you know kind of musical Journey that you're watching um but it's it's it's definitely something
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that going back to your very first question that I feel proud of I feel like as an artist this is the one thing that you want want to do you want to take what you know what you've learned through your own experiences and make something that
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has a true that is that is honest and that is personal but also that has a message to it that you feel really compelled to share can I share something with you that probably won't surprise you now and that is that I don't I'm
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getting to know you over time I don't really know Ben but after that conversation I was concerned because you were saying hey I'm celebrating this old album I'm back in love we're great I'm married again this is It's happily ever
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after I'm going to tell that story again and I didn't know the nuances of of how it was going to be about selfworth and and identifying yourself and I'm like I'm like Oh my days you're going to do this again like didn't you just do this 20 years ago and didn't that bring all this pressure and so when I watched the heard the music again in relation to the dark and the movie I was relieved that other people were concerned as well I I
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don't think anybody understood what I really wanted to do not even Ben you know he was like I didn't understand that it wasn't about me no it wasn't about him yeah this was about a my a personal journey and the things that
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I've learned and and really about understanding that to love you need to know yourself and love yourself first and and you can't give up on that you can't give up on yourself you know and I think we all get hopeless at times I think we all kind of
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want to go oh this I'm done I can't do this anymore and all I'm saying is don't don't hang in there you know what I mean just keep doing the work on you just keep it focused you you are the thing you know where you fall short you know where you're really your strengths are and hold on through the difficult times CU I feel like all of that time was difficult times and um that's this this whole thing of everybody around me kind of
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being nervous about what I was trying to say I think now when they see it they go oh I would hope I think that's what you're saying I don't definitely everyone comes to that conclusion but so do you and that's what's beautiful about the trade I know I'm putting myself out there I know that but I believe that the message is worth it yeah that and that and as an artist that's all you can do is do do what you feel despite like I say do it do it
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afraid that's such a great line it yeah no it like like you you can only it's like I have to put my head down at night and go okay am I happy with what I done or am I not was I too afraid to do what I felt in my my heart I should do how depressing would it be to come out of all of this time all of this work 20 years after you fell in love with Ben the first time and still be afraid that would be that would be tragic that would be tragic and
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um I had a I had a beautiful vision and I had a great partner in Dave Myers I don't don't want to leave him out of this great job am um who is such a incredible visualist and a great director and we really did this product
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together and he was so gracious to almost let me kind of direct right alongside of him every single idea and know and things that we wrote in it and all of that kind of stuff um so but it's all there on the in the music that's the thing that I'm
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so I'm so happy about the fact that the album just snaps and it just it just it jumps out of the headphones and out of the speakers thank you and it sounds sounds so present and the songs know themselves so well I think every lyric
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on there there is no fluff there is no kind of like oh we're just going to do this cuz it sounds good everything is very purposeful every lyric every sentiment every between the line thing that you can have every even all of the
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music everything that Ro and Angel and Giddy and all of these guys did is so so kind of elevated um and the perfect kind of environment for this and and they did it but and it was only because they felt it too they felt it and understood the mission in a way but they understood that this had to have its own sound but it still had to be me I didn't want to sound like everything that's out there and current and all of that right
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now I knew just having them work on it was going to make it current I knew that making something beautiful makes it current that that those fears have left me a long time ago you know what I mean I don't think about that when I'm making
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it sounds like your pet sounds like your audio palette it has the Hop and it has the gentle touches of everything with the heavy low end and the dancable beats and it gives you this beautiful canvas upon which to paint the truth and I
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think about some of the songs that really jump out like rebound what a incredibly succinct way to describe one of life's most beautiful and Ill advised moves but it's a thing that it's like there's nobody who hasn't done this and
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it was just like it's such a perfectly for me Written song like you hear it and you understand you understand that's what it is that's exactly what it is ran into your arms running from the bang look past all the M you know it
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it's got to be a line you walk though when you make something that whilst embellished and turned into more of a universal metaphor about selfworth and the healing of One's Own heart that you are drawing inspiration from the album and therefore drawing inspiration from your life story so there is there is a beautiful marriage of of those things and I think about how you walk that line whilst respecting the relationships that kept
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you safe in those times until they didn't yeah and there's a moment that you kept in the movie which I thought was powerful um about about potentially working with Anthony Ramos and him saying like I'm friends with Mark yeah
28:36
he really felt like is this about Mark and I'm like no this is this is an amalgamation kind of like a a an idea about toxic being in toxic relationships and um you know and it's funny because as I was this was just even this week as I'm
28:58
thinking about it I'm remembering still as I delved into my past and looking at that 20year Journey as I was writing this movie I I remembered things from years ago that wound up in the film you know what I mean that before this is me then MH uh in relationships where that little pattern that I had not that anybody else had that I had to be in and attract this type of uh relationship and not understand myself enough to you know say
29:32
I don't like this I don't want the like the way this feels or this is not who I am or you know uh what what what one therapist used to call kind of like sliding under men you know what I mean sliding under them and you know not
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being in my full voice and in my full power all the time um that that that pattern started way long long before any marriage I ever had but I thought it was very important because we wrote the song rebound and because that was about you
30:04
know relationships and being being dysfunctional and running from relationship to relationship and rebounding and rebounding was one time it wasn't one time I did it I did it several times yeah you may it may take a while to learn the lesson you may have to learn it too many times but but you keep making the same mistakes until it gets worse and worse and worse and then you go okay yeah enough of this how challenging if at all was it for Ben to
30:30
watch that particular sequence and and I think this whole entire process has been difficult um for Ben because he one he's much you know uh he doesn't he's not a musical artist and so he doesn't share things in that way
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musically he kind of writes stories and directs movies and everything's all kind of like acting and you know in that realm whereas music it's a different thing it's like right you put your your thing right on the record and I think
31:05
right from the you know writing broken like me for him was something that he couldn't bear he would leave the studio and just be like I can't I can't this is too much you know for me to even think about like that you feel this way or
31:21
that you felt that way or that you make the you know even though he pushed me to to do those things like look at this look at the pain look at this don't just make this record about um all the happy you know sunshiny hearts and
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flowers make it the other thing too Infuse it with that too and that's what got me on the path to you know looking at like okay I don't want to just make a compilation of music videos or put out a single in a video and take the normal
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route that everybody does M I realized that there was something much more important for me to do here with this music I thought it was special enough to do something really extraordinary and that had never been done and isn't that
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who he fell in love with in the first place right way it's not like he woke up one day and went wait you're ambitious yeah I did not see that coming yeah yeah or or you know or that you're you wear he knows my heart he knows I wear my
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heart on my sleeve he knows who I am and he accepts that and loves me that's why and I love who he is you know and so that part of it may have been uncomfortable in different moments for him but at the end of the day I think he
32:39
thinks you know you have to express yourself the way you want to express yourself I would never want you to tell me don't make that movie or don't write about that or don't write about this no he has to do what he he has to do as in
32:50
you know to fulfill his own life I I have to say having not really spent much time speaking with him I I thought that um the way that he shows up in this in this documentary yeah is fantastic his the way that he sees you
33:08
and shows his concern but also allows you the space to be able to make your own decisions be it good ones or bad ones and trusts you but all the while sort of pointing out quite quietly and thoughtfully that you know there maybe
33:21
still a few questions you have to ask yourself like why are you still doing this and is this enough really thoughtful that's who he is that's truly who he is not just the eternally tied guy getting out of the out of the GMC
33:33
with a coffee in his hand he he's also that guy which is by the way he's also I love that side of him I'm not going to lie speak for all of us we we have five kids we're eternally exhausted I just wear a lot more makeup I may have a few too many social media posts favored of Ben Affleck getting out of cast tired cuz I'm like that is exactly me he must crack up laughing though that we all sort of identify with inside of him and
33:57
like he says he he always says he's like I have become the symbol for the beleaguered man he's like I don't know how this happened and it's because they just have to follow me every single day and a lot of times it's like the thing of like oh he's mad at Jennifer he's happy with Jennifer all of this nonsense and he's like no I'm not I'm not happy cuz the paparazzi is there again that Grammy's thing what you laugh about in
34:21
the dark was like that when that was like a real thing people were analyzing that like told like's something funny So Fat Joe who's in this movie great therapist by the way I can't wait I we could all have therapists as good as F
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Joe he he was at the Grammys and his his experience was so he sat right behind us at the Grammys and he goes God you guys were so happy you couldn't keep your hands off each other they but the cameras didn't catch that they caught us
34:49
going oh the guy's coming sh yeah yeah yeah yeah you know doing that thing that's what you were doing right you were like just hold it down this I was like no no no no cuz he was like I'm moving out and I was like no don't leave
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me come back and then I tried to just be kind of normal and everybody thought I was like I don't know what they thought who cares but the point is it's just it is very funny and we do have fun with it and laugh with it because you know we
35:12
feel very good about where we are right now and that's the difference the difference is that over the course of this in the space between then and now it doesn't matter well that stuff would have got to us before exactly and now it doesn't because again we know who we are we're older we we we have five kids which is so much more important than any of the other you know we want them to be good we worry more that they read things like these things
35:39
and you know more than what we feel about it it's like what do they feel do they think we're fight we're not fighting and you can't protect them from that right you can't protect them from we can't because they're you know techy
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kids like every other kid you know they're on their phone constantly they're you know Search Everything the minute you say any new word to them they look at you know any new name any new anything any new information they want
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to know what it is and they know they can and so they're much more informed and much more and it's you know totally into the meme culture and think it's hysterical I know we have two teenage boys I get it um do you ever feel that
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you have to sit them down and remind them that it's not real what what they're reading or what they're seeing or do they know you enough to know it's not real yes and and now that they're a little bit older we have you know we try
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not to like make it such a big thing in our house because we have you know their their lives are so much more than the fact that we're their parents in that way you know that they're famous we're famous and so we don't we we do it in
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ways that kind of just like go by like you know that's not yeah that's ridiculous right they're like no we know we know and they and they're all so incredibly smart and heartful and and Brilliant in their own ways um and and
36:54
have handled this really well because they the five of them have had a difficult kind of I wouldn't say difficult but kind of like this surrealistic kind of upbringing where they've been watched from the time they were very small and so them becoming who they are in the public eye has been you know could be very very hard for them and I I'm sure it is at times even more than they share with us but they handled it very
37:22
beautifully um has it been a joy to watch them come together oh my God oh my God we have the most colorful beautiful kind of complicated uh household and uh and we wouldn't have it any other way yeah we love it we love it
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and our main concern what I always tell them I said we were up talking late about you guys of course you know and we let them know that they're the kind of center of our universe in that way we love our work he loves his work I love
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my work we're both artists and they understand that they know we put a lot of time into that but they also I believe I would like to believe in my heart of hearts that they know that they are the the loves of our life and the
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center of our universe when you when you made this album and you gave it Tempo and you gave it life and you gave it movement and then you decided to bring it to life with movement did you realize that the task you were setting yourself
38:16
because the choreography that you've put into this into this movie is nothing short of of incredible you brought the songs to life I know that you're a dancer and a dancer first and for it's probably how you chose to express
38:28
yourself artistically first but still this is an enormous amount of time that's gone into the craft of this yeah and and and it was really a crafting right you know I think for years I was I had a lot of kind of feelings and was
38:45
made to feel like you know because I was a singer and a recording artist and an actor that one was not more you know like I couldn't be a real recording artist cuz I was an act and I wasn't a real actor because I was R JLo and now
39:00
you've got and and she's amazing you got Olivia Rodrigo who came from this world of entertainment crushing it in this world of entertainment but it was a different time it was a different time and also it goes to the bigger message
39:11
which is I have taken all of the things you said this was crafted I have taken all of the things that I do yeah and put them all into this the the actor the writer the songwriter the movie writer the you know producer the choreographer
39:27
the dancer the you know the the actress all of it is in here in in a way the editor I did everything on on this movie and in a way that I'm like I do all these things that's okay stop trying to put me in one box to say that
39:50
that's okay you're credible now because you do just this one thing no it is possible to do many many things and I think for the first time I was like no I'm going to take all of the things I do and put them all on this and I'm going to really realize that in a way that um I had never done before or I was afraid to kind of do because commit to all of them with because it I may it made me feel so I'm not acting I just have to you know be
40:19
the actress and if I'm singing I just have to be the singer and and if if I go into the the I used to be afraid to go meet directors and and like the minute I knew if they call me JLo I knew I wasn't getting the park wow you know what I
40:32
mean like it was like they they don't take me seriously and it was like no actually all of these things that I do Amplified this in a way it's like you're right the fact that I started as a dancer made this movie you know I I
40:45
crafted every number right alongside brilliant choreographers and Luther Brown who did a lot of it and um Paris Goble and Tessa Thompson like these three really kind of helped me kind of bring this Vision that I had to life and
41:03
um I've always wanted to do musical I didn't know I'd make my own Musical and this really hadn't ever been done where you take an existing album and make a movie create the story and then create the numbers from that and try to make
41:16
them all make sense M and so that was a daunting task and when I told Dave that's kind of like what I want to do he was like okay let's do it and he was so game um and really helped me bring all of that to life the music is a great accompaniment and there are a few moments when it's clear that it it it it brings a lot to the to the to the characters of the film and a lot to the performance of the film but it's not the
41:45
purpose of the film no no this there was a real story that needed to be that I wanted to tell about being someone who believes in love a hopeless romantic man or woman I don't I didn't think that this was an and we didn't even Name the
41:58
character that's true in the movie because it was just I wanted it to be every person any person cuz all of us want love and all of us are out there searching for you know trying to find that connection in our own way with with
42:13
someone else and uh and and what I wanted to say with the film which I think uh we we accomplished uh is that you have to have that relationship with yourself first and and still have your head in the clouds a bit and still believe in magic like both of those things can exist at the same time do you think now you've you've gone through this process that greatest love story never told which to me is a a really beautiful concept that um it's it's
42:42
always so close like it just it's just there and it but you may never grab it it may never actually arrive but it's almost again you can almost apply that to your your own journey within yourself within that is that is yeah it's a
42:55
double on Tandra right it's the everybody thinks it's the greatest love story never told because you know Ben and I got together and nobody knows that story but that's not the story that I'm telling I was not people know the story
43:08
of me and Ben that's not the story I wanted to tell here the story I wanted to tell was the real greatest love story never told which is the fact that we need to have that with ourselves first which is this actually Ben says it in the dock in a really interesting way that that's even the more difficult ult yeah love to find then Prince Charming he talked about it being deceptive yeah and so um yes he talked about talked about there's a there's a
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these these things that are that are tucked away in in real life that aren't like the dramas of life can be the deceptive things to try get the little things that you're trying to that you ignore don't look at or yeah that that
43:49
kind of make us who we are and and lead us to our you know kind of dysfunctional patterns sometimes right these things that live underneath that are not so obvious you know not like he said somebody being locked in a closet a kid
44:02
who's locked in a closet you understand oh or a kid whose parents died really young you go oh yeah no I get that I understand that but when it's less you know kind of on the surface in that way or not as dramatic we're all doing our best yes that but there is neglect or there is a you know kind of feeling of loneliness that you have growing up because you're a middle child or because you know your dad wasn't around as much
44:30
or your mom was working all day or any of those things right those things are just our scars as well that we and and they inform how we then learn to love because of how we were loved and then you have to kind of take the good
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parts of that and undo the parts that really hurt you and that really make you do things that you don't want to do in relationships or accept things that you don't want to accept in relationships because you're used to it you're used to
45:04
being neglected you're used to being yelled at you're used to being mistreated well that's your identity to some degree in terms of how you relate to other people and also you know it's it's like this idea of of striving for Perfection but it's so unrealistic because the Perfection you strive for was established when you were a child and you could never have lived up to that expectation so you just keep elevating yourself further and further
45:28
trying to grab it and that's that beautiful moment when he says like you know you're enough yeah you're loved yeah yeah it's pretty amazing I know he's like you don't have to keep what are you chasing and he's right and I still have to figure that out even that I I don't think that this is a journey of me saying like I've gotten here I have it all figured out no no that's not what I'm saying I have to say as well the idea of you coming and going
45:52
I've achieved all my artistic goals I Zen with myself disappearing I'm fine leaving I'm done my work is done here on this planet I get that vibe from here no it is a constant evolving of like looking at things and looking at being a
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parent and looking at you know how you love and how you treat people and how you you know the type of person you want to be and becoming more and more comfortable that's why I want everybody to say this is me now this is me mm love
46:25
me leave me whatever but I'm I'm good with this person because I know they're not perfect and I know that they're amazing and I know that I'm going to keep learning and growing and I'm going to be more surprised and kind of you
46:40
know uh delighted with who I become as as time goes on that's the goal you know to keep uncovering things like all that part I never even thought about that part that part really me up I need to look at that I need to talk about
46:57
that you know what it made me do it made me do this this and that and I don't I hate that about myself and I want to fix that or I want to not have that anymore and you know what it's okay that that existed I forgive myself that I I was
47:12
doing the best I can for what I knew at that moment what was the one thing if you can share it that you realized during that time that in leaving it behind you really were free of something that has subconsciously and then
47:32
consciously been holding on to you like I've been I've had breakthroughs that have put me to sleep yeah you know moments I'm like like wow I don't I'm never going to think like that again I think I think it comes down to one that I'm kind of toying with now which is self-awareness which is a big one right huge there was there was times when I was like had to deal with with the fact that I deserved me that I was deserved better I actually
48:05
did deserve better and I didn't know I did and so I accepted less and I tried really hard and to make things work because of that things happened and scars were made that will be there forever and won't really ever go they'll heal they'll heal and they'll heal but that it will always be there it will always be a part of me my kids all of the things right like that those are those are things that those are things you need you live with
48:43
you know that never go away but that you can come to terms with and forgive yourself for and be like again this is me this is who I am that's what's part of my journey and you know what I'm I'm okay I'm better now I'm better now I'm
48:59
okay now I'm going to keep getting better because I'm not going to be complacent about that part of my life I want to keep getting better for my kids I want to keep getting better for my husband I want to keep getting better
49:11
for me you know and I think about um this album and I think that there's a millions and millions of us who want to see you go out and really put the cherry on the cake here and take this to the stage yeah and tour it and play live and
49:25
I know it's not as simple as when music had all your attention really and when you're putting those first albums out it's like well I'm in this machine yeah and and I'm still acting but this is what I'm doing I'm making albums I'm
49:37
on TRL I'm T all the promo all the promo all the promo you don't have to do any of that now yeah but surely there must be a part of you that that wants to go and take this oh no there's there is such a desire for me to share this with everybody and share this you know music yes and this celebration and these good times that I know we're going to have on stage you know what I mean like I know it I feel it I know it's going to be incredibly
50:11
massive movement of like love and um kind of growth and goodness right like I feel like that's going to happen and also to build a beautiful show you know that's always so much fun for me it's such a creative thing be it was like
50:31
building this movie which almost killed me but also you know at the end of the day made me feel really you know fulfilled as an artist and so I think it wouldn't be complete without me going on tour without me going around and sharing
50:48
this every night because I'll craft another part of the message with that how has it been so far bringing these songs to life with us and playing them live and oh my god well we did our Apple Music Live and I didn't have a lot of time I had to do it in a short amount of time but I was in the room when you played the album for the first time and I would have filmed that like just watch you up there just be like let me tell
51:08
you about this one no that's true I I wish I I we did film a couple of those maybe I'll put some of that stuff out those listen early listening sessions that were great um but putting together the show on stage I know is going to be
51:24
an epic under taking for me but also I mean something that I will not be satisfied until people come there and they go that was the most beautiful experience I've ever had I'm moved I'm changed that's my goal and you can keep
51:39
it so succinct in a way can't you between then and now can't you just tell that story I am going to do the then and now it's going to be I think it might even be called the then and now tour you heard it here first you know what I mean
51:49
that my idea by the way you but because we have the movie yeah and we have those musical numbers I'm so excited to bring those to stage and I did it a little bit in our the Apple music live in a smaller venue but it was
52:04
uh I'm excited to do it on on a bigger on a bigger scale were there some tough moments during the Apple Music Live when you were bring some of these songs to life and real oh God and singing it live in front of people for the first time
52:15
yeah singing I think singing Broken like me that's where I was going was very man and also kudos to you for even attempting to sing that on your first property show cuz it's such a central moment in your life let alone this album
52:29
yeah well because it it was it was finally admitting that finally admitting that and and sharing that with everybody I I it's funny with the Apple Music Live Like You can hear a pin drop as I'm like the audience was just what are you what is she saying what is she talking about she telling us that she's fed up like what no this is the JLo we know is the J Who's like superwoman who's like you know has it all together and we you
52:59
know work so hard and and you know is always pull together and perfect and and and I think to I think that's what I said to Jane in the in the dock it was like she goes you know everybody thinks of you in this way and I go I know and I
53:15
think that's why it's important to say that I've had a lot of hard times too and I've struggled too and I've made some stupid mistakes and you may know that or suspect it but I'm admitting it to you and I think that's important I think
53:31
it's important for for us to look at the people that we've looked up to and go I know that they had a hard time too they got through it okay so I can do it too you know they already kind of you know the relationship I have with my fans which is one of the most loving and God amazing relationships that I've had in my life I I get goosebumps talking about it cuz I don't talk about it a lot but what I have with them is really what I
54:03
what they tell me about what it is my music and my movies and doing what I do you know kind of means to them it's so important and really what what what I get from them is that I know you did it so I can do it too you know what I you
54:20
don't give up so I don't give up you know and I think it's important so any messages I feel like I have I I want to put it out there I want to go hey guys and don't forget about this and don't forget about love and don't don't
54:33
remember don't give up on this part of you it's actually about you you know was like that it's it's an obligation for me like it's it's a drive for me to do that and I know that's hard to explain to people and I know that's what I was
54:48
trying to put together in the documentary is like this is I don't know like like why are you doing this I'm like I don't know this is why I have have to do this but it's them it really is it really is wanting to share that
55:01
with them as one of your fans I I can I can say that I think you went even further than that I think you deconstructed the work ethic and deconstructed the ambition and the drive and the talent and all the success and
55:16
you showed it for what it really is which is a part of who you truly are what you put on this Earth to do but no longer at the expense of what's truly important and I think that to some degree we put so much pressure on the people we look up to and
55:31
admire because they Inspire us that we forget that like at what cost and we lose people yeah like we lose great people oh yeah cuz they lose themselves their way yeah they lose themselves their way it's not it's it's not an easy thing to do this but nobody wants to hear that so nobody talks about it and I'm okay with that like I understand that's I don't know if I am I don't know if I am and I tell you tell that's why I like to share like I'm Not
55:59
Afraid in the like people like in the documentary my my hair is like this and I look crazy and I'm sweating and I'm on the floor and I'm just like but it's that part of like you eating with you know looking I look nuts half the time but they're like why I like because that is true that is real that is who I am I yes I love getting dressed up and being put together and being the fashion I got everybody that's fun that's not all who
56:26
I am I'm all of these things and that's human beautiful you could never we could never have had this conversation let alone about this 20 years ago no I think that I actually thought about this the other day because I was talking to an
56:41
amazing artist Danny Brown who's gone through a lot cleaned himself and gotten sober and focused and I'm like this is happening more and more people are not only figuring out there's another approach to this but they want to talk
56:56
about it and they want to tell their fans about it and I do think that we are one step at a time going through somewhat of an emotionally intelligent holistic Revolution yeah Revolution I mean it's it's important to share those things I think artists have always shared it through their work through their works right through music through painting through movies through act they've shared it in that way but what it takes to do that you know um
57:25
the first movie I ever produced was a movie called Hector Lavo elante which was about Hector Lavo who was an artist who I always looked at when I took on that project and Mark played the role in that and it was he's an amazing salsa
57:38
singer and they started the whole salsa movement in the states and d d and it was a great moment in kind of musical history for Latinos right but the thing about him that I found interesting and maybe because I was an artist myself is
57:51
that he was almost a sacrificial lamb yeah like his life was about putting this music out but it cost him so much cost a lot and he wound up dying you know um and was constantly on and off of drugs and and but it was an interesting portrait of an artist which is why I wanted to tell her but because the music impacted so many people and it was such a movement you know um what kind of trade is that at the end of the day and it is it is and
58:22
and that's why it's important I think at this point when we're a little bit further down the line than our parents were and we're into you know figuring ourselves out and looking at ourselves in a different way that we keep evolving
58:37
in that way and we become unafraid to drop the curtain and go this is this is part of it too this is just so you know this it costs it costs me it cost me time with my kids it cost me time with you know it cost me you know
58:52
difficulties in relationships it it cost me all these things to be able to do all the things that I it cost you time getting to know yourself it cost me surely I mean not only cost me time it shook the foundation of who I thought I was when I was growing up and made me think all it it led me down all different kinds of roads of thinking I was not enough less than but it reinforced all of the reinfored difficult things and um what I
59:23
felt were shame things about myself right like it cuz it can it grind you right you're not good at this you're not good at that you don't shouldn't be doing this why are you doing this and that yeah who do you think you are you
59:37
know oh you're spoiled oh you're this oh you're that and you're like am I am I these things I think I'm just working I think I just I think that's all I'm doing I think I'm just trying to do good here trying to to quite best I'm trying
59:49
to like do my do not suck that's all I'm trying to do and you guys keep telling me that I suck okay you know what I mean and so it it shakes you and itss you up in a way but if you can hold on and you can hold on to that sense of
1:00:07
yourself then you can you can really do some awesome beautiful things that you get to share and maybe it helps only one person maybe and maybe it it's Millions but either way it's worth it I will say that I love these conversations
1:00:28
that we get to have I I feel so proud that we've been able to to to to bookend what was really I don't know whether to call it the beginning or the beginning of the end this is me then it sort of feels like it's a bit of both you know that album in many respects was the end of of your of your career as JLo as a musical artist up until now but it also was the beginning of this journey that's that's allowed you to make this album and make it now
1:00:55
right make it about you now not trying to recapture what you had then or do a part two I realized the only similarity in many respects is the inspiration and the and the title but everything else is it's a real story it's a real Evolution
1:01:10
right and thank God like I would have hated to just like be in the same place that I was 20 years ago or feel like I hadn't learned or grown anything it's like oh this is exactly the same thing but I feel like that's that
1:01:22
Evol I don't think any of this was a coincidence I think that there was a destiny so you do believe in that I I do I just right now when I think about this is me then and what it even the title of that album album that was so Random yeah
1:01:39
and I did it you know and Ben helped me name that album yeah it's it really is a foreshadow and it was a foreshadow to what our lives would be and when we wound up back here which I honestly I would have bet my whole life
1:01:56
that that would have wouldn't have ever happened and that we wound up here and that we make this is me now and it is infused with every piece of my life from then to now and even Beyond from the beginning of my life I look at
1:02:17
it and I go okay this was a big part of my artistic life's journey was to do this this was part of what I feel is my destiny as an artist to put out there and and I there was sometimes think there was something driving me that I
1:02:34
didn't understand that was driving me because I was meant to do this music this movie this doc this message this tour this thing this movement that is important I think for people to I think it has been most most important thing in my life so I just want to share that I don't know if it'll be the most important thing in yours but if for me it was and it is and I will keep kind of following that instinct as an artist cuz that's all I [Music] have