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And I was told just, you know, you just don't have what it takes. You're not good enough.
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I added my own word to it is I'm not good enough yet.
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have to take something that was true one time and make it true for all time.
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You talk a lot about your belief in miracles, right?
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And like magic almost to some degree as well.
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Tell us about where that belief came from and and what is a miracle to you?
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Like what counts as a miracle to you?
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That is such a great question I've never been asked before. I love that.
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So, I was raised in a home that was very religious.
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And sometimes people say that in a way of almost they're scarred by it, but I feel like the the religious aspects of my life have really blessed me so much.
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They've made me I feel like a deeper person.
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They've believed made me believe in something greater than myself.
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And you know, my I was raised in a Mormon home.
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And you know, and I really combine the aspects of religion still in my life.
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I still go to church on Sunday.
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I actually teach a Sunday school class that for the teenagers.
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And And it's something that's only bettered my life.
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And I think that a lot of times people see religion as divisive.
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I think that when religion is used for what it's actually meant for, it's it's inclusive.
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It's it's it helps people bind together.
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It gives you opportunities for service.
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It gives you opportunities to to uplift other people and to be uplifted when you're the one that's weak in these like communities of you know, as long as it's something that, you know, my parents always taught us that the basis of, you know, whether we believe this or they believe that, what we need to always rely on is it's love.
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Love is the basis of all of it.
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And if you start to make it a divide, you're missing the point of what, you know, religion was supposed to be.
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And so, for me it's it's a mixture of religious aspects and spirituality.
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Just connecting to something greater than myself.
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And I think that um I don't know when I really started.
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I just believe so strongly that um that miracles happen all the time.
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And I like to look for miracles in my life every day.
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Um and I think that it really became even stronger for me after I lost people I loved.
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Um because suddenly this other side, you know, like I've heard my whole life that we go somewhere after we die.
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And when my best friend passed away and shortly after that my father passed away, um suddenly someone I loved so much, two people I loved so much were And I just started to really think, where are they? What are they doing?
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Like, how close can they get?
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And I've been given so many little miracles, for lack of a better term, in my life that show me that they are looking out for me.
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And the more I look for that, the more I see it.
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And I've had such little, you know, everything from tiny special tiny miracles to big things that have happened that just make me feel powerful in a way, almost like I imagine I walk through life with these angels around me that are looking out for me and whispering things in my ear and helping me.
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And it makes me feel almost like I have a superpower.
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I'm a superhero because I've got this strength and angels from the other side.
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And I I pray for help all the time from that, asking specific angels.
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Sometimes it's my grandma I'm asking for help.
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Sometimes it's um you know, my best friend, my dad.
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Sometimes I'm like, "Hey, I want to channel Lucille Ball today.
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I want Lucille Ball to be my special angel today."
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You know, like I'll ask specific angels for help.
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I know that might sound weird, but it it does make me feel like I go through life with help from the other side, an extra power. Yeah, that's beautiful. That's amazing.
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And I love that you talked about how miracles are both small and big things. Absolutely.
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it could be the tiniest thing that happens in your day that changes your mood or is like a little lesson or a piece of wisdom or whatever it is.
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And then it could be something huge, like Right.
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the the great successes and achievements you've had in your life.
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And I think it's beautiful when we can see miracles in both. Right.
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Because sometimes we're waiting for miracles be like these big gigantic changes. Right.
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sometimes miracles aren't like that at all. Absolutely.
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And like even sometimes my family all talks all the time about like, "Oh, our angels are looking out for us because we all have this thing in common that our dad is over there. He's one of our angels."
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And so we'll always even if it's like, "Oh, I remembered right before I left the house that I should grab whatever it is."
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You know, it's like, "Oh, my angels are whispering in my ear." You know?
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And like I said, I think that whatever you look for in life you're going to see more of.
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And if you are not looking for something, yeah, you're going to be like, "Well, I never see miracles. I never get that."
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But if you It's like when you all of a sudden become aware of an artist, all of a sudden you're like, "Oh, they're everywhere."
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They're on that billboard. They're on the radio.
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How come I never heard of this person before?
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But it's because now they're in your peripheral view. You've seen them.
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And And I think it's the same with gratitude or with miracles or with whatever it is you're looking for in life.
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If you look for it, you'll see it.
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That's such a great point.
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The way to test it is if you ever buy a new car or an iPhone Right.
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If you ever buy a new car or you think about buying a new car and then you go on the road, you see that car everywhere.
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And it could be a rare car.
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It may be a common car, whatever it is.
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But you It is exactly that.
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Whatever's in your peripheral view, you start to see it everywhere.
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And And I think what The point you just made is so beautiful because I think sometimes it's like when you're rushing out the home and you notice you forgot something.
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It's almost like, "Oh, I forgot it."
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Like it's almost like a negative feeling. Right.
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Rather than like, "Oh, thanks. I remembered." Right?
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Like the way you're seeing it. Right.
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And it's so interesting because it's such a small thing and we do it every day.
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I know I do it sometimes.
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It's like I get downstairs.
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I'm about to get in my car and I'm like, "Oh, forgot my wallet." Or whatever it is. Right.
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Rather than like, "Oh, I'm so glad I remembered."
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Rather than getting to the store and then right? Yeah.
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Or even having a moment to be like, "Oh, thanks." Yeah, yeah. "Thank you, my angels."
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Or Or whatever it is that you see as your, you know, "Thank you, my brain for being smart and remembering."
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Whatever you want to see it is. I I like that.
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Yeah, well you just you said it, not me. put it anyways. That's cool.
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You know, and one thing that I think has helped me so much I talk about all the time is my gratitude journal. Yes.
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Has been very like transformative in my life in this like I didn't realize like something so simple would make such a big impact and it's things like that where automatic responses start to become more gratitude based than negative base and it's exactly like you said the same exact situation where I can be like I'm so stupid that I always get to my car and I forget something or oh thank heavens I remembered before I left.
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heavens I remembered before I left. You know, and it's I've noticed a shift happen in my mind of all these little tiny things that happen automatically now that turn more towards an optimistic attitude rather than a beat myself up attitude or a complain attitude all because I practice every single night for 5 minutes before I go to bed just do do do do do like several things I'm grateful for and it's just those little
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tiny things that make the biggest difference in life and I often think that when we want to change you I think sometimes I used to be like oh gosh I've got so much work to do and like I have to change everything in order to be a better person but it's
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like no it's tiny tiny pivots tiny tiny tweaks like little things that are going to just make these huge impacts over time and it's all about just one pivot at a time not shifting everything one tiny Absolutely. When did you start
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When did you start your gratitude journal process?
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Like when did that become a regular habit in your life? Um 2 years ago. Oh wow. Okay, so fairly recent.
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So yeah, it's been a fairly recent thing.
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It's been a long enough time to practice it but it's been fairly recent in your life. Right.
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Yeah, and where where did you get introduced to it and why why did was it just you read an article or a book or you heard it somewhere or was I just heard it enough I think.
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You know, I'd heard enough people say that this is a good practice to do cuz I listen to a lot like I like to fill my life with positivity whether it's reading like Brene Brown books and like as you know on audible as I drive in my car or listening to podcasts and I feel like the more I fill my life with positivity, you know, the more positive I am, obviously.
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And so, this was something I just kept hearing about, and every year I like to pick a word to work on.
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And last year, as a result of kind of starting this gratitude journal, I decided I'm going to dive in.
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My word for last year was gratitude.
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And it was really nice to And I think that's a really good way to approach New Year's resolutions because you can make tons of little like goals, but they all All my goals always focus around my word for the year.
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So, it's like, this is my big goal, and then I'm going to just make lots of little like things that will hopefully lead to that.
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And anyway, so that's when I really dove into it.
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I was like, we're doing this.
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I'm going to visualize it. I'm going to write it. I'm going to be it. I love that.
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And then And how many things do you do every night? Only three.
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Like, it's very manageable.
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I do three when I go to bed, and then I do three when I wake up. I love that.
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So, it's just like the bookends of my day.
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And then, you know, sometimes when I'm really ambitious, I sit there and I'll visualize those things, and I'll try to like feel them actually, not just write, then see, then actually feel, and then go to bed. I love it.
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Love the sound effect, too. That's the plan.
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And then, what was What was the intention for the year of 2020?
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What was the word for this year?
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Oh, my My word for this year is actually magic.
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So, it's funny that you started off no idea.
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And you start off the podcast with that word. I That's crazy.
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I've heard that word so much in the last month. See, I haven't.
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It's because I've probably cuz I'm looking for it, and I'm thinking about it.
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And the reason I chose magic is I feel like I don't even know how to describe it.
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I feel like I used to live a little more magically, where I made big wishes and I dreamed big, and um you know, I didn't even realize this, but someone was telling me that every 8 years it's a year of manifestation.
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And I guess this year is one of those years.
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And so, 8 years ago was a year of manifestation.
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So, I was looking back at 8 years ago and the things that I believed I could do, the things I wished for, the things that were like on my radar.
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It is amazing what has come full circle since that year, and I didn't even realize it.
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Um but, I used to be so good at making wishes and believing full-heartedly that I would achieve them and that they would come back to me.
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And because I believed in good things, good things came.
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And not that I'm a pessimist, I just feel like a little bit of that like, you know, dreamer in me has become kind of realistic.
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And so, I want to just open it up to like living magically, like feeling magical, feeling powerful, feeling like all those things.
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And so, um getting back to that that side of myself that I think has just gotten a little bit realistic. Yeah. If that makes sense.
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Yeah, that makes so much sense.
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You know, you always have like struck me as quite a magical person in general. Oh, thank thank you.
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you have Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Or like, I don't know if it's because you showed me dressed up as Dobby or No, I just feel like you have you have a very magical presence. Oh, thank you. too.
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Like, there's there's that and which is like, I don't I don't often say that, so I'm not just saying it.
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It's it's an interesting thing that I picked up on.
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So, now that all seems to line up.
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But, I love what you're saying because I think as children, we saw and believed in magic. Yeah.
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And I've always been really into illusion and illusionists and magic.
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So, people like David Blaine or Derren Brown.
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And I'm always fascinated by it.
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And and the truth is, as you become older, you want to know how it's done. Yeah.
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Whereas, when you're a kid, you just appreciate it and you just Wow, that's mind-blowing.
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And then, I think it's almost like you're like that.
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Like, even when you're on a ride or you're in a movie or whatever it is, like, your adult mind just wants to figure out how everything's done. Right.
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But, you lose that sense of magic.
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You lose that sense of spark of feeling of wonder. Yeah.
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And just being allowing yourself to just be like, "Actually, it doesn't matter.
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I don't need I don't need to know.
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I'm I'm allowed to experience."
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allowed to experience." And I think that that is one of the most important things that made my career happen is that when I first started I you know I wrote my first album never having written a song before like my own composition never
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like I wrote my first 12 songs or all the 12 songs that are on my first album that album changed my life it took me literally across the world it went gold in multiple countries and I had never like written like I was I'd been a musician my entire life but I
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didn't know the rules of songwriting I didn't know the rules of how to market an album I didn't I just worked my butt off and I believed that it would happen and it happened and I think that's you know looking back on my beginnings especially
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a girl that was like I want to kind of invent my own genre music of playing electronic violin music and all instrumental and I want to dance while I play and I want to tour and wear fun costumes and what Yeah everyone
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listening to that would be like yeah This girl's insane and I know that because I I sat in front of people and tried to pitch what I was doing and I showed them like videos of me doing it in my living room like being like see this is the vision and you know I went
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to record labels and managements and no one believed it but there was something inside me where I believed it so strongly cuz I just had that magic inside of me of like no I I know I can do this and I made big wishes I made big plans and when you don't know what's you like
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possible and impossible times you end up doing the impossible Yeah and I look back at just you know and like what what I've gotten to do with my life and in the last 10 years and I'm just like it was kind of impossible but I didn't know that and so it happened
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Oh I love that Yeah Yeah what have you found happens when you believe something but it doesn't necessarily happen at the right time or the time you wanted it to actually not the right time I take that back. Yeah. You know, it's it's almost like Yeah.
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You know, it's it's almost like that feeling of What I mean by you is I I agree with you.
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I think that belief is so powerful, but sometimes people will say, "Well, I have this belief, Mhm.
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but it's not happening, right?
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Or Or maybe you've had a belief at times, but it didn't happen in the way you thought it was going to happen.
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Like so many stories I can think of.
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Like, which one do I tell?
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Whichever one Yeah, whichever one.
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the most um the the biggest one I can think of was when I first started, I wanted, you know, I had this dream of what I wanted to be, what I could see, and it's what I am now.
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That's what I like saw in my head.
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And I the I I tried all these different ways to get it out there, and every door just closed in my face.
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And the most public one, and the most dramatic one was I auditioned for America's Got Talent. Oh. This is in 2010.
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So, this is 10 years ago.
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And um you know, I made it all the way to the round where it's like live, Oh, wow.
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and it's, you know, there's like I think it was the top, you know, semifinals, whatever.
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And now at this point, America calls and they vote for you.
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It was like really exciting.
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And in my mind, all I wanted to do was win this show.
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I knew that if I won the show, my life would change forever in an instant.
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And, you know, you you win a million dollars, you win a Vegas residency, like it's a big deal.
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And and they kind of also drill it into your head that this is the biggest moment of your life. Don't blow it. And so, here I was.
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I'd never really performed in front of any more than like 100, 200 people.
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And here I am on this like live stage with like millions of viewers watching.
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They even told me before I stepped on the stage, "There's 11 million people tuned in right now. Good luck." You know, what? So, I got there.
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I'm in the middle of my performance, and I hear the buzz, and that means I got X'd.
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So, not only was it I mean, in that moment, I knew that I'd blown it.
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Like, I'd blown the biggest moment of my life.
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And I walk up to the judges after the after I finished playing and I got told that I sounded like rats being strangled.
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This is on live television.
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Like everyone I know is watching.
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Um including a lot of other people.
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And you know, and I was told just you know, you just don't have what it takes. You're not good enough.
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And I was devastated and humiliated. Really bad combo.
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And I remember I I went back stage afterwards.
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Like I held it together on stage, you know, like trying not to cry.
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And then I ran into the bathroom cuz that's the only place you could be alone and I just sunk to the floor and I sobbed.
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Like I sobbed the ugly cry for a long time until they came in and found me and they're like, we're closing up. Like you got to go.
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And so I you know, I packed up my little violin and I just honestly didn't know if I could get on a stage ever again cuz I was just so embarrassed.
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Like you know, even embarrassed in front of my family.
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Even though they were like, you were you were great. We love you. We're proud of you.
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It was just I just was like, I don't even think I can look myself in the eye again.
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Um but there's that inner voice, you know, whether I call it my angels or whether you call it your gut or whether you call it intuition.
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Whatever you you call it, we all have it.
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And it told me you're not done yet.
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And sometimes there that voice will be like, it's time to try a different road.
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Like there's different things.
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You know, but listening to your inner gut will always tell you where you should go.
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And this time it was it's not over yet.
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And you know, I kept moving forward and I ended up shortly after that, you know, trying several other things and then discovering YouTube.
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Which this was the early days of YouTube. I put some videos out.
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They went quote unquote viral for the time and it changed my life.
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And looking back on it, like thank heavens I didn't win America's Got Talent.
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Like thank heavens I did not.
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You know, you're locked into these contracts that are really rough.
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And I never would have been able contractually to start my YouTube channel.
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I would have been locked into a record label deal.
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I'm now like an independent artist, and I tour the world.
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I do it on my own terms, and I never could have done that if I had gotten what I wanted. Yeah.
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And, you know, there I just have so many of these experiences where sometimes what you're fighting for and what you want and the door you're banging on is just not quite the right door.
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And you just got to turn a little bit.
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You got to listen to your own voice that tells you where to go.
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Is it time to try something else?
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Is it time to keep pushing?
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Is it time to like just accept where you're at? Like whatever it is.
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Like listen to your heart because it will never lead you astray.
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And maybe it's just not the right door.
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Maybe it's just not the right time. You're amazing. That was awesome.
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That's so beautiful to hear.
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We have We have so much more in common than I knew. Oh, really?
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Yeah, I can relate to so much of what you just said right now.
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And I've probably said it in other interviews that I've been in.
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Just that feeling of what you explained of how sometimes what you want is not actually the best thing for you. No.
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And and I've been in that position so many times, and I literally said this to someone a couple of nights ago.
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I was like, "If I got everything that I wanted, most people wouldn't know who I am or what I'm doing or anything.
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Like I would have just ended up in this weird side job that I just thought was the dream, you know, when I was trying to break through and get people to listen to me.
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And the amount of doors that were shut on my face just in the way you've explained where I've always talked about YouTube was like my last Yes.
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Like I've done everything. Like I Sorry, YouTube.
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You were not my first choice.
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It was like, you know, it was like one of those moments of just like every door had been shut.
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It was like, you know, at that time 10 media companies had told me that my inspirational video ideas were not good enough and would never make it.
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And I had three execs tell me I was too old to be in media. I was 28 years old.
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And they're like, "You're too old.
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Everyone who's trying to get into media is 21, 22."
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And they're were "Just start a blog or like, you know, just just do that."
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And then everyone's like, "There's no careers in media.
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Like, there's no there's no And you don't even have a communications background or a media background or a film background."
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Because that's not my background.
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And so, it was just for me as well that there was just one option.
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That option was to try and do it myself. Yeah.
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And so, when I'm hearing you speak, it's I love hearing someone else say it because it's it's kind of like reaffirming for me to hear it from you Yeah.
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that something as big as winning America's Got Talent, Mhm.
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which is huge, Which is huge, yeah.
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but you're but in your experience, you've even found that that wasn't the end of the road. Right. Not winning that.
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And I think that that And And actually, I find And I've said this to people before, sometimes it's the people that don't win Right.
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that go on to do more incredible things than the people that win.
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And I wonder if it's partially because it gives you this little like, you know, this little And you know, for me, I think in that experience, looking back on it, um a lot of times people are like, "What were they thinking?
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They like, they didn't see what you had.
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How could they have been so wrong?"
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But they weren't necessarily wrong. Agreed. You know what I mean?
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Like, looking back at that video, I really didn't perform well.
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Like, I was a baby in it. I was terrified.
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I hadn't really earned my stripes yet as a performer.
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I was too early on that stage in where I was at as like this, you know, I just come up with this idea of dancing and playing and I was kind of awkward at it, really awkward at it. So, they weren't wrong.
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And when they said you're not good enough, they weren't exactly wrong.
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They didn't have to be mean, but um the point is though that I added my own word to it is, "I'm not good enough yet."
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And sometimes when people give you harsh critique, it's easy to like take it to your soul of like, "That's who I am.
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I'm not good enough and I'll never be good enough."
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But no, it's tonight you weren't good enough. Mhm. And that's okay to say.
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And that's okay to accept for yourself.
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Tonight, I wasn't quite what I wanted to be. Yet.
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I will be better tomorrow. I'm going to show up. I'm going to work hard.
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And now I can say honestly when I step on a stage, I've earned my stripes. I worked my butt off.
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Like, not only to like, you know, create all of the social media stuff and learn how to live in that world, but all honestly just in my skills and my craft. Like, I've honed in. I still practice it.
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And so now it's like, yeah, I now have earned my place in this entertainment world.
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And just because I wasn't good enough yet back then doesn't mean I would never be.
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Just because you're not where you want to be right now doesn't mean you're not going to get there. And so, yeah.
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Yeah, you don't have to take something that was true one time and make it true for all time.
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Like, that doesn't the way I was trying to say it. Yeah, no.
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No, I think about it while you were saying it.
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I was like, so often we take something that was said one time and we're like, okay, that's true for all time now. And that's it. Right.
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And and there is no reality.
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I love what you just said about adding the word yet to the end.
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And and about accepting that it's the same like I Do you mind if I share my version?
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I don't think I've shared this before.
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So, I I want to share it because you're you're inspiring me to share it.
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So, I was working for a company and I was doing extremely extremely well there, but I felt that I wanted to leave to work on my passion, which was create videos and share these ideas that were inspiring and motivating and I believed would help people in their life.
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I hadn't yet made anything.
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And the company asked me to create my ideal job profile.
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And so I created it, which was interviewing people like this, creating videos that help educate and inspire and inform people, and making content in a way that people would feel better, be impacted by it.
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And I remember speaking to the chief marketing officer of this company, and I was on the phone with them, and they were looking through my list of my ideal job, and they said, "Jay, so you want to be an influencer.
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And you want to be a celebrity."
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And I said, "No, I That wasn't That There was no That word was not on my list."
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It was like, "No, I want to do interviews. I want to be a host.
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I want to be a content creator.
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I want to edit these videos."
23:06
It was It was a And they said, "No, you want to be a celebrity or an influencer."
23:10
And I said, "Mhm, no, no, I think you've got it all wrong.
23:12
I I just really believe that I should be making content."
23:15
They said, "Well, we don't have space for celebrities and influencers at this company."
23:20
And literally it was phone down moment, and I left like a week later.
23:22
Now, so many people since that day have always said to me like, "Oh, don't you Don't you want to go back and show them what's happened?"
23:29
And tell them and I'm like, "I want to go back and thank them." Ah.
23:33
Like, I want to go back and express gratitude to them and be like, "Thank you so much Yeah.
23:39
for telling me that there wasn't any space for this role."
23:41
I still don't see myself as a influencer or a celebrity. That's not the point. Right.
23:47
But I'm so glad that I was told that this role didn't exist there. There.
23:50
Because if it did, I'd still be working a full-time job having to create content that was right for that place Mhm.
23:56
and not being able to Same as you said, being an independent artist getting to create content that I really believe in and that I really love and that can spread all across the world.
24:04
So, anyway, I I'm grateful that Yeah, thank you for Yes. No, I love that.
24:08
It's just this idea that the doors that close that are devastating are oftentimes the best thing that could ever happen to you.
24:14
Um but it's only going to be the best thing that ever happens to you if you keep moving forward.
24:19
If you keep taking steps and say, "Okay, well, where Where's next?"
24:22
You know, what's the next thing?
24:22
Um I'm You know, it's still believing in yourself despite the fact that maybe someone else didn't. Yeah. I'm inspired. Just Yeah, I like stuff. I'm so inspired.
24:32
No, honestly, like you just like put my soul on fire. It's amazing.
24:36
It's like it really Anyway, it's awesome.
24:37
All right, tell me about We've talked about professional failure or professional rejection and purpose-based challenges.
24:45
This is purposeful to you, the work that you do.
24:47
It's not just you're a musician and you do it from a career point of view. It's purposeful. Mhm.
24:50
But tell us about the personal challenges that you've broke through as well.
24:55
Like you've battled with anorexia. Yes.
24:56
And that I mean, I'll let you tell me whether that was harder or easier than a professional challenge, but it sounds like it's a lot harder when it's personal and with you and your body and your mind.
25:10
I mean, tell us about how you went through that experience and how you overcame that.
25:17
Yes, and I actually love to talk about this because so many people, you know, to some degree or another deal with this, whether they are diagnosably anorexic or whether they just some days hate their body.
25:28
Like I think that a lot of people deal with this, and I think depression is something that whether it's like clinical depression or chemical or whether it's just situational.
25:38
Like everybody deals with that at times of their life, and so I think it's something that's so important to talk about and like learn for yourself and understand how you go through these phases.
25:47
And you know, I realized when I was in college, I was you know, in my I think the middle of college when I finally came to realizing, oh my gosh, I'm anorexic.
25:57
And it took a while to come to that realization because I had been depressed for a really long time, and it happened so slowly that it just consumed me.
26:08
And I would have defended it forever being like, no, I'm just really healthy because I was exercising all the time and I was eating like a bunny.
26:15
Like I was eating all like vegetables and you know, so I would have defended it forever that no, I'm just healthy, but I finally had this moment where I realized that I had sacrificed everything for this.
26:27
And it happened the realization for me happened in the most simple moment, and it makes me really emotional, but my sister's my best friend.
26:35
And she was my roommate at the time, and all of our roommates, we were all really close, really good friends, and I heard them all laughing in the other room and just talking.
26:43
Someone was telling a funny story about a bad date or something, and they were all laughing, but I just didn't even have the energy to get off my bed to go in and join because I just and I also just thought like they wouldn't even want me to join. I just was so depressed.
26:55
And then my sister came in the room and sat on her bed and I looked at her and thought, "I don't know when we became strangers, but I don't I don't even know how to talk to her anymore."
27:06
And it was because I had gotten so consumed in my mind by like anorexia is fully consuming.
27:10
All you think about is yourself.
27:13
All you think about is your next meal.
27:15
All you think about is what you look like.
27:16
Like it's um it becomes a very selfish disease that is very isolating and it's not like you're selfish in the terms of like, "Oh, I'm awesome."
27:24
Like it's selfish in the terms of, "All you can worry about is yourself because you're so consumed."
27:29
Um and so I didn't even realize, but I was like, "I don't remember the last time we had like a real conversation or laughed or talked together."
27:36
And that gave me the courage to be like, "Something is wrong.
27:40
Something is definitely wrong in here and I need to figure it out."
27:42
And so I started going to therapy um cuz I was finally willing to fight for happiness again.
27:50
I realized I was sad and you know, and you know, it took me about two years to fully come out of this first cycle of like depression and pull out of it and come out of anorexia and become like, "Oh my gosh, I think I'm healthy."
28:04
And you know, since then I I find it being like um you know, it's going to always be a part of my life in a weird way.
28:11
I don't know how else to say it, but it's very much in the background.
28:16
It's something I don't deal with on a regular day-to-day basis.
28:21
It but sometimes when I'm like stressed or when I'm worried about something or when I'm over like exhausted, that's when it thinks it has room to come back and it tries to sneak back into my life.
28:30
And now it's to the point where rather than taking two years to come out of it, now it's like, "Oh, I recognize you and you're not welcome here.
28:41
Like I you're not a part of my life."
28:43
And um and I I really one of the most helpful books I ever read for my anorexia was a book called Life Without Ed, and it's where this woman personified her eating disorder and she talked to it, and she would say she would have conversations with it and talk sense to it because you realize there's a dialogue in your mind and it tells you sometimes really nasty things, and to her that was not her. That was Ed.
29:03
It was her eating disorder.
29:05
And so, I started to do that.
29:05
I started to see these horrible thoughts in my mind as they're not me.
29:09
Anorexia is not who I am.
29:12
It's like this little like thing that's come into my life and it's not welcome.
29:16
And so, I constantly remind it to leave.
29:18
And when I like if I catch see a picture of myself and have that thought of like, "Oh my gosh, like I look huge."
29:24
Or if I catch myself in a mirror and think something nasty, I am now immediately tell that, "You're not welcome."
29:31
We don't talk to ourselves like that.
29:31
I don't entertain those thoughts.
29:33
And then I'll say something nice to myself. Like, "I am strong."
29:36
Like there are so many wonderful things about my body.
29:38
Like I'm healthy, I'm strong, I can dance, I like to run.
29:42
Like I, you know, um and so, it's choosing what I am going to let stay now.
29:47
And also, um I think that there there's it's sometimes takes work.
29:53
And we don't always put that into play.
29:55
We all know it takes work to be healthy and to eat right and to exercise and take care of our bodies, but what about our minds?
30:01
And how much attention do we give to the happiness and being positive?
30:03
And you know, that's why I write my gratitude journal.
30:07
All these like little practices I have in my life.
30:08
And then I think the biggest one for me is just listening to that voice.
30:11
And when it says something that's unfair, I learned years ago when I was going through therapy and anorexia, you know, to not entertain the bad. Like I don't do that.
30:21
And it's very empowering to say that, to stop your own thought and be like, "Nope." It's not who I am. Self-love, you know? Yeah, I know. That's great.
30:31
I I love the way you've broken down the process for all of us.
30:34
And thank you for the recommendations on the books, too.
30:36
It's always I know the audience loves hearing what books help and work.
30:39
And so, if anyone's struggling with that in particular, it sounds like a fantastic book that Really is.
30:44
really helps you understand the voices in your mind and your head and recognizing which ones are not you. That's 100% true. Yeah. That's 100% true.
30:51
It's always like a bad friend.
30:52
I think it was Gandhi who said um Don't let anyone walk through your mind with their dirty feet. Yeah.
30:59
And it's almost like sometimes it's your dirty feet or or another thing that is inside of you.
31:02
It's almost doing it to yourself. Yeah.
31:05
Uh but you're so right that that negative voice in our heads is not us. It's not us.
31:10
friends with a bad you know, it's like being friends with a negative influence and Absolutely.
31:15
spending so much time with them, it sounds like your voice now. Yeah.
31:18
So, I think that's a really important lesson.
31:19
Well, it's interesting how it's like we've written these stories and these beliefs in our mind about who we are and I finally came to the realization that if I wrote this story and became this once upon time somewhere along the line, I started to believe these things.
31:34
I started to write this and then I reinforced it every day in my mind.
31:37
I rewrite the story every day.
31:40
And I punish myself over and over and over again for a belief that I wrote once upon a time.
31:43
And so, if I wrote it once and if I believe it now then I can write a new one. Yeah. change it.
31:50
It's going to take time because our minds love familiarity even if it's negative and it you know, that's just a pattern.
31:55
Our minds run on patterns and so, it's like okay, start to break the pattern. It's going to take time.
32:00
It took me two years the first time because I was pretty deeply entrenched in a very unhealthy, very, very trapped pattern.
32:06
You know, I'm not saying it's going to take everybody two years, but if it does, that's okay.
32:11
Don't look at yourself today and think this is who you are forever because I can't even tell you what a different person I am now.
32:17
Like you you called me magical.
32:19
In college no one would have called me magical in that time.
32:22
My roommates would have been Lindsay's really tired.
32:25
She's very you know, she's she's nice, but I just didn't have the energy to be like out there for other people and be kind and be as loving because I was so trapped in this like tornado inside myself.
32:36
And I'm like if I could change from that person to like where I am now, where I you know, I I I love to share with people.
32:45
I I I feel like anyone can do it.
32:47
This is a process that start where you are today, start to love yourself, start to be kind yourself, start to fill your life with more and more positivity.
32:57
And you can get to be you can get to anywhere you want.
32:59
Whether it's like I said, my journey of like getting off America's Got Talent having to work step by step to like become the violinist I am now, or whether it's looking in the mirror and being able to say like you're beautiful to yourself.
33:11
Like start where you're at, but you can get there.
33:15
I honestly believe that anyone can be there.
33:17
Yeah, I And it takes work still.
33:17
Like I It's not like I, you know, I still go through times like last weekend.
33:22
I had a real depressed weekend. I was like, "Dang it. Like I'm in a funk.
33:26
I'm in a depressed stage and I don't like being here, but I recognize now that that's okay. It's not who I am.
33:34
It's a passing experience.
33:34
And I think too often we like attach ourselves and our definition of self to like I'm depressed. Like this is me. No, it's not me. It's a phase.
33:42
It's like the cycle of the moon.
33:44
Sometimes the moon's covered with shadow. Sometimes it's bright.
33:45
It doesn't mean it's not still there just cuz you can't see it.
33:48
And I sometimes get a little covered up. Yeah.
33:51
And I just have to like go to all my things.
33:53
Like call my therapist, do all the things that I know will help me.
33:57
I I now take ballroom dance lessons.
33:58
That really helps me pull out of these like, you know, I called my teacher.
34:01
I was like, "Actually, can we have an emergency ballroom lesson today because I'm just feeling down."
34:05
You know, and I think it's really important to learn like what are the kind of things that work for you?
34:10
And don't attach your worth and your definition to how you feel in a moment cuz they come and go. Absolutely. Just like the weather.
34:16
Just cuz it's rainy outside, you know, like oh, I am now rain. Right?
34:20
It's not like rainy inside. And same with the sun.
34:22
And you're so right about having something though.
34:25
And I feel movement is such a big part of it.
34:26
Like you I mean, ballroom dancing for you, you You whatever it is for you.
34:30
It's like I feel movement is always a powerful thing to add to that space to get you out of your head.
34:36
I always find that whether some people like running and it is and that's what I mean, like I love this example of ballroom dancing because it doesn't have to be exercise in the traditional sense.
34:44
Even though we know exercise is great for breaking through our depression patterns and negative patterns.
34:47
It's like exercise can be fun.
34:49
It can be a sport, it can be dance, it can be so many other things.
34:53
So, don't feel bound to just exercise.
34:55
Well, and I love that you said one time on one of your podcasts that your wife will dance every day. She does it every day.
35:02
And I was like, that's amazing.
35:02
Like nothing break and And she will say off beat. That's what she learned. Off beat and not great.
35:10
You don't have to be Derek Hough in order to dance, you know, or Julianne.
35:11
I love them both and they're they're like Yeah, we love them. amazing.
35:15
But, you don't have to be like that in order to like enjoy movement and there's something about same thing.
35:21
Even Julianne and Derek would say exactly as you We had Julianne on the podcast. Yes.
35:26
And so, she said the exact same exact thing.
35:27
She was just like, yeah, like you don't have She wants people to just move their body naturally. Yeah, I love that.
35:32
And and tell us about obviously you mentioned it earlier as well, like losing your best friend and your father like close around the same sort of time.
35:42
Those sound like like very formative experiences, like very transformative experiences that you know, you you seem to have processed in a positive way where you know that they're still in your life and they're still benefiting you.
35:56
What else is What was it like going through that loss and how were you able to use it as a this now not just feeling, but this genuine reality that you experienced with them and still being involved in your life?
36:11
Yeah, you know, it was a it was so formative in a way because I feel like I I mean, I've I've never lost anyone before that and I feel like it gave me this very strong empathy that I never had before.
36:26
Where now I can I just feel things a little deeper.
36:28
Honestly, like my emotions now are always like right up to my eyeballs.
36:32
I'm like a a second away from crying all the time.
36:34
Not in a bad way, just like whether I'm watching a horse movie, you know, and like the race horse is about to win, like, "Oh my gosh, tears will flood."
36:42
Or whether like someone's telling me an emotional story or like I cry on stage all the time.
36:48
Like, just telling my fans I love them, I start to cry.
36:52
You know, but I just feel things like I've always been a very feely person cuz I'm an artist, but like it's there's a depth to it now.
36:58
And I think that um going through hard things can either give you like um you know, they can either make you harder and tougher or they can make you stronger, you know, and I just think that sometimes we feel like these hard things like they harden us, but um I almost feel like it made me softer going through this.
37:19
Um and uh and I honestly think it was my religious beliefs and my spirituality that pulled me through it and um turning to that rather than turning to anger.
37:29
And I remember actually one of the most beautiful moments of my life was um as my we were as my sisters my mom and I and with my whole family were sitting around my dad's um hospital bed as we knew that it was his like last moments, you know, we weren't sure when he was going to go.
37:47
We weren't sure if he could hear us or not.
37:49
Um but he had quite a long battle with cancer that was really hard to watch.
37:54
And so as he's laying in this bed not looking like my dad anymore, um we sat there and we were just in silence like not knowing what to say.
38:04
And then one of my sisters was like, "You know what?
38:06
Let's tell stories about dad.
38:08
Let's tell like some of our favorite moments."
38:09
favorite moments." And we just sat there and they started a little like um I remember one time and then before you know it we were laughing and we were crying and we're all holding hands as we're telling these stories and in that moment this shift happened in me
38:27
where I went from this bitterness of like how could this happen to my dad this smart strong like the best man I know funny like um he made me who I am and rather than being angry at what had happened to him and at what I was losing
38:45
I just became so grateful for what I had which was like a lifetime of memories of the most amazing father and the most amazing family that I still had and then also that I will always still have my dad because I believe he's with me and he can help me now in ways
39:05
that he never could have when he was in his mortal body like he can really be there to comfort me at any time and I really think that that was one of the biggest shifts that got me through this experience was realizing to have gratitude for what I
39:20
have not only had what I have um rather than the things we've lost because abundance and lack of abundance exists around all of us all the time whether you're the you know billionaires of the world or whether you know you live somewhere remote in a hut
39:39
like we all have abundance and we all have lack of abundance and it's up to us to choose where we are going to look because at the end of the day we all just want joy we all just want happiness and um what matters than like sharing goodness sharing
39:52
gratitude sharing love and giving yourself the the ability to have self-love and you know forget all the labels and the judgment and the money and the like who who is it that decided we're all supposed to look a certain way who's it that decided that money equals
40:06
happiness cuz it doesn't you know who's it that decided that success makes you better than somebody else it doesn't like all these things that sometimes trap our minds into feeling like we're supposed to be a certain way, are their prisons. You know, and as soon as you
40:18
You know, and as soon as you can stop all those those voices and those opinions and just realize like what is it that I want to be?
40:24
I just want to be grateful. I just want to love.
40:28
And that was a huge shift that happened in me and it happened, you know, moments before my dad passed away and it's to this day one of the most transformative just moments I've ever had.
40:39
Thank you so much for sharing that, by the way.
40:40
That's it's it's so like heartwarming to hear you express everything through gratitude.
40:48
Like you can tell how much you've processed everything through gratitude even the toughest moments of any one of our lives.
40:54
Like for so, you know, for anyone who's lost someone in any way, anyone who's listening or watching right now, you know that it's not easy to do that, but the fact that you've been able to fuel every situation in your life with gratitude is an amazing lesson for all of us all for all of us. Like it's amazing.
41:09
It's really, really beautiful and it's such a such a wonderful reminder for us all to follow that example in all of our different challenges and situations in life and you're just saying there that you know, it's all about being joyful and etc.
41:25
And like this new album that you've made, Artemis, is obviously you say it's one of the first albums that you've recorded from a place of joy. Yeah.
41:34
As opposed to recording it, you know, from a place of pain or challenge or struggle.
41:39
That as an artist, I mean, that almost sounds harder sometimes. Isn't it? Isn't it harder?
41:44
Like It's sometimes harder.
41:46
Yeah, yeah, tell us about how that was different.
41:48
Yeah, people always say that, you know, artists make the best music through pain or the best like films through pain and I was like, "Oh, that's kind of horrible that we're supposed we have to experience pain in order to make good art."
41:59
And but to be honest, like you know, whenever I go to a like start a new album or a new phase, it's like, "Okay, I think where am I at? What am I feeling?"
42:08
And you know, my Brave Enough album, which was the previous one, was written about loss.
42:11
It was right after and like during like all of this that I wrote that album, and I drew from hard emotions.
42:18
Um, and it was a good it was a good album.
42:20
However, I think that this album, Artemis, I think it's my best album I've ever done.
42:27
And it was really exciting when I like went to think about, "Okay, where am I at? What am I drawing from?"
42:31
And I got thought, "I'm in a place of joy. Like, this is awesome.
42:36
I get to write about like being in that place, not just hoping to be in that place and like the strive to get there, but like I get to write about it."
42:44
And I called the album Artemis because Artemis is the goddess of the moon.
42:50
And I've really come to appreciate this whole analogy of what the moon represents to me now that I mentioned it earlier just a briefly, but that the moon goes through phases.
42:58
Sometimes it's bright and it lights up the whole night.
43:02
Like, you can literally walk by the light of the moon.
43:04
Other times it's covered in shadow and you can't even see it.
43:07
And, you know, after my best friend Gabi died and my dad died, I was in a a little bit of a shadow for about 2 years.
43:15
Like, I was in quite this like you know, a little bit of a situational depression.
43:20
And I had kind of accepted that like, "You know what?
43:22
I think loss changes you and I think this is the new me and I just need to get used to her."
43:30
That rose-tinted glasses version of myself, that kind of magical person, I think she's gone.
43:36
And that, you know, okay, this is me.
43:38
And then after about 2 years, I just felt myself come back.
43:40
It's like the eclipse was over and I was like, "Oh my gosh, it's not that I was gone.
43:45
I was just covered up by a little bit of shadow." And that's okay.
43:50
And that's why I always like now think about like depression and all these things of like they're just, you know, or or hard weekend, they're not who you are.
43:58
They're passing phases, whether it lasts 2 years because I lost the most important people of my life or whether it's you know, just for some reason you're having a really hard time. Um, it doesn't matter. They're not who you are.
44:10
And if you keep working on yourself and doing the things that you know help, whether it's dancing in your living room, or whether it's going to therapy, or um, writing your gratitude journal.
44:19
Just like doing those things, if you keep working on yourself and living with hope, you will find your full light again, just like the moon always returns to its full light.
44:26
And that's what the this album Artemis kind of was all about.
44:30
It was about coming to full light and expressing that.
44:33
And um, and it was also really fun cuz I wrote a comic book like as a partner piece to the album.
44:40
And my I'm actually still working on um, I the first issue's out, but I'm working it's a six series comic.
44:46
But it was so fun to write like inspired by characters and the theme and like, you know, this like story that um, I got to develop.
44:53
I think it's really important as an artist or as a just a person, you know, sometimes we feel like we're running in a hamster wheel a little bit.
44:59
It's like, okay, I mean, I like my hamster wheel and all, but like I've done this like this was my fifth album.
45:05
So, I was like, how can I make my my hamster wheel feel slightly new, you know, and you know, it's not like I had to just be like, I'm done with music and I'm trying something else.
45:12
It's like, no, I just need a slight shift to make this feel fresh.
45:15
And for me, that did it for me.
45:18
Just having a story, a comic book, and like writing a music almost as if it's a score for the comic book, just made it all feel really fresh and fun.
45:27
Yeah, that sounds so innovative.
45:27
And I love the analogy of the moon because for me it's like that's such a beautiful way of looking at life.
45:32
Like you don't judge the moon every day. Right.
45:36
go, "Oh no, it's a half moon today."
45:36
Or like, "Oh no, it's covered today."
45:38
Or like, "Oh no, it's full today."
45:40
It's like, you realize that it goes through phases. Right. the same with ourselves. Like Mhm.
45:44
we're going to go through phases and you're going to you're going to be full of light one day and one day you're not and it's going to come back around and And it's okay. Every phase is okay.
45:55
is okay and every phase is still beautiful and useful and has a purpose.
45:59
I don't I it would be possible for the climate for the moon to shine the same every day.
46:02
Like I don't I don't actually think it would be scientifically possible for that to be a good thing because of Yeah, where it's going to shine and movement when you look at how the design of the universe is so perfect that Right.
46:12
If you If you took it out of alignment of the way it is, actually it wouldn't be that way. Right.
46:18
Well, and as you were saying, like some of the shadowy moments of your life, you know, metaphorically, they're the ones that taught you what you need to know.
46:26
They're the ones that give you that gave me empathy.
46:27
They're the ones that made me really dig my heels in and be like, "I'm going to work really hard so no one ever tells me I sound like a drowned rat again."
46:34
Like, you know, whatever those shadow moments are, they're important in your phases, too.
46:39
Um and they make you really appreciate like when you do get to fully shine, you know?
46:44
And And also, I just like that even when the moon is half covered up, it's still shining. Still shining.
46:51
It doesn't give up just because it's, you know, halfway covered. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
46:54
And shines in the areas that it can.
46:56
It shines wherever it can. Yeah.
46:58
And we can do the same thing, and we can all bring light to darkness.
47:02
That was another thing I love about the moon.
47:03
The fact that it's so brave and it faces the night whether it's a full moon and it's like, "I'm powerful."
47:07
Or whether it's a sliver, it still shows up to give all the light it can in the darkness. Yeah.
47:12
Wow, so much so many beautiful lessons from the moon. I know, I love the moon. Yeah, it's special.
47:17
Yeah, you've you've I'm never going to look at a moon the same way ever again. Me neither.
47:21
Yeah, yeah, it's amazing. No, it's so beautiful.
47:22
And I loved what you did about innovation.
47:24
I love that that even though this is your fifth album, it's not like, "Oh, and now I've done music and I played the violin, and maybe I'm going to go learn how to play another instrument, or maybe we're going to And I'm going to be a dancer."
47:32
Or And And there's nothing wrong if you did that.
47:36
Nothing wrong with any of that, but it's interesting to see how you can innovate in your space. Yeah.
47:42
And actually your creativity comes to life.
47:43
And you innovated a virtual concert, right?
47:45
Like that Yeah, tell tell us about that.
47:47
That sounds like a It was so crazy.
47:48
They had me in this whole like suit with all these little sensors all over them.
47:52
It's like, um and they created these um these really cool worlds for me to perform in.
47:59
I was like a a Lindsey avatar of myself.
48:02
So, I got to actually design it to be like my little Artemis character, you know, that I that I made for the comic book.
48:07
And I got to perform, um, online as this avatar in this like futuristic cool world with, you know, and it's fun because, you know, in a live show I can't be like, "Let me spin through pedals and have them like float around me and like let's have lightning go to the beat of the music."
48:22
But like, you know, whatever we wanted we could make it happen cuz it was a virtual world.
48:27
Um, and it was just really fun to have fans live all over the world.
48:29
They were tuning in from, you know, whether it was like some from Russia, some from South America, you know, some from LA.
48:34
And it was just like all over the place.
48:36
And you know, getting to have that moment together was really just different.
48:39
And also it was really funny because, you know, I've done a lot of shows in my life now at this point.
48:45
And doing a like an actual concert to like there was like hundreds of thousands of people watching.
48:51
But yet I'd finish a song and it was just like six people in the room with me that were like, You know, it's like that energy of a concert.
49:00
I kept having to remind myself like, "Oh yeah, all those little I could see the dots of the people that were in there watching."
49:05
Like, "Those are all people.
49:07
They're all here even though I can't see them.
49:08
I can't feel their energy."
49:10
Yeah, they're they're hopefully clapping at home.
49:11
You know, but just it's my manager and some of the like the engineers like, "Yay!" I love it. Yeah.
49:18
That's I love I love the innovation of it. I think that's awesome.
49:22
I I'm excited to see what you end up doing with like virtual reality or augmented reality or like are you into all that kind of stuff or like It's it's fascinating.
49:29
It's really interesting to me.
49:31
So, I, you know, it is fun to think like, "What is the next step for that?
49:35
Like how can, you know, how can music more be incorporated into that world?" And you know, who knows?
49:41
Yeah, I think experiences for audiences are just so powerful and technology allows us to touch so many people that could never be in the room or could never travel or You know, I've been thinking about this a lot lately.
49:51
About, you know, just dealing with this thought in my mind of like Social media provides such an opportunity to connect across the world and do so much good.
50:02
It also, as we know, has such a power to do like not good.
50:09
And, you know, we find ourselves sometimes trapped in these comparison like, you know, situations or like, you know, feeling bad about ourselves because everybody's showing their lives through filters and it seems real but it's not.
50:20
And I've really been thinking a lot lately.
50:22
I'm like, am I a part of the problem of social media or am I a part of the good?
50:27
And I think the answer for me, after thinking about it more, is like, okay, I think I do feed some of the problem because I, you know, I think I do some of the a lot of the good. I try.
50:38
But I was like, you know what?
50:38
I'm sure my fans look at my pictures that are like from photo shoots or like my polished music videos when I like took hours, literally hours to get ready.
50:52
Like my hair, my makeup, body spray, like, you know, I like look good when I show up on set.
50:57
Your music video is amazing. Thank you.
50:59
I I love making my videos and I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm sure people compare themselves the same way I compare myself to people's filters.
51:06
And that's not to say art is art.
51:08
And you know, this is kind of the realization I've come to. It's okay. Like I love makeup.
51:14
I love playing with costumes and fun looks and expressing myself artistically in that.
51:18
However, if I'm going to do that, I need to be okay with the other side.
51:23
I need, you know, for me.
51:24
And so I've realized I've I've made this new goal of trying to just showcase some unfiltered life online.
51:33
And that's a little vulnerable for me because I don't have flawless skin.
51:37
I still get like, I'm how 33? I still get breakouts. Like what?
51:42
Everyone lied to me and said that was a teenager thing and it never got left behind.
51:45
But, you know, just showcasing and realizing that like yeah, it's fun to get dressed up.
51:50
It's fun to do all that artistic stuff, but it's only fun if you're okay without it.
51:54
I think one of my favorite quotes is from Cool Runnings where the coach says, you know, a gold medal is a wonderful thing, but if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it.
52:06
And so I I I love that movie. Yeah, I love that movie.
52:08
And so I've really been trying to make sure like if I'm going to do all this other stuff, I have to balance it.
52:13
Like life has to be balanced.
52:15
balanced. And if because I also get used to seeing myself with these filters, whether it's like the funny filter with bunny ears that makes your skin flawless and like or whether it's like looking at myself through the lens of a music video, you
52:27
know, I need to be okay looking at myself in the mirror and saying I'm just as beautiful without all of that and and it's funny cuz when I do post like that, you know, my fans all say that's when I'm the most beautiful. And I need to I
52:38
And I need to I need to believe that and also I just want them to see that like I have frizzy crazy hair and acne and like all of that.
52:45
Like so I've been thinking a lot about that lately of trying to make sure I'm not a part of the problem of social media and I, you know, and it's I don't know, it's been a really interesting balance over the last like 2 months to try to like gauge for myself personally and for my fans. Yeah, no, absolutely.
53:04
And I I I really respect that.
53:04
I think I think it takes a lot of Because there's there's two sides to it as well and and this is kind of like the balance that you're saying of like we also don't want people to play down their lives Right. we all settle for less. Right. I mean?
53:19
It's like you want to be creative and you want to bring your art and you want to do body and you want to look and it's not like you're I think that's the point that you're not saying, "Oh, I look beautiful here and I don't look beautiful here."
53:28
That's what we don't want, but we also don't want people to just settle and not be extravagant and not play for that because there's art and beauty in that as well. Yes.
53:38
And and I almost feel like we don't want to create a culture, just as we don't want to create a culture that just celebrates filters, we definitely don't.
53:46
We also don't want to be a culture that only accepts that only accepts and I when I'm saying average, I don't mean beauty or how you look, but it's like creativity or passion or purpose, right? It's like that.
53:58
It's that balance and it's like, you know, I'm sure sometimes I'll go although too far and then I'll be like, oh, I went too far and then I'll go to, you know, it's it's probably going to be an ever fluxing, you know, balance, but like I said, it's like it's just as much for me as it is for anyone else.
54:09
It's like because I find myself comparing to other people's filters and we all do.
54:18
So, it's like, well, then I have to be really okay with myself without the filter so that I can love being that person that is behind the camera.
54:26
Like because if I love who's underneath all of that, then it's going to be all the more enjoyable to be like dressed up with antlers on and in this crazy dress and, you know, as long as I'm okay with without all of it. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
54:39
Just something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I love it. Yeah.
54:42
And I think we need to work, you know, that's I think that's going to be something we're all going to get right and wrong every day.
54:48
It's it's it's a process for all of us. Figuring it out. Yeah, figuring it out.
54:52
Like it's the same for me.
54:52
It's like I want to give as much content to remind people of the work we need to do and at the same time give enough content that also says celebrate who you are and it's like Right. it's the both, right?
55:02
Because you need to take a pause.
55:03
There are days where I'm like, I just need to celebrate and I need to be really grateful for a man.
55:08
There are like, no, I need to start working now.
55:09
You know, it's and you need both and it's never right to just do either or because if you just celebrated all day, you'd just be complacent.
55:15
And if you just work hard tough love with yourself every day, you'd get worn out.
55:22
That's the biggest challenge of life is balance.
55:24
Like and I guess like kind of like you said, it's just being able to listen to yourself and know what you need. What is it time to do?
55:32
Is it time to like hit the pavement run or is it a self-care day where I just got to take care of myself and say it's okay, you're good, like Yeah.
55:37
Or is it a tough love day where it's like get up and go? I don't know.
55:42
It's just it's this ever fluxing, like ever figuring it out, and that's so funny the way you put it of like do I tell people to like love themselves and like celebrate or go?
55:52
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly.
55:55
Thank you so much for watching that video.
55:57
If you enjoyed it, here's another one I think you'll love.
56:00
If you're listening to this and you're in an unhappy situation, I get it. I get how hard it is.
56:05
One of the things that can help is to say this demon would come out with another person, too.