0:00
When I first heard you announce the title, I was just fascinated. I was so intrigued.
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I was like, "Be a triangle."
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I was like, "What does that mean?"
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Like, I was only ever called square growing up. Right. Or or or other words.
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And I was like, "What does it mean to be a triangle?" Let's start there. Yes.
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I was also called square and then during co I turned into a circle and now I've decided that my shape is triangle.
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Well, you know, it's interesting you bring this up because and I'll tell you explain the title in a second, but I actually had to fight for this title because when I had sent the email to my team being like, I know this is not immediately understandable, but no other title will suffice. Has to be a triangle.
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And the response I got was, it's kind of confusing.
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And I was like, no, I stuck to my guns.
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And I'm so happy I did because it is what the book is about.
0:44
You know, the book is about me really coming to terms with the fact that although I've done a lot of cool things in my life, you know, you rattled off a few in the intro and although I'm on my fourth vision board, I think during co I really had a moment when everything went away and I had no events and I had nothing.
1:01
It's not that I was like, "Oh, I'm a workaholic and now I'm bored." It was deeper than that.
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It was that, oh, I don't think I have any value right now.
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like I can't measure myself in any way because I don't have events and I don't have work.
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And so I'm just kind of floating in space unsure of what to do or how to think of myself or how to think of life right now.
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And I realized that's because work was the only thing I associated value with.
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You know, I never really thought about, well, what kind of person do you want to be?
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And if you accomplish all the things on your vision board, how should that make you feel?
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And how come you don't feel that way right now?
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And so I got to thinking and the root of it was that I never had a solid foundation of just what my belief system is.
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You know, what do I want my values to be? Where do I want to be?
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Not just professionally, but spiritually, mentally, what do I really care about and what's important?
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And that's all about building foundation.
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Now, one of the strongest structural shapes on the planet is a triangle.
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[laughter] And so I thought, I need to be a triangle.
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I need to bring build a strong foundation for myself so that all of my life experiences and everything from this moment on I can put on top of this strong foundation. That is perfect.
2:12
And I love that you stuck to your guns.
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I know publishers were like what are you talking about? Be a what?
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And I was like be a triangle.
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It's got to it's got to be this.
2:21
So, I I went through a similar thing that when I wrote the title, Think Like a Monk, and that was always the title that I wanted for my first book.
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And 14 out of 17 imprints that heard that title said that I should change it really because they didn't want me to have that as the title. That's a great title.
2:38
But they said they said to me, they said, "Well, who wants to think like a monk?
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People don't even know what monks are.
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They don't know what they do."
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And I was like, but it's so true to what I'm trying to share with the world is like this is the line of wisdom that I learned from.
2:50
And it sounds like you're saying the same thing.
2:52
It's like this is what I'm actually asking people to do.
2:54
I don't need to come up with a catchy, gimmicky title, correct? Just to sell a book.
3:00
I completely agree because I think so much of my life, like I'll be real, I made thousands and thousands of YouTube videos.
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We do stuff on social media.
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You need to be a little clicky and buzzy and grab people's attention.
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for this though, such a vulnerable raw piece of work.
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I was like, I don't want to do that.
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If this is the title that I think feels right and it's what I actually want to communicate, this is what it's going to be. Yeah.
3:19
I love that you brought about how we value ourselves and I and I want to start there.
3:23
And you talk a lot about in the book what we learned at school, what we didn't learn at school.
3:27
Where do you think we learned to ascribe our value to anything in life?
3:32
Like you said you saw work as your value.
3:34
What are some of those other values that people ascribe to and where do you think we develop them?
3:40
I mean, I think there's a a few ways and I can only speak to me dissecting my own life.
3:44
I think for me, a lot of it is definitely cultural.
3:46
I mean, you can probably relate to this us both being South Asian is that my family and my community, they really do value a degree.
3:55
We live in a time right now where, and I'm not trying to bash school, but I don't know a single person using their degree right now. That doesn't matter.
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To my parents, a degree is the save all end all.
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need the degree or else you are not educated.
4:06
[laughter] You know, you have to establish a family. You have to get married.
4:10
You have to have kids because you have to keep the family name going.
4:12
You have to contribute back to the world through kids because they are not used to another way of contributing to the world.
4:20
Their understanding is that you contribute to the world through having kids and making the world progress.
4:23
See, I for a long time, and this is where I get really real, is for a long time, I think I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder when I thought of my parents and I thought of my culture because I thought you guys only have one way of doing things.
4:37
Like, I do things different.
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I'm from a different time and place.
4:40
But that was really unfair of me because I never took the time to understand, well, why are my parents actually like this?
4:48
You know, is it just that they're older?
4:49
Is it just that they were born in India?
4:52
So through the work of my therapist and honestly through writing this book I was like you know it's actually a lot to do with generational trauma.
4:56
It's about my parents were born in Punjab India they didn't have the luxury of being like today I'm going to care about my mental health.
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Today I'm going to contribute to the world by making a YouTube video and motivating people.
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They were like hey we're in a country with a billion people.
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There's limited resources.
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We need to problem solve every day.
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We need to survive every day.
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The things that matter are family, sticking together, survival, education, getting a good job, money, food on the table.
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And now I've taken the tools that they have taught me and I'm trying to use them in a time and place that is not that time and place. Yeah.
5:33
So that's where I think it comes from.
5:35
And I talk about in the book that in school when you look back you're measured by grades and in work you're measured by promotions and salaries and that's how you measure growth and success.
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But as a kid, it was never like, "Hey, Lily, today you were really patient and that marks growth." Like that didn't matter.
5:51
It didn't matter if you grew mentally or spiritually.
5:55
It was always measured by something else. Yeah. I love that.
5:57
What a what a beautiful switch of mindset because that is something that you can measure every day.
6:03
You can measure every day if you feel more patient or you feel more kind or you feel more supportive or supported.
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But you can't measure a view count or an award every day. Like that's like 1%.
6:15
I mean, you've won so many awards in your career.
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And you look at that and you go, that was like 1% of the experience.
6:19
That was like the top of the pyramid, but it's the tiniest part.
6:24
Oh, tiniest part of the triangle, right?
6:26
It's like the tip of the tip of the It's the tip of the triangle where you're like, that was just the tip.
6:31
But the whole journey to get there was where all the hard work went. Absolutely.
6:34
And I think one of the reasons I was so resilient to the things I write about in this book cuz literally when I write the book I keep thinking 5 years ago the person who wrote How to be a boss which I still believe everything I wrote in that book but I think I was resistant at first because I was like no but I still love working and I still want to hustle and I still want the awards and I'm I'll be honest and say I want the awards. I want the events.
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I want the accomplishments.
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I think the switch is not choosing between two things.
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It's saying you can have that but what does it mean? So what does it mean?
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You don't have to eliminate it, but is the award your value or is it a consequence of you having great values on this journey?
7:13
Yes, that is so well said.
7:13
I love that that it is not it is the consequence of having good values, right? Is it your value?
7:20
Is it the consequence of having good values?
7:22
That is a beautiful line.
7:24
Everyone cut that up, meme it up, [laughter] quote it, put it out there.
7:27
No, but genuinely that's so powerful because I couldn't agree I couldn't agree with you more.
7:31
I've I whenever anyone asks me, I care about awards.
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I I care about titles and I'm very honest and open about that too.
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And I see it the exact same way because to me it makes me feel like mental health is winning.
7:41
It makes me feel like the things I'm standing for are winning.
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It helps me realize that we are making a dent in the mainstream where these comments and these conversations need to happen.
7:52
Now, when I look back at what you're saying here, how difficult was it to dismantle your value system?
7:59
Because I think that's why we don't do it, right?
8:02
When you actually look at it and you go, "Wow, I value my work or I value how much people like me or I value how many followers I have or I value how many positive comments I get."
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When you live in that world, which a lot of people do.
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You don't have to be a creator or an artist to feel that way.
8:20
How do you get the courage to actually look inward and go, "Wow, I need to dismantle my value system."
8:27
Yeah, it can be really, really scary.
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And I think you're absolutely right.
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That's why people hesitate to do it because it's so so strange.
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There were moments when I was writing the book when I was alone in a room.
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No one else was there and I would find myself BSing a little on the page.
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I'm like, who are you LYING TO? THERE'S NO ONE HERE.
8:42
LIKE, rip this up and start again.
8:44
Like, what are you actually what do you actually care about?
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Because years ago, if I'm honest, I wouldn't sit here and say, "No, I do care about money.
8:51
I do actually care about I like that I have a big I wouldn't say that because I would think I'm gonna come across this way and that's not what I'm supposed to care about.
8:59
No, again it's be honest with yourself.
9:02
You're allowed to value whatever you want.
9:02
It's just doing the work to understand what those things mean and if also those things should be the driving forces behind your happiness.
9:11
Because the thing with the awards and all that stuff is like I said when you think of them like a consequence if they happen great but if they don't happen your whole world doesn't crash down.
9:20
I think that was the issue I had before I wrote this book.
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I thought, "Oh, my post is not getting these likes.
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Oh, I don't have the work.
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My travels got cancelled.
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Now I don't have purpose, value, and happiness.
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That is where I don't want to be."
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And so, I think it was scary for me to figure out my values.
9:36
But also more than scary, just really difficult because there is no map to do that. Mhm.
9:44
You know, I remember sitting down writing this book and for 2 days I would just stare at a blank screen thinking if this was a math problem, I would be able to Google this.
9:51
I would be able to dig up some lesson from my math teacher.
9:53
But we've just never been taught as kids how to do any of this work.
9:59
So, that's what I'm attempting to go through in this book. I love it.
10:02
And and I want to dive into it.
10:04
And what I love, as I said, about the book is that there's all these beautiful sketches.
10:07
And you were telling me just offline, you were telling me about the amazing artist that did these. Can you tell us? Yes, absolutely.
10:12
So the artist, her name is Paper Samosa on Instagram. Her name is Simmyi. She's fantastic.
10:15
But the story is that a couple years ago when I got my late night show, we had no money, no budget, and I had this office in the writer room and I was like, "Ah, I really need some pizzazz because it's a creative space.
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We have no money to buy art or anything like that."
10:28
So I found her on Instagram and I said, "Would you be willing to gift me a few prints so I can put it in my writing room for the first season of my late night show?
10:36
I don't have a budget to offer you from the studio, but I promise you like I'll be so appreciative and maybe Carmel will come around.
10:43
[laughter] And then when I did this book, I was like, you know what?
10:46
She's going to illustrate my book.
10:48
So, it's a complete full circle moment. That's so beautiful.
10:51
And a lesson to everyone.
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If I ask for something free, you should do everyone should just give me, you know, Lamborghini, Ferrari, you should just give me the free thing cuz you never know. It will come back. You never know. It will come back. It's guaranteed. [laughter] I love it.
11:04
No, but they're honestly incredible.
11:05
And one of the things you talk about in this book that I love is you talk about this idea of coming home. Yes.
11:13
And when I started to read that in your book and there's obviously each chapter you talk about coming home to something different.
11:20
I love that language because I think about all the time even when I come home to my physical home I always think about what do I want to come home to? How do I want to feel?
11:29
Especially because I work hard. I try my best. I'm doing this and that.
11:31
And I always think what environment do I want to come home to?
11:36
What does coming home mean to you before we dive into each chapter?
11:38
And where did that language come to you from?
11:40
Like what does that mean to you?
11:43
Yeah, I think you know when I was writing this book, I really wanted it to be, hey, you don't need to have a bunch of fancy tips and tricks and all these ways to get happy.
11:53
It's really something that's within you already and it's organizing what's within you and deciding where you want to go from there.
12:00
And so I've learned that home is not a a place.
12:02
It is not a physical building, you know, it is.
12:05
And I especially learned that during co because I was in the physical building of my home and I wasn't able to see my family for two years and I was like, I don't feel like I'm at home.
12:13
Home for me is a place that gives you that feeling of safety, security, no judgment.
12:18
You can just be and return to what really matters, you know, a reset.
12:24
So, I came up with these places mentally that could be home that when you go out in the day and you hear your friends spilling the tea and your other friends got relationship drama and all this stuff is going down, where can you come home to in your mind to reset and no judgment and recharge just like you would physically, you know? Yeah. Yeah.
12:45
And and let's to go into that because I think and you've posted about this several times and you post like candidly and you'll post like what you really look like right now versus you know one of the shows you did the night before.
12:57
So if I'm wearing Spanx you will know. Yeah.
12:58
You're you know and and it's like you're so open about it but I've heard you talk about how like so often when we look in the mirror we're criticizing ourselves or so often when we see ourselves in a certain way we are judgmental.
13:08
So for a lot of people coming home is actually all those things as well. Absolutely.
13:13
Tell us about how you've started to shift that dialogue for yourself.
13:17
Like when we look in the mirror, more people are probably saying something negative about themselves than positive about themselves. Right.
13:24
I have learned that I very seldom give myself cut myself any slack.
13:27
I am truly, and I know it's cliche, but I'm truly my toughest critic in the sense that I could have a super successful day and the one hiccup that went wrong, I'll look in the mirror and I'll be like, "Okay, well, next time we got to make sure that doesn't happen and you got to be better prepared."
13:41
And so I am very critical of myself and that's why the language coming home was so important to me because home is not a place you should feel that judgment and why I wrote come home is okay I'm going to go to this place mentally where Lily even you you don't get to tell yourself all the things that went wrong.
13:57
You don't get to be that you get you let yourself be human at home.
14:00
You know home was where the pants are not.
14:02
You let yourself be human.
14:04
And so that was really important to me.
14:05
I've it sounds simple but it's a complex idea of I've given myself permission to be a human. Yes. At home. Yes. Yes.
14:12
And and I think we all have to get to that point. And you're right.
14:16
It isn't a tip or a trick or a life hack.
14:19
It is just changing that inner dialogue with yourself of starting to realize that by the way when I do call myself like I realized this when I I realized that when I made myself feel guilty that didn't lead to growth. Yes.
14:33
Like my guilt actually blocked my growth.
14:35
When I was guilty that I didn't go to the gym, that maybe made me go to the gym the next day, but it didn't last.
14:42
When I was guilty that I had something that I wish I didn't eat, that guilt didn't make me eat healthy for the next week.
14:50
It made me made bad decisions.
14:51
Guilt made me feel worse about myself and make worse decisions.
14:56
So, I had to coach myself out of having guilty thoughts. Absolutely.
15:00
What What are some of those thoughts that you think like there it sounded like when you said you're your own toughest critic.
15:06
Where has that come from?
15:06
Is that also from our parenting?
15:07
Is that also I mean I think I think it's a mix of things.
15:10
I think one thing is that I'm a very all or nothing type person and I've been I am I've been trying to work on this and Jay knows and I I'll be very honest and say that I consider myself a really good friend but I've caught myself being slightly annoying because I No, it's true. It's true. I can fully admit this.
15:26
I'll invite Jay over and everything will be perfect.
15:28
The food will be perfect and the table will be perfect and I have all the activities planned. It's good to go.
15:33
And then Jay as he does will show up, you know, 20 minutes late and he'll blame Rodi.
15:38
That is definitely Rod's fault.
15:38
By the way, just to clarify, that is definitely Rod's fault. I'm always on time.
15:43
Okay, [laughter] Rod's not here to defend herself, but who knows, but then in my mind, I've my mind will start going, "Oh, well, oh my god, the evening is ruined now because they came to and in I do that with everything."
15:53
I do it to such a detriment where it's like it's either perfect or it's nothing now. I can't enjoy it.
16:01
And I think that has to do with control.
16:03
I think I can understand all and I can understand nothing.
16:05
The compromise in the middle being someone who controls things, they don't like that compromise, that's not in my control.
16:12
And so I've had to let go of this all or nothing mentality.
16:15
Hey, you did so great today.
16:18
It wasn't perfect, but it was really, really good.
16:21
And we're going to celebrate that.
16:21
You know, it's not letting cuz you're right that guilt does start to control your life.
16:26
And also going back to the home concept, home is somewhere you don't want to run away from.
16:31
You know, home is somewhere you return to.
16:32
I think what I really struggled with for so long is I did do those tips and tricks.
16:36
You've been to my house, you know, my my old house.
16:40
I had all these post-its everywhere and I had positive affirmations and that's all great, but that's all I had.
16:44
I had these little ways of being happy momentarily, temporarily, and then I would wander off somewhere else mentally.
16:51
But if you say come home to a place that really means, hey, this is where you are going to return to spiritually no matter what happens in your day.
17:00
always so that you cannot be led astray cuz I get led astray very often.
17:05
Very often we all [laughter] do. We all do.
17:07
And and and the thing I love about that because in your book you talk about nothing lasts forever and you talk about the need to be okay with change and that includes not just changing scenarios i. e.
17:17
me coming late to your house.
17:19
But but also the idea of change in that we change and what you just said.
17:24
You completely agree with everything you wrote in your last book, but you have an evolved version of that today.
17:29
That doesn't take away from what you said.
17:33
How have you allowed yourself to update like we we think of updating our phones and our computers easily, but when it comes to updating ourselves and upgrading ourselves, we get really slow and scared about it.
17:44
How have you become okay with the fact that you're a changing, evolving, adapting person? Yeah.
17:50
Well, before writing this book, I would not be okay with it.
17:52
I talk about in the book how I did subscribe to this mentality that there's right and wrong.
17:58
That if I don't necessarily agree with everything I've done and said in the past and now I think differently, that must mean the past version of me was wrong.
18:05
And I would think that that means if that person doesn't agree with what I'm saying, they're wrong and I'm right.
18:10
It doesn't need to be wrong or right.
18:10
We don't need to assign these labels so easily to things.
18:13
I know we like to categorize things in our brain as in right, wrong, black, white, okay, easy, hard.
18:18
But really what it is, it's allowing yourself and giving yourself permission to think differently and evolve.
18:23
And so for me, the hardest example of this is how I define success.
18:29
You know what I was taught and for much of my life, I believe success is the paycheck. It is the house. It is the car. It is the awards. It is all that stuff.
18:38
It is the career you have.
18:38
And it's not that I think I was wrong for thinking that.
18:43
It's that my my definition of success has changed now.
18:46
All those things are great, but now if I have all of those things, but I'm not happy and I'm not having fun, then I'm not successful. Yeah.
18:54
And that's what I believe now.
18:54
Again, not right or wrong. It's just I'm changing.
18:58
I'm in different a different place in my life.
19:00
I have different values and different priorities and that's okay.
19:02
I think I resisted that for so long because I was like, don't be lazy. That's lazy.
19:06
You have to pull the allnighter. You have to do this. Don't be lazy. But it's not about that.
19:09
It's about, hey, you are a human that is evolving and you're in different circumstances.
19:15
You cannot grow and expect to stay the same. So well said. So well said.
19:20
Honestly, everything you're saying is like I I couldn't be happier hearing it from you because I think so many people are inspired by you in awe of you look up to you like including me.
19:31
And when I see you having these revelations and realizations based on your own inner work, it gives me so much confidence that everyone who looks up to you is being inspired in this beautiful direction.
19:46
And I also love that you value hard work and that you value putting in the time and your attention to detail because that's also something I appreciate about you.
19:56
So whether I'm a friend or whether someone in business, I appreciate your purpose, but I also appreciate your practicality.
20:02
practicality. like the fact that you are an effective human being who manages time effectively and I think again what you're saying is we've been living in this society which is either or you either have to be lazy or you're productive but we don't have this in between which is I know how to do what I need to do
20:20
when I need to do it but then I also know how to let go the I think the internet has convinced us of that a lot that there's either this or that there's this or that not fully appreciating that we're complex human beings that fall on various spots on various spectrums and we are all in our own circumstances. Like we don't
20:36
Like we don't give ourselves enough credit. Sorry. No, no, no. Please. I want to hear from you.
20:40
I'm going to take a sip of this. Yeah.
20:42
It's I think I think that's like the it's what I have here and I wanted to read this out because I I had it marked but it's kind of like before I get into what I wanted to read.
20:48
It's your classic green sorry silver dilemma. [laughter] So good. Right. And the debate. Yes. Right. And that's what it is.
20:55
It's like it's this or it's this.
20:56
And that's the only two ways it can be.
20:59
There was something you wrote that I want to read out because I want people to realize that this isn't even though this is a okay and you can correct me if I'm wrong, but the way I say this is a book that is going to inspire, help, and guide people through their own inner work.
21:14
It is that, but at the same time, it is also a book where you like really open up and get vulnerable and raw.
21:19
And I wanted to read something for people to realize just how how that comes across.
21:25
So you you say, "I can't do Lily's voice. I can't do impressions.
21:28
I can't do accents [clears throat] or anything.
21:31
He's actually a great actor's life.
21:33
I have none of those skills, [laughter] so I will not try.
21:34
I will simply read it in my British accent. All right.
21:37
So, at the [snorts] age of 30, I came out as bisexual to my family.
21:40
It was definitely the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
21:44
And the leadup to that moment was filled with anxiety.
21:47
Out of fear that I would lose my words, I wrote my parents a letter, printed it out, and placed it in front of them.
21:55
All I could muster up the courage to say was, "Read this."
22:00
I vividly remember feeling a pang of guilt when my mom jokingly responded to the letter by saying, "Are you getting married?"
22:09
I went upstairs while they read it, unable to be in the same room with them and waited for what felt like an entire lifetime for anything.
22:16
A knock on my door, a tap on my shoulder.
22:23
After a long silence, finally I heard footsteps and my parents entered my room.
22:28
Like when you take me into a place like that in your book, I'm like, "Wow, this, you know, it's it's so intimate." Mhm.
22:38
And I feel so grateful that we get to go there with you as a reader in your book because these are not things that you make videos about.
22:45
These are not things that you talk about every day.
22:48
And people see you share your sexuality and where you are, but they don't understand what's going on in your head because we only get this one moment or headline.
22:57
Lily Singh announces this and that's what people see, but then this is what's going on behind the scenes.
23:02
And the book does this again and again again.
23:05
Tell me about that moment and tell us about how that journey has evolved over time and and even before and after.
23:11
I just want to hear about that whole process from things I know as your friend, but I want to hear from how you feel about it through the book. Absolutely.
23:21
So, I have to give credit to my editor here because you're right, I don't openly talk about this a lot.
23:25
You might see me holding the pride flag on Instagram, woo woo woo woo, Lady Gaga, but I don't actually go into what that experience was like.
23:34
and and for the reason of it's just something that I don't want taken out of context and I know the media will run with it and I know people will not actually put themselves into that time and place and so I thought the book was a perfect opportunity for me to really talk about this.
23:47
The first time I wrote this chapter I skimmed over it.
23:51
I was like, "So, I did this thing and then my parents came and then my editor was like, "Hey, I really think you should take the reader into exactly where you were, and it's the best note she's ever given me."
24:04
Because I was like, "You know what, Lily?"
24:04
Again, no one's in the room here when you're writing this.
24:07
Actually open up like people could really use this perspective. And so, I did.
24:10
And it was very difficult to write.
24:12
Even as you were reading it, I was like, it's a heavy it's a heavy emotional thing.
24:16
But the reason it was important for me to talk about this is this is one of the biggest changes that has ever happened in my life.
24:22
And like I said, the scariest thing I've ever done in my life.
24:24
And it was something that I had to really address headon because to be honest, I don't think I don't think I was honest about what that situation was in my mind for so many years.
24:34
You know, I came out to my parents at 30.
24:36
And a lot of people don't know this.
24:41
I'm very type A, so they shouldn't be surprised, but I actually came out to myself 30 days before that.
24:46
So on September 1st, I in my room came out to my dog, Scar, Bro, for the first time ever to myself.
24:55
Prior to this, I had thoughts and feelings like I don't know why I'm not just so committed in the relationships I'm in. Something feels off.
25:03
You know, growing up, I didn't know a single queer person in my high school.
25:07
There was not a single queer person. This was not Euphoria.
25:09
My high school was not Euphoria.
25:11
[laughter] Um, in university, I knew of one queer person and it was it was someone who identified as a male and I was so different from him.
25:18
So, I never really connected with him.
25:19
And so, at the age of 30, I came out to myself.
25:22
So, at the age of 29, I came out to myself.
25:24
And I said, before my 30th birthday, I'm going to come out to all the people that matter in my life.
25:29
And it was a list of like 10 people.
25:31
And my parents were last, of course, type A. I had a list to-do list.
25:34
I had a to-do list to come out as I would.
25:35
It was right in the in between steam the napkins.
25:38
Um, [laughter] and so they're last on the list.
25:41
And I thought, okay, I am going to tell them.
25:45
I'm going to write them this letter.
25:45
And in my brain, I had thought up this scenario of all the things they were going to do and say.
25:51
And I had two versions of it.
25:53
One was, this is going to go horrible. Again, all or nothing.
25:57
It's going to go horrible.
25:57
They're not going to understand.
25:58
Just in case I'm going to have this idea of things I need to pack in my bag so I can leave the house, like just all of these worst case scenarios.
26:04
And then the opposite was or they are going to throw me a party then and there because they're going to be so proud all or nothing mentality.
26:13
The truth is that they came into my room and the first thing that my mom did was give me a big hug and said, "Why are you crying?
26:23
You're my daughter and I love you regardless." Beautiful. Amazing.
26:27
I was so scared in that m moment and so nervous that because they were not saying the exact sentences I expected them to say.
26:35
I was a little dismissive to be honest and it pains me to admit that because I know so often in these stories we want to hear that like support the kid no matter what the kid is right but I was dismissive and I didn't give my parents the credit that they deserved of being like they probably don't even know what this is.
26:56
They've never been introduced to this idea before.
26:57
And so we had the conversation.
27:01
They did and said things of support. They did not disown me.
27:03
They did not kick me out of the house.
27:05
They did none of those things.
27:06
But I left that conversation needing an enemy.
27:10
To be honest, I needed to distance myself from people even though they were being supportive because I was so insecure.
27:17
I had just done this big thing in my life and I didn't know how to figure it out.
27:22
I didn't know how to now navigate the world. I felt so insecure.
27:24
Everyone's staring at me.
27:26
These headlines are saying all these things.
27:27
So, I distanced myself from so many people, including my family.
27:31
Not because they weren't being supportive.
27:34
Even though I convinced myself that was what it was, was because I just couldn't be in close proximity to people that I felt like I was disappointing even though they were not disappointed, you know?
27:45
And that was a hard pill for me to swallow because that takes a lot of you admitting that you don't have it figured out and like you didn't give your parents enough credit.
27:53
And so I'm happy to say that me and my parents are so close today and we're so lovely and um it's just a lesson I learned that it's so easy again to go back to right and wrong but everyone is a human in different circumstances and it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Yeah. Wow.
28:10
That that honestly thank you for sharing that.
28:12
Like that is just it's so powerful on so many levels and I felt the same by the way when I was reading it.
28:17
It felt it was like it's transformative.
28:19
It's transformative for me too.
28:21
Even just the idea of what you said that when we make a decision, we expect all or nothing results or we expect extreme responses and actually life somewhere in between.
28:34
And when you get that in between, you then don't know what to do with it cuz you only prepared your mind for the extremes.
28:38
And what's really special about what you said is although what you needed was compassion in that moment, you also needed to express compassion to them for their experience. Yes. Absolutely.
28:50
And that's a really interesting conversation that you're starting where it's like, well, I needed them to be compassionate to my human experience, but they needed my compassion because they don't understand this because they've never been exposed to it potentially.
29:06
And that trading of compassion is a really beautiful thing in the world, which I think is so often missing.
29:12
I I think it I could not agree more.
29:15
They gave me the compassion.
29:15
I can sit here and tell you I did not return it.
29:17
I thought they should immediately understand how how would they immediately understand this?
29:24
And I see this all the time with the world, especially on social media.
29:29
It's especially with cancel culture.
29:30
It's they didn't get it right away.
29:34
They don't get a chance to redeem themselves. They made a mistake. Well, they can improve.
29:38
It is this lack of giving people the benefit of the doubt and being human and this lack of compassion.
29:44
You know, it's that if you really look back, and these are not excuses, it's the reality of the circumstances.
29:50
My parents, this was not the thing they grew up with.
29:53
Like I said, their concerns growing up were, "We have to make it.
29:57
We have to provide for our kids."
29:59
And I know that any concern, and I know this in my heart.
30:01
I didn't know it in that moment sitting in my room, but I know it now.
30:04
Any concerns they might have expressed were not because they didn't love me or they wanted me to be unhappy.
30:10
It's because in their understanding they wanted to protect me from the world.
30:15
They in their mind think this is going to make Lily's life harder potentially.
30:19
We are scared for her and we have to protect her.
30:23
That's where they're coming from.
30:24
Whether or not that's just is not the conversation is that that's their circumstance.
30:28
What you've just done and what you've broken down for us is you've clearly articulated what compassion looks like in practice to actually understand where that person's coming from, why they think that way.
30:38
whether you agree with it or not or disagree with it, whether it's fair or unfair, let me take a moment to understand how did that person get to where they are. Yeah.
30:46
And I think that even what we're seeing in movies today and media today, I love that we're getting into stories of how people became who they became because it's so important.
30:56
We always tell the origin story of heroes, but we rarely tell the origin story of the villain.
31:02
No one no one ever knows how the villain became the villain.
31:04
And then you start seeing movies like Joker come out and everything and you start going, "Oh, like now we're telling this story of how someone got there when we don't agree with them."
31:13
And it's also this idea of if you really think about it, the hero and the villain are the same person in different circumstances.
31:21
And that's another thing that I write in the book that I actually say during my meditation every day is that I am everyone and everyone is me and we are in different circumstances.
31:28
And the reason I say that is because Lily get off your high horse.
31:32
You are not right compared to someone else.
31:35
Even though you are in two different sides of the spectrum of what you might might agree on in a certain subject, they have certain circumstances.
31:41
You have certain circumstances.
31:43
And the reality of the situation is if I was born in a different time and place and I were my parents, I might have reacted even worse.
31:50
To be honest, I might have reacted horribly.
31:51
And to say otherwise is just a lie.
31:55
It's so easy to be like, "If I were in your shoes, I would have done this." You might not have.
31:59
You might have done worse because circumstances matter. Yeah. I love that reminder.
32:02
But I think it was a few years ago where I realized that I wasn't better or worse than anyone.
32:08
I wasn't ahead or behind of anyone.
32:11
I wasn't right and they were wrong or vice versa.
32:13
I was just me and how I processed this experience.
32:18
And you brought up meditation there.
32:19
Let's dive into that because I know you've meditated for a long time and it's continued to evolve as a practice for you.
32:25
In this book, you talk about our wonderful dear friend Janvie Harrison too. Yes.
32:28
uh which is wonderful to see uh because she's such a special human being and and I love that you're you're really good at like in this book like you you know you're just good at like picking people who have had this impact and and sharing their work with you.
32:41
Tell us about what meditation looks like for you now and and why the current practice that you do of it is useful to you. Absolutely.
32:51
So, I've really had to remind myself of the it doesn't have to be all or nothing here.
32:56
Because although I aspire to be a J Shetty, I know when I've tried in the past to have a rigid routine where I wake up at a certain time and I meditate in a certain place and it looks a certain way, I have failed because for me, I go to sleep at different times.
33:12
My schedule's arrive and honestly, I get bored sometimes.
33:15
And that's just me being really honest.
33:17
When I have a really rigid routine, sometimes I get bored. I need a little change.
33:20
bored. I need a little change. So for me what meditation looks like is not every day I would say threeish four-ish times a week I will listen to one of John V songs actually I meditate to her music for me I like music for me personally guided meditations I've learned don't work and I've stopped being embarrassed about that even though some of my dear
33:38
friends have guided meditations [laughter] because I always start thinking about what the person looks like and all that type of random stuff and if I've listened to Jay guide me through a meditation I'm like Jay I miss that guy and I'm going to start to just wander into all places so I personally use music especially because for me I'm I'm really connected to musicality and the journey it takes you on. I'm really into the highs and lows and
33:57
I'm really into the highs and lows and visualizing myself in all these places.
34:01
And so I meditate to music for about 20 minutes.
34:03
I use now the things I write about in my book.
34:06
So if I start my every meditation by saying today the four things that matter are the relationship to yourself, the relationship to the universe, understanding distraction, and implementing design. I check in on myself.
34:17
I'm really honest with myself, how I feel, what I'm grateful for, if I'm having any petty thoughts I really want to just like it's a really safe space for me to be like, "Hey, you're allowed to process whatever is going through your mind right now."
34:29
And you don't have to process it in a way where now you're going to come up with solutions.
34:33
It's just to know where you're at.
34:35
Just connect with yourself.
34:37
How are you feeling physically, mentally, emotionally? That's it.
34:38
That's all you have to do.
34:40
Next, I connect myself to the universe.
34:42
And the reason I do this is because I talk about in the book, but it's also because in our industry, Jay, you can get very vain very fast.
34:48
You it can become all about you very, very fast.
34:50
I really value that reminder that I'm connected to something greater.
34:56
And it also helps me alleviate some of my control issues that I have, that not everything is in my control.
35:02
I'm connected to something bigger, connected to other people.
35:03
Like I said, I'm them, they're me, and we're in different circumstances.
35:06
I also then send compassion.
35:08
And I talk about this in the book, which is for so long I would meditate when I was upset.
35:13
I would ask God for things when I'm having a bad day.
35:18
It's all about take take from the universe.
35:20
And I never really thought about, well, what are you putting back into the universe?
35:23
[laughter] You know, are you being a fair partner to the universe?
35:27
And so I spend time really thinking about how I can send love.
35:30
And I literally visualize love and like coming from my hands and sending it to whoever might need it.
35:35
You know, this is it might sound silly, but before I judged on Canada's Got Talent, when I meditated, I actually sent love and light to all the contestants.
35:44
I love that because I was like, I know what it feels like.
35:47
I know I'm judging you, but like if you're nervous, and I visualize them as if you're nervous, remember to have fun.
35:52
Like, know that I'm going to be with you on that stage.
35:54
I just try to send the energy to whoever needs it. That's beautiful.
35:59
I just got to take a moment.
36:01
And that is so beautiful. Thanks, man. I try. I try. Yeah, I love that.
36:05
Um and then I go into understanding distraction and imple implementing design which I talk about in the book and that is I have defined distraction not as the way we traditionally think of it you know your phone going off someone talking during a movie all these things but distraction is the things that take us away from where we want to be spiritually.
36:23
So take us away from the home we've created.
36:25
Suddenly I'm feeling petty.
36:27
I'm comparing myself to someone. I'm feeling ungrateful.
36:29
I label all of those things as distractions.
36:31
Not because they aren't valid, but because I don't want to stay there.
36:35
I want to go there, process whatever needs to happen, and come back to this place where I am grateful and I do have strong values.
36:44
And then I implement design.
36:44
And this is where my practicality and spirituality mix up.
36:47
mix up. And this is hey you know the life that you want stop telling yourself all the reasons you can't have those things and actually just design your life in a way where they can happen you know and a prime example of that is so often I was told growing up that hey
37:05
like you can't have a career where you dress up and play pretend and you're creative and you do like grow up get a real career that's a phase I had to design a life where I was like I unsubscribed to that idea the idea that I can do this as a career serves me better. So, I'm going to design my life
37:20
So, I'm going to design my life this way.
37:22
So, a lot of that has to do with unsubscribing from the ideas that do not serve us because I I and I'm sure many other people, we have signed this invisible contract on a lot of ideas that do not benefit us, but we do it anyways.
37:35
You know, that is so well said because I remember when I fully had signed the contract that I was going to work a full-time job and that teaching wisdom was going to be my hobby.
37:48
That I'd signed that contract.
37:48
I'd subscribed to the idea that sharing wisdom could not be a full-time purpose.
37:55
It had to be something I did on the evenings and weekends.
37:56
And now when I look back and I think I am so glad that at one point I unsubscribed as you said from that ideology because otherwise I'd still be in that same place.
38:07
And it's incredible to think about it because it sounds easy to say it now but I can honestly say that when I started I had no idea that anyone would care at all.
38:17
I just knew that I believe deeply about what I was trying to share and that's what fueled me to keep trying. But I'm with you.
38:23
I was fully subscribed to the idea this not a real job. It's scary. unsubscribing to ideas.
38:26
I mean those ideas exist for a reason.
38:30
Society has these ideas for a reason because no one has challenged them.
38:32
No one has found a different way.
38:33
And again, it helps categorize people into boxes.
38:37
To unsubscribe from those ideas, it's scary and it's risky and it feels like you're walking a path alone. But those are ideas. They're not facts.
38:47
There is no rule book saying Jay has to do this and he can't do this as a job. There's no rule book.
38:51
Like for so long, I thought there was a written rule book that I'm an Indian woman.
38:54
I can only do these things. I have to be quiet. I can't be outspoken. I have to do XY Z. Where is this rule book?
39:01
Like I have just decided that that's what I'm going to live my life by. No.
39:05
Like I do the work to let go of those ideas and make your life the things you want them to be. It takes work.
39:11
No one's saying it doesn't, but it's so that work is so worth it. Absolutely.
39:15
My auntie has that book at home if you need a copy.
39:16
[laughter] I'm sure she does. I'm sure she does.
39:21
So, I'm sure there's a written I'm with you. I'm with you. This I love.
39:25
I want to go back to this.
39:25
I want to go back to this. you have this graphic in here which is about the mis calls from the universe which when I saw that I was like I need to read this section because I and that's how I went through the book I was like I was looking at stuff that was and I was like oh this I love I love this let me read what this about
39:39
tell me about that because I think that like you said we're always expecting the universe to give to us but you were actually saying here that we're missing calls from the universe what are those missed calls what are those signs that we're getting but that we keep missing well I think it's a lot of things I think it's how we think about even failure and loss. We don't think that there's and at least
39:58
We don't think that there's and at least in that moment, we don't think that there's something bigger at play.
40:02
You know, we we have this tendency to think when we're sad that the world is against us, the universe is against us, cuz that's a comforting and easy place to go to. I am hurt.
40:12
It's because my life sucks and this is sucky and my day was sucky.
40:16
And in that moment, we don't think that something bigger is at play.
40:20
We're missing calls from the universe.
40:20
M I can genuinely say any horrible thing that has happened to me, any failure, any loss, there has been an exchange there.
40:29
I lost something and then I gained something because of that thing.
40:33
And that's what we have to think about the universe.
40:34
The universe is constantly exchanged.
40:36
Everything is an exchange and it is a relationship that we really need to foster because we ignore it so often.
40:43
We don't think about that.
40:43
Hey, I actually have my job today and I have the following I have today because I spoke so openly about my experience going through mental health and people related to me. Great.
40:55
But we don't actually dissect like, hey, remember that time you're really sad?
40:58
This is the exchange for that.
41:01
The universe actually came around and gave you something.
41:03
So why do you not nurture that relationship?
41:06
You know, and I talk a lot about people who have a lot and have really tough past and perhaps we don't give ourselves the opportunity to analyze what those losses gave us.
41:15
And I think we should because I think that makes them silver linings and it makes us realize that like, hey, there's something bigger at play.
41:26
What do you think your biggest loss or failure was internally or externally?
41:31
Like what was that when you think about that moment where you felt lost as you say in the subtitle of the book, but also the idea of when you feel you've lost, right?
41:41
Feeling lost and feeling like you've lost. When was that for you?
41:46
And and how did obviously we know how you processed it because that's what the book's about.
41:50
But when was that for you?
41:50
How did you identify that?
41:51
I mean, there's a few moments, but if I'm being really, really honest, the most recent one and the one that was most profound, and I think this is for a lot of people because it was an extraordinary circumstance, was during quarantine.
42:03
You know, I really did feel like I lost momentum in my job.
42:06
I felt like I definitely physically was in the worst.
42:12
I would walk up the stairs and I'd be winded cuz I was doing nothing.
42:14
I wasn't leaving the house.
42:16
I was just I literally baked 30 cookies every day and played Fortnite. You know this.
42:20
I asked you to play with me every day.
42:21
Um, but I was in such a place where I was so lost and had no direction.
42:25
And I remember thinking, man, I've worked so hard at stuff and these two years is going to completely derail me and I'm going to start from scratch and all my momentum is going to be gone.
42:36
And I could not see any light in that situation, especially because of what was happening in the world.
42:41
I saw no light in that situation.
42:44
If quarantine didn't happen, without doubt, there would never be another time in my life where I actually would have the time to do this work because I would be so busy with distractions and obligations.
42:54
And I joke that quarantine forced me to pause and reflect.
43:00
It forced me cuz otherwise I would have never done it. I truly would.
43:04
I would have still been going, I would have went on a flight right now.
43:05
I would have been burnt out times a million right now. Yeah.
43:09
And so this book, I keep calling it a gift to myself.
43:12
It is the gift that co and quarantine gave me. Yeah.
43:16
So that loss that me being lost, the exchange of that was me doing this work.
43:22
I love that idea of the loss and the exchange.
43:23
Like that that's such a we understand it with everything else.
43:27
You buy something from a store, you eat calories, you understand it with everything else, but we don't tend to understand it spiritually because we can't connect it. Exactly.
43:35
Cuz we don't do the work to connect it.
43:36
We're never taught to connect it.
43:36
And I'm encouraging people to make those connections. Yeah.
43:40
And understand and it'll help you understand loss and it'll help you understand that the universe is big and it's glorious and it's magical and you should be open to it and you should be connecting and nourishing that relationship. Yeah.
43:49
And and and you're bringing I mean you're saying it's a gift to yourself.
43:53
This book is definitely a gift to everyone who's going to read it.
43:54
It genuinely it genuinely is because it's I think what you just said about co and the pandemic I think that was a worldwide phenomenal experience. Phenomenon experience.
44:05
It was that's how everyone felt in some way and yes in different extremes in different experiences but that was a unified feeling that these two years are derailing my life. It postponed my wedding.
44:18
It means I'll never see my family again potentially because I lost them.
44:23
It means I can't get the career I wanted.
44:25
I started a new job but we're not in the office so I don't meet anyone.
44:28
I'm just stuck in my tiny apartment. Right.
44:32
that experience and that's why if you're saying that that's what catalyzed all of these reflections and the work then it is a gift to everyone because that's exactly what everyone needs to hear. Yeah.
44:42
So, one of the things I want to dive into is this idea that you you bring about around distractions and I've seen you like and implementing design.
44:55
If anyone wants to know how good Lily is at implementing design, play Fortnite with her and watch her play katan and you [laughter] literally just don't exist because she's just like, you know, just and I love the way your mind works because we always joke about this that we we have a lot of similarities.
45:10
Yes, we are very similar.
45:11
We're very [laughter] similar.
45:11
Me, when I see I see so much of myself in Lily all the time.
45:16
Uh, anytime I'm in an argument with anyone and I want someone to see my point of view, I will call Jay.
45:20
I'm like, Jay is going to know exactly where I'm coming from here. Yeah.
45:23
I and I relate to you fully and we're totally on the same page.
45:25
But when I see you and I see you operate in that way and now that you're bringing this compassionate heart to it and this kindness to it and and you're able to implement design in that way, has it become more joyful in the execution of stuff?
45:40
Like I want to hear about how you execute differently now because we we talked about how to be a boss and that was like the book before and we talked about that that is important but now we're going back to that like now when you're hustling or now when you're working really hard or now when you're being productive how is it now fueled with joy?
45:56
How do you make sure that now it's coming from a place of meaning? Yeah.
46:02
So I posted about this recently.
46:06
This is not a joke for anyone that doesn't follow me.
46:07
Uh my vision board is in my shower. Yes. It is in my shower.
46:09
Like it is taped to the glass outside of my shower.
46:14
So I see it every single day. Genius. I literally Yes. I see it every day.
46:19
Smack dab in the middle of my vision board because my vision board is structured in a way where the things in the middle are my core values and then it builds out.
46:26
And right in the middle is make sure you have fun.
46:27
So part of my foundation, my triangle is that my relationship with myself and my relationship with the universe and how I implement design is going to be that my definition of success must include fun.
46:43
It did not previously in my come up in my career.
46:45
I did a lot of events and gigs and things where I was like, I don't care about this at all.
46:49
This is horrendous, but I will do it. I will do the free gig.
46:52
I will do this gig I'm not passionate about to earn my stripes.
46:54
We all work hard with this idea that I'm gonna get to this place where eventually I can call the shots.
47:01
I can do what I want to do.
47:02
We get so caught up in the climb that even when we're in the position to do what we want to do, we're climbing still cuz now it's a habit.
47:09
It's a habit and we've forgotten the reason we started in the first place. That's where I was.
47:12
So now having fun is a requirement of anything I say yes to.
47:18
Doesn't matter what opportunity comes in my inbox.
47:20
If I'm not going to have fun, it is not going to happen.
47:25
And so, yes, because of that decision, things are more joy more joyful.
47:28
When I'm doing a podcast or I'm presenting something on stage, I'm not going into it thinking nail every line. It's got to be perfect.
47:36
You got to execute and then you got to network.
47:38
It's, hey, this is pretty cool that we're here.
47:40
And I think you should go there.
47:42
And I think by the end of the night, Lily, I think you should go home and I think you should say, hey, you know what?
47:47
That was like really fun.
47:49
Because if you don't have that, it doesn't matter. Yeah.
47:54
It really doesn't matter and there is no point.
47:56
That doesn't mean you can't do it well.
47:57
That doesn't mean you can't be prepared.
47:58
I will still do all of those things.
48:00
But I will find the joy in doing all these extraordinary things that I get to do.
48:04
And I learned this especially because I'm sad to admit that.
48:08
And my first world tour, I mean, think about this. A 30 city world tour.
48:13
Not many people can say they've done that in their life.
48:15
I got to meet with my fans.
48:16
I had all these costumes. And how old were you?
48:19
Oh, this was like 6 years ago. So, yeah. 14. No.
48:23
[laughter] But I I was pretty young, you know.
48:26
I would be lying if I said that I remembered every moment of that because I was so fixated on this lighting cue and this next thing I have to say and the t-shirt says everything has to be perfect.
48:38
And I'm not saying again evolution not all or nothing.
48:40
I'm not saying that's not important. It is.
48:41
And I know you're like this too.
48:42
We like things to be a certain quality.
48:45
But that doesn't mean you can't be present and have fun. Yes. Right.
48:49
You should still have fun.
48:49
And so now I've decided everything I do the criteria is joy and fun. Yeah.
48:54
I love what you just said about the habit and how that habit and and I get at least let me clarify and you can correct me if I'm wrong but what I'm hearing you say is that there was a time when to earn your stripes you had to do things that didn't necessarily extract joy but you saw them creating platforms from which you could experience joy.
49:14
But what happens as you reach those platforms, you maintain that habit and that pattern that you platform which I can be in full joint. Right. Absolutely correct.
49:28
And so earning your stripes wasn't a mistake.
49:30
That's a healthy thing and that's needed in everyone.
49:34
But what was the mistake was that habit that gets formed of like I will be not happy because that's not what you're saying.
49:40
I will allow myself to have fun when Exactly.
49:43
there's always another better time or place where this joy could happen.
49:46
And and I think that's a learned thing as well.
49:49
You know, I talk about how my parents have earned their stripes above and beyond.
49:55
They immigrated to Canada in the '7s, worked so hard.
49:57
You know, my dad had multiple jobs.
49:59
He grew from one position to the next.
50:01
They're so well off now, and they've done such a great job.
50:05
Both of their kids are taken care of. They don't need to work.
50:07
They don't need to save up for anything.
50:08
God knows I'm not getting married.
50:10
they don't need to use that money for anything. You know what I mean?
50:14
And I always tell them like, why aren't you guys traveling everywhere and like doing all the things and they still are in that mindset of like no because you know we have we have to save up for for things and we can't do those things now.
50:27
We're too old for those things.
50:29
And it's that habit that we can't do that yet. We're not there yet. Yeah.
50:36
We are so often we are there. Yeah. Yeah.
50:38
And if we keep chasing that no, not yet, not yet later, we're going to miss out on that joy.
50:42
Yeah, that's so so well said.
50:42
And I and I fully agree with you, too.
50:44
I I was sitting down with my team recently and just saying that I I I want to be able to do things that I want to do that are risks and are fun and are things people don't expect of me because that's what you work hard for is to be able to do that.
51:00
I was like, even doing this was a risk in the first place.
51:04
So why would I stop taking risks now?
51:06
like you know because I think we get protective as well right and and to me I think taking risks has always been a core value of mine and and now I'm like I want to take more risks and I want to do things that surprise me and surprise other people and and and are not things that people expect because when I started this people didn't expect it either. Absolutely.
51:24
So, it's funny how we, especially people like me and you, we and other creatives as well, we stepped outside of a box only to then put ourselves in another box.
51:35
It's just a slightly bigger box. Totally. Totally. Yeah. For comfort and safety. Exactly. And we keep doing that.
51:40
And then I always have to remind myself and sometimes I have to remind my team when they're like, "Hey, this is not how things are traditionally done."
51:45
And, "Hey, we should do things like this."
51:47
I'm like, "You have to know who you're talking to here because right now I have a wig and a beard on my face and I'm dressed up as my dad.
51:53
So you need not tell me how [laughter] things you need not tell me how things are usually done. Absolutely.
51:58
I was I was at a dinner the other day and I I paid for the dinner and and the two people I was with one of them said to me they said Jay you are bucking every industry trend like someone else should have picked up the check and I was like I my response to that straight away and they were very grateful and they were wonderful about it but my response to that was I want to break every tradition. Absolutely.
52:17
Absolutely. Because these traditions have just again who wrote the rule book and the more we subscribe when I feel the same way whenever anyone says to me like but yeah this is not how it's done or this is what this role is or this is what this I'm like says who then most of these roles are not going to exist in 10
52:32
years and why is it not done another way totally why is it not done another way totally you know and those yeah go on and another thing I was going to say the bigger lesson I've learned here is that I need to go out to more dinners with you [laughter] I was like what Jay's picking up checks around What? [laughter]
52:48
[laughter] I I think I think Yes. Yeah.
52:49
I I mean anytime I will unsubscribe to the idea that I should pay for the check [laughter] and you can pay for the check. I'm okay with that.
52:59
Well, with us actually so everyone knows the truth.
53:01
We're always competing over who does this.
53:03
Just everyone knows my lily. She Jay is very sneaky. Comes to my house. He's like, "No, no, no. Next time, next time."
53:08
And then the next time is always He's sneaky.
53:10
So, you definitely have to pull the DIY moves of like running and giving the credit card in advance and all that.
53:15
I'm one of those awkward plant-based people who doesn't want to cause like pressure to other people and like, you know, it's so good.
53:20
We're just two uncles battling it out for the check. It's [laughter] fine. It's just fine. I love it. All right, Lily.
53:25
So, we have dissected how to be a triangle, but we have literally scratched the surface.
53:32
There are so many incredible messages in this book.
53:34
The sections that Lily talked about in this interview, they go so much more deeper.
53:38
There are so many more takeaways.
53:40
There are so many more beautiful moments where you're going to have these light bulb moments and these moments of insight and reflection for yourself.
53:47
And I honestly believe that this, you know, I I think and I read a lot of non-fiction, self-help, and mindset books. It's I love that stuff.
53:57
And sometimes it can get repetitive.
53:57
And this was one of the first books I've read in a long time.
54:01
But this was so authentically you.
54:05
Thank like it was just so you like everything you said was so you and it was so genuine to who you are that I was like this is so real and that's why it works for people and that's why it will work for people and when people apply it they will feel change in their life because you're not trying to teach or
54:22
you're not trying to preach or you're not trying to guide you're literally saying like this is what worked for me and this is how I think about stuff and it's so simple yet so practical yet so uh applicable to people that I was just blown away as to how you it is and I could hear your voice in my head. That's I love that compliment.
54:39
That's I love that compliment.
54:40
I could hear your voice in my head as you as you think through an idea.
54:42
I'm like that is exactly how Lily would explain it to me if we were sitting next to each other.
54:46
And I think that's beautiful for people to know that because I think people can read a lot of self-help and be like oh this is repetitive or I've heard this before or someone said and I'm like sure but we have to hear it from someone's unique experience.
54:58
And I think you capture that really well.
55:00
So thank you for doing that. Thank you. I appreciate that.
55:02
exactly what I wanted the impact to be. So, thank you. Yeah. Thank you. All right.
55:05
So, we're going to end uh this interview with what we call the final five.
55:10
These are a rapid fire fast five, which I always break the rules on. Okay.
55:14
I'm going to definitely break the rules. I go, "Tell me more."
55:15
[laughter] And so, anyway, we try and answer these in one word to one sentence maximum. Okay, cool.
55:21
I'm definitely going to break those rules. Break the rules. We both It's fine. It's fine. I'll allow you.
55:24
Usually, I'm sometimes I'll try my best though. Yeah. All right. Okay. Question number one.
55:29
What is the best advice you've ever received?
55:32
[snorts] [laughter] that reaction.
55:36
Sorry to everyone who's listening to this only. I'm not sorry. This is how I feel. Um, okay.
55:42
This supposed to be rapid. Oh my god.
55:43
Uh, I shouldn't call it rapid.
55:46
I should call it um I should change the name.
55:48
Now you just made me realize it shouldn't be rapid.
55:51
It should be more like condensed five.
55:53
But that sounds terrible.
55:53
Like I mean it's definitely probably going to be okay.
55:56
Is it going to be a quote?
55:56
It's actually going to be a quote I live I live by.
55:59
I actually first heard it from my big fat Greek wedding. Oh, [laughter] cool. Okay.
56:02
And the quote is, and I'll never forget it.
56:04
It is, don't let your past define who you are.
56:07
Let it be a part of who you become.
56:08
And I think that speaks really well to the evolution we were talking about earlier. Great answer.
56:13
That was that was two sentences. That was good. [laughter] All right. Question number two.
56:17
What is the worst advice you've ever received?
56:21
I think what we talked about this is how things have usually been done is tried and tested. Yeah, definitely.
56:26
I don't want to hear that about anything in my life.
56:27
I don't want to hear it even I'm not even talking about work stuff.
56:28
I don't want to hear it about anything in my life. Absolutely.
56:32
About how one should be spiritual, how one should have relationships, about how one should form friendships.
56:36
I don't think any idea should be treated as if it's a fact. Ideas are just that.
56:42
They're ideas to be explored.
56:44
Love that you have full permission to avoid the one sentence because that was a great answer.
56:47
So feel free if [laughter] anything I asked you and you want to expand on it, just so accommodating. Thank you. No, no, no.
56:52
because that was such a I'm so happy you expanded on that because I love that you stretched out to everything like I I think the idea of not just saying this isn't just about work or people in an industry.
57:03
The fact that you talked about how to be spiritual like I that resonated so deeply with me um I love that and so please please expand.
57:09
Okay, question number three.
57:11
How would you describe your current purpose in life?
57:14
I think my purpose is to be a disruptor.
57:20
I have come to terms with that word.
57:20
It used to mean destruction chaos to me, but now it means beautiful chaos to me.
57:27
I want to disrupt systems and ideas.
57:32
And that does include paving the path.
57:35
Yes, I want to disrupt the industry.
57:36
I want to disrupt how TV and film is made.
57:37
I want to disrupt the stories we see.
57:38
But in everything in my family, I am a disruptor.
57:41
I'm the first that has done many, many things.
57:43
My parents will openly tell you.
57:45
I wanted to just disrupt and shake things up. That was my purpose. Yeah.
57:50
And I think what's interesting about that, which I love, by the way, that's a very unique answer.
57:53
We've never had it on the show.
57:56
The reason why I love that is because a you can do it anytime, anywhere.
58:00
There's no way you can't do that.
58:02
And what I love about it more importantly is that what you just said is you're the first to do many things.
58:08
And that's actually scary.
58:08
And it also means that you're not always going to get it right by other people's standards.
58:15
M and I think we have to learn to value that when people are treading new paths and are disrupting that there are going to be changes and pivots and adapting that that comes along the way.
58:28
And I think we we want innovation in the world but when someone tries to innovate and it's slightly different to what we expect.
58:34
We're so quick to criticize quick to tear someone down and actually that doesn't make any sense because that thing only got created because someone did something that was never done before. Absolutely.
58:44
And so I think we need to be we need to create more space for people to be able to try new things for the first time because that's what takes the world forward at all.
58:53
Could not have said it better myself.
58:54
Innovation and disruption and you know this you you're the first of many as well.
58:58
It is very difficult to do.
59:00
There's a lot of obstacles and hurdles that come your way a lot that people will never know about.
59:06
But I enjoy being a disruptor and I enjoy encouraging people to think differently and I enjoy doing things in a different way. Love that. All right.
59:13
Question number four is, what did you once used to value that you no longer value?
59:21
This is a little bit of a complex answer, but something I used to value is a certain type of friendship.
59:30
And what I mean by that is I and I might be a little jaded by me being in the public eye to be honest, but I used to only want to be friends with people.
59:39
And I really valued the friendships I had when people knew me before I got famous.
59:48
I really valued that connection of like these are my childhood friends and they know me and these are my true friends.
59:54
That has really hindered me growing up because now I've been in the public eye for 10 years.
59:58
And what does that where does that leave me?
59:59
It leaves me in a position to never make new friendships again, right?
1:00:02
Because inevitably the new people I meet, they're never going to know me before 10 years ago.
1:00:08
I don't value that definition of friendship anymore.
1:00:10
I value evolving that and and connecting with people in different ways I've never have before. Hey, I met this person. I really feel something.
1:00:20
Me and you as a perfect example.
1:00:22
I can consider you one of my close good friends.
1:00:23
You didn't know me before I was, you know, Lily on YouTube.
1:00:28
and I didn't know you before you were the J Shetty, you know, and I think if I met you years and years ago, I would have probably dismissed our friendship because I would have been like just another networking thing, another work thing.
1:00:40
I I value that so differently now.
1:00:44
I understand that you can connect with people in different ways and people can play different roles in your life and it can still be magical and special. Yeah.
1:00:51
And I love hearing that because a I value our friendship so much.
1:00:55
But but I get that it's it is really interesting to toy with that.
1:00:58
Like I the person I speak to most every week is the guy who was the best man at my wedding.
1:01:05
I speak to him like three times a week and we talk for an hour every time.
1:01:06
And if someone told me where do you find that time?
1:01:10
It's really weird because I'll find it in gaps.
1:01:11
He's always kindly available and will pick up and make time for me.
1:01:15
and he's an entrepreneur too, so he can be flexible and we'll just talk and we can talk for hours and it's easy because he's I've known him for I've known him since I was 18.
1:01:25
So I've known him for nearly 17 years now.
1:01:26
He's one of my closest he's my closest friend and what I've realized is history is important to me because there is something special about when someone has history with you.
1:01:38
But what I've realized that doesn't stop you from creating new history and new memories.
1:01:42
And that's what I feel with you.
1:01:44
Like when I look at my time in I think of our time as we built so much history during co together that that's exciting to me because I don't have that history with any of those people because I wasn't there with them.
1:01:57
And I think that's exactly correct.
1:01:57
And I'm not trying to discredit my childhood friends.
1:02:00
When I No, when I go and hang out with my childhood friends, it's special and we have these memories.
1:02:02
But I really did, if I'm being honest, struggle with friendship when I moved to LA because I was so attached to how that should happen, how friendship was supposed to be that I was my biggest obstacle when it came to making new connections. Yeah, I love that. What a great answer, Li.
1:02:20
Like, what a great honestly like I appreciate you because that is such a We've again never had that on the show and so you know, will you hire me? Am I hired? [laughter] Hired. Am I hired? Am I hired? We'll give you an award. Yay. Fifth and final.
1:02:35
What does that award mean? I know. What is it?
1:02:36
[laughter] What is it the consequence of? All right.
1:02:39
Fifth and final question is, and I'm so glad we didn't. Okay.
1:02:42
This from today, [laughter] the fast five is officially being scrapped when I feel like it.
1:02:48
We have to find a new name.
1:02:50
Please, please tag us on Instagram and come up with a new name. I'm struggling.
1:02:53
All I'm doing right now is thinking of a new name.
1:02:56
What is this thing going to be called? I haven't got one. Okay.
1:02:57
So fifth and final question is uh if you could create one law or one habit that everyone in the world had to follow every day, what would it be?
1:03:09
And take your time as well because every time you take your time, we get the best answers. So read beer triangle.
1:03:16
That was Lily's voice, by the way. That wasn't me.
1:03:18
I don't One word or one law or one habit. Yeah.
1:03:22
Either either law as in something that people have to follow or a habit people have to practice. It's up to you.
1:03:28
Something that I think is being lost in the universe today and perhaps it could be jaded by my career in social media, I don't know.
1:03:36
But something that I feel is being lost in the world is the value of context.
1:03:44
I feel like a lot of conflict in the world, a lot of tension in the world, a lot of negativity in the world is because we don't value context anymore.
1:03:53
We judge people very quickly.
1:03:53
We judge them from snippets online or things that they've said.
1:03:58
Like I said, we don't appreciate their circumstances.
1:04:00
We don't even acknowledge that they might have different circumstances from ours.
1:04:02
I think the world would be a better place if it was mandatory to have context.
1:04:10
when you're speaking to someone, when you're putting something on Twitter, when you are even debating, and I think the reason the word law made me think of this is I think of how many times in a courtroom a decision or law has been passed about a person or a group of people, even though that person or group of people, their context is nowhere in that room.
1:04:30
You know, I think about how many people have made laws about women's bodies and no woman was part of that or like one woman out of 20 was part of that decision because there's no context.
1:04:39
context. I think context is important and should be valued and if you don't have that what are you actually talking about you know Lily with the depth man wow these are like I'm trying mindblowing friend literally no these are just I mean these last three answers that you
1:04:58
given we've just gone in a obviously completely different direction to what we're talking about but like that's such an that would be such an incredible law and habit that if we and I don't know how you would execute it but that's for a different time and place. But I think just the value of
1:05:09
But I think just the value of context because it seems to be an endangered concept right now. Yeah.
1:05:18
I often I often find the way I've been trying to do it in certain circumstances is and I'm sure you get this a lot.
1:05:22
A lot of people ask me, "Oh, what's this person like?"
1:05:25
And I'm sure you get that too because you've interviewed some amazing people.
1:05:28
You you're friends with incredible people.
1:05:31
And and people go, "What's this person really like?"
1:05:33
And what I've realized is that that answer can be so complex [snorts] and again out of context because it's so easy to say, "Oh yeah, I just bumped into them in an elevator and they were really rude and just didn't care. They're a rude person."
1:05:50
And what you just said, it's like, "Well, that's just one tiny minuscule experience."
1:05:53
Or the experiences me say, "Oh, they're the sweetest, nicest person in the world."
1:05:58
Again, it's a very subjective experience.
1:05:59
And the point is that without context that answer can be so misconstrued and that's just one example and I've realized for me practically it's just saying something along the lines of like this has been my experience and being able to contextualize by saying this is my relationship with that person and this is my experience with that person that's all I can give you.
1:06:16
all I can give you. I think even hearing someone say in my experience I think why I love that is because then someone listening doesn't really have the right to say well no well that's not no because again context is again we all have our own experiences
1:06:31
and we need to understand that everyone has their own experiences I love that everyone Lily sing be a triangle how I went from being lost to getting my life into shape is available right now we have the link in every bio caption comment wherever you can get it Please, please, please go and order the book today. It will not disappoint. Uh I It will not disappoint.
1:06:48
Uh I cannot wait to see this.
1:06:52
Please tag me and Lily on Instagram, on Twitter, on Facebook, on Tik Tok, whatever you're on, and share what your biggest nuggets, your biggest wisdom, your biggest takeaway were from this interview because I love seeing what resonated with you, what connected with you.
1:07:06
And then what I'd love for you to do is take a picture of your favorite picture, sketch, whatever it may be from the book, and I want you to tag me and Lily and post that on Instagram, too, because this book is full of the most beautiful designs. Uh, Paper Samosa. Yeah, Paper Samosa. Paper Samosa.
1:07:22
Uh, please do tag us because I'd love to see which ones you're resonating with, which ones you're in love with, which ones you're going to make a part of your vision board and your meditation every day.
1:07:30
Uh, Lily, thank you so much.
1:07:32
Thank you so much for your support coming from the king himself.
1:07:36
Thank you for the support.
1:07:37
I appreciate I always have such a great conver and it's so lovely because like we're friends but we don't always get the chance to go this this and and I love it like literally when I'm hearing and I felt this last time too.
1:07:46
I said the same and last time we weren't as we hadn't spent as much.
1:07:49
Yeah, we were just starting our friendship and that was 3 years ago and I felt the same way last time and I said the same thing to you.
1:07:55
I was like, that was just so deep and profound and thoughtful in so many ways.
1:07:59
And you know, you you're a comedian, so you'll always just like laugh it off or whatever, but but genuinely, it was even this time.
1:08:06
And you've given me so much to think about that and and I appreciate having these conversations with you because we relate on so many levels. So, absolutely, Lily.
1:08:14
Thank you so much for having me.
1:08:14
Thank you for everyone for listening. I appreciate it. Yeah. Thank you.
1:08:17
If you want even more videos just like this one, make sure you subscribe and click on the boxes over here.
1:08:23
I'm also excited to let you know that you can now get my book, Think Like a Monk, from think like a monkbook. com.
1:08:32
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