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You're both giving up something you both want for something both of you don't want.
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That's what a compromise is.
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Imagine I gave up what I wanted to do all the time to be where Radhi wanted me to be.
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I'm going to be feeling upset.
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I'm going to be thinking I should be doing this or I could be doing this.
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And then you develop bitterness towards the other person when you can't even respect and appreciate them.
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I feel like you actually move closer away by forcing yourself together when actually you could move closer together by allowing yourselves to have that space.
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Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose and our annual episode with the one and only Radhi Devlukia-Shetty. Hey!
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We do this every single year.
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The first ever episode on the podcast on the 14th of February 2019 was Radhi.
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We did our one-year celebration with Radhi and this is now our two-year celebration with Radhi.
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The podcast is now officially two years old. that's amazing.
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But also I thought number one you'd keep my seat warm for me. Is it not warm?
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I mean, and seeing as I'm like probably the person that's been on the podcast the most, I thought maybe I'd have like some of my favorite snacks here, but had to bring my own tea, didn't I? This is your house.
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Had to bring my own tea, didn't I?
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This is your house and the snack cupboard is yours and you do own this place. if you bring it for me.
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I'm so excited to be here.
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Um and yeah, I don't know what we're going to speak about, but I'm very excited.
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Yeah, so Radhi and I don't plan these.
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What we do is we ask my team, friends, people we know, people we don't know to come up with questions that we can discuss and that's what we're going to do today.
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We think 2020 was a incredible year for relationships and the challenges it brought with that.
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So we want to dive in today about how we tried to navigate 2020.
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And as always, these conversations are completely raw and open and vulnerable where we're sharing with you our mistakes, the things we got wrong, the things we learned, the things we got right.
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We're sharing all of it in this conversation.
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So, I really, really hope that you enjoy this one. As do I. So, let's go.
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What should we start with?
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So, the first question the first question that I have from our team Mhm.
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is what do you find hardest about love?
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I was actually thinking about this this morning when I was thinking about coming and speaking here. Speaking here?
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Coming and speaking to you.
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Um and I was thinking about how, you know, a lot of the time when you end up feeling um annoyed at your partner or irritated in some way or when they really annoy you and I'm Um I actually actually made me realize that a lot of the time, you know, they say it ends up being a reflection of you.
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And I think a lot of when I think about what ends up like when we have our like petty arguments or whatever it is, I feel like it's actually because it hits at a sore point of me realizing that it's it's my whatever we're arguing about how I'm reacting, it's my weakness.
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And a lot of the time that's stubbornness.
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And so, I feel like whenever we I think that's quite that's quite a difficult thing when it comes to relationships or love is that the other person because you spend so much time with them and because um you know, they they know you better than anybody else that they end up being a reflection of actually you.
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So, every time you end up having interactions with them that aren't that great, actually a lot of the time you can sit there and be like, "Mm, maybe that had a lot more to do with me, how I reacted rather than that other person."
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But sometimes it's them, too.
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That's a really good answer.
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That's a really good answer.
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I think that's such a good point.
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I was I think what I'm saying is I would second that.
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And to give another answer, to give a different answer, I also feel the hardest thing in a relationship is you're always projecting your strengths onto the other person's weaknesses.
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So, you want the other person to be more like you.
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But when you really think about it, you don't.
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Like you love you love the other person for not being like you.
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But when you say things like, I'll give an example that I'm super organized, disciplined, live by the schedule, on time.
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And And and And at times in our relationship I've wanted you to become like that and do things like me.
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And when I've really sat with that and really thought with that, I realized actually I don't want you to be like me because I love you for not being me.
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And the things that you bring to this relationship, whether it's spontaneity, whether it's being fresh, whether it's being always alive, like that's the strength.
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And I think what we do in relationships is we dampen our partner's strengths instead of amplifying them.
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And what that does is it makes your partner feel like they have to do something different or be something different.
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But actually if you amplify their strengths, which is the part you love anyway, you're going to have a much more fulfilling and exciting relationship.
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So I think that I find that hard because I think we all live in our heads.
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And we think the way we think is the right way.
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So you don't want to go shopping with me or you don't want to go to like get some plants? And yeah, no, I I agree.
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And and I feel like it's But I also think from from that that you know, it also helps even if you're not doing even if you feel like it's a negative thing to to notice that and to um to try and correct it.
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In the same way I think you can also help the other person tighten up on that area of their life, too. Like, okay, cool.
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You may be super organized and I may be not very organized at all, but at the same time we can find like a good middle ground when we're together where it's like, okay, you know that I like being spontaneous.
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So, maybe randomly I'll be like, okay, cool. Like, what you do?
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You're like, oh, you know what?
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I won't I'll just cancel my meeting or else I'll I'll I won't do this and let's just go do this.
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And for me I'm like, oh, okay.
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And I I know that I try to be a little bit more organized where I'm like, okay, I need to make sure I do this today.
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I need to make sure I give you this today. Like, whatever it is.
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Like, trying to trying to make that better as well cuz even though it's a strength in some ways, every strength ends up being a weakness in some way, too.
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So, I think it helps, you know, kind of balance it out as well and and help the other person notice when they need to probably change a little bit. Absolutely.
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Okay, second question is, how did your relationship change in 2020? How did it change?
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I kind of feel like this felt like our like first year of marriage because we um probably well, no, not probably.
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We have not spent this much time together in a whole entire relationship.
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And so I kind of feel like for me it felt like we were on our honeymoon type feel where we just got married and we were learning so much more about each other.
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But but then we ended up um yeah, just just really understanding one another and settling into each other a lot better than we probably even have for the past How many years have you been married? Like, 3 years? 4 years.
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We've nearly been married 5 years. Nearly 5 years.
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It but it feels like 1 year.
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Um but yeah, no, I I think it really made us um it really helped us understand each other better.
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It helped us get into a rhythm together, which I don't feel like we ever really had a rhythm together.
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Um and so I think it's actually changed um in most like in I can't think of any ways that it's changed in a negative way.
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I really think that it's improved our relationship through figuring a lot of stuff out, but it's definitely got to a point now where I'm like, oh, wow, this that whole year was definitely a good jump or a good step up for us.
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Yeah, I'd have to say one of my favorite things was it was the first year where we started doing a lot of physical activity together.
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Because we always go on like travel together or something like that, but it was the first year we started actually working out and exercising together.
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So we used to go on hikes up Griffith Park Mhm. and then Runyon Mhm.
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and then we'd go on walks Yeah.
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and just so many opportunities to be in nature together because we weren't going to the gym and then we were doing in-home workouts together with a virtual workout. Yeah.
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And we'd put our playlist on with that song that you were talking about the other day. rush.
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That's the song of 2020 for me.
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And I just think that we were forced to just spend so much time together, but we actually found ways to do things we enjoyed together.
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I think we actually realized that we were spending time together in the wrong ways before.
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Like I feel like that's what it made us realize that we thought going shopping together or going to watch a movie together was like and sitting and watching a movie together were the ways that we would be spending time together.
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And then we realized that actually we just really enjoyed doing whether it's like normal things like working out, but it feels so much more fun for us than sitting there and doing something that feel I don't know.
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I don't know how to explain it, but yeah, like something that where we're not talking or we're not interacting and the focus is somewhere else.
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Whereas like you're completely focused on the activity, completely focused on the other person.
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And it was just so much more fun to do that stuff together even if it is just like working out and or going for a walk or whatever it is, but it felt so much more interactive and like yeah, so much more fun. Yeah.
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And for everyone who's listening and watching, this was the year that Radhi and I have spent the most actual time together since we've been married and since we were dating because I'm always traveling, she's back at home in London, sometimes she's traveling.
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And for us to be in this space together, we we had to focus on learning about each other even more.
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So, it it was a big change for us. Yeah.
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And like Radhi said, I I think the same.
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I think it just brought about positives for us, thankfully.
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And, you know, we we grew a lot closer this year, I think.
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Yeah, and I do think it's also because we it I don't feel like it it felt natural, but at the same you know, it was natural because we were both very aware and intentional of how we were interacting with the other person because of how bad it's gone in the past.
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I feel like we have been able to use all of those mistakes that we made where we were really trying to figure out a way for it to be better.
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Like we both had the intention of making it better.
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Whether it was like quarantine, whether it was COVID, whatever it was, that like I feel like we'd gone through so many times where we tried and then maybe like we still won't understand each other.
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We were like, "No, this time we both actually really want to intentionally make an effort to have conversations that we maybe don't have, to um resolve things in a way that we don't normally resolve things."
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And so, yeah, I think I think that that's also important cuz it wasn't just like, "Oh, this was nice.
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Like it just happened this way."
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I feel like it was definitely something we thought about and and tried as well.
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I'll do a question for you. Go on.
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Um I was thinking about this earlier, too.
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Like and I was going to ask you separately, but I thought why not ask you on here, put you on the spot.
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Um what is Like okay, for example, you know in a relationship when one person asks the other person to do something.
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Like I always think about this with you because you always, regardless of when I ask you to do something, no matter if you're like, let's say something simple.
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Like we're both sitting watching something and I'm literally like to you, "Oh, I really want this."
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And like I haven't even asked you to do it, but you'll literally get up and you'll go and do it for me.
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Or like I'll ask you to go get something and you'll like you won't even flinch.
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Like, you'll go out of your way to do it.
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And actually, I was thinking about it and like, that seems like such a small thing, but I actually feel like it's not because a lot of the time where even if it's with your mom, your dad, whatever, it's just, "Oh, do I really have to go and get it?
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Like, can't you just go do it yourself?"
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But you, I feel, have generally always been like that.
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And so, I was just going to ask you cuz I think it'll be helpful for other people, too, and helpful for me.
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Like, what goes through your mind when even if I'm being really irritating or being a brat, like what makes you just continually do that without Yeah, without like moaning?
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The first thing that goes through my mind is, "You are such a brat." Yeah.
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You are You are closer to that light switch right now.
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You are closer to the water container right now.
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Why are you asking me to do this?"
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That's the first thing that goes through my mind. Yes.
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And then And then my monk mind comes in and there's two sides to it.
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First of all, I know you're not asking me because you're trying to make my life difficult.
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You're doing it because you want to be loved that way. And Maybe, yeah.
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And And I think that when you realize, if you're in a loving, trusting relationship, you start realizing that your partner's requests, even if they seem unreasonable and irrational, a lot of the time, that's just how that you want to be loved in that moment.
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And when you see it in that way, Yeah.
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you go, "Yeah, of course I want to love you in that way."
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Because you're not doing it to hurt me.
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Because I know you love me.
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You're not doing it to upset me.
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You're obviously not doing it to irritate me. Mhm.
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So, then the only reason you could be doing that is because you need some love right now.
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And you need love in that way or you need connection in that way or you need intimacy in that way.
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And so, you're asking for it because it's a request for love. Mhm.
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And I think we think of requests for love as like, "Oh, give me a hug."
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Or I need to talk to you.
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We think of those things, but actually it's the day-to-day moments in the small things where someone's saying, "Please love me. Please see me. Please show up for me." Please bring me a snack. Please bring me a snack.
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What And And And I think we mistake that language because we think, "Oh, that person's being so irritable." So demanding. So demanding. And And maybe they are.
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And And that's something that you have to check for yourself.
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So, if you are that person, Radi, then then you have to check for yourself whether it is demanding and stubborn or whether it is a request for love. Yeah. For yourself.
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But I've made it in my mind that I believe you love me.
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And so, if I believe you love me, then I should believe that this is you asking for love. Mhm.
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And so, but if I didn't believe you love me and I was insecure about that, then it would be really annoying. Yeah.
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And so, it doesn't mean that I don't have that thought.
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It doesn't mean that I don't get internally frustrated with you for a second.
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And then straight after that, this kicks in and that walks me through it.
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And I think when when people sometimes say to me like, "Oh, well, haven't you got it all figured out?"
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I'm like, "No, the first thought is never the thought that has it all figured out."
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The first thought is always, "Oh gosh, whatever whatever whatever." Yeah. It's the second thought.
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It's a lot It's It's taking that time to have that second thought rather than reacting to the first. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
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So, that's the answer to that question. That's great. Thank you.
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I've always wondered that. I have, actually.
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So, this question came in from our team.
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It says, "Tell me about a time where you think we've made a compromise and how did it work out?" I'm going to go first.
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I know the first thing you're going to say is, "I don't believe in compromises in relationships." You know me so well.
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So, that's That's exactly what I was going to say.
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I was like, "As soon as I hear the word compromise, I have a I have a very interesting relationship with the word compromise because I believe that compromise makes you feel that both of you are giving up something you want for something you both don't want. Oh, yeah.
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Which doesn't make any sense to me. Repeat that. Repeat that. Rewind. That's a good point. Go on.
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Have a Have a Jay Shetty moment.
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So So I have a really interesting relationship with the word compromise.
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Because I don't understand what compromise means is that you're both giving up something you both want for something both of you don't want.
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That's what a compromise is.
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So it feels like one person is getting what they want and the other person is not getting what they want.
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That's what a compromise is. Mhm.
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Whereas what I have tried to live by in our relationship is I want you to get what you want and I want to get what I want. Mhm.
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Now if that doesn't mesh all the time or if that doesn't connect all the time then the only thing that's being compromised is this false view that we should always feel the same way about everything. Mhm.
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And I think that just makes that actually makes space for resentment.
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It makes space for bitterness.
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It's almost like Think about this, everyone who's listening and watching.
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Think about this for a moment.
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Imagine I gave up what I wanted to do all the time to be where Radi wanted me to be. Mhm.
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I'm going to be feeling upset.
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I'm going to be thinking I should be doing this or I could be doing this. Mhm.
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And then you develop bitterness towards the other person where you can't even respect and appreciate them.
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And if you were always dragged to what I'm doing you may be thinking, "Well, I could be doing this or I could be doing that." Mhm.
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And what ends up happening is I feel like you actually move closer away by forcing yourself together. May I say that again?
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You actually end up You actually end up moving further away.
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You actually end up moving further away by forcing yourself to be together when actually you could move closer together by allowing yourselves to have that space. I agree.
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So, that's my relationship with the word compromise.
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We've both been very happy for the other person to live freely to do what they want to do and with that pressure of being like, "Okay, cool.
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It's my friend's birthday."
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For example, and if you're not that interested in coming or I'm not that interested in coming with you, it's not like, "Oh my gosh, but you have to come. Like, we're a couple.
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We can't go places without one another."
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Like, we just say, "Okay, cool.
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Like, you don't need to go."
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And we understand that, too.
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It's like, "Yeah, it's going to be boring for you.
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Like, you don't need to come with me."
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And we're very good at making it quite clear if something is important to us, whether it's family stuff, whether it's whatever. Say, "Okay, cool.
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You don't need to come to this family thing, but I would really appreciate it if you could make some time and and come here."
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And so, I think it's also that where it doesn't feel like a compromise if one the You know that it's that It's the same thing as what you were saying about the bringing me water or snacks.
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It's like, you know that the person loves you.
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And so, if they if you make explicitly clear what's valuable to you, and they still don't feel and you still don't feel heard by them, then that's one thing.
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But like, if I know that you love me and you know what's important to me, I feel like you always know when you need to show up.
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And if, for example, you haven't and I may not have communicated it to you.
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If I tell you afterwards, it's always like, "Oh, I'm so sorry.
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I had no idea that's how you felt."
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Um and so, yeah, I think it's important one like letting the other person know what is of value to you and whether it's actually that important.
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Not being like, "Oh, come with me."
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And the person says, "No."
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And then you're like, "Oh, okay, fine."
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Like, it's It doesn't have to be like that.
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It can be a, "Oh, but please, I really I like this is really important to me."
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So, it's being It's communicating and letting you know about that.
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And also, yeah, understanding that the other person loves you and that if they are saying no, it's not because they're trying to hurt you.
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It's because they maybe genuinely have something that's more important to go to or to do. Yeah.
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And and I think you're right that you That's a really good point because you expect the other person to read your mind and to know why it should be important to you.
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And we often have that thought like you should know this is important to me.
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But but the truth is that in every relationship like no one knows until you explain to them.
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And I think in our love relationships and our romantic even in our friendships, we just expect everyone to fully know what we value.
19:37
Yeah, it's like with even with family for example just if if someone is really close to their family, you expect in your mind that they realize that that's an important thing.
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But if for example that person is not that close to their family, in their mind it's like oh it's my uncle's birthday.
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Come to my uncle's birthday and you're like I won't even go to my own not you but generally someone else might be like oh I won't even go to my own uncle's birthday cuz I'm not that close to them.
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So I think it's like you are expecting the other person to live how you live and how you have your relationships or how you value things.
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And it's it's an unfair expectation because people have been through so many different things in life. Awesome.
20:12
All right, next question on the list next up is we both have such hectic schedules in life and lots of work going on and all our commitments.
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How do we find time to spend time alone and time with each other?
20:28
I can answer that actually.
20:28
I have so many of my family members always like but does he have time to spend with you?
20:33
Like do you guys have time?
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I was speaking to one of my family friends the other day and she was just like are you sure you guys spend time with each other?
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And I was like yeah we spend a lot of time together but but I can understand why people may think that.
20:45
But yeah you know what I don't feel like we've ever really felt I I feel like even if we've had the moments where we've had like months apart, we do make an effort that when we are together especially recently within the past year or two years would you say? You say two years?
21:00
We've started doing yeah we've started doing a thing where we make sure that we have at least a weekend that we spend solid together.
21:06
And sometimes that's more time that you spend together even if you were seeing someone every single day for like a month because it's condensed time, it's it's intentional, and it's um with the sole purpose to spend time together and communicate um and be together in a meaningful way.
21:22
So, yeah, we definitely um make that time, but it's also because we choose to do that.
21:28
Yeah, I think we both thankfully gravitate towards quality time versus quantity of time. Mhm.
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And so, we'll both be like, well, if we're both tired today, we'd rather not force ourselves to try and spend time together and give each other space or give each other time to decompress.
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And this weekend we'll make sure we spend time together rather than the artificial force of like today we had to spend time together because we promised or we said we would. Yeah.
21:58
And it's like, but maybe we're both not got the right energy right now or we haven't got that we haven't got that presence right now and so I think it's a mutual understanding.
22:06
At at the same time, I feel like, you know, there've been different parts in our relationship.
22:11
Like I remember when we lived in New York, we probably didn't spend a lot of quality time together because the only time I had off was the weekends and I was busy working sometimes too and you were doing all your courses and your work on the weekends.
22:25
And so, I spent a ton of my weekends alone and you spent a ton of your week week weekdays alone.
22:34
And if you think back, that's that's literally was the pattern of our life for 2 years and then there was travel to London and and everywhere else I was going.
22:42
And I think through all of that, it was always just about savoring those moments.
22:47
It was about really cherishing and realizing that we were in a building phase and so, I want to address something here actually that I think will be really interesting for people is I talk a lot about like the five cycles of life that we all go through.
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So, we have learn, experiment, Mhm.
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perform, struggle, thrive. Mhm.
23:05
And so, these like different stages you go through every year.
23:11
And when we were in New York, we were in a build phase of our life.
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Like, we were both building. We just got married.
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I'd literally just started my career.
23:19
You were discovering your career.
23:20
We were in a build phase. Yeah.
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And I think when you expect a lot from your partner, when you're both building, it can be really demanding. Mhm.
23:29
But now we're at a stage in our life where certain things we're performing in, where I've got a bit of a rhythm and a role, and so I'm able to give more time, and you're in this different stage in your life.
23:38
And I feel like when you start looking at your life as stages, Yeah.
23:43
as opposed to like This is how it's going to be forever. Yeah. forever. Yeah.
23:46
It's like it can't be that way.
23:49
And there's actually a really good book on this by Gary Chapman.
23:50
And I think it's called the four seasons of love or the four seasons of marriage or relationships.
23:58
And it talks about how is your s- is your relationship right now in the season of summer, winter, spring, or autumn?
24:07
Now, when I think about this, I think that all of us want our relationship to always be in summer.
24:13
I mean, I like winter, but I yeah, okay.
24:16
Yeah, you just ruined Well, I yeah. You ruined it. Go along with it. Go along with it. Yeah.
24:18
We we always want our relationship to be in summer in the sense that it's hot, it's passionate, it's cool, it's like everything's good about summer, right?
24:26
We all look forward to summer.
24:27
But maybe your relationship's at a point in life right now, as this book says, that your relationship might be in winter.
24:33
It's going through a dark period, a cold period, where you just got to stick it out together. Yeah.
24:38
When I think about New York, yeah, when I think about us in New York, it was a bit of winter and spring. Yeah.
24:44
Like, it was a bit of winter and spring.
24:45
And autumn's like where you got to let go, and you got to shed.
24:47
And I think about when we first started dating, there were moments where our relationship was in autumn. Yeah.
24:51
Where we were just letting things go. Mhm.
24:56
And purging and and energy.
24:58
I know when you were going to yoga classes and Yeah.
25:02
your yoga teacher training.
25:02
So, I just I think that book's a great model and that reflection that I've had for a while that your life goes through stages and seasons.
25:11
And stop trying to make every day and every week summer. Mhm. Yeah. Uh I really love that. That's so cool. What great book.
25:19
Yeah, I had a reflection.
25:19
I started researching and then I found the book. Mhm.
25:21
And the way I was thinking about it is like if you know it's winter, you take an umbrella out. Yeah.
25:28
it's winter, you put a coat on.
25:28
But if you think it's summer, you keep expecting your partner to, you know, Anyway, so this is an interesting question.
25:36
What film or TV show do you think offers the best example of a healthy relationship?
25:40
Oh my gosh, that's such a good question.
25:42
I automatically in my mind go to um This Is Us cuz one of my favorite shows ever. I've never seen it.
25:51
You've never seen it, but it's so good and We love Chrissy, our good friend. Love Chrissy.
25:59
Um but they were actually really lovely examples of couples who like make it through stuff in that.
26:04
Whether it's like the main couple, I'm sure to be honest most people have probably seen it.
26:09
You're just the odd one out.
26:09
But um yeah, the the main mom and dad and then there's um Sterling, what's his name? Sterling Brown? Sterling the actor. Yeah, probably. Yeah.
26:18
Yeah, I think that's in something Sterling or Sterling something. You'll know who I mean.
26:23
But their relationship is amazing cuz they go through so many ups and downs, but they're so good at communication and I I feel like that's a very good show to show very different types of relationships.
26:32
Even Chrissy's relationship with her partner, her husband on the show.
26:36
They're all so different in relationships and the way they communicate, but they show very good yeah, very very realistic and and uh useful relationships, I feel. Yeah. I love that show. It's so good.
26:53
I actually struggle with this question because I think A, I don't watch a lot of TV shows, but I do watch a lot of movies.
26:58
And I think growing up, I had a really unhealthy view of love because of movies.
27:02
So I grew up watching Bollywood movies a lot, and I remember thinking that that's what love had to look like.
27:10
Yeah, like a flower comes up in the middle when two people are about to kiss.
27:13
That's what they do in Bollywood.
27:15
Or or like you're all like dancing around and like there's all this like There's all this Yeah, and like music's playing when you fall in love with someone.
27:24
you in slow motion and my hair naturally falls like this. Yeah.
27:28
And you're coming towards me and then it cuts because they don't show anything else in Bollywood films. Yeah.
27:33
And so so that's what you I grew up with unhealthy projections of love.
27:38
And the the thing that comes to mind when I am thinking about this apart from The Last Dance, Michael Jordan documentary, which doesn't show marriage but shows like love in a team and camaraderie and collaboration.
27:49
I'll try and find a bit more of a I I actually think The Happy Place The Good Place, sorry, The Good Place.
27:55
I always call it The Happy Place.
27:56
Kristen Bell's character, Eleanor, and her relationship with Chidi.
28:00
Like the way it shows relationship dynamics is really interesting about like what is a good relationship, what is support, what is friendship.
28:08
Like I think it answers a lot of deeper questions.
28:10
Yeah, I think that's such a good show. It's such a great show.
28:15
I'm enjoying it so much and we came to it late, but but we're loving it. Yeah.
28:18
And I just think it has so many good messages.
28:20
So I'd have to go with that. Okay, cool.
28:22
This Is Us and Happy Place. Yeah. No, is it? The Good Place. The Good Place, yeah.
28:26
I call it The Happy Place all the time as well.
28:28
And and yeah, and I'm going back to what the shows I grew up on. I grew up on The O. C.
28:32
and Desperate Housewives.
28:32
Both not good good examples of relationship ideas.
28:38
And and Friends you grew up on, which again Which again, I wouldn't say it's like the best relationship stuff.
28:45
It's just comedy and yeah, but I agree with movies is for girls and for guys I guess.
28:50
I guess I didn't think that it was such a big thing for guys because you never I don't know growing up I always think guys just like I'm thinking about like romance in in that stage of their life but for girls I think for sure you're just always seeing how like the you the girls like the damsel in distress and the guy like saves him saves her and I think it's um yeah, movies mess you up.
29:13
Okay, this is interesting question.
29:13
Do have you ever experienced a doubt in our relationship?
29:17
And how do you express doubt?
29:23
I guess maybe like right at the beginning when um I'm trying to think.
29:29
I'm sure I did right at the beginning and then like you know just before you're getting married and like everything's like a bit confusing and there's just so much going on because of wedding and then you're like oh my gosh I have to get married to this man. I'M JUST RUTH?
29:42
UM I SAID NO I want to know. It's a good question.
29:44
just I guess just at the beginning when everything was so up in the air because like you know as uh I'm sure in most cultures but in our culture it's like the man should have a job and the man should be the breadwinner and like Which is not true.
29:57
You should have No which is not true but and he should have everything figured out before you get into a relationship with that person like everything should already be set before you even think about marriage um and we really didn't have that.
30:09
And so I think probably at the beginning but I was so lucky because my mom and dad really were just so okay that I naturally feel doubts can come into your mind when other people get in your mind um but I think I was quite sure.
30:22
I felt like I felt like straight away I knew I had a connection with you.
30:27
I knew that your values and the person that you were um I I just knew we'd be able to grow so deeply together um and that's really what I was focusing on and then I was so lucky that the rest of everything else fell into place but and I'm so grateful for that, but I I knew that the core thing that I wanted in the relationship was there for us to grow deeper in our spiritual lives together, and that was the main focus for me.
30:52
And then, yeah, and then we started having fun.
30:56
I was like, "Oh, he is fun.
30:56
Like, he's just not just like a teacher and like just so deep, but you also was so fun."
31:02
And and it all the things that I maybe hadn't thought about was important to me slowly start coming and I was like, "Oh, that is really important to me.
31:10
Gosh, I didn't realize at the beginning that that's what I wanted."
31:14
Um but, yes, the doubt was definitely um was definitely like taken away by me constantly going back to the fact that I wanted to be in that relationship with you for that reason. And um yeah. Yeah.
31:30
That's a That's a good honest answer.
31:32
Yeah, I think I think my only doubt was always and and it's funny because it's so hard to express this because I remember it was really funny when your family and mentioned this to you and it was like, "Are you sure he's not going to run back and be a monk?"
31:47
And run back back to the monastery.
31:51
And it's so interesting because my only doubt in our relationship, previously, not anymore, had ever been that should I have been alone?
31:58
So, my doubt was never like you or another person or if you were the right person.
32:02
It's always been it's either you or me being alone.
32:08
And and I think that comes from me loving being alone and spending so much time alone, and I think there was a part of our relationship where because I was spending long periods on my own, I always considered that and I and I and I had that consideration of like, "Oh, is this what I'm meant to be doing?
32:23
Like, should I have done this?"
32:24
Like, I and I think a bit part of my doubt came from a came from a bit of sadness that I was like, "Oh, am I taking her away from her family?
32:33
Am I taking her away from her dreams?
32:36
Am I taking like that was where my doubt of should I have been alone came from was oh no, maybe I'm like for my pursuing of my purpose, which I'm really dedicated to, am I taking her away?
32:51
That was where my doubt came from that am I so selfish that maybe I should be doing my purpose alone.
32:57
Why should I drag someone else on my journey?
32:59
And I actually think at the beginning I probably felt that way too.
33:04
Like I I probably but when we went to New York it definitely felt like compromising because I felt like the only thing I really had at that time in my life that I truly valued and felt I was very concrete in was my family and that's what my whole life revolved around and so I guess at the beginning because I hadn't matured in my thoughts of of what this relationship was, I did
33:26
feel like that and I and I remember there used to be times I was like, well um I can't remember but I'm sure that there were moments where in my mind I was like, well we have to go back to my family to do this because you've taken me away anyway, like you've taken me to New York and so now we have to do this because I want to do this or we have to like you need to do this for me because we've done this for you. And um
33:45
And um yeah, but but I but I definitely now looking back I realize actually it was all so much more for like it so I don't feel that way at all anymore but I can yeah, I can I can relate.
33:59
I probably had those feelings a little bit at the beginning that you were you're probably feeling from me. No, it's good.
34:05
I I I think these are great conversations to have and what's interesting about these conversations though is that sometimes you don't have them in the moment. Yeah.
34:13
If you don't monitor that well, that could end up breaking something. Definitely.
34:18
And we're lucky that it didn't.
34:18
I feel like it could have though if if I hadn't if if I then didn't choose to like figure out what was going wrong with me and I was projecting that all on you and making it feel like it was it was the issue was our relationship or the issue was you but really it was me having a lack of awareness of myself.
34:33
That I had to I had to do that.
34:36
Otherwise, I think I would have constantly kept blaming it on that and constantly felt that way.
34:40
And I have so much admiration for you and respect for you because of that, because I think that it's so easy.
34:44
I was always trying to compensate and help in whatever way I could, but I feel like you doing that is what's made our relationship so strong is that you've just really worked hard on the last few years of finding yourself, discovering yourself, working.
35:00
And you've tried a lot of things.
35:02
Like you've It's not been easy and you know, I I feel like I found my thing when I was 18 and Mhm.
35:08
I've been doing it for 15 years, and it's funny for me to think that because a lot of people online are like, "Oh Jay, you've only been doing this online for like three or four years."
35:18
And I'm like, "I've been doing this for 15 years."
35:20
But for you, I've watched you since that we've met, which was, you know, the sorry, since we've been together, which is what, nearly 8 years now?
35:26
And I've seen you like try this, try that, experiment with this.
35:32
And actually, it's been really amazing.
35:34
Why don't you tell people about how you feel your journey's been of discovering your real passion?
35:40
Because I think people see you now, and you've got your amazing YouTube channel, and your Instagram page, and all the wonderful stuff you're doing.
35:46
And people may think, "Oh yeah, Radhi just And yes, you've always had this energy that everyone loves you for and that I I fell in love with you for.
35:54
But the way you're expressing it now has definitely evolved. Mhm. Right? Yeah, definitely.
35:58
I To be honest, I feel like I had no idea what I was doing till till beginning of or like, what, March last year?
36:06
Um when all of this started happening, and it was the first time I had to literally sit there and be like, "Oh crap, oh crap, I have no excuse of oh, I can't do this because Jay I have to go with Jay traveling.
36:19
Like, I can't start my own thing because, you know, I'm never really in the country, and it's really difficult.
36:24
I just want to focus on what Jay has and I'm just there to support him.
36:27
And I realized as much as that was true and I did want to do that, it was probably a big um covering for me not wanting to actually figure out what I wanted to do because everything just felt so scary to start something.
36:41
Um and yeah, it just kind of stripped all of that away where I I was like, "No, I have to fill my days with something that feels meaningful and and figure out what that is to me and how that looks to me."
36:51
And so I just started and yeah, I definitely tried so many different ways and different things whether it was like I made a did a website during that time and you know, it's not the best website, but it's like the website that I started off with and I put so much effort into it.
37:07
I did like 100 recipes within what, a couple of months because I really focused on it and and it just showed me because I was such a person that I would start something and as soon as it felt a little bit overwhelming or even felt like it was getting good or succeeding in some way, I'd be like, "Oh my gosh, that means I have to take another step forward and I'm not sure I want to do that.
37:26
Okay, let's just start shut it down and go somewhere else and do something else."
37:30
And I and I I realized that pattern that I had and so I was really determined to not do that with this because it I almost like get in my own way of being a failure in my mind being a failure because I choose to not take the next step, not because anything else comes in my way, but because the fear of the next step would always scare me, scare me enough to not want to take it.
37:51
And so it was really amazing actually.
37:53
I was like just looking at myself from an like outside perspective and I was like, "Oh my gosh, I never ever thought she could do this."
37:58
Like I never thought I could do that.
38:00
I never thought I would actually still be making recipes.
38:03
I thought it was like something I'd do for a month and then get bored and be like, "Eh, can't be bothered to to keep adding onto this website anymore."
38:10
But um yeah, and then and then I did my decided to try my YouTube thing which oh my gosh took so long to actually start because of fear again pushing me away from it, but I just I mean, you've always been so amazing and supportive in that constantly like you see everything happening for me before I even dream about it.
38:28
And I think it's just been so nice because whenever I've had doubts, you've been so amazing at helping me through them practically where it's either it's in like a supportive way of just love, but a lot of the time it's really taking the time to have the conversations with me and I avoid the conversations and you're like, "Okay, what do you need to do next?
38:46
Like what is it that I'm like, I don't want to talk about it right now.
38:49
I haven't figured it out and I just don't want to speak about it, but you constantly would help like push me through because you saw that it was coming from a place of fear, not because I actually didn't want to.
38:58
And I think that's really important, too.
38:59
It's like I know with a lot of your stuff like 99% of the time you don't necessarily need to speak to me about it, but there are certain times that you do want to discuss things and vice versa like I obviously like this I obviously need um you to input in a lot more of my stuff because I feel like you've done a lot of the things that I've done and I really appreciate your advice for it.
39:18
Um but I think there is so much of the support being in so many different ways throughout the times that I needed it and um yeah, I just I to be honest, I don't know how I did how I got here, but I'm really happy that I did it.
39:31
I'm so happy because I never expected myself to be able to do that ever.
39:35
And I I just genuinely feel for any everybody else that's listening to this that I was like that's where my spontaneity that can be a strength and ended up being something that was such a weakness for me in the areas where I wanted to commit to something.
39:49
And um yeah, I just I honest and I'm not just saying this genuinely if I can do it, ask my mom.
39:55
She will tell you if I can do it, I 100% know that other people can.
40:00
Whatever it is that you love doing, just try it out.
40:02
And um yeah, if I can do it, oh my gosh, you all can definitely do it. Yeah. But enough about me.
40:11
What I genuinely love about the way you're doing it though is that even though you have become more organized and disciplined and focused to figure this out.
40:18
You haven't lost who you are. Yeah.
40:21
And I think that's the hardest part.
40:22
And I love seeing that in you.
40:23
Like each and every video, the amount of effort you put in, I know the amount of effort that goes behind the scenes when you're about to launch a video, and like your nerves and your excitement.
40:32
And you just want to make everything so wonderful for everyone. And I love that.
40:39
I love that even though you've become organized and focused and disciplined and all those things that you've had to learn, that you haven't lost yourself in it.
40:46
Because I think that's possible, too.
40:48
So, I I love watching it, and it makes me really happy.
40:50
And And what you were just saying at the end, you know, there's there's an old relationship rule of like don't keep the score.
40:58
And it's been said for many, many years of like don't keep score in a relationship.
41:03
But often score feels like, "Oh, I did this favor.
41:05
What did someone else do?"
41:07
And what I've realized is that score should not be kept energetically.
41:09
And so, what I mean by that is I really feel that you carry the relationship sometimes emotionally. Mhm.
41:22
And so, I may be carrying it mentally, but you're carrying it emotionally.
41:24
And so, if you're only looking at the mental score, Right.
41:29
I'll be going like, "Oh, well, I'm doing everything.
41:30
Why are you not doing anything mentally?
41:32
Like, you're not planning.
41:33
You're not setting goals. You're not doing this."
41:36
But that's because I'm only measuring it on my scorecard. Mhm.
41:39
And I think it's so important to be like, "Well, there are so many different scorecards.
41:43
There's physical, financial, mental, emotional, spiritual."
41:45
There are five scorecards.
41:47
First of all, there shouldn't be a scorecard.
41:51
But like But I'm saying there's five types of offering in a relationship, and you're only ever looking at the one you give.
41:57
But it's also useful to think of it in that way.
41:58
Like, you're saying there's not scorecards, but I think it's useful because I think naturally we all have tendencies to want to be the hero, or like want to be the person that like, "Oh, but I've done this, and I've done that."
42:10
And so, actually looking at it in that way allows you to see where your strength is in your score card, but then realize hopefully where the other person is also contributing.
42:20
Um but yeah, that's so that's really well good way of putting it.
42:22
I've never thought of it in that way. Yeah, no.
42:24
I've thought about that so many times.
42:25
I think whenever I've been in that position of like, "Oh, I'm doing so much for this relationship."
42:28
And and and I do There are times when I feel like that.
42:32
I'm like, "Oh, I'm doing this."
42:33
And and then you just stop and you're like, "That's just stupid."
42:36
Because there are so many levels you carry in the relationship on. Totally.
42:41
And and I encourage everyone to do that with their partner is just really look at like, "Where are you carrying the relationship?
42:47
And where are they carrying the relationship?"
42:48
And I promise you that someone in your relationship is carrying something. Yeah.
42:53
And if they're not carrying anything, then sure, that's that's not a great relationship.
42:57
But I think there are so many relationships where we miss what someone's doing.
43:02
that really stops you from and actually having I didn't think of it in that way, but whenever I do think about when I'm irritated at something or when I feel that way, thinking about it in your way, and sometimes I have thought about it in that way, it makes you really not be selfish.
43:16
Like it makes you A lot of the times if you feel that way, you can end up stopping yourself from continue continuing to do that or continuing to be the person carrying this section.
43:26
But I think when you think of it as these other four areas that could the other person may be helping in or carrying, it stops you from limiting yourself in what you can give and and realizing that actually I could be giving everything in this category, and that's okay because he's giving everything in this category, and I don't want that category, so I'm good for him to to handle that.
43:45
Um and so yeah, I think like when that just reminds me of all the the stuff I always get like even when I put up cooking stuff or I'll get DMs being like, "You know, does Jay ever cook for you?"
43:56
And "Does Jay do this for you?" And I'm like, "No."
43:59
And it doesn't irritate me at all because I don't like doing finance stuff.
44:02
Like it may be such a cliché of like how, you know, I like being in the kitchen, but it's out of choice.
44:08
Like I love being in the kitchen you're a woman.
44:11
It's not because I'm a woman. That's what I mean. as as a human being.
44:14
like sometimes when you There's sometimes remember when like some days I'll be like um someone was you'll be like oh, someone's come to our house and you're like yeah, this is her work area and some people don't even know what I'm doing and I'm like and we both laugh about it.
44:26
I always show people my office, which is where we are now. Yeah.
44:29
And then when we get in the kitchen, I would say then this is Rali's office and I don't mean it in a condescending or sexist way at all.
44:34
It's actually her office. Yeah.
44:37
Like that's where you experiment and that's where you create recipes and yeah.
44:41
But but yeah, I just think it's it's really it's really important that because I do still always get people but like does it is it doesn't annoy you that he doesn't cook?
44:48
Doesn't it annoy you that he doesn't even want to try or make you a meal?
44:50
And I'm like no, because I really don't want to learn about this that he does and he manages and I think it's so important because you can get so wrapped up in what other people do for each other in relationships um and what other people are carrying for each other in relationships and you see this one aspect of it and you're like oh well, why doesn't he carry that for me?
45:07
And why doesn't she carry that for me or do that for me?
45:11
And and I think it's so important because it can really yeah, stop you from giving as much as you should be or want to be giving in a relationship because you're putting up your own barriers and telling yourself that you shouldn't because he's not giving enough. Exactly.
45:23
All right, couple more questions. Go on then. Uh this is a good one.
45:28
When are you most scared to be vulnerable with your partner?
45:34
When are you most scared to be vulnerable?
45:38
Like when are you scared of like being really honest and open? I'm thinking. Go on.
45:47
Sometimes when um you know, like if I'm supposed if like you've already given me advice on something and then like I'm kind of asking for like again and I'm like really confused about something again and you're really nice about it,
45:57
but sometimes I feel like it's you know, when I know you're going to tell me something that I don't necessarily want to hear because you've already told me before and I don't necessarily want you to give me the answer cuz I know you're right. That
46:06
That makes me really annoyed.
46:11
So sometimes I don't feel like being vulnerable about how I'm feeling because I know the answer you're going to give and that I don't want to hear it.
46:19
I've So what do I need to be to help you be more vulnerable?
46:23
No, I think it's more me. No, seriously.
46:26
No, no, I think it's it is this is a very much so just me.
46:31
I I think just wanting to be stubborn and not wanting you to be right.
46:33
That's like a recurring theme in this podcast right now. I'm not stubborn.
46:40
I'm not allowed to say it. That's the thing.
46:41
That's the rule I've learned. say it. Say it.
46:42
I'm not allowed to say Radi's reflected.
46:44
That's when I feel most vulnerable.
46:46
It's like I'm not allowed to repeat something she said that makes me look good.
46:50
I'm like, "Yeah, I should really tidy up after myself or whatever."
46:53
He's like, "Yeah, yeah, we should have learned."
46:55
You know you're not allowed to tell me that.
46:56
You're not allowed to tell me that I should tidy up.
46:57
I'll tell myself if I want to tidy up.
46:59
I'll tell myself if I'm okay.
47:01
I I feel most I'm trying to think.
47:01
I I think the time I feel most vulnerable is like when I've spent a lot of money on something. I feel like that's it.
47:09
But I'm trying to think of it like Oh yeah, like when you tell me not to Oh yeah, make sure you just park properly and don't ruin the rims.
47:17
I'm like, "If I want to ruin the rims, I'll ruin the rims, okay?"
47:20
No, that No, but I don't feel vulnerable. I say that to you.
47:22
I'm trying to think of some When am I scared of being vulnerable with you?
47:27
When am I scared of being vulnerable with you?
47:28
Wait, not in the money thing.
47:31
No, like if I've just bought like a really expensive suit or something. to tell me.
47:35
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
47:35
Yeah, so if I've just bought an expensive suit for like an award ceremony or like Cuz he knows he's got a good UI. Yeah.
47:42
So I get scared of being like, "Yeah, this is how much the suit costs."
47:45
because I'm wearing it to work. do I always say?
47:46
I'm like, "That's okay, it's for your work." Yeah.
47:48
Every time Every time in my mind it.
47:51
I always I'm like, "It's for your work. It's fine."
47:54
No, you're nice about it.
47:54
I think I think it's a silly thing just because of upbringing and raising and stuff. It's not you. It's not you at all. You never stop me.
48:04
Um and then I'm trying to think what I'm trying to think of something more more deep cuz that was a fun one.
48:07
I'm just With your health like sometimes with health stuff. You know why?
48:10
Because sometimes like because I'm cooking for him, I take things quite personally.
48:14
And so sometimes if he you try so hard. No, I know.
48:17
I know, but as in that's not But I feel like sometimes from you, I feel you get a little bit worried about saying if something has upset your stomach or if something hasn't made you feel right.
48:31
Whenever you have been any ups and downs with your health or whenever I've given you something and I've suggested something and it hasn't worked.
48:37
And I'm like, "But why isn't it worked?"
48:38
Like I just don't understand and I think it makes you vulnerable and I get quite defensive. No, no, no.
48:40
I don't think so, but you're trying so like I I don't think you get defensive.
48:45
I think you try really hard and so it's hard for you because you're trying to figure out so many ways to support me or help me. Yeah, yeah.
48:51
And you don't want to you don't want it to go wrong.
48:53
And this is where it always comes back down to.
48:56
It's like when you trust the person loves you, you know that someone even being defensive is out of love in that scenario.
49:04
I don't I think that comes from the fact that you're trying so hard.
49:06
Yeah, yeah, maybe because I'm just like, "Oh, what?"
49:10
And it's hard when you're not in control of something and you're trying to be in control of it.
49:14
But yeah, I feel like that's when I know is you're you I'll always scared to be vulnerable because you want to tell me, but you also don't want to upset me or or like That's a good answer. Yeah.
49:24
Yeah, that's a good answer.
49:24
I don't Yeah, I I never want you to feel like you're trying really hard and it's not working or something because I don't think that's fair because it's not necessarily your responsibility.
49:34
Or or like when you want to play PlayStation and you pretend like it's like a work meeting with your partner and really and really you just want to play PlayStation together, but you're like, "It's for work." And I'm like, "Mhm.
49:48
Yeah, it's just cuz you want to play."
49:51
Okay, you're giving way too many.
49:52
Well, that's what else am I giving up?
49:55
Okay, so we're on to the final two segments, which is fill in the blank and final five.
49:59
Fill in the blank and final five.
50:01
Yeah, so fill in the blank is you fill in the blank at the end of the sentence.
50:04
We're both going to say, all right? Yeah. Okay, are you ready? I'm ready.
50:05
I feel most supported by my partner when I feel like we did this last time.
50:13
Yeah, but not the same question.
50:15
I feel most supported by my partner when he brings me snacks when I don't even ask for them.
50:21
That never happens to me.
50:23
THAT'S WHY I JUST DON'T FEEL it right now.
50:26
No, I feel most That's my answer. You go.
50:29
I feel most supported by my partner when I bring you cut up fruit.
50:34
No, I mean that's a fun one, yeah, but when his fruit cut up when he's eating it, like a little baby, because his mom used to do it for him when he was younger.
50:43
And when he goes back every single time, his mom cuts his fruit up into a little bowl, and um he has a little assortment of fruit bowl every day.
50:49
He's like, "You know I really love it when my fruit's cut up."
50:53
So, um that's what I've been doing, cutting up fruit midday, halfway through my work day.
50:58
I haven't had it today, to be honest.
50:59
Sitting there cutting up fruit for this king over here.
51:06
Cut up fruit makes him makes him feel supported feel supported.
51:11
My my honest answer was going to be when my partner's present with me, like when I feel like you're really fully present. Okay.
51:18
I'm cutting up fruit, too.
51:21
Commitment means Are you really crying? I'm not crying.
51:26
You put me in the Not crying. Jay Shetty exposed.
51:30
Commitment means Commitment means Commitment means Commitment means Like showing up in different ways for one another when the time is right. Mhm. That's a nice thing.
51:48
Knowing knowing when it's your time to show up and knowing when it's their time to show up. Yeah.
51:53
And commitment means mutual love, boundaries, agreements, connection.
52:00
Like when it's mutually created.
52:04
Like you create a plan together, you create boundaries together, you create expectations together.
52:08
That's what commitment means and then you honor those. Totally.
52:13
Conflict can bring Conflict can bring Well, let's just say I box, so conflict can bring a few I'm joking. I don't do that to him.
52:28
Um conflict can bring deeper love.
52:34
I was going to say something like that. No, you weren't. I was. No, you weren't. You chose boxing.
52:38
Conflict can bring boxing.
52:38
Conflict can bring really good like make up meals.
52:47
Like whenever we make up we can be like, "Oh, let's go get some like Cocobella Creamery ice cream."
52:51
Is that really what happens?
52:52
That's why we haven't had it for so long cuz we haven't had to make up.
52:55
really had many fights lately. Let's pick one now. I've got plenty to say.
52:59
that we can So then we can have Cocobella. Final five.
53:03
So these are one word or one sentence answers.
53:06
Yeah, stop giving such long answers. Okay.
53:11
What's one thing you recently discovered about yourself that surprised you?
53:13
That I can commit to things and just maintain it.
53:18
I always knew this, but I guess I forgot it.
53:20
I love exercising with sport.
53:23
I just need to play more sport.
53:23
I need to stop forcing myself to that. Lovely. Okay.
53:28
What about our relationship makes you feel powerful?
53:33
We're both on the same page like a lot of the time.
53:36
I'm like, "Oh, I like this."
53:36
And you're like, "Oh, me too." I'm like, "Oh, okay."
53:38
Like even if small or big things, like we are very much so on the same page.
53:43
And even if we're not, we're both kind of okay with coming to an agreement that we both like that's mine. Cool.
53:50
My answer is you you you always trust me when the chips are down.
53:52
What was the question again?
53:55
Like what make what in our relationship makes you feel powerful? Yeah, I got you.
53:58
So for me I I what makes me feel powerful is you trust you trust me even when things are not working out Yeah. externally.
54:03
I I that makes me feel really confident and stuff. I'm glad. Okay. Just don't use my chips. Use your own.
54:15
What do you think our relationship will be like by our 50th anniversary? Oh lord. I didn't choose this.
54:20
What do I think our relationship question is how will we celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary?
54:27
Um my mind always goes to with my family, with our family.
54:32
We'd have a really nice 50th celebration with the whole family all together. On holiday somewhere. Sounds great. Just letting you know. That's my answer. Sounds great.
54:42
His would be like, just us two on a beach with a tennis court No. and cutthroat. I've not had it today.
54:54
All right, two last questions.
54:54
What about your partner have you grown to love that you initially disliked?
55:02
I can't think of anything. Good. You go first.
55:04
No, I can't think of many things I dislike.
55:06
I'm just trying to think of what I what I now like about you.
55:06
I think it was your like I think I've just realized that I think it was what I said earlier, like your lack of organization or whatever.
55:16
Like I initially that really irked me and then now I'm just like but that's what lets you be spontaneous.
55:20
Like that's what lets your ever freshness come out.
55:24
And if you became all of that thing, then you can't, you know, not saying that you can't be organized.
55:28
Like you are organized now and you have become, but I mean if you became a an organizational rigid beast, then you lose that. Yeah. lose part of that, so.
55:37
Um I think mine for you is probably just like your general way of thinking was not something that I was used to. That's true. That's a good one.
55:45
That's a really good one.
55:46
Whether it was the quality versus quantity amount of time cuz I was not used to that, whether it was um yeah, your just general way of thinking where I used to be like, "Oh well, maybe I don't want to do that."
55:55
But then I realized actually it's a really good way of thinking and um even though it used to like scare me to think like that cuz I felt like I was getting rid of a lot of my old like habits and ways of thinking.
56:06
Now I've actually become quite fond of it. Okay. Next. I love that.
56:10
Okay, fifth and final question of the whole interview.
56:13
What's the funniest thing that's happened to both of you?
56:18
The funniest thing that's ever happened to both of us?
56:21
I was going to say I was going to say that Go on.
56:22
What were you going to say?
56:26
weeks or months ago someone put us up on this Instagram page called sibling revelry and what this page does is that it puts up pictures of siblings or couples and asks people to guess whether they're siblings or or couples.
56:44
And so they posted a picture of us and I think 60% said siblings and 40% said couple, probably 40% who know who we are.
56:51
And it's really funny because all the awkward pictures on that page are siblings. are siblings. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
56:55
So it's yeah, that's probably one of the funniest things that's ever happened.
57:00
That was a good good laugh, that was. Good laugh.
57:02
Um I can think of another one, too. Go on.
57:06
I remember when we were traveling to someone's birthday or something when we first started dating and we got lost in the middle of I was going to say. really?
57:12
That's literally where I went back to.
57:13
No, my I was thinking of when we were um Oh yeah, that's where it was.
57:18
We were going somewhere and it was a countryside and then somehow we remember we drove into like a barn or like field area and I was so scared and that was the first time that I was in a very scary situation with you and it was the the time I realized like how you will always be and always have been since the like calm my dad has always been this person for me.
57:36
So, it was so cool because you literally took on that role of like you were so calm.
57:39
You're so calm even even when you're scared.
57:41
Like even when I was like even if my dad was so scared, he would never ever show he was scared and he'd always have me.
57:48
Like I would never feel scared because he was never scared.
57:51
And you literally had I got a glimpse of that with you and I was like, "Oh my gosh." I was so scared. I was so scared.
57:58
but you did so good that day.
57:58
So, yeah, that was funny and funny now, not funny then. Yeah. Yeah. And that's it, everyone. Quick five. Done. Final five. Final five.
58:10
As always Thank you all so much.
58:11
Thanks so much for all the amazing questions. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching.
58:16
Uh make sure you go and subscribe to Radhi's YouTube channel. Follow her on Instagram.
58:21
so I can bug you and love you.
58:21
Yeah, go and check out all her new videos.
58:23
She's posting every single week and they're the most fun.
58:28
She's my favorite YouTuber.
58:29
Turn the little notifications on.
58:32
And Radhi, thank you for always being our annual special guest.
58:34
Next time I think I expect some sort of a prize. Okay. Or a gift. Cool. Or a trophy. Okay. Or snacks. Okay.
58:46
I'll take one of one of the above. Okay. Um but yes, thank you.
58:48
It was so wonderful and I really thought the questions were great.
58:51
Yeah, I really enjoyed this one.
58:53
I think we went really deep with we talked about doubts, we talked about insecurities, vulnerability.
59:00
All right, that's it, guys. Thank you for listening. Thank you very much. See you soon.
59:02
Next time on Jay Shetty on Purpose podcast. No, really, that's it. Is that your mic drop? Yeah, you can drop it. Don't.
59:20
If you want even more videos just like this one, make sure you subscribe and click on the boxes over here.
59:25
I'm also excited to let you know that you can now get my book Think Like a Monk from thinklikeamonkbook. com.
59:34
Check below in the description to make sure you order today.