yeah I think back to that first conversation we had and attend and you know trying to find an environment that way you felt protected and supported that you had a family that you could actually rely on because you'd been through these kind of ups and downs early on in life and so you're dealing with this kind of strange subliminal and
at times very obvious judgment from your peers on these torts and in this environment mm-hmm and so you're looking left and right to your team and one by one they're picking off as well not to take you there but it's important to document it because I think that you know you really have been a instrumental
influence and helping to break this this this kind of toxic principle of not supporting strong female voices in the arts in particular yeah was the lowest point when when Jeremy left was that that was at the moment when it was like I don't know what to do now yeah I quit the band because I was like I can't well
two things when Josh and Zach quit it we had already not been good for so long that I think Taylor and Jeremy and I knew it was gonna happen and we and we kind of respected it like we had had enough conversations it was like yeah this is the right thing for them to do what happened afterwards was just to me was just immaturity and sensationalism
you know and probably a lot of like people trying to cover their own ass financially but like uh and I wonder sometimes like was that all something that Josh really thought was the right thing to do or was that legal advice or what like remembering that we were kids is very important for me in that healing process you know because we didn't know
what we were doing but when Jeremy left we were a little bit older we had experienced more success which made everything feel even more twisted and he had had a child and I wanted to be part of that you know I just felt like this was it like we were all family and when it fell apart again it was kind of like
well what do I have to live for like I don't and I certainly don't want another press release coming out and then to hear what people are gonna have to say about me cuz they're gonna think it's my fault yet again and I just didn't want to deal with it so my way of dealing with things at that time was to I'm out run yeah
that was well that was the lowest point and Taylor and I spent I'm so grateful for that time and Taylor's patience with me if he would sit with me at a coffee shop or we'd go to lunch and just talk about it or talk around it he never forced me back he never there was a moment right that was the moment when
Josh walked in and you inhale it was sitting in the cafe yes ma'am here's the thing you you mentioned this really subtly in the after laughter interview I remember it never really landed because I didn't know the full story so I was just like oh you hung out with Josh great let's move on to the album song
Humber right you know now now I truly understand that their relevance of that moment because of the the timing of it the way life works right like that was when it was all going down right yeah for sure I mean we he obviously Josh would not have known what we were wrestling with because it was very private at the time and I had only just
moved back to Franklin like a few months prior to that here I was like thinking I'm gonna get married band's gonna make another record it's gonna be great we just want a Grammy and then life like every part of it fell apart every layer was just crumbling and within how long from that idyllic realization that I won
I did it I run I outran my shame and now I marry successful and I'm good to go and I guess you're in California at this point how long between men and moving back to Franklin was it what was the time frame three months Oh oh my god yeah you're lucky because people go on for decades yeah yeah it's all good and then it
falls apart thank you oh thank god because I I don't want to know who I'd be if I hadn't already learned some of these lessons I'm sure there's like far more lessons to go but these ones were really really crucial to me just I don't know like handling a lot of and and also like getting closer with people who
actually are really truly in my life forever my family even like I wasn't even as close with my family as I am today before I got married is that because ultimately they recognize the mistake that you were making but didn't have the heart to tell you yeah yeah and in some cases they tried to tell me but you know cuz there
was a lot of hurts there was a lot of stuff that that should have pointed me to the right direction but I I thought I'm gonna show all of you who couldn't stay married I'm gonna show you guys how you can man up and own it and at that point marriage becomes an idea it becomes an idea and it doesn't become an experience or a feeling or an emotion
it's just a concept yeah and it's also it truly is a choice an active choice and I don't even mean just marriage but like but but like the partnership piece it's such a choice it's such a you have to dig in in it and it's painful I think maybe more times than not and then you get to the redeeming part so it's like
oh that's why I've gone through this and I am like yes right I'm holding out because I know like look I I've been jaded long enough and and I had my fun with it in public very much just being jaded about you know being single or or feelings about love or men or whatever and it's funny like look I can find my identity there sure I can be
comfortable in that Shore I was raised by a single mother I'm fine in that arena but yeah I think the truth is I want more than that I want more than than what I tried to settle for in which I was essentially just doing it for a broken part of myself I wasn't doing it to learn I wasn't doing it to grow I was
just trying to cover up something well if the you know if the shoe fits right if that's the reality that you think your life is then rather than do at that point you just inevitably decide that I may as well wear the jacket I may as well right I may as well be that person who's out there like you know singing those songs
telling those stories and being that person for those people right I've done that for so long and it's not to say that art that we've made was not genuine everything we ever did I really was that was my most evolved self at the time you know that was me trying as hard as I could to get to the good stuff to get to
the bottom of what I was feeling but you know hey I do think some of it comes with age I think I you know I I couldn't have said some of this stuff before because I just didn't have access to it and therefore the choices that I have made up until now not all of those were really well considered choices they were
fly by the seat of my pants like what feels what's gonna soothe me today right now and that doesn't help you grow got to grow and live your life yeah it's a crazy unique thing and it really is the long road of the artist mmm to find a way to tell their truth because it only really makes sense at key points along the way like with yes
durable time in between that you can sit here now having finished pedals for AMA and say okay it's okay that I said those things mm-hmm could you have said what you've said in the last third of this record before you wrote summer even like even when you wrote see it right exactly so the timeframe between being able to
write these these songs and start the song is really the duration of their of the album that's it yeah I'm giving my editor a continuity nightmare by the way because every time they cut back I've been watching these things because the face time there's no three cameras every time like this and then the next day
there's like this and next year's like this and this is like this I'm just literally like seven different looks so if you have this for your continuity I I am I couldn't have written I couldn't have written any of the and like it all happened in a very similar timeframe to where how we're releasing it
so part one a lot of it was written in the Bleak winter and pure love which is the first like the opening track of part three which now everyone will have the whole album pure love was written in May and you know like the record comes out in May and it's just so hot how it stand out because I do think that the stretch
of time that it took to get from rage to pure love or crystal clear was was us like a five or six month process of beating it out of myself like really like yeah I felt like hammering Steel's or something to write a song like pure love to write a song like crystal clear a song like taken this is like one two
three four five songs that really you've written about the you know a new idea of what love can mean that isn't so is it so centered in the past and is it so centered in it's like it's it's coming out with a clear vision mmm is it hopeful is it what are you drawing upon to get to this place where you're writing these unbridled missives about
love and what it means to you well I'm trying to do it I'm trying to not base all my movements in fear trying to not project my own past on to my potential future or on to anyone else like I'm I'm trying to respect where I came from but like not be there anymore and it's hard to do like one day you feel like you're
fine and you're you're moving through you you know maybe I'm in therapy and I'm like talking about the month that I decided to get a divorce and how hard that was and you know or unfaithfulness and feeling betrayed and how am I ever gonna trust someone again you know when they leave for a little while cuz all my issues go back to abandonment
you know and divorce or you know it's like you know when you play games with babies and you do this then you go people you know like you you teach them that you're still they're even when they can't see your eyes like that's the whole basis of that game is essentially to give them security in the playfulness of your
relationship but when you experience something as hard to understand as a divorce at such a young age like that just goes into every fiber of your being and it sends off these alarms that say when someone walks out the door they never come back and I have to I have to take responsibility for what I do with those feelings you