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The first lesson of trauma is that it always leaves a mark.
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Even if you can't see it.
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If you've ever asked yourself, "Why do I react like this?
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Why does this sadness feel deeper than it should?
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Why do I carry a pain I can't explain?"
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Then this episode is for you.
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70% of adults in the US have experienced at least one traumatic event in their lives.
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But trauma isn't always loud.
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Sometimes it looks like overachieving, people-pleasing, or even emotional shutdown.
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61% of patients with first-episode depression and 51% with recurring depression reported childhood or recent trauma.
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But here's the good news.
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You can literally rewire your body's relationship to the trauma it carries.
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So today, we go deeper to understand what trauma really is, how it hides, and what it takes to finally heal.
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You're going to hear from Dr.
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Gabor Maté on the emotional cost of hiding who you are, John Legend on grieving without closure, Oprah Winfrey and Dr.
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Perry on the power of rethinking trauma, and Anita on inherited wounds and generational fear. Here's the lesson. You're not broken.
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You're carrying something that was never meant to be yours to begin with. Let's get into it.
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The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty.
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The one, the only, Jay Dr.
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Gabor Maté delivers a powerful truth.
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When you hide who you really are to survive your childhood, that survival can turn into lifelong trauma.
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That suppression can show up later as anxiety, chronic illness, or disconnection in your relationships.
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For example, nearly 80% of autoimmune patients report a significant emotional stressor before onset.
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Studies show that burying our emotions early on can increase our chances of developing depression or addictive behaviors in adulthood.
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The good news is that suppression doesn't have to be permanent.
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Healing isn't about changing who you are.
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It's about coming back to the parts of yourself you had to leave behind.
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I often say to people, "You're going to have pain one way or the other." Yes.
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"Which pain would you like?" Mhm. Mhm.
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Cuz sometimes in life there's no pain-free options. Mhm.
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You can have the pain of suppressing yourself >> Mhm.
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for the sake of being accepted, or you can have the pain sometimes of being yourself and not being accepted. >> Mhm.
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You can have pain one way or the other. Mhm.
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And I have my own bias that the pain of not being ourselves ultimately is by far the greater and the more chronic pain. Mhm.
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And that the pain, the short-term pain of being ourselves, brings liberation Mhm.
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>> and genuine independence, which means I can have genuinely independent relationships with other people who are willing to accept me as independent. Mhm.
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You know, but in the short term, which pain do you want? Mhm.
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Not there's no pain-free option. You know? >> Yeah, for sure.
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That you reminded me of this beautiful idea that Thich Nhat Hanh shares that there's familiar pain and unfamiliar pain. >> Mhm.
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And these are our two choices.
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And the challenge is we're so scared of unfamiliar pain >> Yeah.
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that we would rather choose familiar pain >> Yeah.
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and go through the same pain because we know how it's going to feel. Exactly.
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>> And we think, "Oh, at least I'm aware.
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At least I I'm conscious of how bad it can get." Exactly.
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But hearing you speak, being independent or being dependent both has pain. Yeah.
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And but the pain of dependence far outweighs the pain of independence.
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>> Well, let's put a bit of a nuance in there.
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Ultimate I mean I mean Thich Nhat Hanh also talked about interbeing. Mhm. How we all inter are. Mhm.
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So in a certain sense, we do depend on each other, you know, and and that's okay.
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The question is do we depend on any each other authentically or inauthentically?
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The fact that I'm independent doesn't mean that I'm not going to reach out for help Mhm.
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or that I won't offer it. Mhm.
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But it does mean that I will be honest with you and I won't pretend to be somebody else that I'm not so that you'll accept me. Mhm.
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You know, so there's an interesting word difference between two phrases that sound very familiar.
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One is called individualism.
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The other is called individuation. Mhm.
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Now, rugged individualism is I don't need anybody and I you know, it's me against the world and this is the North American capitalist ideal, you know?
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Well, human beings never would have evolved had we been those rugged individualists. Mhm.
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The rugged individualist wouldn't last more than one generation. Mhm.
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But individuated means that we can be ourselves, truly ourselves, in genuine relationship with others. >> Mhm.
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Not rugged individualists. >> Mhm.
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I I mean, the most boring people are rugged individualists cuz they all look the same, you know?
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So so you can be um individuated and be truly yourselves >> Mhm.
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and still belong and still vulnerably Mhm. desire human contact. >> Mhm. You know?
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Yeah, I I couldn't agree more.
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I think there's a lot of rhetoric around, "Well, don't care what anyone else thinks and it doesn't matter and you just do your own thing."
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And it's almost that's almost a bitter response as well because we do have to care what people think.
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If we lived in a world where you didn't care what anyone thought, >> Yeah.
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it wouldn't be that healthy because we would do all sorts of obscene, horrific things.
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I'd phrase it differently. >> I'm intrigued. Yeah, I'm intrigued. Yeah.
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I don't care what anybody thinks.
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But I do care what I do and how it affects other people. Mhm.
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You know, so there's another uh spiritual teacher, Gunaratana.
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He wrote a book called uh Mindfulness in Plain English, Mhm.
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which I've just been working through recently and um he's talking about a higher morality that comes from being truly yourselves and in touch.
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And he says, "Well, you don't need rules anymore because it's like St.
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Augustine said, uh love and do what you will." Mhm.
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So if you actually love the world, you don't have to give yourself rules because that love will dictate Mhm.
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how you act towards other people.
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I can't worry about what other people think.
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Look, if I worried about what other people think, I would not have written any of my books cuz each of my books challenged the the reigning orthodoxy in in say medicine, you know, or whether it's surrender tension that I've said or stress and disease or addictions.
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Every time I write a book, I'm saying something that I'm not saying that I invented it, but that I I've come to understand and fervently Mhm.
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believe and want to communicate.
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But I can't worry about what other people think. Mhm.
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Or when I make a political statement, I'm responsible for what I say, how I say it, but not what other people think about it.
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But I But that doesn't mean that I can that I can ignore other people's experience. Mhm.
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So as long as my intention is purely to speak a truth and I do so with integrity, I can't worry about what other people think. I I I can't. >> Yeah.
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But that doesn't mean I'm going to go around just doing terrible things cuz I don't care what what you think.
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As As long as I'm convinced that what I do and if I if I've done that kind of inventory, >> Mhm.
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and I haven't always, Mhm.
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but if I do an inventory about, well, what is my intention here?
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Is there a hierarchy of pain or hierarchy of trauma?
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What do you mean by hierarchy?
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I feel like people feel like, "Well, this trauma is worse than this trauma and this trauma is better than this one."
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We often hear about that as a conversation. Is that accurate?
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So one could say so uh cuz if you look at a child who's say sexually abused as opposed to a child whose parents just can't honor and accept and and and validate their emotions, well, my god, you're talking about two different set of experiences.
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So that there's certainly horrific things happen to some people to wound them and other people suffer wounds in a very different way.
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But the question is, is it useful to make that distinction?
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It's one thing to recognize it, but let's say let's say you were my 4-year-old.
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You come to me and you say uh "Dad, I'm afraid of so-and-so."
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And I say, "Snap out of it.
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Only cowards are afraid and then get out of here and take care of yourself."
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And then you went to your mom and said, "I tried to talk to Daddy, but you know, would it be helpful for your mother to say, 'Oh, snap out of it.
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Think of all the kids that are being sexually abused.
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Think of all the starving kids.
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Think of all the kids that are being bombed.
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What are you complaining about?'" Would that be helpful? No.
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So that it's not a helpful game to play.
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I don't compare people's traumas.
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Uh trauma simply means a wound and people are wounded in all kinds of ways.
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When I try to help people, the least helpful thing I can do is to tell them that somebody else's trauma is much worse than mine or much worse than yours.
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So, objectively, yes, practically, it's not a helpful distinction. Mhm.
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Uh people are wounded, and you have to tend to the wound, whatever it is.
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You know, if you came to me with a cut on your arm, and you asked me to stitch it up, it wouldn't be helpful for me to tell you that, "Oh, what are you worried about?
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There's people with broken arms out there, or people with broken you know So, no, it's not a helpful thing to engage in, even though there's truth in it. Yeah.
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In this next conversation, John Legend opens up about the intensely personal loss of losing a child, and how he and Chrissy didn't avoid the pain, but rather walked it together.
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One in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage.
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I've had so many friends and family members over the last 12 months tell me about that in their experience.
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Yet, the silence around pregnancy loss can be just as painful as the loss itself.
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John's story is a reminder for us all.
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Grief isn't something that can be solved.
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It just needs to be seen.
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The point isn't to get over it.
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The point is to get through it without losing the love, the honesty, and the connection that makes you whole.
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You mentioned grief in the new uh the song Pieces in the new album.
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There's a There's the beautiful lyric let your broken heart learn to live in pieces.
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And I just I literally just haven't stopped thinking about that because I think that there's so much about us that's constantly trying to get everything to fit. Mhm.
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And even with a heart, we're trying to become whole again.
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Like there's always that concept, but you're like, let your broken heart learn to live in pieces.
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Like where did that come from? Like that idea.
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>> idea of the song is uh we never completely shed or forget this trauma that we may go through in life, this loss, this heartbreak. Like we'll remember it.
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There'll be times when we'll feel those pangs of of memory and that it'll come back.
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Um it doesn't mean you can't heal, it doesn't mean you can't recover, but it does mean that that grief will will still be a part of who you are, a part of your story.
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Effectively recovering from that means not forgetting it, not that it didn't happen, but learning to live with it, and learning to continue uh to live with it, and and and experience life and joy and pain and all the things that come in life afterwards, um continue to like live on. Yeah.
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Um despite the fact that this grief won't ever leave you completely.
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Yeah, it's almost it's almost like we're asking the wrong question.
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We're always like, how do I move on? How do I get over this?
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And you're saying, well >> saying you're going to I'm saying you're going to carry it.
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It's It's It's part of your life now.
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It's part of your story, part of who you are.
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Like I said with Chrissy, like I've seen so much growth through our grief and through our tragedy.
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It's always going to be part of who we are, and I'm fine with that.
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Like it's part of who we are.
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It's we carry it with us, and it and it's okay.
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Yeah, and that And I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm you know, that I mean, I don't think there's pretty much anything harder to go through than than what you went >> Yeah, I've never been through anything harder, but it just means, you know, when you live long enough, you're going to go through something like that.
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And figuring out how to continue to live as you carry that with you Yeah.
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is um is what the song's really about.
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>> Yeah, and often we find that those traumatic and difficult experiences can break people apart, but you you you focus on growing closer together.
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What What do you think is that difference?
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Like you Your values are so clear.
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I can tell in this interview, I'm like, values of children, of family, of love, of kindness, of connection.
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Like how do you in moments like that?
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Is it that your values just drive you forward, or like how do you make sure because I think sometimes people just have experiences that derail their everything else that's going right. Yeah. Yeah.
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And I don't know because like I think part of it is just we are we were already on a great foundation where we really respected and loved and enjoyed being with each other, respected each other's values, and the ways, you know, the things we saw in each other's character that we fell in love with are still there.
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But I think you also have to like commit to working through pain, you know?
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Um and I think we both committed to doing it, like doing the work that we needed to do to get through it. Yeah.
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No, I'm happy to hear that, and you know, my prayers and Thank you.
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>> wishes are with you and the family because >> And I think having already had two kids together was um definitely helpful because they just bring so much joy into our lives and and laughter and fun, and they they're great focus for our energy.
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And so, even when you're going through deep grief of on losing a pregnancy, you still have these two beautiful babies that you love.
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And I think that was certainly helpful.
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Next, we'll hear Oprah and Dr.
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Perry, who challenge what we think trauma should look like.
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You don't need a violent or dramatic event to be traumatized.
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Neglect, lack of validation, or emotional absence can be just as damaging.
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In fact, emotional neglect is one of the most common and overlooked forms of trauma.
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Oprah reframes the question for people exploring their own traumatic history from what's wrong with me to what happened to me.
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That small shift, that one question, can completely transform how we see ourselves and how we heal.
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What do you think was something that you misunderstood or had an incomplete understanding of about trauma that has now become more complete or more deep?
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Oh, what a great question, Jay.
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I thought trauma, prior to my conversations with Bruce in in doing this book, I thought trauma had to be a big gigantic thing, experience.
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You had to go through a tsunami, literally a If not literally a tsunami, a tsunami-like crisis in your life.
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A fire, a hurricane, a tragedy, a car accident, a stabbing, somebody died.
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And it was through co-authoring this book with him that I understood that it was the consistent little things.
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It was the aggressions and microaggressions in a person's life that causes them to have their own worldview.
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Whatever that worldview is for you is different from me.
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So, the biggest the biggest learning for me is that trauma doesn't have to have a great big old capital T on it.
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It's really how you were loved, and that neglect and trauma are hand in hand cuz both are equally as toxic.
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And so, I always, you know, just like you with your, you know, millions of listeners, I over the years of interviewing people, it was my greatest classroom.
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I was always paying attention to what people were saying, and paying attention to their lives.
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And what I understood and could articulate, not through science, but just through my own observation, is that, oh, people are as dysfunctional as unhappy as disoriented in their lives based on how far they are from the center of themselves.
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And the center is where wholeness lies, as you know.
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And so, where there is no where there is no center and there is no sense of wholeness and love for yourself, there's going to be uh disarray, chaos, confusion, and, you know, dysfunction in your life.
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And I saw that over and over and over again, that people behave based on how they were loved, and then how they were able to process that that in a way to love other people.
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And so, Bruce just gave me the science for that.
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What this book did is gave me the science for it. I love that.
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I I I think it's a a brilliant distinction between, you know, what we think is trauma and what what trauma can be for all of us.
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I I have one last question I wanted to ask you before we dive in to the conversation with Dr. Bruce Perry.
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It's this idea that you've interviewed so many influential, successful people, and people of all different backgrounds and walks of life.
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And so often, their success is actually built on their trauma.
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And so, their success doesn't often satisfy them.
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What have you seen has been that transition when they go beyond their success, they heal their trauma to actually find true success for themselves?
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That's deep, layered, complex question.
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So, this is what I This is what There's many layers to that.
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What I What I realize is that if you come into success and fame, and particularly fame, because fame has its own world and definition, because it really is based upon what other people think of you.
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So, fake because fame isn't what you think of yourself, it's what other people think of you.
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Um when you If you come into that, and you don't have a grounded, centered self, you will be controlled by the outside instead of the inside.
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And if you come into that not in the fullness of knowing who you are and what you're supposed to do with that fame, it whenever somebody likes you or doesn't like you, that determines whether or not you're having a good day or a bad day.
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And you are you have lost control of your your own life.
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So, I think what fame teaches you quickly is to grow the wholeness within yourself so that you're not controlled by others outside opinions of you.
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That is a beautiful answer and and I think it will resonate with so many because so many of us are on that journey to you know, be successful or be famous or be rich or whatever it may be, but to hear it from that perspective is is truly refreshing.
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I want to ask you both this first question to start with is why is it so important to make this switch from us thinking what is wrong with you to what happened to you?
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Well, I I let me answer that because I first came across this question of what's happened what what what what what happened to you when I was doing an interview with Dr.
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Bruce Perry a couple of years ago for 60 minutes story I was doing. Now, I've known Dr. Perry for over 30 years.
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I first started interviewing him in the early '90s, late '80s, early '90s on the Oprah show when we were talking about uh raising children and how important it is those first zero to six years.
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So, I've been hearing about what it means to nurture and support the brain early on.
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It wasn't until that conversation a couple of years ago.
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I don't know whether I think it's because of where I was in my life at the time.
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Um I opened a school in South Africa.
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I've had these wonderful brilliant girls who come from traumatic backgrounds grow up and have really serious mental health issues.
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And I was trying to at the time figure out what are we doing wrong at our school.
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Something's really wrong here.
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And in that interview with Dr.
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Perry he said, you know, most people ask the question when kids are not behaving the way you want them to behave of what's wrong with them.
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We really should be asking about what's happened to you.
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And something went aha aha aha in my brain.
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It was like a major moment like I got it in a way that I hadn't received it before.
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And I realized that it's not just for children that you ask that question, but it's really everybody.
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And that moment, Bruce, as I've said to you many times, Dr.
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Perry, changed the way I saw my relationships, how I saw my own life, how I interacted with people, and even in politics where it was so crazy in the past four years, and everybody's always talking about what's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong.
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I would always say, I wonder what happened to that person.
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I wonder what happened to them younger that caused them to be this way.
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So, all of the labels that you just gave, Jay, there there is a world of labels.
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There is, you know, overachiever, there's, you know, obsessive compulsive mom, soccer moms.
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There is the desire to, you know, please people all the time.
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There's a multiple multiple multiple multiple labels that refer back to what happened to us.
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And so, I will just say this, one of the things that Bruce says in the book, each of us comes into the world with our own world view.
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And that world view is actually shaped from the crib.
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And you get from the world what you project into the world, and you project into the world what you were raised with and what you were raised around.
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So, that's why what happened to you is the essential question.
23:48
So beautifully said, and I I wish my brain had aha moments that sound like that, Oprah, too. So. [Laughter] I love that. And Dr.
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Perry, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
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Well, I I come at this from a slightly different perspective because I have a long history of being a history fan and had studied history growing up and was very well aware of the relationship between the things that happened in the past playing a major role in how things were functioning currently.
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And I think that that's I think most people are able to kind of make that connection.
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But as I became a biologist and learned about the development of the human body and the human brain, it became clear that we have our own personal history.
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And that the things that happened in our life shape the systems in our brain that influence how we think about things, how we feel about things, and how we behave.
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And it really it it leads to a completely different approach to getting to know somebody.
24:53
You're you you you enter the interaction with a curious mindset.
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You're curious about like what what's going on?
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I mean, and and it really I think is as Oprah says, it it really opens up this new perspective on understanding a person.
25:09
You can be much more empathic with them as opposed to being so judgmental.
25:15
Yeah, for me that reframing that you both have so beautifully illuminated in this book is is so subtle, but it's so powerful because it removes that judgment, it removes that negative observation, that criticism, that that fear that people feel on the receiving end of that as well.
25:34
To me, just that switch of question is is so powerful.
25:38
And you know, when I when I was diving into the book, there were there were moments where I just I was so grateful to you for what you shared.
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And you know, you open up about a story about how your grandmother used to whip you over the smallest, most insignificant things like spilling a glass of water. And this harsh Mhm. Right, exactly. Breaking a plate.
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And this harsh this harsh behavior was normal for you as a kid.
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And you said something in the book that really stood out to me.
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You said that the long-term impact of being whipped turned you into a world-class people-pleaser for most of your life.
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I want to know, how did you become aware of that connection between that experience as a child and how it was being lived today, and how did that start to help you on your journey? Well, thank you so much.
26:31
I'm so moved that you were touched by that story because I until I was a full-grown adult and I met my best friend Gail.
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Gail is the first black person I ever met who wasn't whipped as a child.
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I mean, she was the first person I ever encountered.
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So, it is a part of the black culture to not just spank your children.
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Uh almost everybody you run into of a certain age was whipped as a child.
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So, that was such the norm for me that writing about it um for the first time is the first time I actually recognized, oh, this is not a normal thing.
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Um so, to really, I was in a boardroom having to confront someone in my 40s and I had so much anxiety about the fact that I was going to have to have this confrontation with somebody.
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In a it just just just the most um normal disagreements would cause me a great sense of angst and worry and oh my god, and what's going to happen.
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And I just said, what where is this coming from?
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What what why am I so afraid when I am the one in the power seat?
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I am Oprah Winfrey running the Harpo Studios, my name spelled backwards.
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I'm the person in charge, and in order to have a disagreement with somebody, I go through so much angst.
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And I realized, Jay, that even though I had the power, I still felt that every confrontation I was going to get a whipping.
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That a whipping was going to result.
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That that thing that that used to come up inside me when I had to walk to get my own switch.
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Oh, where is this feeling coming I'm feeling like in every confrontation I'm going to get a whipping, and at the end of it that person's going to be mad at me, and at the end of it that person's going to say, you better not act like you're mad, you know, all the things that happened to me as a kid.
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So, it wasn't until I was a full-grown adult in my own seat of you know, perceived power feeling those feelings of anxiety and anxiousness having to have the slightest bit of confrontation.
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So, what I say in what happened to me is that being beaten as a child um having to be subservient to other people's ideals of what it means to be a child, meaning you are seen and not heard.
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So, I've grown up to have this big personality, but being raised in an environment where children are seen and not heard, and your opinions do not matter.
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So, what happened to me taught me that my opinions do not matter, keep your opinions to yourself, and do whatever you can to please other people so that other people will like you.
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So, that other people will not be upset with you.
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And I will have to tell you, it is also for for not for everybody else, but for me, one of the reasons why I was so susceptible to sexual abuse.
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Because I had been taught and trained not to speak up for myself, that whatever somebody wanted to do who was older than me or in a position of authority, that they had rights I that I did not.
30:08
So, that what happened to me was ingrained in a way that, you know, literally uh caused me to be a major people pleaser for for a great deal of my life.
30:20
Thank you for sharing that that full journey.
30:22
And just I really gravitate towards that statement you said around how we when we normalize something, we don't actually even recognize the trauma in it.
30:32
Uh we we don't even realize that it's that there's any It was just normal to you. You just expected it.
30:36
Did you know that maternal stress during pregnancy can increase the child's risk of illness by up to 60%.
30:46
In our final conversation, Anita shares how she discovered that her fear of losing everything, despite all her success, was actually inherited from her mother's anxiety and stress during pregnancy.
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With Anita, we see that just because you inherited something, it doesn't mean you have to carry it.
31:06
Healing is about choosing what moves forward with you and what stops with you.
31:10
What what were the biggest traumas that have stayed with you that have come up for you that you feel you've carried because you obviously grew up in the favelas.
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You grew up, you know, not in the easiest of circumstances.
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I think you mentioned yourself that you're almost treated like trash in Brazil, the people in the favelas.
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>> And so, like tell me about what are the traumas you felt you've held on to from your childhood that are now coming up that you're healing now.
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So, there is this one interesting situation in the path of this healing thing.
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There was this one thought that was always coming to my mind, right? I was here being Anita.
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I have three different houses.
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I have everything I need.
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Okay, if I want to retire right now, I can and I will live comfortably for the rest of my life.
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But, all of a sudden, I was just here, minding my business, and a thought would come to my mind.
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What if I get pregnant and I lose all my money and I don't have money to survive and then I need to work in the streets to get food to my babies and to And then I would be like, "Why am I thinking this? Why am I doing that? Why?"
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And then I did the session with um my shaman, and she said, "This is not your thought.
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You got this thought the same way we get DNA from our parents and like the hair, the eyes, the body.
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We can get from thoughts and the energy, behaviors, and we don't realize that."
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So, I told her, "Oh, for real?"
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And then we did a session to clean this, right?
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To remove this from me cuz it's not mine. It comes from my family.
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So, I did the session and I talked to my mom.
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I said, "Mom, have you ever had this thought of like that you were going to lose everything or not going to have money, this and that?"
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And that was like right before my my birthday of 30 years old birthday. So, she said, "Yeah.
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Um when I got pregnant from you, your dad lost his job and I felt like we were not going to have money to feed you guys and I would need to work in in houses as like a housemaid or something to buy food."
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And I was like, "Wow, that makes to And she just spent the whole pregnancy with this fear of not having the money to feed us."
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So, she was fearing it and there is like I I produced a movie with a friend of mine called Me.
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And um it talks about this the the the thoughts the negative thoughts that your mom carries in the pregnancy becomes um neuropeptides in your in your in your brain.
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So, that's why you have these thoughts.
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And I was like, "Wow, Mom."
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And I did the the session with the lady and I got I never had this thought again.
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And then I was doing my birthday.
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It was 30 years old, so special, da da da.
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And I I I had this place that I wanted to do in Brazil and for some reason every place I was trying, it was not available. I was trying everywhere.
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Oh, not available because of this.
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Not available because of that. I closed one place.
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No, not available anymore.
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So, there's this this one place, just this one spot.
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And I said, "Okay, let's go. What can we do? It's the only spot. Let's go let's go."
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So, I sent my dad the invitations, sent to my dad.
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I said, "Oh, Dad, the party this year is going to be here."
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And he was like, "Oh my god, daughter.
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This address is a My dad didn't know about the the talk I had to my mom, nothing, right?
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And he's my best friend, but I I didn't mention him.
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Um he goes, "Oh my god, daughter.
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This address used to be the company's address that I got fired when your mom was pregnant."
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And I was like, "Oh, Dad." Wow.
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>> Like, we're here celebrating my 30 years old with a party like full of everything that we were always afraid of not having That's crazy. >> in the same address. That's crazy.
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Where in life does it That for me was such an answer from the universe, right?
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And I was like, "Wow, this is so meaningful."
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And life is full of these these situations that for me are not coincidence at all.
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Yeah, that's that's incredible. >> It is.
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>> That's really powerful and I love that full circle moment. >> Agree.
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And and and I love I mean, the movie that you made, is that out? Where can we watch that? Me? >> The name is Me.
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My my a friend of mine, the one that introduced me to this shaman, uh she did it and then she called she asked me to help her producing it and um sharing with the platforms and everything.
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So, I was helping her on this final uh touch of the movie.
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And it talks about this, about how you can get heritage from your parents, >> Yes.
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not only in your blood, Yes.
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>> physical, but also mental >> Yes.
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>> and karmas That's brilliant.
36:22
from your mom, from your grandmother, from because it comes from father to daughter, you know?
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And um it's important to clean it, to to work on it because otherwise we're here with no purpose. Mhm.
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We're not we we get we spend all this time here and we don't figure out what's your purpose. What are you here for? You know?
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And I always had in my life this um desire to understand and when I was a kid, I was very like that already.
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I used to dream a lot of about a lot of things.
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My mom tells me that I used to wake up and see people and um I was always very connected.
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I used to tell them everything that was going to happen in my life.
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Yeah, you had visions of her, you said. Everything.
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I used to tell them like, "Oh, I'm I'm going to sing here. I'm going to do this.
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Our house is going to be like this like this."
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I I used to give them details of everything.
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And um my my dad, he was always very stressed with work.
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And he tells me that I used to come to him and say, "Dad, don't worry.
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In the end, everything's going to be great. You will see. You're so smart. You're so cute. You're so nice.
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In the end, you will see you're not going to worry about any of this.
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I'm going to be a singer.
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I'm going to do this and this and that."
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And it's so fun when he tells me because I was actually describing so precisely what precisely what was going to happen. Yeah.
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I mean, you've It sounds like you've made so much spiritual investment in transforming your mind, your heart, your energy, your space.
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And at the same time, you've also made physical changes.
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Like I was learning that you also were on birth control and then you left birth control.
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And I feel like even those types of changes Yes.
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>> were linked to this kind of internal change that was going on, right?
38:19
So many of us carry pain we didn't ask for.
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Grief that feels unresolved, patterns that don't make sense until we look deeper.
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What these conversations show us is that trauma doesn't always look obvious, but it always leaves a mark.
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But here's the good news.
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The moment you begin to understand it, you've already begun to heal.
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The healing begins when we stop blaming ourselves and start reframing to understand it more deeply. What am I carrying? Where did it come from?
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And what would it look like to let it go?
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Whether through self-reflection, therapy, spirituality, or storytelling, every step toward awareness is a step toward freedom.
39:08
Thank you so much for watching.
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I hope you'll subscribe so that you never miss a video and continue your dedication to feeling happier, healthier, and more healed. I'll see you soon.
39:17
If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr.
39:21
Gabor Maté on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional wounds to start moving on from the past.
39:30
Everything in nature grows only where it's vulnerable.
39:31
So, a tree doesn't grow where it's hard and thick, does it?
39:33
It goes where it's soft and green and vulnerable.