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My dad's mentality is if you don't get on stage, if you don't show up to work, all the stuff that could possibly make your life great just disappears.
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No matter what, you show up. Get out there and grind.
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The number one health and wellness podcast. J Shetty. J Shetty.
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The one, the only J Shetty.
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But you know what's funny? What?
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I still remember the flight we were on together and we sat down next to each other and I'm gonna sound like such a douche for saying this, but I have to say you were the nicest person in the world.
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And you were so kind and you were like I can't remember how you started the conversation.
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Maybe you can, but you were like, "I really like your stuff." Yeah.
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I love what you're doing.
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And I was the idiot who's living under a rock. No.
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Who was like, I think I know what you do. It's really cool. Like, but I don't know.
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And then I came back and I told my team I was like I was sitting next to Bert Chryser like you know we're texting he's such a nice guy he was so wonderful and and they were like you met Bert Chryser they were like he's amazing he's funny he's and I was like I'm the idiot who doesn't know and it was just one of those moments where like you were so kind, you were so endearing.
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You were so sweet and and I was really touched by that interaction.
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I never in a million years thought the number one partyier in the world and me would have something in common.
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So, you've got a weird thing that like usually only like Reese Witherspoon or or Jennifer Aniston get where you're strikingly attractive.
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So, so when I sat down next to you, I was like, whose eyes are these?
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And then I was like, wait, I know him.
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I was like, oh [ __ ] Oh [ __ ] This is Jay Shetty.
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I've listened to so many of your interviews. You're so good. You're so good.
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And so, uh, yeah, I was so excited.
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excited. And then I get told by like my I'm friends with a professional wrestler Cody Rhodess and he said you know when I met you I've never seen more of a pro wrestler personality like you you explain yourself within a sentence and then and explain why you should like me and I'm like but it's yeah I I I'm a talker on a plane and you were so funny
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already and I was like oh this guy's hilarious cuz you were like you know what like you you're you're good but I'm a pretty big deal too you know you're crack and I was that doesn't sound like me and I was crack but it was it was endearing like I want to put it out Like I'm not trying to overcompensate, but it wasn't arrogance. It was like I was
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It was like I was laughing with you and it was just so you just broke the ice and I was like, "This guy's amazing." I texted.
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I'm such a I'm such a fan of yours. I really am. Well, now I am too.
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So that's why I wanted you on the show.
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When this opportunity came up, I was like, "But's the best."
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And then I got to watch the special, too.
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And and I was just like, I really wanted to get inside your mind.
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I was like, I really want to know, you know, the person behind the amazing success that you've had and and the and the wonderful, endearing person you sit next to on the plane.
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I was going to ask you, you probably had some crazy plane stories.
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I want to know what's what's the craziest plane story you've ever had, seeing as that's where we met.
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I got a I got a good one. All right.
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Uh I'm going to say real names, too.
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I sat next to a woman, first class, when I was just married with kids.
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Like I had Isa and George, but they were still really young.
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And the woman was coming back from Tibet and she was like had the beads on and henna all over, hot, attractive, probably a little older than me, maybe I'd say 43.
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I was 30, maybe six at the time.
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And we start having drinks and we're talking and then she says, "Uh, what are you doing when you land in LA?"
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I said, "I'm going home."
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She goes, "Don't come to my place. Let's have sex." I said, "What?"
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She goes, "Uh, I've been I had a divorce.
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That's why I went over to Tibet.
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I'm a little lost, but I'm just looking to get and I went, "Okay."
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I said, "Listen, I'm married and so that you got the wrong guy."
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I go, "But I got the right guy for you." She said, "Really?" And I said, "Trust me. Can you just trust me?"
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So, we land and I call Mike Young. He's a real name.
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I go, "Mike, you want to sex tonight?"
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And he was like, "With you?"
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I go, "No, I got a beautiful woman, 43 years old."
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And he goes, "Yeah, give her my number." She gives her number.
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They meet at the comedy store.
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They go back to her place. They have sex.
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They've never talked again.
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And I was like, "Boom, man. Slam dunk." I got great ones.
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I sat next to Ric Flair one time and we both drank identically.
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We both ordered drinks for our wives and ourselves and then drank our wives drinks and then drank our drinks.
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And I was like, "Woo, Ric Flair and I drink alike."
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I had a girl walk me to my room in Soho the other night.
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She was like, "Hey, I'm going to come to your room."
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I was like, and I got her to the door and I said, "Listen, I was really drunk."
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I go, "Listen, it's very sweet of you, but I'm I'm married and I'm happily married and I don't cheat on my wife."
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And she had this weird look on her face and I woke up the next morning. I called my wife.
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I told her I go, "I just I'm such a great guy."
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And then there was a note under my door and it was like, "Bert, I wasn't trying to have sex with you. You were too drunk.
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You couldn't remember what room you were in and you didn't have a key.
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I just wanted to make sure you got home safe."
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I was like, "Oh, I shut down a good Samaritan."
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How did your wife react to stories like that when you're like calling her up?
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I've been doing that our whole marriage.
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Our our marriage is based on fun and laughter.
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I mean, for real, it is probably the funnest it's by far it's the funnest relationship I have in my life. We joke non-stop.
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We're in couples therapy right now.
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And as we walk out, I decide who won or who lost. Like, it's just a blast.
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And I've been doing that ever since ever since uh we were a young married couple. I text her.
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I go, "Just so you know, I'm getting jocked."
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And then I sent a picture and Leanne's like, "She's got a lazy eye." And I'm like, "Oh, man." Yeah.
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And she gives it back to you, too. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
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Her and my daughters are just bullies. Like bullies.
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Like they've never they they called they call me baby walrus.
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They they've never they bust my balls harder than anyone I've ever met other than my two sisters. Yeah.
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The women in my life run my life. Isn't that the best?
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Like my wife, we just did this video and it was planned by my team, but we did this video where my wife rated my looks on the red carpet for the last seven years or however long it's been. Great.
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And oh dude, I've got some embarrassing red carpet looks and my wife does not hold back in this video.
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She just goes for it and she's got so much banter and she's got so much sass and it's like all the comments are like she's a savage.
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comments are like she's a savage. I'm like, "Yeah, you think she looks cute and all this stuff, but this woman can like go in and it's and and I can I mean, I can I can attest to the fact that those are terrible looks, but Baby Walrus started our chat thread, Baby
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Walrus, and it was pictures where they thought I was cute and it's like the worst pictures ever and it's like one of them is me on a surfboard covered in uh in like in sunscreen and I just am sitting criss-cross applesauce on a on a surfboard and I look fat and I got a hoodie on. so bad. But it's them sending so bad.
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But it's them sending pictures where they think I look cute, but I look like an idiot. Yeah.
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And so, are they playing you or they think you look cute?
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I mean, the picture on Baby Walrus is horrible. Let's see.
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We're going to have to get this for the edit as well, so everyone on YouTube, that's the one of me on the surfboard. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I see.
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And they're all just pictures of me looking horrible. Oh god, the worst.
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We'll go back to the family in a second.
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But, uh, I wanted to Were you Were you always the class clown?
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Was this always natural for you?
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Were you the guy who could make everyone laugh and get attention? Was that who you were?
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No, I was like I dare I say like painfully serious.
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Like I I mean I always was funny but I I didn't know I thought what I was doing was cool and when from the outside looking in it wasn't. It was funny.
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So I didn't realize that I was being funny.
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I I think a lot of comics have this like uh I told just told the story in therapy the other day when I was in first grade I played second base.
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I'm really into baseball.
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I was really into baseball growing up. Played second base. Fly ball to me. Base is loaded. Fly ball to me.
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I catch it and then I spike it and I take my shirt off and I start dancing. Now my dad was livid.
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He was like, "What is wrong with you?"
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And but everyone laughed and I thought what I was doing was cool and that people were like, "Yeah."
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But they just see this six-year-old, seven-year-old dancing shirtless in second base.
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And so my whole life, I think I was always trying to be serious.
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Like I I dressed up as Kiss for the talent show. I was dead serious.
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Like you're going to watch me like kill it out here.
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And I remember being in the thing. I had a guitar. Car didn't have strings.
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I was going to air guitar.
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And the kid looks at me and he goes, the kid next to me had a violin.
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And I He goes, "You play the guitar?" And I said, "No."
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He goes, "What are you going to do?" I said, "Just rock out."
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He's like, "You're just going to go up there and dance?"
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And I was like, and when he said it, I was like, "This sounds silly." Yeah.
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And then I just went out and just air guitared and danced in my mom's tights, no shirt, her belts around my chest, white face paint that me and Brian Callahan put on.
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So yeah, I think and I and I think I was that way all the way through high school.
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I don't think I was very funny in high school, although I was.
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I learned how to tell a story in high school.
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It wasn't until I gave up sports in college that people started saying I was funny.
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What made you learn how to tell a story in high school?
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Going to an all boys Catholic high school. It was the best. It was the best, man. I'm saying the best.
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Your currency was could you hold a table?
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Wasn't chicks wasn't did you look good? Could you hold a table?
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And so for lunch that you'd have a table, your boys 12 and I would practice my story coming from religion to the table.
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I'll be like, "All right."
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So, we did a beer run, right? And I'm driving. Cayman comes in. He dives in. A dog grabs his leg. I take off.
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That's And I'm practicing the story.
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And then I get there and they'd be like, "Hey, uh, tell us about the fight."
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And I'll be like, "Okay, got to pivot. Here we go."
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And I remember the first time I said a line that like worked well, I said, "Dude, he got knocked out."
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I mean, this punch started in Miami and ended in Washington State and and they were like, "Oh, like it was just it was like storytelling was our thing." Yeah.
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And uh if you could tell a good story, like Beach Week, you came up to the room, everyone wanted to know if you hooked up with that chick.
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And you had to have a story about it. Ah yeah.
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I remember one guy came up, older kid, and he was like, "Yeah, I didn't have a condom, so I used a plastic bag." And we're like, "What?" Like just wild stories. Yeah. Yeah.
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And then when I got to Florida State, uh, that's when I started realizing I was funny.
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I went to an all boy school, too.
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But what I realized was that a lot of the guys had imaginary girlfriends.
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So, a lot of the stories were just made up. Jesus.
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And when you'd figure out that Felicity wasn't real because that was an American girl's name off a TV show and not a girl's name in England.
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Like, you never There's no one I've ever met in England called Felicity.
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And then one of our guys was dating a girl called Felicity.
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Like, you've been watching too much American Pie.
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Like that's like the feeling we'd get.
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Girls were a perfect example.
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I was so painfully serious about losing my virginity. I mean, I was dialed in.
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It was all it was my only focus.
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And then when I did, it was such a tragedy that that story became I remember sitting down and they're like, "Bro, tell the story."
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"Bro, tell the story." And all of a sudden there's like three deep and the story I might have told it on may not this may not be the right setting for it but I'll just say it was fast and I did it wrong and I mean and there were like
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dudes standing three people deep to hear the story and then you know we had two lunches so the next people coming Ty Rodriguez like tell it again and I mean everything was like a tragedy like a comedy of tragedies for me and you've never reconnected back with this person the woman. The woman yeah you know her.
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The woman yeah you know her.
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Yeah, I know her very well. That's Tampa, though. I know her. I know her brother.
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Her dad just recently passed. Her dad was a legend. Her dad was a legend. I got to say this.
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And you know, she cheated on me at prom with my best friend and and we had to go spend the night at her house.
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Now, I'm like uh I'm a really sensitive guy and I was so humiliated that instead of going back into the house with they dropped us off, I went out into her car and I said, "I'm just going to sit in her car.
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This is We didn't have a car to get home. home.
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I didn't have any way to get home. So, I sat in her car. I said, "You know what? Screw it.
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I'm going to I'm I'm going to sleep out in this car."
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And I laid in the backseat of her car and her dad just comes out and knocks on the window.
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He's like boxers or whatever.
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And he's like, "Buddy, this isn't how it's done." I was like, "What?"
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He goes, "I know you're hurting right now. Come in the house.
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Trust me, I'll make it comfortable."
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I said, "I I look, they know I've been out here."
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He goes, "Well, we all know you've been out here."
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He goes, "Just walk in the house and sleep inside tonight.
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I'm going to give you 5 minutes." So, we went in.
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I waited 5 minutes and I walked in the house and very slick.
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Her dad was like was like, "Bert, what can I get you to drink? Would you like a beer?"
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And I'm, you know, 17 and I was like, "I would love a beer." And he's like, "Great.
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Come on, we'll go sit outside."
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And just made it very smooth.
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But yeah, I still know her. Wow. That's epic. That's epic.
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I remember breaking up with a girl and I was just upset that her father used to have Manchester United season tickets and he used to always take me along.
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And I remember when I broke up with her, it was like harder breaking up with her dad than it was with her cuz we were like having this bromance moment of like supporting the same team.
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And it's just when I think back to times like that, think about how like those moments felt so big then and now when you look back you laugh at them, right?
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Like it's at that moment that humiliation.
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Was that like the biggest humiliation you'd had at that point in your life? Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
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And and I've had bigger I've had bigger.
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But yeah, that was like that was tough because I I thought I was cool, you know, and I think that's a little bit where my comedy is.
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I always come out the fool a little bit, you know.
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I'm always getting myself into something bigger than me.
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I I always think I'm doing the cool thing or the smart thing and I I always screw it up.
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Easter morning, kids are searching for eggs.
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My daddy's ample of popcorn.
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I go, "Buddy, that's weed." And he goes, "What? It's popcorn."
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I go, "No, there's weed in the popcorn."
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He goes, "How do they put weed in the popcorn?"
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I go, "Dad, it's called an edible and you just ate a lot of it."
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The first time I learned I could sleep without drinking like, you know, cuz you do it from 22 to like, you know, 30 and then one day you're like, I got to try to go to sleep without a cocktail or a glass of wine.
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First time I did that, I was like, "Wa, I can fall asleep. Shut up.
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My Oh my god, I've got enough tools to shut my brain off."
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Anxiety, OCD, eating, drinking, masturbating, whatever your little thing is.
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My saying is, and it kind of calms me down.
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Let's do today just a little better than we did yesterday. That's all we got to do. Just a baby step.
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I read that your dad was an interesting figure for you growing up and he had like a certain take on life of like men don't cry, boys don't cry, they don't show emotions. Yeah. Is that true? What was that? What What's that like?
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Cuz I think we hear about it now and it sounds like almost like a character because of where society's kind of moved into now.
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It's like But that was very real. Oh, very real.
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Uh, my dad, my dad's a great dad. I love my dad.
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But he just was like, "Hey, you don't cry." I was 11 years old.
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I was playing catcher and I got hit in the mouth with the baseball bat and I lost like 26 teeth.
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And my dad came over and he's like, "Okay, don't worry."
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It was my birthday, by the way.
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And I was like, he's like, "Don't worry, you're okay.
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Mom's going to take you to the dentist, but I need you to go to a shortstop." I was like, "What?"
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He goes, "You're not dying, and if I sub you out of the game, we forfeit the game.
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finish out the inning at shortstop.
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And I remember being like, "What? I've been injured."
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And he goes, "Yeah, go finish shortstop."
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And they hit a ground ball to me at shortstop.
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I caught it through it at first.
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My dad goes, "I'm really proud of you. Go to the dentist."
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But my dad just he just didn't it was not he didn't hit us, you know?
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But like he just was like I remember his when I got into comedy, he told me really clearly, "Buddy, eat [ __ ] cash checks.
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That's how the world works. eat [ __ ] cash checks.
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His dad was in World War II.
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He stormed like Omaha Beach or or or Normandy.
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And uh his dad never talked about the war.
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Sat in the garage, watch Mets games, listen to Met games, and drank beer.
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And so my and my dad lost his dad at 13.
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So I think my dad was just doing the best he could.
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But yeah, he told me I mean I mean it I remember I remember it like an older I remember getting anxiety attacks.
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This is how flat my dad was.
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One day I'm laying in bed.
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It's like after after David Letterman and I'm laying in bed.
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I had to be 10 years old and all of a sudden I have this very crisp realization that death is real. And I went, "Hold on."
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I go, "One day you're going to tell me my dad's going to die?" And I went, "Oh my god."
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And I started having a real panic attack.
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And I went into his room and I woke him up.
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My dad doesn't wake easily.
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He's like, if you wake my dad, he's like, "What the fuck?"
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You know, and so I scared me.
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I woke him up and I was like, "Dad, are you gonna die?" And he goes, "What?"
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I said, "Are you gonna die?"
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And he goes, "Yeah, you are, too. Go back to bed."
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And and then I went, "Wait, I'm going to die?
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I didn't think I going to I I knew you would die, but not me." And that was my dad.
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I I I had kids with panic disorder, and I was so not my dad with them.
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I was so like, "Yo, I got you.
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You're going to be fine."
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like, but yeah, my dad just he was just trying to do the best he could.
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Uh, stuck into a house that he couldn't really afford, making ends meet. He's got three kids.
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Didn't expect a third one. He's a lawyer.
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I don't think he ever wanted to be a lawyer. I mean, I'd say that.
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I don't know what he'd say, but I wouldn't say he like loves his job, but it's his job and he does it, but that was his do not cry. Do not cry.
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And if and when now I got older and we got into a something and he saw me like well up, he'd be like, "Oh, you better not cry."
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And I'd be like, "Might explain why I cry so much as adult now."
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So you just hold it back. I tried my whole life.
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And then I remember the first time seeing him cry.
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It was when I graduated Florida State and they didn't let me graduate.
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Two teachers failed me because I was written up in Rolling Stone magazine and they were they thought I embarrassed the school.
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So they failed me and I had to drive up to Tallahassee and they told me the administration said just go talk to the teachers and I went to drive up to Tallahassee and my dad walked me out to the car.
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It was like 6:00 in the morning and I was getting in the car to drive Tallahassee and he started crying and I'd never seen him cry and I was like what is this and he was just and he's like it's when someone with your kid and like I was like I was I got I drove in silence no music just in the dark just what did I just witness?
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Did you ever talk to him about that? No. Still till this day? No.
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My dad's an interesting guy.
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He's he's changed a lot the older he's gotten.
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He's way more sensitive than he was when I was a kid.
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Joey Diaz gave him marijuana one time on accident.
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He gave him like a handful of marijuana popcorn.
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It's the first time my dad had ever had marijuana. Easter morning.
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Kids are searching for eggs.
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My daddy's a handful of popcorn.
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I go, "Buddy, that's weed." And he goes, "What? It's popcorn."
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I go, "No, there's weed in the popcorn."
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He goes, "How do they put weed in the popcorn?"
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I go, "Dad, it's called an edible, and you just ate a lot of it."
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And so he goes, "Well, what do I do?"
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And I I grabbed a handful and I said, "I'll go with you.
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We're going to both eat weed. And we both ate weed.
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We did a podcast that day.
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And uh and then everyone leaves and it's me and my dad, high as crap, drinking whiskey at like 5 in the afternoon, smoking a cigar, really high.
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And I leaned over to him.
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I go, "Why don't you like me?"
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Oo, I'm going to get emotional.
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And he just goes, he's like, "I love you.
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You just make me uncomfortable."
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He was like, "I I love you and I'm afraid you're going to die and so I I don't know what that does, but I'm afraid you're going to die." I'm not going to die.
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And he goes, "You don't know that."
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He goes, "I lost my dad when I was young.
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I'm I'm terrified to lose you and I don't understand you.
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I don't understand your lifestyle."
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And I said, "Well, how can we fix this?"
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And he goes, "I want to get you a cardiologist." And I said, "Okay."
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And he goes, "You do that?"
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I go, "I want you to feel more comfortable with me."
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And he was like, "I can get you a cardiologist. I can do all the tests.
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I can pick all the tests I do." And I said, "Yeah." And he goes, "Okay."
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He had a cardiologist Monday morning for me, Dr. Kadan.
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And uh they did the CT scan, they did the stress test, they did all the tests my dad wanted, and everything came back clean.
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And my dad's like, "No, you'll go to him every 6 months." And I said, "Yeah."
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And our I want to say from that day on, our relationship has gotten so much smoother.
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I mean, I've forgiven him for stuff that he's did, and we're just a lot a lot closer now.
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[Music] It's incredible, isn't it?
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Like our parents try and hold us back from seeing their pain, but actually seeing their pain is the only thing that kind of penetrates and make you go, "Oh, wait. They're a human, too."
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Oh, I found out my dad was human when I was 21 years old.
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And I remember finding that out.
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And I didn't understand it. My parents split up.
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And I was so mad at my dad.
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I I didn't want to talk to him.
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I did I just I was wanted nothing to do with him.
20:46
And my uncle Jerry called me and he goes, "Uh, when was the last time you talked to your dad?"
20:50
And I said, "It's been a while."
20:52
And he goes, "Well, that shit's over."
20:53
He goes, "You call him today. He's your dad." No, no, no, Jerry. I'm I'm mad at him.
20:56
And he goes, "Yeah, you just found out your dad's a human." Okay? Your dad's a human. He's a regular man. He's not some superhero. So, you call him.
21:04
And look, you don't have to say you I love you.
21:06
Just call him, see how he's doing, and just touch base. I did.
21:10
And and and then that that was a period, you know, that was a growing period at that.
21:14
But uh yeah, he's a he's a pretty he's a pretty great dude.
21:19
I'll just say this, you know, a lot of people will be at his funeral.
21:23
That's like the testament for like a great man. Yeah, that's a big deal. Yeah. Oh, it'll be Yeah. Yeah.
21:36
He obviously means so much to you. Oh, yeah.
21:44
I think everyone's dad does, don't they?
21:46
I mean, for all our differences, and we have a ton um of a ton.
21:48
We're If you met me and met him, you would not know we were related. He's pretty quiet.
21:53
Does not want to get on stage and sincerely doesn't want you to get on stage.
21:58
I mean, he just saw me do stand up for the first time. No. At the Amily. Yeah. No.
22:04
After all these years, after all these years, I did the Amily, which is the arena in Tampa.
22:07
And I said, "Yo, if you're going to you should come and see me here, I understand like comedy clubs, but you should come to the arena. It's a big deal, Dad."
22:15
He got there and I don't think he realized what was happening for real.
22:20
Like he knew I was doing a show there, but he called me and he goes, "Wade Bogs is here."
22:23
Wade Bogs was like our hero playing baseball growing up. I said, "Yeah, I know. I put him in your box." And he goes, "No, buddy. He's here.
22:30
Do you think he knows you?"
22:30
And I said, "Daddy's at my show."
22:32
He goes, "Mike, I just saw Mike Alto, football player." I go, "Yeah."
22:36
and he goes, "Do these people know you?"
22:37
I said, "Dad, I'm the reason they're here."
22:39
And then he came backstage and Dererick Brooks, who's a legend, played at Florida State, played at at at at the Bucks, is backstage talking to my dad.
22:49
My dad's staring at Derrick Brooks going and he goes, and Derek goes, "Can you believe how far Birds come?"
22:57
He's doing the Emily and I, he goes, "I was his first show at Pop Bellies." And Derek Brooks leaves.
23:03
My dad goes, "Buddy, Derek Brooks knows who you are."
23:09
I was like, "Yeah, I know, Dad.
23:09
We just spent time with him.
23:11
He knows who you are, too."
23:12
But yeah, my dad just he just That was the first time he taught me saw me to stand up. What did he say?
23:16
I got to be honest with you.
23:18
I think it makes him uncomfortable.
23:20
Like I think he kind of half looks and half like I I don't think he I don't think he laughs a lot at it. I don't know.
23:26
I mean, he says he goes, "You're good."
23:28
Like, but he I make him uncomfortable.
23:30
I had a great Shaq joke that Shaq wanted me to put in the special.
23:33
It's dare I say borderline racist, but Shaq and I talked. It made us laugh.
23:39
And Shaq's like, "You got to put that in the special."
23:41
And my dad's like, "That does not go in the special."
23:45
And I was like, "Dad, Shaq says it's okay."
23:47
And he goes, "I don't give a [ __ ] I I am not comfortable with that joke." So, I took it out.
23:50
And Shaq's like, "You took it out because you're dad." Yeah. What?
23:54
But I got a better Shack joke now. Okay. Oh, yeah.
23:55
What's the bad Shack joke? Well, I I can't do it.
24:02
Is I don't think your audience wants to hear it.
24:04
Go see me on the Permission to Party World Tour start in September. There we go.
24:09
That's It's pretty aggressive. Oh, that's fun. That's fun.
24:13
People can look forward to seeing that.
24:14
But whatever, you know, when I'm hearing about your relationship with your dad, I think it's so interesting where we just talked about that unlock of you figure out your parents are human and you also get context of their humanity.
24:25
Like you were saying, his dad died when he was 13 years old and he saw that and then he was scared of losing you.
24:30
Like I remember my dad took me to his the home he grew up in in India and his home was the size of this room, his home.
24:38
So the kitchen's in a corner.
24:41
There's, by the way, there's five kids that grow up in this house. Yeah. There's a bed over here. We get there outside.
24:47
There's bats, cockroaches, and rats everywhere cuz he grew up in like this slumlike area. Disgusting.
24:55
I'm 9 years old when I first go. Whoa.
24:58
And then they shared a toilet with like 20, 30 families.
24:59
And I remember going there at 9 years old and my whole perspective of my dad completely changed. Yeah.
25:07
Because all of a sudden I had like a reference point.
25:12
Now my life wasn't luxury in London by any means, but it wasn't that. Yeah.
25:14
And when you see like bats and rats and cockroaches at 9 years old, which like freak you out, you think that's how your dad just walked to the toilet, walked back to his house, he was the youngest of five kids.
25:27
And all of a sudden, you just get like a completely different perspective on the man you're looking at.
25:32
And it sounds like you had that moment as well.
25:34
And and I guess my question is, it sounds like it's not something you had to reconcile through a conversation.
25:41
Like it's not like you've sat there and therapized it out or or fixed it, but there's a there's a resolution that's almost happened between both of you where he can come and watch you on stage even when he he hasn't for all these years.
25:53
Like would you say there's been healing?
25:55
You said there's forgiveness from your side.
25:57
Like what does that look like when there isn't a conversation?
26:00
Because I think today we've got so much about you got to have the conversation. Yeah.
26:04
No, you know, I think for my dad a lot of it was he always had the answer.
26:08
You know, my dad's the kind of guy that when I was a kid, the Iraq war started and I came home and I was like, I was against war because I knew that's what hippies were about and I wanted to be a hippie.
26:18
And so I thought that's what the right answer. I'm against war.
26:21
And uh my dad's like, "No, you're an idiot.
26:24
Why don't you go to your room until you realize what an idiot you are and then when you come down, I'll explain to you why you're an idiot."
26:31
So I went to my room and I was like, "I don't know why I'm an idiot."
26:34
Like I what did I And everyone should be against war. My dad came downstairs.
26:38
I go, I don't know why I'm an idiot.
26:39
And he goes, okay, there's a lot of interesting things about this war.
26:43
Number one, it's the first televised war we've ever seen.
26:44
We're watching them go to war in it starts like a football game and me and you have the opportunity to watch this.
26:50
Number two, this man Sodom Hussein is a monster to his own people and we are going in to get rid of him.
26:56
You do not know any of the politics.
26:59
So, shut your mouth and sit down and watch the war.
27:01
And my dad was like that with everything.
27:03
If you ever said an idea, if to this day if I say uh if I say something anything political, my dad takes the opposite side and will tell me.
27:13
So in a weird way, it never gave me a foot to stand on politically.
27:17
It's why I don't talk about politics on stage cuz whatever I would say, my dad would tell me I was I was wrong. He wanted to show me.
27:22
I think he was protecting me from looking foolish or protecting me from being the guy at a party that was a know-it-all.
27:29
And you know, my dad kind of flew under the radar always.
27:32
And I think when I started getting successful, there was a part of my dad where he no longer had an answer for me.
27:41
He no longer had the solution.
27:44
He couldn't he couldn't put me in the right direction.
27:45
When they fly, they're older.
27:48
I send them to a special entrance at the airport.
27:50
It's a little expensive, but it's easier for them.
27:52
And my dad had a broken hip and got knee problems.
27:54
My mom's my mom's a piece of work. My mom's like me. Okay.
27:59
And so, uh, and he gets really upset.
28:03
He's like, "Buddy, I don't need this. I can't. You can't afford this."
28:06
And I go, "I definitely can afford it."
28:07
And he's like, "No, you don't know."
28:08
So, one day I had to send him like my bank statement and be like, "I can afford to put you through there."
28:14
And he was like, "What the you like he just I I think and that it's not like the, you know, the younger lion taking over the bigger lion, but like like me like me not letting him pay for meals, that makes him uncomfortable.
28:27
Like that's who he's been.
28:29
He's been the leader of our family.
28:30
And I'm not saying he's not still our leader. He is.
28:32
By every stretch of the means, he is.
28:36
However, I think not having all the answers for me and not being able to tell me exactly what to do and be confident in his decision made him very uncomfortable. I think. I don't know.
28:46
But you never It didn't seem like you were searching for his approval at any point. I was Oh my god.
28:50
That's all I've been doing my whole life. My whole life.
28:54
He didn't like my long hair. Got a flat top.
28:57
came into his office and he was like, "You look like an idiot."
28:58
And I was like, "God dang it."
28:59
Like all I've ever wanted is that man's approval. That's it. That's it.
29:02
Entirely without a doubt.
29:05
I just like when he says and he says very often how proud he is of me.
29:10
Uh it doesn't it doesn't miss me.
29:10
I It hits me in the chest and it makes me feel great.
29:14
And the fact that he'll call up and he'll be like, "Buddy, we went to the Macaroni Grill."
29:19
You know, I say my I say my last name and they go, "Are you related to Bert Chrysler?" They knew who you were.
29:25
Buddy, I got a table right away.
29:27
They gave me they, you know, they do the bacon there, you know, the big bacon. My dad's like that.
29:30
He uh he loves it and I he and I think he kind of loves my whatever celebrity I have cuz it trickles to him.
29:37
And now like when he goes to like when he goes to like he went to my special, him and my mom sat backstage.
29:44
They didn't go in the they sat on chairs on side stage and he's deaf and like not deaf but he's losing his hearing.
29:50
So I'm doing the show and I hear him say, "What did he say?"
29:52
I'm like, "Jesus, Dad, she said he said he saw her suck his dick." What?
29:56
He She lost weight, Albert.
30:00
She He saw her give her a Leanne gave him a [ __ ] and I'm like, "You two shut up."
30:06
But yeah, they uh Yeah, I'm I'm I'm constantly seeking his approval.
30:12
I think probably could be said for my career.
30:14
I think the reason I'm into comedy is I'm searching for approval.
30:19
I want people to like me. I I do.
30:21
I want people to have a good time and I want people to go, you were fun.
30:22
I don't need to be the best comic, but I want the people that see me to really have had a great time and like me.
30:28
When was the first time you felt like you got his approval? Uh, Will Smith. Yeah. Will Smith.
30:35
Will I got a deal at like 26 years old, I've been doing standup.
30:40
On my 26th birthday, I was in New York and I was just partying. I wasn't doing standup.
30:44
I've been there for a couple months and I got hammered the night before and it was my birthday and my phone rang at like 8:00 in the morning, 9:00 in the morning and I saw it was my dad caller ID and I said, you know, I'll answer it.
30:54
Let him say happy birthday and I go back to sleep.
30:55
I answer it and he says, "You are a tremendous piece of shit."
31:00
And I'm like, I go, "Dad."
31:03
And he goes, "Yeah, yeah, it's your dad."
31:05
And he goes, "You are worthless. You have no humility. You're doing nothing."
31:11
He goes, "I just perjured myself in court because of you."
31:14
The judge said, "Al, how's your son doing?" And I said, "Great. That is a lie.
31:19
You are not doing great, and you never will do great.
31:21
I have failed you as a father. I gave you no humility.
31:22
I taught you no life lessons.
31:25
You never had to work for anything. Things came easy to you.
31:28
And and I'm telling you, and I I said to him, I go, "It's my birthday."
31:32
And he goes, "I know what day it is."
31:34
He goes, "I gave birth to you.
31:36
We were there when you got born."
31:36
And he goes, "I'm telling you."
31:38
And I was like, "Dad," I go, "Well, okay.
31:40
So, what do I do with this?" He goes, "Nothing."
31:42
He goes, "I'll foot the bill. Be a party boy."
31:45
And I was like, "Well, I I want to I want to I don't want you to feel this way about me."
31:50
And he goes, "No, you should not want to feel this way about yourself."
31:52
And I said to him, "What can I do?"
31:54
He said, "Well, if you're serious about comedy, then you'll go to that club tonight and you'll do whatever you can to get on stage.
31:59
You'll go to that man and you'll say, "My name's Burke Chryser.
32:02
I'd like to be a standup. I'll clean up. I'll mop up. I'll I'll flip burgers. I'll stand up.
32:05
I'll do whatever you need, but I need an opportunity."
32:07
I said, I remember saying to him, I go, "Well, I I can't do it today tonight cuz I have a party planned." He was silent.
32:15
He just goes, "You have a you have a party?"
32:17
He goes, "You don't deserve a party.
32:19
What are you throwing a party for? You're a failure.
32:21
You go to that club tonight.
32:24
You you take yourself to dinner.
32:25
I want you to write down some goals and then you after that dinner, you go to that club and you tell whoever you need to, you'll do whatever you can and you'll do it for free."
32:32
And I said, "That's not how it works."
32:34
I remember him very clearly saying, "Hey, first some young black kid in Harlem, that's how it works for him. Do you know why?
32:40
Cuz he has humility and he knows how to get what he wants.
32:42
That's how it works for him. Doesn't work for you.
32:43
Cuz you're white and you feel like everything should be given to you." And I went, "Okay."
32:48
So I said, "All right, I'll do it." So I didn't.
32:50
I took myself to a restaurant on 7th and Bleecker and then I wrote down 26 goals that I had planned for that year. So I was turning 26.
32:58
I went to the Boston Comedy Club.
32:58
I met a guy named Louisis Schaefer and I told him exactly what my dad said, "My name's Bird. I want to do this."
33:05
Any advice, anything you do, get me on stage.
33:08
And Louis Schaefer said, "You should move back to Tampa." And I went, "What?"
33:11
He goes, "You're not going to be a comedian in New York.
33:12
You don't have what it takes."
33:13
And I went home almost like victorious.
33:15
I was like, "So, Dad, this is how it works. I told you I was right."
33:19
I called him the next morning.
33:20
He goes, "How did it go?" I said, "Not good.
33:22
This is exactly what he said." And he goes, "Perfect.
33:24
This is what I want you to do.
33:25
You go back tonight and you say the same sentence as if he'd have never said it to you." And I said, "Okay."
33:30
So I I said, "Well, what do I do if he says the same thing?"
33:32
He goes, "You're going to do that every single night until there's a point where you're going to break him."
33:36
And he's going to go, "Fine. I'll give you a job."
33:37
So I went back that night. And I went, "Hey, Lewis. My name's Burke Chryser.
33:41
I I want to be a stand-up comedian. I'm from Florida."
33:45
He goes, "I didn't I tell you to move back to Florida?"
33:46
I go, "Listen, here's the deal.
33:47
My dad called me a piece of [ __ ] yesterday.
33:49
I feel like a piece of [ __ ] I need an opportunity."
33:50
I go, "I'm going to be doing this every night for the next year as long as you keep saying this." And he went, "Fine.
33:59
if you can bring in 20 people, I'll put you on at the end of the night. Nice.
34:02
And I was like, for real?
34:02
And he goes, yeah, you can go on after right before Godfrey. And I was like, okay.
34:05
And man, I brought in 25 people. Someone got heckled.
34:12
Karen Bur Green got heckled by four Puerto Rican guys.
34:14
I brought in cuz one was going to jail the next day.
34:16
And I was like I And Louis Schaper comes out.
34:20
He's like, "Where's a comic?"
34:20
And I was like, "No one's here."
34:22
And he's like, "You're on. Let's go." Put me on stage.
34:24
and frat Boy Bert came out and I lit these four Puerto Rican guys up so hard and cuz I knew that guy was going to jail and I I mean I was like, "Hey man, have fun tomorrow. Don't drop the soap. Place is going nuts."
34:35
And I was like I was like, "Can I give you some advice about jail?"
34:38
I was like, "Suck it before you" And I mean that day it was so great.
34:42
They walked out of the room, the place went nuts and I was like and I got a job.
34:46
Louis Shaver's like, "You can do this every night."
34:47
Six months later, Will Smith discovered me.
34:48
Will Smith discovered me and my dad was floored. He was floored.
34:53
We watched the Fresh Prince on Monday night every Monday night.
34:54
It was a a sixf figureure development deal.
34:59
And I remember that was the first time my dad didn't have an answer.
35:01
And I said uh I said, "What do I do with this money?"
35:05
He goes, "I I don't know.
35:05
I've never gotten a paycheck like that."
35:07
He goes, "Buddy, I I remember him stuttering like I I can't tell you. I don't know."
35:14
He goes, "Let me hook you up with Bob Kazarian.
35:16
I still remember the guy's name over at Meil Lynch and and we'll we'll figure it out."
35:20
And that was when my dad was like, he's like like you you met Will Smith.
35:25
Will Smith taught me how to pitch movies and pitch TV shows.
35:29
And he was like a blessing in my life. Yeah. That's beautiful.
35:31
I didn't realize we had Will in common either.
35:34
Will's I mean, look, I love Will. Yeah. Yeah.
35:36
One of my favorite people.
35:37
He's he's one of my family to me.
35:39
He is He is the sweetest guy in the world. He was so good to me. He gave me great advice.
35:44
We're about to pitch ABC.
35:46
Jamie Tarsus, God rest her soul.
35:46
And I I drove over from the valley with him and J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J JL and Yeah, JL. Yeah. And uh James L. Yeah.
35:55
And I and I had a piss and Will came in and he goes, "I'll go to the bathroom with you."
36:00
So he sat at the stall right next to me at ABC.
36:02
And all any guy knows that the sound of a man's urine hitting a a toilet sometimes indicates how big their their their dick is. And he had a fire hose.
36:12
I mean, it was like And I got I couldn't pee.
36:14
I start I got I got gunshy and Will says to me, "Can I tell you everything you need to know about Hollywood?"
36:21
But I'm so in my head going pee pee pee. I didn't hear a word. I didn't hear one word.
36:27
And then he goes and then he stops peeing.
36:29
I realize if I can't pee next to Will Smith, I can't sell a show next to Will Smith.
36:32
I start peeing and all I hear him say is be yourself. That's it.
36:37
That's the only thing I heard.
36:37
And then I went into the room and uh Will was like, "Bert used to party hard or something?"
36:42
I was like, "Yeah, you guys ever try to knock yourself out?" And they're like, "Huh?"
36:44
And we used to do that in college and you had to do it on the side of a like put your head against something because if you just hit your head it's not going to happen and I knocked myself out and Will's just like and we sold a sitcom that day. I love that. Yeah, he's the best. Yeah, he is the best.
37:00
Dude, it's like as I'm listening to you, I'm just like there's it's so interesting because I feel like that moment that you told me about baseball with, you know, you and your dad and your dad telling you like on your birthday, just go play and then we'll sort it out later.
37:15
What was the power of that?
37:15
Like what was the good thing about that and then what was the hard thing about that?
37:22
Like there was good obviously that came from it.
37:23
this work ethic, this ability to turn up, the ability to push through pain, but there must have been some pain that stayed which searched for that approval.
37:32
But what was the good and the bad?
37:33
Because it sounds like you've been able to process both.
37:35
You know, he had a mentality you shouldn't cash checks and when I was at Travel Channel at the very tail end.
37:40
I was just hoping to get renewed and I knew they were changing presidents and I I had lasted like three or four presidents, but every time you went to a new president, you was and and it was money and I needed money. I had a family. I was ignoring standup.
37:51
I was ignoring the podcast, all the stuff I do now.
37:55
I was ignoring all of it.
37:55
And I was at the beach with my dad.
37:57
We're having a cigar and a glass of wine.
37:58
And he goes, "So, what's the deal? What What's our plan?"
38:02
I was I think I was 42 years old, 43 years old, looking for my dad's approval. And this is so my dad.
38:09
I go, "You know, buddy, eat [ __ ] cash checks."
38:11
Thinking he go, "That's my guy."
38:13
And my dad started crying.
38:13
He goes, "Oh, I think I you up."
38:15
He goes, "Eat [ __ ] cash checks means is for guys like me with no talent."
38:20
guys like you need to you need to go after your talent. Wow.
38:24
And he was he was crying.
38:27
And you know, Rogan had just said that to me, too.
38:29
He had just had that conversation with me.
38:31
And my dad's like, "If you don't go for it now, you're going to regret it." He's like, "Do it."
38:36
Cuz I had this long-standing offer from Showtime, Gary Garfinkle, God rest his soul, to do a special.
38:40
And I kept pushing it to do Travel Channel stuff.
38:44
And he goes, "Buddy, you you should do it.
38:45
You should, hey, follow your dreams."
38:47
So I I did the Showtime special.
38:50
No one watched it because I took my shirt off.
38:52
It's like I remember I remember them saying, "Yo, if you take your shirt off, you give them the reason to change the channel."
38:56
But what's fascinating is the thing that gets them to change a channel back in the day where you were Caesar and you be like, "No, no."
39:01
Is the exact opposite for the internet.
39:05
You see a guy with no shirt on the internet, you're like, "What's this?"
39:08
And you click it and I posted the machine story and it went viral.
39:10
And and it was I remember my but my dad gave me this like insane thing of even if you're sick, you show up.
39:18
Even if you're even if you're hurt, you show up.
39:20
I I think it's my punitive way that I work out is that I'm if I'm hung over, I work out extra hard. I was hung over.
39:27
I flew all drank all day yesterday in New York. Flew here last night.
39:31
This morning I got up at 8, got in the sauna for 30 minutes, got in the gym. We did abs. Who the wants to do abs?
39:37
Uh ran, lifted weights, and sweat it out.
39:40
But that's my dad's mentality is like you get up, you do your work, you no matter what. That was the lesson.
39:48
I I mean I I and my takeaway from being 11 and getting hurt, my dad going, "You finish the you don't let anyone down.
39:55
You don't you get you finish the game."
39:57
You know, I I had a showcase for ICM one time.
39:59
This is just my dad's mentality and there was a guy that went opened it and the next guy went on was a guy named Earthquake. Do you know Earthquake? Yeah.
40:12
unfollowable black dude who destroys destroys. His name's Earthquake.
40:20
I mean, just and he is Earthquake cuz he leaves you the room in an earthquake.
40:24
And I watched all my friends, I won't say their names, but all my all my white friend comedians panic.
40:29
No one wanted to follow earthquake.
40:31
And they just came to me.
40:33
They're like, "You want to go up after earthquake?"
40:34
And I just My dad would be like, "Yeah, that's your job. Do your job."
40:38
And I went up after earthquake and he had a joke.
40:42
His last joke was about his name earthquake.
40:43
I forget the joke, but I knew my first joke was about my name, Bert.
40:46
So the joke was uh was my name's Bert.
40:49
I know what you're thinking. Hot sexy name. Do you do porn? No.
40:52
I said Bird's the last name you want to hear during sex.
40:54
Just someone chick on top of you in the dark going h.
40:58
And then I go sh call me earthquake. And the place exploded.
41:01
But, you know, here's the thing, and this is my dad's my dad's mentality, is if you don't get on stage, if you don't show up to work, all the stuff that could possibly make your life great just disappears.
41:14
And that's been my mentality this whole career is you show up.
41:18
No matter what, you show up.
41:20
You got an audition, you show up.
41:22
You get, they want to meet, you want a general meeting, you still don't think it's right for you, you show up.
41:27
And I that's definitely the way I've taken the road. Dude, let's do the road.
41:30
Make sun make hey while the sun shines get out there and grind. Yeah. Yeah.
41:33
And that's what it takes.
41:35
I mean I feel like comedy is like there's a new comedian every month that's taken off.
41:39
You've had like a long-standing career.
41:40
It's hard to do that to keep reinventing yourself.
41:45
Keep coming back special after special. Success after success. It's hard to do that. Yeah.
41:49
It feels like it came from that. I I 100%. Yeah.
41:51
I mean, a lot of my friends like just like the pandemic hit and my my brain was like, "That doesn't mean we can't do standup."
42:00
And they're like, "No, the the country shut down."
42:03
And I went, "I'll figure it out."
42:04
And I so I came up with a type of touring, outdoor comedy festivals where I took driving movie the theaters and I plugged into their system.
42:11
We showed it up on the big screen.
42:13
We shot it with four cameras.
42:15
All the feeds went into the car so everyone could stay socially distant.
42:18
And I did I think I did 30 cities.
42:20
I think I maybe did 30 cities, 60 shows, 62 shows.
42:22
I did I tooured all through the pandemic.
42:25
That's just the way my brain works is like just cuz you say no, that doesn't mean look, you got to do it. You got to work. Yeah.
42:30
Don't just take the foot off the gas.
42:32
What I love about the earthquake story too, it's like what your dad said, if you didn't put yourself under that pressure.
42:38
You wouldn't have found that great new take.
42:41
If you're a dad right now and you're listening, this is the only takeaway you need.
42:45
My dad, whether it's true or not, always told me, "You love pressure, buddy.
42:51
It when all the chips are on the table, you perform your best.
42:56
I don't know what it is about you, but you love the pressure. You just love it."
42:59
And I'll tell you, my whole baseball career, if we were down, man first and second, we're down by two runs. That's when I performed.
43:05
When we faced the fastest pitcher we ever faced, that's the guy I hit the best off of.
43:12
And I and I'll tell you is in standup I've always done best when the most pressure is on me. I didn't do secret time. First show I bomb.
43:19
I'm only doing two shows. I bomb. I bomb.
43:20
I hadn't bombed with this hour ever and I bomb.
43:25
The crowd had to wait in the rain. We had a power shortage. It just it was horrible. And I'm nervous. I got one more show.
43:32
This is my first Netflix special. I got one more show.
43:34
And I'm sitting in the green room and Leanne just echoes my dad.
43:37
She goes, "Well, you know you love pressure.
43:39
This is when he's going to perform the best. Sit back, everybody.
43:42
And man, that show I mean, best stand-up show I've ever had in my entire career was that one show.
43:49
It was that was murderous. Wow.
43:49
People say with comedians, obviously, there's such a defense mechanism with humor and comedy to mask pain and challenges and all that kind of stuff.
43:59
I wonder, and you've said before as well, like I usually, you know, laugh through pain.
44:05
It's like, what what's a pain that you couldn't laugh through?
44:09
I hesitate to even say this, but I've been very lucky. I've been very lucky.
44:11
I haven't had a lot of tragedy in my life, and I can laugh at just about anything.
44:17
I I I laughed at my grandmother's funeral.
44:18
I laughed twice at my grandmother's funeral.
44:22
Tell us was I'm I'm started crying.
44:22
My dad had a rule like, "Don't cry in front of your kids." And I started crying.
44:27
And this is before we put Priscilla down. And I started crying.
44:30
He goes, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, stand up.
44:31
It's him and my uncle Jerry."
44:33
And my dad goes, "Buddy, pull together." I was like, "I'm upset." And he goes, "Why?"
44:38
I go, "Cuz your mom is in a box up there."
44:41
And he's like, "Yeah, she had a great life. You celebrate her life. You don't cry.
44:45
Can't let your girl see you cry.
44:47
Then they're going to be freaked out."
44:48
I was like, "Dad, it's just it's just hard looking at her."
44:50
And he goes, "No, no, no, no. You're fine."
44:54
I go, "Well, she they have her she's not smiling."
44:57
And he goes, "Are you aing idiot?"
45:00
He goes, "Do you want her smiling in that box?
45:01
Do you have any idea how creepy that is?" And I started laughing.
45:05
And then he goes, "There you go.
45:06
All right, you're out of it. Good. Let's go.
45:07
So then at the end of that funeral, everyone leaves.
45:10
My dad and my uncle Jerry mean this makes they go, "Hey, come on." I said, "What?" And they go, "Let's go.
45:19
Let's go say goodbye to grandma."
45:21
And this was them saying, "It's okay to cry." Oh my god.
45:23
I've never seen two uglier cries in my life.
45:28
This these men let go of years of trauma.
45:30
The I'll tell you I'll tell you right before she died, this is the hardest I've ever watched these two men laugh. We go to the hospital.
45:36
My grandmother's in congenative heart failure or whatever.
45:38
So, we go to the hospital. Grandma's in the bed.
45:41
Uncle Jerry and my dad are in the corner and they're hiding them their faces cuz they're crying.
45:47
They're hiding their faces behind the curtains. Okay.
45:48
And they're really emotional and I and I'm not.
45:54
For whatever reason, I'm not in that moment. And I go, "Hey, grandma. How you doing?"
45:57
And she goes, "Gh, my back hurts."
45:59
That's that's heart failure is when your back hurts.
46:01
And I go, "Well, do you want me to rub your back?"
46:05
And she goes, "I would love that, birdie boy. Rub my back."
46:08
So I start rubbing her back.
46:10
I go, "I love you so much, Grandma."
46:12
I go, "I think you're going to make it out of this."
46:13
And then I go, "Wait, I think you might have dropped a tissue behind your bed cuz I can feel I think there's tissue falling off."
46:19
And she goes, "That's my skin."
46:21
And my dad and my uncle go from crying to laughing hysterically.
46:27
And my dad's going, he's kicking my going, "He's rubbing skin off her back.
46:31
He's rubbing skin off her back."
46:33
And my uncle Jerry's just and I'm watching these two curtains shake and I'm just rubbing skin off her back on I love you grandma. Yeah.
46:44
I laugh I can laugh through just about anything. Oh god.
46:46
That's When When was the first time you let your daughter see you cry? I I start Okay. Uh I I I came home. I was on the treadmill.
46:57
Lannon's in the room with the girls.
46:59
And this is this is in Priscilla's third knee surgery.
47:05
Priscilla had five knee surgeries.
47:05
On her second knee surgery, they realized the other knee was bad, too.
47:09
They were going to have to do another one.
47:10
And the guy goes, "Listen, you're 15 grand into this dog.
47:13
I I think it's just I think we need to put her down." And I went, "What?"
47:16
He goes, "I can't promise that these are going to last, but like I'm telling you, the one that we already fixed, that's bad again.
47:21
We got to do that again." So, she's asleep.
47:22
I can put her down right now if you'd like.
47:24
And I went, "Well, hold on."
47:26
And I went, "Oh my god, give me a uh can you give me a second?"
47:30
And he goes, "Yeah, yeah, give me like go talk to your wife, but call me soon."
47:33
So I start crying and I and I'm I'm trying to hold it together and I walk in the room and the girls see me crying and they start laughing.
47:41
And they go, "Oh, mom, dad's crying."
47:42
And Leanne goes, "Girls, if dad's crying, we're all about to be crying in a matter of seconds."
47:50
He's like, "This isn't funny."
47:53
And I go, "They want to put Priscilla down." And George like what?
47:54
and then pulled it together and we didn't put her down.
47:59
We got two more We got those two knee surgeries, then two more knee surgeries and uh Yeah, but they've seen me cry a lot now.
48:06
Once I once the floodgates open, dude.
48:09
I cried at the Avengers movie when when Spider-Man died.
48:13
When Spider I was sobbing crying and Isa's mocking me.
48:16
I cry at movies real quick. I do.
48:18
And they will and they just you just watch them.
48:21
They don't even watch the movie.
48:22
just watch me and stare at me and giggle. Yeah. Yeah.
48:26
Well, that's why I find you to be such a interesting, fascinating person cuz like you got this larger than life personality.
48:32
You've got this party background and then like you've got like this soft heart.
48:37
Oh, I'm like the biggest. Yeah. Yeah.
48:39
And it's like and even when I met you, I could just tell immediately I was like, you know, this guy's got the softest heart and at the same time if I saw you, I wouldn't necessarily have that, you know, perception. Yeah. I think that's accurate.
48:51
accurate. I don't think anyone I think people think I'm a one thing and then when they find out like the one that always shocks everyone is I've only had sex with six women and they're like what and I was like yeah I'm just I wasn't that guy like I the time I lost my
49:05
virginity that changed my life in that moment I went from okay I'm not cool guy that could just bang chicks I'm super sensitive guy that needs you to get me cuz I'm not sure I do this right like my wife go my wife takes those phone calls and she knows I'm never going to cheat she knows I am a wreck. I am a wreck. I am a wreck.
49:23
But yeah, and so everyone's like, "Really?
49:25
You've only had sex with sick?"
49:26
I go, "Yeah, cuz I in college I'd go to a bar and I just hoping someone would get me."
49:30
Like I wanted someone that wanted to watch Fletch three times in a night.
49:33
How did How does she get about obviously all of the exposure of her life and her sex life as well? What's like allowed?
49:40
What What do you need permission for?
49:42
What do you get away with without any She says, "As long as it's funny." Oh, wow.
49:46
Oh, that's She goes, "As long as it's not mean and it's funny, I'm in."
49:49
I remember the time I realized she was game for anything.
49:52
She farted during oral sex.
49:56
And I and I made a joke and she started crying.
49:59
And I said, "What are you crying about?
50:01
I'm the one in the fire hole.
50:02
What are you What I'm [ __ ] my mouth.
50:04
What are you You're crying."
50:04
And she said to me, "You're definitely telling this on stage." And I wait. I said, "What? Can I?"
50:10
And she goes, "Well, yeah.
50:12
Obviously, if I did this, someone else has done this.
50:14
I'm not the only one that ever did it and it's funny.
50:18
funny. you should talk about this on stage and I did and man it was it was like a killer bit for a while but like yeah she she watched this hour and her note was I'm cool with everything you're saying I need to know the way you're saying it has love in it like has to have a smile in it because I I was doing
50:35
when you do material a lot you get bored of it and sometimes you don't show the sparkle in it the way you did when you wrote it and with this material I mean making fun of a woman because she's getting older and she's going through menopause and she's aging And if you don't say it with love or a smile, that was her exact word. There
50:50
There needs to be a smile and a little bit of rascal in your voice.
50:53
Like, you need to say, and so she was really adamant about that. I love that.
50:58
She's like a comedy coach.
51:00
Oh, she's I mean, look, she's not funny. Let's be very clear.
51:02
I take offense when she tells the people at the party, I'm the funny one at home. I go, you hang on.
51:07
My comedy bought the house. Let's be real, okay?
51:09
She's a g She's a gangster. She's awesome. And same with our girl.
51:13
She's kind of monitors the material and and runs runs it by with them with her and uh talks to them about it and you know Yeah.
51:22
Do they think dad's really cool or dad's human? Oh, human.
51:27
They don't think I'm cool at all.
51:29
They do not When did that when did it go from cool to human?
51:33
Or was it ever cool in the first place?
51:34
I don't think it was ever cool.
51:34
I don't think it's No, it's it's you know there I had a period of of where Georgia I could tell thought I was kind of cool. Yeah.
51:41
Like Georgia had this like we we took her on fully loaded one year.
51:43
Her and her friend Daisy.
51:45
I got this great picture.
51:45
At the end of the night, I' I we tell the machine and then I'd bring all the comics on stage and I'd have them bring me a beer and I'd kill a beer and I'd spit it in the air and it would it was a fun moment to way to close the show and it was always a really cool picture.
52:01
And one year I call all the comics out and then everyone starts walking off and I'm saying goodbye and Georgia comes out.
52:08
I got this great picture and she throws her arm in the air like she just did a stand like she like she did stand up and I was like, "What are you doing?"
52:16
And she goes, "I just wanted to see what it felt like."
52:18
But like uh I think they think I'm okay.
52:21
I don't think they think I'm cool.
52:23
Like in all honesty, if I didn't ever go to their college ever again, they'd be very comfortable with that.
52:32
Well, why do you turn up to their college? You might drop them.
52:33
No, like parents weekend.
52:35
Parents weekend or you know, we went and looked at colleges.
52:38
cuz I wanted Georgia to go to Boulder.
52:40
And uh so we went to Boulder and this kid yells out the window, "The machine."
52:45
And then all of a sudden, word got out on campus and kids started running and finding me.
52:48
And I watched this kid, my child, lose interest in a school very quick, a great school, one of the best schools in the universe. I love that school.
52:59
And she was like, "Yeah, I'm not going here." I was like, "What?"
53:02
She goes, "I'm not going to a place where you have fans."
53:04
I was like, "Baby, I think that's going to be tough.
53:06
And then she was like, "I won't go to Florida State. I won't go to Florida. I'm not going here. Not going to Georgia.
53:10
I'm going I'm going to find my place."
53:12
And so I didn't go look at schools with her.
53:16
And the next two schools she looked at, she loved.
53:18
She got into both of them and she chose one. Wow. And same with Isa.
53:22
Isa would I They hate when I get recognized.
53:24
Last night we we flew in and paparazzi was waiting for me at the airport and Georgia was just like like she walked in and like stood by a wall and was like she was like can we just mom can make this stop and I was like I don't I'm not rude so I'm like I'm going to talk to them.
53:41
If they want to talk to me I'll say something to them.
53:42
I'm not going to be there forever but yeah they I I think they would be cool if I wasn't famous.
53:47
How do you deal with that like with when you're raising kids?
53:48
You've been doing this for a long time.
53:51
They've probably been exposed to it since they were kids.
53:53
Like how h how have you had that conversation with them?
53:57
Because obviously it's still not easy for them.
54:00
We had a moment uh we were we were skiing.
54:03
It was very luxurious thing to do.
54:06
It's not lost on my kids cuz we didn't always have money, but we were going skiing and Georgia was having a rough time.
54:12
Just there was something going on with Georgia.
54:14
By the way, we didn't know this, but we all had CO at the time.
54:18
So, so George is having a rough time and she's has a meltdown and she's, you know, you know what, a junior in college, high school at the time.
54:25
She's having a meltdown and I'm talking to her in front of where we're staying right by the lifts and we're both in our ski outfits. I'm hold my snowboard.
54:34
She's got her snowboard and she's crying and I'm trying to talk to her and help her out with this thing she's going through.
54:42
And these two dudes are like, "Oh [ __ ] the machine."
54:44
And I just look in her eyes and she's like, and I was like, "What's up, guys?"
54:50
And they're like, "Can we get a picture?"
54:51
I go, "I'm kind of doing a thing."
54:52
Like, "Real quick, real quick."
54:54
I'm like, "It's easier just to take the picture than to."
54:56
And so I take the picture.
54:57
She goes, "I understand that this allows us to do this."
54:59
She goes, "It would be nice just to have my dad sometimes."
55:04
And and I was like, "I know."
55:06
And it it's sharing your your time with with fans is what is difficult for them.
55:12
And I'm not a good guy at like saying no.
55:14
Like I I don't I've seen my friends do that before and it always rubs me wrong.
55:19
I'm like just take a picture with it. Doesn't Yeah. Yeah. I feel the same way. Yeah.
55:23
It's like a It's almost like this is the reason why you get to do what you love every day and the least you can do is least you can do is take a second and listen to someone. Yeah.
55:32
And I'm assuming with you as well, people have great stories. Like that's how I feel.
55:35
Like I get to talk to people who just have amazing stories to share and life-changing moments.
55:38
And I'm like I feel like if I didn't sit there and listen to that it almost gives me fuel to keep going and you know keep moving because yeah I hear amazing things and I'm sure you do too.
55:48
Oh, I mean, you know, you forget, you know, a little bit of what we do is talk.
55:52
We talk, you know, there's someone right now that probably has a weird relationship with their dad and is hearing this and going, you know, there's things that we hope it's funny, too.
56:00
But, you know, like doing the biggest one I always got was, "You got me through the pandemic."
56:04
Because, you know, we put out content for them to distract themselves with.
56:07
A lot of people didn't have big houses to stay in during the pandemic.
56:10
They were in an apartment and they're just like, "This is miserable."
56:13
And, uh, I get that a lot.
56:16
I get, you know, right now the one I'm getting is, you know, you know, we just put our dog down.
56:19
You I've never I've never laughed and sobbed at the same time.
56:23
Thank you for letting us process and but you know, the least the least I can do is take a second and talk to someone who wants to say hi to me. Yeah. Yeah.
56:32
And it's like I mean that that's something that you do quite uniquely.
56:37
I feel like the ability to make someone laugh and cry.
56:39
Even like as we've been talking today, I'm like I'm like having like a really emotional moment with you and you're like making me crack up at the other end with like your grandma's funeral like being at the hospital or like and and there's a there's a real beauty in that.
56:50
Like have you ever sat and thought about like was this the first time in this special that you got extra emotional and got people to cry?
57:00
Was this like one of the first times or Yeah, I've never done this before.
57:03
I mean I'm I don't I don't mean this like cocky, but I don't think I don't think there's a lot of comics That's what I'm saying.
57:09
that are that are doing that and I and I didn't know if I should do it. What made you do it? Why did you go there? It was ready.
57:14
I did that story before Razledazzle.
57:16
I was going to do it at the end of Razledazzle and I just thought I don't know.
57:19
It just it felt weird to me for that material.
57:24
That material it felt weird and I and then and I was and Georgia called me one time on stage.
57:28
I was on stage and right before I released Razled Dazzle, she goes, "What are you doing?"
57:32
I said, "I'm doing standup."
57:33
She goes, "Oh, are you telling the escape room story?"
57:35
And I was like, "No, why should I?"
57:36
She goes, "Absolutely, Dad.
57:38
"Absolutely, Dad. you remember you almost [ __ ] in papa's mouth and I went oh yeah and then she kind of broke down the story on stage told it I went that's my closer and I was like good I'll get made fun of if I do this dog story everyone's going to make fun of me and and and say I just I can I'm I'm thinking of it too much and then I do
57:55
this special and uh everyone I was working with was like are you seeing what's happening in the room and I was like no cuz you can't really see anything and it's an arena and they're like yo we're out there and they're like grown men are sobbing crying like people are holding each other and laughing and crying at the same time. They're like,
58:10
They're like, "This is different."
58:12
Like, I remember a dude I really respect I brought with me on the road.
58:16
He's like, "That has to be your closer."
58:17
He's like, "That he goes, I don't know one comic making people cry, but making them happy cry like they're crying for something they love and then they're laughing and you end on a laugh."
58:28
He's like, "You have to do it."
58:30
I I just didn't know if it would work.
58:31
It was like what you said about writing a book.
58:33
You sit with it for four years and then and I shot this in July and it just came out this March.
58:37
So, I've been sitting on this special and I just was like, I'm going to get destroyed.
58:43
Like I I just started in my head going like no one's going to like this.
58:47
Everyone's going to make fun of this last story.
58:48
They're going to go, "Oh, Bird always cries. That's all he does."
58:52
And um and I put it out like the first day it was trending at number two.
58:59
And I went, which I never trended over six.
59:00
And I was like, "Whoa, that's weird."
59:02
And I went into my stories where people like mention you and it just looked like a straight line. And I was like, "Whoa."
59:10
And I was like, "I only got one story.
59:12
I only got one person mentioning me." And I hit it.
59:14
And I hit it and I was like, "Oh my god."
59:17
I couldn't get it the line to go away.
59:19
And I was like, and it was all about this story.
59:23
Everyone was just sobbing, crying.
59:25
People were sending me pictures of their dogs.
59:27
They were holding their dogs.
59:29
They were filming their husbands crying.
59:31
They were I mean it was so cathartic for me and I'm I'll be very real.
59:36
So uh you get on Netflix on on a Tuesday, you find out if you trend on Wednesday.
59:41
I did press all Wednesday morning from 6:00 in the morning till 9:00.
59:44
Uh I don't know if anyone's liked the special.
59:47
I don't know if it's trending.
59:48
I don't know any of that.
59:48
I go and take a nap and I'm waiting for an agent or someone to text me.
59:52
Like I figured I said to myself, if it just trends in the top 10, I'm going to be happy. Look, I'm 52.
59:57
Maybe there's guys doing it better than me, younger than me.
1:00:01
I expect them to just blow my doors off.
1:00:04
Just please tell me I have another year of doing stand.
1:00:06
Like that's way your head's thinking. And I took a nap.
1:00:11
I woke up and I got a text from a younger comic I really, really like, uh, Ricky Bles.
1:00:15
And he just said, "Yo, man, you're killing it. This is a great special.
1:00:19
I've been a fan of yours for a while.
1:00:21
I'd love to hang out next time I'm in LA.
1:00:23
Not do a podcast, hang out."
1:00:24
I was like, "That's cool." And I like this guy.
1:00:26
this guy's doing what I was trying to do at his age.
1:00:28
He's doing it way better than I'm doing it.
1:00:29
So, I was like, "Oh, nice."
1:00:30
I was like, "You like the special? Cool." I was like, "Nice.
1:00:33
A young kid liked the special."
1:00:34
And then my text blow up.
1:00:37
And that's when I went into my stories and I saw it.
1:00:39
And as I'm watching the stories people are saying, I started sobbing, crying just out of gratitude, out of just sitting there going like, "Gh, the thing I did is good. It's not horrible. It's not horrible. People don't hate me. Gh."
1:00:52
I was just sobbing, crying in my bed and I was like, and then Leanne comes in from her workout class.
1:00:58
She's like, "What's wrong with you?" She just walks in.
1:00:59
She goes, "You're training at number two." And I was like, "What?"
1:01:02
I didn't even look at Netflix.
1:01:04
And then I was like, and so I was like, "Whatever. I'm good. My first day was good."
1:01:08
And then it's been like that every day.
1:01:10
The response has been crazy.
1:01:11
People really are connecting with that last story. Yeah.
1:01:16
Talk talk to me about what you just said now.
1:01:17
that that inevitable embracing of insignificance and irrelevance that everyone goes through.
1:01:24
Like that idea that one day, oh yeah, no one's going to care about me.
1:01:29
No one's going to care about you.
1:01:29
No one's going to care about 99.
1:01:31
9% of everyone who's relevant, current, whatever trending we want to call it.
1:01:37
And there's that thing that creatives go to where you see them holding on to their last bit of relevance and significance, and it's painful to watch.
1:01:47
Yeah, but you understand it because you wait a minute like no matter how much we say like you know Ellen Ellen said something that I love.
1:01:55
She goes I used to always say I didn't care what people thought.
1:01:57
That's when everyone thought I was amazing.
1:01:59
Like you know it's like it's really easy to say I don't care what anyone thinks when I'm the number one person in the world.
1:02:03
But then when you actually are not number one, number two, number three, number four, you you start getting down on that list.
1:02:09
You'll be on number 10 now.
1:02:10
You do start caring what people think.
1:02:12
Especially like what you said, the new god like and especially when the new god has respect, that's a beautiful thing.
1:02:17
But when the new god's kind of like, you know, living how you were when you were the new god who has that overconfidence, the arrogance, how do you think about that?
1:02:28
Like how have you reflected?
1:02:28
Have you thought about that at all? I that's all I think.
1:02:31
You got to remember I didn't I like I I was just going to be a journeyman comic.
1:02:36
Like I I wasn't supposed to be successful.
1:02:38
supposed to be successful. I I I you know I did Travel Channel and I thought that was going to be my life and then when I got let go of from Travel Channel and my special didn't do well the machine didn't do well and I'm getting fat shamed by Tommy I was like okay I I
1:02:54
remember saying are we cool with this can we do this like this at this level like I was the guy at the store when people would talk to me more successful commerce would talk to me they'd look over my shoulder waiting for someone better to talk to I was a nice guy people liked but I wasn't relevant to them. And so they were like, "Oo, that
1:03:10
And so they were like, "Oo, that guy's Oh, that guy's 28 and he's killing it. Give me one second, bro.
1:03:14
I want to go talk to him."
1:03:15
And I was like, "Am I cool with that?"
1:03:17
I remember one time coming off stage, not wearing cool sneakers, wearing dad jeans, and seeing a young comic, murdering it in the car that my wife and I had seen in we had looked at that brand car, and that he had the car they had in the showroom.
1:03:30
I the car was like $220,000 and I was like, "Oh, how do how can he afford that?"
1:03:38
So, I wasn't supposed to be successful and I was cool with it.
1:03:40
I was definitely cool with it.
1:03:43
I was like, I can just do comedy at Funny Bones. I love comedy.
1:03:47
I'll keep putting out specials, maybe. You never know.
1:03:49
Look, Rogan's a good friend.
1:03:50
I can always do his podcast.
1:03:52
You know, that's how my brain worked.
1:03:53
I had my podcast, but no one cared.
1:03:56
And then I had the conversation with my dad.
1:03:58
I got let go from Travel Channel.
1:03:59
I had the conversation with Rogan and him and Tommy.
1:04:02
I remember them both saying like, "Don't worry, we can help you get ad sales." And I was like, "Okay."
1:04:05
And then I posted the machine story and then all of a sudden it went like crazy.
1:04:08
I mean, I had never experienced that before. Like genuinely viral.
1:04:14
And uh and then all of a sudden I started selling tickets and I was like, "Whoa, holy crap, this is crazy."
1:04:21
Just selling out, not looking at ticket counts, just going in and knowing everything's clean.
1:04:24
And so I I I really honestly had kind of already let go of all of it.
1:04:30
But there's a part of me that remembers, oh, it was cool when they I remember I remember getting right before I got let go in Travel Seattle, I got into a town car.
1:04:39
They got me a town car for something.
1:04:40
And I remember getting in and going, this is the last town car I'll ride in.
1:04:44
I was like, I should really enjoy this.
1:04:46
So, I kept always saying that every time I went to theaters, I was like, I probably won't do theaters again.
1:04:50
You only do theaters once really.
1:04:52
I'll go back to clubs, but enjoy this.
1:04:53
This is the Chicago theater.
1:04:55
Let's go for a jog tonight and watch the sunset.
1:04:57
And then, yo, uh, this is crazy. I'm doing the Beacon.
1:05:01
I probably am not going to sell two shows of the Beacon ever again.
1:05:03
So, let's really enjoy this.
1:05:05
And I brought my girls that I grew up with in Tampa up to the out to my bus and we hung out and and I and then when I started doing arena, I didn't even know I was going to do arenas.
1:05:14
I didn't know I was doing an arena.
1:05:16
I was in uh Green Bay and I was like, I'm doing an arena. And they're like, yeah.
1:05:21
And I was like, whoa, I got to really enjoy this.
1:05:22
And so, I every step of the way have been like, I got to enjoy this.
1:05:26
But then, you know, I take nine months off, just wait for the special to be released, and I was and I I did did it again.
1:05:34
Am I cool with not being relevant?
1:05:37
Am I cool with not being the thing, the shiny object and maybe going back to clubs or going back to theaters?
1:05:45
I I remember I texted my manager today, I go, "Hey guys, I'm I don't need to do arenas anymore.
1:05:50
I can do I I love theaters.
1:05:52
That's why Kevin Hart did a theater."
1:05:52
I go, "There's no shame in doing a theater.
1:05:54
A lot of them you can see a lot of me make more money than an arena.
1:05:56
And then special came out and I was like I it was just like a relief.
1:06:00
I was like I was like I can breathe. I can breathe.
1:06:04
That oh my god that is like and uh and then we were on a call today and they're like yo you know doing arenas again in the in the fall starting September.
1:06:14
And I told them I said and I said to them I said you know hey when we book out 2026 I don't have to do arena tours like I don't have to be holding on to something.
1:06:24
I'm cool with doing some clubs and doing some some theaters and and and and doing some outdoor venues.
1:06:30
I'd like to do the gorge again.
1:06:30
But like I go, let's shake it up, you know?
1:06:33
And they were all like, "Really?"
1:06:35
I was like, "Yeah, I don't know. I don't care."
1:06:38
Like it's But that it's I've watched it go away for people. It sucks. And you're right.
1:06:44
Watching someone hold too tightly.
1:06:47
It's why that song Hold on loosely by 38 Special is so great.
1:06:49
Hold on loosely and don't let go.
1:06:51
Cuz if you hold too tight, girl, you're going to lose control.
1:06:58
You're going to you're g That's a great song. It's a great song. Hold on loosely. No, I love that.
1:07:02
Yeah, that's a great name for a special. Yeah. Yeah, it is a good name. It is a good name.
1:07:07
I love what you're saying though, that I was I was driving to one of my clients homes the other day and this is someone I grew up watching, huge fan of, someone that I coach and work with.
1:07:17
And I was driving to his house and I walked in and you know it's like it's like a mile drive from the gate to even get to the house. Yeah.
1:07:25
And I was just like I have to live in the moment that I cannot believe.
1:07:30
And now we I've been co I've been working with him for seven years.
1:07:32
So I've driven to this house like every day for years. Yeah.
1:07:34
But I was like it loses its value when I stop being grateful for it.
1:07:39
As soon as it becomes familiar like what you're saying.
1:07:41
I love what you just said.
1:07:43
I love love love what you just said because as soon as greatness becomes familiar and excellence becomes familiar and all of this stuff becomes familiar, you lose its value and then when you lose it, you don't you never got to experience it.
1:07:55
So you realize you never had it in the first place cuz you were just running after it like you were chasing the whole time. You never held it.
1:08:02
And what you just said is you held it for that moment. I still hold it. Yeah, you still hold it.
1:08:07
hold it. I just signed up when I did the machine and my my producer Kale Ber he's he's the one of the greatest guys like guys happens to be a great movie producer and I was like yeah I'm going to um I'm going to not drink and not I'm going to be clean I'm going to work out I'm going to eat clean I'm going to look
1:08:24
good and he just kind of looked at me he's like yeah hey man that's that's not who I hired he's like look if I know who you are like if you're not having fun you're not going to it's going to show up on screen but if you're having fun it'll show up on screen like if you were having fun and he goes, "I can't tell you if the movie is going to be a hit. I
1:08:39
I can't tell if it's going to be a flop. You never know.
1:08:42
But what I can tell you is you're probably only going to get to make one movie. So enjoy this process. Have fun."
1:08:48
And man, I had so much fun making the machine.
1:08:51
It was the experience of a lifetime cuz every day I was like, I will never make another movie.
1:08:57
I will never have another movie where I don't have to memorize lines because I say whatever I want to say.
1:09:03
like I it's it was like the greatest life experience of my life.
1:09:05
But yeah, that's how I look at every project is this is probably the last one I'll do, you know?
1:09:11
I thought I I I know I have one more special with Netflix.
1:09:13
Like I owe them one and I go that might be my last one.
1:09:17
But that only makes it better though.
1:09:18
So the cool thing about a special and and you don't you don't get to experience this and and I don't think some comics think about this but I think about this.
1:09:24
So I take this material that I create about 18 24 months out and I take this and I work it and I play with it and at a certain point I get bored of it and I reinvent it and I come back to it.
1:09:37
But I play with this for two years I work on this same stuff and when I do my last taping I did six shows and on my last taping I was present and I said this is the last time I'll say these words.
1:09:51
Oh, it's like it's like my I give them the universe.
1:09:54
I'll never get them again.
1:09:55
And I get so emotional saying that, but you know, you're so your material is who you are.
1:10:00
And I can't and and I go, this is the last time I'll say this word, this wording in this cadence.
1:10:08
And it's just so it's But with a band, you never do that. Yeah.
1:10:11
And then sometimes you tell a story like a machine and you've been telling it now for 15 years. And I'll still tell it. I'll still tell it.
1:10:18
Listen, I was that story.
1:10:20
He changed my I sat listen I sat in the Ryman Theater.
1:10:22
There's a woman named Angela Johnson. Brilliant comic.
1:10:25
She's got a great nail salon bit.
1:10:25
I was with Arch Fear and Nate Nate Barati.
1:10:29
None of us were working very well.
1:10:29
None of us were making money.
1:10:31
She had sold out the Rhyman and they were chanting for this nail salon bit.
1:10:34
And I said to the Lord, I said, "Lord, give me one bit that people give a [ __ ] about.
1:10:40
I'll tell it until the day I die."
1:10:42
And he was definitely listening. He was like, "I got you. I I'll one up it.
1:10:47
I'll make it a 12-minute bit.
1:10:49
you're gonna make a movie out of this bit. I'll tell I got you.
1:10:52
And that's my nail salon bit.
1:10:55
You've you've always been so open about mental health and I talk about anxiety and and you know that's a big priority for us here as well because I find that so many people in their journey never get to share that.
1:11:05
People don't get to see that within people.
1:11:06
You've talked about anxiety, intrusive thoughts.
1:11:08
Like why were you comfortable enough to open up about that without thinking people are going to pick at that look at that weird your peers kind of where where did that get you get that courage and confidence?
1:11:20
I think it was stupidity.
1:11:20
I think I mean I just was like you know when I got into the business I was like 100% transparency.
1:11:27
I was watching comics as a character and I was like that doesn't seem fun.
1:11:31
So you're going to pick a character and then you're going to stay a character your whole life.
1:11:33
I was like, I'm going to be Bert and I'm just going to be Bert and anything I think I say and and and I'm going to live by the sword, die by the sword. This is my thing.
1:11:42
And when anxiety came up, I just was like, yo, it's I have anxiety.
1:11:48
Like, I have anx I have really bad anxiety. I have OCD.
1:11:50
I have intrusive thought.
1:11:52
I have I have struggled with I don't know.
1:11:55
I don't think I have depression only because I just I can't I can't I can't I think people that have real real depression think it's insulting for me to think the thing I go through is depression.
1:12:05
I know what it's like to have anxiety.
1:12:08
I had an anxiety attack driving in college and I didn't know what it was.
1:12:11
I thought I had a brain tumor.
1:12:12
And then the first time I was explaining it to someone and then and this is I mean this is probably 27 years old 28 years old.
1:12:22
I was explaining it to someone and they were like, "Oh, you got anxiety attacks."
1:12:27
I went to a therapist and she said, "I have a fear of flying.
1:12:30
I don't know if you noticed, but I have a fear of flying.
1:12:32
I rituals I do when I fly."
1:12:34
She said, "Well, yeah, you have anxiety. Let me give you Xanax."
1:12:36
Then I took Xanax and I was like, "Oh my god, is this what regular people feel like?"
1:12:40
I was like, "Are you kidding me?"
1:12:42
And then I I developed a problem with Xanax as as many people with anxiety do.
1:12:46
And my wife, right when we had Georgia, she said, "Yo, you're done taking Xanax."
1:12:50
like I had taken I've been using it, you know, on and off for like a year and she maybe a little more and George and Leanne's like, "You're done with Xanax.
1:12:58
It's you can have one if you need one, but it can't be your go-to every night.
1:13:02
It can't be the way you put yourself to sleep."
1:13:04
And then when I we started doing podcasts, I just was like, I don't know.
1:13:08
I was like, I just be open and honest.
1:13:10
You know, I have ruminating thoughts where I just chew a thought over and over again.
1:13:16
What's been the most recent? I have one this morning.
1:13:18
You went with the one this morning.
1:13:20
Uh I uh a great great comic uh Nick Thun was telling me about when he quit drinking and he said he was having a liver failure and his back was hurting and this morning I woke up on my side and my back hurt.
1:13:33
I went that does it you party too much your liver's failing your liver's failing and I started going through thoughts I could not stop and I have a saying when I go when I start having an anxiety or OCD I go be like a shark get out of bed and start moving.
1:13:47
second you start moving, things start helping.
1:13:49
And I go, "Get in the gym. Get in the sauna. Let's get in the sauna. Let's get in the sauna.
1:13:52
Let's sweat some stuff out. It's just back pain.
1:13:53
You're trust me, you would have other symptoms."
1:13:57
And I but I can't connect with it.
1:13:58
And I And it just it goes on and on and on.
1:14:00
And and then and I just obsess about it.
1:14:02
And then and I bring it up to almost everyone.
1:14:05
I've brought it up to everyone I've seen today.
1:14:06
And then I go, "No booze. No booze anymore. I'm done for a month.
1:14:10
I'm going to cut off for a month." That does it.
1:14:12
And then I come up here and I see your house.
1:14:14
I go, "All right, bottle of champagne.
1:14:17
What's it what's it going to hurt? Right?
1:14:18
But but but I have I have a saying with uh life, whether you're dealing with anxiety, OCD, eating, uh drinking, masturbating, whatever your a little thing is.
1:14:32
My saying is, and it kind of calms me down.
1:14:34
Let's do today just a little better than we did yesterday. That's all we got to do.
1:14:39
Just a baby step, little better than yesterday.
1:14:42
And if we have a bad day today, realize tomorrow we're going to have we're going to do better.
1:14:46
We have an opportunity to do better tomorrow.
1:14:49
And so I've been stuck in that mindset today.
1:14:51
And I said, let's just get let's do a little bit better today than we did yesterday.
1:14:55
And so that's where my head's at.
1:14:57
But yeah, they've gotten I've had really and you know, my daughters have anxiety.
1:15:01
Uh and and Leanne doesn't. They have sleep anxiety.
1:15:05
They both had sleep anxiety when they were young.
1:15:06
So, Georgia would uh wake up and think she was dying.
1:15:12
And I remember I was so glad I had anxiety then cuz so I could help her.
1:15:16
Lean's like, "Just go count sheep." I go, "Uh-uh. Let's not count. We're not counting.
1:15:20
That's the worst way to deal with this.
1:15:22
Just cuz if you It's shutting your brain off is the thing you need to do.
1:15:26
If your brain's just going after it, you're you're screwed." Yeah.
1:15:28
And so, uh, but Leanne's also a gangster.
1:15:31
She got both of them into therapy immediately.
1:15:35
uh and this therapist helped them immensely.
1:15:37
But now George and I can text about anxiety and talk about it and and you know it's the best thing about it is when you know other people have it is you're like so I'm not broken. I'm not crazy. Definitely not. Yeah.
1:15:51
And that's the the greatest feeling.
1:15:53
And it's it's you know my look my family's seen me when I get ready for a flight.
1:15:57
It's like I I get physically ill.
1:15:59
I start feeling my head getting tight.
1:16:01
I feel this and they're like hey you just have anxiety.
1:16:03
And then to try to recognize it sometimes it doesn't help 100% but you can breathe.
1:16:08
That's one other one thing I always say like wait I'm breathing.
1:16:10
I'm still breathing and I take deep breaths and I'm still breathing.
1:16:14
Crazy anxiety scuba diving. Oh yeah.
1:16:17
I mean definitely trying to breathe and scuba diving is hard enough.
1:16:22
I mean probably one of the biggest panic attack panic attacks I ever had were scuba diving in a thunderstorm in Fiji at 90 ft. Yeah, that would do it. Yeah.
1:16:31
And I'm and we're in a tin boat and I'm just like I get in the water and we start sinking and I realize very quick nothing I like is down at the bottom of this ocean and I start kicking up to the top and my dive instructor just grabs me, grabs my BC, grabs my thing, puts it in my mouth, like just holds it there and just going like this and I sunk with this Fijian woman who looked like Junior Sea.
1:16:55
She was a big woman and she took me to the bottom of the ocean and I was like and then but you know I got through it. You get through it. Yeah.
1:17:06
You always get through it.
1:17:08
No one dies from anxiety. Yeah.
1:17:10
You've developed enough coping mechanisms.
1:17:11
I don't know if I have and I don't know if they're healthy.
1:17:13
I know alcohol's been a big coping mechanism of mine. Yeah. Yeah.
1:17:18
When I the first time I learned I could sleep without drinking, like, you know, cuz you do it from 22 to like, you know, 30 and then one day you're like, I got to try to go to sleep without a cocktail or a glass of wine.
1:17:28
First time I did that, I was like, whoa, I can fall asleep. Shut up.
1:17:32
My Oh my god, I've got enough tools to shut my brain off. Yeah.
1:17:36
And that relationship feels healthier now with alcohol. Oh, yeah.
1:17:38
I mean, look, let's be real. Alcohol is poison. Everyone knows that. It's not good. You shouldn't do it.
1:17:45
But I'm also not a Mormon.
1:17:47
I like to have a good time. I like to get loose.
1:17:49
It's for alcohol for me, it's not even the buzz.
1:17:53
I I got to be honest with you, it's the letting loose. It's the celebration.
1:17:57
It's the hey, do you want to do a shot?
1:17:59
And you go, I definitely want to do like like the it's the permission to party.
1:18:03
Like it literally is I mean I named that tour this because when someone's like, "Hey, man."
1:18:08
When someone likes a joint, you're like, "You want that?"
1:18:10
That's that's like, "Yo, let's do it. Let's get after it."
1:18:14
I love when people crack open a bottle of wine, crack open a drink and go, "Hey, you you want one?"
1:18:18
I It's It's the funnest thing in the world.
1:18:21
When When flight attendants say to me, "Can I get you something to drink?"
1:18:24
I love that cuz they don't always say that, but when they do, I go, "This is going to be a good fight."
1:18:30
I I said I have a speech that I've I've people passed around, but it it is like a first kiss.
1:18:36
When we got married, Leanne goes I said, "Does it bum you out you'll never have sex with anyone?"
1:18:41
She goes, "No, absolutely not." I said, "Me either."
1:18:42
I said, "I think I'm good just having sex with you."
1:18:44
She goes, "What really bums me out is I'll never get a first kiss." I know.
1:18:46
For us, that's the worst cuz we got to do the kiss.
1:18:51
All the anxiety is on us.
1:18:51
We got to wait the whole night.
1:18:52
Does she want to kiss me? Is she going to kiss me? Should I take her?
1:18:55
Should I do it in the car?
1:18:56
Should I do it when we walk to the car? When should I do it? Oh, no. That was the wrong time. That was wrong time.
1:19:00
For for a woman, it's just this excitement of like, when's it going to happen? Is he doing it now?
1:19:05
When's it is it when's my present show up?
1:19:07
And that's how I feel about shots. What?
1:19:12
What's the Whoop telling you?
1:19:12
I see you with the Whoop on. So, I'm crazy. I'm crazy neurotic. Okay. Okay.
1:19:20
So, I check I check all of it.
1:19:20
My favorite day in the year is what?
1:19:22
Ouh December 30th when they post our scores. I love Whoop.
1:19:29
And uh I have found that if I am overly hydrated, my my heart rate is lower.
1:19:36
So every night before I go to bed, I drink four liquid deaths, 19 ounce liquid desks. I drink four of them.
1:19:42
I pee in the middle of the night, but I drink four of them.
1:19:43
My heart rate's around 56 beats per minute when I and that's after having, you know, bottle of wine or some poros.
1:19:48
And so I'm wildly hydrated, and that is my key for my Whoop.
1:19:53
It also, you know, for me, it also tells you how hard to work out. I love that.
1:19:57
love that. I love a goal because you know when we did the first sober October we were all set trying to set goals of how hard we can work out and that when you see the top of the mountain you know where you have to go and so you go all right I'm not done I'm getting back on
1:20:12
the treadmill I'm going to get on the assault bike okay here we're going to do the skir for we'll do and I like I love that like right now I've already hit my goal my goal was like I slept horrible last night my goal was uh I think at 10:00 and I'm at 9.6 six. But if it 6 six.
1:20:24
But if it wasn't, go to the gym, hit the ski urg uh 10 calories 10 times and we'll see.
1:20:31
We'll just get there 10 and get him a minute break.
1:20:33
Yeah, I like that [ __ ] I love it. I love whoop, too. It's great to measure. You need it.
1:20:37
And then they measure your steps.
1:20:39
You're like, "Yo, whoop, how long have you been doing that?"
1:20:41
Cuz you I didn't send this in.
1:20:43
You just turn something on. Give me my old steps.
1:20:46
I want to know what my old steps were. Yeah.
1:20:47
I When I started measuring steps was the very first I got a Fitbit, the little one you put in your pocket.
1:20:52
And bro, that changed the game for me.
1:20:54
I was like, I'm into fitness tracking.
1:20:56
And then when they sent these to us for the first second sober October, buddy, I've been this thing does not come off my wrist unless I do a special. I take it off.
1:21:05
You're going to need to pay me for that. Whoop.
1:21:07
Yeah, we should figure that out.
1:21:10
Yeah, they used to they they still do.
1:21:11
They're pretty good to us. Yeah, I love that.
1:21:13
But it has been I mean, you are literally the best time, buddy.
1:21:17
You're you're the best interview I've ever done. You're so good at this. I feel so present. Um, it's crazy.
1:21:24
You're But you're so much fun.
1:21:27
You got to realize this is like there's good chemistry.
1:21:29
What we should do is we should do a double date. Your wife and my wife. I love that.
1:21:32
And then my wife's going to go shut the up or let him talk. I can't wait to meet.
1:21:39
No, honestly, we have to hang outside of this. Like, I'd love that. I've got your number. You're such a good time.
1:21:44
And we end every episode with a final five.
1:21:46
These questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Okay.
1:21:50
But I may ask you to elaborate because I think you're going to give me some awesome answers.
1:21:55
So, question number one is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?
1:22:00
Uh, don't take anyone's advice. That's the best advice.
1:22:04
But sometimes everyone's advice is so built up with their [ __ ] I remember posting a a dance video and everyone was like, "Why would you do that?
1:22:14
Sold out my tour in seconds.
1:22:15
I'm so glad I didn't listen to anybody."
1:22:19
Don't take Don't take anyone's advice. I love that. Uh I fully agree.
1:22:22
The amount of publishers that told me not to call my book Think Like a Monk.
1:22:26
That was my first book and they were like, "Don't call it that.
1:22:29
No one wants to think like a monk."
1:22:31
They're they're telling they're giving you advice based on their failures. Totally. And you're not them. Totally.
1:22:36
And data, which is which is already in the past. Yeah. Right.
1:22:38
Having said that, Joe Rogan gave me the best advice ever.
1:22:42
And he just said he just said to me, just, you know, a little high, a little drunk in the back of the store.
1:22:46
He's like, "You need a Netflix special." And I was like, "Yeah."
1:22:48
He was like, "No, you need one."
1:22:49
I was like, "I don't know how to get that joke."
1:22:51
And he goes, "Be undeniable." And he just walked away.
1:22:54
I was like, "The [ __ ] does that mean?
1:22:56
I wrote in my joke book and I just tried to figure it out."
1:22:59
Then when you are undeniable, you're like, "Oh, that was great advice." I love that. Question number two.
1:23:06
What is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?
1:23:09
Worst advice I ever h got was uh you should start wearing a shirt.
1:23:15
If I had worn a shirt, who told you that?
1:23:16
I won't say her name, but someone that worked at Showtime, she said, "Hey, you should wear a shirt for this."
1:23:20
Trust me, no one does it without a shirt for a reason. You should wear a shirt.
1:23:24
And I was and I almost did.
1:23:26
And then she said, "How about this?
1:23:28
You do one with a shirt, one without a shirt." Okay.
1:23:29
And I said, "Well, then we can't cut in between them."
1:23:33
She goes, "Yeah, we'll use the one with the shirt.
1:23:34
Do not do it without a shirt."
1:23:36
And I was like, "I don't know.
1:23:37
I I remember thinking I'm a little different.
1:23:39
Like, I want to do it my way." Like I I know that.
1:23:41
And a lot of people were like, "Why would you not wear a shirt? My dad, why would you?"
1:23:46
buddy, put on a Brooks Brothers coat, a tie, look sharp.
1:23:48
And I was like, "No, I'm going to do it shirtless." And thank God.
1:23:53
I mean, it like I think that's been my I mean, that's how some people times people just go, "Oh, I didn't recognize you with a shirt on." That is so good. I do you know what?
1:24:01
When you came in today and I buzzed you in and I saw you without your shirt on, I was like, "He's going to do it without a shirt." I love it. I love it.
1:24:08
I was like, "He's going to do it without shirt."
1:24:10
I told the team, I was like, "He's coming without a shirt. He's going to do it."
1:24:12
I [ __ ] And then and then you came out of the car and then the your your team had your shirt and I was like, "Oh, okay."
1:24:18
It would this people would turn my breasts are just too meaty.
1:24:22
I'm at the point now where my breast hit my stomach.
1:24:24
You don't know what that's like. It's sad.
1:24:26
I look good standing up shirtless, but sitting down shirtless, I like a melted candle, dude. It's great. I love it.
1:24:34
I was so I was like, "Guys, he's going to do it with a shirt."
1:24:37
I can answer these last ones shirtless just to just to really be brand friendly.
1:24:43
God, this is a nice shirt, too.
1:24:43
It's a really nice shirt. I really like it. You look great, bro. You look great. Oh, thank you.
1:24:48
Yeah, this like Wow, we're getting Oh, there we go.
1:24:51
Okay, we're getting the full experience. I love it.
1:24:54
Now I'm like, okay, what's our next question? You're amazing. I love this.
1:24:58
Uh, question number three is, uh, what's different and similar about the way you parent your kids and the way your dad parented you?
1:25:10
Oh, I'll tell you what's similar.
1:25:10
Okay, I parented my kids the exact way my dad parented me.
1:25:17
What's different is my kids are smarter than I was and they told me I was doing it wrong.
1:25:22
Dude, I was a raise your voice, raise your voice kind of dad.
1:25:29
Girls didn't I remember the biggest fight we ever gotten with girls. They took the collars.
1:25:33
They like when my our dogs are naked and we have bull mastiffs.
1:25:36
I go, "Girls, the second you take the collars off, I can't control that dog."
1:25:39
And they let both the dogs out and they chased a woman and I couldn't get them say the collars.
1:25:42
And I came in and I started yelling at my girls.
1:25:46
And Georgia goes, "Just so you know, when you get to here, we know there's nowhere else you're going." And I was like, "What?"
1:25:52
She goes, "The threat's over.
1:25:53
This is as bad as it gets." And I was like, "What?"
1:25:55
She goes, "You're not going to hit us, so it's not working." All right.
1:25:58
And I was like, "Oh, shit."
1:26:00
And I realized, "Oh, it's not working.
1:26:02
You can't just go like that does it.
1:26:04
I'm not because this is as bad as it gets.
1:26:06
I go, "Okay, where does it go from here?"
1:26:08
And then then Georgia uh took the car with her friends in.
1:26:12
You're not allowed to do that.
1:26:13
And she was like, "Here we go again." Lean caught her.
1:26:17
And I said, "Yo, come home right now."
1:26:20
She drops her friends off. She comes home.
1:26:22
She sits and she's like, "All right, do it like like that."
1:26:26
I go, "Hey, it's just unsafe. Can you do me a favor?
1:26:30
just write like write like a thousand words on why you think that I'd be upset about this.
1:26:37
And she started crying and she goes, "Wait, you're not gonna yell at me?" I went, "No." I go, "It doesn't work. You said that. It doesn't work." And it doesn't work.
1:26:44
You're still you're still doing bad things.
1:26:46
So, like, just write a thousand words and then give it to me.
1:26:50
And she started sobbing, crying.
1:26:52
And she was like, she goes, "I think you're you're turning into like a really great dad."
1:26:56
And I was like, "Really?"
1:26:59
She goes, "Dad, you you understand me like your dad." It didn't work.
1:27:00
And then she wrote a thousand words and it was all a thousand words why she loves me and doesn't want to let me down. And I went, "Oh shit." Yeah.
1:27:07
I love my dad, but he didn't do that. Wow.
1:27:11
Do you think having the daughters changed you?
1:27:13
Like that was Those two kids, those two kids are just incredible kids.
1:27:18
Really incredible kids who get it and uh and get me.
1:27:25
And uh I perfect trying to plan a trip to Hawaii and both of them want to get jobs this summer.
1:27:33
I'm like, what are we talking about?
1:27:34
If my dad said Hawaii, I'd be like, "Yeah, I'll quit my job tomorrow, Dad." Yeah. I love that. Uh question number four.
1:27:40
You're such an open book.
1:27:42
What's something people don't know about you, they'd be surprised to hear?
1:27:43
I think if people heard my inner dialogue sometimes. Interesting.
1:27:47
I think they'd I think people would be bummed out for me. Oh, interesting.
1:27:53
You know how you say like you say like the things sometimes you say to yourself you go I forget the quote but it's like you know what would what would you say if someone was saying that about your daughter? Yeah.
1:28:06
And you go [ __ ] I beat that person up.
1:28:08
Why would you let them do it to you?
1:28:11
Sometimes my inner dialogue is can be really punitive.
1:28:13
And I and I think I think if I people heard it they would it would break their heart a little bit.
1:28:19
And I I that's the one thing I tried better um to change about myself is my inner dialogue to be more positive about myself.
1:28:26
But at the same time, that punitiveness is the thing that drives me a little bit where I go, don't let them if they think that about you, you change. You do better. You get that does it. Let's get in the gym. Let's write. Let's read that script.
1:28:37
Let's let's do that movie.
1:28:39
Let's challenge ourselves to do that. Let's go back on tour. Let's take time off.
1:28:42
Like I think that inner dialogue, as unhealthy as it may be, I bet if most people heard that inner dialogue, they'd give me a hug and go, I do the same [ __ ] M Yeah, definitely.
1:28:53
Yeah, I think we all do it. I do it. We all do it.
1:28:55
You just look in the mirror and then you you should be happy.
1:28:57
Like, look at these crystal blue electric eyes. Oh, man.
1:29:01
I think we're It's There's so many I I think you're spot on.
1:29:05
on. There's so many and by the way it is that you're you're somewhat trained to be driven and you know that that level of setting that standard high is what lets you rise and keep going otherwise we would have sat here for 10 minutes and walked off right like what there's no need so there's that and then there's
1:29:24
the compassion and that's why I've seen the best performers in the world they have high standards but then they have high grace and it's like if you have one or the other it doesn't work like if you have high standards and you have low grace You can't actually keep to those high standards. And if you have low standards
1:29:37
And if you have low standards and high grace, well, then you'll never get anywhere.
1:29:41
I'm always blown away by guys with crazy confidence and I'm like, is that real?
1:29:45
Like I I go like like people just talk wild [ __ ] I'm like I'm like, "Yo, I'm actually a good comic.
1:29:53
I'm better than like I'm I'm like legit.
1:29:56
Like you believe that about yourself?"
1:29:57
I'm always blown away by that. Yeah.
1:29:57
But you have to you have to there was this great uh Federraer gave this Roger Federra the tennis player gave this amazing commencement speech last year and he was saying that he's only won something like 60% of his points in his lifetime.
1:30:12
And he was saying the best thing I have to do is lose a point and then forget about that point.
1:30:16
Like I got to move on cuz otherwise I'm going to lose the next point.
1:30:19
Lose the next point if I keep thinking about that last loss.
1:30:22
But he goes I've lost a ton of points in my life.
1:30:24
He goes my skill is not to not lose points.
1:30:26
My skill is to be able to leave that point that I lost in the background and go win the next point.
1:30:32
And I feel like that that's that compassion.
1:30:33
That's that grace of like just move on next one.
1:30:35
Like you did with your next special.
1:30:37
The first one didn't work out. Next one.
1:30:38
Like let's see what can go. So it's crazy. I think that's uh yeah.
1:30:44
I don't know who I'd be with if I like I sometimes toy with the idea of getting on Prozac or something and then I go but wait I don't want to get rid of the Maybe that's my my mom.
1:30:51
I told her I was going to get on Prozac.
1:30:53
She goes, "Oh, honey, those are your nooks and crannies." Like, "What?" My mom has zero anxiety. Zero anxiety. Wow. I love that. My dad called one time.
1:31:03
He was calling me on FaceTime. He goes, "Hey, buddy.
1:31:04
I want to just tell you that I love you.
1:31:08
I'm going into surgery tomorrow." I go, "Okay."
1:31:09
I said, "Was it a crazy surgery?"
1:31:11
And he goes, "No, but you know, you know, just wanted, you know, I love you."
1:31:14
And I hear from my mom in the background go, "Sometimes they don't wake up."
1:31:17
And I was like, "Wait, mom? What?"
1:31:20
She said, "Sometimes they don't wake up."
1:31:21
So, your dad may not wake up. He may die.
1:31:23
And I'm like, I look at my dad's eyes and he's like, I live with this woman. Oh god. Last two questions. All right. Um, where am I? Let's do Okay. Yeah.
1:31:32
So, has there ever been a joke or something you said in a roast or something like that on stage where you're like, "Yeah, I went too far." But yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah.
1:31:43
Every podcast I do because you're sensitive, too. That's the thing.
1:31:45
Oh, I never I never want a joke to hurt someone. Yeah.
1:31:49
I remember I told a joke one time about uh about black women. It was a good joke.
1:31:55
I I would have stood by it had a fan not come up to me as a black woman.
1:32:00
She was really pretty and she said, "Hey man, I uh I'm I'm a fan." And I was like, "Cool."
1:32:06
She goes, "I just want you to know that that joke kind of hurt a little bit."
1:32:11
And she goes, "And I know that wasn't your intention, but it it didn't make me feel like I was still part of the team.
1:32:17
I felt like I was now an outsider. And I went, "Oo."
1:32:21
She goes, "Yeah, I know."
1:32:23
She goes, "I didn't I wasn't thinking about being black until you said that."
1:32:27
And then when you said it, I realized I was like, "I'm the only black woman in there."
1:32:30
And I went, "Uh, that's not my intention." And she goes, "I know.
1:32:33
That's why I'm telling you, wow, that's Yeah.
1:32:36
And I remember and but you don't realize that when you do comedy, you're just trying to get laughs, right?"
1:32:40
And and the one time I didn't believe a guy was blind and he was blind. I really regret that.
1:32:44
I didn't Tommy told me he wasn't blind.
1:32:46
wasn't blind. He was lying and I tested him and then he got up and he was really blind and I was like wow he he's really blind and they're like he got blind 2 days ago and I was like oh god so he wasn't it was yeah that was I hey I could we could do a podcast on regrets I've been doing this 25 years I
1:33:05
regret a lot oh god what about what about when you said your daughter CEO special and they're like dad stop being a misogynist like and they were like they told me they go yeah's just a misogynist and I went no I'm not and they went have you ever watched watch your standup and I was like, "Yeah." And
1:33:17
And they're like, "Do you hear the way you talk about mom?"
1:33:20
And I was like, "Yeah, but that's mom."
1:33:21
And they're like, "Do dad, do you you're a wild misogynist."
1:33:26
And then Isa was like, "Could you just write a joke for women?"
1:33:29
Like to make the women feel like better than the men.
1:33:35
And I was like, "I can do that."
1:33:35
And then I wrote it and they they didn't like it.
1:33:38
They they definitely didn't like it.
1:33:41
But but maybe that's coming.
1:33:43
Maybe you're you're moving in that direction. Maybe. I don't know.
1:33:44
I don't know what my direction is now that I have this crying joke at the end.
1:33:47
I feel like everyone's going to be like, "What are you going to make us cry about next?"
1:33:50
And I'll be like, "Oh god, hope my dad dies." Oh god. So I buried my dad.
1:33:56
They're like, "Here we go." Oh god. Final question.
1:33:57
We ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show.
1:34:03
If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
1:34:09
The law I would make, like I really dig like uh siesta in Spain.
1:34:15
But not everyone's a napper.
1:34:17
But I like that concept that there's like I would do like I would do statemandated happy hours.
1:34:23
Like statemandated happy hours where like like you you had at 5:00 when you got off work you couldn't go home.
1:34:30
You had to go to everyone had courtappointed bars and you had to go to these bars and you don't have to drink but you got to spend time and talk to people in the community.
1:34:39
Like you got to go there and people can drink and it's only an hour.
1:34:42
It's 1 hour, but everyone goes and you and everyone has to go and be social and just be connected to the That's what I think is so cool about London.
1:34:48
We were talking about that is the pub energy. You guys got that.
1:34:51
And I think that in America, if we knew like I was like, "Oh, we got to wrap this up.
1:34:56
We got to go to Chili's real quick."
1:34:57
And you're like, "Oh, you go to Chili, too?"
1:34:58
I go, "Well, this week I'm going to Chili's."
1:35:01
And then we went to Chili and you're like, "We should get a drink."
1:35:02
I think that would be awesome.
1:35:04
And I would definitely do comedy at those shows. I would love that.
1:35:08
Courtappointed mandated happy hour comedy shows. Oh, there we go.
1:35:14
No, first time ever we've heard that on the show. So, it's a good answer. I love it.
1:35:19
B Crusher lucky specials out.
1:35:23
I'm the luckiest dude in the world. This is so much fun. You are You're the best.
1:35:27
And and thank you for thank you for listening to me tell you how important I was on that plane.
1:35:31
I'm so glad I said that in the best way possible.
1:35:33
I was like I was like he is I already know he's funny cuz I was like no normally if someone said that you just it wouldn't land but you said it in the most sweet endearing way.
1:35:45
I was like I wish I had recorded that.
1:35:46
I wish I recorded that cuz I I would love to hear what I sound like talking about myself cuz I know what it I know it comes from a good place but especially like I if I see someone I recognize I get overwhelmed. You were amazing. You were so nice.
1:36:00
And then you mentioned Tom Sagura and I was like, "Oh yeah, I know Tom."
1:36:02
Because my videographer works with Tom and so I was aware.
1:36:07
And then yeah, it was and I knew what Two Bears was.
1:36:08
But it was it was one of those weird situations where like we just But we hit it off and you're here.
1:36:14
And what's crazy is I had you I had videos of you saved in my YouTube. You sent them to me.
1:36:18
And I was like I was like I I am watch I watch you. I relax.
1:36:21
I sit back and listen to your interviews. You're too kind. You're the best.
1:36:25
I want to come to your next special next live.
1:36:27
I'm there in the audience. Done. Double date first.
1:36:29
I'd love for that that first that first. I love it. I'm in. I love it. Thank you, B.
1:36:34
If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Will Smith on owning your truth and unlocking the power of manifestation.
1:36:41
Anybody who hasn't spoken to their parents or their brother. Call them right now.
1:36:47
Don't think you're going to have a chance to call them tomorrow or next week.
1:36:52
That opportunity with my father changed every relationship in my