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I think as a woman, especially as we've seen in the world, we are not equal to men.
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We don't have autonomy over our bodies.
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And so it for me using my platform right now to be like, let me be the boldest I can be, even if people are a little taken aback, it I hope it just helps other women.
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The best-selling author and host The number one health and wellness podcast with Jay Shetty.
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Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world.
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Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow.
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Now, this happens now and again, but there's someone that I've been following, admiring from afar, and then you see they follow you and you just go, "I need to I I want to connect with this human and I want to get to know them."
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And someone that when you watch their content, you feel like you already know them.
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And the few moments I've spent with her just as she'd been walking into the studio, I already felt like I had a connection with her and there was a really beautiful warm hug and just like this really positive feeling.
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But this is someone who has dominated as an entrepreneur, been extremely successful as a business person, an incredible host and interviewer, someone who is so multi-talented across the board, whether it's uh being authentic on camera, off camera, editing, creating, I mean, the works.
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And I'm speaking about the one and only Alex Cooper, creator, host, and executive producer of the hugely successful, which is an understatement, the podcast brand called Call Her Daddy.
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Alex is one of the most listened to female podcasters in the world with millions of listeners per episodes.
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And Alex continues to break all boundaries by shattering stigmas and stomping on misogyny, all while keeping mental health and personal empowerment at the forefront.
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And that's what really drew me into her work was when I started to see her talk about mental health and well-being and habits.
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I was just blown away and I I like, "We have to make this happen for our On Purpose community.
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And to the millions of devoted Gen Z and millennial listeners, the Daddy Gang, the Call Herd, uh which I'm a part of, uh the Call Her Daddy brand represents a new set of values and standards.
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And in addition to Alex has a successful merchandise line as well as several exciting businesses and endeavors in the pipeline, which I can't wait to discuss.
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Alex, welcome to On Purpose.
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Thank you so much for having me.
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I need to make that like my alarm clock every morning of like just like really hype myself up.
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Oh my god, you are so good at doing those intros.
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No, well, I it's part of like this culture that I adopted through living as a monk.
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And it was just when you met someone or when you introduce people, it was always part of the culture to like genuinely feel awe with who you're in front of.
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And to genuinely take in what they've done because it A helps you feel more grateful when you're with them.
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I feel very grateful to be with you today. I feel more inspired. I feel like I can learn. I feel curious.
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And I feel often, at least from the culture I grew up in, we always played people down.
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Like we always kind of like thought, oh well, we don't want to say this stuff about them, but I actually thought you have a worse conversation because then you're thinking, well, what do I have to learn from this person or this person's probably going to be up themselves.
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So, what am I going to get?
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Yeah, that's actually yeah.
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the vibe, like That's a great concept cuz I always think I feel like with social media people now everyone, millennial, Gen Z, everyone's like you're we're all egotistical.
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And so sometimes you try to downplay what you're doing, but it's actually such a great concept that you're taking a complete different spin.
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You're like, let's actually embrace our successes and everything we're doing and embrace it and enjoy it rather than feel shamed and like want to be hush-hush about it.
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Or on the other side, don't be jealous of someone if they're thriving and like cuz you can learn from them.
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Like I'm so excited to sit across from you today cuz I'm like, Jay Shetty, like let's get into it because I'm I'm geeking. I'm a huge fan.
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What you're doing is so incredible.
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I listened to your podcast and I don't listen to many.
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Um but I'm very excited and humbled to be here. So, thank you.
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Oh, that's the biggest compliment. I had no idea.
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So, now now I'm like blushing if you're listening. We're both blushing.
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Uh, and I have to tell you this because I just love people knowing this and I really appreciate it coming from you, but I have a rule that whenever we bring on a new team member, the now one of the questions I ask them in the interview is, "Who would you love as a guest of On Purpose?
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Like who would that person be?"
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But then Helena, who's our podcast producer, it was you.
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And and she was just like, "Yeah, I'd love And I was like, "She's already scheduled." So, it was like it. Daddy gang. Daddy gang. Daddy gang. Daddy gang.
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And so, it was just this beautiful feeling where she was like, "Yeah, I'd love Alex Cooper."
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And I was like, "We've already got her scheduled.
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She's coming on the show."
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Like it was already happening. So, yeah.
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So, anyway, you have a lot of love in our community for you. We're all big fans.
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But but let's dive straight into it. it.
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For me, when I'm observing someone like you, looking from the outside in, I I think one of the things that fascinates me is like, you know, what's someone interested in behind the camera? I just saw you in Italy.
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Uh, me and my wife were so jealous and FOMOing because we used to go to Italy every summer when we lived in London.
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We're both born and raised in London.
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What was your favorite thing about Italy? The food, the pasta. I have never been.
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I rarely take like big vacations like that, and I was so excited to just try the pasta.
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I grew up in Pennsylvania, and so, you know, I don't know if we're like running to the fish department in Pennsylvania.
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You're like, "Ooh, what can we eat?"
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So, it was kind of like Italian, but it was kind of bad Italian.
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Sorry to everyone in Pennsylvania.
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And so, but I've always loved carbs, and I was an athlete.
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So, I'm like, "When I get there, it was breakfast, lunch, dinner, pasta. Let's go. Dessert, pasta. Let's go." So, it was amazing.
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But, um, we went to the Amalfi Coast. That was beautiful.
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I just felt so fortunate to be there, and it was it was incredible. Yeah, I love that.
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Yeah, I I was genuinely living through your stories, and I was just like, "Oh, I want to go back. I want to go back."
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So, we're planning next year now. Amazing. Thank you.
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from the US felt like they were in Italy this summer. Like everyone I know.
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Every single person on my Instagram was in Italy.
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So I was like, okay, great. I'm going.
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This is the first year I won't have FOMO cuz I always see people in these places like Ibiza or, you know, Mykonos and I've never been any of those places.
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And I was like, this year I'm going to Italy and I'm doing it.
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And it was it was amazing.
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One of the things I love about you in person that I'm observing is that you're so warm.
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Like from the moment you walked in, so warm.
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Like, you know, I love it when I always when someone gets out their car and they they arrive at my home, the first thing I want to do is hug them.
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Then when I when I see that same energy, I'm like, this is awesome.
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But one of the things people observe about you online is that you're confident.
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You're very confident on the podcast.
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You're you're very confident in your stories, which is a beautiful quality.
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Was young Alex confident too?
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I know we heard we've heard about like you grew up in front of the camera with your father and like, you know, so was confidence always easy for you?
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And how is your journey with confidence involved? And the answer is no. Absolutely not.
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I It's actually been cuz the past year I've really started to get into this in therapy with my therapist.
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And I haven't really like I've I think I've mentioned it a couple times to the daddy gang, but I don't talk about it a lot cuz I'm still kind of going through it in therapy.
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When I was younger, I had a really hard time in school. Not grades-wise.
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You know, I was a solid B.
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Let's throw it out there.
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Maybe I tried a little harder, we could have gotten some A's, but I was severely bullied for my looks.
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I was super super skinny.
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People made said that like I looked like I had an eating disorder.
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I had awful awful acne to the point where like I would beg my parents to like let me stay home from school.
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And I was it was so bad and I turned inward a lot.
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Like I never wanted my parents to know that I was going through it cuz I was ashamed.
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It's embarrassing to not be able to connect with your peers and also to be I I physically bullied.
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Like the boys would be like, let's play a game. Her legs are so tiny.
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Like if we trip her, they will snap in half." And like it was awful.
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And I never really talked about it, but what got me through it actually was my dad works in sports and he's a producer.
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And I remember at like 7 years old, he handed me a camera and was like, "Go make something."
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And so my escape from really hate like I hated everything about myself.
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I hated my my skin, my face, my hair, my teeth, my body, my torso, my legs.
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Like I could pinpoint every single thing about myself that I hated and it was almost everything exterior-wise.
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But inside I knew I was a good person.
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I knew I was a good daughter.
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I knew I was a good friend, but I felt like it was all based on looks of why I was getting bullied.
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So, I turned to creating content.
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That's what I was my escape.
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And I would go in my basement and I would make music videos or I would write scripts and make like little short films or silent films and I would put on wigs and put on outfits and makeup and it was the first time that I truly felt safe.
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Like I could be fully myself.
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Meanwhile, I was fully alone.
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So, I'm like I'm like all weirdo in my basement, but it was that and soccer specifically.
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I played extremely competitive soccer and I realized why I got I felt so safe also and seen in soccer because it was all women. Can you score a goal? Like what are you doing?
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So, what are you bringing to the team, you know?
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So, I I don't talk about that a lot because it was actually interesting.
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I recently was interviewed by The New York Times and I don't do a lot of interviews. that piece.
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Um and it was in a follow-up conversation.
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We had like an hour and a half interview.
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The reporter asked to do a follow-up and somehow we got on the topic of my childhood.
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And he and I started talking and I shared with him that I had been bullied.
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And quite literally physically, his demeanor, his face like his jaw dropped and I could tell he was shocked.
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And everything that prior that hour and a half interview I first did with him kind of was shattered because he was like, wait, what? Like you were bullied?
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And I realized something that moment was like, the character I've created on Call Her Daddy, there's this dichotomy of for me, the girl that and then the girl I've created or the woman I've created in the show.
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But I think a lot of people have a hard time cuz everyone wants to put things in boxes understanding like there's no way Alex Cooper, the confident Call Her Daddy girl, could have also been bullied when she was younger.
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And what I've come to realize in therapy is actually that ugly, awkward, acne girl is who started Call Her Daddy.
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Because if I had not gone through that, there's no way I would have started Call Her Daddy.
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I remember reading um Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers and it was like you've got to have 10,000 hours to even be considered an expert.
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By eighth grade, I was considered an expert in editing.
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I was like obsessed with creating content.
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And so, that's kind of a little bit of my story where I definitely struggle sometimes to open up about it because I'm also aware on the internet sometimes people are like, you're lying, that's not true.
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And it's it's I think it's hard for me cuz it's still so raw.
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Like I still haven't even fully gone there in therapy that I don't talk about it a lot cuz I don't want to be dismissed or questioned over something that is so personal and still really hard for me to talk about, I guess. Yeah. Yeah.
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Well, I want to thank you for trusting us and and me and being vulnerable, but also talking about the complexity of vulnerability.
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I think we think we live at a time when if someone is vulnerable, that everyone's response will be like, "Oh, like, you know, or A, people think that's why you someone's doing it.
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B, if they don't think that, then they think you're just being vulnerable, sometimes it's complex to say, "Well, maybe it wasn't that hard as someone's making it out."
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And then there's a third where it's like, "Well, can we just listen to someone's experience and recognize that?"
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I think if all of us reflect, like, I just realized we have so much in common, which I had no idea.
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And if you looked at it from the outside, I don't think people would think we have much in common at all, which is partly why I love conversations like this because I'm like, these are the conversations that bring me to life.
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So, I was bullied for being overweight growing up.
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I was obese growing up, and so was my wife, actually.
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And so, separately, we didn't know each other at the time, but we were both bullied for being overweight.
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I was bullied for being Indian because there weren't many Indian kids in my school, and so the color of my skin and all the rest of it. I was bullied for that.
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And I wasn't the coolest kid in school.
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I was a straight-A student, so I was the opposite, and it was like, so and it was considered dorky to be smart where especially where I grew up.
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And so, I dealt with all of that, too.
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And so, when I'm hearing you say that I was beaten up at school regularly, my mom used to come defend me in school, like, that was really embarrassing, like, and even now when people are like, "No way, like," and I'm like, "No, that was my entire childhood."
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And for me, I turned to listening to Eminem and writing music.
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So, I did a lot of spoken word. I used to produce music.
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It's why I love word and language and and just the artistry of what you can do with words.
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And then when you said you played soccer, which I which I know, but I'm like, that is my first love.
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Like, if I could be anything in the world, it would be a professional soccer player, like, beyond everything.
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That is crazy to hear because I agree with you, and that is why I love podcasting and why I love your show, my show, is like, you really have no idea what one you can connect with someone on, empathize with someone on, or just like learn about them.
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And I feel like we've gotten to a point where we want to like discredit and call people out and it's it's scary to be open and vulnerable on the internet.
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And I think like almost my persona, there was parts of me that I had to like try to claw back what I started for Call Her Daddy cuz I was like, "Hold on.
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I need to also like there's other parts to me other than the salacious, wild, crazy."
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And I it it was a great transition for me, which I know we'll get to, but the bullying thing when you're that young and truly all that matters is peer acceptance. And you feel so alone. You hate yourself.
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And I realized recently like, I know my persona is one thing and I that's why I always struggle with this.
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I'm like, "Ooh, I got to like ease my listeners into like me talking about this cuz it's a complete different side of myself."
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But we all have that, right?
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We all have those things.
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Like I remember the first time I shared this with my mother was when I was 21 years old in a cab that I had been bullied.
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And I told her, "Mom, in high school I used to put on three pairs of leggings, tape it to my leg, and then put on my school pants just to hope that everyone would think my legs were bigger." Wow.
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And by the time I would have soccer practice after school, my like my joints were in so much pain from sitting in class.
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And I told my mom this quite literally as we're pulling up to Penn Station.
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She was getting out and I was going to keep going.
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I told her this as she's getting out of the cab and she's like, "Alex, like what?"
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And it was my defense mechanism of like, I don't really want to talk about it, but I need to let my mom know what I was going through.
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When I look back, thank god I had My father has been the most supportive person in my life with my career.
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And I'm so grateful for that.
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Like he any moment I needed anything, he was like, "Let's go find you.
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I want to make a green screen in the basement."
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And he's like, "Let's go to Joanne Fabrics." Like here we go. Let's go to Home Depot. Like let's go lights.
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Like it was I was so fortunate to be raised by people who support me.
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But I also realized I had these like people-pleasing tendencies because and I still catch myself doing it in media.
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Like, I just want to be liked because of my childhood, because of feeling left out. And it's hard.
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And I think comparison, like my best friend was the beautiful doll baby perfect girl that I wanted to be.
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And it's like there's so many remedies I tried to look up um on Google when I was younger of like how to the how to like fix your skin and how to make your legs look better bigger and is there a procedure?
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And it was like, I just can't believe how much I hated myself.
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But, I truly don't believe I would be sitting here if I hadn't gone through that because I think that's the thing like you just said.
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You had no idea what I went through, right?
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Why I feel like I am half decent at my job is when I sit down with people there is this empathetic side to me that yeah, maybe I don't need to talk about cuz I don't think I need to prove anything to anyone as to why I am a good friend, why I am a good daughter, and partner.
16:21
But like, it really does come from Yeah.
16:24
feeling so alone and isolated and hating yourself that in those moments when I'm in my basement making and creating, I had to find a way to love myself because I found like this journal of mine when I was younger. Oh my god, it's so sad.
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And it was like really dark thoughts of like what if I did this?
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Would then the kids would feel so awful. And it's like, "Whoa."
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I was really alone when I was younger.
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And I I never talked about it.
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And I had a friend recently that shared similar thoughts with me. We were best friends.
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And I had no idea what she was going through.
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And she had no idea what I was going through.
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So it's it's just like a a reminder of like we really don't know.
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And I know that's such an oversaid thing, but you have no idea what people are going through.
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And um I think especially with social media, we can make judgments, especially snap judgments.
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You see a headline, you see a picture.
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But like, we have no idea what people are going through. Yeah, absolutely.
17:16
I couldn't agree with you more and I love the point that you're making that and I think everyone has it through some way, whether it was your parents, whether it was your friends, whether it was your peers, there was someone who made you feel less than in your childhood, inadequate, incomplete.
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And now we're all in our creative endeavors seeking that completion through whatever role, character, whatever it may be.
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And I think people forget that half the time the most successful people who do the most incredible things did them because they had this huge gap and hole to fill and the world needed to fill that hole and gap Absolutely.
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only then to realize that that doesn't work either to then have to go the other way, but sorry, you're going to say something. No, I I agree with you.
18:01
It's like there's there's a reason I'm so passionate and interested in what I'm doing.
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It's because like I love connecting with people.
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I love learning about people because I know that the dichotomy of Call Her Daddy girl versed ugly awkward acne girl, it's like you you don't expect it and you don't really understand it until I fully explain it, which I know I haven't explained yet, but it's it's when I sit down with people you I love learning about people cuz we're all going through such similar things.
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It may look different, it may feel a little bit different, but depression, anxiety, um happiness, love, joy, whatever emotion, like we are all human beings.
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And we we genuinely actually all can connect.
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We every single person can connect on at least one thing in the world.
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And so I feel like we've kind of lost that along the way and I I hope I think with shows like ours, like I hope it brings a little bit of that authentic nature back because we're looking past like what could be inside of someone, we're just looking on the surface level and that to me is a nightmare because when I was younger, I didn't want anyone to just take me by my looks because then I wouldn't be given the time of day.
19:10
Yeah, it's incredible to hear that.
19:12
I was literally having the same conversation.
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I was with one of my clients this morning.
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And we were talking about this, and he was saying how unrelatable his life has become now through his success and everything that he's gone through.
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And I looked at him and I I was talking to him and I said to him that, you know, I'll be honest with you that whether someone's rich or not, famous or not, if someone goes through a breakup, a breakup hurts the same because none of the other stuff is medicine, like none of the other stuff is the cure.
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So, whether you have fame and status and wealth or whether you don't, if you go through a breakup, if you lose a parent, if you lost your job, like or you missed out on an opportunity, there is a similar amount of experience, human pain that you go through.
19:57
And I think what you're saying is really interesting though, like I think you're talking about that time.
20:03
People always often ask like, "Oh, what advice would you give to your younger self?"
20:05
With you, I'm more interested in like, what do you think your younger self would say to you now?
20:09
Like if that acne girl like saw you now as you described her, what would she say? What would she think?
20:16
If younger me only knew like Alex, you're you're going to make it.
20:20
You're going to like your dreams are going to come true.
20:22
Like you're going to get out of this.
20:25
Um I remember one of the boys I went to middle school with that bullied me ended up going to my college.
20:28
And at that point I had a little glow up, KJ.
20:30
And he was like trying to hit on me and and giving me all this attention and it it only made me just feel actually awful cuz I was like, "I'm the same person.
20:45
I'm the same exact person if if not like more grown and obviously experienced and have a little bit more of a higher IQ at this point in my life, but I'm the same person to my core and you're only treating me differently because I got a prescription for Accutane, got some hair dye, got my braces off, put on some muscle cuz I'm playing soccer."
21:03
Like it's quite literally just the physicals as to why you're you're acting differently towards me.
21:08
I think my younger self would look at my older self and would not even believe it, probably.
21:17
I actually was thinking like what would I say to someone that's younger and going through this?
21:21
And it's like there's nothing of like walk into school that day and stand up for yourself.
21:25
It's actually like find yourself in your alone moments because you're all you have, truly.
21:32
And so trying to get peer approval, sure it may make the moment a little bit easier, but like these people don't actually matter.
21:40
They matter to me to my core of who they've made me, their impact on my my childhood and making me hate myself.
21:49
Like it's so crazy, I always think about before I would say about before like fifth or sixth grade we're so innocent.
21:55
You have no almost concept of even what you truly look like or or your peer dynamic or oh boys are looking at me and I don't have boobs yet and my friend does and so they're I'm not on their top five.
22:06
And I know it sounds so, you know, just dumb and but it's so means so much when you're that young.
22:12
So I look back and it's like those years where you start especially to be judged for what you look like when we're actually just trying to figure out inside who we are, it's so problematic.
22:24
I definitely think that it affected me of what I I put then I did put emphasis on my looks.
22:30
I can talk about that in therapy now, like hating every single thing about myself, of course.
22:36
I was like, I want to go bleach my hair.
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I want to be the girl that I saw on the magazines.
22:40
And then I did all of that.
22:42
And I even look back at pictures of myself when I took it way too far, but it was all just for me to try to feel like the women that I thought had it all because of they looked a certain way.
22:54
I guess I would just tell my also I would tell my son younger self like keep going down in that basement. It sounds creepy.
23:00
Guys, my basement was like finished, don't worry.
23:02
And leaning into your craft because in the darkest of moments, creating content actually formed who I am and gave me the strength to keep going.
23:13
And it made me a full, whole individual in my own right.
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And when I was getting bullied and when I was going through those hard times, realizing I'm going to turn my passion into my purpose, that's all I needed to be like, "Okay, let's keep going."
23:32
So, it would I was really fortunate to find that at a young age, but I think a lot of people do.
23:35
When you're at a young age and you are going through something so hard, you find that outlet, right?
23:40
And everyone has that one thing that they're like, "I love this."
23:42
And I'm I'm just fortunate enough to have made that into my career.
23:45
Alex, I love listening to you.
23:48
Like, I am just so happy right now because I'm like what what I we're hearing.
23:52
And I love what you said earlier that you're in therapy right now.
23:55
You're working through this.
23:56
And so, you haven't shared so much of this, but I'm just hearing so much coherence and so much clarity.
24:01
And it's so beautiful like hearing someone who's gone through so much pain, so much stress.
24:06
And yes, externally there's the success, but then to hear the what's happening internally.
24:10
And you've just reminded me of a moment of my life.
24:13
I'm just I remember being at the final year of elementary school or primary school as we call it in London.
24:19
And there was one girl that everyone fancied in class.
24:26
And I I fancied her, too.
24:26
Like, she was the cutest girl in school.
24:28
We were like 11 years old.
24:29
So, whatever cute means at 11.
24:31
I think it was the first time I'd ever like liked a girl in like in that way.
24:36
I come late to school one day.
24:36
And everyone's looking at me weird.
24:39
Like, everyone's really looking at me really strange. And everyone's laughing.
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And some of the girls are in the corner like laughing and pointing.
24:45
And I'm thinking, "What what happened?
24:47
Like, what did I miss out on?"
24:48
I can't remember why I was late.
24:50
Maybe doctor's appointment or whatever.
24:52
Then I found out that all the guys who equally fancied this girl had told the girls that I fancied her.
25:02
So no anyone else knew apart from just me and I was considered the ugliest fattest kid in school.
25:08
And so now she knew this, all her friends were laughing and then the rest of that day they all stood I used to be a goalkeeper because I wasn't very athletic at the time.
25:20
I used to be a goal and goalkeepers are very athletic so no no offense to goalkeepers. At least at that time.
25:24
When you're a kid in school It's okay Jay.
25:27
Yeah I'm just like yeah you you know what it We got to clarify Just be clear. Just be clear.
25:32
I think goalkeepers are very David De Gea all the way.
25:34
I I mean goal and all the girls are standing behind the goal and they're just like they're like Jay you can never get her.
25:41
I can't believe you thought it.
25:42
She's out of your league and then literally the whole day throughout the playground like every time we're playing football soccer they're just behind the goal like making fun of me.
25:51
fun of me. And it's such a like No it makes me and then It makes me honestly cuz I think it's it's interesting I even watch you we can smile through it now but like it honestly makes me want to cry when I think about it cuz even hearing that like I can picture that happening to you cuz I it happened to me and it it's so traumatizing when that happens to you
26:16
and you literally are just fighting back tears and you're like just get through it just get through it and all you want to do is go home and it makes you hate interacting it makes nervous you get really like clamped up and it's it's awful like I remember when I was in um uh middle school also like my teachers I went to Catholic school and I just like never thought I belonged in Pennsylvania. I was like what am I
26:38
I was like what am I doing here?
26:40
Like I just it I knew I wanted to do something that was definitely like big but I also knew this is a very conservative town and we were shamed for anything regarding anything because it's Catholic.
26:55
And I remember we weren't allowed to wear makeup.
26:57
And I was breaking out so bad.
26:59
Like it was so awful this week.
27:04
And it was finals, so I couldn't skip school.
27:05
Like I would beg my mom to let me skip school, and she, thank God to my mother, would see when I was really struggling and be like, "Okay, you can stay home."
27:13
I put a tiny bit of concealer over some of my acne because I would sit next to this kid that was like the coolest kid in school, and he I would always be so upset cuz he got to see that side of my face.
27:24
And in front of the entire class, my teacher, uh want to call her out, Mrs. G, I'll just say, okay? I'm like getting there.
27:32
Um she comes over to the entire class and looks at me and goes, "Alex, you're wearing face makeup.
27:36
Go to the bathroom and wash it off."
27:39
She escorted me into the bathroom, made me rub my skin raw in a school bathroom, no soap, just water, scrubbing it off.
27:47
My face was so red, and I remember just being like, "Can I Can I go to the bathroom?"
27:53
She's like, "No, get back to class."
27:53
And I just trying to hold back tears, and my entire face was inflamed.
27:58
And I was like, "So now I'm not even experiencing bullying from kids."
28:02
Like this is like, "How does this teacher not know?"
28:04
And she has kids, so it was like It was a lot, but I will say it made me who I am today.
28:10
I look back and I'm like, had I not gone through all of that, like I said earlier, I know who I am now. I didn't back then.
28:19
I was trying to figure it out, but I know who I am now, and I know my morals and my values, and I know that a lot of that stems from the pain that I went through, and I am a very empathetic person.
28:32
Um maybe I don't show that a lot on my show, but but I I think it's it's all relative.
28:37
I'm like, "Oh, if I could go back, would I redo it?" No.
28:39
Maybe I would have wished I told my parents a little bit more.
28:43
Um but still, I think it made me really turn inward and that created a different level of strength and self-reliance that like I can't even put into words.
28:53
So That is such a powerful point.
28:55
I mean, you've made so many amazing points that I'm going to be drawing together for our listeners at the end, but like that is such a powerful point that I think And and I don't want to tell people to go either way, but there's a different strength that comes from going inward than than the strength that's required from asking other people for help.
29:16
And both strengths are important.
29:18
Like going out and knowing to ask your mom or your dad or your best friend for help is extremely important, but knowing how to go and ask yourself for help internally is equally important.
29:27
I think that is such a beautiful point.
29:29
I've never heard it been put that way.
29:30
And and I love that idea of because I feel the same way.
29:32
I felt so isolated and alone.
29:35
And even today when I feel that way sometimes, but now it's become solitude.
29:40
It's become a strength because I've got used to depending on myself.
29:44
And and I know what that feels like when I'm like, "I'm all I have."
29:48
And I know what that feels like, so now it doesn't scare me.
29:51
Whereas at 12 or 13 or 14, it it really did.
29:55
I think one of the things we're talking about is an evolution in identity and awareness.
30:02
And this has been something that I've struggled with as things have become more public as well because So I went from being that kid that was bullied to being fairly in with the cool kids in high school to then going to college and being a budding spiritualist.
30:19
Like my my college life, if anyone met me at college, they'd be like, "Jay was like nice and loving and spiritual and and mindful and all these things that I was practicing."
30:29
If you spoke to my high school friends, they'd be like, "Jay was a party animal. He drank too much. He was crazy.
30:34
Like he was the class clown.
30:36
Like he tormented teachers."
30:36
Like that was my reputation.
30:38
And so you get this complete dichotomy and I feel like every transition my external life took, I saw it as an opportunity to become who I wanted to be.
30:48
So as I left high school, I wanted to become this mindful thoughtful individual and that's what I was at college and then went off to be a monk which was a whole different external identity.
30:57
Left that and now obviously doing all of this for the past few years.
31:00
And and so many more in between but the point is that I've given myself permission to accept that I am the same and different person all at the same time. So beautiful. Right?
31:13
Like and I've given myself that permission even when other people haven't. Mhm.
31:19
And I feel like I'm constantly going through that where I did used to be a monk. I'm not now. I'm married. I have a home. I have businesses. I have money.
31:25
Like so life has changed.
31:27
But there are parts of being a monk that are still me. I they're still there.
31:31
I still think like a monk and there's parts of my lifestyle that are still like a monk.
31:35
There's parts that are not.
31:36
So coming back to you, you've also been on an evolution of identities.
31:41
We've just talked about a very clear one.
31:44
You then have the beginning of the podcast which is very well documented. It's all there.
31:48
I I don't want to dive into it and that part of the journey's there and then now it becomes another label where it's like Spotify 60 like it just it becomes so like diluted to a number and a brand. Mhm.
32:01
Uh and you can go wherever you want to go with this but the question I'm asking is what has been the hardest part of that evolution for you to where you are now and what do you think people misinterpret about that evolution?
32:12
It is difficult because I feel especially as a woman in the industry I have to tiptoe on not being overly confident.
32:23
Like I think women can all feel it.
32:26
Don't be too much of this.
32:27
Always veer on the side of just be quiet.
32:30
Well, I've got a podcast and that's a little bit difficult, right?
32:32
So I I definitely have struggled with the person and who I've become is confident and I want to embody this confident and determined badass CEO running my life that any woman could do what I'm doing, right?
32:53
In whatever aspect they want to do it in their life, in whatever their passion is.
32:59
But it is difficult when then I walk into board meetings or meetings with these men that and I'm like I'm I'm telling you what I want and I feel like if a man was sitting here, it would be a very different conversation.
33:10
If anything, he'd be going light.
33:11
And so I've struggled with why am I always called the female Joe Rogan?
33:18
Does anyone compare say, oh, Joe Rogan's the male Alex Cooper? No.
33:22
We have similar numbers, we've really loyal audiences, we both are with Spotify.
33:29
Like and I know shade to Joe.
33:29
I'm actually just saying it's frustrating that it is a disqualifier.
33:33
It's it's putting me comparing me It's not even comparing me.
33:38
They're just saying like, oh, she's basically him, but like as a woman.
33:42
I don't want to be compared to anyone and I don't It's been hard for me to do it in a way that yeah, I'm not coming off as like angry and mad and I think there has been times where I feel like I can't be all in business mode at times as I want to be because I'm as a woman going to be labeled.
34:04
And it's like, no, I actually just know what I want and I'm a boss and I am running a huge company and I have so much going on and I don't want to waste anyone's time and I know what I want. What a concept.
34:14
So I think it I think that is something that people have misinterpreted also on the internet of like, oh, she comes off so like I don't know if I don't even know if it's aggressive.
34:26
Like I think as a woman especially even if I don't know what I want, pretend I know what I want because we're at a time where as we've seen in the world, we are not equal to men.
34:33
We don't have autonomy over our bodies.
34:36
And so it for me using my platform right now to be like, let me be the boldest I can be even if people are a little taken aback, it I hope it just helps other women be like, I'm going to go in today and advocate for myself to my boss.
34:51
Or I'm going to stand up to that cuz it's like it we're getting nowhere if we don't keep shoving it forward a little bit.
34:58
And I I've gotten at times a little nervous and I'm like, I could just sit and do my interviews and stay quiet.
35:03
But that's never who I've been.
35:06
I've always had an opinion. I'm a Leo, okay? I know what I want.
35:10
Um but it is hard cuz it's it's like a I think there's a lot of people that are a little skeptical of a really and I hate when people say loud. Am I talking that loud? No.
35:23
People like, she's so loud.
35:25
I'm like, am I loud or am I just speaking about something that maybe you don't want to hear because you don't like change. And we need change.
35:30
So that's something that I'm currently working on in therapy.
35:35
I don't think I've I've ever done this but I'm about to clap on the podcast.
35:38
I don't think I've ever done this but any Now I'm just going to clap.
35:42
I'm going to take a moment to clap.
35:43
And there should be more people clapping. Hello. Join in.
35:47
I need some more Come on, homie. There we go. Oh my god.
35:48
Like that time No, I I and I'm and I've genuinely never We've never done that on the podcast ever.
35:54
Like this is the only time, the first time that we've done that. I'm honored. Uh I really mean that.
35:58
Everything you just said is like it's so true.
36:00
I'm totally aligned with you.
36:02
I can only look at it from the perspective that I grew up with a powerhouse mom who uh worked, cooked, raised me and my younger sister, provided for us both when my dad was figuring his life out.
36:16
Um my mom was the breadwinner in the house.
36:19
She was the one who helped me with my homework.
36:21
She taught me how to shave.
36:23
Like like like that's literally who my mom was in my life.
36:27
And so, I grew up seeing the most powerful woman in the world, in my opinion, as a young boy.
36:31
And like, my mom would take me to all her meetings at night, whatever whatever needed to happen.
36:36
And then, I was kind of like an older like a father figure to my younger sister.
36:40
And so, I've seen it in her, too.
36:42
And I've seen like the stuff she's gone through at work and wherever may be.
36:46
So, I can only empathize from that perspective. Yeah.
36:50
But, when I'm listening to you speak, I'm just like it's sad that we're still there.
36:54
Like, it it it just pains me.
36:56
I'm like, "How can we still be there?
36:58
And how can we still be stuck there?"
37:03
And I I want to dive into the the gender part with you, because I do think it's it's important that we talk about it here.
37:09
I deal with that in a different way.
37:09
And I've never talked about this, either.
37:13
But, I I feel like we're both in Yeah, we're vibing. Yeah, yeah.
37:16
And it's also like, I feel understood with you.
37:17
And I also know that you're because you interview and you do such an exceptional job with it.
37:22
It's like, I feel like I'm getting to like open up my heart to you. each other.
37:27
I'm like, opening up my heart to you.
37:28
But, no, I I mean in the sense of so, I often get perceived as like, "Well, Jay, you're a monk and you're mindful.
37:32
So, you're not allowed to be driven and ambitious."
37:36
So, if I have goals in a business meeting or a PR meeting or a whatever it may be, it's like, "Oh, but Jay, how like, you shouldn't have goals, right?"
37:45
I'm like, Wait, wait a minute. I be both? Yeah, can I not be both?
37:48
Am I not allowed to be both?
37:49
Like, and so, people are constantly like, "But, Jay, like you And And it's like, if if we reach for something and I've, you know, I come from a background of I was straight A's.
37:57
I I worked in the corporate world. I'm highly organized. I'm a high performer.
38:00
It comes naturally to me. And that's me.
38:02
And then, I was a monk and I have the the meditative side.
38:06
And I meditate for 2 hours a day, and I wake up early and take cold showers and all that kind of stuff.
38:09
But, it's like, to me, I've tried to put both together to create this real world, because neither one makes me happy without the other.
38:18
So, I get the perception of, "Well, Jay, how can you be mindful and driven?
38:22
How can you be ambitious and meditate?
38:25
How can you And I'm like, but that's what we should be encouraging people to be.
38:29
Like I feel like it's because we have gotten so comfortable putting things in boxes.
38:35
And I love that you're saying that because it reminds me this is I think such a relatable topic.
38:38
Take me and my deal and my podcast and being a public figure out of it.
38:44
You mentioned something about how you had these different stages of your life.
38:47
And I feel like it's so normal and healthy, honestly, to progress and almost be different people of your versions of yourself and try things out.
38:55
I remember in high school when I was a little bit more now secure with my looks, okay? And I was now the jock.
39:02
I was on the soccer team. I was a freshman.
39:05
I was thriving with my soccer girls.
39:07
They were like big on campus.
39:10
And I was still obsessed with making content, right?
39:14
I was so embarrassed that I was in the video production class because people my video production professor, God bless him, he's was I guess people would consider like a little nerdy and a little too techy.
39:25
And I was like, I am so honored to be his student and teach like have him teach me.
39:31
He would we would watch movies after class and like not in a creepy way.
39:35
But he was educating me on film and before me too, we would watch Alfred Hitchcock.
39:39
I remember the first time he showed me Psycho.
39:42
And so I was learning, but I lied to my peers because so my mom I convinced my mom, please can we go in and talk to the Dean of Students?
39:50
I want to do video production for all four years as my elective.
39:55
I never took health, which is interesting.
39:56
Never learned about sex education, okay? So interesting.
39:57
Um but I remember people being like, why are you in that video production class for all four years? This is so weird.
40:05
And I was embarrassed and I lied and I was like, I don't know.
40:09
Like they think I'm good at it. So like uh whatever.
40:10
I don't have to take health at least. Like whatever. I downplayed it. I was so passionate.
40:16
I loved it more than soccer.
40:19
It was my literally my existence.
40:19
It felt like that is why I'm here.
40:21
This is what I'm meant to do.
40:23
But I was so embarrassed because I couldn't be a jock and also a tech girl like a tech geek or whatever they would call me.
40:33
And so I tried to hide that part of myself.
40:36
And I feel like a lot of people do that.
40:38
Even hearing you say that.
40:39
Like why can't you be mindful and also determined?
40:42
And it's like I actually think that is the such a beautiful human being when you can combine all the different parts of yourself to all be in a somewhat cohesive working situation.
40:52
It's It works so much better for your mental health.
40:57
We shouldn't all just be narrow-minded.
40:59
We shouldn't just have one thing that we're focused on.
41:01
Are you Do you have a relationship? Are you a good friend?
41:05
You don't act like you're to your romantic partner like you do to your friend.
41:09
What about Are you a good son, a daughter?
41:11
Like it all is in the scheme of being humans.
41:14
We have to have multi-dimensional parts of ourselves.
41:18
But something about being in a box.
41:20
It doesn't work, Jay, if you're both of those.
41:23
Because it can't be true. Well, why not?
41:24
And I think just talking about it, anyone listening, you should not veer away from a passion cuz it doesn't align with something other publicly that you're doing cuz it's like almost a contradiction. I love a contradiction.
41:38
I That is what I do on my show.
41:40
They're like, "Well, you said this last week."
41:41
I changed my mind this week.
41:44
And not in like a Okay, Alex, well, we can't believe anything you say, but things change and things shift.
41:47
But we have to be cognizant of how we're embracing different parts of ourself.
41:54
Because if we try to not do that and just stay in one lane, we're not going to grow.
41:57
We're not going to be happy with ourselves.
41:58
And we're just going to be appeasing the people around us instead of What do we want?
42:00
I appreciate you sharing that cuz I think it's a really relatable thing of like how can I be both?
42:07
Of course you can be both.
42:07
It's just society has made us feel like, "Well, you're a poser. You can't be both. Which one isn't as true? They're both true. I'm about to clap again.
42:18
This is just like this is this is this is this is all these are all these are all these are all TED Talks.
42:22
Like it's just one after the other after the other. I'm like No, no, no. No, you're inspiring me.
42:29
No, I'm just I I hope it's okay.
42:29
Like I don't know I'm I'm opening up because I just feel like the stuff we're talking about is is relatable in different ways, right?
42:37
Like I don't know what it feels like to be a woman in the industry. I never will.
42:40
I will never be able to be like, I get that.
42:41
I totally know what you mean.
42:43
But I I get what I'm feeling in the same expression of sometimes I feel told to be quiet.
42:50
Sometimes I feel told to be like, well, Jay, you shouldn't have that desire.
42:54
Like I'm told to like calm down sometimes uh not because I'm aggressive in any way, but in the sense of just because I'm a driven ambitious person.
43:02
So, going back to what you were saying earlier, there's a part of it where it sounds like especially and I love what you said.
43:11
Like it's not about it's not about what Joe's doing.
43:13
It's not about what anyone's doing.
43:14
It's just why does everything have to be a comparison?
43:18
And that then starts to be a respect issue, right?
43:20
It starts to be an issue in like are we giving enough respect to what you've achieved and what you've built in the same way as are we giving respect to anyone else for what they've achieved and what they've built?
43:32
What has been your relationship like with respect?
43:37
It's hard because there's a couple dimensions to it, right?
43:39
My listeners quite literally and I know this sounds corny, but like truly feel like an extension of myself.
43:47
Like we have an understanding.
43:50
We have talked about the most deep, in-depth, maybe taboo topics, uncomfortable topics.
43:56
And I'm when I meet the Daddy Gang, shout out everyone listening to Daddy Gang.
44:01
When I meet the Daddy Gang out in person, I always joke because whenever I'm with anyone, they come up to me and they're like, "Oh my god, Alex."
44:08
I'm like, "Hi, what's up?"
44:10
And they're like, "Okay." And they start talking.
44:12
And the person that's with me, that's my friend or my parent or whatever, they're like, "Oh, who is that?
44:16
From college or high school?"
44:16
I'm like, "No, that's Daddy Gang."
44:17
They're like, "Wait, how did Wait, you guys just started talking about her break Like, what?"
44:22
We have this understanding of like, if you listen to Call Her Daddy, and I'm sure you have that with your audience, like you build such a rapport.
44:29
The respect I have for the Daddy Gang and my listeners and people that give me a chance, it is so mutual and it is so beautiful.
44:37
And I I can't still to this day believe what has been built of Call Her Daddy and the Daddy Gang and my relationship with them and theirs with me.
44:47
I think where it becomes a little bit of a struggle is in the beginning of Call Her Daddy, it was this beautiful storm, right?
44:54
A female-led podcast working at Barstool Sports, which people are like, "Oh, is that a misogynistic company?"
45:04
It was like actually the perfect storm of like, "Oh, I'm a woman and I'm going to have the biggest show at Barstool Sports. Watch me dance, okay?"
45:12
And it was like this really cool challenge.
45:17
But I think because of the nature of the content at the beginning of Call Her Daddy, it it's difficult because I am in no way, shape, or form I wouldn't change one thing about the beginning of that show.
45:28
It was so provocative and in your face, and women needed it at the time.
45:35
It was like, "Oh, instead of Cuz I think the feminist movement has had many different forms, right?
45:40
It continues to change and evolve."
45:42
And at that point, as someone who had just graduated college, I was Everyone can be a feminist, right?
45:46
And you can have a different version of how you associate it with it.
45:50
But as long as you believe in the equality of the sexes, boom, okay.
45:53
And you respect women, great.
45:55
But for me, it was like, "If men can say it to us, let's say it right back."
46:01
And they're not going to like it, and it's going to be really uncomfortable, but let's go for it.
46:04
And I think a lot of people loved it.
46:06
No, I know a lot of people loved it.
46:08
The show blew up, and it was controversial, and it was amazing.
46:10
My struggle was being so proud of what I built, but also we just talked about that box of like but I kind of want to talk about other stuff, too. Yeah.
46:21
And I felt like I got pigeonholed into this like, that's the girl that talks about sex and dating.
46:25
And it was really difficult for me to respect and acknowledge what had been built, and and it was it is like brilliant what Call Her Daddy original days was.
46:40
But I also now I'm 28, and I started it at 22, 23.
46:42
I don't want to be the same person I was at 22. I'm not.
46:45
I have a different outlook on life.
46:47
I have a greater interest in what's happening in the world, um, in making a difference. Are you kidding me?
46:55
At 22, I was like, let's drink, let's talk about sex, and let's have fun.
46:58
And that was so And that's what you should be doing right at that age. yeah.
47:02
But now as I've tried to transition the show, not because and I want to clarify, no one has told me to do this.
47:08
I made the decision because two things happened.
47:11
In the pandemic, I think when you talk about something like sex and people are so freaked out by that concept and and a little nervous to I remember back in the day engage with the brand because it was like, oh, they're talking about sex.
47:27
That is one of the most intimate topics that you can really talk about.
47:31
And a universally inclusive topic, right?
47:33
We all think about it in some capacity, right?
47:39
I felt like if I can talk that deeply and that openly and that vulnerably on this platform to millions of people.
47:47
Still in therapy about that.
47:48
Why was I so okay doing that?
47:48
We're working on it, okay?
47:49
But the point is is if I can do that, my audience was ready when the pandemic hit.
47:56
We need you to talk about some other stuff cuz none of us are enjoying our sex life right now, but we trust you enough, Alex.
48:04
Let's have deeper conversations."
48:05
And that is when I began talking about mental health.
48:07
And that is when I opened up and acknowledged I'm in therapy.
48:11
And the stigma around therapy to I know a lot of people is what's wrong with you.
48:16
My mother is a psychologist.
48:17
I grew up where mental health was the number one prerequisite in the house of how's your mental health, what's going on in your head, where are you at?
48:26
So, I think that transition for Call Her Daddy for me felt so organic.
48:31
It was like, of course we got to talk about more stuff.
48:33
It's like, eventually you graduate from high school, you got to go to college.
48:36
Or algebra one, we go to algebra two.
48:38
Like, Call Her Daddy is cemented as one of the best sex and relationship podcast. There's 80 episodes. It is fire.
48:44
You can learn some amazing tricks of the trade, okay? But, what's next?
48:48
And I could feel my audience ready for something new, and I was ready for something new.
48:53
I wanted to explore other topics.
48:55
Not that I'm not going to continue to talk about those things.
48:58
And that I think was a difficult transition that some people that don't want change. Not my audience.
49:05
My audience not only stayed with me, but then grew cuz people are like, "Oh, we're we're spicing up a little bit. There's more topics.
49:10
There's more conversations, just not about sex."
49:11
But, I saw people that didn't like the show in the beginning.
49:17
They're like, "Nope, you're still the sex girl.
49:18
You cannot be talking about mental health and talking about sex.
49:22
You can't tell me you're talking about sex in a deep deep conversation that has to do with mental health.
49:28
Or you're not getting deep enough because well, no pun intended.
49:31
But, um but when I talk about that, it's like, what we're going through in the world right now with sexual identity and fluidity and trying to understand I I mean, it's so beautiful now that we've started to embrace the concept of non-binary.
49:45
And it's like letting people do what they feel comfortable doing. That is mental health. And that is sex, right?
49:54
So, I think the struggle of respect has been people not loving me venturing out and straying away from what initially was the bread and butter of Call Her Daddy.
50:04
And I have been an athlete my whole life, Jay. I love a challenge.
50:11
When someone tells me I can't do something, and but I will not lie, it has been so hard.
50:15
Like, trying to stay true to myself, authentic to the content, but also knowing and cognizant of the fact that there are people that are like, "She's still sex. She It's just sex."
50:28
And I'm like, I What What?
50:31
And so, it it's a difficult balance, but I've tried to just block out the noise, not read as many of the comments.
50:37
And now, I think through the the new kind of version of the show, it's so cool that I've taken on these interviews.
50:43
And kind of like going back to what we kind of said in the beginning, I'm having on these celebrity guests that everyone's like, "Oh, you're going to have on celebrities now?"
50:51
But the point was, and it goes back to what we were saying earlier, I love this challenge of like, "You're going to leave, and you will relate to Demi Lovato.
51:01
You will relate to Miley Cyrus.
51:03
You will relate to Chelsea Handler."
51:05
Like, the these people that are coming on that seem so their life is so unattainable.
51:09
No, we can relate to them.
51:11
And I've been fortunate that this new format, and I think through my therapy journey, and just because I know myself, and I am a warm person, I am so interested in people's lives.
51:23
I want to understand people better. It makes me better.
51:24
It makes my audience better.
51:27
Almost every single time a guest leaves Call Her Daddy, they say, "Wow.
51:35
I have never felt so comfortable in an interview, and I've never opened up as much as I did in this interview."
51:42
And I take pride in that, because I put a a of effort into making people feel comfortable.
51:47
because when you're talking about really really intense topics like we're talking about today you need to be open-minded.
51:51
You need to come into it unbiased and you need to provide a space where it's like you're safe.
51:57
Let's have a conversation and no judgement and I think a lot of these celebrities feel Listen, they have so they have There is no denying.
52:05
We're not saying they don't have privilege and they don't have so many resources we don't have but it's trying to humanize and I think in a cool way my listeners have loved the new kind of version of Call Her Daddy.
52:20
And then I guess this is the last part of also I don't plan.
52:21
There's one day that it's not like I need an episode like this one day and then this It's every week I walk in and I'm like I think I know who I want to interview because it feels right and I read all the DMs from the Daddy Gang and I'm I still have all my social media accounts.
52:37
No one runs the Call Her Daddy account or my account and I just read all these DMs of someone struggling with a narcissistic parent and immediately I'm like let's get Dr. Romani on. Let's have her come on.
52:47
Let's talk about how to survive a narcissistic relationship. Like it ebbs and flows.
52:52
I it's I would love to be like I have this perfect structure.
52:56
I am eyeballing it cuz I also am a consumer and I'm like what am I interested in cuz I'm so I love being in tune with my audience that I'm able to be like I know what they want cuz I want it too.
53:05
It's an ebbing and flowing relationship with respect.
53:09
There's always going to be haters.
53:10
There's always going to be people that want me to fail but I do think specifically this last year I've come really into my own of like I want to make amazing content for the people that want to listen and if you don't want to listen you don't have to listen but I always do say give it chance cuz you will be surprised at the new Call Her Daddy.
53:24
It's different and I'm really proud of it cuz I put a lot of work into it. And you should be.
53:28
I I personally am a fan and I've I've loved the evolution of it.
53:33
I've I've watched a ton of the interviews.
53:35
I mean for me I couldn't agree with you more that whoever sits in front of me whether they're a celebrity, whether they're not, whether they're a scientist, a doctor, or a host, or you know, whatever they may be, like I just want to create exactly what you said.
53:50
Like we're so aligned on that.
53:52
Like create a safe space where people can feel they can be themselves, and they're not being forced to be someone, and they're not being forced to be the one version that we see.
54:02
But, I think what I really took away from what you're saying is that even though you're right I I know what you're saying that there's no weekly structure.
54:08
It's not like you're trying to figure out like, oh, we're going to do this and that.
54:12
Actually, when you hear you explain when I just heard you explain how sex and mental health are so interconnected that is very coherent.
54:21
And that's very cohesive.
54:24
So, even if there isn't a plan every week of who you're talking to all that kind of stuff, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah.
54:30
And it's like no one would ever know that or think about that.
54:32
And this is what I think. We think so shallow now. Right?
54:36
Like everything's a shallow thought.
54:37
And when I say shallow, I don't mean the subject matter.
54:39
I mean how deeply we consider an idea.
54:45
Alex has changed what she talks about on her podcast slightly. Right?
54:47
She's still She's still uh doing the sex podcast.
54:52
She's still talking about those things, but she's also talking about mental health and therapy and whatever she wants to talk about.
54:56
That's a shallow thought.
54:58
Oh, she's just Spotify's told her to do that.
55:00
She can't talk about sex anymore because whatever. Right?
55:02
Like whatever whatever it is.
55:03
I don't know what it I'm literally making stuff up.
55:06
But, then when you take that thought deeper, you go, "Okay, wait.
55:07
When I actually listen to Alex explain it, she's like, I should be willing to talk about mental health and sex because they're so interconnected.
55:14
I should be able to talk about mental health and anything in my life because it's so interconnected."
55:18
And I I feel it I just love that description.
55:22
Like I'm just holding on to that.
55:24
That's my biggest takeaway from what you said because I think it's unhealthy mentally, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically for us to think that any subject matter is separate from from any other in the human experience.
55:36
I agree and I feel like especially with sex and having been a woman and trying to now like I'm not trying to get away from it.
55:43
I'm just trying to prove like there's other things about me. What a concept.
55:46
things about me. What a concept. And that respect has been something that I keep pushing up against of like it almost I think at first I'll be honest made me want to go so far away from it because it's what everyone just wanted to pigeonhole me as and I feel like especially with the season 2 that's going to come out of Call Her Daddy um
56:10
at the end of September and to October like you're going to see a shift because I feel like when I was in my 20s I kind of mentioned this earlier you're everyone's self involved we're just trying to understand like I remember getting out of college being so miserable I hated my job I hated my life I was like what am I doing with my life? You're just trying to quite literally
56:29
You're just trying to quite literally survive.
56:30
And where I'm at now in my life at 28 I just turned 28 and I feel I genuinely have a different interest for what is happening in the world.
56:42
Like I know this may not be the most relatable thing but like I have one of the biggest platforms specifically well I know I just found out my show is the number one biggest listen to show for women on in the world for a podcast.
57:01
All I think when I hear that that's great. Let's frame it. My mom may frame it. Responsibility.
57:08
That's what I take from that.
57:11
How am I not going to start talking about um deeper topics and things that are genuinely going to affect generations to come having such a big platform I feel a sense of responsibility of what am I doing? Open my eyes. Start reading the news.
57:27
Like I just feel there's a different level that I'm taking this show to and it's not to become preachy and it's not to become political and it's not to become in your face.
57:38
It's going to have that same genuine nature Call Her Daddy has always had.
57:42
I am coming to them just having a conversation.
57:45
I want both sides to participate.
57:47
I want people to feel so comfortable.
57:49
I'm not asking you anything.
57:51
I'm just wanting people to listen and to maybe have a thought-provoking conversation that could potentially change your mind or strengthen your view on something.
58:00
I feel like in a world of such snap judgement because of social media, people are inclined to make decisions so quickly based off of a headline or a photo or whatever it is or gossip and I I like how what I want to do with Call Her Daddy is wouldn't you feel so much better if you could make your decision with a more 360 POV on something?
58:21
And that is what podcasting does. Long form sit-downs. Get to know someone.
58:26
Get to understand a topic, an issue, an argument and then make your judgement.
58:33
Because that is amazing if you leave being like I have the same opinion. Amazing.
58:36
But now don't you feel better that you have a more of an educated opinion rather than a snap judgement?
58:41
Or most times what people do when they listen to Call Her Daddy is okay, I admit I was judging them. I My mind changed.
58:48
I just had someone on and all of the DMs were uh I don't know if I really thought I liked them anymore and now I'm obsessed again because I forgot what they went through in their life and I was completely unattached to the empathy level because all I see is social media posts.
59:08
So, I hope people feel that and again, I'm not trying to be this like preachy I I don't know what I'm doing half the time, you know?
59:15
But I just feel a sense of responsibility and I hope that my audience can feel like it's just a journey cuz what else are we doing here?
59:22
I want everyone to have fun. We want to have laughs.
59:23
We're going to continue to have that.
59:25
And especially being a woman right now, it's like if I don't speak up, I'm not doing my job and I won't be able to sleep at night knowing that I didn't do something that actually was just right in front of me that I could have done and I have such a platform and so I'm sure everyone can know what I'm kind of talking about, but um yeah. Vote, okay. Yeah. Yeah, no.
59:47
I mean, personally hearing that I and you don't need to hear this from me and I'm I'm only saying it because I genuinely mean it and for whatever it's worth, it's like I love that.
59:56
Like I personally appreciate that so much because I only went out to start building a platform in the desire to serve.
1:00:03
Like we only I only started this journey hoping that we'd be able to help people.
1:00:11
Uh it never came from anything else.
1:00:11
It started in that place and it's still in that place today.
1:00:15
And when I hear someone who's like, "Hey, I was 22 and now I'm growing up and this is life."
1:00:21
and I I like look at that and I go I love people who do that.
1:00:23
And you know, a lot of people that I work with in my in my coaching practice, it's like that's where they are.
1:00:29
Like they became famous through music or they became famous through movies or they became famous through whatever and now they're having that same journey in their life where they go, "Jay, I have like hundreds of millions of people who listen to me and they care about what I have to say.
1:00:46
I don't want to be the person who just has a great home business and life.
1:00:47
I I want to do more than that."
1:00:50
And to me, I think when people who have the opportunity to say that, say that and then go follow it up, that's when the world starts becoming a better place.
1:01:00
It does and I I think it is really it's a it's a hard concept especially when you have a podcast.
1:01:04
I don't see all these people, right?
1:01:06
You know, when when I'm told, "Oh, your your podcast is also the biggest podcast for millennials and Gen Z."
1:01:12
I'm like so that is an audience that has the opportunity to quite literally change the world. What am I doing? Yeah.
1:01:20
And it doesn't need to be every episode.
1:01:22
I I just think there's a different level of awareness I have right now and I'm I don't have it figured out.
1:01:27
I I am not perfect by any means.
1:01:30
I definitely present a certain way on social media for my business, but like I'm I'm what I'm trying to do is just take my education public and just use this platform and not be better than anyone, just genuinely be like, "I'm learning."
1:01:44
I literally said to my team and I was like, "I will publicly say this."
1:01:48
Like, "A couple years ago, I remember when I got out of college, I had to call my dad and be like, 'I don't know how to like how am I going to vote, Dad? Like what I'm in Boston. I'm from Pennsylvania. Where am I registered?
1:01:58
Like I don't even know how to vote.'
1:02:00
And I am not ashamed to say that.
1:02:02
I think people feel so overwhelmed with certain things in life of college does not prepare us for a lot, right?
1:02:09
And there's a lot that we're like, 'What are we doing?'
1:02:11
And I think when you have people on platforms that are acting like, 'You don't know what you're doing.'
1:02:16
It makes you feel ashamed.
1:02:18
It makes you feel insecure.
1:02:18
And then you just don't do anything.
1:02:19
So, I think Call Her Daddy also this season is really trying to just make it ingestible for everyone of like, "I'm with you guys.
1:02:27
I am also still like couple years ago, my dad was helping me on TurboTax, okay?
1:02:33
I didn't know what I was doing.
1:02:36
But I'm learning and I hope that it's just I hope that people appreciate me just trying to make a little bit of a change because there's a lot of power in podcasting and in these really intimate conversations.
1:02:48
That's the best part about podcasting.
1:02:50
It is such an intimate relationship that we have with our listeners and I don't take it for granted. So, there you go.
1:02:57
No, you're you're spot on.
1:02:57
Like I think we genuinely close off when we think we're surrounded by a community of people who know-it-alls or And and I think that's when people start to lie.
1:03:07
That's when people start to hide.
1:03:07
Like I think everyone everyone like millennials and Gen Z, everyone right now feels the pressure to know how to be an investor.
1:03:15
Like because investing is the cool thing. Right.
1:03:17
And like if you don't know how to buy an NFT, if you don't you know if you didn't know how to buy crypto when it was like booming and everyone's like talking big, it was like if you didn't know how to do those things, it was like who are you? You can't be cool.
1:03:30
If you don't know how if you don't know how to vote like oh well then you don't care or all of these things and it's like I don't think any of those things were ever explained to anyone. Anyone.
1:03:39
And we're just listening to one random 30-second TikTok and being like oh my god I need to buy now, I need to do this and I'm like I fully believe I fully agree with what you're saying like Yeah, social media has definitely made us all feel a little bit like we're behind.
1:03:52
Like what am I missing or I I don't oh I'm not in on that or I'm feeling excluded or maybe I'm not cool enough.
1:03:58
I don't look a certain way.
1:03:58
I don't know how to do something and it's like that's what I've tried to take a take a little step back from social media recently and really focus on like I have the same three best friends since I was six years old.
1:04:11
I have my family, I have my relationship, I have my amazing team now of Call Her Daddy comprised of all women. They're amazing.
1:04:19
I feel so for everyone's always like what's the best thing that came from your Spotify deal and I was like that I can now hire a team of these amazing people.
1:04:25
But I I do feel like you have to also everything's with a grain of salt on social media.
1:04:32
Try to also just be more present.
1:04:36
Like I found myself the other month on my phone on TikTok scrolling. I'm by myself.
1:04:42
There's a beautiful sunset at my new house and I'm scrolling on TikTok.
1:04:46
And I for a minute had this moment of like hold on.
1:04:50
I'm watching a random girl in her bedroom doing whatever she's doing and I don't know her and I'm sitting on my couch lovely woman whoever she is wasting my time watching someone that I don't know and this is not changing my life. Go outside Alex. Go watch the sunset.
1:05:08
Go take my dog on a walk.
1:05:12
Be present because it gives me anxiety I realize when I don't feel good enough.
1:05:17
I don't feel pretty enough.
1:05:19
I don't feel like I'm fitting the body standard and then I start to spiral and it's like, why are we doing this to ourselves?
1:05:23
If we know that it's not helping us, let's I'm just trying to be a little bit more in the moment with my thoughts of, "Okay, so step back.
1:05:33
You can take it out of your hand and put it down."
1:05:36
And I know it's quite literally doctors are comparing it to an addiction.
1:05:39
So, that's also something that's helped me with my mental health recently is like really putting boundaries on social media.
1:05:45
What are some of the new habits of this new Alex and and values of this new Alex that are really becoming integrated into your life?
1:05:54
Like you just said like learning about what's happening in the world, like being well-informed, educating yourself, taking that online, obviously therapy we've talked about.
1:06:02
Like what are some of the I guess the smaller habits that you've developed?
1:06:05
That's one of them and that's a beautiful one.
1:06:07
I always joked I'm like I'm going to vow I never say this word again.
1:06:10
I in the beginning of Call Her Daddy and shortly kind of in the pandemic went down a spiral of like reading Reddit pages about myself and awful, awful things about myself. And I was crushed.
1:06:22
Like I said earlier, being bullied, I am a full people pleaser.
1:06:28
I want everyone to like me.
1:06:30
If I see that one comment I'm like, and then it's going to affect my content the next week and I'm going to have a Freudian slip and somehow talk about something that I saw in the comment I'm trying to put like, "Oh my god."
1:06:40
I It was about like a year or so ago, sat down, I think it was it was with my therapist and I said, "I am never going to open this app again."
1:06:50
And if I do, I'm hurting Call Her Daddy.
1:06:54
And I almost got It helped me take it out of myself of like, cuz I was it was affecting my content.
1:06:59
And and I I stopped looking at these people that I remember I always used to also be like, "They're just hurting in their own life."
1:07:08
And we can talk about why people are trolls on the internet for hours, but it's not my problem.
1:07:11
I I need to drown that out.
1:07:15
Whatever those people are going through, what why ever they hate me, I know I'm a good person.
1:07:20
I know what I'm trying to do.
1:07:22
So, I stopped reading that about a year ago, and my life I feel like a different human being.
1:07:27
I am taking notes from people that truly care about me.
1:07:35
And I'm someone that my producer was like, "It's interesting. You love a note." I love a note.
1:07:40
I love someone to tell me when I'm doing something wrong, what I'm doing wrong. I love a note.
1:07:47
And so, I I don't surround myself with yes people.
1:07:49
I'm very I came to LA, and I had to make a decision of, you know, who I wanted to hang out with, what I wanted to do.
1:07:56
And like, I am sticking to the people that I have known my whole life.
1:08:01
I am not not open to meet meeting new friends.
1:08:03
I have made new friends in LA, but I'm very specific about who I share my time with.
1:08:10
And I think that is totally fair to say.
1:08:13
And I think sometimes people are like, "Oh, this is that."
1:08:14
Or "Oh, you don't have as many friends."
1:08:16
I am taking care of my mental health by making sure the people that I'm surrounded with aren't yes people, because they're like, "Oh, we want to come and hang out in Alex's cool house with her cool job."
1:08:25
It's people that are like, "Check yourself. What's up?
1:08:29
Like, how are you doing?"
1:08:29
And I can do the same to them.
1:08:30
And so, I have made efforts to make sure who I'm around, not only they they don't even make me feel good.
1:08:38
It's it's that they're real with me.
1:08:40
And they treat me if all this was gone tomorrow, I know those people are going to still be there.
1:08:44
And I think with social media, I've kind of just I've really gone through periods where my I felt like my whole existence was immersed and defiant or defined by social media.
1:08:57
And literally just through meditating, being alone with my thoughts going through therapy of when you actually dissect does something make you feel bad?
1:09:11
Yes, so why are you doing it?
1:09:14
It's so simple and it is so hard.
1:09:14
But the more that I train my brain, it's really helped me and I think when I go through really awful times on social media, if people are coming at me, if I get the mean comments, this is something that keeps me kind of grounded is I always get through something.
1:09:30
In the moment when you are going through something, it is awful and it can be heart-wrenching.
1:09:36
It can you can feel it physically, you can feel alone, you can feel scared, whatever feeling comes when something bad is happening in your life.
1:09:44
But you get through it and when you get through it, you look back and you're always like, "Oh, I wish I could have told myself like stop stressing, stop overthinking, stop" So what I've had to do is in the moments of crisis when I'm freaking out, having a panic attack, anxiety, I'm like, "Okay, hold on.
1:09:57
In 2 days this will be over." Let's go on a walk. Let's take a breath.
1:10:04
Let's call people I love. Let's talk to my mom. Let's call my therapist.
1:10:06
Let's like take all of the stuff that's happening in my head and just calm, pause, connect with people that love me and get out of your kind of psychosis that's happening in your brain you're going over and over.
1:10:20
I always think about like I always get through it.
1:10:21
I've had so many moments where I'm freaking out. I always get through it.
1:10:24
I always So look at the other side and it's I don't know.
1:10:29
It's easier said than done again, but like it helps me be like I'm going to be there in a couple days or hours, so like this it's not as bad as it feels. Um I don't know.
1:10:39
Does that make any sense? it does. It does.
1:10:41
I think what you're describing is like everything is simply a pattern of thought, right?
1:10:44
It's just a pattern of thoughts and the current pattern of thoughts we all have are not serving us. They're not helping us.
1:10:51
They're not improving our lives.
1:10:51
And the hard part is knowing which thoughts to change and then how to change them and so the tools you just gave us were really simple ways and practical ways that anyone can start changing their thoughts.
1:11:03
And if I literally if we just understood that that simply by changing your thoughts you can transform every human experience in the world whether it's sitting in a cold plunge and you're just changing your thoughts, whether it's, you know, doing a hike in the morning, whether it's just getting to the gym, right?
1:11:21
Like whatever it is it's just changing your thoughts. Totally.
1:11:25
And it's beautiful to hear you figure that out and and work through that. So Also journaling.
1:11:28
I've had when I go through really hard times I always journal during and after and then when I'm going through a crisis again I'll read the after and even the during and I'm like I was spiraling. Look where I am now.
1:11:40
I'm sitting on the beach.
1:11:40
Like what I'm or I'm driving to work. Everything's okay.
1:11:44
We get through I have gone through people dying and it's like it is the worst it is the worst but you have to find a way to keep going.
1:11:53
You have to find the positive, right?
1:11:56
And and I have a lot of friends connected through trauma of things that happened in our childhood and it's like we I had my two best girlfriends come and visit me and they were with me for a week and we were just talking about life, how am I going to keep going?
1:12:16
But then you remember the moment after that where you're laughing on the beach with your friend and you're like, imagine if I didn't keep going.
1:12:21
I wouldn't have this beautiful moment with these people and so it's like always trying to look to the other side and if you can get there you can take that breath and be like, thank god I I hung in there. Yeah.
1:12:34
What what's a belief that you think you've had about yourself that you think led you down the wrong path?
1:12:41
Like is there a specific belief that you once had about yourself that you think kind of went the other way?
1:12:44
Like you just said sometimes you have to push through but sometimes we carry a belief about ourselves and we end up somewhere we don't want to be.
1:12:51
I think because of things that have happened publicly and there's so many things that have happened publicly for me in my career, I would say it really hurts me when people assume I'm a bad friend.
1:13:03
My entire life that has been the one thing I have felt I'm proud of myself for, truly.
1:13:14
Like my friendships are so valuable to me and I take such pride in those relationships.
1:13:28
And when you have public things and it happens to happen with a woman, it's like the person that comes out on top is the villain and then the person that didn't is the victim and I'm not like going at anyone saying that they're calling themselves a victim.
1:13:41
I'm just saying that's how the public perceives it.
1:13:44
And so as a woman it it upsets me.
1:13:46
And I would find myself really struggling at times being like, I know I'm a great friend.
1:13:52
Like I had a friend recently say to me cuz she's going through something and almost like through the tools of my show and therapy she mentioned to me, she was like, I have never I think I've never felt you being a better friend than in this moment.
1:14:05
Like I can't thank you for how much you're taking on for me.
1:14:07
And I was like, I'm in a good place right now.
1:14:09
Like it's all I can picture doing is is helping a friend and being there for someone cuz you've been there for me when I've been at the absolute bottom.
1:14:18
That's how friendship works, right?
1:14:20
And I think friendships are so beautiful because you have to choose to keep it moving, keep it strong.
1:14:25
A romantic relationship, it's there.
1:14:29
You're together all the time. Friendship, that's hard.
1:14:31
My friends live across the country.
1:14:33
My three best friends do not live in Los Angeles, California and it is a constant effort and they know me just as much as I know them and we have been through so much together.
1:14:41
But I think that kind of ate at me and And sure you've had it of like, there's nothing worse than when someone believes something about you that you're like, "Oh, like I want to prove it's that's not true and I have so many things that could prove that that's not true, but I've had to work on in therapy of like, I can't please everyone."
1:14:59
And through do my friends know I'm a good friend? That's all that matters.
1:15:06
The internet thinking I'm this or that, like if you like my show, you're going to listen, but you're not listening cuz I'm a good friend.
1:15:14
So, it's like, I need to prioritize knowing who I am, knowing how deeply I feel for these people that I I consider family.
1:15:24
That's all that matters and I don't need to prove that, but I definitely went down moments of like, "Oh my god, am I trying to talk about this in an episode and prove it's like, Alex, you if if I tried to whack-a-mole everything people think about me, I'm not going to get done interviews.
1:15:37
I'll be just doing solo episodes for the rest of my career."
1:15:40
So, that was something that was kind of hard.
1:15:42
Yeah, and there'd still be something about your explanation that wouldn't be enough.
1:15:45
And I found that I mean, I was asked in a podcast a few years ago, someone asked me the question, "Uh what's something you used to value that you don't value anymore?"
1:15:58
And it was a really great question and we have the video of it and I'm like sitting there thinking about it and you can tell it's you know, when you ask a question and you actually have to think rather than like you've got a million things to say.
1:16:09
And I said being understood.
1:16:09
I was like, I just don't value being understood anymore because it's just it killed me.
1:16:16
That desire I had and I get that people it's like, for years I just wanted people to know I was a good person and that I had pure intentions and I was trying to serve the world and I was and I was like, "You know what?
1:16:26
No one's going to give me the benefit of the doubt. No one cares."
1:16:28
And at the end of the day, I have to lose that desire to be misunderstood and I'm sorry to be understood because most people are going to misunderstand me and that's okay. That is like it me.
1:16:41
That is so beautiful because I relate to that deeply.
1:16:44
And I love that you're saying that because being understood is so overrated and exhausting.
1:16:53
Because who you're mostly trying now in the age of social media to be understood by is people you don't even know. Yeah.
1:17:00
And what about the people you do know?
1:17:02
How much time are you putting Are we It was a measure for me of Am I putting more effort into the people I don't know than the people I do know?
1:17:08
That's check your yourself because I've done that to myself and I love that you said that cuz it when you get to that point, it is so freeing cuz you're like, I'm me.
1:17:17
I don't need If I say something people take the wrong way, I don't need to not be like, "Oh my god, I promise I'm a good person." No.
1:17:26
You either know or you don't and I'm not going to run around and chase people and try to convince people of my character. I go to sleep at night.
1:17:32
I know I'm a good daughter, a good partner, and a good friend.
1:17:36
And I know I am not perfect by any means, but I am trying every day through therapy, through just looking inward a lot, and trying to be with my thoughts, and being more present with the uncomfortable silent moments, trying to just be a better person.
1:17:53
And I think it sounds corny even when I say it out loud, but like, what else are we here to do? You know what I mean? Like, Yeah.
1:17:59
Do you Are you good with the people you love and who love you?
1:18:01
That's kind of all that matters. And the rest is noise.
1:18:05
And we have huge platforms and it's so great.
1:18:07
But if all of it ended tomorrow, I would be okay. Yeah.
1:18:10
And I don't think I could have said that a couple years ago.
1:18:14
And I don't want it to end. I love you all.
1:18:16
But it it is a it's a good feeling cuz that then I can really put all of me into the podcast cuz it's like, I'm going to be me, and I'm going to do me until I don't want to do it anymore.
1:18:26
And no one can tell me otherwise. You know what I mean?
1:18:30
So it's it's kind of a freeing feeling.
1:18:32
Yeah, and here's here's what we know.
1:18:32
We know that the people that do listen to us every week, they do know us.
1:18:36
Like, I feel so seen, heard, and understood by my community that listens to me here.
1:18:45
And whether they listen to the solos or these guest episodes, like, I know they know me, they understand me.
1:18:48
And I always say that, if you see me on the streets, please come and say hello, because we can have a great conversation.
1:18:55
But, at the same time as that, one thing I do know is that I read a study that said, you have to spend 200 hours with someone to consider to know them deeply. Mhm.
1:19:06
And I started thinking about who in the world have I spent 200 hours with? Woah.
1:19:12
And I started to realize it wasn't that many people.
1:19:14
And that wasn't something that made me sad, it just made me value those people so much more.
1:19:17
So, my best my best friend who was my best man at my wedding, I've known him for 18 years, and he I still talk to him three or four times a week.
1:19:26
I don't know where I find the time, I don't know where he finds the time, but every car journey, whatever I'm doing around LA, I'll call he's in London.
1:19:32
So, he had a 8-hour time difference, too.
1:19:35
And he always picks up, we always find a way to connect.
1:19:36
And we still our friendship's got better since I left England.
1:19:40
And so, all my best friends are in London, because that's where I grew up, my family's in London, my wife's family's in London.
1:19:45
So, for us, like, I I totally hear what you're saying that the statement you made that really resonated with me today on off of what I said was that being understood is overrated.
1:19:55
And it's so true, because I would say that I'm still trying to understand even the people I've spent 200 hours with. Mhm.
1:20:04
So, how am I expecting someone who met me once for 2 minutes Absolutely not.
1:20:10
to understand 200-hour version of me? I would hope not.
1:20:12
I hope I'm complex enough that you can't figure me out in a minute.
1:20:16
No, I I really love that, and I I think it's um I think that I always say to anyone, and especially in 20s, 30s, when you're out of college, it is so so depleting at times, because you are stripped of that immediate comfort friends in, you know, proximity wise.
1:20:34
And you're immediately all of a sudden you're across the country and your friends across and you're like, I don't have friends and it's a really isolating and lonely time, but I would start with do you have one person?
1:20:43
Do you have one person that you can call?
1:20:45
That's really all that matters.
1:20:47
And of course, we want friend groups, we want friendships, we want connections.
1:20:52
Um we want to go to parties, guys. Come on.
1:20:53
But you But you have to just start slow with yourselves and and and I think a lot of times in your 20s it's a real you almost get dismembered and you have to build yourself back up and we're really hard on ourselves with those friendships.
1:21:03
It's so much easier said than done, but um it is a great reward when you can maintain those cuz it's they're beautiful.
1:21:10
And like I said, you're not having sex with these people, hopefully.
1:21:13
So, your friends are just there because they love you for your Hopefully.
1:21:17
Um gets messy, don't do it, guys.
1:21:19
Um but no, it's a really it's a really powerful relationship.
1:21:22
Yeah, we've talked about friendships and I want to talk about relationships a bit because it's it's a big thing here at on on purpose.
1:21:29
And I'm asking because for me, and this is what we do, right?
1:21:33
And this is why I'm I'm very clear on this.
1:21:34
And this is one of the best skill I learned from training to become a coach was to not project my intentions onto other people's actions.
1:21:44
So, what we often do is when we see someone who does the same thing as us, we assume they did it because of the same reason as us.
1:21:50
So, if you see someone lie to someone, if you're someone who would lie to someone because you don't want to upset someone's feelings, you're like, "Oh, they lied to them because they didn't want to upset someone's feelings." Yeah.
1:22:02
But if you're someone who didn't do something because you were jealous of something, when someone doesn't do that same thing, you're like, "Oh, that's cuz they're jealous of them."
1:22:08
So, we project our intentions onto other people's actions. So interesting.
1:22:13
And so, I'm I'm projecting now, and so I'm I'm I'm being very honest and open about it.
1:22:17
My wife and I have been together for 10 years, long before I my my public life.
1:22:21
And we got married 6 years ago, and I started creating content online around the same time as we got married.
1:22:30
We'd already been together for 4 years.
1:22:31
And I've been creating offline content for 10 years before I started doing online content.
1:22:37
So, I did events, and I spoke, and did seminars, and workshops, and coaching, and all this stuff.
1:22:40
Anyway, for the first 3 years of my content life, no one knew I was married.
1:22:45
Uh it wasn't that I didn't talk about it.
1:22:48
It's that I used to make 4-minute videos on Facebook and YouTube, and those 4-minute videos were based on ideas.
1:22:54
Long-form content hadn't really taken off, and I didn't really feel to post selfies with me and my wife because I was gaining traction from talking about philosophy and psychology and ideas that I cared about.
1:23:09
And we just got married, too, and it was all new to us.
1:23:11
It was like all of a sudden, like, when I would post that I was at a restaurant, people would turn up and things like that.
1:23:15
And so, I was very protective of my mom, my sister, my wife, and just everyone in my life.
1:23:21
And then my first ever podcast episode was me interviewing my wife.
1:23:23
And I was talking about how we met and our journey and everything else that came with that.
1:23:28
And that was in 2019 when we talked about it.
1:23:32
I am so grateful that I didn't do it before then because it gave my wife time to A, acclimatize to the new life we'd created.
1:23:40
It gave her a sense of stability in what we were doing and where we were going, and it helped me deal with what I needed to deal with in this journey.
1:23:49
It wasn't something I would even say I was fully conscious of.
1:23:53
I guess my question to you is, do you think having a relationship that you're open about but that is private consciously improves the quality of relationship you can build?
1:24:02
I'm projecting that I think it's healthy, but you don't have to buy into my projection. You know what?
1:24:09
I'm going to buy in, okay? Um I I do.
1:24:10
I definitely It's interesting cuz when I met my boyfriend, I had already podcasted about him before our first date.
1:24:20
And he I remember podcasting I was in Los Angeles and we were going to a dinner, and I'm podcasting about my wants and my needs and all the things that I'm expecting for this date to go.
1:24:32
This I'd never met this man in my life.
1:24:34
Um classic Alex just going for it for the podcast.
1:24:36
Got to give the Daddy Gang what they want.
1:24:40
And I show up to the date and halfway through I'm like, "Oh, you're going to be on next week's episode."
1:24:42
And he's a very private person and he was like, "What?"
1:24:47
And I was like, "Mhm, it's going to be so good."
1:24:49
And then I'm going to go back and record whatever happens at the end of the date.
1:24:51
And he was like so shocked.
1:24:54
I will say I think he thought it was quite charming.
1:24:56
I love how men are always like, "Oh, I don't want to be on." They love being on.
1:24:59
Um but with him it was interesting because I I went all the way in and I started talking about him from the beginning and then I had to pull it back because I realized, "Oh, well, this is a real relationship, and I have so much respect for him."
1:25:12
And he's in the um entertainment industry, um but he's private.
1:25:18
And he He in a great way, this is how I knew he was the one, he never said, "Don't talk about me."
1:25:27
But he asked that we just have conversations about it and just keep talking about it.
1:25:34
And I've had past relationships where it was like, "F your show. I don't care."
1:25:38
And he has such a respect for my craft that he recognizes that is kind of what you do for a living and your life is your living.
1:25:47
Um but I did start to pull back, and I know it's not fun to hear, but my relationship couldn't be better because of it.
1:25:56
All of a sudden he didn't have to wake up in the morning and press play and listen to what I said, and and we weren't um getting DMs about our relationship, and it really allowed us to just be present of, "Hey, do we like each other?"
1:26:10
I I've said to people I and I'm not judging people that post on social media with their partner.
1:26:14
I I always just like to hit check myself and then I just tell people what I'm doing and if you want to, you know, do it too.
1:26:22
But it's like there's some relationships I worry are you just together still cuz the public loves you?
1:26:28
And that is not healthy and I think that with social media people can become addicted to the concept of this perfect relationship and what it looks like.
1:26:38
Well, what is it like behind closed doors?
1:26:40
I am so fortunate that I don't have that with my partner.
1:26:42
I'm with him because I love him and I love our relationship and none of it is contingent upon either of our jobs.
1:26:49
So, that's been very healthy. Was it hard? Yeah, of course.
1:26:52
There's great content in there.
1:26:53
And occasionally I will share.
1:26:55
Um, but I I told my listeners one rule that I implemented with my partner was if we have an argument or a fight or a disagreement or whatever and it's an open wound at the time for the relationship, I made the mistake once of going and talking about it on the podcast too soon.
1:27:12
That we hadn't even healed and my partner is so mature that he was like, I love you so much, but I think we need boundaries because hearing that is not fun and it almost made it worse for me because we haven't resolved it.
1:27:25
And so, now I have this like I have a boundary where it's like a couple months later I can totally talk about it cuz he was like, some of our arguments are great for couples to think about and talk about.
1:27:35
Um, they're very relatable, but I think in the moment it's always good to just put my relationship first and it doesn't mean I'm not putting the show first.
1:27:42
It's just having a good set boundary that I didn't have before and I'm really, really happy I've done it.
1:27:48
Yeah, I've loved hearing today about how many different boundaries you put into different areas of your life.
1:27:52
You're like winning at yeah, winning at boundary setting.
1:27:54
Like, no, but it's so important because I think the problem is that we think of life as either or and life is more boundaries and layers and levels.
1:28:04
And it's like we think, I'm either close to this person or I'm not.
1:28:08
And I'm like, no, you're closer to this person than this person.
1:28:10
It's not that you're close or not.
1:28:12
And I think when you start looking at life as degrees and you know, you see a little ripple in different degrees versus like yes or no. Absolutely.
1:28:22
And I think the concept of again, this is all for public consumption. Yeah.
1:28:26
Posting your partner for people in my case that don't I don't know, right?
1:28:32
And even a lot of people, even if you have a thousand followers on Instagram, do you have a thousand friends? Absolutely not, Becky.
1:28:37
Okay, you do not have a thousand friends.
1:28:39
So I always am also just like what is the motive behind posting your partner?
1:28:42
Is it to get validation that you're not getting in the relationship? Is it to seek approval?
1:28:49
Is it to show off something that you're proud of, but well, if you were super, you know, confident, like would you need that exterior validation, right?
1:28:56
And again, I'm not saying not to post your partner.
1:29:00
It's really just I think with social media, we've been so quick to just throw stuff up about our life and it's like, well, why are you doing that? Who is that for?
1:29:08
Why do you feel the need to show people that you don't even know how your relationship is going and write these long captions about it?
1:29:14
I totally get trying to connect with people.
1:29:17
But there is a a level that I started to find of like, I think I'm just doing this cuz this is like is helping content.
1:29:24
It's not good for my relationship. I need to pull back.
1:29:26
Yeah, and I love that who it's for question because I do that exercise with myself when I post stuff.
1:29:32
Like I post certain things and I know one cares, but I really care about it.
1:29:37
Like it's like it's a big deal for me or whatever.
1:29:39
And then I'll post and I'll already tell them I'll be like, do not look at the likes, do not look at the comments.
1:29:43
I know it's going to do terribly, but it's really important to me and I want it to be out there because to me that's really, really, you know, powerful.
1:29:51
And and obviously we we only put out things that we think are powerful, of course, but there are certain things that I know no one cares about apart from me.
1:29:58
And at the same time, I think for me what I was getting at was that three years of being married for me and my wife gave us a sense of getting to know each other in that way without having to deal with any opinions, any like right now all we ever get when we post anything is just you guys look like brother and sister.
1:30:16
No, but And I'm like that's like that's not what I would have wanted to hear when we just got married.
1:30:19
So I'm very happy that we didn't because that's all we ever get.
1:30:24
And so I'm like all right, this is this is great.
1:30:25
Like See that's the thing you're never going to It's There's always going to be the negative.
1:30:30
And so that's what also I'm I'm really protective of it because I'm like I'm so happy, he's so happy, our families love each other, we're doing good.
1:30:38
We are by no means a perfect couple, but I have no interest right now in opening that up for public consumption to just have an opinion. I don't need it.
1:30:48
I want to know am I in this because I like him? That's it. Yeah. Great. Stick with it.
1:30:56
Last question on relationships.
1:30:56
I think a lot of people ask like, you know, what do you look for in someone?
1:30:59
I think for me it's the opposite way around like what do you think you want someone to bring out in you that you see as a healthy relationship?
1:31:08
Like what are you happy being when you're in a good place? I'm a lot.
1:31:14
I'm self-aware enough to know I'm a lot.
1:31:16
And really when I say I'm a lot, I think my job is a lot, right?
1:31:17
And I I am so passionate.
1:31:21
Like I've said, I've been doing this since I was so young.
1:31:24
I wouldn't be making these videos. No one was seeing them.
1:31:28
I was acting like they were going to be up for an Academy Award.
1:31:31
No one was My parents were barely watching them, okay? have them? Oh, they're awful.
1:31:33
Yeah, they're I mean it's it's it's it's shocking.
1:31:36
They're like, "We're going to play it one day at your wedding."
1:31:38
I'm like, "So I'm not getting married then."
1:31:41
Um but the point is is I I have always felt like what I'm doing and my passion is so a part of me.
1:31:51
And I need a partner that is going to support me, especially in a heterosexual relationship.
1:31:57
Can a man be be with I'm okay if I'm the breadwinner.
1:32:01
It's not the case in my relationship, we're pretty equal, but it's like I need to be able to be myself.
1:32:07
And I need my partner to not be intimidated by my success, not try to hold me down, let me be me, and you be you.
1:32:14
And if we come together, and we make each other better, amazing.
1:32:16
But I've had relationships with men where they were extremely intimidated by my success, and it was constantly trying to push me down, um language that was semi-abusive of trying to make me feel less than, and it was really toxic, and it affected me.
1:32:32
And now being in a healthy relationship with someone that is like, "You are incredible. I support you."
1:32:39
is like my number one cheerleader, that to me is the hottest thing that someone can do, and I'm so attracted to my partner because of that.
1:32:45
I also think someone that is so honest.
1:32:48
My partner is so honest with me.
1:32:51
Sometimes I'm like, "Oh my god, I It's like I'm not used to the honesty."
1:32:55
And I really respect that because I am a no-bull person. I'm like, "What's up? What's going on?"
1:32:59
And to meet my match kind of with that, we do no dance arounds.
1:33:03
Like it is just like, "What is up?"
1:33:05
And I know some people don't like that, you need a little like cushion.
1:33:08
I am like, "Hit me where it hurts.
1:33:11
Let's get this over with."
1:33:11
So I think those two things, the honesty, um and also just allowing me to be who I am.
1:33:17
And I know it sounds pretty straightforward, but a lot of people try to change each other. You're laughing. What did I say?
1:33:24
No, I didn't say anything. I relate. I relate.
1:33:25
No, no, yeah, I'm laughing because you literally There's something you said that just like just totally reminded me of something this weekend. So anyway, but carry on.
1:33:35
No, no, yeah, it's Okay, okay, the point is is you I've learned in relationships, like you talked about projection, there's so much projection if you don't work on yourself and whatever your form of therapy for yourself is, if you don't know who you
1:33:50
are, you're going to go into a relationship and quite literally look for the things you want out of that person, and you're going to be put unrealistic expectations onto this person and you don't even know if you actually like them cuz you're just trying to get what you want. It's like,
1:34:01
It's like, wait, you don't even like the homie. Like get out of here.
1:34:05
Like and so I think stripping it down to do you like them as who they are as a human being and not honestly also for how they make you feel all the time.
1:34:13
Do you like them as an individual and do you two match up?
1:34:16
Of course you want them to make you feel good, but I think sometimes we project our wants and our needs and everything onto a person. It's like, hold on.
1:34:22
Work on your own and then come back and see if you like the person cuz a lot of times the person you're with is just fulfilling something that's an insecurity of yours.
1:34:30
If you fill that insecurity, would you still need to be with that person? Absolutely. Absolutely.
1:34:34
I said Therapy session 101. Okay. No, I love it. I love it.
1:34:38
You remind So, I I was doing something important last week and my wife is that something important as in being at a wedding?
1:34:48
I was going to open this entire episode with, so how was the wedding?
1:34:51
I'm going to start interviewing you. tell you that subtly.
1:34:52
I will tell you about it offline.
1:34:54
I will tell you about it offline, but I'm I was preparing for something last week and my wife is that person to me.
1:35:00
So, I know that and and I have an amazing team who's very honest with me for sure.
1:35:04
Like I definitely like We literally were Look, we're looking at our headshots for like my book coming out next year and so the team was like, look and we were all like, nope, nope, nope.
1:35:12
Like with I'm doing it with my team.
1:35:14
And it's always the most painfully thing of like looking at your own face and all Yeah.
1:35:17
And anyway, but my wife like takes it to another level.
1:35:19
So, she's like, all right, do your speech in front of me.
1:35:22
So, I'm like, all right, I'm going to do it.
1:35:23
And and I'd set myself up for every time cuz I know she's going to give me really good feedback, but my male ego can't take it.
1:35:32
So, I'll do it and then she'll be like, oh yeah, but this part didn't make sense.
1:35:35
I'm like, no, but this is why I did it that way.
1:35:38
And she's like, but I'm telling you as a viewer and you're not going to be able to explain to everyone why you said that. So, I'm like, Totally.
1:35:43
And I'm get And I get super defensive and then she's like, but say it like this.
1:35:45
And then I'm like, no, but the way you just said it didn't sound good anyway.
1:35:48
And it's like I get so defensive, but she's And then I took all of it back.
1:35:54
And I did all did it exactly that way.
1:35:55
That is No, that is iconic.
1:35:55
Also, my boyfriend did that.
1:35:57
He had a speech he had to do at his brother's wedding, and we were upstairs in the room, and he's practicing, he's pacing, he's freaking out, and I'm like, "It's coming off weird when you say it like that. It's not hitting.
1:36:05
You're trying to be funny. You're not funny, okay?"
1:36:06
And he's like, "Oh, okay."
1:36:08
And I was trying to give constructive feedback, and he was freaking out, and he's like losing his mind, and I'm like, "Sit down.
1:36:14
Let me rewrite it for you.
1:36:16
I'm the comedian in the relationship. Let's move forward."
1:36:20
And it was funny, though, cuz he was really freaking out, but then at the end of the day, he was like, "Okay, I trust you." Yeah, exactly.
1:36:24
And then you got to do a little push and pull, and then you're like, "Okay, I trust you." Yeah.
1:36:28
And then there's some stuff that I just hide from her in the practice, cuz I know I want to do it anyway.
1:36:31
And so then I don't show her that bit, and she's like, "Oh, that bit was really good."
1:36:36
I'm like, "See, if I showed it to you, you wouldn't have thought it was good."
1:36:39
But but the constructive criticism was good, and then you added your little flair, and it all went well. exactly. Exactly.
1:36:46
Uh Alex, we end every On Purpose episode with uh two Now, two, you're the first person ever do this.
1:36:52
Uh so, we have our Fast Five, but we also have our new segment, which very aptly is called The Many Sides of You, one word.
1:37:00
Um we're we're still figuring out the name.
1:37:00
We're we're getting there. We're getting there.
1:37:01
Um but we're going to do this.
1:37:03
So, what this is is you're going to give a word for every one of these things, just one word. And it's all about you. Oh god. Are you ready?
1:37:10
I don't know if I like this. Okay. All right.
1:37:13
What is a word or phrase to describe what someone would say about you when they meet you for the first time?
1:37:20
I would say warm and trustworthy, which is really weird.
1:37:26
Oh, I forgot you said warm in the beginning. That's fine, though. Yeah, yeah. I I agree. I also agree. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:37:33
Yeah, I've had a lot of people that just I think again, on social media, you think one thing of me, and then you meet me, and you're like, "Oh, wait.
1:37:38
Like, she's I had a I had a waitress I met this past week, and she DM'd me after, and was like, "I didn't think you'd be that nice."
1:37:45
I'm like, "Guys, I'm I'm not a scary person."
1:37:47
But I I do think I have um a warmth that makes people feel really comfortable. Yeah, I believe I agree. Okay.
1:37:53
Uh what is a word someone that knows you very well would use to describe you or a phrase? Ooh, determined. Sometimes scary.
1:38:02
I I think my boyfriend and my parents are like, "Oh god, here she goes."
1:38:04
Like I'm like, "I'm going to finish this and it's going to be the best."
1:38:07
They end they're like, "Okay, just get out of her way. Here she goes." Like very determined. I love that.
1:38:10
Uh what is a word or phrase would you use to describe yourself? Loyal and passionate.
1:38:19
Those two things like resonate so much with me in in two completely different ways.
1:38:23
But a part of who I am truly is my craft and I'm so passionate about it even if I made no money on it tomorrow.
1:38:30
I would go back I would still be making content.
1:38:31
And I'm also passionate about anything I'm doing in my life.
1:38:33
I have to be passionate about my family, my relationships, my friends.
1:38:37
And loyalty to me is number one.
1:38:39
I respect anyone that's loyal and to me it's like the number one thing on the list of of something in a relationship that I look for and I take pride in being loyal. I love that. That's beautiful. I love those qualities. Thank you.
1:38:51
Easier than asking you what your values are. I like it. Yeah, sure.
1:38:55
What is a word that maybe someone who who doesn't like you would say about you?
1:38:59
How would they describe you? Um cocky. Mhm. Damn right. Damn right.
1:39:05
You got to be You got to be.
1:39:07
And the last one, what is a word or phrase you're trying to embody?
1:39:10
Something that you're working on right now. Intentional. Mhm.
1:39:12
I I really am trying to in every aspect of my life always ask, "What is the objective?"
1:39:19
Try to be more intentional about things because I think when you do things with care, everything is better.
1:39:25
People feel better about it, you feel better, and also it just there's a a different radiating effect when you're intentional about things.
1:39:32
So whether it's in my relationships or my craft, like I'm very trying to be intentional, especially this year. I love that. That's a great word. This is a good game. That's great. You did good. You did good. All right.
1:39:42
These These are the final five.
1:39:43
But before we do that, I want to ask you, Alex, like was there anything that you shared that you Oh, sorry.
1:39:47
Anything you haven't shared today that you really wanted to share or something you wanted to talk about?
1:39:52
And I I mean I'm asking this online, offline as just to honor you in terms of if there is there something that we've missed or Do you want Do you want to dive more into like And I And I'm happy to cuz I could talk to you for hours. I have no time limit.
1:40:04
I'm happy to dive into you with like talking more about the entrepreneurship side and the cross side and the business side or I think it in a really cool way.
1:40:09
I I didn't I didn't know where this was going to go today, and I'm really happy I I hope that who I am behind the camera kind of came out today.
1:40:19
And I guess I would just say to anyone listening, and this is not like a plug for my show.
1:40:23
It's more like I really I think this year I've tried to start, especially when I'm sitting down with people, to give people the benefit of the doubt and a chance to hear, even if I have misconceptions about someone.
1:40:34
And so, I just hope anyone listening, if you maybe had a judgment about Call Her Daddy back in the past or of me, I ask just to be open-minded and and kind of just give it another chance because one, I think everyone deserves that, and two, I I really am proud of what I'm doing, and I'm proud of the show and the direction it's taken.
1:40:56
Not to say that I'm not proud of the past, but I I think people would be surprised at at where it's gone and how much it's grown.
1:41:02
And I just would ask for a chance and give it a listen, and um yeah, that's it. I love that. I love that.
1:41:10
And and and and you're doing it.
1:41:11
And and honestly, from Like I keep saying, you don't need it from me, but whatever it's worth, it's like I just love watching people grow and try new things and take risks and like do something that's fresh and new.
1:41:23
And then everything you said about impact and responsibility and even the interviews you have done, like for me, it's it's beautiful to watch that.
1:41:28
And so, you know, congrats not on this external success, of course on that, but more on like doing the hard thing, right?
1:41:36
Like that's what's more interesting to me and I think as a creator and as a host it's like doing the hard thing.
1:41:42
It's like to keep feeding whatever everything when everyone wants is easy, but to actually switch and say I've changed, I've grown, I've evolved and this is where I'm going now.
1:41:54
That that and that's where so many people at 50, 60, 70 years old feel so empty because for the last 25 years they just did what other people wanted them to do.
1:42:06
Totally and it's like you got to go for it.
1:42:08
don't want to be in that position. Mhm. No.
1:42:09
Anyone listening, if you've wanted to do something, you got to go for it cuz we have literally no idea how much time we have here and that's what I'm doing with this especially this season.
1:42:17
I'm like, oh, I'm going for it.
1:42:19
I believe in something, I'm going to go for it and I will I'll handle whatever comes with that. Yeah. I love that.
1:42:23
All right, Alex, I've got five questions left for you.
1:42:28
These are These are the fast five. Okay.
1:42:29
Uh what is Okay, Alex Cooper, these are your fast five.
1:42:32
Uh question number one, what is the best advice you've ever received?
1:42:35
Oh, this is so generic, but it's so true.
1:42:37
It's from my mother, be yourself.
1:42:38
In a world of people trying to tell you what to be, what to do, be yourself, know yourself and the journey of knowing yourself is going to be just as long if you're going to know yourself or you're going to go with what people want you to be.
1:42:50
Be yourself, it's so much for more more rewarding at the end of the day. I love it.
1:42:55
All right, second question, what is the worst advice you've ever received? Um be quiet.
1:42:57
Um where would that have gotten me, guys?
1:43:00
I mean, a microphone, myself, here we go.
1:43:02
Don't be quiet, speak your mind, go for what you want and bulldoze through doors.
1:43:09
Question number three, what position did you play in soccer? Center midfield. Okay. All right, that's cool.
1:43:13
I was center attacking midfield, so. That's great.
1:43:16
Also, sometimes I would go on the flanks. Yeah.
1:43:18
Um Basically, my role for anyone who doesn't know soccer, my position would let Alex's role do all the running. Yeah. Yeah, thanks. Thanks a lot. Yeah, I love to run. Yeah.
1:43:25
I I have to I don't know if you've been I I recently invested uh in Angel City FC.
1:43:29
And so, I would love to take you to the game.
1:43:33
It'd be so fun because I I grew up obviously wanting to play soccer professionally and I was never good enough.
1:43:40
But, my my sister loves soccer, too, and she played.
1:43:42
And I was just like, "If I ever have a daughter or I was like, I want her to have the opportunity."
1:43:46
So, It's such a good sport. It's oh my god. they're so good.
1:43:50
They're So, they're fun to watch.
1:43:52
So, we have to figure that out. All right. Thank you.
1:43:54
Uh question number four, uh how would you describe your current purpose?
1:43:59
My current purpose is to use my platform to hopefully empower and unite women, also underrepresented communities, and try to elicit change.
1:44:17
There's a lot we got to do right now and specifically with women's rights.
1:44:22
And so, I would say my purpose is trying to use my platform to excite people for change, not scare them.
1:44:30
This is an exciting time.
1:44:30
It is a great time to have a vagina.
1:44:32
We have to look at it that way or we're only going to regress and keep getting pushed backwards by men.
1:44:38
So, it's like let's use our vaginas.
1:44:41
Let's vote with our vaginas this year, okay?
1:44:44
I don't think anyone's probably said vaginas as many times on your podcast. Definitely not.
1:44:50
and it's to it's to inspire and bring people with me on this journey of educating myself and taking my education public. Love that. And I'm with you.
1:44:58
Whatever whatever help I can give.
1:45:00
Uh fifth and final question, if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Abortions are legal. Well said. That's a real law. Thank you. That's a real law.
1:45:12
Now, let's put it back where it was. Yeah. Amazing. I love it. Alex Cooper, everyone.
1:45:16
Thank you so much for having me. Oh, no. Thank you.
1:45:20
That was without a doubt, I think, the most fun I've ever had. That was so much fun. That was unbelievable.
1:45:25
I am honored to have been here.
1:45:27
Thank you for giving me the time and space and your platform. This is amazing.
1:45:29
No, I'm so grateful, honestly.
1:45:31
That was smart, funny, intellectual, thoughtful, deep.
1:45:34
I mean, it was It was every emotion I want to feel on any given day.
1:45:38
And you were just an absolute I don't know what the right word is. Like you're a maverick.
1:45:45
Like, you know, it's just it's it's amazing also to I love witnessing high-performing people in this way.
1:45:51
And like watching you, I'm like, this person's such a pro.
1:45:53
Like, just unbelievably like just phenomenal.
1:45:56
It's so beautiful to watch. Yeah, it's amazing. So, thank you.
1:45:58
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1:46:04
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1:46:13
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