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Reaching 5 million subscribers on YouTube is a milestone I could never have imagined when On Purpose first began.
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Over the years, I've had the honor of sitting with some of the most extraordinary people in the world.
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Artists, world leaders, athletes, visionaries, and experts.
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These conversations have offered us glimpses into how greatness is built, how vulnerability becomes strength, and how love and resilience shape our lives.
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I'm truly grateful for how far we've come, and it's all because of you.
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It's also just the beginning.
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So, today we're celebrating our community and this milestone by revisiting some of the most significant moments from incredible guests along the way.
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The number one health and wellness podcast. >> Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty.
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The one, the only, Jay Shetty.
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I remember this one really well because I was in France.
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I flew to London to take a flight to the US, and then flew back to London to interview Tom all within 24 hours.
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When I spoke with Tom Holland, he shared something deeply personal, his decision to quit drinking.
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In a world that celebrates alcohol, he stepped away to protect his mental and emotional health. And he's not alone.
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Surveys show more young people are choosing sobriety than ever before, with many saying they feel healthier and more present.
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Here's Tom on how that choice changed his life.
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>> One of the things that you mentioned recently was that you gave up drinking about a year and a half ago. >> Yes.
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>> And you said it was the hardest thing you ever did. Yes.
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>> And I wanted to know what was so hard about it for you. Why was it so hard? It's interesting.
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I I didn't one day wake up and say, "I'm giving up drinking."
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I just like many Brits had had a very, very boozy December.
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Christmas time, I I on vacation.
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I was drinking a lot, And I've always been able to drink a lot.
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I think I get my genes from my mom's side in that thing. Like I can I can drink.
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And I decided to just give up for January.
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I just wanted to do Dry January.
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And all I could think about was having a drink.
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It's all I could think about.
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I was waking up thinking about it.
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I was checking the clock, when's it 12?
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And it just really scared me.
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I just was like, wow, maybe maybe I have a little bit of an alcohol thing.
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So I sort of decided to punish myself and say I'll do February as well. I'll do 2 months off.
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If I can do 2 months off, then I can prove to myself I don't have a problem. 2 months go by.
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And I was still really struggling.
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I felt like I couldn't be social.
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I felt like I couldn't go to the pub and have a lime soda.
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I couldn't go out for dinner.
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I was really really struggling.
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And I started to really worry that maybe I had an alcohol problem.
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Um so I decided that I would wait until my birthday, which is June 1st.
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I said to myself, if I can do 6 months without alcohol, then I can prove to myself that I don't have a problem.
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And by the time I had got to June 1st, I was the happiest I'd ever been in my life. I could sleep better.
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I could handle problems better.
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Things that would go wrong on set that would normally set me off, I could take it in my stride.
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I had so much such better mental clarity. I felt healthier. I felt fitter.
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And I just sort of said to myself like, why why am I enslaved to this drink?
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Why am I so obsessed by the idea of having this drink?
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And I would look back and recognize that I would go to events for for work and be like, I can't enjoy myself until I've had a few beers.
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And I just felt so much pressure.
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And this is one of the things why I've sort of distanced myself from the rugby community, cuz so much of it is about how much can you drink?
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Let's get you as drunk as possible.
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And it's honestly been the best thing I've ever done.
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I'm a year and a half into it now.
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It doesn't even cross my mind.
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I found amazing replacements that I think are fantastic.
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Ones that are also really healthy.
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I found this one beer that it's full of electrolytes and it's, you know, the carbohydrates in it are long-lasting energy.
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So, like having a beer is now actually like a really healthy thing.
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I'm really lucky that all my friends are super supportive about it.
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I've never run into that scenario where my friends are like, "Oh, go on, just have a beer, like you're fine."
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They've always sort of really supported me and I don't want to be that person that's saying to people, "You should get sober. You should get sober."
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If I could encourage someone to drink less, then that's great.
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But, I I don't want to start getting into the world of you need to stop drinking because I just it's it's not for me to say.
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I went on my own little journey. I'm really enjoying it.
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I'm delighted that my mom's has also given up. She's loving it. And it's been amazing.
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I can't believe the difference that I feel from not drinking. Yeah. I feel amazing. >> That's amazing, man. I love hearing that.
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And And I love hearing that it's been great for you, right?
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I think that's that's the point.
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Not everything has to be like, "Look what I did. You can do it, too."
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It's kind of like, "No, this is just what's been great for me."
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Do you think it was partly that attitude for you, at least, in the beginning where it's like, "Well, look, I can drink. I drink a lot.
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It comes from my mom's genes and it doesn't affect me."
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And then, all of a sudden, you realize, "Well, wait a minute. It's more than that."
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Because I think there is that.
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Like, I was like that as a young man, as well.
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Like, for me, it was it was easy to drink. I I didn't drink daily.
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For me, I drank a lot more socially.
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And I love playing drinking games with my mates.
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And that that was really what I enjoyed the most, probably.
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And for me, when I quit, I could just quickly see how it just got me into doing things I would never do if I wasn't drunk.
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So, for me, it was for me, it was more that.
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But, yeah, I wonder for you, did you find that it's there's a really fine line between like, "Oh, I know I can drink a lot."
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And then, all of a sudden, you're kind of addict Not addicted beyond that. >> No, addicted, mate.
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Look, I'm happy to say that I was definitely addicted to alcohol.
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Not shying away from that at all.
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I think anyone that wakes up and has a Not wakes up.
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Anyone that has a beer every day is probably got a little bit of a problem. But yeah, you're right.
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I I would drink and drink and drink and drink and then you would just reach that moment where you're like, "Wow, I shouldn't have had that last beer."
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And you wake up the next day and you have a terrible headache and you're suffering.
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I I bought one of those rings that will tell you about your sleep. >> Yeah, Oura Ring.
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Yeah, and it was amazing cuz I couldn't sleep.
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I was like, "Why can't I sleep?
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I'm working 14 hours a day, I'm doing 2 hours in the gym, I'm eating really healthily, and I can't sleep. What's wrong with me?"
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I bought this ring and it was booze.
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It just It was a completely affecting my sleep and since I've given it up, I can sleep anywhere. You know?
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It's also interesting as well going on nights out and having a great time as the sober person and then getting to that point in the night where people start, you know, spitting in your ear and everyone's like, "I love you, man. I love you so much."
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And you're like, "Yeah, brilliant. I love you, too. I'll see you tomorrow. I'm going to bed."
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>> [laughter] >> But I love being that person now.
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I love seeing my friends on the golf course at 8:00 a. m.
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in the morning feeling fresh and ready to go.
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And they're sort of crawling out their car and So yeah, so I I I'm over the moon to be sober. I love it.
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>> Yeah, for anyone who is listening right now and is going "Tom, I love that for you. I want to do it, too."
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Like they're listening going "I'm having too much every day.
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I can notice some of those things, but I'm just stuck and it's hard because we know that addiction's that way.
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We know that this is heavy.
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It's not easy, but if someone is watching going, 'Tom, tell me like what what did you do to even get started?
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How did you have that courage to say, I'm going to do January.
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I'm going to stick at it.'
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Were there any moments where you actually fell back and then had to get back on the horse again?
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Like just walk us through that a little bit more for anyone who is watching going, 'Tom, mate, I I want to be in your position in like 6 months.'"
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I didn't fall back on it. I have done in the past.
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Like I've had periods of my life where I'd given up drinking and then gone back to drinking.
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Um but this time I don't know. It was just different.
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I really worked to sort of change my mindset.
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I really asked myself, like, "Why do you drink? Why are you drinking?"
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And a lot of the time my answer would be to feel more comfortable in the social environment. >> Yeah.
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And I just put myself in those environments and just would force myself to be there.
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I'd force myself to hang out and and go to a club or go to a bar go to a dinner.
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Yeah, so you weren't avoiding those places.
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I wasn't at the beginning because I didn't feel like I could go and not have a drink because of the stress of it.
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But then after a while I sort of was like, "Mate, you've got to pull your socks up here and you can't just live in your house all the time.
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You've got to go out and enjoy yourself."
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And and if you're only enjoying yourself because you're drinking then you really do have a problem.
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But I just changed my mindset.
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I just I found really good replacements.
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Things that I could sort of attribute to having a beer.
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I often found with me most of it is just the ritual of cracking something open and sharing it with friends and drinking it.
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Whether it's sparkling water or a beer, I now can't I don't associate like I don't see a difference. >> Yeah.
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But I think it's different for everyone.
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I had a great support system.
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Jack is one of my best mates and we traveled all over the world.
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He doesn't drink and doing it with him was was a really helpful experience for me.
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My brother is always on the road with me. He was very supportive.
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And yeah, I just really set my mind to it.
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I was like, "I really want to do this.
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I want to prove to myself I can do it." >> Yeah.
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And then once I'd felt the health benefits and started really feeling like my full self >> Yeah.
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I was like, "Oh my god, this is this is the best." But do you not drink?
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I haven't drank for 17 years. No way. Congratulations. That's amazing. >> amazing.
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Yeah, it's it's incredible. Wow.
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>> one of the best feelings in the world and it's My my biggest like worry when I was about to quit was like, "How am I going to hang out with my mates?"
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>> That was my biggest worry. worry.
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I was like, "My mates knew me as the guy who was like first to the game, last to get out." >> was me, mate.
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You know, the clown when I got drunk, like life of the party kind of like that kind of guy.
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And then all of a sudden I I decided I wasn't going to drink anymore.
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I was like, "Crap, how am I going to fit in?"
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And then I remember I went into the corporate world for a bit and I didn't drink and I was like, "God, am I going going out on like opportunities and networking?"
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Like you know all the guys afterwards are like going to get drinks and I'm like I'll come but I'll have a water or I'll have a soda, whatever it is. >> Sure.
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And what was really interesting for me is not relying on drinking made me rely on qualities and skills I had >> Sure.
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>> that were actually better. Yeah.
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>> So now that I couldn't drink as an excuse to hang with the lads, I was bringing out parts of my personality that I probably would have just hidden away >> Suppressed. Yeah, suppressed.
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And all of a sudden you were actually getting respected and liked for who you were Right.
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>> rather than the person who you were when you were drunk. >> Sure.
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And and actually that worked in the workplace and there was no one at the workplace going RJ doesn't drink so he's not getting promoted. >> Right. >> It wasn't like that.
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People were like, oh yeah, really like hanging out with Jay or he's he's a really good guy or whatever it may be and I was still getting the same opportunities and I was still getting promoted at work and whatever it was and I think that's why I'd like to remind people that don't feel like your career or your work is going to suffer.
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Even for you like you've I'm sure as a you know with your career path you have to be at parties, you have to be at events. >> Of course.
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>> fact that you're able to do that now without having alcohol and you don't it doesn't sound like it's negatively impacting your career.
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If anything it's the opposite.
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>> Mate, I honestly cannot believe like the amount of times I've sat down with an actor that I've really admired or sat down with a producer or director and been like, oh you know well I don't drink anymore and they go, oh I don't
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drink 10 years and you're like oh my god and I've had so many insightful conversations with people like yourself where you've heard their story, their reason for giving up and there is a wonderful community of people and I love it. I love being a part of that
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I love being a part of that community.
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I'm really proud to be a part of it.
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I hope that you know I can meet other people and chat to them about it because it's really nice.
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It's lovely to be like, let's go get a lime soda together, [laughter] you know? Yeah, let's get a juice. Let's get a smoothie. Yeah.
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Yeah, no it it it is true.
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It's true and it's really interesting because they I can't remember I I'm trying to remember.
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There was this blog that came out years ago.
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I can't even remember it now and there was this girl on Instagram who was getting a lot of likes and a lot of comments and a lot of attention.
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And one day she just disappeared.
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Like she stopped posting.
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And everyone's just like all the comments were like where are you? What happened? Are you okay? Like what happened?
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You You know, everyone was frantic trying to figure out what happened to her because they loved her.
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They were following her and all the rest of it.
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And what they didn't know is that it was built by a team that was trying to show that what people didn't notice is that in every picture she posted she was drinking.
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And it was a made up it was almost like original AI that was made up to prove the point that you can love someone and you can think you're really close to them and you you can think their lifestyle looks amazing but actually they've got a drink in every picture they post and you didn't realize that an alcohol problem.
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So there was no real person who died but the point was that this your friends could be struggling even when they're posting these beautiful lifestyle pictures but are you aware and are you conscious of how much it affects you?
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And I can't can't remember who built that page.
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>> I think that's one of the problems with alcohol is that if you came out with alcohol right now if alcohol wasn't a thing and you like I've invented this drink that is going to make you like either really happy or really aggressive or really stupid and we're going to just sell it to the masses people would be like no mate keep your funky juice like we don't want that that sounds terrible.
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And it's one of those things cuz it is so socially acceptable that the addiction side of it the bad sides of it really do fly under the radar. Yeah.
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And that's really interesting.
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I'll tell you something I do love about being a non-drinker.
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I love being the designated driver.
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>> [laughter] >> I love being that person that makes sure that everyone gets home.
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I don't know I just I like being a dependable person.
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I think I'm quite dependable and I really like that that thing and I saw this crazy YouTube video once.
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This was years ago of a guy that went to a bar he got drunk and he drove home and he crashed his car.
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And I I know if this is real it could have been fake, but it's really impactful.
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Basically, what his friend had done was set up the room as if he had been in a coma for like 10 years.
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And his friend wakes up hours after the crash and his friend is there and he had all like old makeup on to make him look older.
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And now I'm thinking about it, there's no way this could have been real because how would they have been able to pull that off?
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But he basically is saying to him like you've been asleep for 10 years, everyone's missed you, like we can't believe you're awake, this is amazing.
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And it shows like how a stupid decision like driving drunk can affect the future of your life.
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So I do love being the designated driver.
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That is something I enjoy.
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Seeing my friends have a good time and being like don't worry, Tom will take you home.
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>> [laughter] >> I I I used to love being the designated driver until I realized that my next girlfriend just had me do that because I was the one who didn't drink.
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That wasn't a fun designated driver job, but I've always been that guy since because so I I lived as a monk for 3 years. Yeah, amazing.
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And when I came back after that, obviously I never went back to drinking alcohol and everything.
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And so but I went back into the workplace and I remember everyone would always open up to me and give me advice.
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But it's what you're saying, when someone was drunk, they'd tell me their whole life story.
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Next day they'd wake up and go, "Jay, you don't actually remember what I said, right?" I remember everything.
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They're like, "Please don't tell anyone." Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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You know, and I loved I loved that part where I was like I was able to be there for people. >> Totally. Just hear their stories. 100%.
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>> that had context the next day cuz if they told someone else who was drunk, you'd both not remember and then it'd be gone.
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No, I I think the benefits that you've just pointed out of good sleep, good health, Yeah.
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mental clarity, huge, but there's a couple of things I want to point out for everyone who's listening just as takeaways cuz Tom makes it so seamless when you're talking about it, it's really beautiful as well, but one of the things you mentioned was finding alternatives.
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And during my monk life, we always talked about how there was there was something that we called the higher taste.
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And it was saying you can never give up a lower taste unless you have a higher taste. >> Sure.
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And so there has to be a switch, there has to be a replacement. >> a replacement.
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>> fact that you found alternatives, I think that's half the battle. Sure.
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most of us are trying to take something out of our lives and then you're just trying to fill it and then you have to go back to what you had before because you're not finding a replacement. So that was beautiful.
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And the second thing you said which I loved which was having this conversation and dialogue with other people.
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Someone who's one year ahead of you.
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Someone who's 10 years ahead.
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Someone who's 20 years ahead who's gone through that process and they're open and honest and vulnerable about you know what I did have a weak moment or you know what this was really tough for me and I think having those communities where you can talk about these things makes a massive difference.
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So if anyone's struggling, I hope that those two things can kind of, you know, give you the support you need.
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Tom's honesty reminds us of a key takeaway.
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That strength doesn't come from fitting in but from making the choices that protect your or any habit that no longer serves you, sometimes the bravest thing we can do is to let it go.
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One of the most inspiring conversations I've ever had and that I'm deeply grateful for was with the legendary late Kobe Bryant.
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I got to interview Kobe Bryant just a few months before his tragic passing with his daughter.
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Kobe described his mindset for excellence, what he often called the Mamba mentality.
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It wasn't about talent alone.
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It was about obsession, discipline, and showing up every single day.
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Psychologist studying mastery of skills have found that consistent, deliberate practice is the strongest predictor of peak performance.
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Talent is valuable but without consistency, something Kobe embodied in every area of his life, it's rarely enough. Let's take a look.
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How have you been able to in your life past the cloud of emotion to actually execute on things because I think what we were speaking about earlier, this challenge that young people have today, everyone has today of just so much information, so much cloud of emotion, so many feelings, so much childhood baggage that you're bringing.
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Like how have you always cut through that?
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>> so much childhood baggage that you're bringing like how have you always cut through that and execute on that?
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You know, what I try to do is just try to be still.
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And understand that things come and go. Emotions come and go.
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The important thing is to accept them all. To embrace them all.
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And then [snorts] you can choose to do with them what you want versus being controlled [snorts] by emotion.
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You know, a lot of times I've seen players even myself and you know, when I was younger being consumed by a particular fear and to the point where you're saying, okay, no, it's it's not good to feel fear.
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I shouldn't be nervous in the situation like that.
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It does nothing but grow.
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Versus stepping back and saying, yeah, I am nervous about the situation.
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Yeah, I am fearful about the situation.
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Well, what am I afraid of?
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And then you kind of unpack it and then it gives you the ability to look at it for really what it is, which is nothing more than your imagination running its course, you know. Yeah, absolutely.
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Yeah, I love that cuz what you're saying is that when you're dealing with something it's almost like how can I get to the root of it? Yeah.
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Because sometimes what we're dealing with like you're saying it's an imagination and illusion, it's not really It's not it's not really a thing, you know?
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Like you you you think about game-winning shots and or game-winning free throws and people go to the free throw line and they're nervous about it.
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Well, what are you really nervous about?
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If you unpack that, okay, you you're nervous that you're going to miss the shot.
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All right, so you miss the shot, then what happens?
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People are going to be embarrassed.
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You're going to be embarrassed because thousands of people, millions of people see you miss the shot.
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All right, and then what?
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People are going to talk bad about you. Okay, right?
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And so you're looking at it and you go, are those things even important?
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>> [laughter] >> You know what I mean?
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If that if that is my fear, like what what is you're worried about letting your teammates down?
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Okay, have you let them down before?
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Well, I'm sure in practice and things of that nature, right? They're still there. Yeah. You know?
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And so when you're able to unpack it, you kind of look at it for what it is, which is really nothing. Yeah, I love that. Breaking it down.
19:05
I think that's so important.
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I think everyone who's listening and watching right now, next time you're facing a fear, next time you're going against something, do that.
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Like literally unpack it.
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Don't just settle for your first answer because the first answer is really the right one. >> Don't hide from it.
19:17
You know, you got to be able to look at it and you know, and and and deal with it head-on. Mhm.
19:22
Yeah, [clears throat] I love that, man.
19:25
And and you talk about that because you talk about, you know, when you talk about missing five throws and you talk about getting over yourself. >> Yeah. Right?
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Like getting over yourself.
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How did you get that mentality of just being like, I need to get over this?
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Like I need to get over myself.
19:38
You know, trial and error.
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You know, you grow up and you make game-winning shots and it's awesome.
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You come back the next day and miss a game-winning shot and it's misery.
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And then the next day comes and you're back playing again and you understand that life has a cyclical nature where it's, you know, what you do on Monday it's fantastic but then Tuesday's a bad day but guess what? There's Wednesday.
19:57
So, we just supposed to live our lives like this the whole time?
20:01
>> [laughter] >> You know, versus just staying like this and understanding that it's really just a journey of evolution.
20:06
Every day is just constant improvement, constant curiosity, constantly getting better.
20:09
The results don't really matter.
20:13
Uh it's the figuring out that matters.
20:16
Yeah, and we all get obsessed about the results. Yeah.
20:18
Like we get obsessed about like the output. >> Yeah.
20:22
>> Not the input of not figuring it out and not like changing things.
20:23
What you said, trial and error, like the experimenting. Yeah. >> to do that.
20:28
>> It's unfortunate, man.
20:28
Like I've seen a lot of players, um especially now in you know, in in youth basketball dealing with that.
20:34
Um you have players that are like bigger and faster and stronger and you know, their coaches are just coaching them for results.
20:41
You know, we're just going to use your size that cuz you're bigger than every other 12-year-old out there to dominate today. But they're not growing. Mhm. >> Right?
20:49
So, they're just based on that result but they're not focused on growing this young child >> Yeah.
20:54
into becoming a better an athlete and and through that teaching them how to become a more well-rounded person and we're missing that.
21:01
Yeah, see what you've said that just it I I to ask you this and I'm not saying it I, you know, like you know yourself best and you know how you've got there.
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So, I'm asking it from a place of humility of learning.
21:10
When I look at you, I'm like, you know, your superpower isn't just your work ethic.
21:15
Your superpower isn't just like figuring things out.
21:17
Your superpower is like you think strategically.
21:19
Like that's a very strategic thought of saying, "This person could be this in the future if they would develop as a whole individual rather than just like let's use them for the short term."
21:32
Where did you develop that from?
21:32
That ability to see beyond, to think deeper, to reflect deeper.
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Where did that come from?
21:38
Well, I had to do that because, you know, I grew up growing up in Italy.
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When I first moved over there, it was, you know, I didn't speak Italian.
21:45
I didn't have any friends.
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You know, I had the game of basketball and through sport and playing soccer, I was able to make friends and build connections.
21:52
But there was a lot of time spent alone.
21:53
And and when I came back to the States, I wasn't the most athletic kid.
21:58
You know, I was really scrawny, like really really skinny and had like major knee issues cuz I was growing.
22:04
So, I was the dorky kid with high socks and big old knee pads. It's fashionable now. It's fashionable now.
22:10
It wasn't [laughter] then. It wasn't then.
22:11
And and so, I had to look long-term because in the here and now, I couldn't compete with these kids.
22:17
I mean, there was kids that were like 12 years old with beards.
22:19
Like I can't >> [laughter] >> I can't What am I supposed to do with that?
22:24
Like they're they're doing windmills and dunking backwards and I'm happy to like tap the backboard, you know?
22:29
So, I had to look at it from a long-term cuz I wasn't going to give up on the game. Right.
22:33
So, I had to say, "Okay, this year, I'm going to get better at that." Mhm. Next year, this.
22:39
And then so forth and so on.
22:39
And then patiently, I was able to catch them. Yeah.
22:42
Kobe taught us that greatness isn't an accident.
22:44
It's built through discipline, consistency, and the willingness to go further than most are willing to go.
22:51
His words and wisdom live on as a challenge to bring our best to whatever we love.
22:57
You know, the end of the year always gets me thinking, "What's next? What's the next move?
23:03
Because this is the time to lay the foundation for everything that's coming in 2026.
23:07
For us with Juni, Shopify has been that partner that makes it all possible.
23:13
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23:18
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23:22
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23:26
And having a system that simplified the how kept us connected to the why.
23:31
And what's really special is that Shopify grows with you.
23:36
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23:42
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23:49
And the best part, you don't have to be a tech expert.
23:53
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24:02
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24:05
And there is no better way to do that than with Shopify. Use our link shopify.
24:08
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24:15
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24:21
And with Shopify, you will have all the tools you need to ensure your idea becomes the best reality it can be.
24:28
When Emma Watson called me to be on the show, I was thrilled.
24:30
One insight in our sit-down, out of the many that she said, that stood out was her view on building relationships from wholeness, not need.
24:41
In her younger years, she might have chosen from uncertainty, but now she seeks love from peace and self-knowledge.
24:47
She also spoke about asking the hardest questions. Am I really happy?
24:51
Am I aligned with my values?
24:53
Questions that push us beyond appearances and towards truth.
24:55
One of the hardest question you talked about asking answer asking yourself difficult questions and I want to ask you something about that but one thing I've said to my wife is if you ever fall out of love with me, please tell me.
25:08
Because I don't want to live a day without love.
25:10
I'm really confident about the fact that I'm worthy of love and that I want to experience love in my life.
25:16
If you ever fall out of me, just tell me. It's okay.
25:18
Because I don't have the desire to stay somewhere for any other reason.
25:26
And it sounds risky saying that and extreme but to me it's a greater risk to have spent 10 extra years with someone and then they tell me yeah, I haven't really loved you for the last 5 10 years and then I'm like wait a minute, I've
25:36
lived without love for 10 years in my life and I don't want to be in that place because I've seen people go through that and and not be happy and so it does come with a humility and a openness to have very difficult conversations. Uh and not to force something that oh,
25:52
Uh and not to force something that oh, it's been going great going great for 12 years. It has to. It should do.
25:57
It must do and it's like well, maybe no.
25:59
Like yes, if it does, it's great.
26:01
And it is right now but why should right now be a prediction for how you feel in 15 years?
26:09
With everything else that's going to change.
26:10
I think if I knew I really couldn't meet the needs of someone and they couldn't meet my needs.
26:15
If I really couldn't make my happy and they couldn't make me happy, like forcing them to stay in that situation surely that like makes love impossible like negates.
26:25
So, I I totally get what you're saying and my mom said this thing to me which was like you want to be with someone because you want them not because you need them.
26:37
And [clears throat] I think maybe another reason why I didn't get married younger is because I think maybe I would have married someone not knowing who I was and I would have needed them. Maybe not wanted them.
26:53
And I think now I have a life that's whole and complete as it is and I would be making a choice from a place of I just want you.
27:03
And I don't need you, but I just want you.
27:06
And I don't I don't think I was that woman 2 5 years ago.
27:12
Yeah, I love that and and and there's so much so much to be said for attracting from a place of peace Mhm.
27:19
because you know what peace feels like. >> Mhm.
27:22
And so then anyone or anything that comes into your life And what feeling satisfied feels like.
27:27
>> Satisfied is probably even a better word.
27:29
And that feeling of I know what it feels like to be satisfied.
27:31
And so I now know whether someone makes me more satisfied or less.
27:37
>> know what my baseline is.
27:37
If you don't know what your baseline happy is, then how do you you've got no idea of knowing what's going on at all?
27:43
And that's not a feeling of being complete or having it all figured out.
27:47
It's like I know what satisfied is a great word.
27:49
It's like I know what it feels like to be at at peace with myself or satisfied with myself and now everyone can show me Yes.
27:58
>> where that pendulum swings. Yes.
27:58
Um one thing you said which I which really resonated with me is that you've had to ask yourself so many hard questions to do the work.
28:08
And I wanted to ask you what what's one of the hardest questions you've ever had to ask yourself if you could recall.
28:13
Well, the first one that comes to mind and then maybe I'll dig for deeper different one is like to have to admit to myself or ask myself the question of like you right now have the career and the life that like looks like the dream.
28:33
But are you really happy, Emma? Are you really healthy? Are you really happy?
28:38
Like is this really what you want?
28:38
Like is this really what you want? And to be at that point and like realize and have to admit to myself that I wasn't and I didn't was one of the scariest things I've ever had to do because you know, I basically had to ask myself on a daily basis like I felt like I was crazy and walking away from something without
29:01
knowing what you're walking towards was not having the answers but leaving something that was that the world considered to be such of such high value such a high value kind of moment in my professional life and career I think that was a real sitting with that was a real moment of reckoning of like can you tell yourself the truth? Can you
29:27
Can you live with your truth?
29:29
Can you accept the fact that for most other people your truth is pretty confusing and unpalatable.
29:37
That was definitely a hard moment of sitting.
29:40
More recently because I've been being my own partner asking myself are you really living your values?
29:52
Things that you preach are you actually aligned?
29:57
And actually looking at some spaces in my life where I was like no. Not at all.
30:02
I'm actually not doing what I talk about and I need to like create some sort of urgency or a deadline for that so that I make sure that I'm a person of integrity.
30:11
I purport to be someone that cares about the world and about the planet and sustainability and >> [gasps] >> you know, there are some things I was doing. Was it enough?
30:21
By my own standards, not by anyone else's, just by my own probably not.
30:27
But what's nice is is I actually have the time now to be like, okay, what are you going to do about it?
30:35
Like get [laughter] get on with it and like But those those are great Thank you for those.
30:38
Those are great questions.
30:40
Really really great questions.
30:40
Emma's bravery and honesty reminds us that real love begins with knowing yourself.
30:44
When you're complete on your own, you can choose someone because you want them, not because you need them.
30:52
And just as importantly, fulfillment comes from having the courage to ask hard questions, to walk away from what looks good on the outside if it doesn't feel right on the inside, and to realign your life with your deepest values.
31:06
Now, it's a given that Madonna is a cultural icon.
31:09
But what struck me most wasn't her ambition or longevity, it was her devotion to spirituality.
31:18
Even at the height of fame, to success, she felt a void, and what sustained her wasn't the limelight, but the rituals that gave her peace and purpose.
31:26
From yoga and Sanskrit study to Kabbalah, spirituality became the compass she realized she needed for herself and for her daughter.
31:36
What are your spiritual practices and rituals that have been so supportive and emblematic of your journey, that have kept you going at the times as you said, there were so many times you could give up or things could go wrong, you kept pushing and you kept they kept you locked. What were they? What are they?
31:54
Well, one really important thing is studying, making time every week to sit down and study.
32:02
I mean, you can study the Bible, you can study the poetry of Kahlil Gibran, or you can study the Vedas, you you know. And you did that, right?
32:15
You actually studied different traditions on your own.
32:16
I mean, to be honest, before I discovered Kabbalah, I I was looking for answers, and Why do you think that was?
32:24
Why were you looking for answers?
32:25
Because I had everything that people would assume would give you happiness.
32:31
I had a successful career, I had fame, fortune, monetary things, physical things, but I wasn't happy.
32:42
And I naturally sought out Well, when I was a dancer, I had a roommate.
32:49
She was a Buddhist, and she would get up and chant every day.
32:55
And so, I was very intrigued by that.
32:58
Like nothing bothered her, you know what I mean? Everything bothers me.
33:02
>> [laughter] >> Everything bothers me. I'm you know, I'm a Leo. I'm I'm Italian. I'm very dramatic.
33:08
Um I wouldn't say she was peaceful all the time, but I was just struck by her confidence and her um knowingness that everything was happening for a reason.
33:21
She would never get upset about things.
33:22
And this is in the beginning of my career when I was living in New York, and I was broke, and a lot of crazy things happened to me.
33:28
Really scary, traumatic things.
33:32
And I would always ask her, her name is Maryanna, I would always say, "What like why are you like never upset?"
33:38
>> [gasps] >> So, I attributed that to her spiritual life, but it didn't speak to me.
33:42
And then later on I started practicing yoga, Ashtanga yoga, and my teacher Eddie um Stern, he still has a Love Eddie. He's great. You know Eddie?
33:50
Yeah, yeah, he's amazing.
33:52
I got quite caught up in and competitive about like first series, second series, third series.
33:57
But one thing I noticed is that a lot of people would come into his his practice, his studio where he taught, and they wouldn't even do the poses.
34:06
They would just go and sit in front of the statue of Ganesh or light candles or prayer.
34:13
And I realized and Eddie pointed it out to me cuz sometimes I would have injuries, I would or I would be traveling and I couldn't practice yoga, and he'd say, "Look, are you breathing?" And I'd say, "Yes."
34:23
And he said, "You're practicing yoga."
34:26
So, I realized that I was too still too caught up in the physical poses.
34:32
He's like, "No, you don't understand.
34:34
You're missing the whole point.
34:37
The poses are just something that you do to to breathe through, to calm your nervous system down, and to bring you back to your center."
34:46
And that really spoke to me.
34:49
There was a big um No, it was a painting on the wall of the yoga studio that says desire and detachment.
34:55
And I I said, "What does that mean?"
34:57
And he said, "Well, of course we want we want all the beautiful things in life.
35:03
We want all the pleasures.
35:03
We want all the happiness.
35:04
We want every We want it all.
35:06
There's nothing wrong with that.
35:08
But you can't be attached to it.
35:08
Because then if you're attached to it and you don't have it, what's going to happen to you?"
35:14
So I studied that for a while and I studied Sanskrit.
35:16
I had a teacher and you know, I learned that the vibrations of the of the letters, you know, had a calming effect on your nervous system and centered you and placed you firmly rooted in the earth.
35:31
And all of that made sense to me.
35:31
But then again, nothing happens by accident.
35:35
But I was pregnant with my daughter Lola, my oldest daughter, and I suddenly realized I was living in LA.
35:43
I suddenly realized I'm going to be responsible for another human being.
35:48
What am I going to teach her?
35:49
I'm just I'm like a meteor, like making my way through the you know, the on this planet, like you know, I I have great survival instincts.
36:01
I have a great work ethic. Yes, I'm very ambitious. All of those things.
36:06
Um but I was never like I was just knocking them down, you know what I mean?
36:11
And not like looking back.
36:12
Like, I'm going to be somebody.
36:14
Because that's you know, that's why I came to New York in the first place.
36:18
I will never go back to the nobody life I had when I was a child growing up.
36:25
So I definitely was fueled by an inner drive, but I would not say that I was spiritual or conscious.
36:38
When I was pregnant, I suddenly realized I knew nothing.
36:42
And I was a slave or a victim of of other people's opinions of me.
36:50
And I didn't have really, even though it looks like and looks like I was confident, brave, audacious, whatever, you know, um I deep down inside I was not.
37:06
So, I was at a dinner party. While you were pregnant? Yeah. Yeah.
37:09
I was at a dinner party at my friend's in LA.
37:13
And there was a woman sitting next to me. And I knew her vaguely.
37:18
She was a She's a costume designer.
37:19
She was a costume designer.
37:21
Her husband's a director.
37:21
And she said, "Oh, you should come with me to class." And I said, "What class?
37:30
I'm I'm open to classes, by the way. I love being a student.
37:32
So, what's the class all about?"
37:34
She said, "There's a teacher there.
37:38
It's something called Kabbalah.
37:41
It's next to a synagogue."
37:41
And I was like, "Wait, so he's Jewish?"
37:44
And she said, "Yeah, but it doesn't have anything to do with being Jewish.
37:48
It's just a belief system, not a belief system, like a philosophy about life that, you know, you could learn a lot from."
37:56
And I said, "Okay, I'll go." So, I did.
38:00
And that's how I met [clears throat] my teacher.
38:01
And I literally would sit in the back of class for years.
38:06
Mostly men were in the class at the time.
38:08
It was um but everything that he said seemed to make so much sense to me and gave me courage to be who I am and who I meant to be and made me actually think about intention and a real sense of purpose. Mhm.
38:26
Cuz my sense of purpose can't just be I want to be rich and famous, or I want to be popular, or I want to sell a lot of records because none of that lasts. Mhm.
38:33
But it wasn't until I went to class that I actually started thinking about those things. So, I just kept going. And um here I am today.
38:44
But, you know, motherhood or being a parent is really what um made me start asking questions that I most likely I should have asked them sooner, but I didn't >> Mhm.
38:54
cuz I was just caught up in my self.
38:59
I love I love that story for so many reasons.
39:00
One of them being that my journey to my spirituality had some similarities in that not that I was pregnant.
39:07
So, definitely not that one, but uh I had a friend and friends who were starting to get interested in spirituality.
39:16
And they invited me to hear a monk speak.
39:19
And I seen monks while I was growing up, but I'd never really engaged with one or really understood what they did or meant.
39:27
And I'm so glad I said yes to going along. And I was very young. I was 18, 19 years old. I wasn't even seeking.
39:31
I was open and I was curious. Right.
39:37
And to be honest, I was doing what everyone else was doing at that time when you're 18, 19 year old kid like, Experimenting.
39:43
>> experimenting and doing everything else under the sun.
39:45
But, I'm so glad I went because now looking back I find that after meeting the monks that I met it gave my life a compass at a very early age that I'm so grateful for because it changed the entire trajectory of my life.
40:01
I can't imagine what I would have ended up doing in the same way as you did.
40:05
And it sounds dramatic, but it's true that without the group of friends that invited me to go along and and meet my teachers would become my future teachers, Uh-huh.
40:15
I I can't imagine what life could be like.
40:17
And are those teachers still your teachers? >> Yes, absolutely. Still since that time.
40:23
So, it's been nearly 20 years now that I've >> That's meaningful. Yeah, very meaningful.
40:26
And are your friends that came with you still also studying or One of those One of those Yes, absolutely.
40:34
One of those friends was my best man at my wedding.
40:35
And he studies under the same teacher still to this day. That's cool. Yeah.
40:39
What about the >> the woman who took me to class, no. >> [laughter] >> Okay. No.
40:44
She was saying Wait a Uh are you still in touch with her at all or not?
40:46
Yes, I am sometimes, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
40:47
It's It's amazing to hear that you had this ambition and this drive Yeah.
40:52
to become successful and at the same time there was this spiritual calling Yes.
40:57
that was almost happening simultaneously.
41:02
How did you reconcile the two when to the external eye they could look very opposite?
41:08
How did you actually see them? >> weird, you mean?
41:10
Not weird in the sense of I think a lot of people assume that spirituality and success don't go together.
41:16
A lot of people would think that.
41:18
>> Those are narrow-minded people.
41:18
I mean, you need to be spiritual to be successful.
41:25
Success is having a spiritual life, period.
41:28
It's interesting cuz I had this boyfriend sometime ago and what I after we broke up, we saw each other years later and I was telling him about Kabbalah.
41:37
He's like, "Oh yeah, that makes a lot of sense because you grew up as a Catholic.
41:42
I know how religious your mother was." And I was like, "No. No.
41:46
That's not what it is at all.
41:46
It's got nothing to do with religion."
41:50
Everybody has to find the the path that speaks to them and resonates with them.
41:56
But I do think it's important to have one.
41:58
And I dare say if you didn't have a spiritual path, you wouldn't be as successful as you are today.
42:03
I will make that assumption in your work, in your marriage, in your friendships, all your relationships.
42:10
It honestly it sounds like a really like a cliche to your spiritual life, even.
42:14
I think the reason but it's just got a bad rap. Mhm. You know?
42:21
You like 100% can have a spiritual life and be successful.
42:26
I wouldn't be here if I didn't have one.
42:28
Madonna's story is a reminder that success without inner grounding can feel empty.
42:32
True resilience isn't fueled by ambition alone.
42:35
It comes from a deeper sense of purpose and doing the internal work to find fulfillment.
42:40
She demonstrates the takeaway that spirituality isn't separate from success.
42:47
It's the foundation of it.
42:47
It brings me so much joy to share this with you and to give something back in the process.
42:54
Juni is now available at Whole Foods Market nationwide and I'd love for you to try it for free. Head to drinkjuni.
43:01
com/j and get a complimentary can of Juni on me at any Whole Foods Market.
43:06
Rani and I created Juni with a simple intention to help you feel better from the inside out.
43:14
It's a sparkling adaptogenic drink crafted with ashwagandha, lion's mane, and green tea to boost your mood, support your focus, and give you clean, natural energy that stays with you throughout the day. So, go to drinkjuni.
43:27
com/j and run to your nearest Whole Foods Market for your free Juni.
43:32
I can't wait for you to try it. Cheers.
43:34
When Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez sat down with me, it was evident that their love wasn't just playful. It was mature.
43:40
They shared how they handle conflict, take space, and return to one another with honesty and respect.
43:48
Research shows lasting couples aren't those who never argue, but those who keep respect and practice repair.
43:56
Real love isn't perfection.
43:56
It's creating a safe space through communication and trust.
44:00
Sometimes she'll say, "This is so funny." Oh, boy. No, [laughter] no, no.
44:06
She'll do this and it's really cool.
44:07
She'll go I'm feeling a little irritated and I think I need like 25 minutes. And I'll say, "Okay."
44:17
And then I give her her space and then after like 5 minutes she texts me.
44:20
She's like, "Hey, will you come back?"
44:23
>> [laughter] >> But but it's but it's knowing that and we have the proper boundaries set with each other.
44:29
Like I don't have to be on top of her every second.
44:32
She doesn't have to be on top of me every second we're together.
44:34
I just want to know she's in the house so I can say like, "Hey, I love you."
44:38
and then go back to what I'm doing. You know what I mean?
44:42
Cuz look, we're both highly independent people, okay?
44:44
But we're both little mushes who just need to be attached and be happy.
44:50
>> Yeah, we are so cheesy. It's so fun. Yeah.
44:53
But it's like but I feel like I think it helps us, too.
44:56
That we're both you know, on my list thing was I wanted someone to be driven and inspired by something.
45:03
I didn't care if they made any money or anything.
45:06
I just wanted someone to be so into something that they did every day.
45:10
And when she comes back from her day and she tells me what she did, I'm like I'm not sitting there like, "Yeah, okay. Mhm."
45:19
Like when you're talking to your mom.
45:20
You know when you're talking to your mom and you just say your mom just keeps talking and you go, "Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah."
45:24
Like she comes back and like my eyes light up because I see the enthusiasm.
45:28
I see what she did and I'm like and it inspires me and I'm like, "I got to do more in this life."
45:31
And it's like we're in this place where we're inspiring each other and we're so inspired by what the other person's doing and and she'll help me out.
45:42
She'll be like, "Well, what if you did it like this, this, and this?"
45:46
And I'm like And then she'll say something and I'll be like "Well, why don't you handle the situation?"
45:50
Because we have such different personalities that are also the same but we're the thing that one of us is really good at the other one maybe lacks a little bit and vice versa and it's so cool to be able to like workshop like little conversations or how to handle a situation and it and I just feel so comfortable with her like that I can say anything and she won't ever say I don't know. I love the maturity.
46:16
I mean, hearing you both talk about it >> Yes, but let's be clear.
46:20
We are not the perfect >> No, no, no.
46:23
It's not perfect, no, but you're disagreeing.
46:24
No, no, no, but I think the maturity And and I agree with you.
46:28
I think I think that's actually the difference and I'm glad you brought that up.
46:31
I think there's a big difference between maturity and perfection. >> Yeah.
46:35
Perfection is saying we never have a disagreement, we never have to take space from each other, we you know, which you're not saying.
46:41
You're saying, "Hey, I just asked for 25 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
46:44
And then I was like, "Wait a minute, I need you." Yeah, yeah, yeah.
46:47
And I think there's a maturity in that because it requires maturity from both parts Yes.
46:50
for you to first say, "Hey, I need space."
46:52
For you to say, "I get it. I respect you."
46:55
And then for you to have the maturity to say, "Actually, I want you back." >> Yeah.
47:00
And for you to be like, not like, "Oh, I told you so."
47:01
For you to be like, "I'm here for you."
47:03
Like that that's not perfection.
47:05
To me, that's maturity and I think that's I really want people to get that from it that you are going to have disagreements, you are going to want space.
47:12
Like me and Roly went through that.
47:14
She at the beginning of our relationship, if we had a disagreement, and we were the same, we never we made a rule that we'd never raise our voices at each other because I came from a home where it was not great. Yeah.
47:23
She comes from a home where her parents don't raise their voices.
47:28
But I was just like I never wanted that in my home.
47:30
I wanted the energy of my home to be so sacred.
47:32
And I wanted the energy of the home to always have a space where everyone just walked in and felt like a warm hug.
47:37
And I was like, "We can't argue and then expect that to happen."
47:42
But it took a long time for us to realize that when she at the start of our disagreements, she wanted space.
47:46
And I used to say to her, "Well, if you don't want to talk about it right now, that means you don't care about me." And that wasn't true.
47:53
She just needed space to process.
47:55
So, it took time for us to mature, for me to realize, "Wait a minute, you wanting space is you caring for the relationship."
48:03
>> Some people, I get it, they want to talk about it right then.
48:04
They want to The one thing that also works for us so much is like we're not chill people, but we're like not We're never going to get I like I'm not going to yell at anyone in my life like Yeah, same.
48:14
Yeah, and you know, I I came from a home where a lot of that was happening and I saw like at a young age and I was just like, "Well, like my parents weren't speaking the same language."
48:28
Obviously, they were speaking the actual same language.
48:29
They weren't speaking the same language to each other to communicate.
48:35
And if someone comes at you like hostile right away, the first thing I'm going to do and I know she's going to do is shut down.
48:42
So, you're not getting anything You know what?
48:46
I always say this, guys are so quick to like they got to win.
48:50
They got to win the argument.
48:51
And it's like, "What are you doing? What are you winning?"
48:53
Like you're going to argue with your wife and like make her cry and then you're like, "I won that argument."
48:58
And then she hates you and resents you.
48:59
Like Wait, like don't be an idiot.
49:01
And and it's like I only >> I've been guilty though to start. Yeah, I don't know.
49:07
I just >> Not of you, sorry. I'm >> Yeah.
49:09
I think for me, I necessarily felt like in other uh situations of mine, it was um I was very reactive.
49:17
I think that's why I was alone for 5 years cuz I really needed to collect myself.
49:23
I think in the past, that's why I say to him all the time, "And 10 years ago, it's not that I wouldn't have wanted to be with you.
49:33
I just wouldn't have been in the right head space."
49:35
And I don't think that you deserve what I had gone through before.
49:41
So, I've learned a lot of lessons and I've made mistakes and and I just want this to be right.
49:50
So, for me, that was a lesson that I had to learn cuz I think girls can equally want to be right.
49:54
That for me it was really difficult in the past and he's made it unbelievably easy to the point where if I even get to the point where I'm so frustrated, he's like very quick to understand I'm I hear you.
50:09
Like you're allowed to feel that and that helped me shift where my mind used to go, which was a little bit of anger.
50:20
So, >> was the validation of how you felt in those reactive moments >> Yes.
50:24
that allowed you to not be reactive.
50:26
What was it that allowed you?
50:28
Because I feel like as Benny was saying earlier, you carry this baggage from all of our relationships into this one. I respect Benny.
50:36
I because he's done nothing but respect me. I again trust him.
50:43
I can tell him anything even if it's about something that's uncomfortable and maybe she should just talk friends.
50:49
Like he is that and that helps calm me down to say, "Okay, so I'm going through these things cuz of maybe what I had before." Whatever it is.
51:02
It's Nothing is ever bad.
51:02
Like nothing in my life I regret and I'm so so happy for my journey and I'll continue to be.
51:12
It is a lesson that you have to be patient and learn and I I just I could never picture myself disrespecting him.
51:19
I think Well, it's it's also just a different thing because it's like look, none of us are perfect.
51:25
Like she gets spicy sometimes and when I see something happening, it's about guiding the missile, not adding a jetpack on top of it with a with like machine gun artillery.
51:37
Like I want to make If I see her getting to a place where I'm like, "Man, in 5 minutes from now, this room could explode."
51:45
I'm never going to let it get to that 5 minutes from now.
51:48
I'm going to say, "What are all the tools that I know that work for her that I've learned over like I'm not going to exacerbate a situation.
51:57
I'm going to try to calm it down cuz why do I want to be in that position where we're both just like upset about something?"
52:03
I don't want to just calm it down and tell her what she wants to hear. I'm not saying that.
52:07
I'm not saying like to your partner be like, "Yes, you're right. You're totally right. Like everything you No.
52:11
I think you listen and you say like, "Okay.
52:16
We're like sometimes I even I'll say like, let's not let it get there.
52:18
Let's like just talk about this."
52:20
And I I do think physical touch is always like a very big way like if you're in a conversation with your partner like it's like sometimes just like a hand helps or just holding their hand while you're telling them or giving them a hug while you're telling them and and if someone's upset, let them talk it out first.
52:39
And then after they talk it out, be like, "Okay.
52:41
Well, here's what I think."
52:44
You know, and and you can work through these things together such an easy way. Very constructive. >> It's not always easy. I can tell you that.
52:51
And sometimes we just someone wants to be frustrated and it's like sometimes she'll tell me that.
52:55
She'll just be like, "I know it's going to be okay, but like I just want to be frustrated in this moment."
52:59
And and I'll have to redirect cuz I'll be like, "You know what?
53:03
You have every right to be in this moment."
53:06
And she'll say, "This is why She said this is why I want to be frustrated in this moment."
53:08
She said it the other day about something. I can't even remember.
53:11
And I was just like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Yeah."
53:13
I was like, "That makes so much sense."
53:15
I was like, "I don't agree with the frustration.
53:18
We'll get there afterwards."
53:18
And I was like, "But I get it. I get it."
53:19
And it's so cool and I've never quite had a relationship like with her.
53:26
And we're the furthest thing from perfect in the world.
53:29
We're perfect for each other.
53:30
We're not perfect for everyone else.
53:31
But I think the thing that's cool is that we've had all these experiences.
53:36
I've had all my experiences where it wasn't right and I'm like, "Oh, okay.
53:40
I'm going to change that the next time, you know, with this person or with that person."
53:44
And I think that's when you really grow.
53:47
It's when you take all your experiences, good or bad. Like I I'm like her.
53:50
I take every experience in my life, my past partners, my family, my everything.
53:55
It's like everything happened for a reason.
53:58
And I'm not going to sit here and mope about like things that could be better or different.
54:04
What I'm going to do is I'm going to say, "Okay, I learned this and now I'm going to put it into practice." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
54:09
For me, I always I always said to Radha, I always said to my wife, "Do you want me to listen?
54:15
Do you want me to fix this?
54:17
Or do you just want me to go through it with you?" >> Yeah.
54:19
Cuz a lot of times Make it clear for me because They don't want you to fix it right away.
54:22
And I'm not saying I'm saying men or women.
54:24
Sometimes it's not about fixing, you know, everyone is, you know, I'm such a problem-solver and you are, too.
54:29
So, it's like your first thing I know the first thing in your head is like, "How can I fix this situation?"
54:34
But sometimes it's not about fixing it right there.
54:36
Sometimes it's about just like, you know, especially for women who are like strong, like both our partners, they don't have a lot of time to be vulnerable in all the areas of their life.
54:49
They have the world on their backs.
54:50
Your wife has There's so many people that rely on her.
54:52
There's so many people that rely on her.
54:54
So, sometimes they just want to complain about something and that's okay. That's okay. It's okay.
55:01
Who else are they going to do it to?
55:02
They might as well do it and you and you just listen.
55:04
What Benny [snorts] and Selina show us is that love is less about avoiding conflict and more about how you navigate it.
55:10
Taking space without abandoning each other, listening before fixing, and validating feelings instead of winning the argument, that's what creates trust, respect, and growth.
55:22
Their story is proof that lasting love isn't built on perfection.
55:24
It's built on continuing to choose each other.
55:27
And finally, President Biden.
55:31
It was the honor of a lifetime to be invited to the White House to interview a sitting president.
55:36
When I sat with President Biden, our conversation turned to loneliness, grief, and the role of family.
55:44
He reflected on how small gestures of presence, a call, a visit, simply showing up, can ease the anxiety many young people face today.
55:52
Think of all the young people today. Mhm.
55:56
I think that there's more anxiety and loneliness today than there's been in a long, long time. >> Mhm.
56:03
You know my friend I appointed him Admiral Vivek Murthy.
56:08
He was telling me about, uh, you know, the percentage of young people today who are feeling lonely, alone.
56:14
And sometimes it's just just touching, just showing up.
56:22
I used to get my deceased son, Beau, who should be sitting here instead of me, would, uh, always say, "Dad, you know I'm trying to make that call."
56:29
You know, I'd get in the plane and go home and because someone had a a serious problem, lost a wife, a daughter.
56:37
And I and I and he said, "Dad, you know I'm time."
56:39
When he passed away, the hundreds of people told me how he called, he showed up, he was there.
56:46
And, uh, because there are people who showed up for me, too. It just really matters. Yeah.
56:51
You've been through You mentioned it there.
56:53
You've been through so much tragic loss in your life.
56:56
As you just mentioned there, you didn't run for presidency in 2016 shortly after the loss of your son.
57:05
You've lost your first wife and daughter in a horrific accident.
57:09
I can't even begin to understand how someone has the courage to process that much loss and grief, let alone move forward in the way you have. It's truly admirable. How How did you begin?
57:25
I had an overwhelming advantage in the loss, and that was I had a really close family that was there.
57:29
For example, when my uh wife and daughter were killed, my first wife and my two boys were very badly injured a tractor trailer broadsided I was in it was not in the accident.
57:43
When I got home from the hospital, my sister and husband already gave up their apartment and moved in, help me raise my kid.
57:48
My brother we we lived in a suburban area that was more country than suburban.
57:54
And there was a little barn on a garage barn.
57:56
My my brother came in and he turned the loft to the barn into an apartment for himself.
58:02
They were there for me all the time.
58:05
That was a That's a gigantic difference.
58:07
My best friend in my life are my sister and my brothers and And >> [clears throat] >> uh so I had an enormous advantage and I think that when you see people who are going through something tough, it does matter if you reach out. I mean, it does matter.
58:25
Like for example, you know, you have a when you're a senator for all the years I was in a small state, you know, so many people and people would pass away and you'd show up at the wake or the funeral, no matter what was happening.
58:37
And I learned it early on.
58:39
People would stop and just come and throw their arms around me.
58:43
Because if they know you know the pain they feel, they get some solace in it.
58:49
It's not always easy, but it's uh it just matters just to to just to reach out.
58:54
Let people know you see them.
58:56
How did you allow yourself to receive that help, too?
58:59
I feel like as you were mentioning earlier, with the loneliness and the anxiety that exists, a lot of people either struggle to know what to say.
59:07
I think we live in a society where people are like, "Well, what do I say if they've gone through that?"
59:12
And the opposite end, what you just said, being able to be open enough to actually receive help requires a certain amount of courage and strength as well.
59:21
Well, I was uh raising a family for real and extended family, my grandparents as well.
59:31
Where my dad had an expression, family is the beginning, middle, and end.
59:36
There was a rule in the family growing up, not a joke.
59:39
We didn't know it at the time, but whenever you wanted to speak to your mother or father, and then they said, "Can we You had a problem."
59:47
No matter what they were doing, they stopped.
59:50
No matter what they were doing, they stopped and heard you, listened to you.
59:55
And I did the same with my children, and I they did the same with theirs.
59:57
Because it's a it's a matter of them knowing that you they are the most important thing in your life.
1:00:06
If they've got a problem, you're there to listen.
1:00:10
I have seven grandkids, uh four of them all five of them old enough to talk on the phone.
1:00:15
You know, every day I either text them or call them.
1:00:20
And as a matter of fact, [laughter] during a campaign, they were they were having a I didn't realize they're having an interview on the the four oldest grandchildren.
1:00:30
And they said, and just at the time when they said, they call me Pop.
1:00:32
Pop calls us every day or texts us every day.
1:00:37
And I called them, the phone rang.
1:00:39
>> While they're in the interview.
1:00:39
>> Well, I I give my word, I had no idea they were in the interview.
1:00:43
But it's a Look, I I just think being there is is important and it makes such a difference, I think, knowing that someone's going to be there for you.
1:00:55
Just to listen, just to just to hold you, just to hug you. Yeah.
1:01:01
After his own losses, he shared how family and community carried him through.
1:01:06
>> [snorts] >> Research confirms it.
1:01:06
Social support is one of the strongest predictors of resilience in the face of trauma.
1:01:13
What the president reminds us is that helping doesn't require perfect words or solutions.
1:01:19
It can simply require presence.
1:01:22
To reach out when someone is struggling, to show up when it would be easier to stay away, and to listen fully so the people we love know they matter.
1:01:31
Because sometimes the greatest gift we can give is simply not letting someone go through it alone.
1:01:36
These conversations are just a glimpse of what this community has built together over 5 million subscribers.
1:01:45
On Purpose has always been about learning and growing together.
1:01:49
Thank you for being a part of this community, for listening, watching, and carrying these lessons into your own lives.
1:01:55
I'm so incredibly grateful, and I can't wait for the next 5 million. Thank you.
1:02:00
If you enjoyed this podcast, you're going to love my conversation with Michelle Obama, where she opens up on how to stay with your partner when they're changing, and the four check-ins you should be doing in your relationship.
1:02:13
We also talk about how to deal with relationships when they're under stress.
1:02:18
If you're going through something right now with your partner or someone you're seeing, this is the [music] episode for you.
1:02:24
No wonder our kids are struggling.
1:02:25
We have a new technology, and we've just [music] taken it in hook, line, and sinker.
1:02:30
And we have to be mindful for our kids.
1:02:32
They'll just be thumbing through this stuff, you know, their their minds never sleeping.